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your love is the strongest thing i know (i reckon it's been doing weights)

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Park Jimin first found Kim Taehyung at the tender age of three.

Jimin had been extremely athletic since his conception. In fact, he’d go on to live his entire life being scolded by his mother for trying to play football with her organs while he had still been in the womb. So it was no surprise that even in his early days, Jimin’s favourite thing to do was to go to the playground near his house and run around till his legs felt wiggly and his body felt warm.

He found Taehyung hiding under the metal slide, shaded from the sweltering sun. He had mud caked around his harmonica shaped smile as his kind and selfless hand offered a handful of dirt to the other boy.

But even at such a young age, Park Jimin was an intellectual who knew that he wasn’t supposed to eat offerings made by strange men.

Though his mother never did tell him what he was supposed to do when a sweet boy with wide, innocent eyes offered him things to eat.

Just to stay on the safe side, Jimin let his eyes stay narrowed in suspicion as he gracefully nibbled at some of the offered treat.

Taehyung titled his head to the side, his short fringe falling to the side to reveal a surprisingly big forehead. “Good?” he asked, his open mouth coated in dirt.

Jimin wrinkled his nose, pouty lips pulled down at the sides. “Why are you eating that? It’s yucky.”

“My gran’ma read me a book ‘bout a worm,” Taehyung explained as he continued digging with his bright yellow, plastic trowel. “She-She say worms eat dirt and then-then when they poop it out, it makes the land really gooder for flowers and trees!”

Jimin’s eyes went wide. “That’s cool!” he exclaimed, sitting cross-legged on the ground.

“Yeah!” Taehyung had agreed. “I’m gonna poop near that tree!” He pointed to the tree at the other end of the playground, the one that housed the huge tree house. “So it can grow big and strong like me.”

“But you’re not a worm,” Jimin pointed out, little brows furrowed.

Taehyung just nodded sagely. “I know but I learnt from my friend, Mr. Lee,” he answered, gently pickling up the little yellow bucket next to him to reveal a wiggly, little worm.

Jimin gasped, clapping his hands in excitement. “Can I say hello?” he asked, because his mom had raised him a gentleman.

It took another twenty minutes before Mrs. Park found her son again; pants undone, diaper half off as he tried desperately to poop under a tree next to a similarly undressed boy.

Another fifteen minutes passed by before either Mrs. Park or Mrs. Kim could separate the boys from each other, the haunting echo of their children screaming and crying following them back home.


“Mrs. P, if I-”

“Mrs. Park!”

“Yes, yes, Mrs. Park,” Taehyung amended, exasperated. “If you would just give me one second to just explain myself-”

“I don’t need an explanation!” she shouted and Jimin flinched where he was standing in the other corner of the kitchen. “I watched everything happen! Lord Almighty, how can one boy be so reckless and impulsive!”

“Honey, let’s calm down first,” Mr. Park said cautiously. The fire extinguisher was still clenched tightly in his hands.

Taehyung pouted and Mrs. Park’s glare only sharpened.

“Mom, we’re really sorry,” Jimin said, knowing an apology was the only thing that could assuage his mother’s rage. He watched carefully as his mother’s nostrils un-flared by a millimetre. Glad his apology was working, Jimin immediately pinched Taehyung’s thigh pointedly, his hand hidden by the kitchen aisle.

Motherf-Uh, yeah, we’re very sorry,” Taehyung added, swallowing down his pained scream. He threw in an enthusiastic thumbs up because Mrs. P didn’t seem to believe the sincerity of his apology. “We shouldn’t have set our heads on fire even though it would have made for a really fucking balls Instagram picture-Ow!”

Jimin cried on the inside as his mother’s nostrils went back to being the size of craters.

“Park Jimin, take this boy out of my house right now before I do something I regret,” she warned and Jimin did not need to be told twice.

He dragged Taehyung out by the arm, muttering and cursing under his breath. “I am never ever listening to Kim Taehyung, ever again!” he swore to himself as he led them out of his house.

“But Jimin!” Taehyung whined and Jimin didn’t need to look at him to know how pouty his bottom lip probably looked. “My ideas are pretty good!”

“No, they are not! And I don’t know why I always go along with whatever you say!” Jimin was very, very close to losing his patience and screaming in the middle of the street, especially when he turned to look at Taehyung, only to find him grinning down at his phone instead.

“Oh my god,” Jimin shouted and that finally got Taehyung’s attention. “You don’t even care, do you?” he demanded, throwing his hands up in frustration. “One of these days, my mom is going to disown me or worse! She will ban you! And then what would I-How would I…” Jimin choked to a stop, his words catching up to him. “Why the diddly doo do I care more about you getting banned?”

Taehyung’s mouth wobbled, teeth peaking out where he was biting into his lip to keep his laughter in. “You said doodoo,” he said with a giggle.

Jimin frowned, not at Taehyung, but at his heart that kept thudding irregularly inside his chest. “No, I didn’t.”

Another little giggle and Jimin’s heart felt like it had been pinched. “Yes, you did.”

“Tae,” Jimin said, hand rubbing chest in exasperation. He really hoped that his heart didn’t keep randomly hurting because he was developing a heart disease and sincerely wished that it was just constant gas. “Did we at least get a good picture out of this mess?”

Taehyung bounced on his toes in excitement as he shoved his phone in Jimin’s face. “Yeah! Look at how cool we look!”

The picture was pretty cool. In the centre stood Jimin and Taehyung, wrapped heads on fire, with their hands thrown up the sky and big, cheesy grins on their faces. Just behind them, stood his mother, face pale and mouth open in a horrified scream.

And while Taehyung was staring straight into the camera, Jimin’s eyes were crescents of fondness as they focused only on Taehyung.

Something itched inside Jimin’s skull, an idea almost forming. This was important, something was important, the picture-

“Oh,” Jimin said, voice coming out hushed. “Oh god.”


Jimin had never been very good at dealing with conflict.

So he made a list – creatively titled “Heterosexual vs. Non-Heterosexual Evidence.”

He had been working at it for three days now, digging through years of memories to sort them into four pages, all of them A4 sized and double sided. Of the four pages, three were dedicated solely to the sheer perfection of Kim Taehyung’s existence and not a single page contained even the semblance of anything that could be considered “Heterosexual.”

Jimin was stumped.

“How the hell did I not notice?” he whispered to himself, staring at the pages scattered on top of his bed in defeat.

Not only was he extremely homosexual, but he seemed to be harbouring a heart boner for none other than Kim Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung.

The same boy who had compared diaper fashion with him when they were young, who still had trouble making grammatically correct sentences when he was excited or nervous. The same Kim Taehyung who spent two entire weeks pretending to be a dog and only answering in barks until his parents caved in and finally bought him a little puppy.

Park Jimin had a heart boner for the boy who had a tiny, adorable mole right in his lower lash-line and had trouble sleeping without cuddling something. Kim Taehyung, the boy who had refused to leave Jimin’s bedside when he had been sick and had ended up with a severe fever as well, who had snuck in through his window multiple times just because Jimin had been lonely, who didn’t spare a second thought to risks when it came to making Jimin smile.

Jimin groaned, his face aflame, and fell face first onto his bed.

Now that he thought about it, how could he have not fallen in love with his best friend?

His phone buzzed, pulling him out of his misery, and he grappled for it blindly.

“Oh look, its the source of my problems,” he muttered, tone bitter yet fond.

Taetae: chim, u still in trouble?

Taetae: if so, would u mind getting in a lil more trouble?

Chim: What do you want, Taetae?

Taetae: ummmm, not 2 b clingy bt i havent seen u in 3 (!!!) days

Something in Jimin’s chest throbbed, like his organs were twisting and twirling inside, and surprisingly, it wasn't a new feeling. Jimin was quite familiar with the persistent press of something against the inside of his chest but it was the first time he realised the ache he always experienced when separated from Taehyung was heartache and not gas, like he had always assumed.

Taetae: and i miss my lil cushy-lipped soulmate!!!!

Chim: Stop calling me cushy lipped!

Chim: You sound like a perv!!!

Taetae: can i sneak in? or u come over?

Chim: I’m under house arrest, Tae…

Taetae: but i wanna cuddle!!!!!!!!

Jimin scowled down at his chest when his heart flipped at the thought of cuddles.

“Keep it in your pants, will you?” he said to his heart boner.

Chim: Fine, I'll be over in five. Get your cuddle pants on.

Chim: You know which ones.

Taetae: ┌(☆o★)┘┌(☆o★)┘┌(☆o★)┘┌(☆o★)┘

Taetae: (人・㉨・)♡

Taetae: +。゜~”(゜∀゜)゜。+

Taetae: ( づ  ̄ ³ ̄)づ

Chim: Stop, you loon hehehe

Jimin plopped back down on his bed, arms wide as a heavy sigh escaped his lips.

How am I supposed to look him in the eye anymore? he thought. How does one act normal with their best friend after realising the Gay Intent behind their cuddles?

"Problem solving, Park Jimin," he told himself sternly as he turned to swiftly read through the pages he had filled in ode to Kim Taehyung. "So...I like his golden skin. Mm, yes, it's going to be an issue avoiding looking at his skin. Fuck, he has so much skin," he murmured idly as his brain provided him a helpful montage of all the half nude and full nude Kim Taehyung images he had collected over the years in his memory. "And his eyes. God, he has really pretty eyes and his stupid moles."

He ran his finger down the list as he quickly tried to formulate solutions for all the things that attracted him to his best friend. 

"So, I just have to find a way to not look at him or hear him speak or laugh or do that stupid giggle he does," Jimin thought out loud, biting his lip in trepidation. "I should also try to like, establish my burning heterosexuality. Hmm...shouldn't be too hard."

As it turned out, it wasn’t as easy as he’d imagined the whole thing to be.

“I just don’t get why we have to wear sunglasses to watch a movie,” Taehyung murmured, trying to squirm closer to Jimin as they sat in his bed. They’d chosen to re-watch Kiki’s Delivery Service for the night and stuff their bellies with as much junk food as they could without hurling.

“Why does there have to be a reason behind someone wearing sunglasses inside, in the middle of the night?” Jimin grumbled in response. He ruffled through his overnight bag and pulled out two sheet masks. “Here, cover your face,” he ordered, throwing one of them to Taehyung and keeping the other for himself.

“What? Why!” Taehyung demanded indignantly. Jimin sighed and ripped open one of them open, deciding to put it on Taehyung himself. “I can’t wear sunglasses with a face mask, Jimin, it will get gross and wet and slimy! And I haven’t even washed my face yet!”

“This one is meant for extremely dirty faces so you don’t have to wash your face first,” Jimin said as confidently as possible. He hadn’t been able to come up with any good excuses for the sheet masks but he just needed to get Taehyung’s cute little nose mole out of his sight. “I just want my best friend’s skin to be nice and glowing!”

Taehyung stared suspiciously at Jimin before caving in. His shoulders fell in submission as Jimin manoeuvered the mask over his round lil cheeks and his expressive brows. He leant in to press a quick peck on Taehyung’s nose before covering it with the mask as well because Jimin was a good Christian boy and not kissing Taehyung’s boopable nose was blasphemy.

Taehyung giggled, the full strength of the adorable sound muffled by the face mask and Jimin sighed in relief.

His plan was working.


Park Jimin had been wrong and now Park Jimin was suffering.

“Tae-Taehyung, can you sit down?” he nearly whimpered. “Please?”

“Yes, lemme just-” Taehyung mumbled as he continued to bend down, fumbling with an overexcited mess of a puppy. “Tannie, do you want me to hold you or not? What are you doing, baby?”

The puppy paid no mind to his dad. Yeontan ran in circles around and between Taehyung’s ankles, yipping away excitedly as if he hadn’t seen Taehyung in years.

How did I not account for Taehyung’s ass? Jimin asked himself, filled with sorrow as he continued to shamelessly stare at where Taehyung had now decided to get down on his hands and knees to nuzzle Yeontan.

Jimin gulped and forced his eyes to the ceiling. “Jesus is watching,” he told himself. “Jesus is scanning through my mental images right now and weeping at what a disappointment I am.”

“Did you say something?” Taehyung asked between giggles. Yeontan had taken to licking Taehyung’s face and for the first time ever, Jimin found himself being envious of the puppy.

“N-No, just that I’m getting kind of sleepy…” Jimin said, forcing out a fake yawn. “I think I should head home.”

“But, but!” Taehyung exclaimed, finally standing straight. Yeontan wiggled where he was cradled in his arms. “We didn’t even cuddle! And you never go back home…”

Oh Lord, he is pouting, Jimin thought in pain, heart beat tripling in a millisecond.

“Taetae, I just-”

“And you’re making me wear this-this god damn face mask,” Taehyung said, ripping it off his face in irritation, “and this ridiculous jacket, even though it’s really fucking hot! And you won’t let me cuddle!” he accused, eyes narrowed in irritation and confusion. “Why are you being like this? Did I do something?”

“No, of course not, Taehyungie,” Jimin said desperately, crawling on his knees till he was close enough to hold Taehyung’s hands. “Mom was really pissed at us for the last time…I just don’t want to give her more reasons to be pissed at me. If she wakes up to find me gone, she will disown me.”

“Well, I will own you then,” Taehyung said in determination and Jimin choked on thin air. “What? What’s wrong with that? If your mom disowns you, I’ll keep you.”

“Tae, we’ve had this conversation a billion times,” Jimin pleaded, eyes watering from how hard he had been coughing just a second ago. “You need to think before you say things. Besides, you already own-have me. And you’ll have even more of me in a few months when we’re finally at university and living together!”

Taehyung finally brightened at that, successfully distracted, and this time there was no face mask in the way to protect Jimin from the full effect of his pretty, rectangular smile. “Yes, we will,” he agreed, sitting at the edge of the bed. “We’re gonna have so much fun! God, I can’t wait to leave home and live with my best friend and take classes in things that actually interest me!”

Jimin grinned back fondly at his best friend and couldn’t stop himself from indulging his heart in a little harmless hair-caressing. Taehyung’s hair felt soft between his fingers and Jimin smiled as he thought of all the care the other boy tended to put in his hair and skin care.

“Taehyungie,” Jimin said softly, his stomach quivering at what he was about to ask.

Taehyung looked up and Jimin found himself a little mesmerized at the long lashes framing his big, pretty eyes. “Hmm?” he asked, just as softly, like he knew this moment meant something.

“Would you…” Jimin trailed off, nerves making him light-headed. He swallowed down the nervousness and tried again, “Do you think you’ll try to date in university?”

Taehyung’s brows furrowed as he turned his eyes to Tannie, long fingers running gently through the soft fur. “I…don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “No one’s…ever shown interest in me at school, so I don’t see how that will change in university,” he said with a self-depreciating laugh. “But if someone approached me and they were nice, then yes. I would definitely want to date them.”

Jimin nodded in understanding, ignoring how heavy his chest suddenly felt.

He knew he could be the one to ask Taehyung out and he knew for a fact Taehyung thought he was nice, but Jimin also knew that he could never confess his love to Taehyung. Not only did he not want to risk his friendship, he knew he wasn’t someone Taehyung could fall in love with.

“Why?” Taehyung asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Are you not going to date anyone ever?” he asked with a teasing smile.

Jimin shrugged, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. “At the rate I am going, no. I will probably die a sad, lonely death.”


Park Jimin: Yoongi hyung, how do I assert my heterosexuality?

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇwell, you start by asking a heterosexual

Park Jimin: wait wha

Park Jimin: wait is this Yoongi hyung?

Park Jimin: HYUNG WHAT?????????


Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇjesus calm down

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇi was sucking dick

Park Jimin: akjsdhucihjksdh cfhwakj.

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇexcellent use of punctuation


Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇ: ofc not, u wet wipe

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇi was eating

Park Jimin: hyung i had a heart attack!!!!!

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇcalm down, chicky -_-

Park Jimin: Why did I never know you were gay???

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇyou didnt know bc you didnt ask

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇand im pansexual

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇim above gender

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇand human beings in general, but thats a different conversation

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇalso why are you trying to assert your heterosexuality

Park Jimin: because

Park Jimin: ugh this will sound stupid

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇits okay, stupid is what i expect from tae and you


Park Jimin: don’t call tae stupid!!

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇi also called yo

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇ: you know what

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇnever mind

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇim gonna take a powernap now

Park Jimin: Hyung, we’ve talked about this before…You can’t call it a powernap if it’s five hours long

Park Jimin: That’s a whole Sleep right there

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇdon’t tell me how to live my life you brat!!!!

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇtake this to cookie

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇhes the only hetero i can remember off the top of my head

Park Jimin: okay!!!

Park Jimin: Hope you have a good powernap, hyungie (´ε`*)

Park Jimin:  ♥♥

Yoongles Hyung(。ˇ ˇbye chicky


“Well, when you really think about it, what even is heterosexuality?” Jungkook said, playing with his food instead of eating it. “Heterosexuality in its simplest form just means a sexual attraction to the opposite gender. But if you consider the social aspect of heterosexuality, there are so many characteristics attached to the heterosexual male-”

“Which anime character are you pretending to be right now?” Jimin asked in exasperation, head firmly attached to the lunch table in agitation and hopelessness.

Jungkook blushed a bright red. “How dare you,” he sputtered. “You come to me for help and then you treat me like shit.”

Jimin raised his head off the table and glared at the younger. “You’re right!” he exclaimed. “I came to you for help and you’ve done nothing but rant about gender and sexuality for the past seventeen minutes. I am running out of minutes here, Jungkook! My minutes are slipping right through my fingers!”

“Oh my god, calm down,” Jungkook said, hands raised in a placating gesture. “I don’t even know what you want me to say! The only way you can assert your heterosexuality is if you start dating a woman. Or be a stereotypical hetero-”

Jimin clasped a hand on top of Jungkook's mouth, silencing him. “Holy shit, you’re right,” he said, eyes wide in wonder. “I need to date a female. A woman. A female woman.”

“Jimin, you’re being incredibly fucking weird right now,” Jungkook informed him with a kind and condescending smile.

“I just need to find an interested female woman!”

“Can you please stop calling them female women?” Jungkook asked. “Forget heterosexual, you don’t even sound human when you say it like that.”

“How do I find girls to date me, Cookie?”

“First, don’t ever fucking call me Cookie. Only Yoongi hyung is allowed to call me that and that’s because I’m too scared to stop him,” Jungkook said, raising a finger. “Second, do you know how many girls would murder to date you? Sana from P.E. was telling me that Jisoo has a huge crush on you.”

Jimin frowned. “Wait, which one is Jisoo again?”

Jungkook’s mouth dropped in surprise. “Jisoo? Kim Jisoo? Adorable girl with the pretty hair?” When Jimin’s face remained blank, Jungkook threw his hands up in frustration. “She is literally in your class, what the fuck?”

“Stop swearing, you’re literally a foetus,” Jimin admonished, eyeing the spot of ketchup at the side of Jungkook's mouth.

“I am one year younger than you-STOP TRYING TO WIPE MY FACE WITH YOUR SPITTY SHIRT, WHAT THE HELL!” Jungkook yelled, trying to pull away as Jimin tried to wipe his mouth with the hem of his t-shirt.

“You have something on your face!” Jimin said fiercely. No child of his was going to walk around with a dirty face. “Stop resisting me!”

“Why are we shouting?” a new voice asked.

Jimin immediately pulled his t-shirt back into place, running a hand through his hair to smooth them down, before turning to face Taehyung with a bright smile.

Taehyung was dressed in ripped, black jeans and a sweater that said Cucci instead of Gucci on the chest. He had a pair of round glasses perched on the tip of his adorable nose and Jimin’s chest warmed at the sight like someone had spilled lukewarm tea down his tee.

“Taehyungie!” he exclaimed, patting the spot next to him on the bench. “Jungkook’s just being a whiny baby today.”

“I am not a baby!” Jungkook said indignantly but Taehyung just frowned at him.

“Cookie, how many times have I told you? No tantrums at school!” Taehyung scolded, voice extra deep.

“You are not my father!”

“Don’t speak to your father in that tone, young man!” Jimin added.

Taehyung laughed while Jungkook groaned in frustration. Finally, he turned his attention to his best friend and gasped at the sight of weird indents in the skin of Jimin’s forehead. “Jiminie, what happened to your forehead?” Taehyung suddenly asked in concern, pressing himself closer to check if Jimin was hurt. He brought one hand to support the back of Jimin’s head, fingers slipping into his hair, while he gently touched the irritated skin with the other hand. “Did you fall asleep with your head on the table again?”

Jimin wanted to answer. He really, really did. But as all his blood rushed to his cheeks, all Jimin could do was lean into Taehyung’s warm hold and stare in astonishment.

There was something about Taehyung that was completely other-worldly, and it wasn’t just about his appearance. Jimin had lived a relatively long life and he had never met another human being who was as unique as Taehyung was. Taehyung was so incredibly selfless – especially when it came to Jimin. He had so much love inside him that even when he gave so much of it away, he never ran out of kind words and encouragement to share with everyone.

“Taehyungie,” Jimin sighed, completely lost in the way the soft strands of Taehyung’s hair danced in the gentle wind running through the school courtyard.

“Mm,” Taehyung mumbled, eyes focused somewhere below Jimin’s nose, a small smile gracing his lips.

“So, Jimin’s totally failing at his task,” Jungkook’s voice interrupted their moment.

“What task?” Jimin asked distractedly. He sighed again, this time in pleasure, when Taehyung’s smart, clever, pretty fingers pressed gently at the kink in his neck. It had been annoying Jimin for weeks now, but under Taehyung’s gentle care, it finally seemed to be melting away.

“Your conquest for asserting your heterosexuality,” Jungkook reminded him.

Taehyung’s fingers froze immediately as his eyes widened in shock. “His what?”

Jimin’s eyes widened too, but in horror. “Oh my god,” he whispered. “My heterosexuality!” He immediately slapped Taehyung’s hands away and stepped out of his space.

Tae gasped, a look of hurt crossing his eyes as he cradled his hands to his chest. Jimin hadn’t pushed him away that hard, but for some reason, it really hurt.

Jimin panicked then, quickly grabbing his Taetae’s hands to press apologetic kisses to his fingers. “I’m so sorry, Taetae,” he said, voice full of remorse. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’m just in a rush. I need to find this girl called…uh.”

“Kim Jisoo,” Jungkook supplied helpfully, rolling his eyes.

“Why do you need to find her?” Taehyung asked quietly.

Jimin frowned. “It’s my heterosexual business.”

“Your what?”

“When your own soulmate doesn’t believe in your heterosexuality,” Jungkook said, shaking his head. “Tch, tch. Truly sad.”

“Don’t make me put you in time out, Cookie,” Jimin warned.

“You are not my father, either!”


Fathernim 2: So I couldn’t find Kim Jisoo

Baby Cookie: for fuck’s sake



Baby Cookie: she made you cookies and you loved them so much, you took them all and gave them all to Taetae hyung

Fathernim 2: ohhhhhhhh that’s Jisoo??

Fathernim 2: I thought her name was Justin?

Baby Cookie: how-

Fathernim 2: Anyway, I couldn’t find her but I found this really nice girl called Cinnamon

Fathernim 2: and she has agreed to date meヾ(^ ^ゞ)

Fathernim 2: Only cost $250 (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

Baby Cookie: u

Baby Cookie: jimin

Baby Cookie: where are you

Fathernim 2: I’m on a date uwu

Fathernim 2: She is so pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Cookie: jimin

Baby Cookie: pls

Fathernim 2: ????

Fathernim 2: She keeps suggesting we head back to my place to play

Fathernim 2: Do girls like monopoly?

Fathernim 2: It’s the only game I have back home


Fathernim 2: WHATS WRONG BB ARE YOU HURT??????




Fathernim 2: waiT

Fathernim 2: HOL

Baby Cookie: JIMIN???????????

Baby Cookie: ARE YOU OKAY?

Baby Cookie: father pls

Fathernim 2: siri what is pegging

Baby Cookie: FATHER

Fathernim 2: SIRI NO

Fathernim 2: sorry my sweet bunbun that you had to witness that

Fathernim 2: my butt was Touched so I ran but I am now safe uwu


Fathernim 2: Never in my entire hetrosexual life have I been insulted this way

Baby Cookie: bish u dont even know how to spell heterosexual

Baby Cookie: STAHP

Fathernim 2: I don’t know how to spell intelegent either, doesn’t make me any less of geneus


Jimin had always been susceptible to unnecessary anxiety.

He didn’t deal well with a lot of pressure or drama. Even watching reality TV made him incredibly anxious because even the slightest bit of tension or the tamest of arguments could set him off.

Perhaps that is why he had such a longstanding friendship with Taehyung.

Taehyung was someone who was rarely ever negative about anything. Sure, he often got sad about things that were more often than not out of his control and always went to Jimin for comfort. But even through his sadness, he was optimistic.

He never created unnecessary drama, never talked badly about anyone unless they really, really deserved it, and didn’t even like gossiping that much.

Jimin wasn’t sure if that was just who he was, or if he had molded his personality to suit Jimin’s anxiety – but whatever it was, Jimin was so grateful that he never had to be worried about anything when it came to Taehyung.

Which was why he was so surprised when a couple days after the dating debacle, Taehyung sat Jimin down on the swings in the park where they had first met and said, “I just wanted to say something.”

Instantly, Jimin’s heart was racing and his armpits were getting sweaty. His brain went into an override, trying to understand what he could’ve possibly done wrong in the last couple days for Taehyung to want to leave him, because that is definitely what Taehyung wanted to talk to him about – Oh god, Taehyung is going to leave me.

“Jiminie, hey, stop overthinking,” Taehyung said in concern when he noticed Jimin’s chest rising and falling rapidly. He reached out softly to hold his tiny hands in his big ones. “It’s nothing bad.”

“You can say it,” Jimin said slowly, staring at his feet. “Even if it’s something bad, you can say it. You shouldn’t have to censor yourself for me.”

“I never censor myself around you, Chimchim,” Taehyung said fondly, giving Jimin’s hands a little squeeze. “I just wanted to say…I know you’ve been talking to Jungkookie and Yoongi hyung about certain things, and I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me about them as well. You know I would never judge you for anything. But…But if you don’t want to talk to me about them, then you don’t have to either. I won’t hold it against you.”

Guilt bubbled inside his chest because he knew he’d hate to be on the other side of this situation, he’d absolutely hate being left out and he’d assume the worst - assume Taehyung was moving on from their friendship. But he didn't know how to comfort his best friend without giving away his secret.

Taehyung couldn't know how Jimin felt for him.

"I-Um, it's just awkward to talk about, I guess," Jimin mumbled, watching Taehyung's elegant fingers caress the back of his hand. The skin of his hand warmed and tingled under his soulmate's ministrations and it made Jimin nauseous to think how gone he was for Taehyung. "It's not that I don't trust you. It's just awkward."

Taehyung smiled, tilting his head to the side in question. "You have hemorrhoids?" he joked.

"Wha...Yes," Jimin quickly changed his answer, nodding enthusiastically.

Thank you, God, he prayed. Thank you for giving me an easy way out of a hard lie. You're amazeballs, honest.

"Yes! I have hemorrhoids and since Yoongi hyung knows so much about them-"

"Wait, does Yoongi hyung have hemorrhoids too?"

"Absolutely," Jimin agreed. "We all do. Jungkook, hyung and I. We even have a discrete groupchat to discuss our...issues. You understand how embarrassing it would be for all of us if like, anyone found out."

"Of course," Taehyung replied with a nod, painfully supportive as always. "But Jiminie, you didn't have to hide that from me. Your body's just acting a little funky but that's alright. We all have weird things happen to us all the time. And soulmates don't hide things from each other!"

"Do you think it would be weird if I tried to kiss your eye freckle?" Jimin blurted out and then slapped both his hands on top of his stupid, gay mouth. He watched Taehyung's face freeze for a second, a rosy blush slowly spreading to his cheeks, and wanted to die. "I-I mean, it's just so fucking stupid t-that you-"

Taehyung broke out of his stupor and grinned so wide that his eye freckle disappeared from sight. "Yeah?" he said, giggling that adorable, annoying giggle that made Jimin's intestine crawl their way up and just squeeze around his heart. "You're gonna kiss the stupid out of it?"


"I cannot believe you just said mayhaps in real life," Tae said, rolling his eyes. Still grinning, he got off his swing to come and kneel on the dirt in front of Jimin. "Well. Go on then."

"Wait, for real?" Jimin asked.

It was being really hard for him to hear or say things, what with his heart thundering in his throat so loud that it was drowning everything else out.

Taehyung giggled again, leaning his face forward till it was inches from Jimin's. He closed his eyes as he whispered, "For real."

Jimin swallowed hard as he stared at Taehyung. Beautiful Taehyung, so oblivious of his best friend staring at him like he was God himself. He watched Taehyung's amused little smile twitching, watched his long eyelashes flutter as he struggled to keep his eyes closed, watched him tilt his face towards Jimin to encourage him to kiss his freckle - and all Jimin felt was sadness.

A sadness so thick and weighted that it scared him a little.

Giving in, Jimin cupped Taehyung's face in his hands and brought him closer to press a lingering kiss in the middle of his forehead. He let himself stay that way for a few seconds before finally pulling back and smiling. "You're my best friend," he said seriously when what he meant was you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I love you, you're my everything, I'm so scared of losing you. "You're my best friend."

It was the closest he was ever going to get to actually confessing his feelings to Taehyung.

"Jiminie, you're crying," Taehyung said, worried as he wiped away stray tears with his thumb. "What's wrong?"

"I-It's the hemorrhoids," he sobbed with a sniffle, burying his face in his hands. "I think I'm gonna have to carry a pillow around all t-the time to sit on. God, it hurts so bad."



New groupchat created.

Park Jimin added Min Yoongi and Jeon Jungkook to "assteroids."

Park Jimin: hello and welcome to assteroids

Park Jimin: a discrete groupchat for all your hemmoroid related issues

Park Jimin: named assteroids for optimum discretion and to confuse people

Park Jimin: for PR purposes, this is a groupchat is about astrophysics.

Min Yoongi: what the fuck is wrong with you jimin

Jeon Jungkook: told you to eat more fibre.

Park Jimin: listen,,,

Park Jimin: I don't actually have hemmeroids but right now, i'm stuck in a giant web of lies

Park Jimin: bear with me pls

Min Yoongi: what did you lie about

Jeon Jungkook: lmaooooooooo

Park Jimin: taetae was asking questions so i told him we all had hermoids

Park Jimin: we don't actually have to use this groupchat but like

Park Jimin: i just made it to make my lie more credible

Jeon Jungkook: are you just writing different spellings for hemorrhoids and hoping one of them is correct?

Park Jimin: don't expose me!

Jeon Jungkook: it takes literally three (3) seconds to google it

Park Jimin: anyway, i'm gonna delete all these messages and spew some random hemorrhoid facts now

Delete all messages from "assteroids?"

[ Yes ]   No

Park Jimin: i heard you should put aloe around your bootyhole to soothe the inflammation and irritation

Park Jimin: you hsould try that yoongi hyung

Jeon Jungkook: yeah, hyung

Jeon Jungkook: soothe your bussy with some aloe

Min Yoongi: fuck you both


Jimin's parents were inconsolable as they bid him goodbye outside his dorm room that he would now be sharing with his soulmate.

"Mom, stop crying before I start crying too," he whispered into the curve of his mother's neck. Sometimes he wondered if he was so small so he could always fit perfectly into his mother's embrace. "I'm not gone forever, you know?" he said, voice thick. "I'll always be back-"

"I'm just worried Taehyung's gonna get you killed," his mom sobbed.

He heard Taehyung make a loud quacking noise to express his indignation but he just hugged his mother tighter. "I promise I won't be reckless," he said, pulling back so he could look at his teary eyed mom. "And I promise I won't let Taehyung be reckless either. Just take care of yourself and take care of dad. And keep my room locked, I don't want Jihyun going through my stuff."

"Okay, sweetie," she said, offering him a wobbly smile. "Make sure to eat well and study well. You too, Taehyung. Take care of each other."

"We will," Taehyung said, still wrapped in Jimin's dad's arms. "You heard that, Mr. P? We'll take care of each other. You don't have to worry so much."

Jimin's dad made a wet, raspy sound before wailing. "You're gonna get thrown out for doing something dumb like eating your own shoe a-and then you both will be back and I've already got s-so many gray hair."

"Oh, honey," Jimin's mother said, prying her husband off Taehyung and leading him back to their car. "They won't come back. If they do, we'll just give them both to the Kims, okay?"


Jimin stood stunned in his doorway, tears still rolling down his plump cheeks as he watched his parents walk away. "What the fuck?" he whispered.

"I really thought they were worried about us but they were just worried about us coming back," Taehyung recapped, sounding more awed than saddened. Then he stood straighter and clapped his hands gleefully. "Good news is, even if we do get thrown out, I'm sure my parents will take us both in. You can be Kim Jimin. Oooh, I like the sound of that."

Jimin blushed, his parents' betrayal long forgotten as he remembered doodling "Kim Jimin ♡ Park Taehyung" on his notebook not too long ago. "Shut up," he grumbled, throwing himself face first onto his bed - only to squeal shrilly when he felt Taehyung throw himself on top of Jimin as well. Jimin felt his entire body blush at the proximity. "Dude, it's too hot for this! Go to your own bed."

He felt Taehyung pawing at him and squirming before he stilled. "But you're more comfortable. I think I'll take a short nap right here," he replied, sounding incredibly pleased with himself.

"But I'm hungry," Jimin whined, bouncing his hips to hopefully dethrone Taehyung but he froze when he also managed to squish Taehyung's dick with his butt.

"Stop that!" Taehyung screamed, sounding panicked, but still remained blanketing Jimin. "What do you want to eat?"

Jimin shrugged, face still aflame. "Cafeteria food? That's what university kids eat, right?"

"I guess," Taehyung replied with a sigh and Jimin shivered as he felt it against the back of his neck.

The cafeteria was surprisingly nice. It was large and open with a wide selection of mismatched chairs and tables - as well as a few picnic tables - scattered around the hall. The food was lined along the back of the hall and the food didn't look completely unappetizing.

Jimin and Taehyung piled their plates with rice, beef stew and a side of veggies, and settled on the only available picnic table just because it looked cooler. Taehyung had also bought a can of coke but Jimin decided to just stick with his water.

"Oh, we forgot the side dishes!" Jimin whined with a pout. Who liked getting up to grab more things once they'd already settled down with their food? "I'll go grab some. Do you need anything?"

Taehyung grinned through a mouthful of food. "Just the side dishes, please."

Jimin smiled fondly and left to get what could arguably be considered the best part of a meal - but only after booping Taehyung's nose.

Thinking back, Jimin really hadn’t taken long to grab their food. Maybe two minutes. Maybe two minutes and around forty seconds. But by the time he came back, Taehyung had somehow managed to make a friend.

“-and then he kept chasing his tail for-Oh! Jimin!” Taehyung paused in his story to exclaim, lips stretched in his trademark smile. He gestured to the extremely good looking guy sitting next to him. “This is Jin. He has two sugar gliders! How insane is that! And this is Jimin. My best friend.”

Jimin assessed the distance between the two boys. Their shoulders were touching – maybe they’d shown each other pictures of their pets and then forgotten to move away. Or maybe they were flirting under the guise of admiring each other’s pets and Jimin was interrupting.

Do my morals allow me to cockblock my best friend just because I’m a little bit in love with him? Jimin questioned himself, unaware of two pairs of eyes staring at him. Am I petty and despicable enough? he wondered.

“Yes, yes I am,” Jimin concluded, slamming down the tray filled with side dishes onto the table.

“Um, okay? Hi?” Jin said warily, waving nervously.

“Hello. How are you?” Jimin asked, making sure to smile as menacingly as possible.

“F-Fine?” the elder answered, before coughing awkwardly and gathering his things to leave. “Um, so I’m just gonna go. Taehyung, you have my number. Let me know if you need any help around campus, okay? Or if you just want to hang around with Odengie and Eomukie whenever you miss Tanie, okay?”

“Yes, hyung! Thank you so much!” Taehyung replied, grinning widely as he bowed in his seat.

“See you later, bub,” Jin said fondly, ruffling Taehyung’s hair a little. He turned nervously to Jimin and smiled softly. “Um, and you as well.”

“Oh, yes, you will,” Jimin replied, smiling so hard that his eyes started tearing up. “You will see me. With your own eyes.”

Jimin was fuming. The muscles in his body felt tight and strained as he dug into his food, completely ignoring the confused looks Taehyung kept giving him.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that other people got to openly show their attraction to Taehyung while Jimin was constantly drowning in his love for him. It wasn’t fair that Taehyung only reciprocated flirtations when they weren’t from Jimin. Wasn’t fair that other people got to touch Taehyung like that.

It wasn’t fair that Jimin was expecting Taehyung to love him back.

He felt his anger rush out of him at that thought because it was true. Taehyung didn’t owe him anything.

Taehyung wasn’t his.

“Jimin?” Taehyung asked softly when he noticed the other boy pushing his food away and stare despairingly at the table.

“Jin hyung is really handsome,” Jimin mumbled, swallowing down the ball of emotions wedged firmly in his throat.

Taehyung frowned, tilting his head in question. “I guess?”

“You should…You wanted to date in college, right? You should ask Jin hyung out,” he said, trying to stop being selfish and unfair. “He seems to like you too.”

“But I don’t even know him,” Taehyung answered, frown only deepening. “Jimin, are you okay? Did the kitchen lady say something mean to you?”

Jimin shook his head. “I just. I think you should ask him out to a date. So you guys can get to know each other better. What’s wrong with trying right?”

Taehyung stared at him for a good few seconds and Jimin tried hard to keep his smile steady.

Finally, Taehyung turned back to his food. “If you insist,” he said softly.

Jimin’s stomach twisted in on itself.


“Jimin? Hello?”

Jimin bit harder into his bottom lip, trying to keep all the sounds in. He wasn’t supposed to cry, but just the sound of Yoongi’s voice set him off.

“…Chimmie? Are you okay?”

Jimin ended the call quickly before burying his face in his hands and sobbing.

He felt too small for all his feelings – like a little kid drowning in his dad’s clothes.

His rapidly buzzing phone distracted him from his misery and he read his messages through a film of tears in his eyes.


Min Yoongi: jiminie?

Min Yoongi: did you butt dial me?

Min Yoongi: jimin jiimin jimin

Min Yoongi: were you crying?

Min Yoongi: jimin, i can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong

Jeon Jungkook: hyung is sad?

Min Yoongi: i’m fucking worried now

Min Yoongi: fine.

Min Yoongi: if you don’t speak up, i’m gonna call tae

Park Jimin: please don’t

Min Yoongi: then tell me what’s wrong, chicky

Park Jimin: i’m just

Park Jimin: i’m unlovable

Jeon Jungkook: then explain how i love you, genius

Park Jimin: i love you too, cookie

Park Jimin: and i’m fine

Park Jimin: everything is fine

Park Jimin: don’t worry about me

Min Yoongi: is typing…

Jeon Jungkook:  is typing…

Jimin turned his phone off, shoving it somewhere off the bed, and stuffed his face under his pillow. His face felt wet and gross, and his nose felt stuffy, but he just wanted to compress himself into a tiny little ball till everything stopped being so much.

An eternity later, he felt the door to his and Taehyung’s dormitory room slam open and he stilled, set on pretending to be sleeping. One look at his face, and he knew that Taehyung would immediately know he’d been crying for hours now.

“Jimin?” he asked, and the only thing that made Jimin look up at him was how frantic he sounded. “Oh my god, look at you. What’s wrong, Jiminie?” he cooed, settling down on Jimin’s bed and pulling the smaller boy into his lap.

After having cried for nearly three hours, his tears surely should have been all dried out. But as soon as he felt Taehyung’s arms around himself, he broke down again. His hands clawed at Taehyung’s tee, scrambling for something stable.

“Oh, what’s wrong, what’s happening?” Taehyung said, still sounding just as nervous and worried as he did when he first entered.

“It hurts,” Jimin replied, because that was all he could think to say. It did hurt. It hurt so bad.

“Where does it hurt?”

“M-My heart hurts,” Jimin sobbed, pushing himself off Taehyung till he was sitting sniffling, swollen and utterly pathetic in front of the love of his life. “My-My fucking heart. It won’t stop hurting and I can’t stop crying even though my e-eyes hurt so much.”

“Let me-” Taehyung said, eyes watery as he reached out to Jimin.

Jimin shook his head adamantly, keeping himself out of Taehyung’s range even though the distance just made the ache in his belly increase tenfold. “D-Don’t,” he hiccupped, hiding his face in his hands. “It hurts more when you try to comfort me.”

Jimin didn’t need to see Taehyung’s face to know how pained the other boy must look.

“Jimin, I…” he trailed off.

“Not your fault, Taehyungie,” Jimin said, sounding so broken that he almost felt pity for himself. “It’s me. All me and my stupid fucking emotions and my stupid fucking heart.”

“Minnie, please don’t talk about yourself like that. I-I don’t know what to do,” he said and he looked so desperate, so saddened.

Jimin shook his head, biting down on his lip to stop himself from crying. “You don’t have to do anything, Taetae,” he said, trying to smile. “I’ll bounce back. I’m bouncey, right?”

Taehyung sniffled, tears trailing down his wide eyes. “Very bouncey. You’re the best bouncey boy.”

Jimin hiccupped out a breath before crawling to Taehyung. He wiped his best friend’s face with his already tear soaked sleeves and frowned. “I hate seeing you cry,” he said, cupping Taehyung’s face in his hands and squishing his cheeks. “Don’t cry anymore, okay? Especially not for me. I’m just being a baby about everything.”

“You have a crush, don’t you?” Taehyung asked suddenly and Jimin froze. Taehyung looked him in the eye, mouth still quivering with sadness. “It was never hemorrhoids or migraines or stomach flues…You love someone.”

It wasn’t a question anymore.

Jimin nodded mutely.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Taehyung asked, before interrupting himself. “No, sorry. That’s really unfair of me to ask. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like you have to always tell me everything.”

“I want to tell you though. Always want to tell you everything,” Jimin replied, letting his fingers play with Taehyung’s. “I just don’t want you to know who it is yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to tell you who it is.”

Taehyung nodded slowly, before gazing at Jimin softly. “Can you tell me about her though?”

Jimin smiled, he couldn’t help but smile when it came to Taehyung. “Of course! It’s my favourite topic,” he said and Taehyung gave him a small smile for that. “I think I fell in love with them years ago, but I didn’t realise till about a year ago. They're just…” Jimin trailed off, smiling fondly at Taehyung. “So perfect. Everything about them makes me feel so good. They're so gentle and pure and they loves animals so much-”

“More than me?” Taehyung questioned and Jimin laughed.

“I think you both love animals about the same,” he answered slyly. “But, yeah. They're just everything good there is in the world.”

Taehyung nodded, eyes focusing on where his fingers were entwined with Jimin’s. “They sound really cool.”

Jimin squeezed their fingers together. "They are. The coolest.”

Taehyung pulled himself away, folding his hands in his lap, and smiled at Jimin. “Do they know?” Jimin shook his head and Taehyung said, “I hope you tell them because they would never say no to you. No one could say no to you.”

Jimin scoffed. “You’d be surprised.”

“You’re wrong, Jiminie,” he said with a sigh. “But your skewed sense of self esteem is a problem for another day-”

“You’re not my therapist!”

“-For now, I’d suggest you immediately call Yoongi hyung back before he drives himself here.”

“Oh shit, yeah!”


Jimin had imagined a lot changing after his halfway confession to Taehyung, but things remained mostly the same. Taehyung was just as lovely as always, Jimin was just as in love with him as always and university was driving both of them steadily into insanity.

The only thing that had really changed was the level of suffering Jimin felt everyday because Kim Taehyung had found himself a boyfriend.

"Tae, you have a perfectly good bed of your own," Jimin grumbled sleepily. "Why can't you sleep in it?"

Taehyung shrugged, wrapping his arms tighter around Jimin and pressing his face deeper into his neck. "You smell nice and you're warm," he replied softly.

Jimin sighed. It had been three months since they'd moved into their new dorm room and Taehyung had spent every night sneaking into Jimin's bed and just being extra adorable and clingy.

"What would your boyfriend think?" Jimin asked, the word still bitter on his tongue. "I bet he wouldn't like you sharing bed with some guy."

"But you're not some guy," Taehyung mumbled. "You're Jiminie. My Jiminie."

Jimin huffed, pacified. He was Taehyung's Jiminie.

“Besides, Jihan knows we’re just friends,” Taehyung mumbled, pressing a kiss to the back of Jimin’s neck. “I would never date you.”

A month ago, Jimin would have flinched, maybe even burst out crying. But the Jimin that had already seen Taehyung make out with his boyfriend on multiple occasions, he was stronger than that.

“Not like I’d want to date your clingy ass either,” he replied, slipping his leg between Taehyung’s.

There was a pause and Jimin wondered if he had actually offended Taehyung before the taller boy quietly asked, “So how’s it going with your Mr. Perfect?”

“Still as one-sided as ever,” Jimin replied, drooping back into Taehyung. He felt so warm and snuggly that he couldn’t even find the energy to be upset about his unrequited love. “I miss your cuddle pants, by the way,” he added, missing the feel of silky pyjamas against his bare legs. “Why did you have to forget them at home?”

“I thought we would sleep in separate beds,” Taehyung protested.

“And whose fault is it that your bed is used for storage?”

“Mine,” Taehyung grumbled. “But I don’t like sleeping alone. You know that!”

“I do, cutie,” Jimin soothed, gently caressing Taehyung’s arm.

A knock on the door jarred them out of their sleepiness, and in slipped the infamous boyfriend.

Despite Taehyung’s claims that Jihan wouldn’t mind, the boy did not look impressed upon finding them cuddling in bed at seven in the evening.

“Really?” he said, an eyebrow raised.

Taehyung meeped as he hid his face into the crook of Jimin’s neck. “Jihan! I’m not ready to be seen yet!”

Jihan rolled his eyes. “Babe, you’re always ready to be seen. You were made to be seen.”

As much as Jimin disapproved of Jihan, he nodded in agreement.

“No, you have to leave so I can get ready,” Taehyung whined and Jimin instantly turned his glare of Jihan.

“You heard the King. Wait outside, peasant,” he commanded.

Jihan rolled his eyes one more time for good measure, before stepping outside.


When Taehyung invited Jimin to come along to their date, he wasn’t too keen. But seeing the look of open disdain on Jihan’s face at the idea of Jimin tagging along made the decision for him.

Not only was he going along, but he also decided to invite Jin hyung, the only person who hated Jihan more than he did.

They ended up at a fancy restaurant just outside of campus. The atmosphere was amazing, the music great and the food was absolutely heavenly.

Jimin hated it.

“Mmm,” Taehyung moaned with a pout, rubbing his hands on his slightly bulging belly.

Jimin giggled, poking Taehyung in the stomach teasingly. “Are you all full, Taehyungie? Stuffed like a duck?”

“You should stop if you’re so full, baby,” Jihan said to Taehyung, smiling affectionately as he ruffled Taehyung’s hair. “We can always come back again.”

Jimin made eye contact with Jin who was aggressively rolling his eyes and almost laughed out loud.

“No, Tae, you should finish your food,” Jin said, smiling extra sweetly. “You don’t want to waste all that food and money.”

“Overstuffing yourself to the point of being sick is better than wasting a little food?” Jihan questioned irritably.

“I just think it’s insensitive that there’s so many people literally dying because of starvation and you’re encouraging others to waste ‘a little’ food,” Jin replied, the sickly sweet smile still in place and looking completely unfazed. “Right, Jimin?”

“Yeah, dude,” Jimin agreed. “That’s totally insensitive.”

“Taehyung leaving a couple bites isn’t going to feed starving kids somewhere across the globe, though,” Jihan said, frowning. The tips of his ears were red.

“Why would you go across the globe when we have plenty of starving people right here in South Korea?” Jin questioned softly. “Right, Jimin?”

“Hells yeah.”

“Fine then! Taehyung can get it packed up to take back home,” Jihan proclaimed.

“Mm. That’s cool,” Jimin said, leaning his head on his hand as he stared lazily at Jihan. He waited for Jihan to call the server to them before adding, “I just think it’s sad how people don’t care about how much harm take away containers do to the planet.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Jihan exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the table.

“For real?” Taehyung asked angrily, impressive brows furrowed as he placed a placating hand on Jihan’s arm. “I didn’t invite you guys with us so you could be nasty to my boyfriend. He tries so hard to get to know you guys and all you both ever do is treat him like shit.”

“It was just a joke, Taehyungie,” Jimin protested. He was never on this side of Taehyung’s anger and it didn’t feel good.

“It’s not funny if the person you’re joking with is only getting upset,” Taehyung scolded and Jimin shrunk down on himself. Taehyung sighed, leaning back into his chair. “I think you guys should leave.”

Jimin shared a look with Jin before nodding. He placed a few bills on the table to pay for his share of the meal, and so did Jin, before they got up to leave.

“And Jimin?” Taehyung said and Jimin turned eagerly. “I’ll stay over at Jihan’s tonight. Don’t wait up. Goodnight.”

Jimin felt crushed.

“Hyung, do you want to stay out with me?” he asked desperately. He didn’t want to go back to his empty dorm room. He didn’t want to face the reality that no matter what, Taehyung wasn’t his to love and keep.

Jin gave him a small sympathetic smile as he nodded. “Let’s go to The Lake.”

The Lake wasn’t actually a lake. It wasn’t even a pond. At most, it was an abnormally large puddle but it was a spot where college students could get drunk without having to worry about anything. It was Jin and Jimin’s absolutely favourite spot.

“It’s so sad,” Jin said after his fourth bottle of beer.

“What is?” Jimin asked.

For once, Jimin wasn’t drinking. He just didn’t feel like getting drunk. He didn’t feel like doing anything.

“Being in love with Taehyung,” Jin said offhandedly.

It wasn’t surprising to Jimin that Jin loved Taehyung too. Who wouldn’t?

“Ah,” he said carefully. “You too?”

Jin frowned. “Me too what?”

“You’re in love with him too?” Jimin asked before nodding. “Makes sense. You’re always so protective of him and you’re the only one who hates Jihan as much as I do.”

Jin tilted his head in confusion. “I’m not in love with Taehyung,” he said, placing a hand on his heart. He pointed a shaking finger at Jimin. “You’re in love with Taehyung.”

“Wait, you’re not?”

“Of course not!”

“Then…Then why do you behave like that?”

“Because I love Taehyung with all my heart,” Jin said and Jimin just sighed.

“I think you’re too drunk for this conversation, hyung.”

“Brat! I’m not drunk at all. The more I drink, the more sober I become,” Jin said sagely, even though he was swaying in his seat. “I meant, I love him like a little brother. A little brother who is honestly too sweet for the world.”

Jimin heaved a massive sigh. “He really is. He’s too kind, too pretty, too sweet.”

Jin pouted drunkenly, bending down to place his head on Jimin’s shoulder. “You need to stop saying things like that,” he said. “It makes me pity you, you pathetic little loser man.”

“Hyung! That’s mean!”

“I know, and I mean all of it,” Jin promised.

Jimin huffed, crossing his arms across his chest as he glared at the puddle. “I don’t want to be pathetic or little or loser man. I can’t help my nature.”

“That’s the thing, though,” Jin said. “You’re not actually pathetic or a loser. You’re just…When it comes to Taehyung, you’re so- You’re just weak. You doubt yourself too much.”

Jimin swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny any of that.

“You’re so brave and strong and confident otherwise. When I first met you, you terrified the shit out of me because you can be really intimidating,” Jin continued. “But when it comes to Taehyung, you're so paralyzed with fear. Why? Why can't you just tell him what he means to you?"

“Because,” Jimin said. Paused. Sighed. “Because he deserves better. And I know he’ll find someone better.”

“Someone better than his literal soulmate who knows him better than himself?” Jin questioned and Jimin blushed.

“Yes,” Jimin insisted, ignoring how Jin rolled his eyes at that. “I’m not…I’m not Jihan. I’m not you. I’m just…me. How could I ever be enough?”

“Jimin, you’re the most beautiful, talented, kind-hearted and loving person I’ve ever met,” he replied. “How can you not be enough? I don’t get it.”

Jimin’s face burnt with embarrassment. “Even if I am...Even if I am enough, there is a very big chance that Taehyung doesn't return my feelings for him, and I can't take that chance," he said. "Taehyung isn't just my 'crush,' he's my best friend, my soulmate, my everything. I can't risk losing him."

He turned his head to the sky, a little at peace with the dejected acceptance inside him. "Even if I never tell him, even if I'm always just his best friend, it's good enough," he continued and Jin made a soft, sad noise. He gave his hyung a reassuring smile, shrugging. "My love for him is enough. I'll love him and care for him regardless of what our relationship is."

"And I’m also straight,” he finally added.

Jin’s nostrils flared and Jimin was momentarily scared for his life. “You have a rainbow coloured dildo.”

Jimin twitched. “It’s a paper weight.”

“You literally have a folder on your laptop that’s filled with gay porn.”

“If you had paid a little more attention, you would have noticed that the folder was actually titled ‘no homo,’ which cancels out any and all homosexuality I could have acquired from it,” Jimin justified, filled with smug satisfaction.

"You're literally in love with Taehyung, a man!"

"Am I though?" Jimin challenged. "I've never actually said I love him."

"...So I hallucinated you going off on an angst filled tangent literally a minute ago about how much you love but don't deserve Taehyung?"

He shrugged. "At your age, hallucination is not far fetched."

“Oh, fuck this,” Jin said angrily, taking out his phone and angrily scrolling on it.

Jimin’s own phone buzzed in his lap and he unlocked it eagerly, hoping it was Taehyung replying to his seven paragraphs long apology.

jinnie hyung: dr. choi

jinnie hyung: Yanghwaro 12gil 8-7 Rm 201, Mapo-gu, Seoul

Jimin frowned, turning to look at Jin. “What’s this?”

“Get some fucking therapy and learn to love yourself, bitch.”


"I'm hanging onto the end of this rope," Jungkook crooned, arms stretched wide to his sides. "Somewhere on the outskirts of hope!"

"Life without you not around!" Jimin continued the song. His feet were tippy tapping across the dorm hallway, his bag feeling exceptionally light on his back as he danced and sang on his way back to his dorm with one of his best friends. He thought of the pizza and Taehyung waiting for him in their shared dorm room, and sang a little louder, "Another kid in lonely town!"

"Spending life, rather drunk, but I was just a kid, I-" Jungkook sang as Jimin unlocked the door to his and Taehyung's dorm room.

And then Jungkook screamed.

Taehyung pulled his mouth away from Jihan's with a wet sound. Both their faces burnt red with arousal and embarrassment, but it seemed like Jihan was so shocked that he forgot he was still straddling Taehyung on the couch.

"No," Jimin said with an emphatic shake of his head. He stomped inside, throwing his bag down somewhere in the entry way of their dorm room. "No!" he repeated as he rolled a magazine and thwacked Jihan on the top of his head with it. "Dismount Taehyung right now!"

"Jimin, what the hell!" Jihan crowed, trying to protect his head with his arms as he fell to the side and off Taehyung.

"I've had a really shit day and I am really looking forward to sitting with my friends and eating shitty, week old pizza," Jimin said, hands on his hips. "I will not let you take this away from me."

"Wait, what happened?" Taehyung asked. His lips were slick with spit and Jimin felt a wave of nausea and want roll in a confusing mix through his stomach at the sight. "Was your professor a shit to you again?"

"No, but I did fail last week's quiz because I'm a fucking loser."

"You're absolutely not a loser," Jihan said, trying to discreetly straighten his clothes. "You're actually pretty okay."

Jimin hmphed, turning on his heels to drag in a frozen Jungkook inside. He looked very much like the over grown child that he was; eyes wide and face aflame. "Yeah, because that's what I'm going for. Pretty okay at everything," he said. He forced a plank like Jungkook into the sole bean bag in their restricted room space. "Cookie, do you need some water?"

Jungkook turned his wide eyes to him and blinked.

Jimin sighed. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Okay, I'm gonna head out," Jihan said, leaning down to peck Taehyung on the lips again. "You guys have fun. Hope you feel better soon, Jimin."

"Thank you," Jimin answered with a small smile.

It had been weeks since the disastrous dinner date incident and after being given the silent treatment for one whole terrible hour by Taehyung, Jimin was dead set on being on his best behaviour around Jihan.

Once he stopped constantly antagonising the other, he realised that Jihan actually wasn't a bad person at all. He obviously cared a lot about Taehyung and kept him happy, and Jimin forced himself to be satisfied with just that.

If he couldn't be Taehyung's boyfriend, he could at least be happy that his best friend wasn't dating some random douchebag and try not to ruin his relationship.

"Goodnight, babe," Tae said with a grin and a wave, before quickly turning to Jungkook. "Cookie, I'm so sorry. Did I traumatize you?"

"H-Hickey," Jungkook stuttered out.

"He speaks!" Jimin cackled, handling a mini bottle of water to his stunned friend. He turned to Taehyung and raised a brow. "But seriously, what the fuck. Your neck is completely red and purple."

Taehyung self consciously pulled up the collars of his shirt to unsuccessfully try to cover the marks. "I have a sensitive neck and Jihan knows, so," he said.

Jungkook made a keening, high pitched noise in the back of his throat as he dropped the bottle in his hands and covered his ears instead. "No sex talk in front of the baby!" he shouted.

"I thought you weren't our baby," Jimin said with a smirk, sitting down at Taehyung's feet.

Taehyung immediately pulled his head to lie back on his thigh and started playing with his hair. Jimin felt all the bad joojoo from the day just leak out of his body and evaporate into thin air.

"I can't believe I just watched my father suck face with some guy," Jungkook mumbled, rocking back and forth in his place.

Jimin laughed, throwing his head back so it was cradled between Taehyung's thighs and he was looking at the other boy upside down. "How could you cheat on me, Cookie's other dad?" he demanded jokingly.

"You couldn't keep up with my needs," Taehyung answered just as easily. "I had to find another dick to sit on."

Jimin's jaw dropped open. "I am genuinely offended," he said, hand on his chest in affront. "I will have you know that I have the stamina of a wild horse. My dick is untamed and always ready to go."

Taehyung snorted in amusement, nearly folding in half as he laughed, face impossibly close to Jimin's for a mili-second. "I've been married to you for years now," he replied, still giggling. "You can't lie to me. Remember when Jungkookie was conceived? You nutted in three seconds flat."

"Lies!" Jimin shouted, pushing himself up and turning around so he could properly face Taehyung. "Also? What the hell? Why are you the bottom in this scenario? Have you seen my ass? I'm definitely the one who birthed Jungkook."

"What the fuck is wrong with you both," Jungkook said seriously, more a statement than a question. "I am not an ass baby."

Jimin sputtered and burst out laughing, eyes tearing up at how solemn Jungkook had sounded. Soon enough, Taehyung and Jungkook had joined him on the floor, all of them a pile of giggling mess.

"I missed you, Koo," Jimin said once they had calmed down a little.

Jungkook smiled, his cute little front teeth peaking through. "Of course you did," he said. "Didn't have anyone to bully with me gone?"

"Didn't have anyone to love and baby to my heart's content," Jimin corrected, grabbing Jungkook in a loose headlock and ruffling his hair.

"Stop it, demon!" Jungkook groaned, but made no effort to break free. Instead, he cuddled closer. "And stop lying. You baby the fuck out of each other."

A pause.

"That's true," both Taehyung and Jimin said at the same time.

Jungkook snorted derisively.

"Ah, I still remember the day I pushed Jungkook out of this very bussy," Jimin said and Jungkook grabbed a pillow off his bed to try to smother him to death.

"Jungkook, stop, you're gonna actually kill him!" Taehyung said between laughing his ass off.

"How come you go into a catatonic shock just by seeing Taehyung kiss someone but you are your normal murderous self when it comes to us talking about our dicks and ass birth?"

Jungkook grinned, using Jimin and Taehyung's bodies as a mattress to avoid lying on the uncomfortable floor. "I don't know," he said with a shrug. "I'm used to you two. You've always been gross and mushy and weirdly sexual with each other, so it's fine."

Jimin squirmed uncomfortably, and he sincerely hoped that Taehyung would assume it was because of Jungkook's weight squishing him down.

"If I had walked in on you both making out," Jungkook continued, completely blind to the weird tension in the room, "I'd just pull your gross tongues away from each other and put myself between you two. Maybe take a couple pictures to send Yoongi hyung."

"My tongue isn't gross!" Taehyung grumbled and Jimin immediately leaned up to take a peak at Taehyung sticking his tongue out to prove Jungkook wrong.

Jimin nodded, impressed. "You're right," he said. "It's kind of cute."

"Thank you."

"See what I mean? What other heterosexual guy says that to his best friend?" Jungkook said. "You guys are just weirdly attached to each other. I just roll with it at this point."

"Stop questioning my heterosexuality all the time! I was born this way!"

"Stop quoting Gaga and I'll stop questioning your heterosexuality," Jungkook replied casually.

"Gaga doesn't belong to the gays."

"Au contraire," Taehyung mumbled and Jimin slumped back in defeat.

"I tried."


“Jimin, put the fucking chiv away, you’re freaking Tae out,” Jin ordered, but there was no reasoning with the tiny, angry man.

“Just give me a name,” Jimin said menacingly. “No one gets to make you sad.”

"Stop!" Taehyung said, voice weak and shoulders droopy as he tried desperately to drag Jimin into bed. "It's not a big deal!"

“Give me a name.”

“Kim Taehyung,” Tae said in irritation, before screaming into his hands and throwing himself back into the bed. “Fuck, I hate myself so much.”

Jimin immediately threw his chiv to the floor and climbed onto the bed and on top of his best friend. He squished Taehyung into the sheets, pressing kisses everywhere he could reach. “Don’t fucking talk about yourself like that,” he said, frowning. “You’re the most perfect. The best baby. The cutest, the smartest, the kindest, the-”

“I’m a bad person,” Taehyung interrupted.

“Taehyung, honey, what happened?” Jin asked, caressing the other boy’s hair.

“Jihan loves me,” Taehyung stated.

Jimin frowned. “Of course, he does. Who wouldn’t love you? Obama loves you. Obama's future grand children love you. You’re the most lovable person on planet earth.”

“No, I’m not,” Tae whined. “I’m horrible. I-I knew he liked me and I lead him on even though I knew I could never love him back.”

“What? Why not?” Jin exclaimed, though his eyes glinted like he already knew the answer.

Taehyung stared unblinkingly at Jimin for a whole minute, but then he closed his eyes and just sighed. “I broke up with him,” he said. “He told me he loved me and I broke up with him.”

“Uh, that is…kind of…” Jin started saying. Jimin eyes snapped up to glare at him, murder written in them. Jin swallowed, throat suddenly dry. “…completely okay,” he finished, scared. “That’s not at all shitty. You’re perfect.”

“Why do you feel like you can never love him back?” Jimin questioned gently before kissing Taehyung’s forehead. “I thought you really liked him.”

Taehyung shook his head, pushing himself up and forcing Jimin off his body.

Jin watched them stare at each other, some sort of silent communication through their soulmate bond, he guessed. Jimin pouted, slowly cradling the side of Tae's face and the other boy drooped into the warmth.

“Um, I think I’m going to head home,” Jin said awkwardly. He bent down to pick up the fallen weapon. “I’m taking this with me because Jimin is an actual fucking psycho. Where did you even get the fucking chiv from?”

Jimin blushed, shrugging. “I don’t remember where I got it from. I just remember being really drunk and trying to duel with a fruit fly.”

“Right. Of course,” Jin said with a nod. If there was anything he had learnt in the past few months, it was that when it came to Jimin and Taehyung, it was better to just accept things than to question them. “Okay. So I’m out. Taehyung, take care of yourself. And I think you guys should say some very important things to each other.”

“Um, okay?” Taehyung mumbled, frowning.

“Some things that could change your relationship,” Jin hinted heavily.

“Bet,” Jimin replied.

Jin heaved a sigh. “Well, I tried.”

Once Jin had left the room and they were left to themselves again, an awkward tension seemed to rise between them.

Jimin didn’t understand it and he absolutely didn’t like it.

Taehyung was his best friend. Taehyung had been his best friend since probably a past life. They were never awkward around each other and he hated that it was like this now.

“Okay, I finally understand how shitty it feels when your best friend doesn’t tell you something,” he said, sitting cross legged on the bed. “And I’m not trying to guilt you into telling me. Just saying.”

“I’m sorry,” Taehyung said. His eyes were rimmed in red and the tip of his nose was red, but he still refused to cry.

“No, don’t apologise,” Jimin said urgently. “It’s okay if you can’t tell me. But could you please tell someone so you don’t have to go through this alone. I hate seeing you so sad, pretty."

Taehyung chuckled bitterly, swallowing hard before he said, “God, you really don’t make it easy, Park Jimin.”


Taehyung shook his head again, biting down on his lip. “I keep trying to love people, keep trying to move on, but you make it so hard.”

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t…” Jimin sputtered. Was he the reason for Taehyung’s tears? “Did I hurt you?”

Taehyung glared at the ceiling, mouth pursed in an emotion Jimin didn't recognise on his best friend.


"No," Taehyung finally said and he sounded so small. "No, of course not. You could never hurt me, Jiminie."

Jimin's heart clenched painfully in his chest. "Then...what did you mean by..."

Taehyung shook his head, grabbing Jimin by the wrists and pulling him to lie down with him. "Nothing," he insisted. His voice sounded rough, like he was just at the edge of crying but trying so hard to hold it together. "One day, I'll look back at all of this and it won't hurt me as much. I'll tell you then. For now, just hold me."

Jimin stared at Taehyung in concern. He was balled up in the middle of the bed, staring unseeingly at the opposite wall. He slowly crawled to envelop Taehyung into the most comforting hug he could possibly give the other boy.

He knew this moment was of extreme significance because no matter what others thought, Taehyung wasn't someone who easily shared how he was feeling. He had a habit of burying every negative thought and emotion, not just because he was bad at dealing with them but also because he always felt like he was being an inconvenience to others by being anything other than completely joyful.

Jimin pulled at his best friend till Taehyung was buried in Jimin's chest. He pressed his cheek against the top of Taehyungie's head, humming softly. "Thank you for sharing how you felt with me, Tae," he said softly and Taehyung sniffled. "And I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I can promise you I never meant to. How could I ever intentionally hurt my favourite person on planet earth?"

Taehyung peaked up through his long lashes, his mouth downturned adorably. "Am I your favourite?"

"Of course," Jimin replied with a smile. "You always were and always will be. The loveliest little cutie."

Taehyung hid back in Jimin's soft tee, giggling a little. "How can you say that? You're the loveliest."

"I am a soggy sock compared to you."

"Ah, hard disagree," Taehyung mumbled, smiling. He looked back up at Jimin and sighed. "Thank you for always being there for me, Chim. I only have you."

Jimin gently cupped the back of Tae's head and brought him close again, completely smothering him in affection. "I love you, Taetae," he said sincerely. "I'll always be there for you."


"I don't understand why I always fall for your shit," Jimin said, heart thundering in his chest as he ran for his life.

"Because I keep shit interesting!" Taehyung shouted from behind him, sounding a little too gleeful for someone who was being chased by campus security.

Jimin slowed down despite his anger at having been dragged into another one of Taehyung's stupid adventures. If they were going to get caught and suspended, they would go together.

He waited for Taehyung to catch up to him before complaining, "My parents will literally throw me out on the streets if we're thrown out of the university!"

"It's okay, my parents - My parents will - Oh my god, my lungs are burning-" Taehyung replied, panting heavily. "They'll adopt you. My mom, she always wanted you as her son."

"As lovely as that is, I'd rather hear you saying something like, oh no, Jimin, of course we won't get caught and thrown out to live a life of depression and drugs," Jimin said incredulously.

They had been running for nearly ten minutes now. Jimin, a trained dancer, wasn't even winded up but Taehyung seemed very close to his demise.

Jimin paused for a second, letting Taehyung tiredly climb onto his back, and then started running again. Their dorms were almost in sight.

"I can't believe we made a slip and slide in the fucking library," Jimin said, shaking his head.

A long rope made of blankets hung from the window of their dorm on the third floor. Jimin kept a watch out as Taehyung slowly climbed up the rope. When they'd first started using it in their second semester, Jimin would constantly be in the middle of a serious heart attack as he watched Tae climb up, so scared that his noodle arms would give up and he would fall to his death - all for some midnight cravings for donuts. But overtime, Taehyung had gained just enough strength to push himself up their window and then fall into an immediate nap.

Sure enough, by the time Jimin climbed into their room and reeled their trusty rope up, Taehyung was already sprawled across their bed, breathing hard.

"That was close," he gasped again, grinning wide and rectangular.

"Do you get off on this?" Jimin questioned in disgust. "Do you get off on taking me off on bizarre fucking adventures in the middle of the night and driving me into premature death via stress?"

Taehyung just giggled. "You're so overdramatic, Chim," he said. "I took us out to have fun tonight! Admit it! You loved slippery sliding all over the floor."

Jimin chose to remain silent.

When Taehyung had asked him to wear his swimming trunks and then asked for help stealing all slippery liquids from their floor of the dormitories, Jimin had been rightly suspicious and reluctant. But as always, it took a minuscule down turn of Taehyung's lips to convince Jimin to do whatever Taehyung was asking off him.

After a humbling and chilling walk through the campus in just his tiny swimming shorts, they were in the library, pouring body wash, shampoo and conditioner all over the pristine tiled floor.

Admittedly (only admitted in Jimin's head and never aloud), Jimin had had a lot of fun.

Finals had been stressing him the fuck out, and he also had a dance performance coming up in the next month, causing him to constantly be on edge. Taehyung was no better. Though Taehyung claimed to never had truly loved Jihan, he was really hit hard by the break up.

He suddenly had to be back to spending all his time with Jimin and his other friends, and he didn't have someone constantly shamelessly flirting with him. He didn't have someone to pamper and make out with. It was a weird transition to being single again.

The hand made slip and slide had been a great way to relax and stop thinking for a while.

They'd played around for hours, getting the entire main entrance of the library wet and soaking in bubbling water and soap.

Jimin had even ended up getting a rash on his stomach from sliding too hard.

"Can you at least take your gross wet clothes off? You made the bed all wet," Jimin complained, trying to drag Taehyung off the bed.

While Jimin had stupidly walked around campus in just his tiny speedos, Taehyung was dressed in soaking wet and slightly soapy oversized white tee and black swimming shorts.

Taehyung perversely wiggled his eyebrows at Jimin. "Not the only thing I can make wet."

"You're gay," Jimin deadpanned. "Stay in your fucking lane."

"Have you ever made someone drenching wet, Jimin?" Taehyung asked in the same tone one would ask about the weather in.

Jimin's cheeks blushed. Over the months, his Heterosexual Jimin schtick had landed him in a perpetual state of no sex.

He had had a couple beards briefly - making mutually lucrative deals with closeted lesbians - so the only intimacy he had experienced was holding hands and a handful of awkward pecks to convince parents and friends of their love.

"Y-Yes," he stuttered in response. "Girls love my mouth."

Honestly, he wasn't even too sure about the anatomy of a female body and how to make it feel good. But he was sure he'd heard that dialogue in one of his "straight guy creampies stealing gay twink" videos.

Jimin was distracted from his lies by the visible bob of Taehyung's throat as he swallowed. Jimin shivered at the look in his best friend's eyes...He'd never seen them this dark or this hooded.

Taehyung licked his lips, leaving them shining, as he stared shamelessly at Jimin's mouth.

He pushed himself off the bed and walked closer, till Jimin could feel the warmth radiating off his body. Tae bit down on his lip, raising his hand slowly to caress Jimin's jaw. He thumbed gently at Jimin's full bottom lip before caressing it slowly.

"You do have a very nice mouth," he said and Jimin shivered again at how much deeper his voice sounded. "All plush, soft lips. And that fucking tongue..."

"What about it?" Jimin asked, clinging onto the very shreds of his courage.

Taehyung turned his eyes back to Jimin's, and Jimin stopped breathing. "It makes me want to bite down on it," he whispered, the tip of his thumb almost dipping into the surprised gape of Jimin's mouth. "Drives me crazy just thinking about your mouth, Jiminie."

"Tae," Jimin gasped, his hands reaching out to place themselves on Taehyung's waist.


Jimin stepped back in surprise, their hands falling to their sides uselessly.


Wet clothes.

"Y-You should change," Jimin said softly. He shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have let it get that far. "Don't want you catching a cold."

Taehyung scrutinized Jimin for another second, eyes curious. "Right," he responded with a nod and a small smile. "I'll go get changed. You should wear something over that speedo of yours. Awfully seductive, Jiminie," he added with another one of those heavy glances at where Jimin definitely wasn't completely soft anymore.

Jimin squeaked, hiding his hardening dick with his hands and blushing while Taehyung just laughed.



Park Jimin: friends, i can't wait to be murdered

Min Yoongi: mood

Jeon Jungkook: i'll sharpen my knives

Park Jimin: you guys are absolutely no support at all

Park Jimin: why am i even friends with you both

Park Jimin: who am i supposed to go to with my problems, huh? my MOTHER?

Park Jimin: you really want me to tell my mother that my best friend saw that i got a chubby because of him?

Park Jimin: i hate you both

Park Jimin left the conversation.

Min Yoongi: tell me i hallucinated that and he didn't really tell us about his erection




Hoseok hyung always said that performing on stage was like sex. He felt his passion and urge to dance build up till his body was desperate for release and once it was over, he felt ecstatic. Dancing made him feel loose limbed afterwards, made him feel soft and tired in just the right way.

For Jimin, dancing and performing was a drug.

From the moment he was in his performance costume and makeup, his body would become a mess of adrenalin highs and restless energy. On stage, everything felt enhanced. The scorching heat of the spotlights trailing his every movement, the screams and cheers of the audience, the movement of his body to the rhythm of the music - it all felt like it ebbed and flowed around him, sped up and slowed down like a movie.

He lived for the rush of the performance and as soon as he was backstage again, he couldn't help but feel lost. Like he had suddenly been smoked out, his body tired but his mind craving another second of that mind numbing rush.

“Minnie, you were so good!” Taehyung shouted as he ran backstage towards Jimin.

Taehyung, his anchor in a world gone mad.

Jimin laughed, loud and bright and relieved, as his best friend lifted him up into his arms and twirled them around. “Tae, you fool! Put me down before I break your noodle arms!”

“Oh, hush,” Taehyung said, grinning widely as he put Jimin back on the ground. “You weight less than Tannie.”

“No, I don’t,” Jimin giggled.

They took a step away from each other, grinning maniacally at each other. Taehyung looked away first, a soft pink blush on his cheeks, and raised the bouquet they had squished between their bodies.

"I got you flowers," he said and Jimin felt inexplicably shy.

Taehyung always got him flowers.

"They are beautiful," he said, biting down hard on his bottom lip. He looked at his best friend through his lashes. “Did you see me land that last jump?”

“Yes! And the lift? Perfection! Mind blowing! Beyoncé was left shooketh!”

Jimin vocalised the feeling of asdfghjkl as he pushed his gross and sweaty face into Taehyung’s neck, wanting to hide his burning face. “You’re too much,” he said.

“God, it’s like watching a Nicholas Sparks book unfold right in front of my eyes,” a high pitched voice said behind them and Jimin launched himself at the person before he could even fully locate him.

“Cookie!” he shouted, wrapping all his limbs around the taller boy. If the flexing muscles underneath him were anything to go by, Jungkook could definitely hold his weight. “You came!”

“Jimin, geddoff. You’re embarrassing me,” Jungkook murmured, arms holding Jimin stable even though his ears were turning red.

“Aw, you’re such a cute little baby, aren’t you?” Jimin cooed as he got to his feet, but not before pressing a big, wet kiss to Jungkook’s round little cheeks. 

Hyung,” Jungkook whined, shaking his hair into his eyes as the apples of his cheeks turned completely red. “Stop it.”

“I showed up too, but I swear to god, I will pass out if you jump at me like that.”

“Yoongi hyung! Oh my god, my whole squad is here!” Jimin exclaimed, giving him a tight hug as well. “This is the happiest day of my life.”


“Hey, how come Jungkookie gets to carry you around but I can’t?” Taehyung complained later, once they were on their way to dinner.

“Because I don’t care if I break his arms, baby,” Jimin replied reassuringly, ignoring Jungkook’s squawk of protest.


Dinner was a loud affair.

They were joined by Jimin’s dance friend Hoseok, Jin and Jin’s cousin, Namjoon, and had just ended up going to a 24/7 convenience store to eat instant noodles when no one could agree on where to go.

“To Jiminie,” Taehyung shouted, raising his can of lemon iced tea. “May he always get to do what he loves and always stay happy!”

“To Jiminie!” everyone shouted back and Taehyung sat back down to take a large swing of his drink.

“Oh, wait,” he said suddenly and stood back up again, once again raising his can in the air. “May his stupid crush get their head out of their ass and tell Jimin they love him too!”

There was complete silence and Jimin could feel his face slowly heating up till even the tip of his nose was bright red.

“Uh, yeah,” Yoongi said awkwardly, keeping his eyes away from both Jimin and Taehyung. “To…um, to…”

“Love?” Namjoon suggested nervously.

“To love!” Hoseok and Jungkook shouted in agreement.

“And people getting their heads out of asses like some fucked up mpreg fic!” Jin added, drunkenly.

“Okay, you’ve had more than enough to drink,” Hoseok chuckled as he pulled the bottle of soju out of Jin’s hand.

“God,” Jin sobbed. “You both are so fucking stupid. My brain cells are falling dead at the speed of light just by being in your presence.”

Taehyung just looked confused.

"So, uh, Taehyung," Jungkook said after they all fell into an awkward pause. "How come your boyfriend didn't come with us today?"

"He's probably stewing in his swamp," Jin muttered just loud enough for Jimin to hear. "Fucking ogre."

Jimin glared at Jin. He wasn't going to start a fight with Taehyung again.

"Oh, um, it's...He's no longer in the picture," Taehyung said diplomatically.

"His boyfriend hates Jiminie," Jin answered, unhearing, and Jimin groaned as he slammed his head onto the table.

Taehyung huffed an annoyed sigh. "He actually hated you more, but go off."

"Wait, what?" Yoongi asked, frowning. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing," Jimin pressed, crossing his arms across his chest. "Nothing is going on here. We're not here to talk about stupid shit. Let's move on."

"Yes!" Hoseok, the eternal sunshine, an actual angel descended from heaven, said. He was the only one in their group of friends with literally any sense at all and Jimin was suddenly so grateful to have him. "Let's talk about Jimin's crush instead. How have I never heard of this before?"

Jimin regretted making friends. He was suddenly very reminiscent of his days in his mother's womb when he didn't have to interact with any dumb boys who couldn't read a room to save their fucking life.

"You've not? Shocking," Jin said, dropping his head into a flustered Hoseok's lap. "It's all this brat can talk about."

"No, it's not," Jimin protested, frowning. "I don't talk about that at all!"

A resounding silence met his answer and Jimin flushed red.

"Well, that's true for me," Taehyung said, scoffing softly. "He doesn't talk to me about it either."

Jimin watched in disapproval as Taehyung put his iced tea away and grabbed Yoongi's bottle of soju instead. He put the bottle to his lips and chugged, grimacing and coughing but still swallowing down a substantial amount.

"Oh? So do you all know who he is?" Hoseok asked.

"I-I don't even have a crush on him anymore," Jimin said nervously. His hands were shaking in his lap and he didn't know how many lies he'd have to tell before he could walk out of this situation. "This was in my first semester here. It's been like, a year since. I've moved on."

"Did you ever end up telling him?" Taehyung asked. His eyes were already red.

"N-No," he nearly whispered as he forced himself to meet Taehyung's steady gaze. "I'm never going to tell him. I-I don't how I could ever survive if he rejected me. He means too much."

Taehyung swallowed visibly. His eyes glittered. "But it is a 'him,' huh?"

Jimin froze.


"Yes," he conceded. Some part of him, a very tiny part that was almost completely drowning in the anxiety of having been caught, was glad, almost relieved that he wouldn't have to keep lying to Taehyung about at least one thing. "He's a guy."

"You're gay," Taehyung reiterated.

Jimin could only nod in response.

Taehyung grabbed his can of iced tea again, smiling wryly into it. "I kind of figured that out a little while ago," he said with a small laugh. "You were a very convincing straight boy till you decided to introduce your beard as your ‘heterosexual partner.’ That was a bit much."

Jimin groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “God, I should have listened to her when she said that would be too much. Lesbians are never wrong.”

The silence turned overbearing again. Yoongi cautiously sipped his soju, while Hoseok continued to look extremely confused. Namjoon noisily cleared his throat before turning to read some webtoon on his phone. Jungkook, still an awkward little baby, just escaped to the washroom.

Seokjin snored gently in Hoseok's lap, and Jimin was grateful for the noise.

"I'm sorry, I just...I'm trying to get it, I really am. But I just don't understand it," Taehyung said five minutes of tense silence later. He didn't look angry, just dejected, and Jimin hated seeing that look on his face. "At first I thought maybe you weren't telling me about your crush because I'm gay and you thought I wouldn't understand or be comfortable with your crush on a girl. But that's not it, huh?"

"Tae..." Jimin said, trying to reach out and hold Taehyung's hand but he just pulled it out of his reach, tucking his hands under the table.

"Am I that shitty of a friend, Jiminie?" he asked, sounding so heartbroken. "That you felt like you had to not only hide your crush from me, but also your sexuality. Did I creep you out with my affection?"

"That's not it at all! Tae, baby, I never-"

"It's because I'm in love with you, right?" he said, and in the hollow silence that followed the words, Jimin’s world came to a still. "Isn’t that why you didn’t tell me about your crush? Because you always knew how I felt about you and you didn’t want me to act like a crazy, jealous lover.”

"Taehyung," Jimin said in a gasp. He knew they weren't alone, knew everyone was watching them, but he just couldn't control the shock he felt.

Tears trailed down Taehyung's flushed cheeks and he wiped them away in a single, angry sweep of his hands. "I tried so hard not to love you, but you made it so fucking hard," he said, voice shaking with emotion. "I-I tried to date Jihan, to be in love with him, tried to give you space, but you k-keep holding me close, keep giving me sweet little kisses, k-keep-Fuck, why did you make me love you so much?"

Taehyung was openly sobbing now and Jimin could do nothing but watch, mind numb. Nothing felt real. He felt like he was watching everything from the outside looking in, like he was floating in a cloud.

Was he still asleep?

"Why couldn't you love me back?" Taehyung weeped into his hands, shoulders shaking desperately. "Why did you have to fall for your stupid fucking Mr. Perfect with his stupid fucking face and-"

"I told you not to talk about yourself like that," Jimin said numbly.

Taehyung sniffled, peaking through his fingers to frown at Jimin. "I'm not talking about myself."

Jimin sagged in his seat. This was real. It was all very, very real.

"Yes, you fucking are," Jimin declared before he climbed over Namjoon and Yoongi to climb into Taehyung's lap and kiss the living daylights out of his boy. "You-" Peck. "Dumb-" He bit harshly on Taehyung's tear coated upper lip. "Jackass!"

Taehyung gasped into his mouth, shivering in Jimin's arms. Jimin pressed himself closer, his fingers buried in Taehyung's inexplicably soft hair. Tae shuddered and made a soft, pleased noise before pushing Jimin back against the table and sucking hard on his tongue.

"Fuck," Jimin groaned, kissing back fervently.

More than a decade of wondering and day dreaming, and Jimin finally knew all the answers.

Taehyung’s lips were in fact just as soft as they looked.

He really was very noisy, all moans and gasps and soft sighs.

He did put all his love and passion into his kisses.

“I’ve loved you for so long,” Jimin said when they pulled away to breathe.

Taehyung whined, tightening his hold on the front of Jimin's t-shirt and pulling him down into a kiss again.

Jimin laughed, playfully biting at Taehyung’s bottom lip. “So needy, pretty baby.”

“You’ve been romantically and sexually blue balling me my entire life,” Taehyung complained. “Of course I’m needy.”

"Oh!!" Hoseok suddenly exclaimed and Jimin startled hard into the edge of the table behind him.

Taehyung and Jimin untangled themselves from each other, nervously fixing their hair and clothes as they suddenly remembered that they were in fact surrounded by their friends.

Jungkook was back and flushed red as he stared at them with wide eyes.

"So Jimin's crush has always been Taehyung?" Hoseok asked, eyes wide with curiosity.

Besides Jimin, Yoongi sighed heavily and downed another shot of soju.

Jimin giggled, giddy and still a little floaty. "Always," he confirmed, squeezing Taehyung's hand in his. "Since I was three."

"Really swept you off your feet with my dirt eating ways, huh?" Taehyung asked coyly.

His face was shiny and glowing pink. His lips looked swollen in a way they had never looked before, and Jimin instantly decided that he loved debauched Taehyung the most.

"You know it," Jimin whispered, leaning over to steal another kiss.

He could already tell that Taehyung's kisses were going to be his favourite addiction.


Kim Seokjin groaned, stretching out all the kinks in his bones before he could even open his eyes.

He snuggled deeper into his surprisingly firm pillow, gently patting the little bump right in front of his face. He wasn't ready to open his eyes yet. His body felt so perfectly warm and the world felt so at peace.


Jin would have screamed if it wasn't for the fact that his entire body had decided to go numb in shock. He jumped up, eyes wide, and pushed himself up on his bed.

Wait a minute.

This wasn't his bed.

And that definitely wasn't his pillow.

"Good morning?" Hoseok said after a nervous cough. He was leaning up on his elbows as he continued to lay sprawled on the bed in only his pyjamas, his delicious little belly on full display. "So you just patted my dick. Not sure how you feel about that."

"T-That was your dick," Jin stuttered, his hands shaking. They had just touched Hoseok's dick. "I just touched your dick."

"Gently patted it, more like," Hoseok responded. His face was slowly turning bright red. "Like you would a small animal."

"Oh my god."


"Wait, what do you mean you don't know how to feel about it?" Jin demanded. "Your dick was just touched by my very own hand. Do you know how privileged you are for that?"

Hoseok smiled, warm and wide, his lips turning into the prettiest little heart. "Oh no, I definitely feel honoured," he said easily and that made Jin sputter and blush with shyness. "I said I don't know how you feel about it..."

Jin pulled the top of his sweatshirt over the lower half of his face, feeling flustered. "I-I don't know!" he shouted. "Where even am I and why was your dick in my face in the first place?"

"My apartment," Hoseok answered, finally sitting up properly. He crossed his legs and rested back against the headboard, and Jin nearly drooled at how effortlessly gorgeous he looked. "You got completely smashed last night and wouldn't let me go when I brought you home. You insisted that I remain shirtless so you could keep your head cushioned on my beautiful burger bun abs."

"That's narcissistic."

"Oh, those are not my words," Hoseok said, grinning. "That's a direct quote from last night. Must say, you really have a way with words."

Jin straightened up indignantly, nose stuck in the air proudly even though his entire body was on fire. "I never said that."

Hoseok titled his head to the side teasingly, before grabbing his phone from the side table. "Hmm? Are you sure? I think I have a video of you saying it...Now where is it..."

Jin rushed to slap the phone out of Hoseok's hands and the other boy just laughed, not even caring as his phone landed on the floor with a harsh thud.

"No, you don't," Jin insisted. "Besides."


God, Jin hated that stupid impish smirk of his.

"I'm straight," Jin said, grimacing at the bitter taste the words left in his mouth.

He finally understood a little bit of what went on in Jimin's crazy head.

Hoseok outright laughed at that. "Of course, you are," he cooed. He stepped out of the bed, and then with strength that was surprising for his lean body, he pulled Jin up as well. "Breakfast?"

"Sure," Jin replied, agreeably being led out by the hand into the living room. "I'd like some, uh, hot cheetos and um, monster. And maybe a side of-"

"Pussy?" Hoseok asked with a snort.

"No, you degenerate," Jin replied, frowning. "I meant - Woah, you're rich."

Jin had been too flustered to notice what the bedroom looked like, maybe it had been lavish as well, but now that he was a little more in his senses, he could appreciate the luxurious interiors of Hoseok's living room.

"That's a chandelier," he said, eyes wide and fingers still intertwined with Hoseok's.

Everything from the couches, the giant tv mounted on the wall to the incredibly soft looking carpet in the middle of the room looked like it belonged in the house of a celebrity or a politician. The colour theme of the house made it seem like it had been designed by someone else, because no way was Hoseok with his tricoloured flannels this in tune with colour schemes.

And then Jin peaked into the kitchen and stopped breathing.

He turned to a visibly amused Hoseok with wide, terrified eyes. "You drugged me!" he said, voice shaking.

"What the?" Hoseok said, frowning. "No, I did not."

Jin turned back to the kitchen and yup, he could still see a half dressed Taehyung making out heavy and sloppy with an equally undressed Jimin.

"Then why am I fucking hallucinating right now," Jin asked with a shaky breath.

God, he felt like he was three seconds away from a heart attack. First a dick touch with an absolutely beautiful specimen and now this? He was too old for this stress.

Curious, Hoseok peaked over Jin's shoulders to look into the kitchen as well.

"Jimin, what the fuck!" he shouted and the boys jumped up, startled and guilty. "I told you no sex in my fucking house! Why is your ass on my fucking kitchen counter?"

"His naked ass," Jin added, looking carefully to confirm that yes, Jimin really was wearing no pants and his beautifully bubbly asscheeks were definitely bare.

Hoseok's ears turned red, nostrils flaring. "Your bare fucking asscheeks on the very counter where I make food!"

"It's Taehyung's fault," he said quickly and Taehyung made a sound of protest, quickly silenced by Jimin's hands covering his mouth. "He's too sexy and lovable."

"Mmph!" Taehyung protested loudly, shaking his head to free himself of Jimin's hands while also making sure to keep his hands on Jimin's buttcheeks to keep them covered. "No, it's because you're too sexy and wanted to put nutella on my dick."

Jin felt lightheaded. Really, really faint. His vision was blurring along the edges.

"I'm guessing I missed out a lot last night, huh?" he said softly and Hoseok scoffed.

Taehyung shrugged, grinning at Jimin as he looked at him with the entire galaxy in his eyes. "Not too much," he answered.

Jimin made a happy sound and kissed him like he just couldn't help himself, and they were back to moaning in each other's mouths.

Hoseok made to walk up to them to force them apart, but Jin grabbed him by the wrist before he could take more than a single step.

He gave him a pleading look. "If you let them fuck it out in your kitchen, I'll do anything you ask of me," he begged.

Hoseok stared at him questioningly.

"Please," Jin pleaded. "I've been watching them run around in circles around each other for a year. Let me have this."

Hoseok smiled. "Go on a date with me," he said.

Jin smiled slowly, looking down and dropping Hoseok's wrist like it had burnt him. "I guess I can do that," he said shyly. "Even though I'm like...blindingly heterosexual."