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Make Me Feel Alive (and shatter me)

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“You’re looking extra bouncy,” Louis said as he stopped in front of his office. Harry was standing at his door bouncing from foot to foot, a giant smile on his face. Louis could see the way his body was wound tight, ready to pounce on him the moment he got the go ahead. Louis held open his arms and Harry jumped forward, letting out a small squeal as his arms wrapped around Louis’ neck.

“I missed you so much!”

Louis laughed. “I missed you too, baby. It was a long week without you.” He’d been on the continent for a conference. Harry had already booked sessions back in London months ago so he’d been unable to join Louis. It had been the first time they’d been apart since moving in together and Louis knew he’d missed Harry greatly.

“You can’t leave me again like that,” Harry said after he’d kissed Louis.

“You were the one so busy you couldn’t take my calls,” Louis reminded him as he opened his office door and let them get in to get some privacy. His office had changed in the months since Harry had entered his life. It was more homey, since Harry spent time in it when he was at the club, with an added sofa and new pictures hanging on the wall. Pictures of, and by Harry.

What could Louis say, he had a thing for displaying his boy.

“Lou,” Harry whined as he flopped down on the couch. “You know I feel bad about that. I fell asleep without charging my phone and so it died when I was out in the field.”

Louis joined him, letting Harry curl up with his head on his lap. “Yes, yes, I remember what you said. Still no excuse. So tell me, how was your work?”

“It was good. Got my article published. Managed to convince Shawn to be the model for Cara’s leather store campaign I’m filming. Have I mentioned I hate when people expect me to supply the models?”

“You really should tell her that’s not part of your job,” Louis said, already knowing what Harry was going to reply with.

“Ugh the things I do for small businesses and friends. Mmm, let’s see. I booked our flight to San Francisco even though that’s supposed to be Niall’s job. Double checked that my booth was paid for. Spoke with Sarah about your suspension demonstration. She said Mitch can model for you if I’m too busy when the time comes since his only job is to sit pretty anyway.”

“Sounds like you were a busy bee,” Louis said.

Harry smiled up at him. “How was the conference? I saw some of the livestream from your panel, and then watched the playback demonstration but I want to hear everything.”

Everything?” Louis asked, with only a bit of teasing. “Hmmm, well, my hotel room was lonely and the size of a shoebox. I saw Lou - told her to say hi to Lux for us - had dinner with Bebe-”

“Yeah she sent me creeper pics of you,” Harry said.

“Well aren’t you just a know it all,” Louis said. “I placed a couple orders for new toys with a vendor. I found a great deal on some male masturbation toys which is great because those are a bitch to sterilize for the public play room so having a bunch on hand is always good.”

“We’ve never played with those, have we?”

“We haven’t done a lot of things yet,” Louis pointed out, eyes following Harry as he said that. Harry wasn’t looking at him, instead keeping his eyes on the patterns his fingers was drawing on Louis’ thighs. “Do you want to have me use one on you? Or you use one on me?” Harry didn’t really react to what he had said and Louis frowned a bit. “Do you have something you want to try?”

Harry pulled himself up off of Louis’ lap and straightened himself up. Louis could see the veneer of professionalism he was putting on and that told him he needed to sit up and treat whatever Harry was about to say with the utmost importance.

“I have a proposition for you,” Harry said.

“That’s an interesting thing to have for me. Do you need something from the club?” Louis tried to think what Harry could need. Louis had already given him permission to write articles on the club whenever he wanted: including reviews of events, interviews with staff, and also interviews with himself. It was only free publicity after all.

“I came up with an idea for my next big article. Nick has been pushing me to come up with series ideas, where I could write and publish multiple articles over a period of time to have people coming back for more content.”

“I remember you brainstorming about this a couple weeks ago, yes.”

“I want to try being 24/7 for a week. With you.”

That hadn’t been what Louis was expecting at all. His breath caught at the idea even though he didn’t have any details yet of what Harry wanted to do. The idea of staying in their roles for an extended period of time was something he’d never considered since for them scenes were scenes, and then they went about their days together. Sure he knew there were some aspects of their every day personalities that leaned them more towards dominance or submission, but overall Louis thought in the day-to-day they lived a pretty balanced, boring, equal life.

Harry kept on speaking as if he hadn’t just brought about a whole new perspective to Louis’ world. “I was thinking I would be the submissive for the week, just because writing from that perspective and experience would be a lot easier? I would be able to focus more on the feelings of what I was doing compared to having to remember those and plan for each day AND take care of your wellbeing too.”

“That makes sense.”

Harry finally seemed to focus on him. “Would it be something you’re interested in doing with me?”

“Is that a real question, Harry?”

“Yes because I want to be sure. I’ve spoken with Jade about how it is for her and she’s said it can get really intense. I wasn’t sure if that was something you wanted to experience with me.”

“Of course it’s something I want to experience for you. I do think we’ll need to talk about everything though. Like would you prefer this to be more of a spontaneous adventure where we sort of live our regular life but just the added degree of total submission or would you rather have it be a planned adventure type thing where one day I make you dress up as a maid, one day I have you plugged up, one day we do a wax play scene?”

Harry pursed his lips in thought. “I think having it be the mix might be better? Like I still want us to be us and do what we normally do, watch movies on Thursdays and go see Gemma and Lottie on Wednesdays but at the end of the day I will need to be writing about this and saying ‘oh we just acted normal except we said I was Lou’s willing slave’ just doesn’t seem like it would fly? So we’d need to try in some regard. The idea overall though is that I’ll be submitting to you at all points in time. So I guess one of the big rules would be something along the lines you make all the final decisions.”

Louis wasn’t sure how he liked the sound of that. He held up a finger and stood up, heading over to his desk. “Let me just grab my laptop so I can keep notes while we talk. I think this is one of those points a contract would be good to have, even if we don’t sign it.” Harry was waiting patiently for him to get back. Louis opened a word document and started typing. “I’ll write down your rule but we’ll see if it stays as is. I think first thing we should tackle is boundaries. Our hard nos will be respected but-”

“I think some of our yellows should be tested. Or well, my yellows.”

Louis could understand that. “Do you have any in mind?”

Harry took a deep breath. “Knife play is what immediately comes to mind for me.”

“You performing it you mean?”

“Yes. I think I’d want you to teach me how to do it.”

“That request doesn’t seem very subby,” Louis said but he made sure Harry could see his face was scrunched up to try and contain his laughter. He typed down testing H’s limits: knife play. “As the dom I’ll be in charge of what scenes - well I guess they wouldn’t be scenes they would just be sex - but either way I’d be in charge of what we do and when we do them. On that note everything that happened during this week would not need to be discussed?”

“That’s why we’re having the discussion now.”

Louis wrote down some more notes and then worried his lip with his front teeth for a minute. “Would we still have our normal cool down talk period after each scene or would we only do that if one of us had a problem with what we had done?”

“I think… after care is still a must but if I’m giving you blanket permission to run everything then I don’t think we will need to talk after each time we do something. Maybe for journalistic purposes we could take twenty minutes before bed to go over how we felt the day went?”

“I can work with that. I want you to feel as safe as possible during this. I don’t want to break your trust.”

“I don’t think you will but that’s why we’re having this conversation now. Or part of the conversation. I think there will be more before we start.”

That put Louis at ease. He liked knowing he’d have time to prepare. “Is there anything you want to do specifically, or you feel you should be doing?”

“I’d want you to pick out my clothes for the week. And maybe handle how I spend my money?”

They still had their own separate bank accounts so a part of Louis thought that request was a little out there, since Harry could always just use his bank card or credit card. Unless… “Would you be comfortable giving me your cards? And I give you an allowance for the week?”

“Yes.” Harry said it with no hesitancy and Louis looked up from what he was typing. Harry’s pupils were blown and his cheeks were flushed.

“Is the idea of me giving you an allowance turning you on?”

“The idea of submitting to you for an extended period of time in new ways is turning me on.”

“Fair enough. We still need to talk so I can’t help you with any arousal yet. Are there any other ways you can think of that you want to show your submission?”

“Some of the more domestic tasks around the flat? Give me chores to do? If we plan the week right I could clear my schedule so I’d be home most days. Be a proper house slave?”

“That could work. If something comes up during the week and you need to work how about you need to ask me permission?” Louis didn’t want to say that he would more than likely give the permission, the illusion of control would be enough.

This one made Harry squirm a bit in his seat before he ultimately nodded. “I would be okay with that. Should we just make it a blanket statement that I need to ask your permission for everything that week?”

“I’ll write it down and we can revisit it to tweak it. I know I’m personally crap at taking care of myself since you normally do all the cooking so I’d be awful at controlling when you eat and what you eat but maybe in that regard just checking with me each morning what we’d have for dinner. Or I will tell you. I’d like to be in charge of when you shower and how long you pamper yourself.”

“Do I really take that long?” Harry asked, sticking his tongue out.

“You take just as much time as you need but more time than I would like sometimes, and maybe it’s something we can work on together that week,” Louis said as he added shower control to his word doc. “Is there anything else you can think of at this moment that you’d want to add to this list?”

“Not that I can think of,” Harry said.

“Me neither, but we are going to come back to this in a couple days. I think we have a really good working outline of what we’re looking for. What I’m taking from all of this is that for the week your job will be to fully submit to me, and my job will be to tweak as we go and make sure the experience we are having is enjoyable for both of us.”

“I think that sums it up, yes,” Harry said. “Do you want to sign it with a kiss?”

“There’s nothing to sign yet, but I’ll give you a kiss, how’s that?” Louis leaned over and kissed Harry on the lips, his mind already whirling with ideas. He needed to calm down though. This would be a marathon adventure, not a sprint.