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It May Be Scary, But It's Worth It

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“Are you okay, Sam?” Carole asks when she sees the teenager stare at the wall. “Yeah, just a few things on my mind.” Sam gives her a smile, but she can see that something’s wrong. She puts the laundry basket she was carrying on the ground and walks further in his room, “Tell me what’s going on, talking usually helps.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He does, but she’s not the best person to talk to. ‘Oh, I think I have feelings for your stepson’s ex-boyfriend.’ He doesn’t even want to imagine her reaction. Or Burt’s. Definitely not Kurt’s. His mind immediately starts panicking again. How would Kurt react? Sure, Kurt and Sam weren’t really good friends, but Kurt was nice enough to let him move in their house, and he helped Sam when he was homeless.

And now Sam is in love with Blaine, Kurt’s ex-boyfriend. And he’s pretty sure Kurt still loves Blaine.

Wait, no. He isn’t in love. It’s just a crush, right?

Why are feelings so confusing?

“Sam, do you want me to call Blaine?” Carole and lays her hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. “No, no, I’m okay, I promise. Just, uh, just forgot do so something, I’m fine.” She nods even though she doesn’t believe him and leaves the room.

Sam runs his fingers through his hair, what if this isn’t real? Maybe he’s just feeling like this because Blaine admitted his feelings to him. Maybe in a few days he won’t feel like this anymore. And, he has a girlfriend. Who is he kidding, even he knows that Brittany is still in love with Santana.

--

The next day on school he sees Blaine talking to Tina, he quickly turns around and walks the other way, he doesn’t want to see them. He needs to be sure about everything, and he’s scared that he’ll do something stupid.

“Sam, you okay, dude?” Ryder asks, “English is the other way.”

“Oh, uh, I knew that, yeah. Just, uh, taking a longer way to English today, I forgot to work out yesterday.” Sam stutters, “Sam, that hallway is a dead end.” Sam looks behind him and sees that Blaine and Tina are still talking. Tina looks up and starts walking towards them when she notices Sam. “I, uh, was going to the bathroom first. See you in English.” He hurries towards the first bathroom he sees.

He stays there for a few minutes until he’s sure Blaine and Tina are at math. Ryder gives him a weird look when he walks into English five minutes too late.

He’s avoiding Blaine the rest of the day, and he’s glad that he misses glee club because of an extra swim training. He joined the swim team to impress Mercedes, but he actually likes it. Even though Coach Roz is scary, sometimes even scarier than Sue.

He knows his phone is full of text messages from Blaine and Tina, but he doesn’t want to look at it. Everyone already left when Sam walks into the locker room, he helped Coach Roz with some stuff just so he could concentrate on something different than how good Blaine looked today.

“I thought you said it wouldn’t be weird.” Blaine’s voice makes Sam jump and almost drop his clothes on the ground. “What do you mean, it isn’t weird?” Sam says nervously and doesn’t turn around, knowing that his face is red.

“You’ve been avoiding me all day, Sam. I get it if you feel uncomfortable but…” Blaine trails of, “Would you please turn around?” Sam sights but does turn around, avoiding Blaine’s eyes. “I’m or avoiding you because you have feelings for me, Blaine.” Sam says, it’s the truth. He isn’t avoiding Blaine because he has feelings for Sam, it’s because Sam has feelings for Blaine.

 “Good, because I think I’m over it. The feelings, I mean. I think it was just because I was never really so close to someone.” Blaine tries to explain, he’s the person who’s feeling uncomfortable now. “What do you mean? You don’t have feelings for me?” Sam asks and puts on his shoes so he doesn’t have to look at his friend. “Not anymore, no.”

Maybe Sam feels like that too, he thinks. Maybe it’s just because he and Blaine are best friends. But you don’t have dreams about kissing your best friend, right? Sam had best friends before, and he only had those dreams about the girls he liked.

“Okay, that’s… good.” Sam grabs his bag and quickly walks out of the locker room, he needs to get out of here. “Sam, wait! What’s going on? Why are you acting so weird?” Blaine follows him, and Sam only stops walking when Blaine grabs his arm. “I’m okay, Blaine. I just want to go home, that’s all.” Sam says and looks away.

“You’re not okay, you’ve been avoiding all of us today and Ryder said you were acting weird when you saw me and Tina. I told you I don’t have feelings for you anymore, so you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“Do you… Really not have feelings for me anymore?” Sam is scared for the answer, but also confused. Someone’s feelings can’t go away that fast, right? “I don’t have feelings for you.” Blaine says to him, and for the first time in awhile Sam can’t read his face. He doesn’t know how Blaine is feeling, if he’s telling the truth or just saying this because he doesn’t want Sam to worry.

Sam knew that if he saw Blaine today he would something stupid, and he did. He pushes the shorter boy against the lockers and kisses him. It’s… Different. Blaine kisses him back and his lips are slightly chapped. His lips aren’t sticky or taste like lipstick. They taste like Blaine.

Blaine’s hands, now on his shoulders, are soft, but not as soft as Brittany’s.

Shit.

Brittany.

Sam pulls back immediately and shakes his head. “No, I…. I have to go.” He walks towards the exit, or runs, he doesn’t really know. He cheated on Brittany.

Wait, is having feelings for someone else also cheating? It doesn’t matter, he needs to tell her as soon as possible. He can already imagine Santana screaming at him for hurting Brittany. And if Santana knows, Kurt will know. And Kurt will get mad and tell everyone else.

Maybe he shouldn’t tell Brittany. But if he doesn’t he knows Blaine will, because Blaine will feel guilty too.

He has to tell her himself.

-

 “It’s okay, Sammy, I had a bet with Lord Tubbington about how long it would take you and Blaine Warbler to kiss. Thanks to you, Lord Tubbington has to buy be dinner.” Brittany smiles at him. “You’re not mad?” He asks confused. She shrugs, “No, I like free dinner.”

He frowns, “You do know that we’ll have to break up, right?” “Don’t be sad, Sammy.” ‘Brittany wraps her arms around him, “Now you and Blaine can be together.”

Sam shakes his head, “No, I don’t think we can.” “Why not? Blaine likes you, and you like him.” Brittany asks him. “Just… I’m really confused, and I don’t think the Hudson-Hummels would like it that I’d date Blaine. After everything that happened with Kurt.”

“So? Blaine makes you happy, just like Santana made me happy. I’m sure they won’t mind. Well, besides Kurt, of course.”

Sam stares at the ground, “Is it weird that I’m scared?” He doesn’t know why he feels scared. He knows that his parents will accept him, his friends in glee club too. And a guy in the swim team came out last week and they all gave him nothing but love.

“I think that almost everyone is scared when they find out that they’re not straight, Sam.” Brittany says, “You need to get used to it. For some people it takes years to be comfortable, for some it takes days.” Sam doesn’t know why people call her stupid, Brittany can be wise when she wants to.

--

This time it’s Blaine who’s avoiding Sam, he doesn’t know what happened but he’s pretty sure Sam rejected him, again. He didn’t know why Sam would kiss him, only to run away. Was Sam making fun of him? Or was he making sure Blaine didn’t have feelings for him?

Blaine knew he still had feelings for Sam, but when Sam kissed him the feelings got even stronger. It took him everything to not tell Brittany when she was smiling at him in the hallways. Did Sam tell her? Probably not, if he did Brittany wouldn’t be smiling at him.

Music has always been the answer for him, so finds himself sitting in the auditorium, playing a few songs that are stuck in his head.

He just finished ‘This Is Gospel’ when he suddenly feels like he’s being watched, he turns around and sees Sam standing there. He isn’t sure what to do, so he waits for Sam to walk on stage. “I’m sorry for running away.” Sam says and looks at the piano. They were here a few days ago, when Blaine confessed his feelings. And now he’s here, confessing about his own.

“Why?” He isn’t sure if Blaine is asking why he ran away or why he kissed him. Sam bites his lip before making eye contact with Blaine. “I think…” He can’t say it out loud. He shouldn’t have come here.

And then Blaine suddenly understands it. The confusion in Sam’s eyes, the fear in his voice. “Sam, do you have feelings for me?” Blaine stands up and Sam looks away. “I… I’m sorry.” Is the only thing Sam can say. Blaine grabs his hand, and it’s a new feeling. Sam looks at it, it’s not much different than holding a girl’s hand.

“I realized it after you told me about your feelings.” Sam starts, “I…” He doesn’t know how to continue. “What about Brittany?” Blaine asks him. “I told her yesterday, apparently she made a bet with Lord Tubbington about us.”

“So, you guys broke up?” Sam nods, “Yeah, we did.” Blaine takes a step forwards, or Sam did, Sam doesn’t know, but they’re suddenly really close and he had Blaine pinned against the piano. He can feel his heart beating when he kisses Blaine softly. Everything is new but feels so familiar and safe at the same time. The way Blaine grabs his shoulders, the way Blaine runs his fingers through Sam’s blonde hair, the way Blaine’s lip taste. Everything about Blaine makes him go crazy.

He only pulls away when they need to breathe, Blaine smiles at him and it makes Sam want to kiss him again. So, he does.