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Adventures with Wood

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Xander was in trouble. The problem was not the subject of their most recent research night. He could handle little monkey men with leathery skin and red hair. He didn’t care that they had big feet, wrinkly hands, or pointy ears. Giles called them Rundail demons, but Spike called them “Batface Juniors” because they looked like the Master. That didn’t bother Xander, either – after all, he’d revived Buffy after the Master left her to die face down in a pool of water. He could deal with Batface Juniors.

The problem was their widely varied sexual habits. Because, damn, but they were widely varied. He’d lived with Anya for over a year by the time she decided that she needed to explore the rest of the world before she settled down with anyone. During that time, the two of them had done quite a bit of sexual experimentation. Xander had always thought that he had a solid grasp on sexual variety, but it looked like he was wrong. Boy was he wrong.

When Giles set the stack of books in the middle of the table, everyone grabbed a book, and started reading. Even Spike. That was a little odd, as he usually avoided research like the plague. But he’d been rather hyped up for a week or two now, so Xander figured he was probably looking for a new way to put himself to sleep.

Since Spike was closer to the stack, he passed a book down to Xander. That was nice of him, and Xander immediately looked for the catch. There had to be a catch. But since they were doing research, he guessed the catch was the fact that by nice, Spike was forcing Xander to do research. So yeah, there was evil in his good deed. Damn him.

Xander had reluctantly opened the book and started reading. The first few pages had been fairly boring. That’s when he’d learned about the leathery skin, and the pointy ears. Then Xander turned another page, and was hit face first with a double-paged view of the many, and varied, forms of Rundail sexual activity. Boy howdy. For only having the two sexes, they certainly managed to keep themselves busy!

The picture he was getting all googly-eyed over was obviously a Rundail version of the Kama Sutra. Xander knew the Kama Sutra. He and Anya had been through the whole thing. There was a lot of boring crap about life and stuff, but it was also chock-full of sex – describing sixty-four different sexual positions. Xander knew exactly how many, they’d tried them all - twice. He’d pulled his back, and sprained his left elbow. Anya had gotten leg cramps half-a-dozen times, and ended up with a mild concussion at one point, but it had been worth the effort.

Obviously, the Watcher who’d written this book had spent several decades studying the Rundail, and he’d found this fascinating piece of art that consisted of a huge cube with carvings cut into all of its six faces showing several hundred different sexual positions. Each two inch square block had been hollowed out, leaving just the couple, or group that was having sex, behind. The Rundail seemed to be very fond of group sex. They also had more than one set of genitalia each, of which Xander found himself extremely jealous. It didn’t seem fair that humans got stuck with just the one set.

Xander was impressed. The carvings were extremely detailed. Quite a few positions were similar to those in the Kama Sutra: the Rocking Horse, the Crouching Tiger, the Rowing Boat, the Catherine Wheel, the Reclining Lotus – well, those were the names he and Anya had used; some of the original names were kind of stupid. For that matter, some of the positions were pretty stupid, too. But Anya had been determined to try them all, so they had.

He found something that looked like the ‘Cowgirl’ pose, but then he realized that there was an extra penis in that picture. He blinked. Yep, that was a penis, alright – even if it did look more flexible than a human’s – almost more like a snake than a penis. Well, huh. That was interesting. He’d always wondered…. He cleared his throat, and pulled the book closer. These carvings were incredibly detailed, and beautifully rendered. As a construction worker, he could certainly appreciate the hours of work that had gone into carving the wood.

Heh. He said ‘wood.’ Oh, great. Show him pictures of several hundred human-like creatures having sex, and he turned into a twelve year old. Xander shifted in his chair, suddenly aware of his rather massive hard-on. Just what he needed. He tried to pull his mind back from the gutter. He was supposed to be researching how to kill the little bastards, not how to have sex with them. Damn. He couldn’t stop squirming in his seat.

“You all right there, mate?”

Spike’s question brought a halt to Xander’s shifting. He looked up from the book into Spike’s piercing blue eyes, and blushed. At this moment, he needed Spike’s attention like he needed a hole in the head.

“Oh. Um…yeah, I’m fine. I just need to…um…use the little boy’s room. I’ll be right back.”

He grabbed his jacket off his chair and held it in front of him as he fled the room. Fortunately, everyone was busy with their research; they barely glanced up as he left. Except for Spike. For a moment, Xander thought that Spike was checking out his ass, but that couldn’t be right. Spike was the hot one. He was the one that people checked out, not the other way around. Not thatXander checked Spike out. No way. Well, okay, maybe once or twice. But that was it. Honestly.

Xander slammed the door to the bathroom shut, locking it firmly before pushing his jeans and boxers down to his ankles and collapsing onto the seat. He hated to jerk off at the Magic Box, if Spike came back this way anytime soon, he’d know exactly what Xander was up to. He couldn’t help it, though; he was more turned on than he’d been since Anya left four months ago.

Reaching into the cabinet under the sink, he pumped some hand lotion into his palm. Since Xander added a shower to the bathroom here in the training room, Buffy had started leaving lotion there, and Xander had availed himself of it several times. If she only knew. Fortunately, she had no idea. He took his cock into his slick hand, and started to stroke.

He knew it wouldn’t take long. He’d jerked off a lot in the months since Anya left. He missed her smile, and her eager fascination with the world around her, but the thing he missed most was the sex. They’d had a lot of sex. Xander reached down and rolled his balls, moaning as he thumbed the head of his cock. It would be nice to have someone else’s hand on his cock again. If he kept this up, he was going to end up with one arm with huge muscles, and one skinny arm. Maybe he should practice jerking off with his left hand.

He definitely had lots of material to work with. He’d begun to worry when Anya had first suggested they bring other people into their bed, but he’d explained the concept of monogamy to her until she got the hint. Not that he hadn’t been tempted when she’d pointed out their waitress at the Espresso Pump – she and Anya would have looked fantastic together – but that wasn’t the way he worked. He was a one-woman man.

She’d even brought up Spike’s name. More than once. She’d gone on and on about his lean body, and his tight muscles, and all that pale white skin. He’d been jealous until she’d explained that she didn’t want to have sex with Spike. She’d wanted Xander to have sex with Spike. He’d shot that one down quickly, but now that she wasn’t around anymore, he had to admit that images of the Blond Menace had worked their way into his fantasies from time to time.

He bet Spike was a good kisser. He was an incredible fighter – when he moved, it was almost like dancing, graceful and powerful at the same time. He had a finely-sculptured face, an incredible ass, sleek muscles, and strong thighs. Xander shivered, imagining Spike’s hand on his cock instead of his own. Spike would have a strong grip, and his tongue would be agile, and wickedly seductive. He’d be one hell of a cocksucker.

Xander gasped, coming almost without warning, the image of Spike’s mouth on his cock projected on the inside of his eyelids. He sighed Spike’s name as he collapsed back against the tank. Wow. That had been one hell of a powerful orgasm.

Unfortunately, he’d have to go back out and face them all, now. He wasn’t looking forward to that. Damn Spike for handing him that book in the first place. He cleaned up, checking himself in the mirror before he left. He looked a bit flushed. Maybe he’d hang out in the training room for a few minutes before he faced them all again.

Opening the door, he stepped back in a hurry, as Spike pushed his way inside.

“Spike! What the hell?”

Spike leaned on the back of the door, smirking at Xander as he sniffed deeply.

Xander blushed as he realized that Spike could smell what he’d been doing. “Hey, that’s not very polite!”

Spike licked his lips seductively. “Liked that book, did you? Picked it out for you myself.”

“What? You asshole! You set me up!”

Spike crowded up against him, and Xander stepped back until he ran up against the wall behind him.

“Oh, quit your crying. It’s obvious it didn’t do you any harm. Don’t you worry,” Spike said with a hungry smile, “next time, I’ll take care of that hard-on for you, all right?” He ran his hand down Xander’s stomach and over his cock, squeezing him right through his jeans. If he hadn’t just come, Spike’s hand on his cock probably would have set him off right then and there.

Xander’s head fell back against the wall with a thud, but before he could think of anything to say, Spike was gone. He collapsed onto the toilet seat in shock, his knees giving out under him. Spike wanted to have sex with him? Oh, man! Xander had a feeling his sex life was never going to be the same.