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I'll Sing for your Lonely Soul

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或许你还会哼著 几年前的一首歌 (Perhaps you would still hum along to that song many years ago)
片段动人的歌词 依旧记得 (Those lyrics struck your heartstrings, you would still remember)

I watched you hum a song under your breath. You had a sad smile on your lips as you hummed while you did your work. I pretended that I didn’t know it was a song you once shared with him.

I pretended I didn’t see the sad smile.

I pretended that you were fine and it was a song you liked. I pretended to gaze at the raindrops landing on the windowsill, I pretended that the anger I felt was not there.

也许你还没忘了 最应该忘记的人 (Perhaps you’ve not forgotten the one whom you should have forgotten first)
缘份总让幸福变得曲折 (Fate always cause Happiness to become twisted)

You thought I was still showering, as you sneaked the photo album out of its hiding place — under the bed we share at night. You gently touched the photos, eyes smiling at the memories that are trapped in the frame of time. You find comfort in the past, where memories are happy, and you’re in his arms.

I looked away, giving you a little privacy with your memories. I returned to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, allowing the tears to fall freely from my eyes. I covered my mouth and muffled the noises I made as your laughter rang out throughout the room.

生命有几个过客 会带走你的天真 (How many times has life taken away your innocence)
爱过几个错的人 才能够完整你的人生 (The experience from loving the wrong people only serves to complete you)

When you’re beneath me, arching into my embrace, the name that chokes up in your throat was not mine. You clawed my back and whispered in a sob, “Don’t leave me please, Ryota”. I held back a cry of my own, biting down hard on your shoulder.

When you passed out afterwards, I took a towel to wipe you clean. You mumbled in your sleep, tears falling from the corner of your eye, the same name repeatedly falling from your lips. I stopped my movements and covered your clean body with the blanket, stepping out of my room to sit on the couch in a daze.

Cuddling the pillow on the couch, I drifted to sleep.

你的寂寞在唱歌 (Your loneliness is singing)
是否曾偷偷想起不敢想的人 (Have you secretly thought of that someone you're afraid to think of)

Before we got together, you were a regular customer at the café I worked in. You often dropped by with your boyfriend, and I watched how your laughter lit up the room when he told you a joke. I fell in love with you, and when you started coming here alone (out of habit, I guessed), I took my chance.

I watched the smile slip from your face when you stopped your work and stare off into the distance. Your friends came to the café with you in tow. It was something they said, and you lost the glow in your eyes.

They apologised but you waved their apologies off, trying your best to smile. The smile didn’t reach your eyes, neither did your eyes crinkle up like they did when he told you a joke. They changed the topic quickly and I went over with a slice of cake.

I slid it in front of you and the group stared at me curiously. I only had eyes for you (back then and until now), smiling down to you, informing you it’s on the house. They stared at you and me curiously, sly smiles dancing on their faces as you thanked me softly.

I smiled and hurried back to the counter, greeting the next customer I had to serve. I lived in small moments like this, feeling like I’m all you had, feeling like we belonged in the same world. I sneaked a look and saw that you were absentmindedly poking the cake, ruining it.

I sighed and sent another customer off. Perhaps I should have chosen the cake I remembered you ordering whenever you came here with him.

你的快乐不快乐 (Your happiness and unhappiness)
勉强的笑容看得出来你累了 (It is obvious that you're tired, from the forced smile you wear on your face)

It has been two weeks since you last visited the café, and your cheeks have sunken in. Your eyes had dark rings around it, your eyes lost their glow. You chose to sit at the counter today, cold fingers cupping the cup of hot coffee.

I asked if you’re okay, an awkward conversation starter. You looked up, stunned, before nodding, a practised smile stretched across your features. You assured me that you’re fine, but I wiped a stray tear from the corner of your eyes and raised my eyebrows at your blatant lie. You blinked, and fresh tears fell from your eyes as you sobbed out the story.

He left you for a friend he met while jamming at the bar down the street. He asked for your forgiveness and kissed you on your eyelids for the last time. He walked away, leaving you shattered on the floor.

“I don’t even know why am I doing this here, this place is filled with all the memories I had of him,” you choked out, pressing the heel of your hand into your eyes, trying to stop the tears.

I walked out from the counter, it was a peaceful afternoon and you were the only customer. I hugged you from the back and you froze in my arms. I kissed the corner of your head softly, tightening my hold on you.

“Will you let me replace him, and fill the gaping hole he had left behind?” I had asked, watching the stunned look on your face melt away and you threw yourself on my shoulders, crying.

I cradled you in my arms and let your heart cry as you lean on my shoulders tiredly.

情歌动人也伤人 (Love songs are both beautiful and painful)
听到心碎成几片 还是舍不得 (Even with your heart shattered, you're still reluctant)

It has been a week since that one song was on repeat in my studio apartment. You moved in after selling off the apartment he left for you. You curled up in my couch and sang along to the lyrics.

Tears stained your face and I grew to love your voice. You said he used to sing this song for you whenever you’re feeling sad. I searched the lyrics and listened to the song a few times more, imprinting the song into my mind.

The song started playing again and I frustratedly turned it off. You stared at me with bloodshot eyes and yelled. I played dirty and yelled back saying this was my house, and we play by my rules.

It was our first fight.

The broken glass now sits at the bottom of the trash while the slamming of the door resonates in the empty room. Hours later, you returned home and thrusted a bag of chocolate buns in my face. You muttered an apology and ducked into the shower.

I stood in the kitchen, staring at the bag of chocolate buns. For once, I was unsure of what to do.

An apology remained stuck in my throat.

我不是你爱的人 (I'm not the one you love)
还是愿意为了你的寂寞唱歌 (Yet I'm willing to sing for your loneliness)

When you cried yourself to sleep on my bed, I draped a blanket over your curled up body. With a hand gently patting your head, I sang the song we fought over. Because I knew that was the only song to calm you down, the only thing that mattered to you.

When you scoot closer to my warmth, my face heated up and I blushed. I watched your eyelashes fan across your cheeks, stroking the pale skin gently. I touched our foreheads together and closed my eyes, breathing in the smell of your shampoo.

You’re beautiful the way you are, please don't ever change.

我的心不疼不疼 (My heart doesn't hurt, it's not painful)
心甘情愿在你的寂寞里受困 (I'm willingly staying within your loneliness)

You’re getting over the break up, your eyes started to shine a little, your lips started to curl upwards. The first time you laughed softly at my joke, the way your eyes lit up, my breath got caught in my throat. I looked at you stunned and you tucked your hair behind your ear, flustered by the attention I gave you.

I smiled, leaning in to peck you on the forehead. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve met, I’m glad you’re here with me.

I missed the way the light dimmed in your eyes as I basked in the momentary bliss you gave me.

有个爱着你的人 (There is someone who loves you)
远在眼前只为你的寂寞唱歌 (Standing just within an eye's distance, singing only for your loneliness)

We had a fight. A major one. Laced with glassware thrown and shattered across the floor.

You were hurt and I was even more. But I’m worried about you more than my own injuries. I swept the broken shards, and took the first aid box, tending to your wounds.

I have hurt you unwillingly.

“Why are you trying to replace him in my heart?” you asked, tears streaming down your face.

I found no place in my heart to refute that.

I have tried so much and so hard to replace him, to fill the hole in your heart. I didn’t think of how he would have felt. The other guy was someone you had held so dearly, so intimately, so loved.
How could I easily replace his presence?

It has been five days since that fight. Your physical wounds have healed but your emotional wounds are still bleeding. You had taken over my spot by the window, looking out into the rain forlornly.

"Fukka?" I called out, kneeling beside you.

You turned your head away from the window, wiping away the stray tear on your cheek. You saw me furrowing my eyebrows at you worryingly, and swallowed the lump in your throat. You forced a smile and cupped my face.

"Hikaru? What's the matter?"

I closed my eyes, leaning into the touch, as I felt tears pricking my eyes. I will never be able to make you smile, like the first day I saw you, when you stood beside another man, laughing at the joke you both shared.

有个爱着你的人 (There is someone who loves you)
远在眼前只为你的寂寞唱歌 (Standing just within an eye's distance, singing only for your loneliness)

I can only stay by your side, watching you succumb to your loneliness, to your sadness. And I try to understand that whichever position that man had held in your heart, I'm miles and miles away from it.

I can only take in your loneliness, and make you feel less painful with each passing day. And maybe, hopefully, you will grow to accept me, you will grow to love me. I lean up and pressed an urgent kiss to your lips, feeling how you trembled like you always did when I kiss you.

You never kiss back, you never return any kisses, but I'm fine with that - as long as you don’t push me away.

After all, I'm just here to love you and nothing more than to give you the love you need.

Healing the broken pieces the other man had left behind.