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I’m “Me” When I’m With You

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I shouldn't be doing this.

The thought buzzed through Ryan's head like an alarm. Really, he probably shouldn't be doing this; he has a wife and a family at home who he loves.
He really does love them...but fuck, in reality there is nowhere else he'd rather be than where he is right now- on his knees between Hugh's legs, teasing his cock with his tongue, Hugh's dominant hand at the back of his head pushing it deeper into his mouth.

And as much as he loves his family, Ryan has never quite felt for anyone the way he feels about Hugh....his growls of approval as Ryan swipes his tongue across the tip of his impressive length make Ryan feel complete, in some kind of way he hasn't experienced before.

He's not sure if Hugh has the same feelings as him; Hugh is obviously attracted to Ryan or he wouldn't be here, and they're good mates first and foremost...but perhaps he doesn't have the same pull, deep within his soul, that Ryan feels when he's with Hugh.

But he’s here...
Hugh's hand continued to tug on Ryan's hair, pulling him in...
He's here with me... and that had to be enough for now.

Ryan has never actually been with a man before, he's not actually interested in any besides the one he has in his mouth; something about doing this with Hugh just feels right. They hadn't actually done it; this, today- here in the back of Hugh's New York coffee shop after all the staff had gone  and the doors were locked- is the first time they'd been this.

Ryan's the one who had done all the chasing. Ever since they had worked together on X-Men Origins:Wolverine, Ryan had been in awe of Hugh; he was the nicest guy he had ever met (everyone in Hollywood thinks this about Hugh) but not in a boring Mr Nice Guy way- more in a naughty, cheeky, own-the-room kind of way.

He was so amazingly handsome, completely ripped, with the most gorgeous hazel eyes he had ever seen....Ryan had never noticed details like this about a man before- what's happening to me?

They had built up a strong friendship in all those years since that first time working together, and not just the two of them , but their families had become close with each other too. They saw each other a lot in private, meeting for dinner and drinks in locations where they wouldn't be mobbed by adoring fans.
The more time passed, the more Ryan realised that he didn't feel about Hugh how he felt about his other friends. He found his stomach lurching and his heart beating faster when Hugh put a friendly arm around him or gave him a goodbye hug.

Ryan had wanted this for a long time and had felt like there were times when Hugh had looked directly into his eyes, as if he could read his thoughts, that he might have wanted it too.

There was that time when it was arranged for Ryan to interview Hugh for his upcoming movie, Eddie the Eagle. He was so nervous, partly because he'd never interviewed anyone before but mainly because he was interviewing Hugh. He'd hoped his feelings wouldn't be obvious to the millions who would watch the interview; he put on his best Deadpool persona in the hope that the sarcasm, quick-wit and confidence that role brings out in him would cover up what he was actually feeling.
Because what he was actually feeling was the realisation of his need for Hugh- the man sitting in front of him was what he wanted.

He wanted to feel Hugh's lips against his, he wanted to wrap his hand around his waist and pull him as close to him as humanly feel the heat of his body against his. But at this moment, in this interview, he used all the bravado he could summon to hide these thoughts, hoping he hadn't given himself away when he had joked that Hugh was "fucking gorgeous", searching Hugh's face for any indication of what he thought of that under the laugh he gave.
Because Fuck me, Ryan had thought in that moment, you really are fucking gorgeous.

The minutes after that interview was the closest they had come to anything intimate happening between them, while the camera men had their backs to them, Hugh had thanked Ryan for the interview and lent in to give him a hug. Something had taken over Ryan in that moment; he turned his face so that his lips brushed over Hugh's for the briefest of seconds. Hugh immediately pulled his head back as a spontaneous reaction and looked directly into Ryan's eyes.

Fuck what did I just do?
But instead of saying anything, trying to brush it off, Ryan just returned Hugh's stare, looking directly back at him, into those hazel eyes he loves so much. The look on Ryan's face told Hugh something; that wasn't an accident...I'm yours if you want me.
Hugh gave a silent nod, as if he had understood. He then turned, said his goodbyes to the camera crew who were still busy packing away and he was gone, leaving Ryan frozen to the spot, his stomach doing flips and his head spinning.

Since then, that day had hung in the air between them but no words were spoken about it. Ryan didn't want to push it, or rather push him away. He was sure there were some stolen moments between them; their hands brushing each others, not at all by accident- their eyes meeting across the dinner table, which made Ryan feel like it was just the 2 of them alone together in a room full of people.

The weeks that had lead to where the two men were now- Ryan swallowing Hugh's length entirely, Hugh thrusting his hips forward in response- had been intense, to say the least.

The public banter between the 2 men had always been there- tagging each other in funny photos, or Ryan responding to one of Hugh's tweets with a sarcastic comment- he is Deadpool, after all- it's like the fans expect it of him.

But it was on Hugh's wedding anniversary that Ryan had panicked that he may have gone too far. He had re-tweeted a sweet anniversary message Hugh had written for his wife with the caption; I gave this 3 months. Tops. I was wrong.

Ryan had meant it as a joke...well, sort of. He couldn't deny that deep down he was jealous and frustrated, and this was his way of showing it. Jealous of the wife that seemed to own Hugh's heart, and frustrated...frustrated that things hadn't progressed with Hugh in the way he'd thought possible.
As soon as he'd sent the tweet, his phone pinged: what's that all about, man?? Hugh's text read.

Fuck. Hugh obviously didn't see it as a joke, but hang on a minute there must be a reason why. If Hugh hadn't felt anything for him, he wouldn't have taken it any other way than a light-hearted poke from a mate. But he had obviously touched a nerve. Hugh knows Ryan, after all; he knows Ryan has no filter and makes a joke about pretty much everything.
So Ryan's reply pinged back, simply; You.

Since that exchange, Ryan had thrown himself head first into promo for Deadpool 2. The banter continued between Ryan and Hugh publicly, but they hadn't been in touch in private...and Ryan missed him.  Hugh had appeared on Good Morning America and joked that Ryan should back off; "it's not sexy".

Ryan felt like he'd taken a blow to the stomach as he watched it. He had been going all out to get Hugh's attention since the Twitter incident and their text exchange, trying to soften the mood between them by liking all of Hugh's tweets and talking about him in nearly every promo interview he did; it was no secret that Ryan wanted Hugh to reprise his role as Wolverine so they could face off onscreen together again.
Holy shit, the thought of working so closely with Hugh again did something to Ryan, he felt a twitch in his pants when he thought of it...but it seemed like the prospect was slipping through his fingers, thanks to his stupid need to be what everyone thought he was: The Merc with the Mouth.
But Hugh sees through all that, or at least he did; he sees the vulnerability Ryan has beneath the surface, he sees beyond the chat and cares about who he really is...the thought of losing that made Ryan feel sick to the stomach.

The morning of the coffee shop meeting, Ryan decided he had to do something, he couldn't let any more time pass before seeing Hugh, or speaking to him, or....anything; I just need to be near him.
So he decided to text him that morning;
Hey, HJ (Ryan always called Hugh 'HJ' in private) long time no see...I saw your interview on GMA- ouch!
He hit send and it wasn't long before the reply pinged through:
Hey Double R (Hugh was the only one who called him this and Ryan loved it), it was a joke- you know all about those, right??

That afternoon Ryan went along to Hugh's coffee shop to meet him. Everyone was excited to see the 2 of them together; fans asked for selfies, the press turned up and the 2 of them spent the afternoon posing for photos together, arm in arm. The feeling of of having Hugh's arms around him again was like heaven to Ryan; he felt a shiver pass through him as Hugh's hand moved across his back. They were the same height so every time they turned to face each other they were looking into each other's eyes, an unspoken understanding passing between them; wait until everyone has gone.
Finally the press, fans and staff had all filtered out and Hugh locked the door behind them, Ryan watching him intently. Hugh turned and walked through the coffee shop and into the staff room, calling behind him to Ryan who was following him closely; "That went well... thanks for stopping by man, it's good press for the shop."

His voice, Ryan thought as he followed him through to the back- he hadn't realised just how much he had missed hearing Hugh's voice in person. Hugh turned on his heels to face Ryan and faltered abit when he realised how close Ryan was to him. They stood tantalisingly close, their bodies almost touching;
Carpe Diem.

Ryan leant in and put his lips tentatively on Hugh's. He pulled back ever so slightly before kissing him again, taking Hugh's bottom lip sensually between his, giving it a little tug before pulling away and looking Hugh directly in the eyes. He ran his hand slowly through Hugh's hair-
"Ryan, I'm not sure about-" Jesus Christ!
Ryan had dropped his hand and was pushing it against Hugh's cock through his jeans.  The bulge was growing which gave Ryan the encouragement to kiss him again, this time pushing his tongue into Hugh's mouth. Hugh's mouth opened in response and he stroked his tongue around Ryan's, which made Ryan groan.
"Don't fight it HJ" Ryan pleaded into his mouth.  The hand still resting on Hugh's cock could feel that it was now completely hard, which is just the response he was hoping for.  This feeling did something to Ryan's own cock and he had to put more strength into his weakened legs.

Hugh didn't fight it.

Ryan leant in once more and placed another kiss on Hugh's lips before seizing the moment- carpe diem- he moved both of his hands onto Hugh's belt and began to slowly undo it. All the time his gaze did not leave Hugh's, the 2 men staring intensely into each other's eyes.  Ryan was searching Hugh's face for clues as to what he was thinking- is he going to stop me? It would be Hugh who would dictate what happened next as Ryan knew exactly what he wanted in his own mind....he'd always known.

Ryan started working at the buttons on Hugh's jeans before hooking his fingers into the waist band and tugging them down along with his boxers.  The impressive size of Hugh shocked him for a second- Ryan had never been intimate with a man in this way before and he was nervous he was going to do something wrong. He dropped to his knees, put his mouth to the tip of Hugh's cock and looked up, the expression on his face checking that this was ok. He was waiting for permission.
Hugh looked directly down at him and spoke, his voice a little breathless and deeper than before, "Ok Double R, ok."

That was all the encouragement Ryan needed, he ran his tongue along the shaft before taking the tip in his mouth, swiping his tongue across it and savouring the pre-cum. Hugh's hand moved to the back of Ryan's head, thrusting his hips forward and pushing deeper into his mouth.
Ryan may not have done this before but he was obviously doing something right- earning a deep growl of approval from Hugh. This was like music to Ryan's ears and he went for it, swallowing Hugh's length completely.
"Agh, fuck!" Hughs words were deep and quiet, sounding more like a growl as he fell back onto the sofa behind him, his dick briefly leaving Ryan's mouth as Ryan chased after it with a needy whine. Ryan was a little startled when Hugh regained his grip on his hair, yanking his head back slightly so that he was looking up at him. Hugh leaned forward from his seated position on the sofa and looked directly into his eyes once more, "Get 'em off" he demanded as his eyes flickered down to Ryan's jeans. 
Ryan didn't need telling twice- he scrambled to his feet and fumbled with the button and zip, almost trying to do it too quickly.  He hesitated for the slightest of moments- his Deadpool bravado was long gone now and he was nervous- before tugging his jeans and boxers down. Hugh looked him up and down and Ryan could have sworn he licked his lips. He dropped back down to his knees between Hugh's open legs and Hugh leant forward, gripped the bottom of Ryan's coat and t-shirt and pulled them up over his head in one swift movement. "Better", he nodded in approval, a smile creeping across his lips as he leant further down, wrapped his hand around Ryan's cock and started to stroke back and forth.

Ryan gasped and moaned, louder than he'd meant to. He couldn't quite believe that what he'd imagined in his head was actually happening and it was all he could do to stop himself from coming right there on the spot. As Hugh's thumb swiped so expertly over the tip of his cock, a brief thought flickered through Ryan’s head I wonder if he's done this before. He was filled with irrational jealousy - he hoped he was the first man Hugh had been like this with- he wanted to be special.

All his thoughts were pushed from his mind in an instant, as Hugh guided Ryan's head back down towards his hard shaft, while still gripping Ryan's length in his hand, working it back and forth. Ryan dipped his head to the side and ran his tongue over Hugh's balls before running it up his length and taking it back in his mouth.
His head moved up and down, occasionally pushing the tip into his throat. But fuck it was so hard to keep the strength in his legs with Hugh's hand wrapped around his cock, working it the way he was. He had reached breaking point and buckled, his dick pulsing and spurting in Hugh's hand. "Oh God, Hugh!" he almost screamed. Hugh patted him on the back as he came, as a master would his pet when it did something he approved of.

When he'd regained his composure he looked at Hugh; "your turn" he said with promise in his voice. Hugh relaxed back against the sofa, his head resting back and his arms stretched out either side of him. He opened his legs wider, surrendering to what Ryan wanted to do to him.
Ryan cupped Hugh's balls in his hand and teased them with his fingers as he gripped his cock tightly with his lips. He moved his head up and down urgently; desperately sucking and licking with the occasional soft nip, which roused groans of approval from Hugh. It all became too much and Hugh let out a low guttural growl, from deep within the pit of his stomach. He looked down to Ryan as he came and seeing his cum fill Ryan's mouth completely only made it hotter, and the orgasm more intense. Ryan saw Hugh looking down at him and swallowed, purposely making a noise and licking his lips as he did so.

As Hugh came down from his high, both of them breathless, Ryan manoeuvred himself upwards so that his head was resting on Hugh's chest and he could feel Hugh's wet cock against his stomach. As Hugh's hand rested on the side of his face, stroking it with his thumb, Ryan closed his eyes and inhaled deeply; he felt an all-consuming contentment that he'd never felt before. For the first time he allowed himself to think about what this could actually mean...he knew what it meant to him but he wanted....needed some indication of what Hugh was feeling.

Bolstered by what had just happened between them, Ryan lifted his head, once again looking into those irresistible hazel eyes;
"Next time I need to feel you inside me HJ." The thought of it made his stomach do a somersault.
He couldn't risk going back to being just friends, he didn't know how.... "I need this to be how we are together from now and you, like this."

Hugh met his gaze and gave a little smirk, lifting one eyebrow- as much as he wanted to give himself over to Ryan completely, he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep; life was complicated enough. He leant forward and softly pressed his lips to Ryan's- "Ok Double R, lets give it a go- from now on."

Ryan moved his head back down to rest on Hugh's chest- that was good enough for him, for now- he wasn't going to push him too much, not yet.

He's here....he's here with me...