A month, that’s how long he had been free. February was one day from over and Loki still found himself wrapped in nightmares. Hela had reluctantly gone home, with the promise that if anything happened she would be on the first plane back to the States. His wounds had healed, no longer needing the brace for his ribs but breathing hurt when it got really cold.
“Stare any harder mon ami sometin’ gonna blow up.” A thick bud oddly charming voice hummed making the obsidian haired man jump and his head whip to the side. He caught sight of a man smiling at him, warm whiskey-colored eyes regarded him happily as the man pushed the door open. “Well...ya comin?”
In a flash, he was back into reality. A warmly decorated office with a plush couch, two incredibly comfortable looking high back chairs, and a low mahogany coffee table. On the couch was a young man, probably not much older than Peter, with pale skin and honey colored eyes that held a look Loki knew all too well. Stunning paintings of Hindi influences dotted the office in dazzling warm colors and statues depicting the Buddha and a few other deities made Loki feel relaxed, despite the anxiety that clawed at his stomach. He had put it off as much as possible, therapy that is. He didn’t use it after he wrapped his car around a pole or when he found out just what Gast had done to him the first time. But Wanda, sweet, soft-spoken Wanda, had told him about the small group therapy sessions at the shelter. Small was an understatement however, it was himself and he guessed the two men in the room with him now the taller one sitting down with the younger man and chatting with him. Wanda had assured him that Dr. Grey was wonderful and the men were nice, but Loki was mortified at having to discuss his trauma with total strangers. Bad enough that Thor’s eyes looked at him, pain and sorrow warring for dominance, in those blue eyes he loved so much. He knew his Dom blamed himself and Loki hated that he still woke from terrible dreams-
Emerald eyes blinked rapidly as he met rich hazel colored ones. “Huh?” He cringed at his less than intelligent answer, but the woman smiled.
“I’m Dr. Grey, though you can call me Jean if you want. Will you come and sit?” She motioned with her elbow, and for the first time, he saw that her hands were filled with a lovely silver tray that held a beautiful red and gold Victorian tea set. Sweet jasmine filled the room as he slowly walked over to a chair and sank down, the soft cushions cradling him comfortably and he felt the pressure off of his ribs. Jean set the tray down and took the other chair motioning for everyone to take a cup. “Now, Remy and Kurt have been here with me doing one on one sessions for the last few months. When I was told you would join us, and after reviewing your file I honestly think that the three of you have a lot in common with your trauma as well as in your personal experiences within the Lifestyle.”
Loki’s head snapped up and he saw the two men nodding their heads. “I beg your pardon?”
Jean nodded her head, a smile curling her lips as her eyes danced. “I believe you know what I mean. I married my collared sub Scott about fifteen years ago now,” she mused happily reaching out for the teapot to slowly pour the sweet-smelling tea into the cups. “The four of us are all in the Lifestyle. Go on and introduce yourself.”
“Remy LeBeau, pleasah ta meet ya mon ami . Me an ma’Daddy Logan been in da Lifestyle fo’ 17 yea’s togetha. Daddy’s been doin dis lot longer den me, old mans got a good twenty years on me.” The taller of the two men nodded, blowing a strand of his auburn colored hair from his face.
“My name ist Kurt Vagner,” The younger man said softly, his knees drawn up for his chin to rest on. Loki heard the liting German in his voice though his English was very good. “Haven’t been part of ze Lifestyle long.” He sighed shaking his head, “my start vas not very... gut .”
Loki felt his heart tug and he numbly accepted the cup of tea that was held up to him. “I’m...Loki….Loki Laufeyson,” he began softly his eyes trained on the swirling liquid in his cup. “Ten years in the Lifestyle and my start wasn’t great either. My...my pa-” Loki sighed and licked his lips.
“You can speak freely in here Loki,” Jean said softly. “No one will judge you here.” Her voice was calm and soothing, just like Thor’s always was when Loki had a hard time talking.
“Thor...my Daddy…” Loki whispered the first time the word had left his lips that wasn't due to distress. He felt his cheeks flush and a rush of anger at himself that it took talking to total strangers to say the word properly. “We’ve been together...probably six months before...before I was...taken.”
Kurt and Remy exchanged a look, their lips pulled into a frown but they nodded in understanding. They both knew what had happened, the month following his release the press had caught wind of the story and several different versions had been told. “The point of this session is for us to become comfortable with each other.” Jean said smoothly, “I want us to all be able to talk freely and comfortably about what's happened. Remy has been with me in sessions the longest, would you mind sharing your story with Loki?”
Remy nodded his head and took a breath, setting his teacup down and folding his fingers in front of his mouth as he closed his eyes. “Oui, sure ting Doc,” the auburn-haired man nodded. “Ten years ‘go ma Daddy got told dat his unit for da reserves were needed ova’ seas. We was livin down in da bayou, his brotha jus got outta jail. Damned dumbass got caught up in some bar fight, Logan said he could stay wit us fo a bit.” Remy’s eyes closed as his eyes and took a deep breath. Loki felt a twist in his stomach as his eyes were trained on Remy, not able to leave the mans face. “Victor liked ta drink, didn’ do much but dat. Logan was gettin ready ta kick him out when da orders came, he didn’ wanna leave me der ‘lone but he had ta. I told him I could take carea myself and I could. Grew up on da streets in Naw’Lens an bein da fabulous fucka ya see here ain’t well received outside Mardi Gras.”
“Remy,” Jean sighed pinching the bridge of her nose.
“Its da truth Doc, aint no poin’ in suga’ coatin’ it.” Remy snorted, opening his eyes and meeting Loki’s. “Daddy left, we talked da whole time he was gone but...ain’t da same. I worked ova’ nigh’ at dis great lil’ bar on Bourbon. Best tips, an when I got ‘ome Daddy an me would be talkin just ‘fore he went ta bed ova’ der. Da one time we didn’ talk...Victor caught me. Was gettin ready fo’ bed den da door ta my bedroom slammed open. Victor was drunk...no shock der. Took me by da hair like some kinda...caveman. Trew me on da bed, tore Logan’s shirt dat I liked ta wear ta bed, slapped me ‘round, den he decided dat I was gonna be da fleshlight for ‘im.” Remy’s fingers touched the slight break in his nose and Loki winced in sympathy. “Said dat it ain’t fair dat Logan got da better half of life when dey bot’ had da shitty upbrining of der daddy bein some career criminal dat fled Canada ta come down here. Logan joined da military soon as he could, kept ‘imself on da straight an narrow. Victor aint like dat, aint done nobody any bita good till dey stuck dat needle in ‘is arm at da State penitentiary.”
“He got the death penalty?” Loki asked softly.
“Mhm, dey found ‘im guilty on all counts of rape, sodomy, assault, and attempted murder.”
“How long did it go on?”
Remy’s smile turned sad and Loki saw the tears in his eyes. “Seven months...da first time it happen I was so ‘shamed. Put on da biggest fake smile I knew ‘ow, and ‘tended dat everytin was fine. Daddy knew though...Daddy always seems ta know when dis cajun aint tellin da truth. Da last time...dat last time Victor was really goin’ at it. Dis time...dis time he was tryin ta kill me.” Remy’s fingers came up and slowly peeled down the high neck of his sweater and Loki winced as he saw the pearl white scar across the left side of his throat. “Said he was gonna make Logan regret ever tryin ta be better den him. I felt da metal in my throat as he fucked inta me, tearin me apart and all I wanted was ma Daddy. Den in a flash he was gone...Daddy didn’ tell me dat he was gonna be comin home. Neva even heard him come in da house, he beat da shit outta Victor den ran me ta da hospital.”
Loki’s thumb brushed along the gold rim of the cup as he stared into his tea. His soul ached at the pain the other man described, wondering what would have happened if Thor had been the one to find him instead of Bucky and Steve and he quickly shook the thought away. “He saved you,” he said softly.
“ Oui , dats what da big lug is der fo’ ta save me when I need it da most.” Remy laughed scrubbing a hand over his face.
“How can you look him in the eye after all of this?”
“It ain’t easy, ders good days an’ bad ones. Da bad ones...dey are da ones dat really test da bonds. We tried ta stay down in Naw’Lens but da memories...dey was to much. Nearly tore us ‘part. I refused t’erapy fo da longest time. Daddy finally had ta use dat Dom voice dem Daddys get wen we aint listen...ya know da one right?”
Loki felt a smile pull at his lips, “yeah...yeah I know the one.”
Jean chuckled softly, “thank you Rem. Getting better at telling the story without breaking down.”
Remy shrugged his shoulders, “it ain’t easy ta talk ‘bout...but it’s gettin der.”
She nodded as she looked at Kurt, “think you can share yours today?”
Kurt chewed on his lip, sharp teeth digging into his bottom lip before he sighed. “I...I can try.”
Her face was soft as she looked at him, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to today.”
“I need to ja ?” Kurt’s hands shook and he clasped them between his knees as he took a deep breath. “Ven I vas das kleines Kind my... Vater ...took me from my Mutter . He vas always saying she did not want me…”
Loki felt his heart ache as he watched Remy run his hand along Kurt’s back. The shock clear on the Cajun’s face making Loki suspect he’d never heard this.
“It’s alright Kurt,” Jean’s voice was soft, almost like a lullaby.
The young man took in another breath, letting it out on a shaky exhale. “I vas...perhaps eleven, time vas...strange for me there.”
“Where?” Loki asked softly.
“I vas kept...underground. Sold...passed around...der vere a lot of men...some vomen too. Mine Vater ...sold me to those….those people. Silk robes...silly masks...every night someone new.” His fingers curled into his arms and Loki swallowed hard as his story hit close to home in a very different way.
Kurt’s pain filled amber eyes locked with deep green. “Ten years. Vhen I vas not being...whored out I vas locked away, kept for da rent.”
“Ten years?” Loki echoed, sitting back in his seat feeling the echoing numbness in his chest.
“ Ja. ”
“Kurt survived, just like Remy did.” Jean nodded as she spoke softly, pouring more tea. “Just as you did Loki. Will you share your story too?”
The raven-haired man licked his lips as he took up his teacup again, taking a slow sip as he tried to calm his thoughts. “I am here to share my trauma aren’t I?”
“You are, but only when the time feels right to you. Remy and Kurt have shared their story before. You have only told the police.”
“There’s a difference?” He arched an eyebrow and watched her nod.
“Of course there is, they had to know right after the fact. When emotions are dead and all you have is numb facts. In here there is only emotion, you will cry you will feel rage and all of that is normal.”
The vet sighed as he set his teacup down and folded his hands in his lap. “Given that you have my file Dr. Grey and that Remy and Kurt both reacted when I had said I had been taken. I was taken by Dr. Tanleer Tivan and his brother En Dwi Gast our illustrious Mayor’s Aide. Several years ago I was in a relationship with Gast, he introduced me to the world of BDSM. He was charming, he was funny, most of all he was sweet. He quickly became my whole world, I think that was my first problem. I soon began to lose track of time, I would miss classes and my friend Artemis was worried. She found me, blacked out in my bed the day of an important test for our degrees, I was missing labs, skipping plans, there were marks I couldn’t explain. That was when I saw my doctor for the first time for something more than a flu shot. They found drugs in my system, roofies mostly but there were a few others. My memory is so shotty from that time I’m not sure what is real and what isn't.” He paused to take a breath, feeling rather than seeing several sets of eyes on him but even with that he felt oddly safe. A feeling he had only when he was home with Thor’s arms around him. “We went to confront him...I….he came home with his assistant wrapped around his waist like a new belt. I ran, I left with Artemis screaming after me and jumped into my car. Wrapped it around a pole and threw myself into a coma.”
“I ‘member ‘earing bout dat.” Remy said quietly.
“Yes, that was me. According to my doctors, I was lucky to survive. And I did survive, I had my degree, I had my practice with Artemis, and I thought I was alright. A few years after that I met Thor,” Loki’s lips curled into a shy smile. “Artie...she bought me a date with him…” He paused as he realized how much he had said but not of what happened to him. “I’m sorry, I’m talking too much about what happened before-”
“No,” Jean broke in, “you are telling us what you wish. Kurt’s story was short but that is what he is comfortable with telling, Remy’s had more detail but he has had years and closure to deal with his.”
“ Oui , you can talk all ya want mon ami . Dats what dis is fo’.”
“ Ja,” Kurt said softly.
Loki nodded and took another breath, “Thor and I began dating after we met that night, though we had a lot of help from our friends Artie and Sif. We had our first holiday together and my sister was here to visit, I was finally happy. A good Dom, a growing group of friends, support, love, happiness...he proposed on my birthday. Down on one knee, in front of the entire elite of Ogden City and all of our friends. No shame. Then…” Loki swallowed hard as the tears burned in his eyes. “I was taken, drugged by Tivan and torn from my happiness.” His hand rubbed at his left wrist where the shackle had cut into his flesh and he felt the phantom aches. “I was brutalized, forced and used, drugged again. I was...was forced into a wedding dress….made to sign a marriage license.”
“Dats...dats fucked.” Remy hissed, his arms resting on his knees as he chewed on his lip. “‘Ow did dey find ya?”
“That was the million dollar question. Wanda...she worked at the Clerk's Office at the courthouse. Tivan never knew her but she knew him. She also saw him with my engagement ring. She went to the police and they found me.” Loki closed his eyes swallowing hard, “I was able to get away before they arrived, but...but I hurt myself. The shackles they had me bound with cut hard into my ankles and wrist and I was delirious from dehydration and lack of food...I remember acting on instinct, I was terrified and just wanted to be free again...to be with Thor again. They say I killed Tivan, I don’t….I don’t remember it.” He folded in on himself as the sob bubbled its way from his throat and he gasped feeling a slender hand on his back. He looked up to see Jean kneeling down by his chair, her hazel eyes warm and filled with understanding.
“Take a breath Loki,” she said softly. “Hold nothing in when in my office, you are safe here and nothing will hurt you. No one will judge you.” She held out a tissue box to him and he took one wiping at his face. “This is going to help, these sessions among people who understand you will help in time.”
He nodded as he took in a breath and let it out slowly, proud that it did not waver. “Thank you…”
Jean nodded as she stood up, “I think that is enough for today. I want for us to get together twice a week as a group and twice a week one on one.” She pulled out a small red book with a golden phoenix emblem on the front. “Group sessions will be Tuesday and Thursdays. Remy, I want to see you on Monday and Wednesday morning, Kurt I will see you on Wednesday afternoon and Friday morning, and Loki-”
“Friday afternoon and Sunday morning?”
She chuckled and nodded, “yes. Now, I want us all to exchange numbers and we can all be reached at any time yes?”
The three men nodded as everyone stood up, slipping on jackets and exchanging numbers. Kurt hung back to speak with Jean as Remy and Loki walked out to the front of the shelter. Remy hummed as he tapped out a cigarette and lit it as Loki slid on his sunglasses. “Ya can call me any time ya need someone Lo,” Remy hummed. “Us baby boys gotta stick tagedda non ?”
Loki blew into his hands as he scanned the street, Thor had said that he would pick him up after he was done so that they could go and grab an early dinner. “Thank you, Remy, the same does go for you…”
“Loki!” Thor’s cheerful voice made his stomach flip and a burst of warmth bloom in his chest as the raven-haired man turned and smiled.
“My Daddy is here, but I’ll see you later alright Remy?” Loki asked softly.
“ Oui, ya should come to da resturant dat I own. Getcha some down ‘ome Southern food on dem bones a yas.” Remy laughed, giving Loki’s stomach a pat before he waved and walked off down the street. “Da place is called Rag’n Cajun! Ask fo Remy and dey’ll get ya settled!”
“Who was that?” Thor asked, his arm wrapping around Loki’s waist as he nuzzled his temple.
Loki smiled softly as he looked up at Thor from behind his glasses. “A new friend,” he hummed softly. “How do you feel about Cajun food?”
Loki slid his hand into Thor’s as the blonde came around the car, “Stephen and Peter meeting us for dinner?”
Thor nodded, leaning over to press a kiss to Loki’s temple. “He said that Peter had homework to finish first but they would meet us. They’ve never been here and asked us to grab a table while we wait for them.” His blue eyes lifted to the flashing magenta sign. The front looked rundown, crazy looking windows done in stained glass and Thor’s brow furrowed, “you sure about this place?”
Loki shrugged, “Remy seems like a good guy. At least his accent is legitimate.” The raven-haired man smiled as he pushed open the door. Inside the lowlights of the restaurant bounced off the exposed brick walls making it warm and inviting. Low soft rock floated around the small dining room where wrought iron tables with matching chairs were scattered around the dark flooring; each piece held its own unique design and Thor ran his hand over the chair closest to him, clearly admiring the work.
“Check this out baby, this work is stunning.”
Loki arched an eyebrow, his lip twitching. “I’ll have to take your word for it,” he laughed as they walked through the tables finding one near the back that was open and sitting down.
“You’d think being so close with Wanda you’d have an eye for quality work.” Thor laughed softly, reaching out to take Loki’s hand, his thumb brushing along the bumps of his knuckles.
“In painting and sculpture love,” he chuckled, the scent of something amazing coming from the kitchens followed by a loud yelp.
“ Mon amour! Ya can’ jus’ put dat on de catfish! It ain’t-”
“Would you quit yapping and just let me cook. Goddamn you’re worse than rooming with Xavier before he started banging Lesher.” The door to the kitchens shoved open with a snap and Loki saw Remy being shoved out by a slightly shorter, burly older man with liberal streaks of silver in his dark hair and a full beard. He wore a white tank top that showed off beefy arms and a pair of dark wash jeans. “Just get on outta here, let me cook. Don’t be jealous that our customers like my catfish more.” He smirked, the heat of his words taken out by the soft kiss he brushed to Remy’s jaw before disappearing.
“Remy!” Loki called over, smiling as the auburn-haired man whipped around, a bright grin crossing his face as he all but skipped over.
“Lo’ good ta see ya, glad ya came.” His amber colored eyes drifted over to Thor and he bent down, “dis ya Daddy?”
Loki blushed but nodded, a small smile on his lips. “Remy this is Thor Odinson, Thor this is Remy Lebeau.”
Thor smiled as he held out his hand, “pleasure to meet you. Loki says you’re part of the group he’s in therapy with.”
“ Oui , one moment.” Remy leaned back away from the table and glared at the door. “Daddy!”
“Son of a bitch...WHAT?!” A growling voice hollered back.
Remy smirked at the two wide-eyed men before him, “get dat ancient sexy ass outta da kitchen. Got someone fo’ ya ta meet!”
The door snapped open again with a growl and the same man stalked out, his hands wringing a towel between them. “I am trying to cook Cajun, what do you want?”
Remy smpily batted his eyes at the man, “dat cute baby boy I was tellin ya bout from da group t’erapy is here wit his own Daddy. Figa’d ya gotta meet dem. T’or, Lo, dis here is ma Daddy James Logan Howlett. Daddy dis is T’or and Loki.”
“Logan, no one calls me James,” the older man grunted shaking hands with both of them, his warm brown eyes taking them in. “Welcome to Rag’n Cajun, first time in?”
“It is,” Loki agreed with a nod, “we’d never heard of it until Remy told me to come.”
“Not surprising, we’ve only had the storefront since November. Turned the online business into a real one. It also helps that me and a few guys gutted and cleaned this place up. Made the tables and chairs myself.”
“You do metal work?” Thor’s brows shot up as he looked the other man up and down.
“Was a welder down in New Orleans,” he smirked as Remy physically cringed at the deliberate pronunciation.
“It’s Naw’Lens!” Remy hissed.
“Except it’s not,” Logan laughed, drawing a pouting Remy into a kiss.
Thor laughed, “nothing’s better than teasing them is there?”
“Thor-” Loki groaned.
The blonde grinned as he squeezed Loki’s hand, “so you weld and cook?”
“Mostly weld,” Logan shrugged, “covering for our normal weeknight cook. Anna Marie had some sort of concert to head to in SLC so it’s just us covering tonight.” He shook his head and pressed a kiss to Remy’s jaw. “I should get back before the dinner rush comes in.”
“Before you go Logan, come by my office sometime,” Thor smiled as he held out a card and the shorter man arched an eyebrow as he took it.
“Sure, enjoy your food.” He nodded as he smacked Remy on the ass and walked back into the kitchen.
Remy laughed softly as he pulled a pad of paper out of his back pocket, “what can we get ya’ll? Dis is gonna be on da house, anyt’in ya wantin.”
“Oh Remy you don’t-”
“Don’ wanna hear it. Dis is gonna be da foundatin’ of da new friendship. Food be da heart o’everytin.”
“We’re waiting on two other people,” Thor smiled. “Maybe next time?”
Remy clicked his tongue as he tapped his pen to the pad of paper. “ Oui , dats fine. Bu’ I don’ wanna hear no bitchin’ when ya’ll come by next time. I’ll come back when ya’s party is ‘ere.” He moved to another table, instantly striking up a conversation.
“You’re going to offer Logan a job aren’t you?” Loki asked the minute they were alone.
Thor shrugged, “good welding is hard to find in Utah. Volstagg is taking a leave of absence to go back to Norway and we have a spot open. If he does good work I’ll hire him on full time and he can stay on when Volstagg gets back.”
Loki rolled his eyes as his ears perked up at the door opening. “Loki, Thor!” Peter called weaving his way through the tables and wrapping Loki in a tight hug.
“There you two are,” Loki laughed, his hand resting lightly on Peter’s back, the boy more affectionate since Loki had been released from the hospital.
“We ended up picking up a stray or two…” Stephen shook his head slipping into the chair next to Thor.
“What do you-”
“Loki!” The brunette yelped as he was tackled into the wall by a blur of red hair and a chorus of his name.
“Artie?” He pushed the woman back, smiling as he held her tight. “I missed you,” he whispered into her hair.
“I missed you too, I’m sorry I was gone for so long.” She pulled back, cupping his face in her hands.
“What about the rest of us Lo-Lo?”
Loki’s smile widened as he looked past her to see Po smiling, though his face was a bit more gaunt and the bags under his eyes were severe, he was still smiling. “Po...how are you?”
“Don’t worry about me Lo-Lo...Artie took good care of me.” He gave his twin a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder.
Loki smiled as he stood up to embrace the other man laughing as he looked over his shoulder to see Sif, Nebula, Gamora, Quill, Wanda, and Victor and he turned back to look at Thor. “You planned this didn’t you?”
The blonde shrugged but smiled, “you always say no to a party but can’t say no to seeing your friends in a public place.”
“C’mon let’s push some tables together!” Artemis and Sif began dragging tables around. Once they were all settled Loki found himself sitting between Nebula and Artemis; their hands resting on some portion of his body and he was oddly comforted by the touch. “How are you Lo?” Artemis asked softly.
“I’m...I’m doing alright. I had my first session with Dr. Grey today and the two other men in my group are...colorful.”
“You’re in a group with Remy LeBeau and Kurt Wagner right?” Wanda asked softly from across the table. “Remy catered the first Survivor’s Dinner. The whole common area smelled like gumbo and cornbread for a week.”
“Ya’ll shoulda told dis Cajun ya was havin’ a party.” Remy clicked his tongue as he stepped up to the table. “Woulda made sure ta keep yall comfortable. How is ya Miss Wanda? Ain’t seen ya since dat dinna.”
“Good to see you too Remy,” Wanda smiled, her hand wrapped around Victors. “It was kind of a surprise.”
“Ah, lemme get ya’ll some cornbread fo da table. Special t’night be ma Daddy’s spiced catfish. We got da house Gumbo too.”
“Logan’s cooking tonight? I know what I’m having.” Victor laughed as he slid the menu away, his arm wrapping around Wanda’s shoulders. The group laughed as they all gave their orders before Remy spun around, shouting his way into the kitchen.
Loki smiled as everyone settled into easy conversation, only catching snippets of it himself and grateful that no one was bringing up his kidnapping. He felt Nebula’s fingers squeeze on his wrist and looked up to meet her dark eyes. “What’s up La-La?”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it...but father released a press statement.”
Loki felt his heart stall in his chest and he pressed the palm of his hand to his chest. “W-what did he say?” He asked softly, jolting when he felt something brush against his ankle and he looked up to see Thor watching him, a concerned look on his face.
“He claims that he had no idea what that asshole was doing. He was shocked that you were taken from your own party and is demanding that the DA get to the bottom of this and see justice done.”
“So basically using you to pave his way to reelection.” Gamora grunted from behind a water glass as she shook her head.
Loki smiled weakly, “at least he wasn’t involved somehow. That would almost be a bad movie plot.”
Quill choked on his water, gasping harshly as Gamora smacked him on his back. “That would make a terrible movie.”
“Almost as terrible as your music choices,” Nebula snarked smirking as Quill glared at her and the table laughed.
Conversation flowed again as the food came out, everyone moaning at the full flavors of their food. Wanda pulled out pictures of her latest installment for a museum in Chicago and Loki felt a bit of normallicy slip back into his life. He felt cool fingers against his wrist and looked to see Artemis looking at the faded line of where the shackles had dug into his skin and he covered her hand with his looking past her to where her twin sat. “I’m alright,” he said softly, squeezing her hand.
“We’re just...so glad to have you back Lo-Lo.” Po said softly, reaching around his sister to squeeze his arm.
Loki’s hand moved to Po’s and he gave him the same squeeze he gave to Artemis. “It’s alright Po, I’m glad you’re OK now too. When Artie told me what happened I was worried for you.”
“My sponsor says that slip-ups happen but how we handle them is how we stay on the road to recovery. It helps that Artemis pimp-slapped my ass into next week to remind me why staying clean is important.”
“You didn’t actually slap him did you?” Loki gaped at a very unapologetic Artemis who simply shrugged.
“Sometimes the only way through a thick head is with a heavy slap.” She grinned as the table burst into laughter and Loki felt his chest tighten up with affection as he looked around the table at each of his friends. He soon got sucked into a conversation with the girls, discussing the next dress fitting for Wanda.
Thor watched quietly until he felt a nudge at his side. He grunted and looked over to see Stephen watching him, “hm?”
“How are you holding up Thor?” The doctor asked quietly.
“Does it matter?”
Stephen arched an eyebrow, casting a glance to where Peter and Loki were talking with the girls while Quill looked extremely uncomfortable wedged between his girlfriend and the gaggle of her friends. “You should know the answer to that question. Did you go see Dr. Munroe as I suggested?”
“I don’t need a therapist Stephen,” Thor growled softly grunting as dagger-like fingers poked between his ribs. “Ow!”
“I don’t say that to be an asshole Odinson,” Stephen growled back, his lips pulled into a tight frown. “You can’t honestly tell me that you are perfectly fine. Not after what you went through.”
“Loki went through more than I did-”
“It’s not a contest Thor.” Stephen pulled out his phone, tapping away and nodding. “You have an appointment next Thursday during your lunch break.”
“Holy hell, looks like we’re missing a party.” Bucky laughed as he stepped up to the table with Steve beside him.
Thor’s head snapped up and he forced a smile, feeling a headache coming on in his annoyance at his old Trainer. “Hey guys, I thought you were at the station till late tonight.”
“We tried to stop by your place but you weren’t there. We were on our way back to the station when we saw your truck.” Steve explained a frown on his face that instantly set Thor on edge.
“Can we talk to you and Loki? Alone?”
“Yeah, sure. Hey Lo?” Thor stood up, motioning for Loki to follow him. A few muted excuses later the four men were outside of the restaurant. The blonde drew out his vape, taking a hard hit off of it and blowing the smoke out slowly as he watched the two cops shuffle. “What’s going on? Is it something about the case?”
Loki felt ice drip along his spine as his whole body ached with the phantom pains. “What happened?” He asked quietly.
“We have the arraignment date. We figured you would want to know.” Bucky said softly, “rumors around the precinct has it that Gast hired Malekith as his lawyer.”
Loki’s stomach rolled and he felt his dinner in the back of his throat as he trembled. “I know that name…”
“Babe?” Thor asked softly.
“He was one of Tivan’s guests when they had their parties.” Loki swallowed hard, feeling Thor’s arm wrap tightly around him. “So I’ll be facing yet another portion of my past.”
“We will be facing it Loki,” Thor rumbled softly, his lips brushing against his temple. He turned back to their friends, his mouth set in a grim line. “When is the arraignment?”
“Two weeks from now, DA Fury wants to meet you before then Loki. He’s got all of T’Challa’s notes and everything but he wants to sit down with you.” Steve pulled out a card and handed it to Loki. “He says he’s free this Wednesday, just call him and he’ll get you in.”
The raven-haired man took the card numbly as his heart thundered in his chest. He heard Thor speaking to them quietly and saw them walk off before Thor snapped his fingers in front of Loki’s eyes snapping the man out of his trance. “What?”
“Are you alright babe?”
“No,” Loki sighed rubbing his temples. “Can we go home?”
“Yeah, let me tell everyone and then we can go home.” He pressed the keys to his truck into Loki’s hands and with a quick kiss disappeared into the restaurant again. Loki sighed as he walked with unsteady steps to the truck. He climbed in, putting the keys into the ignition and curling up in his seat. Moments later the door opened and Thor slid in, holding out one arm for Loki to curl up into his side. “We’re going to get through this Lo, together.”
“Together,” Loki echoed softly, his head pillowed on Thor’s shoulder; wondering if they were going to come out of this trial whole.
The weekend and the week slid by slowly; Loki had three sessions with his group under his belt, and Thor was slowly dreading his meeting with this Dr. Munroe. He sat in his makeshift office on the new project site early Wednesday morning, the day of their meeting with DA Fury; Loki had been in good spirits when they had woken up, even getting up before Thor to cook breakfast. What used to be an uncommon, but pleasant, thing was now an unsettling new routine. Thor knew it was because of Loki’s nightmares. They’d both been woken up over the last few weeks because of them, needing to know one was home and one needing to know he was safe.
“Knock, knock,” Tony called as he walked in making Thor lift his head.
“Usually people actually knock.”
“I said knock-knock,” the smaller man shrugged, throwing himself into a chair.
“Can’t I just come and say hi?” Tony pouted, folding his arms.
“You either want something or something is on your mind,” Thor smiled as he watched him. He noticed the joke falling flat as Tony’s hand covered his face; tension bleeding from every inch of the man. “Shit...what happened? Is Pepper ok?”
“Yeah...yeah Pep’s great. Better than great actually,” he paused, the silence between them became borderline awkward before he sighed and continued, “She’s pregnant.”
Stormy blue eyes went wide and a slow grin spread across his face as he jumped up and ran around the desk to embrace the smaller man. “That’s wonderful news!”
“You’re not happy?” He asked stepping back and leaning against his desk.
“No, I am...but I’m terrified. You met my father,” Tony tried to laugh, but Thor could see the distress on his friend’s face.
“Tony...you’re not your father. Unlike him, you actually enjoy taking time off of work.”
“There’s no buts Man of Iron. You will be a much better father. Weren’t you the one making sure that Peter was turning in his projects? Getting his paperwork for the internship to the right place? I’m pretty sure I even saw you teach him how to securely manage his finances.”
“But Peter’s grown, I don’t even know how to hold a baby.”
Thor laughed, shaking his head as he gave his distressed friend a pat on the shoulder. “They have classes for that now.”
“But what if-”
“Tony, stop. You’re going to make an excellent father. If you need help you know Loki and I are here for you and so are Steve and Bucky.”
“Ah...that’s the other thing. I wanted...well...you’ve been my friend for a really long time Thor. Longer than everyone else...well besides Pep.” Tony tugged at his tie and shifted, his dark eyes darting around the room and never settling on Thor. “I um...need to ask you something.”
“I’ll be the kid’s godfather,” Thor laughed clapping Tony on the shoulder as the other man deflated.
Tony offered him a weak smile, “thank you, Thor. You’re the brother I never had.”
“And your the brother I never wanted,” Thor laughed as he drew the man into a backslapping hug.
Tony wiggled himself out of Thor’s arms and cleared his throat running a hand over his eyes to subtly wipe away the tears that had gathered at the exchange. “So...why are you still here? Don’t you have a meeting with the DA today?”
“Yeah,” the blonde sighed raking his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. “I...I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“You’re worried about Loki,” Tony said softly.
“Well, what would you do if it were Pepper in Loki’s place?”
“Gast wouldn’t be breathing.”
“Exactly, I want nothing more than to try to talk Steve and Bucky into giving me ten minutes alone with him to make sure he can never hurt Loki again. This trial...it’s a bad idea. I was on board with Hela to take Loki out of the fucking country to heal but he...he wants to do this.”
“You have to let him do it, Thor.”
“I have to ask...are you seeing someone? A therapist?”
“Are you?” Thor shot back, no real heat in his words but his eyes were sharp.
“Touche, but I’m not the one whose fiance was kidnapped, brutally raped, and scarred for life.”
Thor flinched as that struck close to home, but he couldn’t blame his friend. “Stephen set up a meeting for me tomorrow...Dr. Munroe.”
“Hopefully they help.”
Thor shrugged and sighed as he looked at his watch, “I need to get across town. You got the site?”
“Yeah, tell Loki that Peps wants to have you both over for dinner this weekend.”
The blonde nodded as he embraced his friend once more before walking out to his truck. The soft strum of a guitar filled the cabin and Thor’s finger hovered over the volume before falling back and he began his drive. He hummed along to the song, his mind drifting to his lover; they hadn’t really talked about what had happened to Loki. Thor didn’t want to push but they also had not gone past a few kisses and clinging to each other in bed. The bigger man didn’t want to push the vet, but the absence of intimacy was a constant ache to the Dom. He missed their connection, their closeness and craved it but refused to push Loki into any kind of sexual activity. The brunette’s last doctor visit had given them the information they both had wanted to know; Loki’s wounds healed perfectly and Dr. Minerva had cleared them for what she described as ‘bedroom games’ leaving both men blushing. Thor wanted to reclaim what he had lost, what Gast had taken from them, but he had no idea how. With a sigh, he parked his truck smiling a bit as he saw Loki’s flashy new Maserati glittering in the midday sun. He walked over, tapping on the window and startling the man within who fumbled with his phone and cursed fluently in Italian. “Sorry baby boy,” Thor laughed as he reached down to open the door for him.
Loki slowly climbed out, tucking his phone away, and reaching up to press a kiss to Thor’s lips. “I thought you were going to be here early.”
“I was, Tony stopped by.”
The blonde nodded as he took his lover's hand, lacing their fingers together through the thick gloves he had on (though Loki’s hands were bare as always). “Tony just found out he is going to be a dad.”
“Did he pass out?” Loki laughed softly, his heart hammering in his chest as they walked up the steps to the courthouse.
“Almost, he asked me to be the baby’s godfather.”
Loki stopped walking, his fingers tightening and causing Thor to stop walking. “He did?”
“Yep, I was a little shocked.”
“You shouldn’t be...kids love you and you’ve been friends with Tony the longest.” Loki smiled softly, “we’re going to spoil that child rotten.”
Thor’s laughter boomed in the walkway of the courthouse, “until we have our own.” He grinned turning back to lead the way inside, missing the pained look on Loki’s face. They made it through security, taking the elevator up to the DA’s floor, Thor laced his fingers through Loki’s and offered him a small smile. “It’s going to be alright Lo,” He said softly pausing outside the door and reaching up to cup Loki’s cheek gently.
Loki’s free hand laid over Thor’s his eyes closing a bit as he simply took in the touch; the pain and the weight of what was to come showing on his face. “I’m just nervous...I honestly feel like I’m going to vomit.”
“Bathrooms down to the left,” a gruff voice snarked making both men jump apart and turn to see an older man in a leather trench coat and an eyepatch over his left eye. “Though you two are my afternoon appointment so you best get your asses in here while I eat.”
Loki’s brow furrowed, “District Attorney Fury?”
“Pretty sure that’s what it says on the fucking door,” he turned and walked back into the office. “Well get your asses in here, I won’t say it again.” Stormy blue met confused emerald and the two slowly followed the man into the office. The man sat behind the large stainless steel desk, the wall behind him filled with books from floor to ceiling and Loki itched to examine the titles. A few plants dotted the room to give it color and the DA shrugged out of his coat before leaning his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his steepled fingers. “Glad you two could meet with me, though I was more so expecting just Mr. Laufeyson.” He motioned for them to sit down as he pulled over a folder.
Thor bristled at that as they sat, “I’m here to support my fiance-”
“Cut the shit,” Fury grunted shaking his head, “not complaining. Mr. Laufeyson says you can be here you can be here other than that keep that macho bullshit outside my door.”
“Thor please…” Loki said softly, his hands folded in his lap.
The Dom bit his lip and sighed as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. “Sorry babe,” he muttered.
“That shit right there can’t happen in court,” Fury shook his head. “I get you wanna protect him but shit’s already hitting the fan with this being brought up and in the papers as ‘the dangers of bondage deviants’.”
“Deviants?” Loki’s head snapped up his eyes going wide, “I thought my private life wasn’t going to be brought up.”
“Seemed like Gast liked to talk. One of the gag rags around town decided to go to him for an interview and he was more than happy to tell them about the little parties you would host with him.”
“Host with him? I was drugged! My medical papers will prove it.”
“I know that,” Fury rolled his eyes. “I have your reports from when Dr. Richardson, the reports from Dr. McCoy, and Dr. Grey will be giving an expert opinion as well.”
“All three of my doctors?” Loki frowned, twisting his fingers together.
“They have the best look into your psyche. We are also going to be bringing in an expert therapist as well. Her name is Dr. Raven Darkholme and she’s a sex therapist who has been published in her parallels of how proper BDSM relationships can create a healthy sex life and trust in your partner.”
“So you want to bring BDSM into the trial when the press is already trying to smear Loki?” Thor growled.
“It’s part of his life, one he shouldn’t be ashamed of. If he shows that he was happy with his life before Gast fucked it up, then we can show that he didn’t want this.”
“Of course I didn’t want this!” Loki yelped, looking panicked.
“I’m not saying you did. But there is something you should know.” Fury’s brow furrowed as his lips pulled in a hard frown. “Just so this isn’t going to come as a surprise...Gast is going to be pleading not guilty and his lawyer will be fighting tooth and nail to prove that you wanted this.”
Thor reached over, his hand encompassing Loki’s and holding tight. He felt the tremor that ran through his fiancee and he squeezed tightly. “Breathe baby, breathe.”
“I will fight for you Mr. Laufeyson. I want to put this fucker away for what he did to you. This next bit you aren’t going to like.”
“How can it get any worse?” Loki mumbled.
“Gast lawyer, Malekith, is demanding that you be arrested as well for the murder of Tanleer Tivan.” Silence reigned in the office moments before Loki jolted to his feet and rushed out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. “Go after him, my ADA will contact you when it’s time to get this shitshow on the road.”
Thor nodded as he stood up, shaking Fury’s hand before going to go collect his submissive. He caught Loki as the man came out of the bathroom, his skin pale and a little green around the edges. The blonde caught him in his arms and held him tight, his nose in his hair. “Let’s go home, text Artie to come pick up your car and we will just have a quiet night at home.” He whispered feeling Loki nod against his neck. They moved down into their cars, Loki tucking the key to his car safely away with Artemis on the way to pick it up and he climbed into the truck, leaning back and closing his eyes. The drive home was silent and once at the house, Loki disappeared into the back bedroom. Thor sighed as he placed an order for dinner and sank into the couch, his head resting back against the back of the couch and Hel hopped into his lap purring loudly as she croaked at him. He chuckled as he scratched her under her chin, her claws out as she kneaded his thigh making him wince. “You already have food, we filled your feeder up this morning.” He shook his head as she leveled a glare at him and promptly kicked off his legs making the bigger man grunt. “Yeah, thought so.” He closed his eyes, jolting as he felt the couch dip next to his hip and lips at his jaw.
“It’s just me,” Loki whispered into his ear, a slender leg thrown over Thor’s lap as he settled himself over him.
Large hands immediately went to slender hips and Thor felt his heart pick up. Spikes of anxiety flared in the Dom’s heart as he tried to focus on Loki, “what do you want baby boy?” He asked softly.
“I want you, Daddy, I miss you,” Loki whispered his lips trailing along the pulse of his neck and feeling it thunder against his lips. He pulled back, his slender fingers drifting down to grip the bottom of Thor’s T-shirt and draw it up; tossing it back over his shoulder and running his hands along the solid muscle. “Open your eyes, Thor.”
Thor slowly opened his eyes, taking in the sight of Loki settled in his lap; the brunette was shirtless, a simple braided leather collar rested around his neck with the matching leash hanging down the length of his chest. He placed the end into Thor’s hand and closed his fingers around it, the blonde frowning a bit. “Loki…”
“I miss you, Thor, I miss this.”
The blonde swallowed hard as he wrapped the leash around his hand. His heart hammered in his chest as he pushed himself up fully, “safeword?” He asked softly.
Thor growled as he tugged the leash, dragging the slimmer man forward. The kiss was heated, borderline desperate as Loki’s fingers raked angry red marks down Thor’s chest. Thor’s heart leapt in his chest as he felt Loki grind forward, his tongue dragging along the seam of his lips and coaxing his into joining the dance. Slender fingers slid into blonde hair and Thor growled as he tugged the leash back, forcing Loki’s head back with the movement.
“Yes...please,” Loki gasped arching his back and grinding his hips down.
Another growl left Thor’s lips as he gripped Loki’s hips tightly and flipped them, crowding the slender man into the soft couch. The hand holding the leash was pressed into the arm drawing the collar up Loki’s throat; flashes of bruised skin raced in Thor’s mind, reminding him of the ugly mottled marks left behind by spider-like appendages. He shook that from his mind as he leaned down to trace the unblemished skin, drinking in the whimpers and moans as his submissive trembled under him. Thor trailed his lips down, the wounds from when Loki was rescued were healed, the bruises gone and leaving no evidence of what had happened behind. Though Thor could still see every single cut, every bruise, and his heart lodged itself in his throat. He bit back a whimper as he felt Loki’s fingers in his hair and pressing his head down; blue eyes flicking down to catch sight of the brand that sat as a glaring reminder of what had happened. With a gasp he pushed himself up shaking his head, “no Loki, stop.” He panted, his eyes closing to try to block out the flashes of his partner broken and bloody.
“Thor please…” Loki trembled, his heart racing as he reached out to draw the man back down. His lips traced the sharp jut of his cheekbone as he wrapped his leg around the bigger man’s hips. “Pull the leash tighter….please...let me know that it’s you.”
Thor bit his lip hard as he pulled himself away, shaking his head. “Pineapple,” he whispered, silence filling the room as Loki went deathly still under him.
“Pineapple, I can’t...I can’t do this Lo.”
Green eyes went wide before narrowing and pale lips drew into a tight line. “Of course you can’t,” he scoffed, his voice turning to venom to mask his pain as he roughly shoved at Thor’s chest. “You haven’t been able to touch me or even really look at me since the hospital.”
Thor’s brow furrowed as he watched Loki rip off the makeshift collar and throw it across the room. “What the hell are you talking about?” The Dom pushed himself up reaching out for Loki only to have the man slap his hand away. “Why the fuck are you so angry?”
“I miss us, I miss what we used to be!”
“I do too but goddammit we still have a-”
“We? We?! Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were kidnapped as well and tortured for three fucking days!” The words hung in the air, both men stunned into silence before Loki turned around running to the door and flinging it open. He caught the setting sun glinting off the paint of his car and he rushed to the door, ripping it open and jumping into the passenger seat and scaring Artemis.
“Lo-lo? What the-”
“Just fucking get me out of here.” Loki sniffed slamming his door shut and buckled in.
Her blue/green eyes shifted to where she saw Thor standing in the door of the small house and she slammed the car into reverse, driving quickly away though the heartbroken look on the blonde’s face made her own heartache. “Lo…”
“Just drive Artie...I don’t...I can’t be here right now.”
She snapped her mouth shut, the image of Thor standing on their front lawn fading in the rearview mirror. She chewed on her lip, glancing at Loki, and drawing out her phone to shoot off a quick text to Sif before taking Loki to her house to see if she could figure out what the hell just happened to her friend.
Chapter by Dark_Huntress_Moony
I have no excuses...except that my life hit a fucking mess and a half and then Endgame killed me but we're gonna try to get back on regular updating times.
Loki pushed open the door to Rajun Cajun, the instant warmth and southern spice of the restaurant enveloping him and chasing away the chill from outside. He had convinced Artie to drop him off to Remy, hoping that he could catch the man and calm his racing heart. The ride down from the canyon had been tense, Artie’s disappointment in him nearly palpable as she occasionally sent out a message to a constant flurry of dinging from whom he could only guess was Sif. She had dropped him off with little protest but her aquamarine eyes said all he needed to know that she was upset and frustrated with him. He sighed as he made his way to a table and sat down bracing his head in his hands.
“Welcome to Rajun Cajun. What can I get ya shug?” A perky young woman with dark auburn hair and a white streak in the front asked.
“I-is Remy busy?”
She clicked her tongue tapping her pen to her lips. “I can find out...who’s askin?”
“Loki…” he said softly as he watched her walk off. He folded his arms on the table and dropped his head down, the guilt and anger starting to well up and war in his head.
“Lo mon ami ?” Remy’s voice cut through the cycle of pain in his head and the pale man looked up to see the Cajun watching him closely. “ Merde, what ‘appened ta ya?”
“I...Thor and I-” He stopped as the other man grabbed his hand and hauled him up.
“Steppin’ out!” Remy called, pulling Loki through the back and out into the back alley. “Did ‘e hurt ya?” He demanded as the door swung shut.
“What? No! Of course not.” Loki felt his throat constrict as the reality of what he did finally hit him. “Sweet Norns, I left him.”
“I...we…” Loki sighed letting his head fall back against the wall as he looked up at the darkening sky. “Thor used his safeword and I ran.”
Remy sucked in a sharp breath on his cigarette and coughed harsly. “Pardon? Mon ami ya didn’t.”
“I did…” Loki felt the tears in his eyes. “He said he couldn’t...I wanted to feel that it was him and not Gast. We had a meeting with the DA today and they...Gast and his lawyer want to have me arrested for killing Tanleer.”
Remy blinked at the other man, his cigarette hanging from his lips. “ Mon due ...ya really stepped in dis on mon ami. ”
The back door opened in a swell of warmth and spice and Logan popped his head out. “All good?”
“ Non Daddy,” Remy sighed shaking his head as he ground out his cigarette. “Few mo’ mins ya?”
“You’ve got twenty, I can hold off most of dinner but I’m not feeding the goddamn BSA again by myself.”
“ Oui , be in in twenty.” Remy smiled slightly as he waved Logan off before turning back to Loki and scrubbing a hand over his face “Do ya know why T’or used his safeword?”
“N-no...I just...we’ve hardly been intimate since I was rescued. Therapy has been helping but Thor hasn’t gone yet, he sees someone tomorrow. Things were fine until I asked him to pull the leash tighter.” The brunette’s hands trembled as he raked them through his hair.
“Ya’ll done breathplay ‘fore?”
“Sort of? Not explicitly and Thor never before used more than his hand.”
Remy sighed as he fished out another cigarette and lit it. “And ya’ll aint been doin da horizontal tango since ya got cleared?”
“What ‘bout kissin’n’touchin? Do ya’ll shower tagetha?”
“So, ya jumped righ’ back inta da kinky shit ‘fore ya re established dat da man is ya Daddy an gonna make sure dat ya be doin da same shit dats safe’n’sane fo ya. Did ya revisit ya limits?”
Loki swallowed hard as he felt the cold ball of dread settle low in his gut and he shook his head.
“Ya ain’t havin no talk ‘fore ya jus’ jump back on da dick?” Remy bew out a long breath, “what be Doc Jeanie sayin in da last session?”
“Communication is key to healing.”
“ Oui an ya went’n jumped inta bed witout talkin. Fuckin ya feelins stead’a tryin ta understand em.”
“Gods Rem...what if I-”
“Ya ain’t done irreparable damage mon ami . Ya just don a lil fuck up is all. So what ya gonna do ‘bout it?”
“I need to see Thor.”
“ Oui , good start.” Remy flicked his cigarette away just as the door opened and Logan stepped out with a take out bag in his hands.
“Twenty minutes is up baby boy.” He said gruffly, handing the bag to Loki with a nod. “There’s an Uber waiting for you; a large order of gumbo, a small pan of cornbread and sides of red beans and rice and jambalaya. Get on home now.”
Loki ducked his head as he took the bag. “Yes Sir.”
Remy smiled up at Logan fondly, “dat supah hearin of yas is da best Daddy. Call me tommarah ya Lo?”
“Course...thank you, both of you.” he said softly as he hugged Remy and went to get into his Uber.
Thor paced in the living room, his fingers tugging at his hair as he replayed the evenings events over and over in his head. The hours had ticked by and the sun finally setting casting the canyon in darkness. Part of him had been hurt and furious over Loki running when he safeworded, another part was sick with worry and the final part was embarrassed after the dressing down he got from Sif (and Stephen by proxy). Everything felt so wrong but Artie had promised him that Loki was safe while refusing to tell him where the man was. The blonde sighed as stepped into the kitchen and moved to the fridge to look for dinner, pausing when he heard the door open. He turned and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Loki standing there. The silence stretched between them like a yawning canyon and Thor saw his hands tremble from where they were wrapped around a bag. “You’re back.”
“I...have dinner.” Loki said softly as he moved into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter. “Artie’s pretty disappointed in how we...how I handled things.”
“I’d take disappointed over pissed...Sif and Stephen were ready to rip me apart.” Thor muttered as he moved closer, not daring to reach out for the smaller man.
“Logan and Remy send their regards and the food.” The paler male sighed as he turned away from the counter and stepped closer to Thor. He hesitantly lifted his arms, gasping in relief as the blonde pulled him into his chest and his arms settled like heavy bands around his body. “Thor...fuck I’m so sorry I...we….we haven’t-”
“I know,” Thor sighed, “you went through something no one ever should and I failed you as your Dom to not revisit our contract.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Loki’s head. “Stephen was furious when I explained what happened. I was so angry that you left but he was right to be pissed off at me. I forgot a fundamental rule.”
Loki rested his head on Thor’s chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. “Dr. Grey says that open communication is important in all facts of life.”
“She’d be right.”
“Set the table? I’ll be back.” Loki slipped from Thor’s arms and down the hall.
The blonde turned and picked up the bag, smiling a bit as the smell of spices and well made food drifted around him and he began laying things out. He moved to the fridge, pulling out two beers but pausing as Loki came back, a folder in his hands and a red pen tucked behind his ear. “Table the beers tonight?”
“Shouldn’t do things like this with an impaired mind.” he said softly.
Thor nodded as he put them back and pulled out the pitcher of tea, motioning for Loki to have a seat. He watched as the other sat at the table, the folder between the two place settings and thor sat down heavily. He reached out and took Loki’s hand in his, “just because we are doing this...does not mean the fundamentals have changed. I still want you to be my baby boy.” blue eyes met emerald and Loki felt his heart flutter.
“You’re still my Daddy Thor...but...but I don’t want what happened today to happen again. Before all this...we were damn near perfect together and now I feel like it was all taken away from me. I was so happy, beyond happy. I didn’t even get the chance to think on a wedding before it was torn away from us.” He bit his lip as he tightened his grip on Thor’s hand he bit back a small sob. “When you asked me to marry you...I thought I couldn’t be happier. I wanted...still want that with you. But I feel tainted, not worth anything for you. I feel like you could do so much better, with someone who wasn’t broken.”
“Baby boy...you aren’t broken. I know you think that, and I can tell you that you aren’t till the moon sets and the sun rises but you aren't. You survived, you fought and you came back to me. You killed one of the fuckers to get back to me, I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side from here to Valhalla.”
Loki sighed softly as he looked down at the contract, “I feel broken Thor. Dr. Grey says I’m making great progress, Minnie is amazed at how I’ve healed but I feel like everything was torn from me. All our happy memories tainted...and I feel like they will be until we face down Gast in that courtroom and put him behind bars.” the brunette sighed softly, “after that...I want to leave town for a little while. Just us. I want to go somewhere far away, and relearn what it means to be yours and just yours.”
Thor nodded as he lifted Loki’s fingers to his lips and brushed a kiss to the back of his hand. “Anything you want, I can leave the company to Tony for a little while. We will go wherever you want. You don’t have to do this alone Loki, I won’t let you go through this alone.” His eyes drifted down to the contract that sat between them and he sighed softly. “However...until this is all finished...I don’t know if I can do everything we used to...at least not right now.” He admitted softly.
Loki visibly deflated with a small relieved sigh, “thank the Norns...because I don’t think I can either. The thought of a scene makes my stomach go in knots and just...I don’t know if i can fully handle something around my throat.”
Thor swallowed hard, “were you...pushing yourself with the collar and leash earlier?”
Emerald eyes shifted away and Loki nodded a bit. “I just...it’s been so long-”
“Loki...I know. But don’t ever force yourself into something because you think it’s something I want. What did I tell you when we first started dating?”
Loki smiled a bit as his finger brushed along Thor’s inner wrist. “That you would never force me to do something.”
“That holds true even now.” The blonde sighed softly as he sat back in his chair, not breaking his connection with Loki as their fingers stayed intertwined. “So for now...let’s table the bondage side of our lives, wade back into it when we are ready.”
Loki let out a small breath and nodded. “But I still reserve the right to call you Daddy.”
Thor smiled as he let out a soft chuckle, “anything you want baby boy. Now let’s eat and watch some TV.”
“Can we watch Hannibal?”
Thor let out a soft groan, “i swear if I have to hear rants about how Hannibal won't just kiss Will I will probably sleep out on the couch with Hel.”
“As if Hel would leave her perch on the bed.” Loki laughed, “besides Hannigram is a thing, the internet says so and the show has homoeroticness and its not even undertones.” The brunette laughed at his lovers long suffering groan, sliding the folder off to the side and for once in the last few weeks, he felt like he was in control over his life once again.