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Just Care too Much

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It was 11 p.m. Zhu Yilong was just finished his shooting that day and went back to his apartment right away. After finishing the Guardian series, he got another series to perform. He was happy with his new role because he could act as a badass detective just like Zhao Yunlan, the character that he actually want to act as in his previous series. The scenario was also great, and he got some good co-workers too. With all of what he has got, he should be happy. However, he was wondered how could he felt a big hole in his heart.

Yilong took his phone and opened his Weibo. There were some memes from the fans about monkey man again, thanks to a certain person who initiatives it. He scrolled down his timeline tried to search a status from that man, however he didn’t find any. Not satisfied by the result, he entered that man’s name on the Weabo and found some photos of that man with his new co-workers. That man looked very happy and it seemed that they also did a lot of silly things on Tik Tok too.

Yeah, of course… He has find new friends… I should be happy for him…

Yilong opened his messenger and typed that man’s name as the receiver.

[Good Night. Don’t forget to have your dinner. And also, make sure to wash your feet and brush your teeth before sleep. Have nice rest. Don’t stay up too late.]

The young man sent the message. He waited for a while, but still no reply. At the old time, that certain man would send back a meme with some funny words in it. Or sometimes he would send some silly videos that could cheer up Yilong’s day. But nowadays, that man seldom replies his message. Even he replied, he would just use short answer just like ‘OK’, or ‘Sure’.

Why are you so Aloof? I’m tired of approaching you. You should approach me first!

Yilong still remember that man’s words. It made him let out a little laughter.

“You tell me what to do. And while I’m doing it for you, your respond is this cold. I never understand you…”

Yilong put the cellphone on his desk. The time that he shared with that man was short, but all of them were surely happy times. He was happy that he could meet such a nice person like that man, but he never thought that a separation could leave a big hollow in his heart. The more he scrolled the previous chat he had with that man, the more teary eyes he got. He should stop thinking about man. He should erase the Shen Wei in his heart that keep longing for Zhao Yunlan in all of lifetime.

All of a sudden, there were vibrations from his phone. Yilong thought the call must be coming from his manager who would just remind him about his schedule for the other day, so he answered the call lazily without looking at the name of the caller.

“Long-ge?”

Yilong froze. The voice that he heard, could it be…

“Long-ge? Are you there? Hello~?”

Yilong recognized the cheerful voice on the voice clearly. It really came from that man he was longing for.

“Ye- Yes…” the older man answered the call with a trembling voice. He still tried to control his tone so that that caller wouldn’t know that he was just sobbing.

“Ah, I thought that you’ve fallen asleep, ahaha,” the man replied cheerfully, “It’s already late, why are you still awake?”

“No… nothing…” the older man suddenly feeling lost. He was longing for that man for a long time, but how could he lose all the words as the man speaking to him?

“Why your voice sounds trembling? Are you okay?” that man asked.

Yilong still didn’t know how to respond. That man has told him to be more open up and now Yilong felt that he has failed that man’s wish. In the verge of tears, Yilong gathered all of his might to give a reply on the phone. “No… I’m just… I miss you, my Yunlan…”

Before the caller could hear his sob, Yilong quickly ended the call and threw the phone to his pile of clothes. He cursed himself for what he has just said to the younger man. If he could rewind the time, he wish that he could kick his past self that said the silly words to that man.

Yilong pulled at his sheet and covered all his face with it. He wished that he could burry himself to erase all the words he has just said. However… he felt great that he has said what he should have said. With all of the deepest memories that he has while he was acted as Shen Wei, Yilong fell asleep with the hope that he would meet his Zhao Yunlan again on his dream.