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with a taste of your lips (I'm on a ride)

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The annoying click Jeongguk’s pencil makes whenever he presses against the eraser echoes through the library. Some of the students at his table shoot him pointed looks and glares, like they expect Jeongguk to stop doing whatever it is he’s doing. He obviously pays them no mind, though, too preoccupied with the books scattered in front of him. It’s with disgust, stress, and sleep-deprivation that he stares at the numbers scribbled out in his homework, hoping—no, desperately wishing they are right.

If he just wills it, maybe the equations will solve themselves.

Having a schedule full of assignments, projects, and boring classes was definitely not in Jeongguk’s agenda for what college life would be like. He was expecting something more along the lines of getting wasted every other night, hooking up with a nice girl with a nice pair of tits, and—if he was lucky enough—adding more numbers to his otherwise now useless list of people he will most likely never call.

But truth is, Jeongguk just didn’t know his first year would be so fucking tiring.

His eyes are closing by the time he finishes the first chapter, writing out formulas he thought he had left behind back in high school. Yet, here Jeongguk is, spending a nice Sunday afternoon being made math’s little bitch once again. There’s drool on the corner of his mouth when he feels something vibrating on his pocket.

The noise rings loud in the silence which earns him another set of judging looks coming not only from his table, but, well, everyone else. Jeongguk wants to die, if not from embarrassment, at least from overworking himself. He’s so tired that if by any chance he falls asleep, he’s not sure he’ll wake up. Whether he wants that or not remains a mystery.

He shoots everyone a quick glance and an awkward smile that he kind of hopes they will interpret as, “hey, I’m sorry for being an inconvenient little shit.” Taking his phone in his hand, he checks to see who or what could possibly be texting him during his goddamn study hour. Hopefully it’s his roommate letting him know he’s gonna spend the night out. God knows Jeongguk needs some alone time.

A shiver runs down his spine when he realizes it’s not a text or a call; it’s a notification from glossypjm, the YouTube channel he’s almost (totally) obsessed with. That’s more than enough to get his whole body to tingle, alert, making him more awake than he’s ever been in the past 48 hours.

Up he goes, knocking out the chair behind him, its thump on the floor startling the whole room. Now the entire library is definitely looking at him, incredulous expressions showing on their faces as Jeongguk quickly grabs his things, shoves them all inside his backpack, and runs the fuck out of there.

He gets to his dorm almost like he’s on autopilot, too excited to even care about the people he’s bumped into or shoved past on his way there. Jeongguk sighs in relief once he realizes his room is empty and, not knowing how long it will last, hastily deposits his things before diving into the comfort of his bed, rescuing his laptop from the mess he calls a floor.

Shit. It’s been so long since glossypjm posted anything on her channel. Jeongguk feels excitement running through his veins, fingers shaking as he logs onto his account and clicks on the first video it shows on her page.

How her videos showed up on his recommendations one very fortunate day, Jeongguk doesn’t know, but he’s sure damn glad they did. It’s not like Jeongguk had an extensive knowledge in beauty channels—or any knowledge in that area, for that matter. Jeongguk’s YouTube’s history contains a variety of shitty videos that even he agrees aren’t even worth watching, vine compilations that saved the world from depression, Overwatch matches, covers, and free online editing classes.

Perhaps Jeongguk had been drawn to the velvety red lipstick displayed flawlessly on glossypjm’s plump, gorgeous lips. Or perhaps it was how Jeongguk instantly thought about having aforementioned lips wrapped around his cock, milking him dry until there wasn’t a single drop of come left in his body.

After a good look into this glossypjm’s channel, half an hour and six videos later, Jeongguk had decided it was a combination of both. And, honestly, he couldn’t remember the last time that he jacked off to something so pretty.

He subscribed just as fast as he came that night.

Jeongguk has grown addicted to the visuals. What else could he do in this situation anyway? The girl’s mouth is a fantasy far better than every porn he’s ever watched. Which is kind of odd considering the videos are literally just closeups of her lips, testing out new lipstick colors and brands. No voice overs, no sign of her face—not a single inch above her cupid’s bow or under her jaw. But the imagery is enough to have him so hard it hurts, and he kind of enjoys not knowing how she looks. This way, it makes watching her videos a new experience each time.

Settling his laptop on his small bedside table is a challenge, but he manages. There’s an upbeat song playing in the background when Jeongguk presses play and the video starts.

Today, she’s got a tutorial on how to get some kind of ombre effect. Jeongguk has no idea what that means, but he’s going to watch it from beginning to end, like he always does. From the thumbnail, Jeongguk can see the colors fading on themselves in a beautiful mixture of warm shades.

She usually shows the product as she goes, focusing them on the screen or applying on the back of her hand. This time, she starts the video smearing a sticky, translucent-looking substance all over her mouth, only to add another glowy kind of cream on top of her cupid’s bow. Moving to the actual lipsticks, she swipes the darker shade on her upper lip, the middle, then finally the bottom lip, and Jeongguk’s hand travels to his waistband. It’s shameful how he pulls his underwear down, freeing his cock, and realizes he’s half-hard already, precome slowly dribbling out. Jeongguk watches closely as she finishes the first application, moving onto the second coat until her mouth is entirely covered in Maybelline’s Super Stay Matte Ink, in the shades 75, 80, and 85. Jeongguk has never even heard of them, but damn if those aren’t his favorite colors now. Despite the amount of educational content he’s inadvertently consumed, he still clueless about makeup.

He forgets about the lube he usually keeps in his bottom drawer to make the slide of his palm easier, because at this point, there’s just so much precome oozing out that he doesn’t think he’s going to need anything else. Pumping himself to full hardness takes less than a minute, that welcome and well-known burnt out pleasure pooling in the pit of his stomach.

Jeongguk groans, imagining warm wetness engulfing his length slowly and completely—gagging as the cockhead touches the back of someone’s throat. He would love the choked-out sound, would love to fuck that mouth until glossypjm had drool and come dripping down her mouth, smeared all over the place along with her blurred lipstick.

Glossypjm shows every angle of her beautiful mouth, the dark color such nice contrast with the smooth peachy shade of her skin. There’s always a smile close to the end, front tooth slightly crooked, and that tiny detail makes Jeongguk even more allured, hypnotized.

He snaps his wrist, sometimes pressing the tip of his finger into the head of his cock and hissing when the sensation becomes too much to bear. The video is almost over, so he pauses at the exact moment glossypjm has her mouth partially open in such an obscene way that Jeongguk has trouble breathing. His throat goes dry as his hand grows hotter and hotter with each thrust. He focuses on how amazing it would be to have those lips for himself, to kiss and bite and suck until they’re swollen red, smeared with spit and dragging pretty little moans out from them. For him.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk grunts, pressure building up throughout his entire body. He kicks up his pace, bucking his hips forward and pulling the foreskin down, down, down until he’s coming, fast, hard, and so fucking good he almost knocks out then and there, white strings spilling all over his stomach.

His breath is heavy, and he wonders what kind of person glossypjm is, if she would spit or if she would swallow. Jeongguk continues to stroke along his length, oversensitivity long forgotten as he finishes himself off.

Sweat beads on his forehead. Regardless of the mess he’s just made, or how tiring and dirty he feels, Jeongguk takes one last glance at the screen in front of him. He knows he’s crazy, but seeing those shiny, sinful lips inviting him in—Jeongguk knows it’s worth it.

Outside, the moon is high up in the sky, and Jeongguk is completely satiated, orgasms getting better and better with each new video. He hums, content, thinking he can, maybe, take a nap for a few hours until he has to get back to studying.

Cleaning himself up as nicely as he can, Jeongguk closes the tab on his laptop and mentally thanks glossypjm for another great time. He dozes off not even two minutes later, dreaming of giant lipsticks with legs, chasing him down.

Jeongguk wakes up covered in sweat, sun peeking through the curtains. He looks at the time on his phone then curses at himself because, of-fucking-course, he slept through the entire night and now he’s late, homework left undone and holy shit, he is so fucked.

 

[Tuesday, 10:23am]

 

fuckboi guk

hyungggg

pls

hELP ME

this is a fucking emergency i’m not even joking

 

Namjoonie

please tell me someone died

 

fuckboi guk

wow you want someone dead?

geez hyung that’s some morbid shit u know

 

Namjoonie

you can’t see but i’m rolling my eyes

i have at least five papers to turn in by the end of the week so unless you need my help hiding a body or someone’s actually Dead then i don’t wanna hear it bye

 

fuckboi guk

can u hear that

its the sound of our fake friendship dYING

 

Namjoonie

good

 

fuckboi guk

n here i thought u were the nice hyung u__u

 

Namjoonie

ugh fine

what’s up

 

fuckboi guk

i was gon ask u if u could help me out w m4th

bc ya boi is *plane emoji* failing

but if u can’t its okay i guess i’ll just die instead

 

Namjoonie

let me know when’s the funeral

 

fuckboi guk

so meanie :(

 

Namjoonie

sorryguk i’m just stressed

you know that i’d totally help you if i could

 

fuckboi guk

its okay Bro

i’ll live,,,

hopefully

 

Namjoonie

i can try to find someone to tutor you if you want

 

fuckboi guk

would u????? WOULD U RLLY???

 

Namjoonie

yeah man

there’s this guy in my class

dude knows his way around his numbers

i can talk to him and see if he’s not busy

 

fuckboi guk

u my friend

r the real mvp here

i could totally kiss u rn

 

Namjoonie

ew no straight kisses are accepted in this household thanks

 

 

fuckboi guk

that’s heterophobia joonie

it’s not my fault i like pu$$y

 

Namjoonie

blocked

 

fuckboi guk

JOONIE BLS!!! :((

 

[Friday, 6:29pm]

 

fuckboi guk

UNBLOCK ME U COWARD

 

Namjoonie

bold of you to assume you were blocked

if you were then how are you texting me

you fool

 

fuckboi guk

shit ur right

see

this is why i need hELP

 

Namjoonie

at this point you need a miracle

 

fuckboi guk

wow thanks hyung i rlly appreciate ur honesty

ilu2

 

Namjoonie

anyway

i got you a tutor

 

fuckboi guk

omg?!!!

r u serious

hyung i owe u my LIFE

 

Namjoonie

yeah yeah

his name is jimin

said you could text him to work things out

here’s his number

xxx-xxxx

 

fuckboi guk

icb i’m saying this

but

hyung

i love u

so fucking much

bls accept my hand in marriage

 

Namjoonie

:’)

you’re welcome bitch

 

 

[Monday, 3:16pm]

 

Jeongguk

hello!

is this jimin?

 

Jimin

hey :)

yeah, who is this?

 

Jeongguk

i’m jeongguk? namjoon’s friend

he told me to text u cos u agreed to help me w math?

 

Jimin

oh! that’s right

i’m kinda busy during the week

but if it’s not a problem with you, we can meet up at the library this saturday?

 

Jeongguk

not a problem at all!

thanks dude ur rlly saving my ass here

 

Jimin

haha no problem! :P

is 5ish good for you?

 

Jeongguk

yeah man it’s perfect!

srsly thank u so much for doing this

 

Jimin

no need to thank me

just study hard okay?

 

Jeongguk

lol sure

see u there then?

 

Jimin

see you :*

 

 

It's a hard week for Jeongguk. There haven’t been any glossypjm videos lately, which means Jeongguk has to resort to homemade porn to get himself off. He tries to watch other beauty channels, but it's just not the same. None of those girls appeal to him like glossypjm’s lips do. Plus, their videos aren't as nice and aesthetic, and the girls talk way too much in these high-pitched tones Jeongguk is certain that every single beauty guru has, and would rather avoid even in real life.

There is also the fact that he might fail math during his first college semester and that’s kind of a boner killer. His parents will probably cut off his dick and serve it to him for dinner if that happens. And lord knows Jeongguk does not want to have his precious orgasm-inducer ripped off him. He likes his dick, he really likes it—too much to go through that kind of mutilation.

His routine doesn't change: wake up, shower, eat (when he remembers), go to class, eat (if he remembers), homework, go back to his dorm, study some more, fall asleep on top of his book, and the cycle repeats.

Jeongguk is a barely functional human being at this point and he misses the smell of clean clothes, his skin products, the sweetness of a big glass of strawberry milkshake. He misses his crazy nights out and hanging with his new friends. He's scarcely heard from Namjoon apart from lazy midnight texts, and the last time he saw Yoongi was almost two weeks ago when they bumped into each other while leaving that hipster café Seokjin introduced him to on his first day of school. Yoongi looked worse than ever, but that was a daily Yoongi kind of thing.

College life certainly isn't easy, but Jeongguk knows he's gonna get the hang of it. Eventually. Maybe. Someday, hopefully? Whatever.

By the time Saturday arrives, Jeongguk has dark bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep and he doesn’t really know how he is going to endure a full-hour math tutoring session in this zombie-like state. Jimin seems like a nice guy over text, but is Jeongguk ready to spend his evening listening to the guy talking about formulas? The answer is no, but he’ll sure as hell try.

It’s with a death wish that his feet drag him across the campus towards the library, the place he’s gotten to know better than his own room. Jeongguk stops by the cafeteria to buy himself a large-sized coffee, even though he hates the bittersweet taste, and chugs it down in one go before he continues on his way to tackle the reason he so desperately wants to jump off a cliff. Math, man. Fucking math.

His phone makes a quiet ping, and he takes it out of his pocket as he passes through the door. He’s ten minutes early, Jeongguk notices with a roll of his eyes, checking the message that just came in. It’s from Jimin.

 

 

[Saturday, 4:52pm]

 

Jimin

hey, jeongguk!

ended up leaving earlier than i should so i’m already here

meet me at the study section at the back

 

Jeongguk

i just got here

ah btw idk what u look like lol

 

Jimin

blond guy wearing glasses sitting alone

won’t be hard to find me haha

 

Jeongguk

got it

meet u in a few

Jimin

:-)

 

Jeongguk shoves the phone somewhere inside his backpack and shakes his head, feeling dread rushing through his body. As enthusiastic as he might be of meeting new people, this time around what he really wants to do is just turn on his heels and go back to his dorm to possibly hibernate for the next nineteen years.

Sucking in the deep breath he let escape from his lips, he reluctantly makes his way to where Jimin is. He can spot the same old people he sees every time he comes to the library to finish a paper or do some reading and he wonders if they ever go home. Or shower.

He shrugs, deciding not to dwell much on their hygiene routine—otherwise he will be obliged to think about his own situation and the fact that the pants he’s wearing haven’t been washed in over a week and the hoodie he has on was on his floor for the past two days. Once upon a time, Jeongguk would never use the same shirt twice in the same week or go out without his extensive skin routine in the morning. But desperate times call for desperate measures and right now Jeongguk just hopes that he isn’t smelling.

The tables at the back are smaller and there’s barely any available seats left; groups of students are almost mounted on each other, noses hidden behind books and fingers tapping soundly at their laptops. Finals must be getting into everyone’s ass if that’s any indication to go by.

He scans the area, looking for a blond guy and glasses. Jimin should have, perhaps, been a little bit more specific, since half the male population crowding the library is blond with glasses on.

“Jeongguk,” someone calls from the other side, and Jeongguk turns his head to follow the sound.

“Jimin?” Jeongguk asks, frowning once he matches the voice and to its face.

“Yep! Come, take a seat,” the guy—Jimin—says, and Jeongguk is a little bit short of breath, more or less confused as he stares Jimin down, head to toe.

Call him cliche, possibly stereotypical asshole, but the image of Jimin in his head is nothing compared to the reality standing right in front of him. Maybe a light-skinned nerdy dude. Glasses, sure. But this? Jeongguk was definitely not at all expecting this.

Jeongguk might be hella straight but at least he's not afraid to admit when a guy is really fucking astonishing when he needs to, and that's just the case here. Look at Namjoon, for example. Dude’s a literal compilation of everything good in the world. Well, so he’s heard.

So, yeah, this Jimin guy could totally be compared to a model who's just walked straight out of a fashion magazine or something equally fancy, and Jeongguk is a little shaken up, but mostly surprised.

Jimin's blond, parted hair shines under the yellowish library lights and his eyes crinkle where Jeongguk can see them under his thick-rimmed vintage glasses. Jeongguk wants to punch himself (and maybe Jimin for looking this good. Is that even allowed?) for staring too much. Jeongguk can't help but notice how attractive the guy is even though he can't see much of his face, since it's half-covered with a black mask. What Jeongguk can get a good look at, however, is Jimin's well-built torso trapped in a tiny version of a body that makes him look almost… cute.

“Hey, are you alright?” Jimin asks him after what feels ages, but might have been probably just a few seconds. Jeongguk gulps nonetheless, mortified by his own thoughts, and he knows he must look like an idiot just standing there, mouth open as he watches Jimin going back to the table he had snatched for the both of them.

Thinking girls are cute is perfectly normal. It's a natural reaction for Jeongguk because 1) most girls are, in fact, pretty cute and 2) he likes girls. So why the hell does he feel the urge to coo and do some weird shit like actually giggle?

Either way, he replies, “Oh, my bad, man. Yeah, I'm okay. Just got a bit distracted there.”

Jeongguk then takes his seat next to Jimin, puts his backpack down and shuffles through it, getting his own books out to simply throw them all over the table. His mouth is suddenly dry and his mind is sort of racing, trying to come up with reasons to why he's thirsty. Might be the heat. It's definitely the heat. It's hot in here anyway.

“So, before we begin,” Jimin starts, dragging his chair closer. Jeongguk’s cheeks burn. “I'm really sorry for this.” Jimin points to the mask and Jeongguk can't really see, but judging by the way his eyes droop sadly, Jeongguk risks assuming he’s pouting. “Woke up feeling kinda sick today and I didn't want to cancel. Do you mind if I keep this on until we're done?”

“No, ‘course not. But if you’re not feeling well, we can totally do this another time,” Jungkook tells him, genuinely concerned.

“I’m way better now! Just didn’t want to end up sneezing on you.”

“That’d be gross,” Jeongguk says, scrunching his nose.

“Yeah, it would,” Jimin giggles. It’s the most beautiful sound Jeongguk has ever heard and he’s heard a lot . His body tingles, stomach fluttering.  

Jeongguk clears his throat, looking away from Jimin and focusing on the books. At least, that’s what he tells himself to do. Whether he’s able to do that is a whole other story.

“So...” Jimin clicks his tongue and tilts his head, grabbing his own notebook and leafing through the pages. He doesn’t spare Jeongguk a glance, to which he’s very grateful for. “What exactly do you need help with?”

“Uhm.” Jeongguk scratches the back of his head, embarrassed. He’s probably as red as a tomato and he really doesn’t want Jimin to think he’s some kind of brainless freshman. “Everything?” he replies with as much honesty as he can, sighing.

“Everything, everything?”

“I mean,” Jeongguk licks his lips, staring at the unsolved equations in front of him, “I know the basics. I know what I have to do, but I just can’t seem to figure out how to apply it.”

“That’s okay. We’ll work our way around it until it gets easier for you. How does that sound?” Jimin suggests. Jeongguk only shrugs. It’s not like he has much of a choice here. He either learns how to fucking solve a problem or fail his class. The latter isn’t an option.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath. Jimin is looking at him expectantly. He feels oddly reassured, so he forces a smile and says, “Sounds good to me. Let’s get to work then.”

 

 

Turns out that work in Jimin’s words is actual work. He does his best to explain even the simplest things to Jeongguk. Maybe the fact that Jeongguk can’t concentrate at all has a lot to do with how soothing Jimin’s voice is or how enthusiastic he sounds when he goes on about numbers. He talks with his hands, Jeongguk notices. He also notices how small his fingers are as they peek out from underneath Jimin’s sleeves like sweater paws. Who the fuck even wears sweater paws nowadays?

Jeongguk is fucked. That much he knows. Not only because Jimin is a nice dude who’s willingly wasting hours of his weekend trying to teach him, but also because Jeongguk really is trying to pay attention and none of that seems to matter to that fucked, useless brain of his.

“If you want to factor an equation, you have to look for the common elements, you know? For example.” Jimin takes his own pen from the mess around them and writes down a few numbers and letters. Jeongguk nods in understanding (he doesn’t understand, though). “So, in this case, the ‘x’ is the common element, right? All you have to do is extract that to get the final answer. Get it?”

Jeongguk fakes a smile. “Yeah, sure, absolutely.”

“Lying your way into making me believe you’re listening won’t help you pass algebra, you know that, right?” Jimin says, running his fingers through his hair. Jeongguk gulps, attentively watching the way some of the strands remain reluctant to stay in place. And this is why he is definitely failing math.

“Honestly, dude, how do you make it sound so easy?” Jeongguk whines, allowing the good student facade to fade already. It’s not like Jimin doesn’t know his attention is anywhere but where it needs to be.

“Years of practice,” Jimin says, matter-of-factly, then adds, “Or it might just be that I’m actually good at it.” He winks through his glasses and Jeongguk feels his belly clench. “Either way, I don’t think we’re making any progress today.”

“I’m sorry, man. I swear I’m not like this. I usually pick up things pretty fast but…  It’s just…”

“It’s okay, Jeonggukie.” He gives Jeongguk’s shoulder a light squeeze and Jeongguk itches in his seat, ears burning. “Math isn’t for everybody.”

Jeongguk scoffs, pushing Jimin’s hands away. He can’t have Jimin touching him now. Come on, this is already hard as it is. “It definitely isn’t for me.”

“I guess we’ll see about that,” Jimin teases. At this point, Jeongguk has given up on pretending he’s not flustered. But, if there is a God, Jimin won’t notice Jeongguk’s face turning a few shades deeper.

“I’m serious!”

“So am I. Don’t you wanna pass this class?”

Jeongguk does, so he just nods.

“Well, then I’ll just make sure you’ll know how to factor the hardest fucking equations by the time of your final exam. But you gotta promise me you’ll focus next time. Deal?” Jimin’s tone is demanding and it makes Jeongguk feels things he’s not sure he wants to feel. Especially for a man. What the fuck is happening to him?

Yet he plays his part and, like the menace he is, he salutes, “Yes, sir!”

Jimin rolls his eyes at him, shrugging Jeongguk’s antics off. He sneezes and starts picking up his stuff. Handing Jeongguk his notebook, he says, “Here. You can keep my notes, if you want. Stick to the first pages and you’ll be alright. When’s your final?

“About two weeks?” Jeongguk sighs. “Thanks, though.”

“Mhmm,” Jimin mumbles, scratching his chin as he thinks. “I can talk to my professor and see if I can skip practices for the next weeks so we can meet every other day.”

“Practice?”

“I dance during my free time.”

“Damn, you get a lot of that? ” Jeongguk says, playfully. The joke shows its worth when he hears Jimin laughing, full body swinging in his direction. He almost, almost lets his head fall over Jeongguk’s shoulder before he pulls back, laughter still filling the library. Some people glance at them with that murderous look in their eyes. There we go, now Jeongguk feels like his day at the library has succeeded. Regardless of being too loud, Jeongguk sends them an unapologetic smirk because, yeah, sure, he wouldn’t mind listening to Jimin laughing one more time even if that’ll get them in trouble.

Jimin sneezes again. “You’re funny.”

“Thank you, I try.” His chest swells; Seokjin-hyung would be so proud of him. “But don’t you think canceling your classes to tutor me is a bit too much? I can totally ask someone else for help. I don't wanna bother you.”

Truthfully, he’s only saying that to be polite, because the reality is that if Jimin needs to stop tutoring him, then he’ll be left alone to wallow in his own disgrace for the rest of the school year.

Jeongguk finds he very well might be a lucky bastard when Jimin replies, “Nonsense! I don’t mind. Besides, no offense but, you could really use my help.”

“None taken. I know I’m a lost cause.”

“I haven’t lost you just yet, Jeonggukie, don’t worry.”

Jeongguk ignores the way Jimin’s words make him shiver.

They finish cleaning everything up, Jeongguk shoving his books inside his backpack, Jimin waiting for him. They walk side by side to the front doors until they both stop, Jimin holding his bag close to his chest.

“So, how about we continue on Monday? We can text to figure out a good time for both of us.”

“Sure, yeah, that works for me,” Jeongguk replies nonchalantly, as if the possibility of seeing Jimin any time soon isn’t making him nervous.

Jimin walks up to Jeongguk, stopping before getting too close. Jeongguk’s breath hitches, curious. Jimin pulls down his mask, revealing what Jeongguk didn’t want to admit that he was totally dying to see.

There’s a smile playing on Jimin’s lips and all Jeongguk can do is stare.

"Holy fucking shit.”

Jeongguk's brain is wired, heart racing as he keeps telling himself that this is impossible. Are those…? No. It can’t be. Can it? No. Absolutely not. He’s crazy. His obsessed mind must be insane and he’s just overthinking things. Because Jimin can’t… This can't be happening. It just can’t be.

“What's wrong?” Jimin's eyebrows shoot up, distressed, and Jeongguk realizes he must have said that out loud.

“N-nothing,” Jeongguk stutters, eyes wide and jaw dropping as he slowly registers what he vehemently does not want to believe, but might be the inevitable truth. Jeongguk knows those lips. Has seen them over and over again until he had them memorized in his brain, etched into every single fantasy his mind has created for the past five months. Images of those same lips swallowing down his cock—the only visual he needed to come so hard he could black out, fueling his so desired good nights of sleep. As an avid follower, he knows. He would recognize them anywhere.

It’s not even the lips that give Jimin away. His smile is so pretty, lips slightly parted, with that crooked front tooth showing for the whole world to see. Fuck. This really can't be happening.

“Okay…” Jimin says after a while, probably tired of the awkward, pregnant silence between them. “It was nice to meet you, Jeonggukie. Guess I’ll see you then?”

Jeongguk is a little dizzy, mostly confused, and definitely in denial. He doesn’t know how he finds the words to reply, but his voice comes out strained anyway, “Sure! Of course. Yes. You’ll totally see me. Uh-uh.”

Jimin giggles, and Jeongguk wants to die. Putting his mask back on, Jimin turns around and waves him goodbye. Jeongguk swears he hears Jimin saying something along the lines of “cute”.

He doesn’t stay long enough to dwell on it, not even to watch Jimin disappear behind the building near the cafeteria. The next thing he knows, he’s running without looking back.

 

 

Pacing around the room, Jeongguk puffs out his chest and releases a deep sigh. He's spent the entirety of the last hour rewatching a concerning amount of glossypjm’s videos until his mind and his dick couldn't take it anymore.

The whole way back to his room, Jeongguk had been hyper-aware of every look he got from people walking by him. As if they all knew about his inner struggle and unsettling turmoil.

He refuses to connect the object of his deepest, filthiest desires to the only person whose help is going to get him to pass his class. Regardless of how hard he tries, he can't seem to get those lips out of his head—lips which are now paused fullscreen on his laptop.

The damage has been done. Every time Jeongguk played a video, his mind would fill with images of Jimin wearing nothing but those lipsticks on.

Hence why he can't stop pacing the room, hands sweaty, and an uncomfortable bulge still growing in his pants that, no matter how much he thinks about the most repugnant and distasteful things involving his grandmother and a thong, simply won't disappear. He could die from blue balls yet he keeps going back to Jimin's lips and how pretty he looked when he smiled.

This is wrong. Jeongguk likes girls. Always have, always will. Right?

This is how the stages start.

 

 

DENIAL

Sunday comes with yet another half-slept night. Jeongguk pretends he didn't wake up at ass o’clock, sweating buckets with a full boner after having a very vivid dream about a certain someone's lips.

He checks to see if his chaotic awakening had been enough to rouse Yugyeom, but his roommate is still asleep on his side of the room, so Jeongguk not so calmly goes to the bathroom to clean himself up while he can. It's not even 8 a.m. but the water is cold as ice and it helps, for a moment, to ease the tension in his shoulders and the throbbing in his groin.

The day goes by torturously slow. Since he's already awake, Jeongguk decides that maybe it's a good time to work on that food ad for marketing class he's way behind in. Yugyeom snores quietly, and Jeongguk tiptoes around the room to get his stuff and set up his laptop on their shared study table.

Jeongguk spends the next two or so hours on it, his soft EDM playlist coming through his headphones. Avoiding the doubts still hanging over his head, Jeongguk gives his utmost attention to the assignment at hand—focusing on the public his ad is trying to speak to, what the fictional company is selling, and why this product is the right choice amongst a variety of equally unhealthy ingredients that makes the food taste delicious but overall the same. He chooses the color palette, plays around with the fonts he willingly spent a lot of money on, and after a few more touches, it's done. The final ad is nowhere near something he can be proud of, or worthy of adding into his portfolio, but it's good enough to have him satisfied.

Its submission date isn't until Wednesday, but he figures it's best not to procrastinate, so he submits it with a polite e-mail to back him up before he succumbs to his own perfectionism and starts the project over again. He doesn't exactly have time to redo it, since there's still a pile of unfinished homework he has to get to, let alone math—which is single-handedly kicking his ass with pointy cowboy boots on.

Jeongguk sighs. Fucking math. Jimin's notes haven’t been removed from his backpack, and it might stay that way. He runs his hands through his wet hair as Yugyeom continues to snore in the background, allowing himself, even if he doesn't necessarily want to, to think of Jimin and how he legitimately owns a YouTube channel where his colorful lips are the highlight of his videos and wonders what the hell he’s supposed to do with that information.

He doesn't know how to feel. Is he more concerned about finding out that Jimin, his math tutor, wears lipstick and that he's been obsessed with his mouth for so long that his body itches at the sight of it, or that said mouth belongs to a guy? Does he even want to know?

Surely he isn't attracted to Jimin. Or his lips. Maybe his lips. But that's the point, isn't it? They are just lips. It doesn't have to mean anything. Although, he might need a break from glossypjm’s videos if he hopes to survive another round of tutoring sessions. Jeongguk can't have his mind going back to all the times he’s made a mess of himself because of a tilt in the corner of that mouth or a quick glance of Jimin's tongue licking his bottom lip.

There are still a few YouTube tabs open on his screen, and Jeongguk’s finger trembles, but he still closes them, establishing a self-promise that this is final. No more glossypjm for him ever again.

Jeongguk finally goes out to get some food in his system, almost crying once he’s finished with his tteokbokki. His stomach thanks him with a hum as soon as he takes the last bite of his third portion. Full and content, he indulges himself in buying a few snacks for later—seaweed, ramen and banana milk. He loves banana milk.

He comes back to find Yugyeom still asleep. The day goes by in a blur after that. He eats some more, studies some more, even naps for a full hour straight and wakes up to a cold and empty room apart from his own drowsy body.

Jeongguk’s yawns are interrupted by the loud buzz of his phone where it lays forgotten on the study table. He was doing such a good job not thinking about him, but all of his hard work fades into oblivion as Jimin's name pops on the screen.

 

 

[Sunday, 4:29pm]

 

Jimin

hey :’)

 

He panics.

 

Jeongguk

hi jimin

 

Jimin

that's hyung to you >:|

anyway i come with news

i talked to my professor and although i can't skip every class, i can make it work at least 3 days a week? plus the weekends if you want

 

Jeongguk

sorry hyung

that's cool!

but i still think u shouldn't do that just for me

 

Jimin

it's okay silly!! i wanna help u :’)

so i have mondays wednesdays and fridays off until your finals

would that be fine with you?

 

Jeongguk

sure!

i'm free whenever

 

Jimin

great :D

does 4pm sound good to you?

 

Jeongguk

it's perfect

thanks hyung

 

Jimin

no problem jeonggukie <3

want to meet up at the library again or do you prefer somewhere else?

 

Jeongguk

no the library is cool!!

 

Jimin

okay then

enjoy the rest of your sunday because we're gonna make math our bitch tomorrow >:|

 

Jeongguk

lmao will do

see ya hyung

 

Jimin

:) <3

 

 

As soon as he puts his phone down, he lets out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. At this point, Jeongguk will get used to sweating like a pig on a summer day sooner than expected whenever he so much as talks to Jimin. Meeting up with Jimin three or more times a week was not in Jeongguk's plans whatsoever. “I’m free whenever,” he mutters to himself. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Jeongguk?”

He cleans the few beads of sweat running down his forehead, determined to end this unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach once and for all. He’s had enough. What better way to forget all about it than watching some good, old-fashioned straight porn?

He doesn't bother grabbing his laptop, just opens the site on his phone that he's been familiar with since he was a twelve-year-old boy, skinny-looking and timid, when his older brother taught him what porn was like.

xHot girl playing w big dragon dildox. It's a tragedy, to say the least. Jeongguk regrets his decision the second he clicks on it, noticing the girl is way too tall, her lips aren't full enough, and she's just not what he needs.

Although he tries, just watching six of the eight minutes is a drag. He sinks his hand below his sweatpants, grabbing his cock and giving it a light squeeze, caressing its head, lightly brushing the thumb over the slit, but nothing happens. He whines because she moans and Jeongguk feels nothing, not even the tiniest hint of a boner.

The door suddenly opens and Jeongguk jumps in surprise, phone flying, hands up like he's just been caught stealing.

The moans of Hot Girl Playing With Dragon Dildo are loud enough to echo through the room. Yugyeom stops, not even bothering to close the door behind him, then he asks, “Are you watching porn?”

Jeongguk’s whole face lights up like a Christmas tree. “No,” he lies, picking at his bottom lip. The girl yelps, broken whimpers resonating in Jeongguk's ears. She must be close. Yugyeom only stares at him. Jeongguk sighs in defeat. “Yeah.”

“Cool,” Yugyeom says nonchalantly, finally coming inside. Jeongguk picks up his phone from where it fell on the ground, relieved there aren't any cracks on it.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, embarrassed.

But then Yugyeom says, smirking, “Can I watch it?”

Jeongguk chokes. “Dude, no!” But his roommate just laughs. Jeongguk wants to dig a hole and bury himself in it for the rest of his miserable existence.

 

 

ANGER

The following meetings turn out to be a disaster. No matter how hard he tries, Jeongguk can’t focus. And hard he definitely is, at the silliest things in the world. Things Jeongguk would never bother to pay attention to, such as Jimin worrying his bottom lip between his teeth while concentrating on the equations he’s effortlessly solving, or when he wets said lip with his tongue afterwards.

Two sessions in and Jeongguk notices that Jimin’s honey-like voice might just be better than any ASMR video he’s watched, that his chubby fingers clutch tightly around the pencil whenever he’s deciding on a way to answer Jeongguk’s questions, and that his eyes turn into little crescents every time he laughs. Jeongguk finds it all endearing and hates himself for that.

He also discovers that Jimin is a top student from Busan (what a coincidence!), loves dancing, and is majoring in Chemical Engineering. Jimin’s life goal is to create a vegan skin product line to avoid animal testing. It's sweet how passionate Jimin is about his dreams. Jeongguk, however, has a feeling that Jimin means a makeup line, but he doesn’t go into details, so Jeongguk doesn’t mention either. He’s not sure if he should ask Jimin about his channel. That would imply having to come clean about why he watches it in the first place. Jeongguk decides to keep silent for now, since he might very well be wrong about it. Apart from Jimin’s plump, soft-looking, very kissable lips, there’s nothing that can connect him to glossypjm.

All of this could just be his obsessed mind playing a not-so-funny game with him, tricking his young, possibly stupid brain into believing he’s gotten the biggest boners of his life over a guy.

He wants to be wrong. Desperately. As expected, he isn’t.

Jimin trips right when they’re finishing everything up for their second session of the week, the contents of his bag spilling messily onto the floor.

“Shit,” Jimin curses, squatting down to pick his stuff up.

“Here, let me help you with that,” Jeongguk says, doing the same.

“Thanks,” he replies shyly, face flushing.

Jeongguk shrugs him off, because really, it’s not a big deal. “Nah, don’t mention it.”

“You’d imagine that a dancer wouldn’t be so clumsy, yet here I am,” he continues, gathering everything in a pile and shoving it back into his bag. Jeongguk just snorts, shaking his head, and picks up the rest of Jimin’s notebooks.

He stops midway, taking one notebook in particular in his hands. Jeongguk has only seen these kind of fancy journals at bookstore showcases. Its back is covered with black leather and it looks very expensive. When Jeongguk turns it over, every doubt he had about Jimin vanishes in less than a second. Embossed on the cover are the initials PJM.

Jeongguk gets up so quick, he almost knocks his head against one of the chairs. He can hear the increasing sound of his heartbeat, feels the dryness in his throat when he gulps down the lump stuck there.

Jimin follows his action, bringing his bag to his left arm as he stands up, too. He looks at Jeongguk, smiling, then says, “I got that one from my dad when I graduated high school. Said an engineer would need a good place to write down his thoughts.”

He lets out a short laugh, running his hand through his hair. It’s quite a habit Jimin has. Jeongguk remains quiet, voice gone while his mind goes spiraling.

“Jeonggukie?” Jimin calls, but Jeongguk can’t take his eyes off the journal. It’s really him, isn’t it?

Jeongguk feels more than he sees. Jimin’s small fingers squeeze his arm and send shockwaves down his spine. The touch is enough to make him jump, Jimin’s skin hot against his. He flinches from it, body quivering. His hands open and the journal slips from them, falling loudly on the floor and scaring some of the students around them.

Instantly taking a step back, Jeongguk glances at Jimin. There’s something akin to hurt and disappointment evident in his light brown eyes. His lips are parted, brows knitted together as he continues to look at Jeongguk with a shocked expression. It pains Jeongguk to see he’s the one causing discomfort to Jimin like that.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk begins, a little bit nervous, voice shaky. He crouches as fast as he can to grab the journal again, only to offer it to Jimin. “It’s, uh, a nice gift.”

“Yeah,” Jimin replies and accepts it, cautiously. His fingers retract so fast Jeongguk hardly sees it happening. “It was.”

He feels bad, so bad. What if Jimin thinks he didn’t want him to touch him? That would be such a dick thing to do. He was just caught by surprise. Nevermind not expecting the sudden jolt of electricity rushing through his veins.

Anger boils inside of him, not only at himself for reacting the way he did, but also at Jimin, for being so fucking Jimin. Jeongguk already has enough problems as it is, he doesn’t need a new one to be added to his list. He’s angry because his skin is still warm where Jimin touched him, he’s angry because he can’t stop thinking about Jimin, his round-glasses-eye-smile, his melodic voice and, most of all, his stupid fucking lips.

He’s angry because his body craves something he’s not exactly sure he’s okay with. He’s angry because how can he not be?

Jeongguk needs to make it up to him, so he asks, before he regrets it. “Wanna grab coffee tomorrow?”

Jimin blinks at him, owlishly big eyes wide in surprise. He tilts his head, biting the inner corner of his mouth. “Coffee?”

“I m-mean,” Jeongguk starts, stuttering. “We a-are studying tomorrow, r-right? Maybe we could go to, uh, a café or something? It would be nice for a change.”

“Sure! That’s actually a very good idea.” Jimin eases up, tension leaving his shoulders. He makes his way to Jeongguk, a shit-eating grin appearing across his face. “Coffee might help you concentrate on the numbers instead of my lips.”

It's like the air in Jeongguk's lungs disappears all of sudden. He starts coughing uncontrollably and Jimin hastily pats his back, asking him if he’s okay. Jeongguk can only nod, speaking as soon as he finds his voice again. “What did you just say?”

Jimin just looks at him softly, not a single trace of the previous playfulness on Jimin’s voice when he replies, “I said that coffee might help you concentrate. It’s a pretty stimulant drink, you know.” He smiles, and Jeongguk coughs one more time. “Anyway, I gotta go now. I’ll text you later about tomorrow, okay?”

Jeongguk doesn’t have time to argue because Jimin closes the space between them and gives him a kiss on the cheek. It’s quick, almost feather-like, but it burns, his skin getting tainted crimson as Jimin moves away from him.

Jimin smirks, turning around, body on display for the whole world to see as he walks down to the exit. Jeongguk hates the fact that his gaze lingers way too long on Jimin’s soft, incredibly perky ass.

Once Jimin is out of sight, Jeongguk is able to breathe. He’s left behind with hundreds of unanswered questions, a fluttering sensation building up at the bottom of his belly, and the certainty that he couldn’t have possibly imagined hearing that. Could he?

He storms all the way back to his room, befuddled as he thinks about Jimin’s words and how he pretended he hadn’t said anything.

Jeongguk is angry, confused, and horny and there's nothing he can do about it besides continue to be angry, confused, and horny. When Jimin texts him that night, he doesn’t reply.

 

 

BARGAINING

As much as Jeongguk hates coffee, it does help him, but not enough to keep his thoughts from wandering back to Jimin and whatever this situation is that he’s gotten himself stuck in.

To some extent, it gets easier to understand what Jimin is saying, tutoring being just as helpful as he wanted it to be.

He gets a few equations right, and the way Jimin beams at him makes Jeongguk want to do better. To be better. It's an odd, tingling sensation creeping its way under Jeongguk's fingers, escalating to his whole body, but it changes something in him.

It's impossible to pinpoint when Jeongguk went from accidental boners while boldly staring at Jimin's lips to comparing his smile to the sun. Truthfully, not a single star can shine as bright as Jimin right now.

So, even after they say their goodbyes, Jeongguk's forehead hurting from frowning so much, he can't stop thinking about it.

He wishes algebra was the only thing he didn't have answers to, but it so happens that he might not have the ones that really matter, either. The ones he doesn't want to accept.

 

 

 

[Saturday, 8:03pm]

 

fuckboi guk

hey hyung

how did u know u liked yoongi hyung’s dick

 

Namjoonie

when you find the right dick you just know i guess

why?

 

fuckboi guk

so like hypothetically speaking

if a guy

a straight guy!!!

started having,,, sexual thoughts abt another dude

does that make him gay or just sexually attracted to said dude

 

Namjoonie

that makes him at least bisexual jeongguk wtf

wait

does this mean

oh my god

 

fuckboi guk

no!!!!!! but like???

hypothetically speaking

he still likes girls!!! like he rly loves girls

he just can’t seem to get this other dude out of his head

maybe he did imagine the guy sucking his dick in a no homo just bros kind of way

but that’s it

would that still make him bi?????

 

Namjoonie

who are you trying to fool here jeongguk

 

fuckboi guk

THIS IS NOT ABT ME

 

Namjoonie

who is it then

 

fuckboi guk

a friend

u don’t know him

 

Namjoonie

i know all of your four (4) friends

counting your roommate

and myself

 

fuckboi guk

HE’S A NEW FRIEND!!!

 

Namjoonie

wait

is this about jimin?

 

fuckboi guk

whomst

dunno a jimin

nope

 

Namjoonie

i understand why he’d be your gay awakening though

 

fuckboi guk

bc he looks like a girl???

 

Namjoonie

i'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that

because that shit is so wrong on so many levels

 

fuckboi guk

i… i didn’t mean it like that

 

Namjoonie

you kind of did

listen guk

you can have a crush on a guy and still continue to like girls

that’s what being a bisexual means

finding excuses as to why you like him and say it’s because he looks like a girl is highkey homophobic plus very close-minded

and i know that’s not you

 

fuckboi guk

i know

i know all that

i just… i’m sorry

i rly am

 

Namjoonie

it’s fine guk

do you wanna talk about it?

 

fuckboi guk

idk if i can tell u the long version

but long story short

i think i might have a crush on jimin

n i honestly don’t know what to do

i thought that maybe it was just me kinda projecting ?

bc of smth i can’t tell u abt

but idk hyung

it’s just so weird

i can’t stop thinking abt him

he’s rly nice u know

very soft!!

has cute small hands

i want to hold them but i also want them around my dick

so there’s that

 

Namjoonie

you never really got the concept of too much information did you

 

 

fuckboi guk

not rly

 

Namjoonie

well

looks like you got yourself a big fat crush on a guy buddy

 

fuckboi guk

shit

ur right

 

Namjoonie

always am :)

so what are you going to do about it?

 

fuckboi guk

pretend it never happened? :D

 

Namjoonie

weak

but understandable

 

fuckboi guk

idek if he likes guys :/

 

Namjoonie

you could always, i don’t know, ask?

as in ask him out

 

fuckboi guk

is this ur way of saying u want me dead

bc i’d rather die thanks !

 

Namjoonie

gukie

my newest gay son

you don’t have to do anything now if you’re not comfortable

you can always just wait and see what happens

embrace the gay in you

and live your best life

 

fuckboi guk

that’s not very helpful but

thank u hyung

i’ll see what i can do

 

Namjoonie

i’m joking but seriously guk

there’s nothing wrong in liking both genders

but if this isn’t something you’re comfortable doing now

if you’re not ready for this

then you really don’t have to act on it

just do whatever it’s best for you, okay?

 

fuckboi guk

okay

i meant it tho

thank u joon hyung

i wuv u

 

Namjoonie

that’s gay

but i wuv u too

 

 

DEPRESSION

Avoiding his problems and running away from his responsibilities were never things Jeongguk considered worth doing. Jeongguk simply liked having things under control and he was doing that just fine until glossypjm, or in this case, Jimin, suddenly waltzed into his life like he was a ballroom made for Jimin to dance all over. Or, in a rather painful way, step all over his heart, too.

Nothing’s changed. They continue to meet up for their usual lessons, Jimin more eager than ever now that Jeongguk has finally got the hang of it (sort of). Jeongguk still thinks about doing things to Jimin he haven't even seen or knows how to do but desperately wants to try out. There is a difference this time around though; every fantasy involving Jimin that pops—uninvited, by the way—into his head also involves kisses, cuddles, and lots of hand-holding.

He’s just about to shower (finally!) when Jimin texts him.

 

 

[Wednesday, 7:12pm]

 

Jimin

hey jeonggukie

you seemed kinda off today :’(

i wasn’t sure if i should’ve asked at the café but i’m worried

is everything okay?

 

Jeongguk

u rly don’t have to worry abt me hyung

everything’s fine

i just have a lot on my mind lately

finals n shit

 

Jimin

i know we’ve barely met but if you need anything

or just want to take a break

let me know alright?

 

Jeongguk

that’s very nice of u hyung

thanks ;)

but i’m serious i’m okay!

 

Jimin

okay <3

do you think tutoring helped you enough to pass next week?

 

Jeongguk

i’m pretty sure that if it weren’t for u

i would’ve been crying for the past few weeks

not that i didn’t but lol

at least now i think i have a chance to actually get a good grade?

 

Jimin

i’m glad to hear that jeonggukie!

i was scared i wasn’t being that helpful :/

 

Jeongguk

trust me hyung

u were

i don’t think i can thank u enough for this

 

Jimin

i’ll tell you what

when you pass, hyung’s gonna treat you a nice dinner

how does that sound?

 

Jeongguk

sounds like a date then

oh wait

i didn’t mean date as in date

but like a /date/

a time of the day where we just go out to grab food

u kno

hehe

i mean

haha

 

Jimin

you’re so cute jeonggukie

it’s just dinner silly

anyways i still have to work on my own assignments tonight

i’ll talk to you later

<3

 

Jeongguk

have fun studying!!!

 

 

“Have fun studying? Who the fuck says that?” Jeongguk tsks. Jimin’s reply never comes and Jeongguk only shrugs, leaving his phone aside and allowing the hot water to ease his tension away.

Jeongguk stays under the water until it’s cold, his skin wrinkled by the time he comes out of the shower. Yugyeom hasn’t arrived yet, and Jeongguk is thankful to be able to walk around naked, even if for just a little while.

Once he’s all dressed and ready to doze off for at least twelve hours (or so he expects), his phone rings. He hurries to take it, heart fluttering in anticipation, already indulging himself into thinking this could be the one person he can’t seem to get out of his head.

The screen lights up with “Mum,” and Jeongguk takes a deep breath before answering.

“Hey, mum,” he says, shyly. It’s been a while since they talked and Jeongguk wasn’t expecting her call.

Hi, sweetie! I’ve missed you so much! You haven’t called in ages,” she says, all sweet and kind, and Jeongguk feels like shit. “How have you been?

“I’ve missed you too, mum,” Jeongguk tells her sincerely. He really did. “I’ve been okay,” he lies. “Just… studying a lot, you know? For finals and everything. College’s been pretty busy.”

Have you been eating? You’re not overworking yourself, are you?” she asks, and Jeongguk just rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, mum, I’m eating just fine. And no, I’m definitely not overworking myself,” he says pointedly, think back to all of those sleepless nights fueled only by bad coffee and willpower.

"Don't use that sarcastic tone on me, Jeongguk, I'm your mother." She doesn't sound mad, yet Jeongguk still feels like a kid being scolded. In some ways, that’s exactly what’s happening.

"I'm sorry," he sighs, rubbing his eyes as he stares at the ceiling. "I'm sorry I haven't called, either. It's been very stressful lately."

"It's alright, honey. I just haven't heard from you in a while, I wanted to check if you were okay." Her tone is gentle, soothing even. Jeongguk gets an incredibly nostalgic sensation, chest constricting as she continues, “Also I have some great news!

“Did dad get that promotion he really wanted?”

Even better!” she squeals, voice two notches higher. Jeongguk is honestly scared to ask. He doesn’t remember ever hearing her sound so excited. He waits a beat, then she says, “Your brother is getting married!

Jeongguk just shrugs. “Cool.”

What do you mean ‘cool’? I said your brother is getting married, Jeongguk, you should be happy for him!

“Well, I am!” And Jeongguk is, of course, happy for Junghyun. Marriages simply aren’t his thing. “I’ll text him later to congratulate him on the wedding, alright?”

You better. He’s very excited about it and so are we,” she says, all sweet again. “My baby is getting married! In a few years I’ll be an old lady with grandchildren. Can you believe that, Gukie? Soon it will be you! Hurry up and find yourself a nice girlfriend too, okay?

And just like that, Jeongguk's night is ruined.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, mum. Huh, you know what? I think I'm gonna call him right now!" Jeongguk's fingers are clammy and he wants to throw up.

"But, Gukie, wait—"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," he adds, hearing the faintest groan on the other side of the line as his mom says goodbye. Jeongguk disconnects with a click, turning off his phone to avoid another unexpected call.

Jeongguk's breath is heavy, his body is shaking, and he suddenly has the urge to cry. All it took was one word from his mother to break down all the walls he had built around himself.

He's been trying to dodge this subject for the past two weeks in a desperate attempt to forget about it. Regardless of how much he tries to pretend he doesn't have feelings for Jimin, they continue there, growing in shape, size, and intensity; consuming him without leaving trails behind. There's no denying it anymore. Still, there's so much Jeongguk doesn't know, nor does he comprehend.

How would this work? Does he like boys or just Jimin? Is he ready to fully accept this part of himself? If he likes boys, how is that going to affect his relationship with his family? Would they accept him? Would they still love him?

So many questions,  but so few answers.

Jeongguk is just one of those guys who lives on the edge, doing what they can how they can whenever they can. Fears nothing, learns fast, and is a genuinely good person. But here he is, fucking terrified of his parents’ reaction if they were to find out about his sexuality.

Going back to Busan with someone to introduce to his family never really went through his mind. At least, not for the time being. Jeongguk hasn’t been ready to commit or get in a serious relationship, but when his mother mentioned a girlfriend, Jeongguk couldn't see himself with anyone else but Jimin by his side.

Which is pretty fucking stupid because Jeongguk is full of feelings he doesn't understand, has absolutely no idea if Jimin even likes him, and he's never, ever dated a guy before. This is all new to him, and confusion, self-doubt, and a lot of what Jeongguk can only describe as trepidation cling to him like a plague and no matter how much he tries to push it aside and move the fuck on, he can't. He just can't do it.

So he tosses in bed, rolling over his lousy sheets until he finds a comfortable position. He faces the wall and curls himself into a burrito of sadness, emotions he has yet to fathom, an anxious heart beating really, really fast, and lets his frustration take over.

He cries that night for the first time in three years, lastly being that painful day when he kicked a table so hard he broke his little toe. That had hurt so fucking much he cried for two whole hours.

Pain is easier to deal with. But this? This is worse.

 

 

 

ACCEPTANCE

Jeongguk finishes his last exam on a Friday afternoon with a comical yet very dramatic sigh.

His wrist is sore, his palms are sweaty, and he’s positive that he got two or three questions wrong. Jimin did his best teaching him what he could, but there’s only so much of algebra a guy can learn in the short span of a little more than two weeks anyway.

Even if he hadn’t been so obsessed with Jimin’s lips (or Jimin, per se), Jeongguk knows he wouldn’t have learned all that much.

At least he’s finally fucking done with finals and he can heavily sigh as much as he wants, for as long as he feels like.

After his breakdown that night, Jeongguk can’t even spare a glance for Jimin without going back to that miserable point of his life. Which Jeongguk regrets deeply, because looking at Jimin is something he’s been shocked to discover that he likes doing very much.

Not being able to decide if he was glad or actually sad that their lessons were over, Jeongguk thanked Jimin quietly during their last session with a nod full of things he wishes he had the courage to say. But Jeongguk swallowed them down, along with the itchy urge to reach out to touch him.

He doesn’t dwell much on the tint of sadness he’d seen in Jimin’s glistening eyes behind his glasses or the way his mouth pulled up in a tight smile in return.

Despite Jeongguk’s odd behavior, Jimin had made him promise to text him once he’d gotten his results. Jeongguk’s heart twisted; he’d agreed in less than a heartbeat.

As he leaves the classroom, anxiety is already filling his veins and attaching itself to his mind. There’s a restless feeling boiling in his veins, like some kind of urgency to fast forward a few days from now in order to know whether he passed or not. He can’t fail, because if he does, then he’ll be failing not only himself, but also Jimin. He’d rather not face the disappointment.

Really, it’s not like Jeongguk had any free time to spare and spend going through Jimin’s notes again. He’d had to hurry to submit all of his assignments on time, even though some of them would barely get him a good grade. With no other choice left, he’d handed them over wishing for the best. You only live once, he supposes.

So when Jeongguk checks his grades almost one week later, he can’t quite believe what he sees. He blinks once, twice, but the 73% in math keeps popping on his screen.

The first thing he does as he takes in the news is text the only person he can think of right now.

 

 

[Thursday, 5:32pm]

 

Jeongguk

[Image Attached]

holy shit

i passed

 

Jimin

oh my god jeonggukie :O

73%?

i’m so proud of you!

 

Jeongguk

i wouldn’t have done it without u hyung

so thank u for saving my ass

ur the real mvp here

 

Jimin

stop it!

give yourself some credit

you’re the one who did it

 

Jeongguk

yea w ur help

how else would i know how to factor an equation

ur the best tutor i’ve ever had

 

Jimin

tell you what

i’ll take the compliment if you accept having dinner with me tomorrow?

 

Jeongguk

oh

u rly meant that dinner thing?

 

Jimin

of course i did!

come on

let me treat you to some nice food

as a congratulations gift for passing

what do you say?

 

Jeongguk

u rly don’t have to do that for me hyung

it’s okay!!

if anything i should be the one treating u w dinner

as a thank u gift

 

Jimin

shush

i’m your hyung and i’m the one paying

just say yes please?

 

Jeongguk

okay but only if you let me pay for half of it >:|

 

Jimin

we’ll see about that :)

it’s a date then

 

Jeongguk

yea haha date!!

sure

 

 

By the time Jeongguk gets to the small, cozy barbecue house near campus that Jimin had suggested last night, he’s early by at least fifteen minutes. Antsy, he waits outside, checking his outfit again. There’s nothing that could potentially stand out visually, since it’s his everyday go-to clothes. But it’s different from what Jimin is used to seeing him wearing, none of that hoodies-and-sweatpants shit. Jeongguk chose to go with his casual white t-shirt, dark green bomber jacket, black skinny ripped jeans, and a pair of worn-out Timberlands.

He knows he looks good, and that Jimin has seen the worst of him, with dirty laundry, unwashed hair, and most likely smelly (he may or may not have done his full skin-care routine for the first time in god-knows-how-long, and his face has that whole smoothness concept that Jeongguk loves, his hair is hydrated and perfectly styled, plus he even managed to get rid of the unwelcomed pimples that had shown up on his forehead). Yet self-consciousness about his looks is a Jeongguk Thing, he supposes, so he checks himself one more time before giving up.

Jeongguk can’t go back to his dorm to change and it’s not like he’s trying to impress Jimin on this totally non-romantic, no-homo date. At least that’s what Jeongguk is repeating to himself like a mantra in his head, but even if he were to voice it out loud, Jeongguk is well-aware that it definitely wouldn’t help to ease up the tension in his shoulders or the frantic rhythm of his heart. Lying was never really much of choice anyway.

He’s so nervous that he doesn’t notice Jimin crossing the street until he’s right in front of him, same blinding smile spreading across that incredibly annoying, beautiful face of his.

“Hey,” Jeongguk says, short of breath.

“Hi, Jeonggukie.” Jimin pushes his glasses up his nose and Jeongguk finds himself following the movement. “Did I make you wait for too long?”

Jeongguk tsks, rolling his eyes, and lies for the second time this night. “Nah, I just got here, actually.”

“Ah, great! I was so worried I wouldn’t arrive in time,” he tells him, relieved. Jeongguk sizes Jimin up for a quick second—he’s stunning, as usual. The roots of his hair are starting to show underneath the blond, but Jeongguk thinks it’s quite a good look on him. Jeongguk has also never seen Jimin go anywhere without looking like he’s a page out of a fashion magazine, so it’s no surprise that today isn’t any different. Either way, Jimin’s smile only seems to get wider as he speaks. “We should get inside. I’m so hungry, I could eat a whole cow.”

Jeongguk lets out a nervous laugh, hoping Jimin can't hear the rapid beats of his heart. It goes like that for the rest of the night; Jeongguk manages to not have a heart-attack whenever Jimin giggles at his lame jokes (he has Seokjin to thank for that. Too bad he hasn't seen him all that much lately), they talk like old friends, and Jeongguk learns that he is actually very comfortable being himself around Jimin. Satoori slips into their speech after a while and they don't realize it until the waitress comes to take their order and asks them if it's their first time in the city.

She's pretty, exactly the type Jeongguk would make a move on, and she keeps leaning towards his side, eyelashes fluttering every time she speaks. It’s a shame, though. If Jeongguk wasn't so focused on Jimin and Jimin alone (that's another lie, of course, because Jeongguk has been staring at Jimin’s lips the whole night, imagining how soft they would feel against his own if he dared to close the distance between them. He doesn't. Unfortunately.) he wouldn't mind asking her phone number. From the way she coyly tucks her hair behind her ear, she's probably giving it to him anyway.

Jimin doesn't seem to notice. If he does, he doesn't say anything.

It's easy to be with Jimin and, no, that has nothing to do with Jeongguk’s desire to kiss him. Jeongguk tells Jimin about the things he likes, mentions his friends, and gets a full body laughter from Jimin as he recounts some of Namjoon's clumsy antics. He tells him everything that comes to mind at that moment, like why he came to Seoul and how he chose to become a publicist in the first place.

“I've always thought it was so cool how much you can say with the just the right combination of things, you know?” Jeongguk says, rather enthusiastic. “Like… Every color you choose means something for the person seeing your ad. Even the font you decide to go with tells a different story. It makes them feel, determines whether they are going to buy a product or not. It's kinda awesome to be able to do that, don't you think?”

“Yeah, I do,” Jimin replies, voice so smooth it makes Jeongguk’s ears burn. His eyes are sparkling under the dim light above them and it shows in the way Jimin tilts his lips in a cute, soothing smile as he listens to Jeongguk’s rant. “You're going to be great at whatever you do, Jeonggukie.”

Jeongguk looks away, face heating up as he mutters a simple “thank you” before he redirects his attention to messing with the food on his plate instead of eating. There must be a perfect amount of cuteness a guy can deal with without actually bursting into flames.

 

 

Dinner is fun for the most part. Having to watch Jimin licking away the barbecue sauce remains from the corner of his tasty lips, however, is just pure torture. Specifically for Jeongguk’s own sanity, which is already doomed, since he's probably not going to get any sleep thinking about it later. Another lie, because Jeongguk’s dick twitches in interest and he knows he’ll end up jacking off to that image at some point. And that’s another reason why Jeongguk thinks this is legitimately unfair, boner already growing under his jeans. Thankfully, Jimin can't see it from where he sits on the other side of the table.

Jimin drinks at least three bottles of soju all by himself while Jeongguk sips on his beer in awe. They eat until they’re bloated and the sight of food is enough to make them grunt. The waitress comes back with the bill and a little note with what seems to be her number. Jeongguk was right. This time, it doesn't go unnoticed because then Jimin is smirking, gazing knowingly deep into Jeongguk’s eyes. He flushes, and Jimin scoffs playfully, taking his wallet from his pocket.

“Hyung, I told you we should split,” Jeongguk starts, reaching for Jimin’s hand. It’s so small under his that Jeongguk wonders if Jimin would even be able to close his chubby fingers around his cock without needing two hands to do it.

Jimin shakes his head, already giving his credit card to the waitress. “And I told you I'd buy you dinner. So this one is on me,” he says and bats his lashes teasingly. “You can pay for our next date, if you want.”

Jeongguk chokes, big doe eyes widening. The pretty waitress gasps, looking away from the table. Jimin only stares at him, quirking his brows as if he hadn't said anything that could potentially kill Jeongguk or something.

He's waiting for an answer and Jeongguk might as well give him one. “I'd like that,” he whispers, but Jimin hears him loud and clear.

Giggling, Jimin stands up, leaving a dumbfounded Jeongguk behind. He bows to the waitress before he does the same and rushes after him.

Leaning against the wall, Jimin is waiting for him. “There you are.”

Seoul nightlife is buzzing, busy and loud just as every other night, despite the cold breeze and the outline of grey clouds covering the dark sky above them. Jimin has both of his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, looking nothing less than beautiful. No, he is beautiful. Jeongguk wants to tell him just that, but instead, what comes out of his mouth is, “I know you're glossypjm.

“You what?

“Uh, I m-mean,” Jeongguk tries, stumbling on each word, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know, your... your channel?”

Jimin narrows his eyes, alarmed. “How the hell do you know about that?” Jeongguk didn’t even notice the proximity between the two of them. There’s a glint of fear in his eyes that Jeongguk wishes he had never put there in the first place.

“That’s... uh...” His voice falters, expression twisting in shame and ears heating up. “...kind of a long story.”

“I see,” Jimin says, crossing his arms.

This is it. This is where Jeongguk meets his creator and says goodbye to this cruel, ruthless, mortal world, turned into dust by the soft, baby hands of one Park Jimin (if Jimin doesn’t kill him, Jeongguk’s out to do it himself for his own stupidity. Who the fuck even blurts out this kind of information like that?)

His heart is racing with anticipation as he watches Jimin’s face go from bewilderment to anger then amusement. Jimin is so close Jeongguk wants to kiss him. He’s so fucked.

Jimin is smiling like he always does, pushing his glasses up his adorable button nose. He steps away, Jeongguk still smelling the alcohol they had been drinking lingering on his breath when he says, “I guess that actually explains a lot.”

“Huh?” Jeongguk was ready for some kind of retaliation, not any more of Jimin’s puzzles. “What are you talking about?”

“Your obsession with my lips,” Jimin explains, cocking his head to the side. “You’re not exactly subtle about it. Like, even now.” He lowers his tone, walking up to Jeongguk. Jeongguk is a weak man with no self-control whatsoever, therefore he just gulps and does nothing as Jimin closes the space between them. The guy is such a fucking tease that he keeps licking his bottom lip like this simple action isn’t enough to break Jeongguk in half. “You do realize you’ve been staring at my mouth this whole time, don’t you?”

“Whaaaat?” Jeongguk averts his and drawls the syllables out. “This… I… I mean! I have not!

“You’re cute, Jeonggukie,” Jimin says, backing away again. “Really cute. I’ll give you that.”

Jeongguk feels the tension thick in the air around them. He swallows the lump in his throat in a desperate attempt to breathe properly again until he reaches the conclusion that as long as Jimin is around, that’s not going to happen any time soon. His mind is a complete blank canvas, so he doesn’t say anything, allowing the flames to spread through his entire body.

Jimin chuckles. “What’s the matter, Jeonggukie? Cat got your tongue?”

Jeongguk’s mouth opens and closes in a matter of seconds. If his old, confident self could see him now… “You’re not mad at me?” he asks, not sure why.

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

“Dunno.” Jeongguk shrugs. “For finding out about your channel? Thought you wanted it to be a secret, I guess.”

“I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m not flattered, having you watching me,” Jimin says, grinning.

Jeongguk suppresses a cough, trying to keep it together. “I… I mean, well, you see…”

“Relax, Gukie. It’s not like I’m going to bite you or anything,” Jimin tells him, lightly touching his arm. At this point, Jeongguk could be imagining things, so there’s no way of knowing whether Jimin really just squeezed his biceps with hidden intention or not. But then Jimin leans over, inclining his head to reach his ear. Jeongguk shudders. “Unless you want me to.”

Jeongguk escapes from Jimin’s grasp, panicking. “Ahh, okay! I have to, uh, you know. Go study? Yeah. Time to go.”

“Sure you do,” Jimin says, stepping back and shoving his hands back into his pockets.

“I had a great dinner. Thanks for paying me. I gotta go. Bye,” Jeongguk babbles, muddled words not even making any sense. It’s too late, though, because he’s already walking away from Jimin like the coward he’s grown to be nowadays.

“Hey, Jeongguk!” Jimin calls and Jeongguk stops mid-step, turning around. Jimin is still standing there in all his glory, wearing that shiny smile for him. This imagery will haunt him in his dreams, Jeongguk is positive about it. “Not sure if anyone told you, but finals are over.”

“I said study?” Jeongguk lets out a nervous laugh and says the most ridiculous excuse that comes to his head, “I meant I need to water my fish!”

Not waiting for a reply, Jeongguk spins on his heels and runs. Jimin’s echoing laughter sticks with him for most of the walk home.

 

 


[Saturday, 2:38pm]

 

Jimin

hey jeonggukie

i just wanted to say i had a really great time yesterday

 

Jeongguk

me too hyung

i hope things won’t get too awkward between us bc of the… u kno

thing

 

Jimin

you mean my makeup channel? lol

 

 

Jeongguk

well yeah?

what else would it be haha

 

Jimin

i don’t know

maybe the staring at my lips thing? :P

 

Jeongguk

i did not do such a thing

ever

nope

dunno what u talking abt

 

Jimin

i’m only kidding gukie

i actually wanted to ask you if you’re doing something later tonight

 

Jeongguk

my plans involved stuffing myself with lots of food and proceed to die afterwards

why

 

 

Jimin

well

wanna come to a party instead?

 

Jeongguk

that depends on who’s hosting it

i’m never going to one of those weird ass indie parties hyojong throws ever again

 

Jimin

lmao

would it change anything if the party is at my place?

 

Jeongguk

dunno

don’t like u all that much

 

Jimin

are you sure?

or you just like my mouth?

 

Jeongguk

would u look at the time!!!

my fish needs water

 

Jimin

you’re impossible

but still cute

here’s my address

party starts at 8 if you decide to show up

 

Jeongguk

if my fish doesn’t drown

then i might go

who knows

what the future holds for us

 

Jimin

i hope to see you tonight jeonggukie

<3

 

Jeongguk

since i’m so requested

fine

i’ll be there

 

Jimin

good

who knows

you might end up enjoying the party more than you should :)

 

 

To say Jeongguk is just nervous would be a silly understatement, and also wrong. There’s a conglomeration of emotions going through Jeongguk's mind as he takes the uber to Jimin's apartment. Even though Jimin lives within a thirty-minute walking distance, the ten-minute drive is more appealing.

He spends the entirety of this unusually long ten-minutes picking at the dead skin around his nails, biting and chewing, and sometimes fidgeting with the buttons of his almost see-through shirt. He admits to going a little bit overboard with the outfit he's chosen for the night, the urge to impress still burning hot in his chest.

Jeongguk never felt a need to dress up like this for anyone before, which only makes him even more nervous thinking about the past three hours he'd spent with an extensive skin-care routine that he hasn't done since before he moved to Seoul several months ago, styling his hair in the most precise way, and trying on outfit after outfit until he decided on the one he's currently wearing. He's not entirely happy with it, but it will have to do. Jimin has seen him at his worst already, so there's no need to stress himself over something as trivial as this.

But his overall self-consciousness remains pretty strong about the way he looks and what Jimin will think when he sees him. A large part of that insecurity has to do with the fact that Jeongguk has yet to understand what the fuck Jimin feels for him.

Judging by the occasional smirks, the teasing behavior, and the sudden invitation to this party, Jeongguk's brain tells him Jimin might, indeed, like him too.

Jeongguk is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't even notice the car has pulled up in front of a weird-looking apartment complex until the driver clears his throat. Jeongguk’s face burns in embarrassment when he realizes they’ve been parked there for a while. He bows once he's out of the car and waves the guy goodbye. Through the glass, he can see him rolling his eyes, muttering something Jeongguk never had the chance to hear. Probably for the better.

He wastes no time after that, taking a deep breath and rubbing his sweaty hands on his ripped jeans. With a disgruntled “fuck it,” Jeongguk goes in.

A catchy electronic pop song that Jeongguk knows the lyrics of all too well (what can he say, he's a pop fan, sue him) is blaring through the speakers inside, but Jeongguk can hear it perfectly while he climbs the stairs step by step. It gets louder as he goes up, up, up.

It's an old building and every time the beat drops, the floor trembles, and Jeongguk can feel it under his black boots.

When he reaches the fourth floor, apartment 42, he lifts his fist to knock on the white-cream door. He doesn't get the chance to do it, though, the door opening literally seconds before he can.

“No, I told you we're out of fucking Cheetos! How can we have a party if there aren’t any fucking Cheetos? What else are we supposed to feed guests? Pringles? ”A tall, good-looking guy leans against the doorframe, a bottle of beer in one hand as the other holds the door open. He’s grinning, glossy eyes shining in Jeongguk’s direction.

“What do we have here?” He asks. It’s a rhetorical question, more to himself than for Jeongguk to actually respond.

“Uh,” Jeongguk says, scratching his chin. “Hi? I’m Jeongguk. Jimin invited me.”

“Jeongguk?” The guy straightens up, smile widening considerably. From where he stands, Jeongguk can’t tell if the highlights mixing with brown throughout his bangs are blue or green. Maybe both. “Jimin was right. You are cute. Also really hot. Damn.”

Jeongguk suppressess a quiet cough, blushing. “Excuse me?”

“See? Cute,” the guy coos, pulling his arm back and making way for Jeongguk to pass. “Come in, Jiminie is,” he looks around the room, gives up and tsks, “somewhere, probably. I’m Taehyung, by the way. I’m sure you know all about me already.”

“Sorry, I don’t. Are you Jimin’s friend too?” Jeongguk says, louder this time to overcome the music, feeling hot all over with how Taehyung’s eyes never seem to leave him.

“I can’t believe he never mentioned me once! Friendships these days…” Taehyung grumbles, closing the door behind them. “Anyway. I’m his roommate. I gotta run to get some more snacks. Drinks are there.” He points left, and Jeongguk sees a least a dozen people gathered around what seems to be the kitchen. “Make yourself at home, I guess. If you find Jiminie, tell him I’m out, okay? Thanks.”

Jeongguk doesn’t have the chance to reply. Taehyung turns on his heels, already out the door, leaving him standing there with a dumbstruck expression.

 

 

Jimin's place is crowded with at least thirty-something people, or more. He scans the room but he doesn’t really recognize anyone at first. Jeongguk’s high-key anxiety is buzzing inside his chest and he’s going to need a drink, or maybe five, if any more weird encounters like the one with Taehyung happen throughout the night.

He goes to the kitchen, dodging drunk, dancing bodies on his way. Jeongguk sighs in relief when he spots Seokjin pouring vodka into his cup in the back.

“Seokjin-hyung!” Jeongguk exclaims, swimming through the sea of people till he gets to him. Seokjin looks up, cheeks flushed in a sign that he’s way past the point of no return. He smiles, though, and Jeongguk is compelled to the same.

“Gukie! Oh my God, it’s been so long! I didn’t know you’d be here,” Seokjin says as well as he can, sipping on his drink before wrapping his arms around Jeongguk’s shoulders.

Jeongguk lets out a laugh, holding Seokjin in place. “Jimin-hyung invited me.”

“Who?” Seokjin asks.

“This is his party!”

“No, this is Seok’s party,” Seokjin says, frowning.

Jeongguk tilts his head to the side, confused. “But I thought Taehyung was his roommate.”

“Hoseok has a roommate?”

“No, Jimin does!”

“Jeonggukie, you’re not making any sense.” Seokjin giggles, the distinct smell of vodka lingering on his breath. “You know what you need? A drink!”

He unwraps himself from Jeongguk’s grasp, moving around the kitchen like he’s been there enough times to know exactly where everything is. That explains his state then.

Seokjin is done at lightning speed, offering the red plastic cup to Jeongguk with a cheeky grin. Jeongguk snorts, taking the cup with a nod. “Thanks, hyung,” he says before taking a sip. The bitterness that comes along with the vodka burning his throat makes his eyes screw shut, Jeongguk instinctively shaking his head as a shiver runs down his spine. “Holy shit, what is that?”

“Only my specialty,” Seokjin says proudly.

“Well, your specialty sucks,” Jeongguk murmurs, regretting drinking it at all.

Seokjin smacks his chest, a fake offended gasp leaving his mouth. “Show some respect for my incredible skills, Jeongguk!”

Jeongguk just rolls his eyes. “Have you seen Jimin around?”

“I think we’ve established already that I don’t know any Jimin.”

“Mhmm.” Jeongguk worries his lower lip, taking another sip. “Kinda short, blond hair, big round glasses?” Jeongguk tries, questioning, but Seokjin remains with the same blank expression. He shrugs and Jeongguk sighs. “You know, really nice skin and a great ass?”

“Sounds like you’re talking about me,” someone says, startling him.

All color leaves Jeongguk as he turns and ends up face to face with a smirking Jimin. Jeongguk’s jaw drops, accidentally allowing the remnants of his drink to dribble down his chin.

“H-hyung! That’s not. I mean,” Jeongguk stutters, almost dropping the cup and bringing his free hand to clean the mess he’s just made. Embarrassing himself in front of Jimin again: check. “Hi.”

“Hey, Jeonggukie,” Jimin greets, giving him the prettiest smile. Jeongguk gulps, scared that Jimin will be able to hear the increasing thumps of his heartbeat. Thankfully, the music continues to blast through the apartment, keeping other sounds muffled.

Jimin looks all sorts of beautiful and Jeongguk is at a loss of words. His hair is pastel pink now. Jeongguk even wants to touch it, find out if it’s as soft as it looks. Jimin isn’t wearing his glasses today; instead, Jeongguk is met with his bright, gorgeous eyes glistening under a considerable amount of makeup.

Jeongguk has seen enough tutorials to know the difference between eyeliner and eye shadow, and Jimin is using both; light shades of pink and gray smoothing the underline of his eyes, sharp cat-like eyeliner making his dark irises pop.

But what catches Jeongguk’s attention isn’t Jimin’s new hair color, the matching makeup or the clothes he’s wearing—a black lace button-up shirt, with an equally black leather pants.

It’s Jimin’s mouth, covered in a thick layer of red lipstick, and Jeongguk can’t breathe, the air suddenly too dry, lungs malfunctioning in his chest.

A lot of things go through Jeongguk’s head as his gaze falls on Jimin’s body. There is just one conclusion, however, that Jeongguk reaches that he’s surprisingly okay with, even if it means he’s fucked in more ways than he intended to be. Because Jimin is Jeongguk’s downfall, the only reason he can’t sleep at night, the vivid personification of his every wet dream, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do something about it.

“I hate to interrupt whatever weird thing is going on between you two but,” Seokjin says, breaking Jeongguk out of his reverie. “I’m Seokjin.” He waves and Jimin does the same.

“Sorry, that was rude of me. I’m Jimin,” he says.

“Look, we found Jimin! Jeonggukie here was looking for you,” Seokjin yells, bringing Jeongguk closer. A few drops fall from Seokjin’s cup over Jeongguk’s shoulder, its coldness making him jump. He sends Jimin an apologetic smile to which Jimin only giggles.

Jimin kinks his brows, usual smirk growing on his red lips. “Was he now?”

Seokjin has his mouth open, ready to blurt out something Jeongguk is sure will make him want to dig a hole and bury his head in, so Jeongguk chugs down the contents left in his cup, wills himself to grow some balls, and interrupts him right on time. “Wanna dance, hyung?”

He doesn’t wait for Jimin’s reply, taking his hand and dragging him out of the kitchen as gracefully as he can, considering there’s a whole bunch of people in his way. Jimin follows closely behind without complaining.

When they manage to reach the living room, Jeongguk’s grip on Jimin’s wrist eases up, letting him go. Jimin doesn’t move, though, too close for Jeongguk’s well-being.

It feels like every cliché in the book; the music changes to a rather slow, sensual one and Jeongguk can’t help but step forward, pressing their bodies together.  

“Your friend is funny,” Jimin tells him, bringing his fingers to Jeongguk’s neck, smoothing the fabric of his shirt down.

“He’s really something, I’ll tell you that,” Jeongguk snickers.

“I like him,” Jimin declares, dragging his nails along the gap at Jeongguk’s collar and it’s enough to light his body on fire.

He doesn’t know what to say and his head is a little cloudy already, the vodka settling in, so he just goes with the first thing that comes to his mind. “You dyed your hair.”

“I did,” Jimin’s hands slide down his arms, Jeongguk’s muscles twitching under his warm palms.

“It’s pink.”

“It is.”

“It’s pretty,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Mhmm,” Jimin hums. Jeongguk loses himself in the way Jimin’s plump lips look so tasty as Jimin licks over them. Jeongguk wonders if they would feel just as soft, just as juicy if he kissed them.

“Like you,” he says, bolder than he has ever been so far, closing his hands around Jimin’s waist. They move slowly, Jimin’s nose inches from his.

“Really?” Jimin doesn’t seem surprised, asking more as a triviality than anything.

“Really pretty,” Jeongguk agrees absentmindedly, unable to avert his attention from Jimin’s mouth.

He leans in, forgetting all about his doubts and accepting the inevitable. He wants Jimin so badly; he’ll do anything to have him. When he’s about to kiss him, Jimin turns around, back pressed against Jeongguk’s chest, leaving him nothing but short of breath.

“I’m glad you came tonight, Jeonggukie,” Jimin tells him, head laid back on Jeongguk’s shoulder as he grinds against him, pushing his ass back with the music. Jeongguk hisses, feeling himself getting hard in his underwear, tightening his grip on Jimin’s waist.

Jimin brings his hands up Jeongguk’s neck, fisting his fingers in the hair he can reach there. Jeongguk nuzzles Jimin’s skin near his earlobe and whispers, “Me too, hyung.” He continues down to a sensitive spot (Jeongguk learns as Jimin lets out a quiet gasp) under his jaw, tracing the area with his own lips.

“Do you like my makeup, Jeonggukie?”

Jeongguk is having a hard time keeping himself from picking Jimin up and kissing him silly. He nods, expecting Jimin will understand what he means.

“I did it for you.”

“For me?” Jeongguk asks, dizzy and high in his own lust. His hands travel over Jimin’s stomach, fingers threading into his shirt. Pulling the fabric aside, Jeongguk digs his nails into his skin.

Jimin grinds harder and Jeongguk lets him, circling his hips against Jimin’s, his own boner brushing Jimin’s plush ass.

“Mhmm. Knew you’d like to see me using it.”

“You were right,” Jeongguk tells him, risking a bite on his earlobe.

Jimin keens under his touch, baring his neck like he wants Jeongguk to sink his teeth into it. Jeongguk wants it, too. But then Jimin turns on his heels, leaving Jeongguk puzzled once again.

His eyes are pitch-black, but Jeongguk sees how they glimmer when Jimin looks at him. How his adam’s apple goes up and down when he gulps, licking over his lips once, twice. At this point, Jeongguk is going crazy. Crazy about Jimin, crazy for Jimin. He wants to kiss him, to fuck him, to wreck him.

“Jimin. Can I kiss you?” Jeongguk’s words are all but a whisper, but Jimin gladly hears them.

Jimin’s brows quirks and he smirks. “Thought you’d never ask.”

 

 

The kiss is rougher than it should be, more teeth than Jeongguk would like to have, but his nervousness fades as he pulls Jimin flush against him. Their tongues slide against each other, Jimin tasting like an incredible combination of alcohol and strawberries. Jeongguk thinks it’s the lipstick, but doesn’t dwell much on it, too busy exploring every corner of Jimin’s mouth, thinking he could probably live like this forever, relishing Jimin’s sweet flavor and the warmth his body provides.

Jimin’s fingers hook on the loops of Jeongguk’s jeans to bring him even closer, hips rolling against Jeongguk’s. Jimin’s cock is hardening too, Jeongguk can tell, nudging at Jeongguk’s half-hard one.

Jeongguk finds that Jimin’s lips are even softer than they look, their plumpness taking his mouth whole, sucking on his tongue. Jeongguk could very well get used to this, grow addicted to Jimin’s taste and kisses. It wouldn’t be a tough task, not with how good Jimin feels.

He bites on Jimin’s lower lip, trapping it between his teeth long enough to draw out a needy moan. Jeongguk swallows it down, kissing him again.

Jeongguk doesn’t want it to stop. Now that he knows what kissing Jimin feels like, he never wants to stop. But Jimin breaks the kiss, panting, forehead slightly touching Jeongguk’s as he breathes over Jeongguk’s mouth.

When their eyes meet, Jeongguk knows this isn’t over yet.

“Come with me,” Jimin demands, leaving no room for Jeongguk to say otherwise. He wasn’t going to anyway.

Jimin navigates them through the apartment, not once looking back, quick steps making Jeongguk rush behind him. The hallway is mostly filled with people laughing and talking, to which both of them pay no mind, Jimin continuing to lead them all the way to the back.

Opening the door to their left, they find a couple hooking up on the bed.

“Get out,” Jimin groans.

“Dude, what the fuck?” The guy asks, already standing up. The girl he was making out jumps, hurriedly fixing her shirt, and leaving the guy she was with to deal with them.

“I said get out,” Jimin repeats.

He scoffs at Jimin, running a hand through his hair.

“Do I have to say it again?” Jimin’s feet tap on the floor and the guy rolls his eyes, bumping into Jimin’s shoulder before he walks out of the room. Jimin wastes no time slamming the door shut, locking it afterward.

Jeongguk’s heart is racing, its loud thumps reverberating through his ribcage. He’s all alone with Jimin now, the music still blasting outside, but it’s nothing compared to the loud buzz in his ears and the impatient voice in his head telling him to press Jimin against the bed and fuck his brains out. He just might, given the opportunity. God, he really hopes so.

The room is similar to his own back in the dorms, apart from the fact that it has a king-sized bed instead of a single one and Jimin doesn’t have to share. It’s quite simple with its all-white decoration; the curtains, the furniture, even the bed sheets. The only thing that stands out to Jeongguk is the dressing table beside Jimin’s wardrobe, which is covered with all kinds of makeup. Jeongguk has no idea what they are and what they can be used for, but he can distinguish the lipstick bottles from the other products and, well, Jimin does own a lot.

He stares at it until he feels an arm wrapping around his waist from behind. Jimin radiates warmth and Jeongguk is already burning.

“So, where were we?” Jimin asks, that teasing tone dripping from his voice like honey.

Jeongguk spins to face Jimin, not wasting a single breath before he has his lips glued on Jimin’s again. It tastes even better than before, Jimin’s tongue swiping under his. Jimin hums into the kiss, and Jeongguk’s fingers close around Jimin’s neck, pulling a few strands of his hair.

Jimin moans and Jeongguk feels it to his bones, pulling harder until Jimin’s pretty sounds take over his mouth. Jeongguk is glad to receive all of them, sucking on his upper lip, then the lower one, sure that they will bruise in the morning. He licks over the seam, Jimin frantically grinding against his cock.

He’s so hard it’s borderline painful, and judging by the way Jimin keeps smashing their hips together, he might be too.

“Jeonggukie,” Jimin whispers between kisses, broken and needy voice making Jeongguk’s self-control crumble at last.

It’s all it takes for Jeongguk to snap. He picks Jimin up, getting a surprised gasp out of him that Jeongguk devours with another kiss. Jimin’s strong legs enclose around his waist as Jeongguk squeezes Jimin’s ass. He moves them to the bed, plopping down on the mattress with Jimin tucked underneath him.

They kiss until they can’t breathe, Jeongguk’s hands roaming all over Jimin’s body, fingers slowly creeping their way below Jimin’s shirt. He’s got Jimin shivering and moaning under him and it’s such an incredible feeling. Jeongguk replays his actions, thigh sneaking between Jimin’s legs as he grinds against Jimin’s hardening cock, seeking some sort of release from the friction.

Jeongguk inhales Jimin’s sweet smell once he reaches his neck after a good round of kisses and countless bites. He mouths along the underline of Jimin’s jaw down to his collarbones, nipping at the skin, imagining how beautiful Jimin would—will look, sporting the bruises he’s leaving behind. Jeongguk groans at the thought, already working the buttons of Jimin’s shirt open when Jimin’s hands stop him.

“G-gukie,” Jimin stutters. Jeongguk lifts his head up, staring at him. His pink hair is disheveled and stuck to his sweaty forehead. Jimin’s cheeks are tainted crimson, the shade similar to the one on his lips, still displaying the red lipstick, even though his mouth is bitten-swollen and Jeongguk hasn’t stopped kissing him since they got there.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Jeongguk asks, the pet name coming out unexpectedly. Jimin doesn’t seem to mind, blushing deeper, eyes closing as he takes a deep breath.

“Wanna suck you off,” he mumbles shakily, like that’s not the most obscene thing Jeongguk has ever heard. Like that’s not what Jeongguk has been dreaming about since the moment he came across glossypjm's channel.

Jimin always manages to make Jeongguk lost for words with his honesty, his sincerity, even when he’s tutoring, talking about numbers Jeongguk couldn’t care less about, teasing, or now, with shimmering eyes expectant as he waits for Jeongguk’s answer.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk says, withdrawing his body a bit, putting his weight on his elbows. “Okay.”

They switch positions; Jeongguk sliding to edge of the bed, back resting on the cold wall as Jimin hovers on top of him, knees on each side of Jeongguk’s legs.

“Been waiting to do this for so long,” Jimin hums, hurriedly unzipping Jeongguk’s pants. Jeongguk almost wants to laugh due to the irony of the situation. He could honestly say the same thing.

“Yeah?” he asks instead, stripped down of his insecurities and forgetting about all the anxiety and questioning that made his life a living hell for the past couple weeks. With Jimin’s small fingers shimmying his jeans off of him, Jeongguk accepts that this is exactly where he wants to be, where he will stay. There’s no point in holding back anymore. “How long?”

Jimin’s fingertips brush against the waistband of his underwear, pulling it down Jeongguk’s thighs. His cock is so hard already that it curves around his stomach, precome dribbling slowly from his length. Jimin whines at the sight, thumbing ever so slightly over Jeongguk’s slit, smearing precome on his index finger. He takes it to his mouth, suckling soundly. He murmurs, then, “Too long. Since that first day at the library. Would have let you come on my face if you asked.”

“Shit,” Jeongguk hisses, cock throbbing at the sound of Jimin’s finger popping out of his mouth. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? My cock fucking your throat where everyone could see?”

Jimin doesn’t need to reply, the heat spreading through his cheeks answering what Jeongguk already knows. Jimin pouts, though, hooded eyes glistening with shame as he timidly nods.

“What a fucking little slut you are, hyung.” Jeongguk smirks, letting go of his own inhibitions as he fists Jimin’s hair and drags his face to his cock. “I’m right here, baby. Put that pretty mouth of yours to work, then.”

Jimin keens at Jeongguk’s words, breath hitching once he’s got his hands on the base of Jeongguk’s cock, short fingers barely closing around its girth. He pulls at the foreskin before he takes Jeongguk whole. Jeongguk’s eyes roll to the back of his head, Jimin’s wet warmth engulfing his cock deeper each time.

“Fuck, Jimin,” he grunts as Jimin bobs his head up and down, pace quickening as he swivels his wrist, pumping Jeongguk’s cock with his palm alongside his mouth.

Having Jimin sucking him off is better than any dream, any imagery he had during his time pining over the guy behind his favorite makeup channel. It’s funny how he once thought the person he’d have on his knees for him right now would be a lot fewer muscles and a lot more hair. Despite his first reaction to Jimin’s identity, he wouldn’t change a thing about this moment.

Jimin hums as Jeongguk fucks his mouth thoroughly but still gently, cockhead touching the back of Jimin’s throat. The sound it makes has Jeongguk moaning too, grip tightening on Jimin’s pink hair.

He’s so out of it, he doesn’t realize he’s closed his eyes. When he opens them again, the vision is so heavenly (either that, or sinful), he fucks Jimin’s mouth deeper, faster. There’s a red shining path of precome and lipstick smeared on his cock amongst streaks of drool dripping from Jimin’s chin.

“Shit, baby. Look at you,” Jeongguk growls, relishing on the choking sounds Jimin’s smacking lips do as he takes his cock further down his throat. It’s so loud that the party happening outside feels like background noise to Jeongguk’s ears. Jimin pulls off for a brief moment, catching his breath before he’s licking a fat stripe from the base of Jeongguk’s cock to the head, sucking on its reddish skin and dipping his tongue into the slit hungrily. “Such a good cockslut. So pretty.”

Jimin whimpers at the praise (or the degradation, Jeongguk isn’t sure), hollowing his cheeks as he deepthroats Jeongguk’s dick one more time. He plays with Jeongguk’s balls too, swirling his tongue intentionally, tears prickling from the corners of his eyes.

This is by far the best head Jeongguk’s had in his entire life and he can’t seem to get tired of it, wanting more, more, and more. So he pistons his hips up, fucking Jimin’s mouth quickly, messily; loving seeing Jimin’s plump lips glistening with saliva, precome, and lipstick as his cock disappears into his wet heat, loving to see his dick dripping with a combination of it all.

“Jimin, I, fuck, I’m gonna…” It becomes too much too fast and Jeongguk lays his head back, hitting the wall as he intends to stop, but Jimin doesn’t, fingers trailing his cock as he continues to bob his head up and down, sucking with much more intent now.

Jeongguk is overtaken with an intense pleasure, dissolving into a moaning mess as he comes down Jimin’s throat. He feels like shattering, legs twitching, releasing himself into Jimin’s warm mouth. Jimin swallows every last drop, licking off the ones that slipped past his lips to his chin, not leaving any proof of Jeongguk’s white streaks behind.

Jimin has lipstick around his mouth, a little bit smeared on his right cheek. Jeongguk is breathless, high on his bliss, and he grabs Jimin by the neck, making him lean forward enough to reach him. Jeongguk kisses the remains of lipstick from Jimin’s skin, tasting himself on Jimin’s tongue once Jimin allows him in.

He’s never kissed anyone after a blowjob before, but he finds himself enthralled by the bitter taste lingering in every part of Jimin’s mouth. Jeongguk kisses him roughly, readily, until it hurts and neither of them can take it anymore, numbness sinking in.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Jeongguk mutters, nosing at Jimin’s cheek. “So fucking beautiful I could eat you up.”

“Why don’t you?” Jimin asks. The teasing tone Jeongguk has grown accustomed to is back within his hoarse tone, igniting an urge to please so strong, it makes Jeongguk groan.

He takes Jimin by the legs; Jimin hooks them around Jeongguk’s waist as he lifts him up, changing their positions to lay Jimin on the bed. Jeongguk’s still coming down from his orgasm, but the way Jimin looks at him with lust, want, and desperation has his cock stirring with interest again.

Jeongguk struggles a little to remove Jimin’s leather pants, so tight around Jimin’s toned thighs. His mouth waters at the sight, Jimin’s milky skin ready to be marked up. Jeongguk is more than happy to do so.

First, he needs to get Jimin out of his shirt. There’s no time to waste, and Jeongguk has never been an example of patience anyway. Ripping the fabric apart, buttons and all, however, might not have been initially in Jeongguk’s plans, but he smirks proudly when the little buttons scatter over the floor, their thump, thumps sounding dead to Jeongguk’s ears as Jimin gasps, back arching, eyes fluttering shut, chest heaving.

In the midst of the chaos outside and amongst white bed sheets, with flushed cheeks and pink hair, Jimin is everything Jeongguk has ever wanted.

“That was my favorite shirt,” Jimin says then, smiling.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk says, not sorry at all. There’s no guilt in his words or in his actions as he lavishly slides his tongue over Jimin’s chest, sucking on Jimin’s nipples tenderly, touch almost feather-like.

With girls, drowning in their boobs was always Jeongguk’s favorite thing to do. So he tries doing what he knows, nipping at the bud of Jimin’s right nipple while he twists the other. He, himself, is very sensitive to this kind of thing, he just hopes Jimin is, too. Considering the fact that Jimin squirms underneath him, pretty moans escaping his parted lips, raking his nails through Jeongguk’s hair, he might be doing something incredibly right.

He trails wet paths down Jimin’s belly button, loving how Jimin’s stomach clenches when his tongue swirls around it. Jimin flexes his legs up, giving Jeongguk enough space to work down his thighs, hot breath ghosting over Jimin’s hard, untouched cock.

Jeongguk bites the exposed flesh, Jimin’s voice faltering with every moan he lets out, but the second he tugs on Jimin’s underwear, disposing it somewhere around the room, he panics.

Jimin’s small cock is oozing with precome, waiting and twitching with the need to be touched. And it’s not like Jeongguk doesn’t want to touch it—there’s nothing more he wants to do, to be able to make Jimin come too, he just doesn’t know how.

He must’ve been staring for way too long, because then Jimin is asking, worried. “Is there something wrong?”

His face burns, and all of sudden, the confident Jeongguk is gone, replaced by the same anxious, scared, not-so-straight boy he’s been trying to overcome since he found out glossypjm's identity.

“Hey,” Jimin calls but Jeongguk’s eyes don’t meet his. “Jeonggukie, come on, look at me.” Jimin’s gaze burns holes into Jeongguk’s soul, and even though he refrains from looking up, he gives in once Jimin cups his cheeks. His lips set in a thin line, expression soft and adoring. Jeongguk wants to look away, but Jimin is hypnotizing. “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

“No!” Jeongguk says. “I want to, I just…” He lets out a sigh, running his hand through his hair. “I’ve never done this before.”

“I know.”

“What?”

“I’m the first guy you’ve ever been with, right?” Jimin asks gently. His voice is so soothing, Jeongguk feels like floating. Still, he frowns, not really getting where this is coming from. Jimin seems to notice his turmoil, so he says, “I may or may not have asked Namjoon-hyung about you. He said you thought you were ‘as straight as an arrow’, but you were getting there.”

Jeongguk’s jaw drops. “He said what?”

“His words, not mine.” Jimin giggles, stealing one, two, three kisses. Jeongguk allows him. “So it’s okay if you’re not ready. I understand.”

“I wanna do it,” he decides, words final. He pecks Jimin’s lips and whispers, “Just tell me what to do.”

Jimin snorts, smiling. “Alright then.”

He reclines back on the bed, spreading his legs and grabbing his cock, pumping it a few times. Jeongguk follow his motions, telling himself the sight isn’t boiling something in the pit of his stomach, mouth dry as he watches Jimin playing with himself.

“C’mere,” Jimin murmurs, free hand extended to him. Jeongguk takes it. Jimin lets go of his length, putting Jeongguk’s hand around it instead. “Do what you think you’d like on yourself. Don’t go too deep, ‘cause you gotta work on your gag reflex first. No biting, but I think you know that already. Scraping your teeth is okay if you do it gently. You can use your hands too.” Jeongguk squeezes a little and Jimin hisses at the new pressure, Jeongguk’s palm warm against his cock. “ Shit. Yeah. Like that.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk nods, memorizing his instructions. “Don’t go too deep, no biting, hands. Got it.”

Jimin bites back a laugh, nose scrunching. Jeongguk rolls his eye, acting annoyed, but he knows he’s more endeared than anything. Jeongguk’s eyes are fixed on Jimin’s dick, precome leaking easily from the slit to his hand.

“Jeonggukie,” Jimin says.

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry too much. We got all the time in the world.”

The implications of what Jimin just said is what makes Jeongguk’s heart swell, anticipating whatever might happen next. Tonight, tomorrow, and all the other days afterward. If it’s up to him, nights like these, with Jimin by his side, will become as natural as breathing. Jeongguk dives in without thinking, mouth wrapping around Jimin, cock heavy under his tongue.

It’s completely different than eating pussy, Jeongguk discovers. Bitter, but just as nice.

“Mhhm, just like that, Gukie. Slowly.”

He tries to remember everything Jimin has previously done to him, copying the way his tongue has swirled around Jeongguk’s cockhead, kittenish licks making his whole body tremble. Jimin’s dick is relatively smaller than Jeongguk’s, so it’s easier to stuff him whole inside, choking out when the tip reaches the back of his throat.

“A-ah! Fuck. Careful, baby.”

He wants to go deeper, but Jimin has warned him against it, so he doesn’t. There will be plenty of chances to suck Jimin off like he wants to.

Jimin’s cute whimpers only serve as a boost to Jeongguk’s confidence, licking, kissing, and swallowing him faster. His hand is big enough to cover more than half of Jimin’s cock and he strokes it the way he often does to himself, getting more and more wanton moans from Jimin.

“G-Gukie, ah, shit,” Jimin mumbles, legs twitching. “Fuck… Fuck me, please.”

Jeongguk stops, giving one last suck on the tip, precome stuck to his tongue. He lifts his head to Jimin’s eyes level, finding them wet with unshed tears. There’s drool pooling at the corners of his mouth. It’s sinful, really, seeing Jimin like this, pliant and spread out for him; his words are worse though, going straight to Jeongguk’s hardening cock.

“Are you sure?” He already knows the answer, but he still needs to ask.

“Wanna come with you inside,” Jimin says.

Jeongguk gulps, eyes widening and head spinning. More awake than he’s ever been. “Condoms and lube?”

“Bottom drawer.” Jimin barely finishes his sentence as Jeongguk is already up, shuffling around to get what he needs. In the meantime, he also takes his shirt off, the only piece of clothing left on his body. He comes back to bed with the small bottle in one hand, the condoms in the other. Jeongguk gives himself a few light pumps to full hardness, rejoicing on the feeling.

Jimin is waiting, biting his lower lip. There are traces of his red lipstick all over it and Jeongguk wants to lick them off. Putting the condom on, he asks, “I have to prep you, right?”

Jimin’s eyes turn a shade darker. “Mhmm, not really.”

Jeongguk tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Kneeling, Jimin gets on all fours, ass up right where Jeongguk can see. With his fingers, he spreads his cheeks open, showing something black snuggled inside his hole.

“Holy shit, is that—?” Jeongguk can’t breathe properly, unable to believe his eyes.

“A butt plug?” Jimin giggles, pushing the plug in. He turns his head to Jeongguk and says, “Wanted to be ready for you.”

“You knew I’d come?” Jeongguk’s fingers itch to touch Jimin’s ass, so he does, squeezing it.

“I was hoping so. But more like inside of me.” Jimin snickers, quirking his brows. “Care to take it out?”

Jeongguk wets his lips, blinking a few times before the request finally settles in. There’s a tiny loop in the middle of the device and Jeongguk pulls it, taking the plug out. It comes with a wet pop, Jimin’s hole clenching around nothing, a considerable amount of lube dripping from the plug and his ass, down to his thighs as he whines at the loss. The plug is bigger than Jeongguk imagined and his mind wanders, thinking about how well Jimin is going to take him, since he could fit this thing inside for so long, not once complaining.

Jeongguk presses one finger in, blood rushing through his veins as he watches Jimin’s ass swallow it with ease, Jimin keening when Jeongguk adds another one.

“Jeonggukie, please, p-please,” Jimin begs. “Fuck me, please. Come on, please. Just fuck me already. Need you so much, please.”

There’s nothing Jeongguk can do except oblige. The bottle opens with a click and Jeongguk pours lube all over his length, smearing it down from the head to the base. When he’s done, he cleans his fingers on Jimin’s skin, digging his nails on his waist as he pulls his body closer, Jimin wailing at the sudden move.

“What an eager little slut. Can’t even wait for my cock, can you, hyung?”

Jimin shakes his head. Jeongguk smiles.

He positions himself between Jimin’s legs, lining the head right up against his puffy entrance. Jeongguk pushes in, slowly, cock stretching his way past the rim of muscles, Jimin’s tightness completely engulfing him.

High-pitched moans fill the room when Jeongguk bottoms out, breath unsteady as he waits for Jimin to get used to the stretch. Jimin has his head buried in one of the pillows, hands curled into fists as he grips the sheets. His mouth is open and there’s drool staining the pillowcase.

If Jeongguk thought having Jimin’s lips on his cock was a heavenly, out of this world, experience, having Jimin’s hole clenching around the base, spreading warmth all over him, might just be what going to hell feels like. Jeongguk has never been one of the good ones, anyway.

His eyes flutter shut, enjoying the feeling for a moment. Then, Jimin is moving, meaty ass slapping against Jeongguk’s thighs, taking him deeper. He feels his whole body burning, pulse increasing when he pulls out just a little. Jeongguk thrusts once, twice, and so many times after; Jimin yelps, back arching whenever Jeongguk’s cock slides in and out of him.

“You got yourself a tight little hole there, hyung,” Jeongguk mumbles, picking up speed as he pounds into Jimin. His hands wrap around Jimin’s hips, pulling him flush against his cock, burying himself further into Jimin’s ass. “So fucking tight. Tighter than any pussy I’ve had.”

Jimin mewls, humping on Jeongguk’s cock, helping with the pressure. Jeongguk leans over him, tongue delving into the column of his neck, down his collarbones, nipping at the skin as he matches his thrust with each bite. Jimin can’t stop moaning and Jeongguk can’t let go either, holding him closer.

“Better too. So much better than any pussy, hyung,” Jeongguk licks over Jimin’s ear, groaning. “I’m gonna fuck you until you can’t take it anymore, hyung. Gonna fill you up so good you’ll be able to feel me for days.”

Jeongguk blocks everything out, relishing Jimin’s broken whimpers for once. The party outside is long forgotten, and his focus is solely on the way Jimin’s muscles flex every time he fucks him harder, the way his body fits perfectly under him, the way his ass seems to have been born to take and take and take. Jeongguk is more than ready to give. And give is what he does, fucking Jimin so rough and hard, tears threaten to escape Jimin’s closed eyes.

His hands dance over Jimin’s toned arms, scratching along the skin and down to his thighs, spreading him further. The new position allows Jeongguk to reach the deepest corners of Jimin’s walls, hitting his prostate over and over again. Jimin is almost laying in the bed now, the soft fabric of the bed sheets caressing his skin while he ruts all over it, small cock throbbing in pain and perky ass up for Jeongguk to fuck.

Jimin squirms, his cute noises mixing with the squelch of Jeongguk’s balls against his ass. Jeongguk swears he’s never heard anything so pretty yet so particularly obscene in his life, but he’d gladly spend every day listening to Jimin’s filthy, needy moans if he could.

“H-harder,” Jimin cries out. “God, G-gukie! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.” His voice falters at the end, fucking himself into Jeongguk’s cock thoroughly. “Make me yours, make me come. Just fucking fuck me .”

A big part of him wants Jimin to beg, to give Jeongguk the satisfaction of turning him into a submissive little bitch for his cock, like the moaning mess he already is, just so he can burn out with the same kind of arousal Jeongguk felt for the past month.

“Not so teasing now, huh?” Jeongguk sneers, chest swelling with urgency. “Don’t worry, baby, I got you.”

Jeongguk’s pace changes from messy and sloppy to deep, rough, and, more than anything, precise. He fucks into him so hard Jimin’s legs give out, Jeongguk’s knees buckling up just a bit to continue his movements, cock thrusting into Jimin so good, so right; Jimin’s only answer is to yelp helplessly.

There’s so much stimulation from Jeongguk’s hips pounding into him and his body jerking forward, that Jimin doesn’t even need to touch himself to come. He’s light-headed, dizzy, and his limbs tingle as feels waves of pleasure pooling in his belly.

“I’m, f-fuck. Gonna-ah!” Jimin doesn’t get to finish his sentence because his body shudders, his vision turns black and he’s coming.

Jeongguk feels Jimin’s spamming under him, hole clenching tightly around his cock, and the pressure is too much, but he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t until his hips hurt, until his hands have left purple bruises all over Jimin’s skin. He doesn’t stop until Jimin’s whining at the overstimulation as Jeongguk fucks him through his orgasm.

He doesn’t stop until his whole body goes numb as his cock twitches, releasing into Jimin’s ass, filling the condom up.

There is nothing he would have loved more than going absolutely raw, getting the chance to spurt his come inside of Jimin until he was full and dripping with it. But for the time being, he revels in how good it feels to have his cock nestled there, shockwaves racing through his bones.

Jeongguk slows down, fisting Jimin’s hair as he milks every last drop into the rubber, Jimin cursing under his tongue.

It takes a while for Jeongguk’s breath to calm down and once it does, he pulls out gently along with the condom. Jimin has turned to look at him now, chest heaving and messy stomach shining in white.

“There’s a trashcan next to the bed,” Jimin says, catching his breath.

Jeongguk nods, tying the condom and throwing it away. He swipes his forehead with the back of his hand before plopping down next to Jimin.

They are panting, sweaty, and dirty, but Jimin moves closer, without a single care in the world as he tangles their legs together and nuzzles against Jeongguk’s neck.

“Fuck, that was…” He starts, peppering kisses below Jeongguk’s ear. It tingles and Jeongguk smiles.

“Amazing,” Jeongguk finishes for him, nudging his head to the side, meeting Jimin’s eyes. His irises are still dark and blown, but where they once showed lust, now there’s only endearment.

Jeongguk hooks his arms around Jimin’s torso, one hand gently going over to his hair, fingers threading a few strands away, pushing his bangs aside. Jimin giggles, half-lidded eyes disappearing behind his flushed cheeks. Jeongguk leans in to kiss him. Jimin lets him.

“So nice,” Jimin hums, swollen lips so soft against Jeongguk’s.

“Mhmm,” Jeongguk mumbles in reply, expecting Jimin will understand that yes, he feels the exact same thing, but exhaustion is catching onto him. His mind is already somewhere else, dozing off, when a loud knock on the door startles them.

“Yo, Jiminie!” someone screams from the other side of the door. “I bought more Cheetos!”

Jeongguk snuggles against Jimin. “Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Taehyung bought Cheetos.”

“Okay.” Jimin closes his eyes when the tip of Jeongguk’s nose slightly touch his neck. But then Jeongguk’s words seem to settle in and he’s sitting on the bed, a cute frown wrinkling his forehead as he looks down at Jeongguk. “Wait, what? How do you know Taehyung?”

“Met him when I got here. He told me to tell you he went to buy more snacks,” Jeongguk says. “Guess he got his Cheetos after all.”

“Jiminie,” Taehyung sing-songs outside, knocking again. “Don’t turn down the Cheetos, man! It’s Cheetos, Jiminie, why are you being so mean? Come and have some Cheetos!”

“I think he wants you to eat his Cheetos, hyung.” Jeongguk’s lips quiver as he tries to contain his smile.

Jimin’s ears are burning with embarrassment, cheeks flushed red. “Oh, my God.” He flops on the bed again, hiding behind his arms. “I’m so sorry about him. I don’t even like Cheetos.”

“Have you told him that already?” Jeongguk asks, laughing freely now. Jimin pouts, smacking Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“Couldn’t. He really loves his Cheetos.”

“Jimin, Jiminie, my Jiminiiie! Are you there?” Taehyung continues. “Are you having sex? Is that cute guy with you, Jiminie? He’s reaaaally hot, Jiminie!”

Jeongguk can’t stop the laughter rumbling through his throat. Jimin whines, adorable pout intensifying. Jeongguk wants to lean and kiss it away, so he does.

“You wanna get out of here?” Jeongguk asks, a soft smile stretching across his face.

“God, yes! Please,” Jimin nods, already standing up.

They quickly clean the mess they’ve made. Jimin gives Jeongguk a box of tissues to wipe the dry come off of himself while Jimin does the same to his stomach (and, well, basically everywhere else).

“I can’t believe you’ve ripped my shirt,” Jimin mumbles to himself, picking up a black sweater from his wardrobe and putting it on.

“In my defense, the buttons were really hard to unbutton,” Jeongguk replies, shrugging. It’s a lie and they both know it.

“You didn’t even try!” Jimin’s voice rises a little, fading into a round of giggles. “You’re such a liar, oh my God.”

“And you like me anyway.” Jeongguk doesn’t think before he’s speaking, but when he realizes what he’s said, his eyes widen, mouth shutting immediately. He looks anywhere but at Jimin’s direction, sweat forming on his palms.

He doesn’t want to admit he’s scared about the possibility of Jimin rejecting him, but he’s glad when Jimin says, “I guess it’s your lucky day, then.”

 

 

When Jimin opens the door, Taehyung is already gone. There’s a pack of Cheetos on the floor and they both laugh before heading out.

The party is still going on like nothing has happened. Like they hadn’t spent the better of part of it locked in Jimin’s room doing all kinds of nasty things. Like Jeongguk’s life is still the same after one Park Jimin.

“Where do you wanna go?” Jeongguk asks once they’re outside. It’s a little bit chilly and he shudders.

“Are you hungry? There’s this really nice place a few blocks away from here that sells amazing chicken. It’s a streetside booth, so it should still be open right now.”

Jeongguk’s stomach growls. “Sounds perfect to me.”

 

 

They walk the entire way there in silence. It’s not so bad, Jeongguk realizes, more like comforting, somehow. Their hands brush a few times, the simplest touch of Jimin’s skin against Jeongguk’s making his whole body tingle. It’s nice, and Jeongguk finds that he likes this. He likes Jimin.

The little street tent has a couple of customers sitting around, and they choose the furthest table in the back. It’s cozy and warm, and they order two bowls of chicken and a bottle of soju, too.

The food doesn’t take too long to arrive. Jeongguk is ready to devour his entire plate within seconds, taking a huge bite, munching soundly to the taste.

“So,” Jimin starts, fixing them their drinks. “When are you going to tell me how you found out about my channel?”

Jeongguk chokes on his chicken leg. “What?”

“You know, how you found it in the first place and how you knew it was me. I’ve been trying to figure that out, but I’ve still come up with nothing.”

Jeongguk coughs, face tomato red. “Do you want the whole truth or should I spare myself the embarrassment and pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“Guk,” Jimin reprimands, tone gentle but inquisitive.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, chugs his shot down, and pours his mind out. He tells Jimin how he’s stumbled across his channel one day, how he’d thought Jimin was a girl, how he used Jimin’s videos to get off, how he recognized him by his lips, then panicked, cried, and panicked again. He rambles about everything and anything, Jimin sometimes laughing, sometimes narrowing his eyes, sometimes looking at him like he’s a baby deer who needs protection.

“That’s pretty much it,” Jeongguk finishes, taking another shot. He’s really not a fan of soju, but right now he’ll take what he can get.

Jimin’s staring at him, pretty eyes focused on his, and Jeongguk feels like he could explode.

“I can’t believe you thought I was a girl,” Jimin decides on saying then, scoffing and biting at his chicken.

Jeongguk sighs in relief, feeling the tension leaving his shoulders.

“It’s not my fault you don’t show your face on camera! You could’ve been literally anyone, okay? How would I know?” He shoots back, a little bit louder than he should, drawing attention to the pair.

Jimin leans on the table, one hand playing with Jeongguk’s hair. He coos. “You’re so cute, Jeonggukie!”

“Am not!” Jeongguk swats Jimin’s hands away, a not-so-offended pout on his lips. “Speaking of, why don’t you show your face? Wouldn’t it get you more views or something?”

“Well,” Jimin slumps in his chair and rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t do it for the views, you know? I also don’t mind people knowing it’s me either, I just…” Jimin stops for a second, lip caught between his teeth. “I mean, eyeshadow and concealer are something you can totally see a guy using nowadays. But lipstick? Not so much. And I love makeup, it makes me feel good about myself. Makes me feel pretty. I just don’t want anyone thinking less of me because of that. Being openly gay is already hard enough as it is, being openly gay with a red lipstick on would be twice as hard.”

Jeongguk’s heart clench inside his chest. He wants to offer some kind of advice, some kind of comfort but all he can do is give Jimin a small smile and reach for his hand, thumb drawing little circles on Jimin’s closed fist. After a while, he asks, “So, the skin product line you want to create… It’s makeup, right?”

“Mhm, it is. A lot of products are tested in animals and contain so many toxic ingredients, that instead of being beautiful, you’re kind of ruining yourself. I want people to be able to feel good about themselves without hurting others in the process. Cruelty-free, so to speak.”

“That’s so nice, hyung,” Jeongguk says, squeezing Jimin’s hand. “I’m sure you’ll come up with the best vegan makeup line in the market. You’re really smart, you know.”

Jimin snorts, eyes turning into half-moons as his cheeks rise up. “Thank you, Jeonggukie.”

Jeongguk feels light, heart fluttering as he watches Jimin’s every move. “You’re welcome.”

 

 

After that, conversation flows easily between them. They talk with their mouths full, they laugh over something silly the other said or did (Seokjin’s influence on Jeongguk is really notable in every lame excuse of a joke, but Jimin still cackles every time. Jeongguk might just love making Jimin laugh).

Putting the last chicken bone aside, Jimin says, “I have one more question for you.”

“Shoot.”

“Was it worth it?”

Jeongguk blinks, brows furrowed. “What was?

“Finding out I’m glossypjm.”

Jimin is wearing nothing but his heart on his sleeve as he waits. Jeongguk catches a glimpse of the real Jimin; the teasing, funny, and confident Jimin has no chance against the Jimin glaring earnestly at him, a little broken on the edges. Jeongguk wants to fix Jimin’s cracks, to put him back together. Jeongguk wants to kiss Jimin’s worries away. So he does.

The tent is almost empty by now, the two of them the only inconvenient customers staying, but even if the place was buzzing with people, Jeongguk would have still done the same. He leans over the table, hand cupping Jimin’s face gently before he plants one, two, and so many more kisses on Jimin’s soft, soft lips.

This Jimin is greater than the version that he had created in his head about the makeup artist he was obsessed with. Jeongguk has been so used to getting caught up in his dreams, but reality now seems like a way better alternative if Jimin is in it.

“Yeah,” he whispers, lips still hanging over Jimin’s. “It was.” Jeongguk kisses him again, grinning. “I have one more question for you, too.”

Jimin doesn’t say anything, eyes searching his for something Jeongguk is more than glad to give.

“Will you go out on a date with me?”

“What do you think we’ve been doing, Jeonggukie?” Jimin giggles, noise muffled by Jeongguk’s mouth.

“No, I mean, a real date. A hand-holding, arm on shoulder, stolen kisses kind of date.”

“In that case,” There’s a pause, Jimin tilting his head to think. Then, he’s beaming. “I’d love to.”