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Snapshots of a Bizarre Love Life

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How it started is anyone's guess. It just did. There was nothing leading up to it- no flirts (unless threatening to slice someone tongue out of one's mouth counts as flirting), no lingering touches (unless the occasional fist fights and slaps to the back of the head are now thought of as affectionate); it just happened. One moment, they were drunk, alone, in the safe house (where were the other assholes, anyways?), the next, Jensen was pressed against the wall, Roque's lips mashed against his. In the back of Jensen's mind, there was a voice telling him that this was just all sorts of wrong, possibly even disgusting, and that he should probably stop it, but the hands that were currently wrapped around his dick were convincing him that this was an awesome idea, so he ignored that worry-wart voice and just went went with the program.

After he came, Roque wiped his hand on Jensen's very awesome "Procrastinators Unite! ...tomorrow!" shirt and left. Jensen made a face and looked down out his shirt, mumbling, "Well, that was weird. And eww."

When he woke up the next morning with a horrendous hangover, he was half-convinced that it was just a booze-induced nightmare and pushed it to the back of his mind (until he saw his shirt, anyways, then it was right back to "eww").


Another mission, another safe house. They just arrived in Freeze Your Balls Off, Russia, in the winter, and none of them were all that pleased to be there, but, as per usual, no one was as vocal about it as the blonde hacker.

"I hate Russia. I hate negative 100 degrees weather, and I hate our lack of hot chocolate and marshmallows," he grumbled as he pressed himself against Cougar, trying to steal some of the sniper's body heat.

"Shut up, Jensen. This isn't exactly some weekend spa trip for the rest of us," Roque growled out, giving Jensen a glare that probably said 'I will cut your tongue out and eat it for breakfast'. That or 'I hate your face and your voice', but, as far as Jensen was concerned, they were the exact same thing.

"All I'm saying is, Roque, is we're dangerously close to absolute zero temperatures, and we'll all die, and that'll be horrible. I'm too pretty to die," Jensen retorted. He heard a snort from his human heat source as he tried to move away. "Oh, fuck you, Cougs. I know you think I'm totally the prettiest girl at this ball. Now stay still, or else you're going to get a good cuddling, and who'll be embarrassed then?"

"Both of you," Roque and Pooch retorted in unison.

Jensen flipped them off. "Hey, now. Firstly, I don't get embarrassed. I'm too awesome for that. Second, you guys are just jealous I'm not all over you."

"Jensen, I'm ordering you to shut up. It's too cold to get up and gag you right now," grumbled Clay, which only made Jensen grin widely.

"Oh, Clay. Didn't know you were into that sort of thing," he said with an eyebrow waggle. "Would you tie me up as well?"


"Shutting up, boss."

Cougar let out a snort of amusement, and Jensen gave him a playful glare. "You're so mean to me, Cougs. Here I am, giving you my warmth, and you just let everyone pick on me. Worst yet, you laugh about it!"

Cougar just shrugged. "More like you're leeching heat from me," he retorted.

"Yeah, whatever. Totally the same difference, man."

Cougar just gave Jensen a look that clearly said, "callete, idiota", and the hacker just stuck his tongue out at the older man, totally not caring that he was acting like a five-year-old. Cougar let out a small snicker and pulled his hat over his eyes. Jensen took that to mean that he won, and that's always awesome.

He then heard the others say his and Cougar's names and turned their attentions on them, an eyebrow raised.

"What'd you guys just say about me and Cougs?"

Pooch just smirked at them. "Just that you two make a cute couple, is all," he replied as Clay snerked.

Jensen could practically hear Cougar's eyes roll, and gave his other team members a wide grin. "You know, we totally are," he shot back.

Roque shot Jensen a look Jensen couldn't decipher, so he shot a questioning look back, then focused all his attention back to getting warm.


The night of bar hopping started out as any other. Pooch left early, since he promised Jolene he'd be back on base so he could spend some quality phone time with her. Cougar left a couple bars in with a smirk on his lips and a girl on each arm (the pimp), then Clay himself left with a woman who looked like she could be Crazy Stabbing Bitch Number Three (or is it four?), leaving Roque and Jensen alone together. Well, not really together. Roque stayed at the bar, and Jensen found a group of college girls and was trying to woo them with his wit and charm. It didn't really work, though, but then, it rarely ever did. He entertained them a little, but when they got up and left, the hacker was left behind.

Disappointed, he dragged himself back to the bar and slid into the stool next to Roque, who just smirked at him.

"You're not very smooth, man," Roque stated before taking a swig of beer.

Jensen shrugged. "Won't stop me from trying," he grinned.

Roque rolled his eyes, and raised a hand to get the bartender's attention. "I bet you used some horrible pick-up line like 'hey, nice shirt. Looks good on you. Bet it would look better on the floor'."

Jensen made a face of false shock. "That's how it goes? I said 'Like my shirt? Looks great, right? Bet it would look great on your bedroom floor'."

Roque rolled his eyes as the bartender. "Worked like charm, didn't it?" He turned his attention to the bartender. "Two tequilas," he ordered. The bartender nodded and got out began preparing the shots.

"Two? Damn, Roque. Alcoholic much?" Jensen teased.

Roque shot Jensen a glare. "One's for you, dumb ass. It's on me." And then he smiled at the hacker. Smiled! It made Jensen feel a little uncomfortable because Roque smiling is just plain creepy, but he didn;t complain- free tequila shots are the best type of tequila shot ever.

The shots were placed in front of Roque, who then nudged one in front of the hacker. Jensen grinned and grabbed his drink, lifting it into the air. "Thanks for the booze, man," he grinned before downing the shot. He placed his empty glass back on the bar top, and Roque signaled for a refill.

A few shots later, Jensen was clinging onto the bar top to keep himself from falling off of the stool, and when he glanced at Roque, the older man didn't look like he was in much of a better state.

"Man, we should probably go back before I totally forget where base is," Jensen slurred out. "In fact, I think I might have. I hope you remember, or else we're going to end up in Canada or something."

Roque just nodded in agreement and slid off (in a not-really-all-that-smooth manner) his bar stool and helped the hacker off of his. They clumsily walked out of the bar, leaning onto each other for support.

"Man, I know I say this every time I drink tequila, but, dude, I need to not drink it anymore," Jensen began rambling, "Shit's dangerous. You may end up having to hold my hair back before we get back. I know it's too short for that, but it's the thought that counts. That, or you may need to make sure I don't, like, fall off the ground, because that would be dangerous. Super dangerous. I don't know what'll be waiting for me when I do. It could be nothingness."

"You won't be falling off the ground, Jensen," Roque grunted out.

"Are you sure? Because it sure as hell feel like a possibility." He lost his footing and ended up stumbling, almost falling over and bringing Roque down with him. "Ah, man, I am gooooooone. Like, poof! GONE!" He glared up at Roque. "Why'd you let me drink so much?" A pause. "Why'd you buy me tequila shots? I hate you, I hate your face, I hate you forever."

Roque just rolled his eyes and pulled Jensen into an alley, and the hacker looked at the 2iC in confusion. "Dude, I said you might need to hold bacK my hair. I'm not really feeling the need to puke ye-"

He was interrupted when Roque pushed him up against the wall, his lips smashing against Jensen's own. His eyes widened in shock, and he thought of pushing the older man away for a second, but his alcohol-influenced mind decided, fuck, roll with it.

He clung onto Roque's shirt and kissed the older man back only to have Roque pull back. He shot a glare to the 2iC, who returned it before he leaned back in.

The kiss wasn't gentle in the least. It was very aggressive; a fight for dominance. There was biting, and Jensen was slowly becoming convinced that Roque might have actually been a super smart zombie trying to eat him. Then he felt Roque's hard on press into his hip, and heard a small, almost inaudible moan slip out of the other man's mouth.

Jensen's hands flew to Roque's fly and un-did it before he slipped his hand into the older man's boxers. He wrapped his hand around Roque's cock and he began to jerk him off. Roque growled and pulled his mouth away from Jensen's to start biting at the hacker's neck. Jensen's head lulled back, giving the older man better access to his throat.

The alley was soon filled with groans and moans, and Jensen was panting, rolling his hips as Roque palmed through his jeans. The blonde bit onto his bottom lip from yelling as he came not too long after, and Roque came onto his hand just moments later. Roque stepped away from the younger man and started making himself look presentable, letting Jensen slump against the wall behind him to catch his breath.

"Ready to get going?" Roque asked as he zipped his jeans back up. Jensen looked up at him and nodded.

"Yeah, let's do that. I need to change out of my pants, like, now."


Play flirting with Cougar is far more fun when Cougar play along- he doesn't drop ridiculous, stupid cheesy lines like Jensen does, but he winks and allows Jensen to call him all sorts of weird and silly nicknames.

Their bromance is awesome, so Jensen calls Cougar his 'bro-friend' and 'hetero-partner for life', and it seems to be a source of amusement for people around them.

Except Roque.

It seemed that anytime Jensen and Cougar would pretend to hit on each other, Roque would get slightly pissier and growl at the two of them about DADT, which the hacker and sniper would heartily ignore. And even though Roque never seemed amused with their epic bromancing, he never seemed to have a real issue with it.

Until Jensen apparently went too far with it.

They were all in their barracks at base in Iraq, and Jensen decided that flopping and laying on Cougar would be the most comfortable thing ever, and Cougar just let him, so Jensen began babbling about totally awesome their lives as heterosexual life partners would be, and began describing silly details like the house they would most definitely live in together (white picket fence in the front, totally a shooting gallery in the back), how they would so totally spoil his neice together and coming up with ridiculous house rules (he who snipes chooses who gets to do the dishes, no matter who cooked, and he who hacks is King of the Remote), which got a few laughs from both the sniper and Pooch. Roque, however, got up and left without a word once Jensen got to Rule 10- It is Cougar's job to make sure the house is well stocked up with Red Bull.

Jensen thought nothing about Roque's departure and continued going for a while after, until Pooch finally had enough with hearing about Jensen and Cougar's hypothetical shared future, so Jensen started rambling about how much he hated the desert.

Hours later, Jensen was still in the barracks playing World of Warcraft, with only Roque for company. There was no conversation, unless one would count Jensen yelling at his laptop screen as conversation.

Jensen was in the middle of a quest as he heard Roque's voice, but didn't hear any of the worlds.

"Sorry, man, didn't hear you. I'm too busy killing shit with a sword," the hacker mumbled out, his eyes not leaving the screen.

"I asked you what's going on between you and Cougar, dipshit."

Jensen glanced away from the game long enough to shoot a 'wtf?' sort of look at the older man. "We're bromancing and are being very bromantic. Why?"

Roque didn't answer, and Jensen thought the conversation was already done and over with when suddenly his laptop was slammed shut, almost smashing his fingers.

"HEY! What the fuck, Roque?" He glared up at the captain before he flipped his laptop back open.

"I hate you, you know," was Roque's response as he glared back at the blonde, and snapped the laptop closed once again..

"Oh, really now?" Jensen started, "Because I think I remember your hand being down my pants a couple of times, now. Don't think that counts as 'hate'- in fact, I think it counts as something quite opposite. Hate to break that to ya. And if you really do hate me, your 'have fun times with sexy Jensen' privileges are totally cut off."

Roque just rolled his eyes and left the barracks with a small huff. Jensen shot watched him leave, glaring at his back. "Asshole," he hissed as he flipped his laptop again and saw his poor mage dead.

"Oh, God dammit."


Jensen was somehow the last to see what was going on between him and Cougar. He was sitting in their safe house, holding out his hand for a can of Red Bull that the sniper promised to get him while he was hacking files for Clay. Instead, gun-calloused fingers wrapped around his wrist as the can was placed on the desktop. Jensen tore his eyes away from the laptop screen to see Cougar smiling at him.

"What's up, Cougs?"

Cougar didn't say anything in response, but he lifted the hacker's palm to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to it. Jensen stared at the sniper for a while, slightly confused, before he broke out in a grin.

"You know, I think I'd like another one of those. Just somewhere else would be awesome."

Cougar obliged. He leaned down and placed his lips over Jensen's, the kiss just as gentle as the one he placed on the blonde's hand, and Jensen decided this was the greatest thing ever.