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Am I Good Enough?

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It was midnight. Due to the deadline of the Guardian series, Bai Yu and Zhu Yilong took a lot of scenes that day. The shooting usually ended at 9 a.m, but for these past 3 days, it always ended around midnight or more. To make it worse, they have another tight shooting schedule again in the early morning.

Bai Yu felt really tired that day. As he reached his bunk, he leaped into the nearest bed even the bed is not his. He didn’t even care to take off his shoes or changed his clothes.

Zhu Yilong, Bai’s roommate and Bai Yu’s partner on the series, could only sigh as he saw the younger boy’s act. He knew that even his partner likes to tease him, but Bai never mean any harm to him. Gently Yilong took off Bai’s shoes and put them beside the bed. He also took the blanket and covered Bai’s body with it.

“Thank you, Long-ge…” Bai Yu mumbled with a little smile.

“You’re welcome, Bai. Make sure that you change my bedcover tomorrow because it’s already stained by the mud thanks to your shoes…” Yilong replied.

The younger actor chuckled and by a minute he already fell into a deep sleep. Bai didn’t know how long has he slept, but as he opened his eyes, the sky was still dark outside. He wanted to shut his eyes again, but then he realized. He saw a dim light on the table, and the older man was still siting near the light.

Bai thought that Yilong must have been fallen asleep on the table, but it was wrong. He could still hear the voice of Yilong reading the dialogue even with a very tiny and gently voice.

Bai Yu put away his blanket and walked into his partner. Gently he touched the other man’s shoulder.

“Can’t sleep?” Bai asked.

Yilong jumped in surprised, “Bai?”

Bai also surprised by Yilong’s reaction, “Ah, sorry…”

Yilong stared at Bai Yu for a minute, “Ah, sorry… Am I disturbing your sleep? I better practice outside…” The man tidied up the desk and stood.

Quickly Bai Yu grabbed the older man’s shoulder and pushed him back to the chair. Bai grabbed the blanket from his bed, covered Yilong’s shoulder with it, and then sat on the bed to stare at the other man.

“No, you’re not disturbing my sleep. But… are you sure that you won’t take a rest? We have a very tight schedule lately, but I rarely see you sleeping well. Is that something bothering you?”

“…” Yilong squeezed the blanket with both his hands. He just realized how cold that night was.

The younger man cupped both hands of his partner and blew it to make them warm. After a few minutes he gazed at his roommate, “Come on… please tell me what is disturbing you lately. You are my only partner on the series so please just share your burden with me. Can I  help you with something?”

“…” Yilong adverted his eyes from Bai Yu’s gaze, “It’s just… I think that my performance didn’t go well lately… Shen Wei in the novel is very perfect man. He is strong, beautiful, cool, and wise. That’s why Zhao Yunlan really adores and loves him. But as I read the novel and the script over and over… I don’t think that I could be that kind of Shen Wei… I’m far from perfect…”


The older man stared at his partner onyx colored eyes, “Please tell me honestly, Bai… When you played as Zhao Yunlan, you could also feel that way, right?”

Bai Yu kept silent for a while. Then he closed his eyes as he shook his head, “Is that what bothering you these days?” Bai raised his hand and flicked Yilong’s forehead hard.

“Ouch…” Yilong covered his forehead in pain.

“Silly old man, how could you think like that? You are older than me, but how could you be so insensitive?” Bai squeezed his partner’s shoulder and stared deeply to his beautiful eyes, “Don’t you realize how I stare at you when I played as Zhao Yunlan? Can’t you see how my Zhao Yunlan acted every time he has a scene with you?”

Yilong tilted his head with a very cute confuse look.

Bai came closer to his partner’s face until they just a few inches apart, “My Zhao Yunlan is already crazy about your Shen Wei from the very start … I could only act as Zhao Yunlan because I have you as my perfect Shen Wei. So never ever think that way again or else I will be very angry to you…”

“…” Yilong’s blushed a little. He could also feel that his heart beating fast. He didn’t know whether it is because his partner’s compliment or because his partner’s face was really close to him now, but his heart felt a bit easy now.

Yilong smiled at his roommate, “Thank you, Bai… I’m really glad that I could play this role with you…”

Bai smiled back as he released his hands from his partner, “You’re welcome, partner…”

Bai stretched his back as he stood and walked back into his bed, “Let’s take a rest now. We sure have another tight schedule tomorrow…”

Bai was ready to leap back to his bed until he felt that his sleeves was pulled by someone, “Long ge, is that anything else that you want to ask?”

Yilong didn’t realize what he had done, so he released it quickly. He lowered his head in embarrassed, “Sorry…”

The young actor put an annoying grin, “What? Is this famous handsome Long-ge want my companion his sleep? It could be a great meme materials…”

“NO! I’m not!!” Yilong stepped back with a pouted cute face, “It’s just… I’ve already known how your Zhao Yunlan felt to my Zhen Wei. Now I wish to know…” Yilong dared himself to stare at Bai Yu’s eyes, “How do you feel about me when you act with me…?”

There was a long silence between them. It was maybe because Bai’s head was too tired to think, or Yilong’s question was too ambiguous, so that Bai hardly find any word to reply.

Finally Yilong gave up. “Sorry for the weird question… You’re right, maybe I need to take a rest before I become weirder…” He turned his back.

Just before the older man could walk any further, Bai hugged his waist from behind and pulled him into the bed. The older man was struggling, but Bai hugged him tighter.

“So Long-ge really want to know what I think of him…?” Bai Yu whispered seductively into Yilong’s ear.

Yilong shivered as he felt the warm breath and the roughness of his partner’s beard on his ears. He didn’t even dare to let out any voice out of his mouth.

“Just like Zhao Yunlan, I always feel that I would like to hug and kiss you all the time because you’re just perfect and adorable in everything…” the young man’s whispered become softer and gentler than before.

Bai Yu loosen his hug and turned his partner’s body so their eyes could see each other. He caressed Yilong’s shoulder lightly before he planted a kiss on the other man’s forehead, “Now you have known all that you want to know, right? Let’s just sleep…”

Before Yilong could give any responses, Bai Yu was already asleep.

“And now you just fallen asleep just before I respond you. How nice, Bai!” Even he said that but this older actor still grabbed the blanket to cover his partner’s body.

Softly Yilong laid his head on the younger man’s chest. Even the night was very cold, but somehow it felt warm when he was beside his partner. After a long insomnia nights, finally he could close his eyes and fallen into a deep sleep.