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Captain Romcom: The Romcom Soldier

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Steve Rogers is just a normal guy looking for love...if by "looking for love" you mean "trying to find his amnesiac brainwashed assassin ex-boyfriend on the urging of his ex-military and superhero friends." When Bucky finally returns to his life, it looks like Steve might have a chance to recapture the love he had before. But Bucky's past won't stay in the past. Can their love overcome the interference of HYDRA, Bucky's real monster of an ex(-covert Nazi organization)?

"It's like The Runaway Bride meets While You Were Sleeping meets Dexter!" - a critic, probably

Listen along on 8tracks!

  1. 1234 – Feist: sweet heart, bitter heart, now I can't tell you apart

    We open on the Mall once again, as the tender chords of acoustic guitar accompany the sunrise and our intrepid hero, Steve Rogers, as he discusses his love life with his friend, Sam Wilson, in between laps. His best friend and ex, Bucky, has been missing since the events of the last movie, and Steve is torn between respecting Bucky's wishes and trying to find him again.

  2. The Way to the Future – Katie Herzig: you want to love, well, now's your chance

    Spy, superhero, and general person with more patience for talking about Steve's love life than Sam has Natasha Romanoff joins them in a charming independent coffee shop in DC and urges Steve to find Bucky, partially because there are signs that he's been going across the U.S. destroying HYDRA bases. But also because Nat cares about Steve and wants him to be happy.

  3. Alright with Me – Kris Allen: I know you better than you know, and you can fight but it's not over

    Search montage! Steve and Sam search for Bucky, getting to HYDRA bases just moments after Bucky's left, chasing him into alleys that he somehow disappears from, finding notes that say sweet nothings like "STOP FOLLOWING ME" and "I THOUGHT YOU WERE FASTER" left at crime scenes. Shots of Steve in the aforementioned charming independent coffee shop crossing off locations of HYDRA bases, getting increasingly frustrated, while Bucky lurks in the background and keeps stealing his coffee when Steve's too slow getting to the bar when his order's been called.

  4. Replaced – Kate McGill: you know I used to know you well, I'm staring at the spot you fell

    The reunion. While Steve sits in a cozy armchair at the charming independent coffee shop, Bucky watches him, this song playing in the background over the sound of espresso machines. Steve rubs his forehead, sighs, and crosses another location off his list; he's starting to lose hope. But then, across from him, "Can I sit down?" Steve looks up. It's Bucky. "I don't remember everything," Bucky says, "but I…remember you." Slowly, cautiously, finally, Steve starts to smile. "That's okay."

  5. Colors – April Smith and the Great Picture Show: like a lighthouse guides a shipwrecked sailor safely from the sea, I'll wear your colors 'til you come back home to me

    Steve and Bucky frondship montage! They go to the Smithsonian and look at the Captain America exhibit, Steve telling stories and Bucky nodding along, like he might be starting to remember. They go out for ice cream, and Bucky trades their cones claiming that he remembers chocolate made Steve sick so he shouldn't have the Rocky Road and Bucky will just have to take this one for the team. They take a roadtrip to Brooklyn and go to Coney Island, where Bucky mimes throwing up and Steve laughs.

  6. Dotted Lines – Sweet Talk Radio: But I don't want to take something that never was mine, or fill in blank spaces with more dotted lines

    Tentative yet emotionally charged sex, tastefully shot: Steve and Bucky slowly undressing each other back in Steve's DC apartment, which is dimly lit with a thousand tealights that must've been really annoying for the prop guys. Steve kisses Bucky like Bucky's sunshine and Steve's been a plant in the dark for decades (seven, to be precise); Bucky kisses Steve like he can't tell whether it hurts in a good way or a bad. After a fade to black, Bucky watches Steve sleep (naked), looking happy and resigned and just slightly sad, like he knows it can't last.

  7. Back to Black – Amy Winehouse: and I tread a troubled track, my odds are stacked, I'll go back to black

    Bucky leaves Steve while he's sleeping and goes to the charming independent coffee shop, where he sits down at a table with a man in a suit. "I know what you've been doing, Winter Soldier," the man says. "Don't forget who made you. If you won't stick to the mission, I'm sure we can find ways to persuade you even without the chair." The man pushes a picture across the table: it's a candid shot of Steve outside the coffee shop, with crosshairs drawn over his head.

  8. How to Save a Life – The Fray: or he'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came

    Bucky returns to Steve's apartment to find an awake (and worried) Steve, who says he wishes Bucky had woken him up before leaving. Bucky looks away, so Steve can't see his face, and says it was a mistake. Steve doesn't understand, and Bucky goes on the attack: "I've been playing you, Steve. I thought you had information on HYDRA, but it turns out you don't have anything of value after all." The fight escalates, culminating in Bucky yelling, "Your friend is dead and I've been lying to you!" and Steve staring at him, heartbroken, as he storms out. If this were a 90s teen romcom, this would be the scene where the lead finds out that the love interest was only interested in her for a bet and/or bribe.

  9. Middle – Katie Herzig: it isn't as easy as I thought it'd be, choosing the side that is everything I need

    Montage of Steve and Bucky being depressed after the breakup. Steve hanging around his apartment, Bucky preparing to go on a mission for HYDRA again. Steve sees a picture of him and Bucky taken at a photo booth and looks sad. Bucky holsters like five guns and looks sad. Steve goes for a sad run while Sam tries to cheer him up. Bucky helps HYDRA steal a bunch of old tech from SHIELD while sighing heavily. You know. Normal post-breakup stuff.

  10. Parachute – Ingrid Michaelson: you are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight; just hold onto me, I'll hold onto you, it's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

    Sam and Natasha knock heavily on Steve's apartment door and he opens it unenthusiastically. "Where's Barnes?" Natasha demands. "Tell me he hasn't done anything stupid." They were tracking down a HYDRA lead, Sam says, when they found someone who had this: it's the picture of Steve. "They're blackmailing him, Steve. They can't control his mind anymore, so they're using you to do it." Steve gets the look that means he's about to shove his star-spangled boot up HYDRA's ass, and there's a power-up montage as the three of them suit up and go into battle, defeating HYDRA. Bucky runs, trying to keep himself away from Steve; Steve follows.

  11. Never Look Away – Vienna Teng: you're made of memories you bury or divide, so if you're out there in the cold I'll cover you in moonlight, if you're a stranger to your soul I'll bring you to your birthright

    Steve finds Bucky outside. It's raining, because it's always raining in scenes like this. "You need to stay away from me," Bucky says. "I'm dangerous." "That's okay," Steve says, gently cupping Bucky's cheek as the glorious high-definition raindrops cling to both their eyelashes. "I'm kind of a superhero. I think I can handle it." They kiss in the rain, until Bucky pulls back and says, "Can I rig HYDRA's bunker to explode?" "Bucky," Steve says, "you can rig as many HYDRA bunkers to explode as you want."

  12. Falling for the First Time – Barenaked Ladies: maybe the worst is behind; it feels just like I'm falling for the first time

    Off Bucky and Steve kissing again: roll credits.

  13. [surprise bonus track – plays after the post-credits Easter egg scene]