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“I don’t understand the appeal of buying expensive pens.” Jeongguk turns the heavy metal object in his hands.

Namjoon smiles and takes the pen from him. “It’s not about the fact that it’s expensive, it’s the quality of the pen that matters. The feel of the ink, the weight, the way it writes.”

“Sounds deep.”

“It is deep,” Namjoon says, putting it back and picking up another. “I like this one.”

“Is this what rich people do? Spend tons of money on pens?”

Namjoon laughs. “You’re ruining one of my favourite things to do.”

“Buying pens? Good,” Jeongguk says, drawing a look from the attendant who stands on the other side of the stationery store, helping a man photocopy.

They came down to the store across the street after lunch, when his boss decided he suddenly needed a new pen. He had looked up, announced that he was having a good day, asked Jeongguk if he was too and when Jeongguk said yes, Namjoon tugged him outside with him.

“It’s just a hobby. And I’ve been looking for a new one. Tell you what, you pick the one you like best and I’ll get that one.”

Jeongguk grimaces. “I don’t know. They all look cool, I guess. What about this one?”

“Come on, put your heart into it. Really think about it, hold it in your hands, close your eyes.”

Jeongguk laughs and closes his eyes. “Okay. I’ll let it pick me.” He hovers his hand over the table of pens, all in their individual boxes. He moves his hand above them for a few seconds as Namjoon chuckles next to him and eventually settles down on one. “This one. I felt it.” He opens his eyes.

Namjoon picks it up and examines it. “Soft nib, black with gold accents. Not bad. Here, hold it.”

Jeongguk takes it, and yeah, it feels nice in his hand, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s just a pen.

“Feels nice.”

Namjoon flags over the patron and buys it along with the pen he was originally looking at. When they walk out, he hands Jeongguk the box with the pen he picked out.

“Oh…oh no, that’s okay, you don't have to-

“I know you think it’s dumb, but I like to buy pens because they remind me of how I was feeling at the time. I bought this in a good mood, now when I use this pen I’ll think about being in a good mood.”

Jeongguk rotates the box in his hands and nods, thinking he’d like to remember this moment too. “Okay. That’s cool. If it helped you get to this point of your career then I should probably start doing it too. Thank you.”

 


 

It’s 5:30pm and Jeongguk’s flight leaves in two hours. He’s still at the office.

“I asked you to have these finished for our client two days ago.” Namjoon taps at the folder on Jeongguk’s desk. He has this recent habit of tapping his pen against Jeongguk and his belongings when he’s trying to give some sort of instruction. It’s incredibly obnoxious.

Jeongguk is still staring at his computer screen. He clears his throat and increases the grip on his mouse.

“Right. Sorry, I’ll get it done tonight.”

“You’re on a flight tonight,” Namjoon reminds from over his shoulder, his voice almost playful. It’s like he’s getting pleasure from knowing that:

“I guess I’ll be doing it on the plane.” Jeongguk turns his face to the side and flashes a small, inauthentic smile.

“In-flight entertainment is boring either way,” Namjoon muses and pats Jeongguk’s shoulder like he’s a child who just dropped his ice-cream cone on the floor. Jeongguk doesn’t have the energy to make sounds similar to a fake laugh, so he just nods.

Namjoon makes his way back to his office whistling the tune to Michael Jackson’s Whatever Happens.

Jeongguk tries to remember when everything went downhill.

He was hired only months after he graduated college, right into the fray, and he impressed everyone in head office immediately, specifically Namjoon.

He remembers the third bid he helped the company win, Namjoon had staged a little office party. Jeongguk didn’t care for the party, to be honest, but there was something profound in having the person you’ve been looking up to for years staring at you like you’re the most powerful person in the room – like he’s proud of you.

A year passed and the more Jeongguk tried, the less interested Namjoon suddenly seemed in his accomplishments. He won even bigger bids, and got nothing more than a ‘good job’, the kind of thing you’d tell a dog that just performed a mildly difficult trick. Recently, Namjoon has gotten into the habit of piling the work of other inept employees onto him – not the fulfilling kind of work either, the number-crunching kind, the sort of work Jeongguk specifically wanted to work at this place to avoid.

The first few months working under Namjoon was the greatest accomplishment of his life. Namjoon came from a modest background himself and crawled to the top when no one believed in him. In fact, Jeongguk thought they had a lot in common, but he’d never actually say that to Namjoon’s face, wanting rather to only impress him. Which he did.

His boss would personally train Jeongguk for bids, finding the other workers ineffective. He’d praise him endlessly about his etiquette and Jeongguk would in turn try harder and harder.

Namjoon traveled to discuss business with partners and settle bids with investors - his travel companion was almost always Jeongguk. It became like a little tradition. But it has been months, and the last Jeongguk remembers, he went alone then sent Jeongguk to a separate bid on his own. After that, Jeongguk heard he was taking other employees. He didn't even end up hearing about these trips until after they concluded.

Kim Namjoon, on the Forbes most influential list. He’s not that high up, but he’s on there, and that’s part of the appeal – he’s lowkey. He doesn’t care for lists, he only cares about his company.

Kim Namjoon, the young man who took the world by surprise, who took interest in Jeongguk.

Kim Namjoon, who doesn’t care anymore.

He stares at the pen on his desk, the gold accents. He reaches out to take it, opening his desk drawer and tossing it inside.

 


 

He’s in business class, but it doesn’t make a difference as usual because he has his work multi-screened on his laptop. He stares listlessly out the window at the grey clouds for the majority of the flight.

When he gets to the luxury business hotel he feels hairs raise on the back of his neck because at least he can look forward to his night ritual once the leftover work is finished. It’s 10:30pm, and hopefully he’ll be done the work by 12:30. The energy in his body shifts slightly to a more pleasant pulse rather than the throbbing anger from earlier that day.

At least Namjoon books him the best rooms at these hotels – it makes the long plane rides thinking about how far he’s fallen slightly more bearable. Rarely, when Jeongguk is lucky, he manages to find an attractive guy to fuck at the hotel; these occasions are very rare and he doesn’t get his sex-with-another-person valve adjusted enough – so he ends up mostly fucking himself.

Release.

He keys into his room. The lights come on automatically, and it’s gorgeous as usual. It’s very high up and the view of the twinkling city lights below is like something only Hollywood celluloid could deliver. 

He throws his bag on the bed and runs a hand through his hair, scanning the room. There’s a desk across from the bed.

Pulling his laptop out of its carrying bag, he places it on the table, flipping it open. He works for approximately two hours, just as he was planning, and when he finishes he leans back in the chair, rubbing at his eyes.

Finally finding the energy to stand, he walks to the massive bathroom and checks his reflection. He’s still in his suit, his navy tie tight around his neck. He tends to keep it as tight as a chokehold until he has a chance to take it off like this, it’s almost sexually gratifying.

When he walks back to the desk he sits down on the chair in front of his laptop, positioning the lid and turning on the webcam to check the lighting. He looks good like this, sitting with his legs spread, still in his full suit - even if it feels suffocating. He frowns and tilts the lid down so his face isn’t visible.

Reaching over, he grabs the food menu and picks up the hotel phone. Namjoon tells him he’s free to use the hotel amenities on these trips and Jeongguk has been taking a massive amount of advantage. He orders two burgers with fries and two bottles of champagne.

He signs into his account (DisgruntledOfficeBrat) and leans back in his chair, waiting. He tends to wait until he has at least 100 viewers to start doing anything. Honestly, he doesn’t care much about the viewers and the money - although he has built something of a community for himself.

He only started doing this a few months ago, when his nerves about his job started to build. He quickly gathered a large following, his brand of masturbation in office clothing seems to be something of a large turn on for a lot of people.

Jeongguk is mainly popular for superficial reasons, even though he doesn’t reveal his face and has no social media presence or photos; he thinks he gained a lot of viewers simply because of his ranting. The drunker he gets the more vocal his shows, and the more the viewers appreciate him.

There have been several requests for face reveals and he has been promised large sums of money, but Jeongguk likes the anonymity and release he gets from this and no amount of money could buy that from him. Not to mention, he doesn’t want to do this forever - it’s an outlet to a problem he’s trying to stop from taking control of his life.

Room service shows up with the food and he tips them generously since that’s the only thing he’ll be paying for on this business trip.

He tosses the lid on the bed as he walks back to the desk, chewing on a fry. He stares at the viewer count: 132.

Turning on the webcam, he tilts the lid a little higher so only his mouth is visible. “Hey guys.”

He reads through the salutations and perverts and takes a bite of his burger, smiling through his chews, trying to keep up with the comments.

[MotherTerese11717] god I fucking love when he eats

[stonedude_1990] hey sexy…liick those fingers for me

He grins and puts the burger down, lifting his greasy thumb to his mouth and giving it a deft, loud suck. “God, today was fucking horrible. He pawned off more work from other employees on me. Honestly, I’ve been doing five peoples’ work for this entire week.”

He squints at the comments. “Yeah, this room is pretty fucking nice, huh? It’s the least he could do I guess.” He wolfs down his burger and rubs his hands on the little napkin that came with the tray.

When he leans back he's careful not to reveal too much of his face. He picks around his teeth with his tongue, watching the viewer count step higher and higher.

Finally, he grabs a champagne bottle, bringing it close to camera and placing his palm flat behind it like he’s beauty vlogger on YouTube, sharing a new product.

“So I picked up this guy. He’s great. 14% alcohol. I liked him so much I got two,” he says, turning the bottle slowly to show the label. “Should I open him up?”

[urinalcakeesss] can you open my asshole instead

[Electric_Sheep0] fuckurself with the bottle

urinalcakeesss has tipped 1,000 tokens.

“Split crowd tonight.”

He stands up and positions the bottle between his legs, shaking it slightly, laughing at himself and his display. He checks the feed and positions the bottle away from the screen, slowly thumbing the cork until it makes a loud pop and foam begins pouring down his hands down onto his suit trousers.

He brings his hand to his mouth and licks at the foam then sits back down, putting the bottle on the table. “Celebration for one,” he says, reaching up with his wet hand and finally pulling his tie loose, almost groaning at the sensation. He touches at his neck, rolling his head from side to relieve tension.

He grabs the bottle and takes a very long drink, burping. “God this tastes so much better knowing he’s paying for it. Anyone keeping up with the World Cup?”

When he glances at the comments, they’re mostly about how hot he looked loosening his tie and how he should open the other bottle in the exact same way. He smiles.

“Yeah, me neither. Haven’t had much time with el chapo breathing down my neck,” he takes another very large chug. He’s sure he just polished off half the bottle in less than 2 minutes. “I don’t think he gets much sex. Maybe if he had sex he’d be happier.”

Sometimes he finds himself saying things he doesn’t actually believe, it just pours out.

Leaning back, he pulls his tie even looser, reaching to yank it over his head. He starts to unbutton his shirt, stopping at the third button and reaching down to undo his belt instead. “I’m wearing that shit you guys love. I don’t get it, but I do it because it gets you off."

Standing up, he unbuttons his pants, unzipping and tugging them down. He’s wearing a shirt garter, keeping his shirt tucked down, strapped down around his thighs. He generally wears boxer-briefs but apparently white briefs are more popular for some fucking reason, so he goes with those.

He steps back slightly. “You ever feel like your boss is nice to everyone except you?” He flexes and unflexes his thighs, watching the comments scroll.

“Everyone tells me how nice he is and I just think, Jesus, are we talking about the same person? I want to piss in his coffee sometimes. I think about it.”

Jeongguk grabs his dick through his underwear. “I'm kidding. Mostly.” He squeezes his balls then steps forward to grab the bottle of champagne, chugging the rest of it.

He squints at the comments. “I don’t know. He’s tall, roundish face. Guys, you know I can’t get in depth. Speaking of in depth, I got this new dildo. It’s a 9 incher, it’s fucking brutal.”

Jeongguk typically doesn’t talk this much at work, he saves all his opinions and thoughts for his webcam outlet. He surprises himself sometimes with how verbose he can be.

“Then again nothing is more brutal than the psychological fucking I've been getting recently at work."

The comments scroll and one particular guest username catches his eye.

[Schadenfreude] You sound obsessed with your boss.

Jeongguk squints and smiles. “Oh there you are, I was wondering where you were. Obsessed? I don’t know, maybe. Have you ever had a recurring nightmare that you can’t stop thinking about? It’s kind of like that I guess.”

[Schadenfreude] You’re being extremely bratty today.

Jeongguk frowns. “Don’t you guys like that? You sure you’re a fan?”

[Schadenfreude] I’m a big fan. But I think you should talk to someone about this.

Schadenfreude is his most giving chatroom guest. This is only his third time appearing, and the first two times he stood out among the others too. He doesn’t seem overly vulgar like the rest of them.

While Jeongguk doesn’t care much about the money he makes doing this, he appreciates the fact that this fucker was willing to drop close to $1,000 each time, and he doesn’t even ask Jeongguk to do anything specific like the others. In fact, he just says one or two things and waits for Jeongguk to respond to them, Schadenfreude through typing and Jeongguk through words. 

Jeongguk used to be curious about the weird things people are into before he started doing this, but now he’s not shocked by anything. Schadenfreude is probably just some lonely guy who gets endless satisfaction from this.

“You should mind your own business,” Jeongguk says, reaching out to put some more fries in his mouth. He tries to think who in their right mind would be turned on by this half-ass show.

He places his fingers on his chest and trails them down to his thighs, squeezing then sliding his hands back up. He leans back again after watching the feed carefully, realizing this is probably revealing more of his face than he should. He walks back up to the chair and reaches around his waist, snapping the leather garter strap against himself. “Shirt off? Or shirt on, cock out?”

Shirt on cock out seems overwhelmingly popular, so he reaches into his underwear and pulls his dick out, letting it hang between his garter straps, soft. “It’s going to take a lot to get me hard.”

[Clueletter_030] id drink your bath water

[hungrytwink7] cOME FUCK MY ASS I’ll GET YOU HARD

[Schadenfreude] Think about what makes you happy.

“What makes me happy?” Jeongguk grabs his dick. “I guess feeling like I’ve accomplished something. Which, you know, given my current state isn’t going well.”

[Schadenfreude] Do you make a good wage?

“Yeah, but that’s not really how I measure accomplishment,” Jeongguk mumbles, leaning in and licking his lips, increasing his jerking motion.

[Schadenfreude] You want to be noticed?

Jeongguk smiles. “Looks like I found a shrink.”

[Schadenfreude] I notice you.

Schadenfreude has tipped 5,555 tokens.

For some reason that goes straight to his dick.

“Yeah?” Jeongguk reaches up and unbuttons the rest of his shirt, letting his dick hang (at half-mast now). He keeps the shirt on, unbuttoned now, moving his hand against his dick. The comments are going very fast, Schadenfreude is lost, or at least quiet. “I guess I do like being noticed. But…but I have to be noticed by someone worth noticing me.”

He closes his eyes, moving his hand faster. “Yeah, maybe I want that. I want that feeling again. I want him to n-…”

He hears cash register sounds as he gets filthier because the viewers are starting to give him what they believe is incentive to keep going. But he doesn’t need that right now, he’s already hyped, the bottle of wine is already blurring his senses. He moans, feeling the precum at the head of his dick. His thighs flex under the garter straps. As he sinks down into the chair, he moves his hand faster and faster, dick gleaming under the low lighting of the hotel room.

He presses his head back. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” he whimpers as he pumps into his hand, suddenly feeling like he needs something in his ass. He lifts up slightly from the seat, crawling his free hand back to his ass crack, finding home base. He knows a lot of them like to see his ass while he’s doing this, but he can’t really maneuver himself at this point, it’s awkward as it is.

He lasts only about a minute longer before he findings his prostate and comes hard from the paired sensations. He groans and slumps in the chair, his cock twitching against his thigh. “Well, that was faster than usual.”

I notice you.

He thinks momentarily about whether he should go for the dildo or not, but he’s honestly so fucking tired he doesn’t feel bad for shaking his head. “Sorry guys, I’m drained. I’m done for the night. We’ll do the dildo next week. I’ll fuck myself so hard I’ll taste silicone for a week, I promise.”

 


 

The bid doesn’t go according to plan, and while Jeongguk wasn’t very involved in the actual thing, he’s upset. He thinks it might reflect badly on him, seeing as he went over it and didn’t point out any errors. He signed it.

The last thing he wants is for Namjoon to be upset with him.

He’s going through the documents of their failed bid, tilted back in his chair, his pen against his full lips.

Seokjin looks less nervous and more bored, examining a stain on the end of his tie. “Does this look like chili to you?” he whispers, leaning in to show Jeongguk who angrily swats him away.

“Well, we’ll try to revise it for the next one. We’ll pull some more numbers,” Namjoon says handing the folder back to Hoseok who nods.

“They were real assholes these guys, they seemed like they already decided what they were going to do when they met us,” he says, looking over at Jeongguk.

“You think they’ll wanna work with us even if we revise it?” Seokjin asks, suddenly following the conversation.

Namjoon is standing now, looking out the window. He makes a soft sound. “God, look at that view with the sun setting behind the cityscape.”

They all stare at him as he continues to gaze out the window, snapping out of it after a few seconds and looking back at them. “Hm? We’ll think about it after I go through it again. Thanks for dropping in, guys.”

They filter out and Jeongguk stands by the door, closing it - he decides to stay in Namjoon’s office. “Seokjin’s right. I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep trying with these investors,” he says, even though Namjoon is fiddling around with documents on his desk, whistling. He doesn’t look up.

“Why don’t you think so?” He’s asking even though it seems like he already knows.

“The interest has gone up, and it’s going to continue to go up yearly. The investors know that, even if we change the numbers it’s not going to change the fact that it’ll be a bad investment for the long run.”

Namjoon nods. “Mhm.” He looks up at Jeongguk. “That’s a good point. Did you not consider that when you signed in on the first bid?”

Jeongguk clenches his jaw. “I’m. I should have known. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Namjoon says, shaking his head and waving his hand. “I just like knowing your thought process.”

Jeongguk nods, still feeling slightly dejected. He doesn’t want to let Namjoon down, ever.

“Are you using your pen?” Namjoon looks at him, slightly owlish from this angle, crouched over his desk. 

Jeongguk pats at his chest-pocket. “Yeah.”

“Good, good. Want to go for a coffee?”

Jeongguk smiles. “Yeah.”

 


 

Monday is increasingly terrible. Jeongguk has a massive headache when he wakes up and he ends up taking a more than the acceptable dose of Aspirin. His blood is probably running so thin through his veins he’d bleed out if he got a paper cut.

He’s scrolling through his emails when his desk phone rings. He picks it up absently and presses it against the side of his head.

“’llo.”

“Jeongguk, can I see you in my office?”

“Be right there,” Jeongguk says, putting the phone back down and scrolling for another five minutes before getting up and walking his way over to Namjoon’s office.

Namjoon is sitting at his desk going through some papers when Jeongguk knocks and steps inside, closing the door behind him.

“So, you want to tell me what’s up?”

Jeongguk stares at him. “Sorry?”

Namjoon puts the folder down and takes off his thick rimmed glasses. Their square shape makes his face appear less round than it really is. “The clients you met with on the weekend... they said you seemed aggravated.”

“Aggravated?” Jeongguk feels like he can’t do much but repeat words Namjoon is using. “How?”

Namjoon shrugs. “You tell me. I’ve never gotten this complaint before, I thought maybe I’d ask you to see if something’s up.”

“Aggravated?” Jeongguk asks again, feeling his temper rising. “I was the exact same way I always am. I don’t. I don’t recall being any less or more ‘aggravated’.” He finger quotes.

“You seem kind of aggravated right now,” Namjoon points out, and it might just be the light but he seems almost like he’s smiling. Jeongguk sees a dimple.

“I am aggravated right now. I’m very aggravated right now,” he says and Namjoon taps against the folder with his fucking pen, his smile quickly fading like he didn't expect Jeongguk to react like this. He stands up.

“Look, it’s fine. They accepted the bid, they seemed pleased overall. I just brought you in to ask you if you’re okay. You seem sort of off lately. Do you have a problem with your workload, or…”

“I’m. I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” Jeongguk says and he’s mostly trying to convince himself, not Namjoon, who tilts his head to the side and pauses for a moment before speaking.

“I appreciate the work you do."

Why does it always sound like he's talking in riddles?

Namjoon steps forward and stops in front of Jeongguk, peering down at him, his jaw slightly clenched like it does when he’s trying to be serious. He eventually reaches out a hand, putting it on Jeongguk’s shoulder, squeezing tight. “If you ever feel overwhelmed, you can tell me, okay?”

Jeongguk feels all the blood leave his limbs and gather directly under where Namjoon’s hand is gripping on his shoulder.

He swallows and nods. “Can. Can I go?”

Namjoon relinquishes his grip and smiles, gesturing towards the door. “Yeah, of course. You’re due in New York this Thursday, you okay to go?”

Jeongguk knows he’s probably just being polite by asking but it stings anyway. “I’m great.”

Seokjin is showing the new employees around the office and cracking stupid jokes when Jeongguk steps outside. He feels slightly woozy.

“This is the water cooler. It has a water in it. You can drink it. Stay hydrated,” he says tapping at the half-empty vessel.

Jeongguk is probably red and terrifying at this point, huffing outside Namjoon’s office door, but that doesn’t stop Seokjin from raising his eyebrows at him with a smile on his face.

“Ah, this is Jeongguk. Negotiator extraordinaire. Don’t be fooled by how quiet he is now, he will not shut the fuck up when provoked.” Seokjin places a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder and Jeongguk violently swats it off.

“Hi guys,” Jeongguk says, trying not to twitch. “Nice to meet you.”

“This is Jimin, and this is Taeyang," Seokjin continues.

“Taehyung,” the blond says suddenly, frowning and lowering the pen from his mouth.

“Right, Taehyung, sorry. You recent hires all look the same. I’m kidding. Don’t report me for that,” Seokjin says beckoning them. “Who wants to go bother Yoongi? Let’s go.”

Jeongguk grabs Seokjin’s sleeve as he starts to walk. “I gotta talk to you after. Text me,” he says almost viciously then, when he notices the two new employees are staring at him with frightened expressions, he smiles inauthentically.

“Uh, sure,” Seokjin says, ushering them away. He looks back as he’s walking and furrows his eyebrows questioningly at Jeongguk – Jeongguk shakes his head to suggest he’s fine.

He’s totally fine.

 


 

Seokjin is a good friend with benefits for a number of reasons: he’s completely emotionally detached, and he does all the talking so Jeongguk doesn’t have to.

He’s also attractive and has a big dick.

The only problem is sometimes Seokjin does this thing where he attempts to be more of a friend than a benefit, so the exchange becomes awkward. Like presently, as Jeongguk is on all fours on his bed and Seokjin is sliding his dick carefully into his ass, one hand placed lightly on his hip.

“So, like. You okay?”

“What?” Jeongguk grits.

“You seem kind of upset,” Seokjin is actually asking this as he’s pushing his dick inside Jeongguk’s ass.

“I’m great.”

“Okie doke.”

He fucks him for a few minutes and there’s nothing but the sound of breathing and skin slapping against skin and Jeongguk's soft moans.

And then: “You sure?”

“You’re really making it difficult for me to enjoy this.”

“You’re like ten seconds away from crying.”

Jeongguk shuffles forward, feeling Seokjin’s dick slip out of his ass, then turns around so he’s facing him, his back on the bed now. He sighs. “I’m fine. Let’s do missionary.”

Is he this obvious?

Seokjin nods and grabs the underside of legs, pushing Jeongguk’s knees up to his shoulders.

“Yeah, that’s good,” Jeongguk murmurs as Seokjin starts moving again. “That’s so good. That’s. What are you doing?”

Seokjin appears to be tenderly stroking the sides of Jeongguk’s face with his hand as he fucks him. “Just. I don’t know, fucking you. What now?”

“You’re, like, touching my face and…being weirdly affectionate.”

Seokjin sighs and then rolls off of Jeongguk with a grunt, lying down beside him. “You want me to be honest?”

“I’d fucking love it.”

“You’re obviously sad. I can’t stay hard while I’m fucking you because I just think about how you’re sad and it scrambles my brain and it’s all I can think about.”

Jeongguk pushes his palms against his eyes. “That was so much more honest than I expected.”

“Was it something Namjoon said? You came out of his office all pale and shit,” Seokjin says, grabbing his t-shirt from the floor.

Seokjin is being honest so the least Jeongguk can do is be honest back but he feels like if he starts saying anything he’ll just keep talking and get emotional. “You wouldn’t understand. You think he’s a nice guy.”

“I don’t think he’s a nice guy. He’s my boss. Bosses aren’t supposed to be nice.” Seokjin wipes at the side of his damp hair with his t-shirt then balls it up and leans back against the pillow. “He’s… I don’t know. Respectable.”

“He doesn’t treat me like he used to. I think he hates me now.”

“He hired you, didn’t he? He doesn’t hate you now, he sends you on trips all the time.”

“And piles everyone else’s work on me.”

“Because he trusts you,” Seokjin says, starting to look more and more confused and slightly uncomfortable.

“He never lets me know how I'm doing anymore,” Jeongguk argues, pulling his blankets up to cover his softening dick. “Unless he thinks I did something wrong."

“Do you like him or something?”

“What?” Jeongguk looks at him and Seokjin is wincing, like this is an embarrassing conversation.

“You sound like a butthurt fanboy.”

He wants to punch Seokjin right in his fat mouth.

“Thanks for all the sex we didn’t have, you can go now,” Jeongguk yawns, turning over on his side.

“Okay, Bratty McBratsville, calm down. We can still…I don’t know. How about I give you a good old blow job?”

“Get out.”

Seokjin leans over and plants a wet kiss on Jeongguk’s shoulder then dodges his swat as he gets back off the bed. “So uh, I don’t know if I want to tell you this, considering your current psychological state…”

Jeongguk turns his head around to stare at Seokjin. “What?”

“One of the new guys – Taehyung – the blond sexy one who talks way too much…”

“What about him?”

“He’s apparently been hired as a negotiator.”

Jeongguk feels his stomach turn and he sits up in bed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Jeongguk has to work up in the ranks from bell-boy status, to desk-monkey, and finally to negotiator – only to have a newly hired employee slipped into his own position slot? A brand new employee? Not an internal hire?

“I mean, it’s not that big of a deal, we do need more than one negotiator because there are bids going on in different cities, so. You can always. It’s not. Hey, you look really red. Are you okay?” Seokjin walks back to the bed and puts both hands on the blankets, staring into Jeongguk’s face.

“I’m fine,” Jeongguk says, trying to sound flippant.

“You sure?”

“Yup.”

Seokjin nods and just as he’s about to lean away Jeongguk reaches behind his head to grip his hair, pulling him in for a passionate, open-mouthed kiss.

He finally pulls away and reaches for Seokjin’s dick. “Fuck me.”

“But you just-“

“Fuck me.”

“Fine, fine, Jesus. So demanding.”

 


 

It just so happens to be Jeongguk’s luck that the very next day he is met with news that he has to train Taehyung. It feels like he’s grooming the next person in line to the throne, and that the person on that throne is Jeongguk himself. He's betraying himself.

He can’t help that he isn’t being that nice, but Taehyung seems like an oblivious guy so when Jeongguk is short with his explanations Taehyung just fills in the silences with questions.

The new negotiator is packing his little workbag with notes and other things as Jeongguk leans against the wall, staring down at his watch. It's their lunch rotation soon.

“Wanna grab a bite to eat?” Taehyung asks, staring up.

No. No I don’t want to grab a bite to eat with you.

“I uh, I had a big breakfast. I’m not that hungry,” Jeongguk lies because he is consistently starving at all times.

Taehyung looks a little disappointed. “Oh. Okay, well maybe next time?”

What does Namjoon see in him anyway? He’s cute, sure, but he seems vaguely like a dolt.

Just as he’s pondering the logistics, Namjoon walks out of his office. He looks casual today, in a sweater with a button up under it and no tie. He’s wearing grey slacks and he slips his fountain-pen into his pocket as he looks up and sees the two of them.

“How was your tour?” Namjoon asks and Taehyung smiles.

“Really good, I love it here already,” Taehyung glances over at Jeongguk who smiles back, dead inside.

Namjoon is studying Jeongguk’s face, nodding. “I want you to go with Jeongguk to the next bid. It’ll be a nice learning experience.”

Jeongguk doesn’t really have any words at this stage so he just keeps the smile frozen on his face and prays his mouth isn’t twitching.

“That sounds like fun,” Taehyung says, making things so much worse. “We won’t let you down.”

Taehyung’s voice and face have taken on some sort of form that rubs Jeongguk the wrong way – the way he’s talking to Namjoon, the way he’s suddenly brighter and more eager to please.

Over the next few days, he tracks Taehyung’s interactions with Namjoon. He watches the way they talk, and Namjoon is full of smiles. He even reaches out to touch Taehyung on the arm several times.

Taehyung goes into Namjoon’s office on Thursday and spends 45 minutes in there.

The bitter ghost of realization slowly starts to form in the pit of his stomach. It rises and twists its fingers around Jeongguk’s throat. He’s clenching his jaw so hard he has to take a pain-killer when he gets home.

This is so much worse than any scenario he could have come up with.

 


 

Jeongguk tends to get a little belligerent after too many drinks, but he always paces himself and doesn’t go too hard until they’re finished with the investors. Namjoon appreciates that about him and points it out often.

The investors have left, and Jeongguk is tossing back shot after shot, forcing Namjoon to follow.

He laughs and tries to turn down the last one but Jeongguk is leaning in on the table, grinning and clutching Namjoon’s wrist with his free hand, trying to tug it up to the shot-glass.

“Last one! Last one.”

“I had too many. Way too many.”

“Last one!”

Namjoon sighs and takes the shot glass, tossing it back and slamming the empty glass back on the table. “Okay that’s enough.” He’s quite tipsy now too, his dimpled cheeks hued red, his tie loosened. His perfectly styled hair is on the verge of collapse, a chunk dangling down against his forehead. He looks so attractive like this, so casually perfect.

Jeongguk wants to reach up and flick the chunk of hair but he figures he’ll freak Namjoon out, so he just stares at it.

“What?” Namjoon asks. “Is there something on my head?”

Guess he's freaked out anyway.

Jeongguk smiles widely, his lips folding back from his teeth. “No. Let’s go out.”

“Nah, our flight is early tomorrow.”

Jeongguk feels vaguely annoyed. “You went with Hoseok last week.”

He sounds bitter. In fact, he feels bitter, and he hates that it just comes out like that because it’s his most unattractive trait: wanting to be liked the most. He generally is good at hiding it but he’s drunk now and he can’t help it.

Namjoon doesn’t look disturbed, though. It might be the beer goggles, but he seems to be smiling down into his glass on the counter. “Ah. I did, didn’t I. I’ll invite you next time.”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “No, I mean I don’t care. I just meant you did it that time, so you might as well. You can do it tonight too.”

He eventually agrees, and they go to a bougie networking after-party they had initially been invited to be turned down because of their early morning.

Namjoon drinks a little more but generally just makes sure Jeongguk doesn’t get too out of hand. They meet a few partners they’re already familiar with, and it ends up being an extremely fun night. When they’re finally exhausted, Jeongguk urges them to jog back to the hotel instead of taking a cab.

“Are you serious? You can barely walk a straight line.”

Jeongguk stops and glares. He stomps a couple meters away from Namjoon and turns around to face him. He extends his arm out and places a finger on his nose, putting one foot in front of the other, walking towards him steadily until they’re about a foot and a half apart. Namjoon is grinning at the entire display, his eyes are so squinted they're much disappearing into his face.

“Okay now do it again, but I’d like a cartwheel at the end, thank you.”

Jeongguk jogs back this time, more meters away, and spins around with more pizzazz. He takes extravagant, theatrical strides towards Namjoon then launches into a half caved-in cartwheel to finish it off.

He’s panting by the end and Namjoon is laughing so hard he can’t hear his phone buzzing in his pocket. When he finally does notice, they’re walking back to the hotel.

It’s Hoseok. He’s asking them if they’re okay because he tried the hotel several times but they were apparently out. Namjoon stresses to him that they’re fine – in fact, they’re great. 

Namjoon helps Jeongguk up to his room when they finally arrive back at the hotel. He stands by the side of his bed with a hand in his pocket, the other softly ruffling Jeongguk’s hair as he squirms around in the sheets, still in his button-up and slacks. His tie and suit jacket are on the floor.

Jeongguk can’t remember ever feeling so satisfied being tucked into bed, even as a kid.

“Your energy levels. They’re really hard to track. One minute you’re calm, the next minute you’re through the roof,” Namjoon says, smiling down at him.

Jeongguk grins, rubbing the palm of his hands against his eyes. “What energy level do you prefer?”

“All of them.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk says and pulls his hands away, unbuttoning the front of his shirt. “Is it just me or is it really hot in here.”

Namjoon stares at him, then down at Jeongguk’s chest, then at the floor. “You’re always overheating."

“You can stay, if you want. If you’re not tired?”

Namjoon’s face changes slightly. He looks exhausted suddenly, or maybe scared. Whatever it is, he exudes a different energy. Jeongguk doesn’t remember him ever looking like this. He’s not sure if he likes it, because he can’t read his face. He’s drunk though, so he may only be imagining it.

“I should go to bed, actually,” Namjoon finally says, his face back to it’s regular, readable state.

“Suit yourself,” Jeongguk rolls over. “You won't have to wake me up super early, right? We have like four hours before our flight.”

Namjoon waits for a moment by the foot of his bed, his presence in the room heavy.

“I won’t. Night.”

 


 

Jeongguk is in his own room when he does his next webcam show.

He generally avoids doing this shit in his apartment because of the principle and for privacy’s sake, but he puts the laptop on his bed and points the camera towards an indiscernible corner of his room with a white wall background and not much else.

He isn’t wearing a shirt-garter this time, but he’s wearing a sock one - which is the stupidest thing he’s ever put on his body - but he feeds off the viewers' positive reactions to this weird stuff.

The camera turns on and he pours himself some straight scotch in a glass, swishing it around and watching the guest count go up.

He grabs his dick through his underwear, squeezing as the feed turns on. “Honestly, I just want to launch into this tonight.”

[twistytits111] we love a prepped king

BigDickBill has tipped 100 tokens.

[Bonerbuzzzz] launch into my asshole please.

“I have a hunch,” Jeongguk says pulling his dick out already, stroking it. He’s hard because he thinks he’s cracked a case. It hurts so bad, but he’s cracked it and Jeongguk might as well savor this accomplishment. “But I can’t really talk about it. Honestly, I don’t really want to.”

He thinks of the way Taehyung looked at Namjoon when they were speaking, that sort of obsessed sycophantic glimmer in his eyes.

He watches the comments scroll and ask for more details, but he’s pumping himself extra hard now, not realizing how far along he’s gotten. He needs to pace himself, so he slows down, keeping his hand on his shaft and away from the head of his dick. He reaches up to slowly unbutton his shirt, panting.

“So…next week. I’m…I have to go on a trip with the new guy…let’s call him…” Jeongguk looks around his room. “Johnson & Johnson.”

[anal_blitzkreig] theres 2 of them?? omg plot twist

[twistytits111] fuck em both senpai

anal_blitzkreig has tipped 500 tokens.

Jeongguk slows down the rhythm. “No. Just one guy. Just Johnson. One Johnson. It’s- nevermind. Point is, I have to, I don’t know, train him.”

Closing his eyes, he leans his head back, feeling around his chest with his free hand, massaging at his pecs. “Guys,” he says suddenly, his eyes still closed. “Wanna see something?”

He slides his hands down the front of his abdomen and tugs down the side of his pants, shifting in the seat so they’re pooled down on the floor by his feet. He shifts back in the seat, pivoting, reaching down to tear off his sock-garters. “Wait, this shit is uncomfortable. Sorry.”

He’s only in a dress shirt now, his dick bobbing obscenely as he moves awkwardly around in the chair seat. He reaches over to his bed, watching the feed, his lips coming close to the camera.

He grabs the dildo he got two weeks ago on his way back from work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(It's a small little sex-shop and he's in full business attire - the store-clerk is staring at him, bemused. He walks around the cramped aisles holding his suitcase awkwardly down by his side, muttering ‘excuse me’s as he makes his way straight to the dildos. He picks the biggest one and walks back to the cashier, putting it wordlessly down on the table and reaching in his pocket for his wallet.

The cashier lifts the package, leaning back to squint at the text even though he’s a young guy. “9 and a half inches, 2 inch girth. ‘Sculpted to please’.”

Why? Why do this?

Jeongguk just smiles, holding his wallet up, ready to pay.

“$47.35, please,” the man says, bagging the massive dildo. The store has black, unmarked plastic bags so it looks less like he’s carrying sex toys and more like he’s transferring body parts.

Jeongguk pulls out a wad of cash. “Thanks.”

“I’d be careful with this thing. Whoever is using it should be carefully prepped,” the man says as he picks change out of the register.

I plan on destroying my anal cavity. I’m not stopping until I cry, sir.

“Thanks,” Jeongguk says again taking the change and shoving it into his wallet.)

 

When he reaches out to grab the thing, it feels heavy and huge in his hand. Jeongguk has always had this fixation on doing things that are physically taxing – it’s so much more satisfying than the minimum effort most people put in almost anything they do.

He brings the dildo into the webcam’s view and wags it around like it’s a paddle. “Drop me your phone number if your dick looks like this.”

Jeongguk grins at the phone numbers scrolling and taps the dildo against his chin. “I could knock someone out with this,” he says, slapping it against his face. The sensation kind of gets him off, so he does it again, feeling the sting against his jaw.

He places the dildo's fat head against his mouth and sucks on the tip, keeping his eyes on the feed.

[Schadenfreude] How are you?

Schadenfreude has tipped 5,555 tokens.

Jeongguk leans away, breaking the line of saliva with his hand. “How am I? That’s not fun. I missed you, where were you,” he says sweetly, shifting from side to side on the seat.

[Schadenfreude] Had some things to do.

[urinalcakeesss] shadenfrood how do you get his attention ,,teach us!!!

[blackwater_op] have u checked out the tips he drops? guy is loaded

Jeongguk reaches for the bottle of lube on the bed, opening his mouth wide to fit the dildo head in, holding it in his mouth like he's a dog with a prehistoric dinosaur bone. It’s fucking heavy so he pretty much has to bite down on the silicon to prevent it from falling out of his mouth. He squirts some lube in his palm then leans back in the squeaky rolly chair, smearing it along his ass crack. It’s cold and uncomfortable but he’s not getting out of this chair - he's on a mission at this point.

[Mysterion__] god you’re so flexible I’d love to bend u on my cock

[astralTigerr] Bottom of the year seriously

He gets on his knees on the chair and turns so he’s facing the other way, his ass towards the webcam now. He can hear the cash register pinging more and more as he kneads his ass cheeks, always feeling kind of stupid while he does this when he knows there's no real person behind him with a real dick. But he’s horny and impatient, so he slides a wet finger in and drops his head down against the chair.

He doesn’t look at the comments as he fingers himself, but he finds himself thinking about whether or not Taehyung really did get hired because he fucked Namjoon, or if Namjoon just needed to replace Jeongguk. Maybe he thinks Jeongguk’s recent piss-poor attitude is bringing down the company he built up almost single-handedly.

When he zones back in he’s at three fingers and moaning softly, unconsciously. He grabs the dildo and positions it in place, running his slicked hands up and down its head and length.

Yes, this is possibly the most painful fuck he’s ever had, at least that he’s done to himself. The lower he manages to shift down on the dildo, the more the cash register pings. He arches his back, rolling his hips slightly, trying to keep the massive thing in place on the seat of the chair. He’s gripping the chair’s headrest with a hand as he swivels, groaning, trying not to gasp every time he moves low too fast and the friction throbs in his lower back. He wants it to hurt.

Eventually he lowers a hand and violently jerks himself off as he sinks down as far as he can go without having to go call an ambulance; his vision goes white when he cums, and he presses his mouth against the headrest, eyes fluttering closed. He sits there for a moment, tremors running down his legs as he tries to keep himself from blacking out.

It’s almost more painful lifting himself off the dildo when he’s done, his insides clenched. He shivers and swivels around towards the webcam, slumping in the chair, holding the glistening dildo on his lap and breathing hard. He eventually raises it and looks at it, tracking the wetness down to almost the bottom. “Not bad I guess. Missed about half an inch. I think I sustained some kind of internal bleeding.”

[Trix_Trax] you deserve an oscar for that performance………

Trix_Trax has tipped 1,000 tokens.

Bonerbuzzzz has tipped 2,200 tokens.

[Schadenfreude] You did your best. You always do your best.

Schadenfreude has tipped 5,555 tokens.

Jeongguk stares at the comments, panting. He slips his shirt off and rubs it against his chest then around his spent dick, tossing it into the laundry basket.

He wipes at his mouth, grabbing the mouse and scrolling up again.

You did your best.

 


 

Namjoon stands at Taehyung’s desk as Jeongguk and the negotiator-trainee load documents into several files.

“Don’t accept anything less than the figure we projected in the boardroom,” Namjoon says and Jeongguk is mildly annoyed because he knows this. Namjoon’s only saying it because there’s a trainee with him, and now he has to feel like he’s new to work too even though he’s been here for years.

Seokjin floats over to them, a Twizzler hanging from his mouth. “You guys leaving tonight?”

Taehyung straightens out, smiling proudly. “Yup.”

“Give’m hell, tiger,” Seokjin says, reaching out to punch Jeongguk’s arm.

“No,” Namjoon says. “Do not give our investors hell.”

“Don’t give’m hell, tiger,” Seokjin corrects.

“Can I talk to you in my office a minute, Jeongguk?” Namjoon asks, reaching up to adjust his glasses.

Again? If this ends up being another lecture, he’s going to fling himself out his boss’s window.

The door closes behind him and Namjoon goes to his desk, leaning against it, facing Jeongguk like he’s a school principal. His slacks are tight and his thighs press out against the wooden surface of the desk. Jeongguk drags his eyes up.

“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I…I appreciate your concern. Last time and this time,” Jeongguk keeps his eyes level with Namjoon’s, refusing to give in to his pleasant tone. “I’m doing great. Boss.”

“Boss?” Namjoon chuckles. “Haven’t called me that in…I don’t think ever, actually.”

Jeongguk just smiles, and it probably looks like it doesn’t belong on his face because Namjoon’s own smile falters.

He eventually nods, though, leaning back against the desk and sighing like he wants to say more - thankfully something tells him otherwise.

Jeongguk tries to be polite but he can’t help the glare in his eyes as he peers up at his boss, looking almost like a heavenly figure like this with the light pouring from the window down over his head and shoulders.

“You and Taehyung, I feel like you’ll be a good team,” Namjoon continues finally, with the stupidest thing Jeongguk has ever heard. "Give him a chance."

He shudders at the thought that he’d have to share the spoils of any bid with someone else, least of all someone he’s never worked with before.

“I think I’m capable of doing bids by myself, though,” Jeongguk says carefully. “Don’t you?”

“Our company is getting bigger, we can use more than one person appointed to jobs like this, especially with bigger investments on the line,” Namjoon wipes his glasses on his pants.

He doesn’t answer the question.

“Right,” Jeongguk nods, exhausted. He turns to leave.

“Hey,” Namjoon calls suddenly, from his desk. “Where’s your pen?”

Jeongguk shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats louder, then opens the door and leaves.

 


 

The ride to the airport is uncomfortable to say the least. Jeongguk doesn’t like to talk to people he doesn’t know well, but Taehyung has no issue with that. He talks and talks.

Jeongguk realizes he’s only eaten an apple and a hard-boiled egg today in the staff room at 8am and it’s 12pm now. He surprisingly doesn’t feel hungry, in fact he’s slightly queasy in the backseat of this cab.

When they get on the plane Taehyung tries to help him with his carry-on, but Jeongguk declines, suggesting Taehyung take the window seat. “I have a small bladder.”

They ride in silence a little as Taehyung sips from his Coke bottle. Jeongguk glances over at him. He’s attractive – his features are distinct. He wonders how Namjoon fucks him in his office. Does he crawl under the desk? Or does he get fucked on top of it? How does it feel? Probably satisfying.

Jeongguk is actively trying not to hate him. He reminds himself he’s just some guy, and that if he’s going to be mad at anyone it should realistically be Namjoon but for some reason he doesn’t feel the same level of anger as he used to with his boss. Maybe he’s projected some onto Taehyung, maybe he’s just betrayed now.

It isn’t better than feeling anger, in fact he feels slightly paralyzed.

“How do you know Namjoon?” Jeongguk finds himself suddenly asking, fiddling with his entertainment screen.

Taehyung quietly burps into his hand and turns his head to face him. “Know him? Well, he was a competitor for the last company I worked with.” He adjusts his pillow. “I went through the income statements, the investment decisions, stocks…figured he was doing a much better job than my last boss.”

Jeongguk nods, swishing the shitty plane whiskey around in his glass. No food. Hard liquor. “You been on any bids before?”

Taehyung blinks. “Uh, yeah. I did tons at my last job,” he looks a little annoyed by the question, which comes as a surprise to Jeongguk.

No, he doesn’t feel it's particularly obvious that Taehyung has done this job before. Mainly because of the fact that Jeongguk had to train him for almost an entire week and Taehyung didn’t protest to any of the information and tips Jeongguk was hemorrhaging.

They pass the rest of the flight in silence, save for the occasional comment about the horizon from Taehyung, who sounds a little less enthusiastic than he did earlier.

The hotel is beautiful as usual, and Jeongguk is happy to know they’re in separate rooms. That being said, while Jeongguk wants to do a cam show, he also feels vaguely ill. This is probably related to the fact that it is now 5pm and he hasn’t eaten for nine hours.

He also knows he won’t really have time for a show considering they have their meeting with investors in an hour and a half and he last thing Namjoon will want to hear is that Jeongguk left Taehyung alone during their empty time slots.

“Damn, this is a really nice place,” Taehyung says, staring at the marble floors. “Does he always book you to stay at places like this?”

Jeongguk shrugs. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice.”

They decide to settle in the bar (both ordering tea, not alcohol) until the investors show up, and Jeongguk is just starting to relax in Taehyung’s presence when he sees Taehyung’s phone flash with a caller ID that says Kim Namjoon.

“Hello?” Taehyung presses the phone to his ear. “Doing great, he’s a great guide,” Taehyung winks at Jeongguk. “Just waiting for them now. Yeah, we’re early. Thanks, thank you, yeah I’ll tell him. Thanks. Bye.”

Taehyung drops his phone in the pocket of his oversized wool coat. “Namjoon told me to tell you to give’m hell.”

Jeongguk can’t help smiling down into his green tea. “Ah.”

When the investors finally do show they’re much meeker than Jeongguk initially thought. Not only that, he finds himself paling under Taehyung’s incredibly likable and assertive demeanor. Not at all like he thought when first meeting him, or even up until this point, the sweet, slightly passive man. He’s bold and offers drinks, even bringing up potential risks of investing in their company which Jeongguk was told to never, ever do. But the investors take joy in his honesty, if anything, it’s the way he’s saying it, not what he’s saying. He’s charismatic and he smiles often, his body language open.

He asks Jeongguk to back him up often, and while Jeongguk was initially slightly stunned by Taehyung’s switch of character, he obliges and leads in to what he does best: show the information in winning ways. He presents the numbers factually, and finds the investors are looking more to Taehyung to expand than at Jeongguk.

When they’re finished, the investors are 100% percent on board and Jeongguk feels a strange emotion. It’s not anger because, honestly, that was an immense performance. He can’t place it but if he had to, it’d be closer to sadness.

If this is how Taehyung’s like when he’s around Namjoon, of course his boss would favour him. If anything, the logical next step would be replacing Jeongguk. 

He’s cute, sure, but he seems vaguely like a dolt.

How fucking embarrassingly wrong he was.

“Hey, let’s have some drinks,” Taehyung says, nudging Jeongguk’s arm. “Come to my room.”

Jeongguk nods numbly. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Taehyung is back to his typical, welcoming demeanor as he changes in front of Jeongguk, throwing on a pair of silk pajamas, blabbing on about the deal. “And that whole fucking arc you went on, about how the investors in the past that went under had all passed on our company? That was great. Honestly, that’s genius. I’m gonna use that next time.”

Jeongguk lies back on Taehyung’s hotel bed, staring at the light. “You were really great too.”

Taehyung’s phone is vibrating on the table but Jeongguk doesn’t move to see who it is.

Taehyung picks it up and slides into the bathroom. Jeongguk can hear him, only slightly though. He makes out the words. He’s speaking softer than his typical speaking voice, like he doesn’t want Jeongguk to hear.

“Hey. We were great, yeah. It went amazing. Yeah he’s good. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow night. I’m serious!”

There’s a small laugh then Taehyung’s voice drops to close to a whisper, but Jeongguk is all fucking ears at this point.

“Stop I can’t say that here. Me too.”

Jeongguk sits up in the bed and Taehyung slips out, a headband pushing his hair back. He throws his phone on the bed and bends down at the liquor cabinet. “I’m not really a drinker to be honest. Hmm, are any of these sweet?”

“I want to get fucking loaded,” Jeongguk says very seriously, and Taehyung looks up at him holding a bottle of vodka. He blinks then bursts out laughing.

“Wow, okay. How about you pick,” Taehyung moves aside as Jeongguk slips off the bed and peers into the cabinet, taking out a giant bottle of vodka.

He twists off the cap and takes a swig.

Taehyung is looking at him, slightly horrified. “You okay?”

“I’m fantastic,” Jeongguk says, taking another long swig. He immediately feels the effects, especially since – oh fuck, he hasn’t eaten anything for the entire day.

He sits down on the bed and loosens his tie. Taehyung takes two shots and makes a series of faces for a whole minute after each one. “Ew fuck, ew fuck.”

They drink and talk for about an hour, and Jeongguk hates that he likes Taehyung. He’s just a nice all-around guy, and there’s nothing more to it. He’s attractive, and smart, and capable, and Jeongguk is a bitter fuck.

He’s staring at him, ruminating.

“Want to have sex?” Jeongguk says suddenly, feeling the effects of alcohol deep in his chest now – his inhibitions are all gone.

Taehyung’s smile fades immediately and he stares at him. “What? Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“You’re drunk,” Taehyung laughs, patting him on the shoulder. “I think you should take a rest or something.”

“Yes or no.”

“No," Taehyung frowns.

“Am I not your type?"

Taehyung looks uncomfortable now. “You, uh. You don’t seem like you…like me? At all? I don’t know where this sex thing is coming from. In fact, I get the impression that you kind of hate me.”

“Do you only have sex with people who like you?” Jeongguk asks, his head pounding, not knowing what he’s doing right now, not knowing what the fuck this sad display is.

“Wow,” Taehyung frowns. “Maybe you should go sleep in your own room.”

Jeongguk feels the lights in the room are especially bright now. He nods. “You're... You’re right. I just. I need to use the washroom first.”

He gets up as Taehyung sits nailed to the bed, his arms crossed, looking upset.

He barely manages to stagger into the washroom then sort of crumbles next to the toilet seat. He needs to throw up but he also feels like his gag reflex is completely gone.

Taehyung seems to hear him stumbling around in the toilet because he’s suddenly at the door. “Oh my God, oh my god, are you okay? Shit.”

He kneels down next to Jeongguk and pulls him upright against the door, reaching up to loosen his tie even further and then fumble at the upper buttons of his shirt.

Jeongguk nods and Taehyung feels his forehead. “Jesus, you’re sweating.”

“I’m... always sweating,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“I’m gonna call the paramedics, okay?”

“No,” Jeongguk grabs his arm. “No.”

“Look, I don’t want you to die on me. That’ll make me look bad too,” Taehyung warns and Jeongguk smiles slightly.

“I just. I haven’t eaten since 8am.”

“You dumbass,” Taehyung stands up when he’s sure Jeongguk is stable against the open door, running to the phone to order some fruit and bread.

He comes back with a bottle of water. “Drink this.”

Jeongguk drinks a little. He feels so fucking weak he can barely move.

“I don’t…I don’t hate you. Sorry about...the sex thing. That was gross.”

Taehyung’s large lips press into a line. “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about that. Just drink.”

“You’re actually. You’re really smart, and you’re good at your job, and you’re attractive. And you- you deserve attention.”

Taehyung blinks at him, furrowing his eyebrows then lifting a hand to press it against Jeongguk’s forehead again, a slight smile on his lips now. “You’re sweet. I think you just…are having a bad week?”

Taehyung seems to want to project reasons for Jeongguk’s bad behaviour onto him, reasons he’s willing to accept, rather than just try to fathom that Jeongguk might be a massive prick.

“You could say that.”

Room service eventually shows up with the food and Taehyung runs to the door to get it.

He comes back with a silver plate piled with fruit and bread, sitting cross legged on the ground. “Here, eat this.” He holds out a piece of naan.

Jeongguk takes the bread in his weak hand and tugs a chunk off it off with his teeth, holding the rest down limply against his lap. “Thanks.”

After a moment of chewing Jeongguk swallows and clears his throat. “I’m so fucking dramatic.”

Taehyung laughs, slightly less nervous now for Jeongguk's well-being. “You’re fine. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Taehyung smiles, blowing out a stream of air and scratching at his blond head, clearly trying to come to terms with whatever the fuck even happened.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk suddenly whispers. “About being…like that.”

“It’s okay, it’s fine,” Taehyung says, patting Jeongguk’s cheek now.

He leans in to adjust the back of Jeongguk’s shirt against the door. When he gets close Jeongguk reaches up to tug Taehyung’s collar, and when Taehyung doesn't pull away Jeongguk pushes his face against his shoulder in a hug.

Taehyung rubs his arm as Jeonguk mumbles again. “I’m sorry."

Taehyung holds him in this strange half sitting, half slumped position against the bathroom floor for a long length of time. Jeongguk is probably crying, but he doesn’t really remember.

 Jeongguk doesn’t remember how he ends up getting in bed either but when he wakes up in the middle of the night, Taehyung is sleeping with his back to him, on the edge of his bed, giving Jeongguk all the room his sprawled out, drunk body needs.

Everything is different now.

 


 

The trip back is uneventful, neither Taehyung nor Jeongguk bring up the events of the night before.

It's weird, but Jeongguk feels much more at ease around him. Maybe it was only fair for Taehyung to see him in that sorry state.

Jeongguk figures he needs to do a few things to clear his head. One, stop drinking for a long, long time. It’s clearly becoming less of a social thing and more of a fixation – that’s generally how alcoholism starts and it’s the last thing he needs in his life right now.

The second thing is to have another cam show. Perhaps his last. This time maybe a less angry, more appreciative one. Maybe he’ll spend some more time reading what the viewers say, maybe he’ll rant a little less.

Just…less. Everything needs to slide down a few notches. That hotel room display? That was rock bottom - and Jeongguk is too young to be hitting rock bottom.

When Jeongguk gets home he raids his cabinets and dumps all his alcohol down the drain. He spends the rest of the day cleaning the entire apartment (which he hasn’t done in months). He’s wearing only boxers and pink rubber gloves, running around his apartment. 

It’s very therapeutic, and when he finishes it’s 9pm; he’s not going to lie, he’s craving a drink. He reaches for a bottle of sparkling water instead and chugs the entire thing.

He drops down in the kitchen and does fifty pushups then hops in the shower, standing and letting the water pour down his face for close to thirty minutes.

When he emerges, naked, from the mist of the bathroom, he feels strangely like he’s reborn.

He throws on a white t-shirt and gray boxers, his hair still wet. He absently rubs the towel against his head as he signs into DisgruntledOfficeBrat.

“Hey guys,” he says, smiling and positioning the camera properly. “Missed me?”

[MotherTerese11717] hey baby your mouth looks so pretty today

[BigDickBill] missed you so much…

“I think I’m gonna do a really lowkey show today, sorry. Nothing too crazy,” Jeongguk yawns, stretching and pulling the front of his shirt over the back of his neck, like he’s a soccer-player celebrating a goal. “Cleaned my whole apartment today,” he says, sliding his hand up and down his chest.

[astralTigerr] what a productive boy. u deserve a tip

astralTigerr has tipped 500 tokens.

[stonedude_1990] I’d watch you do anything

“I wanna know…how’s everyone doing? And I don’t just mean as small talk I mean,” Jeongguk thinks this is probably stupid, but it’s his last show so it shouldn’t matter, “Honestly, how do you guys feel?”

[astralTigerr] I feel like shit lol

[Electric_Sheep0]  FEELING HORNYY

[stonedude_1990] I miss my kids…

[MotherTerese11717] miserable. but you’re gorgeous

“Astral, why do you feel like shit? Stonedude, why? Where are they? MotherTerese, thanks, why are you miserable?” Jeongguk asks, trying to keep up with all the comments.

[astralTigerr] my mom has cancer its getting me down latelyy

[Kurt__Dope] are you going to fuck yourself or what?

[stonedude_1990] I had some problems with drugs so they got taken away. Miss them so much ☹

[Clueletter_030] BOO HOO YOUR MOM HAS CANCER ALSO WHO ISN’T DEPRESSED GET OVER YOURSELF

[twistytits111] idk I’m pretty happy. just got a new job!!

twistytits111 has tipped you 1,000 tokens.

[MotherTerese11717] Miserable because I bombed the bar exam and I’m gonna let my whole family down

Jeongguk stares at the comments, his heart beating fast in his chest. It feels weird to know these are all real people with real lives, like it’s something he’s just learning right now for the very first time.

[Schadenfreude] I think I let down the person I love.

“Hey, bud. You should tell them that, Schad,” Jeongguk says feeling his heart seize a little at all the scrolling comments. “I’m so sorry about your mom, Astral. Clue, you aren’t edgy. Stone, that’s rough, I don’t know the context but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You’ll get better, and you’ll see them again. Congrats, Twisty, and thank you. Terese, study harder and try again, it’s not the end of the line yet.”

[Schadenfreude] How about you? How do you feel?

[666Hretsing] this is fucking gay im leaving

[astralTigerr] You’re such a sweetheart…

astralTigerr has tipped you 1,000 tokens.

[AstroJizz88] you realize he’s just playing you guys like fiddles for tokens right? I’m out.

stonedude_1990 has tipped you 500 tokens.

MotherTerese11717 has tipped you 1,000 tokens.

“I feel like...like I have to make a decision,” Jeongguk says, leaning his head back against the chair and clearing his thoughts. He crawls his hand down to his navel, picking at the little trimmed hairs of his treasure trail. “I feel...aware."

He slides his hand down to his dick over his boxers, squeaking back in his chair to allow a better view. “I think I have to be honest. With myself.”

He thinks of Namjoon and who he’s taking on trips instead. Probably Taehyung, right?

He thinks of what he does with Taehyung, maybe, in his office. Taehyung on his knees, sucking him off, gripping his thighs. Namjoon with his long fingers in Taehyung’s hair, his thick-rimmed glasses sliding down his small nose, completely blissed out. He thinks of the way the light was shining through the window.

Why didn't he just tell him. Why is Jeongguk so unafraid of everything except this? Why didn't he tell him?

He thinks Namjoon deserves happiness and Jeongguk is being petty. But it still hurts every time he remembers about being pushed aside, and he hates that there are tears stinging his eyes as he’s jacking off in front of almost three thousand viewers. He hates having fucking feelings.

He feels himself reaching climax and grips the side of the chair with his free hand, not feeling like edging today, just wanting that release. When it arrives he stains his chest and his thighs with cum, groaning through it.

“Alright…that’s. That’s all I had for you guys tonight, sorry,” he says, wiping at his eyes, then at his chest. Looks like he’s going to have to take another shower.

[twistytits111] are you crying baby??? don’t cry

Trix_Trax has tipped you 2,000 tokens.

[Schadenfreude] I’m sorry.

Jeongguk stares. “Why are you sorry?”

[astralTigerr] OMGGGG ARE YOU ACTUALLY CRYING? WHY???

[Clueletter_030] yea astral’s mom is the 1 with cancer y r u crying

Jeongguk keeps staring. “Why are you sorry?”

He watches Schadenfreude go idle, and then offline. He feels strangely ill, but then pushes the feeling out of his mind.

“Okay, uh. Thanks, guys. Bye.”

He pauses for a moment then clicks the off button, watching everyone slowly leave the room, feeling almost depressed. These people were kind of his friends.

 


 

Namjoon is staring at the document in his hands and Jeongguk is waiting for him to finish reading. Jeongguk is dressed in his best suit today, the one he wore on his first bid, standing with his hands clasped behind his back.

Namjoon finishes reading then looks up, taking his glasses off. “What the fuck is this?”

“My resignation.”

“I know that.”

“Well,” Jeongguk starts. The least Namjoon can do is make this easy. He clears his throat. “I made it pretty clear in the letter, I-“

“You’re going to resign? Because of what?” Namjoon asks, putting the paper down on the table.

“Honestly, I just feel like I should explore some other companies.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey, I don’t fucking care if you believe it or not,” Jeongguk says, his voice rising halfway through then falling again when he realizes he’s in Namjoon’s office. “I’m gonna go back to my desk now.”

“Jeongguk,” Namjoon says, rubbing at his temples. “Why. Why do you have to make this so hard for me?”

Jeongguk stares at him and he’s practically buzzing at this desk right now, he’s never seen Namjoon this affected in his life. He looks like a man on the verge of a breakdown.

“Make this hard…for you?” Jeongguk asks, because he genuinely doesn’t understand.

Namjoon closes his eyes and breathes out, then gets up, taking a few steps towards him. “What is this really about? I need to hear you say it.”

“I need to get away from this office, okay? It’s for my own mental health,” Jeongguk stresses, and he’s not lying about any of that, that’s the most accuracy he can muster without breaking down completely.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to want to argue with that, but he looks almost livid – not necessarily with Jeongguk, but with the way things turned out. Like he wasn’t planning on ever having to deal with this. Like he had planned for something else.

“Can I…leave now?” Jeongguk asks when Namjoon doesn’t respond.

Namjoon sucks on his teeth then rolls his lips together, picking up the letter of resignation and running his fingers down the spine absently. He nods.

Jeongguk turns to leave the office and thankfully Seokjin is standing right outside, chatting with Taehyung.

“Hey, heard you guys did great,” Seokjin pinches Jeongguk’s arm.

“Yeah. We did,” Jeongguk gives Taehyung a small smile which he returns much brighter, more confident.

When he gets to his desk, Jeongguk pulls out his phone, sending Seokjin a text message.

[9:23am] can I see u tonight?

He taps away at his keyboard for a little while until his phone vibrates.

[9:45am] sure! should I come over?

[9:46am] ya that’s fine

The rest of the day passes at his desk like this; he makes sure to eat as much as possible. He’s lost a little weight this month and he plans on putting it all back and then some. He thinks maybe he’ll just take a month off before looking for another job.

He has two plain yogurts, a cup and a half of steel cut oats with a baggy of spring berries and three hardboiled eggs. For lunch he eats his prepared chicken and vegetable dish with steamed black rice. He eats two apples and a banana for dessert. He reckons he’ll just eat dinner at home with Seokjin, since he’s already filled up his little desk trash-can and every worker who comes by asks him if he’s okay when they see his mountain of food.

What he doesn’t do is think about the fact that he just submitted his letter of resignation to the person he’s been wanting to work with for his entire life. 

 


 

Seokjin is thankfully all smiles and jokes when he comes over, putting a massive steel container onto Jeongguk’s table.

“I brought a roast.”

“I made dinner, though,” Jeongguk says, pointing at the laid table.

“Oh. Okay, well keep the roast for another day. You can never have too many roasts.”

They eat and chat and the second Seokjin brings up work Jeongguk puts his fork down. “About that. I, uh. I have to tell you something.”

“Oh,” Seokjin says, looking slightly nervous and wiping his mouth with a napkin. “I have to tell you something too. I guess. I mean. It’s not that important, but…”

“I put in my two weeks notice.”

“What?” Seokjin pretty much yells across the table. “Are you fucking serious? Why?”

Jeongguk scratches the side of his head. “I don’t like feeling like I’ve stagnated. I have to feel like I’m moving up or towards something and…I wasn’t.”

Seokjin blinks. “But you literally just brought in one of the best investors we’ve had in years! Namjoon was going off about the bid for the entire morning, he was…I’m so confused. Is this. Is this about how you think Namjoon doesn’t ‘like’ you because I swear to God-“

“No. I’m. You were right,” Jeongguk says, feeling it’s particularly hard to talk about this suddenly.

“About what?”

It's the first time Jeongguk says this out loud, and he feels terrified.

“About me liking him. I like Namjoon. I think I’ve liked him for years,” Jeongguk says and Seokjin slumps back against his chair, reaching up to rub at his forehead.

“Fuck, Jeongguk,” he says after a moment of silence, then leans back into the table. “You know there are ways to work around this right? It’s just a crush, you could-“

“It’s not just a crush. If it was just a crush I’d get over it, clearly it’s…something else. I’m weird, okay? I think I have this obsession to like…feel needed by him, or noticed by him. And I've been convincing myself it's just a job thing this whole time.” Jeongguk waves his hand when Seokjin looks more and more confused with what he’s saying. They don't typically talk about their feelings and Jeongguk is starting to get uncomfortable. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. I don’t plan on doing anything about it, I understand it’s fucked. I just need to get away.”

“I’m…I wish you didn’t,” Seokjin says, starting to look less shocked and more glum.

“It’s okay. Honestly, I hope he’s happy. I think he’s fucking Taehyung, so.”

Seokjin’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “Uh. What?”

Jeongguk forks another piece of salmon into his mouth, chewing absently. “I dunno, I heard him on the phone with him on the night of the bid. It all happened during that weird fucked up fugue state I was in where I hated everyone a week ago.”

“I don’t think he’s fucking Taehyung.”

“Why not? Also, honestly, I don’t care. I really don't. I realized I was being-“

“I’m fucking Taehyung. Me. I’m the one who’s doing the fucking,” Seokjin pretty much yells, and when Jeongguk stares at him with wide eyes he weakly croaks a drawn out, unenthusiastic: “Surprise!”

“Wait. Really?”

“Yes,” Seokjin adds, slowly. “Also he’s been trying to get me to date him for like a whole week. At first it was like this fun no-strings-attached type thing, you know I sucked his dick, he sucked mine. But now he’s like wanting to go to France with me or something, wants us to be exclusive, honestly – I don’t know what to do. I was also on the phone with him that night, when you guys were on the bid, so. Probably me. Not Namjoon.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that?” Jeongguk asks, more intrigued than anything.

“Because I wasn’t sure what was going on yet? I guess?” Seokjin continues, beginning to look slightly overwhelmed. "Also you've been a little lord of darkness for these past few months, I've been scared to be around you, thought you might bite my dick off last time we had sex to be honest."

Jeongguk nods. “That's fair. Do you like him? Taehyung, I mean.”

Seokjin blows out a stream of air. “You know what, yeah. I think I do. He’s actually great.”

“He is great,” Jeongguk says, deciding not to get into the details of their embarrassing hotel encounter. That’s enough heartfelt discussion for tonight.

“So um, that’s what I was gonna say. That maybe we shouldn’t, you know. Maybe I shouldn’t enter you tonight.”

Jeongguk grimaces. “’Enter’ me? Jesus. Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.”

He’s not going to lie, he’s a little disappointed that he won’t be having sex tonight, but that’s where the emotion begins and ends. He’s happy that Seokjin is interested in Taehyung, and he’s also a little jittery from finding out that Namjoon isn’t having sex with Taehyung. Not the kind of jittery you feel when you’re happy, the other kind, when you suddenly realize you’ve been so wrong about so much for a long time.

When Seokjin leaves, it’s close to 1am. Generally, they go much later, but Jeongguk doesn’t want to drink and Seokjin keeps yawning so Jeongguk suggests that he’s tired even though he isn’t.

Before he exits Jeongguk’s apartment after their goodbyes he sort of lingers in the open doorway for a moment, hovering, then turns to face Jeongguk, putting his hands on his shoulders and staring at him.

“You’re great.”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes; Seokjin looks so serious it’s almost unnerving. “Thanks. Thank you, Jin.”

“You should tell Namjoon how you feel.”

“I don’t know.”

“Consider it.”

“Okay.”

Seokjin leans in and hugs him and Jeongguk wraps his arms around his broad back and presses his face into his shoulder. They stand for a few seconds before Seokjin separates and grabs at the back of his neck playfully. “See ya.”

“Bye.”

Jeongguk could really use a glass of wine but he goes or water instead, sitting and staring at his distorted reflection in his black TV screen for a few minutes before going to bed.

 


 

Jeongguk isn’t surprised to learn that he’s being sent on another trip, this time to one of his favourite cities.

He’s sure this is Namjoon’s way of trying to keep him. The last thing Jeongguk wants is to embarrass himself and tell Namjoon the real reason he’s leaving, so he avoids him for most of the day. Realistically speaking, his one-sided obsession with Namjoon is keeping him from reaching his fullest potential, so he has to leave and find it somewhere else, where Namjoon isn't.

Namjoon himself doesn’t seem too intent on speaking with Jeongguk either, but every now and again when he catches him looking his way his overall mood is dampened anyway.

Taehyung sidles by Jeongguk’s desk. “Want some pointers for your meeting?”

Jeongguk scoffs. “Sure, do you know someone I could ask?”

Taehyung laughs. Jeongguk hasn’t told anyone except Seokjin about his resignation, and he’s made him promise not to tell a soul. He doesn’t want the entire office coming up with reasons until he’s actually gone.

“Eugh, lucky you. I’ve been wanting to be sent there forever,” Taehyung says, sadly looking down at the plane ticket. “There’s some intense ice cream place with liquid nitrogen I really wanna try.”

“I’ll bring some back for you.”

Jeongguk’s been paying attention to Seokjin and Taehyung during this week, not because he doesn’t believe that they’re seeing each other, but because he’s curious to see how obvious they are about it.

They aren’t obvious.

The only semblance of flirtation Jeongguk noticed was yesterday, when Taehyung leaned in on Seokjin’s desk to take some papers and made a cute face.

Seokjin cleared his throat and rummaged through pens and papers, avoiding his gaze. Taehyung tilted his head and peered down into his eyeline to try and get a reaction, but Seokjin didn’t give in. At first. Eventually there was an annoyed sound and a swat on Taehyung’s head with a rolled-up folder, but Seokjin had that sort of horny smile on his face Jeongguk was familiar with. Taehyung walked away, seemingly satisfied.

To any one else, the encounter might not have seemed like anything. Is it easy? To work with someone you’re romantically seeing?

Jeongguk tries not to imagine.

When he’s packing his briefcase for the trip he grabs several important print-outs and binders, opening his cupboard to search for paperclips. He finds them, his hand coming in contact with The Pen.

He pulls it out of the cupboard and stares at it, turning it over in his hand, watching the light bounce off of it. It has a few scratches now, since Jeongguk hasn’t exactly treated it with the respect he gives his favourite items.

Namjoon seemed especially interested to know if he was using it earlier.

He frowns and places the pen in his briefcase, snapping it shut.

 


 

Jeongguk manages to sleep through the entire flight, which is rare. And when he gets to his hotel he has a moment where he wants to pull out his laptop to maybe check into DisgruntledOfficeBrat. Then again he’s not entirely disgruntled anymore.

Maybe if he changes the name? SadOfficeBrat. LonelyOfficeBrat. EmbarrassingOfficeBrat.

The room is much bigger than last time, it has a king bed and a large bathtub. He stands in the center of his room in a bathrobe. He has an hour until his meeting, so he reads through some of the notes on the investors. They don’t seem too complicated, and the bid isn’t too large.

He almost falls asleep but wills himself awake, walking to the Keurig machine and pouring himself two shots of espresso.

Yawning, he tugs on his button up, knotting his tie, sliding on his suit-jacket. He runs some styling grease through his hair with a hand and pops a mint in his mouth.

When he reaches into his briefcase to pull out his notebook he feels something smooth and cylindrical roll against his hand. He pulls out the pen and drops it in his pocket.

He arrives twenty minutes earlier than the planned meeting time, as usual, sitting at the bar and ordering a cranberry juice with ice. He’s going through some of the documents when he smells a familiar cologne and sees a blur of fabric sidle into the chair next to him.

“Jeongguk.”

It’s Namjoon.

“What the fuck,” Jeongguk says, staring at his boss.

He’s wearing a black button up and no tie, his hand is poised slightly as if he's planning on jumping to catch Jeongguk if he tries to bolt.

“I wanna talk,” Namjoon says, shaking his head when the bartender comes by. “Can we go back to your room?”

“The investors,” Jeongguk says dumbly, looking around.

“There are no investors. I lied.”

“You lied,” Jeongguk repeats, stunned and not entirely taking in the situation to its full extent. What is this?

“Yeah. Can we go back to your room?” he asks again and Jeongguk stands up, his body acting on its own accord without any sort of direction from his mind. On one hand he wants to wind back and punch Namjoon in the face - on the other hand he wants to pull him into a vicious hug and never let him go.

They wordlessly walk back to Jeongguk’s room, silent through the elevator ride, through keying into the room, through Jeongguk sitting down on his bed, his hands down by his sides, numb.

Namjoon is standing.

“I want to start somewhere, so I’m going to start here,” he finally says after a moment of just staring at the floor. “I know about your webcam show.”

Jeongguk feels his heart sink but he manages to keeps his gaze steady.

“How?” he asks after a moment and his voice comes out a lot smaller than he intended.

Namjoon runs his tongue across his bottom lip and takes a small step back. “One of your…PayPal transactions, or whatever. It used the company WiFi. Maybe it ran through late, I don’t know, but the internal auditor caught it in the web of transactions using our WiFi, and typically it’s not a big deal, most our employees receive money for whatever legal reason. But there was something weird about the email you were using. So I googled.”

He was receiving payments while at work. He didn't even consider that. “Wouldn’t that be…” 

“Grounds for termination? Yeah. Using company WiFi to receive payments for that. I know it wasn’t on purpose, but HR wouldn’t know that. If I had told them.”

Jeongguk stares at him, his heart beating loudly in his chest. “You watched me?”

It's the first thing in his mind. Namjoon watched him touching himself, fucking himself...talking shit?

“I wasn’t planning on watching you, I swear. But the first time I found you, you launched right into a rant. About me, about your job. It hurt but then I got to keep track of how you felt, and I know it was…I was wrong, obviously. It was fucked up of me to watch you. Especially because.” Namjoon stops himself, raising a hand to wipe at his face, exhausted. “I’m attracted to you.”

“Wait,” Jeongguk finally says, standing up. “What the fuck are you talking about?” There are so many topics at play right now that Jeongguk doesn’t know what to focus on.

“I guess we’re moving onto this,” Namjoon starts. “You really never considered it?”

Jeongguk thinks this is a huge elaborate prank at this point, but something else gnaws at him. “In the chatroom. Did you interact with me? You interacted with me, right? That was you. Oh my God.” he starts to pace a little, his hands flitting out the bottoms of his shirt from his pants, airing himself out. He wants to collapse and disappear. He wants to shrivel into small point and vanish between the molecules in the air.

“Yeah. Schadenfreude. I thought I was getting obvious at some point.”

I notice you.

“You were. I should have fucking known that was you,” Jeongguk stammers.

Namjoon stares at Jeongguk for a few moments before continuing, like he's making sure he still has a right to talk.

“Naturally, after that I had to push you away somehow. I even considered firing you. I was looking for an excuse to get rid of you but when I found it I couldn’t do it. I tried to be subtle – I wasn’t. You picked up on everything. But I gave you the wrong impression, I pushed you away because I’m your boss, for fuck’s sake. I’m supposed to be something you look up to, I’m supposed to set an example for my company.”

“You watched me fuck myself.” Jeongguk finds himself on focusing parts of the situation Namjoon is clearly trying to avoid, but he’s slowly horrified when he thinks about what his boss saw him do. All nine and a half inches of what he watched him do.

Namjoon winces. “I know you won’t believe me when I say this, but I looked away for most of your shows. I admit I watched a little of what you did…it was the best I could get. I know that sounds sick. I wanted you so bad. It was the safest way, when I thought about it.”

To hear Namjoon say that, to hear him say he ‘wanted’ Jeongguk, makes the year of torment seem like a fart in the wind. “I thought you were pushing me away because I was bad at what I did. I thought you were tired of me. You said… you said as - whatever your screen name was…you told me I sound obsessed with my boss. You must have known. You know.”

Namjoon straightens out a little. “That’s the last point on my list of topics. I had a feeling you were attracted to me too. You aren’t one to try hard to impress anyone, you know you’re good at what you do. Then again, I knew I couldn’t say anything until I was sure. I’m still not sure, but you gave me that notice of resignation and my fucking world fell apart, so I don’t care if it’s one-sided at this point. I have nothing to lose.”

Jeongguk thinks about lying for a moment. He decides not to. “You’re right. I was attracted to you. I still am.”

Namjoon’s face appears to be on the verge of smiling but he reels it back in, like he’s certain there are obstacles to his happiness.

“That night,” Namjoon continues, when Jeongguk sits back down on the bed, swiping his tongue across his dry lips. “When we were back at the hotel, after we drank at the networking party…you were lying in bed. Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to crawl on top of you?”

“I wanted you to,” Jeongguk says softly, looking up.

“How can I fix this?” Namjoon asks walking towards Jeongguk, who sits on the bed with his legs spread.

He gets on his knees on the hotel floor in front of Jeongguk, his hands on the blankets at the outer sides of Jeongguk’s thighs, close but not daring to touch him. It’s such an intimate position Jeongguk can already feel heat pooling in his stomach, but it’s hard to pick the sensation out above the other emotions swimming along with it: shame, betrayal, trepidation. He’s never gazed down at Namjoon before, he’s never seen him looking this vulnerable.

It feels like his eye-sockets are burning, he wants to talk but he’s scared he’s going to cry so he just stares into Namjoon’s eyes, breathing hard. He wanted me. He still wants me. It's such an embarrassing emotion but he can't help feeling it.

Everything else he was feeling at work just sort of disappears, like they were byproducts of this one thing.

“I’ll be okay,” Namjoon suddenly says. “If you hate me, that’s fine. I just want to fix what I fucked up for you. Or at least try to. Please tell me.”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “I don't hate you. I can't hate you. It's fucked. Shouldn't I leave anyway? I mean, if I can't be with you - I'd. I don't want to-"

“No, you shouldn't leave,” Namjoon says, firmly. “You’re one of- no, you know what, you’re the best worker I’ve ever had. And I'm not just saying that because I'm attracted to you. You deserve to grow, you have the potential, you deserve everything.”

"I think I can get really obsessive with things I want,” Jeongguk finally says, staring down at his lap, away from Namjoon’s bespectacled face. "And usually I can get them, because they're just, like, material things. But this time, I couldn't get what I wanted. And I don't think I could cope with that."

“It’s a trait I saw in you that we share,” Namjoon admits, staring down at the blankets. His fingers slightly twitch, like he wants to move his hands and put them on Jeongguk's thighs.

Jeongguk reaches out, and his hand is shaking slightly, Namjoon looks up just as the tips of Jeongguk’s fingers touch slightly around the side of his boss’s glasses. “I think…it was easier for me to believe you just didn’t like me as a worker than to think I liked you and you didn’t like me back.”

Namjoon’s lips are parted and he’s looking at Jeongguk in that way he loves, the way that inspires him to keep talking. But this time he doesn’t want to keep talking because he’s already said a lot more than he ever planned to. At least in one go.

He lifts his other hand to the side of Namjoon’s glasses and picks them off his face, folding them. He’s never really looked at Namjoon’s face without glasses this close before. His skin is unblemished and smooth, but the more he stares the more he sees soft lines of worry begin to crease into the slate of his forehead.

Jeongguk puts the glasses beside himself on the bed and leans his face down, not kissing Namjoon but rather coming as close as possible. He feels the gusts of air leaving Namjoon’s nose, fast and choppy, against Jeongguk's philtrum. Namjoon slowly presses against the bed beside Jeongguk’s thighs, pushing himself up until he’s standing but his face is still bent down, close to Jeongguk's.

“I notice you,” Namjoon whispers, against Jeongguk’s mouth. “You’re perfect. I had to try hard not to notice you. And I fucked up.”

Jeongguk’s eyes are closed. He considers how he has gotten sick over trying to excel at his job, thinking it was maybe just all for himself, to prove a point. But now he knows it wasn’t just for himself.

He loves the feeling that Namjoon needs him back. He even loves knowing that all the stupid shit he did had such a simple, almost juvenile explanation. Their foreheads press together.

“Think about it, okay? About not leaving,” Namjoon says, suddenly breaking their skin-contact. Jeongguk immediately feels like he wants to pull him back. That was too soon, he didn’t take it all in. “Think about what you want out of your job, out of me, and then we’ll talk about it tomorrow morning, before we head out to fly back.”

I already know. Please.

Namjoon is clearly holding back a lot of things he wants to say, like he’s trying to be objective out of respect for Jeongguk as a worker. He doesn’t want to cloud Jeongguk’s decision with loving comments and touches.

Still, Jeongguk can’t help imagine what sort of things Namjoon might be saying right now if they were to have fast-forwarded through all of the clinical aspects of this. Maybe he’d tell him what he feels about him, not just his work. Maybe he’d smile like how he did when Jeongguk picked out his pen. Back before they both caught feelings.

In his own head, Jeongguk has already prepared exactly what he wants.

Jeongguk sleeps alone that night, in his underwear, his blanket thrust to the end of the bed. Namjoon has booked his own room and while this all makes perfect sense, Jeongguk wishes they didn’t have to talk about anything else. He wishes he could finally have what he wants, regardless of the fine-print. He’s tired of the race.

He tosses over to the right, his hand under his pillow. After a moment he feels hot and flops over onto his back, pulling the pillow out from behind his head and flinging it to the side of the bed. He stares at the dark ceiling fixtures.

What if Namjoon suggests Jeongguk take on a more favourable position but recommend that they don’t see each other? What if he views this whole thing as a failure? He didn’t mention anything about what he wants other than the fact that Jeongguk is good at his job and that he shouldn’t quit.

He sits up in bed, suddenly scared. Rolling over, he slips off the edge and drops down into a plank position. He takes a deep breath and does fifty quick push-ups, trying to clear his mind. That ought to work.

He crawls back onto his bed and lies on his back again. His arms are extended up, airing his armpits. This isn’t helping.

He gets back up and lunges off the bed, adjusting his crotch and walking over to the desk, grabbing his key-card. He pushes against the cold suite door, opening it into the empty, long, hotel hallway. Namjoon’s room is three down from his, he remembers because Namjoon was explaining how close he booked them and how surprised he was Jeongguk didn’t see him earlier.

He raps softly at the door and stands for a moment, slightly chilled from the AC. After a few moments of silence he tries again and hears hurried footsteps.

The door cracks open and Namjoon stares at him, then down at his bare chest, down at his wrinkled boxer shorts. “What the hell are you doing?” he makes frantic eye-contact, his voice hushed.

“I can’t sleep, let me in.”

“No.”

“What? Why not?” Jeongguk asks, and he’s immediately shushed.

Namjoon looks like he wants to fucking cry. “You’re.” He stares at him. “Go put a t-shirt on then come back.”

Jeongguk decides this makes him want to enter Namjoon’s room more than he did a few seconds ago.

He pushes up against the door and Namjoon leans back from the crack. “Come on, I’ll stand as far away from you as possible,” he lies.

Namjoon sighs and steps back, letting Jeongguk break the barrier between them and slip into the room.

“Wow, this is much nicer than my room.”

His boss scoffs and runs a hand through his hair. He’s still in his day-clothes and there are papers strewn on the desk.

“Are you working?” Jeongguk asks, inching towards the pages before Namjoon cuts into his path.

“Just reading up on some stuff,” Namjoon says, looking older and more tired than he did only a little while ago.

“Let’s have the conversation now,” Jeongguk says.

“Jeongguk, sleep, then we’ll talk about it tomorrow when you’re well rested.” His boss is smiling slightly and his voice is soft and all sorts of sensual when he’s trying to appease Jeongguk.

“But I know what you’re going to say,” Jeongguk admits, pre-annoyed with the outcome and it hasn’t even happened yet.

Namjoon raises an eyebrow. “How’s that possible if I don’t even know what I’m going to say?”

“You’re going to say you’ll leave me alone and that I should just keep working for the company.” Jeongguk watches the look on Namjoon’s face and it doesn’t appear to change much. He takes his glasses off and turns the desk-chair around to face Jeongguk, sitting down in it.

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Namjoon says after a moment of silence between the two of them. “But you’re right, I’m going to say that.”

Jeongguk feels kind of dumb standing in front of his fully-dressed boss wearing nothing but a flimsy pair of boxer shorts.

“I don’t want you to leave me alone. I’d rather-“ Jeongguk thinks for a moment before he says something he might regret later and when his conscience doesn’t come up with a good enough reason to stop he keeps going: “I want both. I want to work for you and I want to…” He shrugs.

Namjoon’s eyes are fixed on Jeongguk’s face and he appears calm and collected, but his long fingers fidget with the chair’s arm cushions, suggesting otherwise. “The last thing I’d want is to do something stupid that might potentially hurt the people who work for me.”

“Well, I’d be hurt,” Jeongguk says, feeling like he’s getting the short end of the stick again. “I’d be the one who’s hurt if you tell me to just work and forget about you. We'd be back at square one. Worse than square one."

He doesn’t want this to sound like he’s coercing Namjoon into agreeing to date him, but he also wants to be honest and the truth is, yeah, he’ll be fucking depressed. The whole point of him wanting to leave was because he couldn't stand not being wanted by Namjoon. If he knows Namjoon wants him back but they just have to pretend he doesn't, it'd be even worse. His boss suggesting a shitty plan of action, or lack of action.

Namjoon seems so relaxed when making intricate decisions involving bids and investments, but right now in this room he seems nothing like a man who has anything under control. Jeongguk likes both sides of him, he likes all sides of him.

“You look so serious saying that,” Namjoon smiles and Jeongguk steps towards his chair, causing his boss’s mouth to falter again.

“Stop looking so upset every time I move towards you,” Jeongguk says, reaching out to press his fingers against Namjoon’s cheek.

“You’re really bossy when you want something, you know that?” Namjoon says, reaching up to take Jeongguk’s wrist and move his hand away. “I guess this is why you do so well in business."

That reminds Jeongguk: “Did you know Seokjin is fucking Taehyung?”

Namjoon raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

Jeongguk nods.

“So, what. They’re an example of a discreet office romance?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk frowns. “I’m careful. You’re careful, we’re both careful, no one gets hurt.”

“Why do you like me?” Namjoon suddenly asks, his eyes studying Jeongguk intently. He’s seen this look before, this fascination in how Jeongguk operates – it’s a specific sort of curiosity that appears to be exclusive to Namjoon.

Jeongguk stares at him because he stole his question. He tries to come up with something that won’t sound ridiculous. “Remember the pen you got me?”

“Remember? Of course I remember, do you remember? I asked you about it a little while ago and you…you said you didn’t know where it was,” Namjoon sounds slightly hurt.

“I fucking lied, of course I knew where it was. I just threw it in my cupboard ‘cos it reminded me of you and you were- look, that’s not the point,” Jeongguk says, coaxing. “I have the pen. I brought it.”

Namjoon looks a little relieved which makes Jeongguk’s heart beat a little faster, so he continues: “You said something about how it makes you happy. I feel that way any time I’m around you, so…”

Jeongguk has never been tremendously skilled at putting thoughts into words, at least out loud. But he supposes the message is well received because Namjoon is staring down into his own lap. He looks up and extends his hand out, reaching, and there’s something weirdly biblical about the gesture. He was always good at taking Jeongguk's jumbled thoughts and putting them in order.

Jeongguk stares at his hand then walks forward, sliding his knee between Namjoon’s legs; Namjoon’s hand presses against his bare shoulder as Jeongguk leans in. “I’d sit, but this chair is gonna break.”

Namjoon smiles, nodding. “I just wanted to…this is fine,” Namjoon says, his thumb rubbing against the juncture between Jeongguk’s neck and his shoulder. “Okay.”

“Okay what?” Jeongguk asks because Namjoon seems like he may have slipped into some sort of trance.

“Let’s see each other. While you work for me.” Namjoon’s voice falls in decibels as he talks, like they’re in some sort of spy movie.

Jeongguk tries to hold his face back from presenting a sick sort of the smile that accurately depicts how he's feeling. “Okay. Good decision, boss.”

Namjoon squints and seems to be walking the fine line of deciding whether to tell Jeongguk not to call him that or being aroused by it. He looks like he’s settled for the latter, though ashamed. He lifts his other hand to push Jeongguk’s bangs back.

“Can we kiss now?” Jeongguk asks.

“We still should, you know. Talk a bit. But yeah, I guess we can kiss now.”

Jeongguk leans in just as Namjoon moves his face up and before Jeongguk can figure out what he wants to do with the kiss, Namjoon decides Jeongguk’s bottom lip is his target. The kiss is strangely soft and Jeongguk has been waiting so long for this moment, subconsciously, that his mind doesn’t really know how to react to it.

Jeongguk can feel himself sweating again under Namjoon’s touch, just that one hand on his neck, sliding down to his arm, squeezing. His knee is still awkwardly wedged between Namjoon’s legs on the chair. He pushes in slightly, getting only a small feel of Namjoon's firm crotch against his knee when his boss's other hand comes down on Jeongguk’s bare thigh. “Not now, not here.”

Jeongguk groans into the kiss and relents. “You’re going to say to take this slow, right? Oh God.”

“Let’s take this slow. I have a lot going on in my head right now,” Namjoon teases and Jeongguk’s slouches because he’s tired too and he never really considered it until right now. “Let’s sleep, okay? Do you want to…sleep here with me?”

Jeongguk thinks Namjoon looks like he just asked him to prom. He grins. “I’d love to sleep in the same bed as you, yeah.”

Namjoon’s night-preparation has more steps than Jeongguk’s, but he doesn’t mind watching him from the bed.

Namjoon begins to unbutton his shirt and step into the washroom.

“Wait,” Jeongguk says, sitting up. “I wanna see.”

“Hm? See what?” Namjoon asks, his hands paused and when Jeongguk glances down he all but blushes. “Ah. You’ll be disappointed,” he says, very seriously. He starts to unbutton again, nonetheless.

“No, I won’t,” Jeongguk says, shy suddenly when Namjoon slides his shirt off. He’s taller and broader than Jeongguk, and his skin has the type of hue Jeongguk can’t stop imagining pressed against his own. He’s not hugely built, but he looks lean and athletic, like he probably runs and swims. Jeongguk begins to think about running and swimming together before and after work shifts. He starts coming up with so many different scenarios in such quick succession that he zones out.

“You’re staring and I can’t read the look on your face,” Namjoon says after a moment, standing shirtless with his hands on his waist.

“I’m thinking.”

“About what?”

“You said you want to take it slow, so I shouldn’t say,” Jeongguk warns, not attempting to hide how hungry he looks. Namjoon flickers on the spot.

“Relentless.” He finally steps into the washroom.

Jeongguk lies against the blankets again. He’s tired but his nerves feel especially jittery.

Namjoon emerges after a few minutes and stands by the foot of the bed, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of long pajama pants. He looks so casual and domestic like this, Jeongguk can’t help but reach out like he wants Namjoon to pick him up or something – he doesn’t know what he’s thinking with the gesture, but Namjoon laughs and crawls into the bed.

“Wow,” he says when Jeongguk burrows his face into Namjoon’s chest and groans.

“What.” Jeongguk’s voice is muffled against the shirt.

“I just never…imagined I’d be holding you like this,” Namjoon says and that’s exactly the sentiment Jeongguk has been thinking about for the last five minutes but it was clouded by nerves earlier.

Jeongguk nods, his face still pushed firm against Namjoon’s soft chest. Namjoon is on his side, his free arm extended to press against Jeongguk’s bare back, holding him close.

“Let’s just…pretend work doesn’t exist,” Jeongguk mumbles, breathing in Namjoon’s scent this close for the first time, immediately becoming acquainted with every note in his body’s chemistry.

Namjoon presses a soft kiss against the top of Jeongguk’s head. He doesn’t remember who exactly starts it, but they lazily kiss for a little while before dozing off, neither of them wanting to discuss anything else any further. Like this moment is just a snapshot of a train of events that don't matter. For now.

 


 

‘Taking it slow’ is not a life-function Jeongguk has ever included in his repertoire. Namjoon, on the other hand, appears to take almost everything slow. He has this habit of wanting to completely understand a concept before making a decision – it’s one of the traits Jeongguk was first drawn to.

That being said, it’s less of a turn on when the concept Namjoon wants to understand is Jeongguk, and that he’s the thing that is being taken slowly. He doesn’t want to be taken slow, he wants Namjoon to pulverize him and take him like a shot of tequila.

Jeongguk paces himself too, because he’s so overcome with the idea of their ‘togetherness’ that he might go off the rails. It’s been a few days since they started seeing each other and things are slightly awkward between the two of them.

Namjoon wants to talk a lot - about what they both want, about what this all means - and Jeongguk just wants to sink into his arms.

Tonight, the topic is Jeongguk’s cam shows - he wants them to sort out the bones in Jeongguk’s closet and Jeongguk isn’t as thrilled. That being said, he isn’t familiar with his own mentality either, so he’s okay with Namjoon helping him figure it out.

Jeongguk is sitting on Namjoon’s armchair with a cup of hot-chocolate in his hands and Namjoon is sitting across from him on the loveseat.

“You called me el chapo. And you said you wanted to piss in my coffee,” Namjoon says, smirking.

Oh. Right to that, huh.

“Still do,” Jeongguk says, raising the glass to his lips.

Namjoon laughs but scratches at the side of his head. “I upset you that much..."

“You already know I was saying that stuff because I was in a dark place,” Jeongguk feels on the spot. “What about you? You told me I did my best after I sat on a 9 inch dildo.”

Namjoon nods sheepishly. “I was speaking…metaphorically.”

“Deep.”

“Literally, yeah.”

Jeongguk grins and puts the cup on the table, padding over to Namjoon’s loveseat and lying down with his head in Namjoon’s lap, looking up at him. This usually makes Namjoon less likely to ask pressing questions.

Namjoon strokes at his hair and Jeongguk decides to keep talking. “I’m sorry if I made you upset. Saying those things.”

Namjoon shakes his head. “I understand. I just wanted to know your thought process. I hate thinking I hurt you enough to say that stuff.”

“It was the situation, it wasn’t you. You never hurt me.” Jeongguk raises his hand to press against Namjoon’s neck, fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Do you… do you like that sort of stuff?” Namjoon asks suddenly, his voice slightly strained.

“What stuff?”

“You’d do pretty, uh, heavy stuff on your shows.” Jeongguk watches the look on Namjoon’s face as he talks, and he’s not making much eye-contact now, focusing mainly on his fingers in Jeongguk’s bangs.

“I’ve always liked rough sex, yeah. Is this the next topic?” Jeongguk tugs at Namjoon’s hair behind his head and admires the way his Adam’s apple moves as he laughs.

It isn’t the next topic, in fact, they rarely talk about sex during these hot chocolate sessions. Instead, Jeongguk tells Namjoon about where he sees himself in a few years, hopefully as someone who does bids with their sister company too. He knows this has very little to do with Namjoon and more to do with how the head-office of the other company feels about Jeongguk, but aspirations are aspirations, so he shares them.

When Namjoon asks Jeongguk if he was actually upset about going on bids with Taehyung, and the nature of Taehyung’s hiring in general, Jeongguk admits it was displaced feelings and that he genuinely likes the negotiator and enjoys working with him.

It’s nice, being able to talk about this kind of stuff with Namjoon in the flesh instead of on an internet forum with his dick in his hand and a finger up his ass.

It’s also nice knowing that when the day is over Jeongguk can look forward to saying goodbye to Namjoon like they’re just coworkers then get into his car and literally drive to his apartment.

On the other hand, he’ll find himself wanting to walk into Namjoon’s office when he’s overwhelmed with work and just stretching himself across his boss’s lap.

Instead, he’ll have to enter the office and tell him about a particularly interesting statistic he read.

Jeongguk isn’t used to ‘dating’, he’s used to hook-ups. This isn’t because he doesn’t crave romance, just maybe he’s always craved it from people who were unattainable, like Namjoon. Now that Namjoon has been attained, they both seem hesitant to dive in to what romance really means between the two of them. They’re mostly just talking and airing things out, occasionally making out, occasionally rubbing up against each other – it’s slightly maddening.

Their first truly sexually explicit encounter occurred a week after they began to really ‘see’ each other.

Neither of them knew what that even meant, so it was hard to launch off the pad.

Namjoon was massaging at Jeongguk’s chest as he read through a document he placed on the sheets next to them, his other hand was holding a glass of wine. Jeongguk arched into his touch and Namjoon did not seem to be paying attention, his eyes darting back and forth across the page on the bed next to him.

Eventually Jeongguk sat up and took the wine from Namjoon’s hand and chugged it (his first sip of alcohol in over a month), tossing the empty glass down next to the document on the bed. Namjoon blinked at him. “Yes?”

Jeongguk leaned in to kiss, and they made out for a few minutes before Jeongguk unzipped Namjoon’s pants and snaked his hand down into his boxers. Namjoon didn’t stop him, in fact, he was half-hard by the time Jeongguk got to his dick. He tried to hold back the excitement emanating from the thought of holding Namjoon’s cock in his hand for the first time, like it was a trophy. He decided to give him a very slow, very wet blowjob.

Namjoon just massaged his fingers into Jeongguk’s hair and let out soft, low groans every so often. Jeongguk was the hardest he had ever been in his life by the end, he felt like his balls were about to explode. They resumed kissing, Namjoon pressed him into the bed and Jeongguk thought he was going to cum right then and there, but Namjoon’s phone rang and he immediately launched towards it.

The feeling of horniness slowly faded into blood-lust as he stared at the ceiling, his hard dick tenting the front of his pajama bottoms.

After that they didn’t have much of a chance to do anything wildly explicit, but Namjoon did end up blowing him too; it was fucking phenomenal and Jeongguk was satiated for about 14 minutes.

Namjoon's place is definitely swankier than Jeongguk's, but the inside of his apartment isn't as glitzy as the outside suggests. In fact, Jeongguk finds himself feeling very much at home each time he arrives. His furniture is minimalist, but his room is cozy and quite colourful.

This time - like the last few times - Jeongguk has his backpack with him, and Namjoon always laughs when he sees it. He says it makes it look like he's going to war, and when Jeongguk reminds him it's just clothes and snacks and his shower supplies, Namjoon suggests he leave some of that stuff here at his apartment.

"So you don't have to carry it each time," Namjoon says as he pulls soda and other side-dishes out of the fridge. "And if you told me what kind of power-bars you eat I could just pick some up."

Jeongguk can't help feeling a swell of joy at the thought that Namjoon is so casually suggesting these things.

They eat, and Jeongguk continues to eat after Namjoon is finished. Typically, Namjoon just sits at the table and watches until Jeongguk is full, making comments, grinning at the weird combinations of food he likes to make.

It's nice to settle into this kind of routine, where they just sit together and do things couples do: eat, talk, kiss.

The pool looks like something from a romance movie at night, with the lights reflecting on the surface of the water. They're both in black swimming trunks and Namjoon has barely placed his towel on the stone ground when Jeongguk dives inside.

"If you start doing laps I'm going to bed," Namjoon says when Jeongguk's head emerges.

"Come 'ere," Jeongguk beckons with his head and Namjoon takes a step back then does a running jump into the pool.

They swim for a little while and kiss lazily against the pool stone as the still water slowly laps around them. They separate when some other tenants decide they too want to go for a night swim. 

They make their way back up to Namjoon's suite in their swim trunks and wet t-shirts, slapping each others' asses with their towels. Jeongguk takes a particularly intense swipe at Namjoon's ass that almost doubles him over. He howls in pain and has to shush Jeongguk's laughter when they get out of the elevator while simultaneously rubbing at his ass. Jeongguk ignores him and attempts another swipe because it's fucking hilarious watching all 6'1" of his boss flail around like a noodle.

When Namjoon closes the door with them both inside he pins Jeongguk against the wall. "Disgruntled Office Brat was a really fitting name."

Scolding. He loves this part.

"That's my brand. But I'm not disgruntled anymore." Jeongguk slips his hand down against Namjoon's crotch, still wet from their swim.

"Oh...satiated office brat?"

"No. I'm not satiated."

"Ah."

The way Namjoon is talking is getting Jeongguk harder by the syllable. Jeongguk wants him to just fuck him against the wall like this, pinned, continuing to say things in this exact tone of voice. But then that wouldn't be taking it slow. Jeongguk would typically just turn this entire situation explicit if it was anyone else, but while he wants all of that, he also doesn't want Namjoon to feel uncomfortable with the pace of their relationship.

He slumps against the wall and just smiles up at Namjoon who seems partly taken aback by his sudden sweet demeanor.

He leans in and kisses Jeongguk, his hands loving now, against his arms. "You've got goosebumps, let's hop in the shower."

 


 

Jeongguk watches Namjoon talk to the board-room at their quarter meeting. He can’t help feel his heart inflate every time he sees Namjoon lecturing in front of a quiet room. He’s so proud and turned on and in love, he doesn’t know which emotion to settle on.

Namjoon was one of the youngest people to generate the amount of profit he did for a company that was doing relatively poorly under the CEO before him. He inherited a pile of shit and somehow turned the situation around with him and his employees. And now he's the CEO, and he's giving quarterly conferences on his own watch. He’s incredible.  

Jeongguk watches him ramble about some recent company goals, news about preferred shareholders, and other generally tedious stuff saved for for these meetings. He’s staring intently, his foot tapping against the ground as Namjoon speaks.

He wants to stand up in the middle of this meeting and walk over to his desk, dramatically sweep his arms across it, crawl on top of it and pull him into a kiss. Namjoon is strongly against the idea of doing anything "of that sort" in his office, which makes Jeongguk turned on by the idea even more. Still, he understands and respects his boring wishes. This thoroughness is part of the reason Jeongguk is so attracted to him, anyway.

Seokjin appears to be slightly dozing off next to Jeongguk. He digs his heel into the top of his coworker’s expensive shoe and he jolts awake with a yelp, drawing looks from Namjoon and the rest of the room.

“Having a nightmare there, Seokjin?” Namjoon asks, amused.

Seokjin shakes his head vigorously. “Uh, no. Just, thinking. Those are. Good numbers, lots of good numbers.” He attempts to save but Namjoon was talking about company cut-backs so he ends up just looking foolish, which is great. Still, Namjoon is merciful, so he nods and continues.

Seokjin glares at Jeongguk and when they leave the office he pulls him towards the water cooler. “While I’m super glad you’re finally getting railed by our boss, you don’t have to be his over-eager little guard-dog.”

Jeongguk calmly straightens out his tie. “You went on for an hour about eating Taehyung’s ass after your first date with him, but sure I’m the eager one.”

Seokjin draws his voice to a whisper. “Eating ass is an art-form, you’re damn right I’m going to talk about it, I’m sorry that you-“

“Jeongguk,” Namjoon’s voice calls from the office. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Seokjin smiles and pokes his tongue into his cheek obscenely. “Talk to you later, I guess,” he says and Jeongguk aggressively shoulder-checks him into the water-cooler as walks into the office.

He closes the door behind him. “You needed me?”

Namjoon nods slowly, putting the folder in his hands down on the desk. “How do you feel about the latest bid?”

“I think I can get them on board.”

“I think so too,” Namjoon smiles. “You might want to bring a calculator, these guys are big on numbers.”

Jeongguk nods and reaches into his pocket to pull out a notepad and pen. He’s making notes and he hears Namjoon’s little pleased exhalation, so he looks up. Namjoon’s staring at the pen.

“You do that every time I pull this thing out,” Jeongguk laughs.

“Makes me happy.”

“How happy?" Jeongguk teases.

"God, I want to fuck you," Namjoon says suddenly, plainly and then looks surprised with himself.

Jeongguk stares at him with wide eyes, his pen hovering above the notepad. "Wow," is all he can manage.

"Sorry," Namjoon continues and licks his lips. "I just. You look so incredibly great today. You always look great. But especially today... I can't stop thinking about it."

Jeongguk isn't sure what exactly he's wearing today that is any different than practically every other day of the week. He never keeps track of what work outfit he's wearing. Regardless, he finds himself speechless in the shadow of Namjoon's sudden candor.

Jeongguk finally manages something brighter than a surprised smirk. "It's just interesting, I guess. You tell me you don't want to talk about that stuff in your office and then, you know, suddenly say that," he teases.

"I know," Namjoon admits. "I'm sorry. Was that-"

"No," Jeongguk quickly interrupts. "No, no, God no, it's great. I love it. Always say it." He needs to fix this situation before Namjoon and his massive brain start overthinking the situation and set their fuck back another 40 weeks.

Namjoon smirks and shakes his head. “Come over for dinner after work?"

Jeongguk taps at Namjoon’s shoulder with his pen. “I would love to come over for dinner tonight. I can’t wait to have dinner with you."

Namjoon tuts but his cheeks are slightly red and his dimples are especially prominent as he leads Jeongguk out of the office.

Seokjin is at Taehyung's desk, trying to look as professional as he can while Taehyung shows him photos of vacation destinations. He sees Jeongguk walking out and shoots him a glare, apparently still annoyed from Jeongguk foiling his boardroom nap.

Jeongguk is thrilled right now, though - he just smiles back brightly in response and Seokjin's own face morphs to confusion, then slight disgust.

 


 

Back at the apartment, Jeongguk decides he wants to skip dessert.

Namjoon has just finished clearing the table by himself; Jeongguk spends this time in the washroom making sure he still looks fuckable after eating eight times his body-weight.

Sex takes some preparation, Jeongguk is very well versed. He douched at his apartment and as he was doing it felt a weird sense of excitement. Jeongguk isn't typically 'excited' to have sex, it's usually just a thing he does to make sure he doesn't lose his mind. He figures this is because he hasn't been in any truly romantic relationship where he's in love (for-real love) and the mere thought of the other person makes him excited. Thinking of having sex with Namjoon genuinely makes him excited. Not only that, it feels especially delicious to know they've moved slightly past Taking It Slow.

When Jeongguk emerges from the washroom, fully clothed, Namjoon is sitting on the couch, reading through emails on his phone. He has a glass of whiskey in his hand and on the table, there's a cup of hot chocolate for Jeongguk (he knows he doesn't drink anymore and never presses the issue).

Jeongguk crawls onto the couch and when Namjoon doesn't react he leans in and kisses him on the neck. Namjoon finally glances up. "Hi there."

"Hi," Jeongguk says, smiling and pressing his hand against Namjoon's phone screen, pushing it down as he kisses him on the lips.

They make-out for several minutes and Namjoon's breathing is choppy when Jeongguk pulls away, he stands up and grabs his hand. "Bedroom."

Namjoon doesn't even glance at the perfectly hot, untouched beverage on the table and lets Jeongguk yank him to his room.

They kiss standing up for a few minutes and Namjoon eventually goes to the other side of the bed to take off his glasses and tie -- the pre-sex routine is Jeongguk's least favourite time, so he hurries.

Namjoon isn't as with-it, though. “Don’t take that off yet, come here,” he says as Jeongguk is frantically undressing.

Jeongguk stops undoing his belt and practically pole-vaults across the bed to where Namjoon is standing, in a tshirt, without his glasses.

“My suit?” Jeongguk asks, pressing himself to Namjoon. He reaches up and rubs his finger against the dents Namjoon's glasses left on the bridge of his nose.

“Mm.”

“Right, right. You like that stuff,” Jeongguk kisses at his neck and Namjoon laughs.

“I didn’t think I was until, well…your shows.”

Typically comments about Jeongguk’s abandoned cam-shows are spoken in jest, but it’s obvious Namjoon has a hint of something else in his voice this time.

Jeongguk leans back, staring at him seriously. “Give me ten thousand tokens and I’ll let you choke me with your tie.”

Namjoon laughs but he’s gripping Jeongguk’s waist, hard. “Now that I think about it, I gave you a lot of tokens.”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I wanted to help out, genuinely. I thought you might be having financial problems or something. I mean, deep down I knew you weren’t, but I’d worry.”

Jeongguk kisses him on the lips. “I’m fine,” he whispers against his mouth.

“I know,” Namjoon says, tugging him closer, their crotches touching.

“But I won’t give them back,” Jeongguk continues and feels Namjoon grinning against his lips.

“You’re so sweet.”

“You don’t have to pay to choke me,” Jeongguk says, reaching down to Namjoon’s dick and Namjoon’s own hand drops down to grab Jeongguk’s wrist.

“Get on the bed.”

Jeongguk feels his rebelliousness sublimate and dissolve into the air around him and he backs up towards the bed, sitting down.

They’re kissing and Jeongguk is pressed into the sheets, sweating profusely under his dress-shirt. Namjoon doesn’t appear to be making any move to take it off, starting to work instead below Jeongguk’s waist, pressing his hand against his crotch. “You’re so hot,” Namjoon’s lips are against his ear now and Jeongguk feels like his head is spinning hearing him say it in that sort of tone, after so many weeks of taking it slow.

“S-so are you,” Jeongguk breathes as Namjoon massages at his crotch. He genuinely feels like he might faint at this point, a literal pool of sweat forming in the divot below his adam’s apple.

Namjoon seems to notice because he coos and begins unbuttoning Jeongguk's shirt, patting at his forehead with the back of one hand. “You okay?”

Jeongguk nods as Namjoon helps him peel the shirt off. Suddenly he feels alive again, sitting up and kissing Namjoon, helping move him down towards the sheets and swinging his leg over his waist so he’s straddling his crotch.

Namjoon's tshirt is tight against his chest as he lies back on the bed and Jeongguk can’t handle the sight of it so he reaches down to help him slip it off over his head. He leans in and kisses him again, grinding his ass down against Namjoon’s dick.

“You know when I knew I wanted you?” Namjoon struggles to say as Jeongguk moves above him.

Jeongguk shakes his head.

“Two weeks after I hired you. I took you on that trip. To s-see how you’d handle a negotiation,” Namjoon stutters when Jeongguk leans down to kiss his neck as he moves his hips.

“How was I?” Jeongguk asks, his ass firm in place.

“They had told me they weren’t interested twice, and then five minutes after you came in they finally agreed.” Namjoon smiles.

“You wore them down,” Jeongguk says, because he truly believes Namjoon can do anything.

Namjoon wants to disagree but Jeongguk is grinding harder, reaching out to hold his hands in his own as he moves above him. “I had known you for a while at that point…I- I was just staring at you the whole time wondering when you got so attractive.”

Jeongguk doesn’t want to cum in his pants at this point so he moves Namjoon’s hands to his waist, against his belt, and Namjoon knows it’s his part in the script now. His long fingers fumble to undo the rest of the belt, his glasses fogged

Jeongguk laughs and reaches down to pluck them off his face.

“I forgot I had them on,” Namjoon pants. “I thought I was just losing consciousness.”

Namjoon grabs Jeongguk’s dick poking out through his underwear as he continues to grind into his crotch, his work pants pulled down to his thighs.

“Come here,” Namjoon says, reaching out to press his hands into Jeongguk’s ass and pull him forward on his chest.

Jeongguk gets up on his knees and inches forward, his dick hovering Namjoon’s wet lips. His boyfriend is lying back with his shoulders and head perched up against the pillows and headboard like he’s in a hospital bed.

“You going to suck me like this?” Jeongguk asks and it comes out more like a whine, not as sexy as he was planning.

Namjoon just smiles and looks up at him as he gives the head of Jeongguk’s dick a lick and Jeongguk tries to keep his eyes from rolling back. He is very thorough with his blowjobs and does not let up until Jeongguk orgasms. Jeongguk's grabbing at Namjoon's hair, groaning through it and when Namjoon leans back his lips are wet and so red.

"Yes," Jeongguk just manages to say.

"Yes what," Namjoon asks, tenderly rubbing his fingers into Jeongguk's ass.

"Yes to you, I don't know," Jeongguk moans and Namjoon laughs.

They switch up positions with Jeongguk’s back against the blankets and Namjoon leans down to kiss him again. His hands are rubbing at Jeongguk’s thighs and he’s breathing against his mouth.

“Have you fucked anyone in our office?” Namjoon suddenly asks, his tone slightly possessive. This is great.

“What do you think?” he asks and Namjoon stops moving his hand against his dick, causing Jeongguk’s breath to catch in his throat. He's getting hard again.

“I think yes, but I’d like to believe no,” Namjoon mumbles, his hand moving again.

“Let’s…believe no,” Jeongguk breathes and Namjoon sits up, tugging Jeongguk forward across the sheets. He grabs the backs of Jeongguk’s thighs and pushes forward, his knees hitting his shoulders. He stops and stares down at him and Jeongguk gazes back up expectantly, feeling very exposed suddenly, his ass and dick on full display. Namjoon has a level of focus that Jeongguk is both envious of and turned on by.

The actual fuck itself ends up being much more tender and slow than Jeongguk had originally anticipated. Namjoon moves in slow, dragged out thrusts, each push plunging in as far as possible, and with Jeongguk’s legs hitched up that far, the angle is mind-blowing. The box of condoms and uncapped bottle of lube lie next to them on the bed because neither of them are interested in stopping to put them back.

Jeongguk can’t help making sounds every time Namjoon thrusts back in, and Namjoon just kisses him and keeps the pace steady. Jeongguk is gripping at the sheets and he wants it faster so he pants it out several times but Namjoon only deepens the kiss and the speed remains consistent. Is this some form of edging?

Jeongguk’s orgasm has never been drawn out this long by penetrative sex and by the time it arrives, it’s fucking enormous and he arches so high up off the sheets he’s sure he looks like he's being possessed by some powerful demon. Namjoon has to adjust his angle, still moving in and out as Jeongguk seizes, his hands running up and down Jeongguk’s stomach and chest, and Jeongguk hears him making comments about his body but he can barely make them out.

He finally comes down and Namjoon leans back in. “You gotta- you gotta slow down sometimes,” he pants.

Jeongguk somehow manages to switch positions again so he’s on all-fours - he needs it this way. He knows it’d feel best for Namjoon like this too, it’s easier to clench. He also knows he looks great from this angle and Namjoon’s stunned silence is telling.

He feels him place his hands on Jeongguk’s waist. “Jesus.” The light pressure of his hands and the tone of his voice makes it sound like he’s talking about some kind of incredible car. "You're something else. Look at you."

“Fucking hurry,” Jeongguk grits, because he wants to fit in another orgasm. It’s ironic coming right after Namjoon mentioned he needs to slow down.

He hears groaning behind him as Namjoon's dick slides back in and Jeongguk grabs the metal bars on the bed’s slat headboard - these are his favourite, he feels like he’s in a porno, it fires him up.

Jeongguk uses the bars to help him push back into the thrusts, ignoring the pace Namjoon initially chooses. Eventually, he’s slamming his ass up against Namjoon’s dick and Namjoon appears to have given up his method of slow, systematic fucking. His chest is pressed to Jeongguk's back and his mouth is up to his ear, saying some truly filthy things as he pistons into him.

At some point one of the headboard's bars snaps off in Jeongguk’s hand and he just throws it on the floor – they keep moving. Jeongguk’s unaware of the kind of noises he’s making at this point but he’s fine with that because he knows Namjoon is going to be embarrassed later when he remembers panting against Jeongguk's ear that he’ll fuck the stubborn out of him.

Namjoon finally finishes with a groan and there’s a good few minutes where they just lie side to side and Jeongguk tries to control his heaving chest.

“Alright. Alright, I can live with this, this is good,” Jeongguk says, finally, reaching up to push back his bangs. Namjoon’s sheets under him are completely drenched.

Namjoon stares at the ceiling. “I’m. I don’t remember what I said to you.”

“You called me a ‘fucker’ at one point. Also something about me being stubborn, which by the way, so are you,” Jeongguk reminds. “Also I’m okay with that,” he turns his face over on the pillow. “Don’t hold back on the dirty talk. Or name calling.”

“Of course you’d be into that,” Namjoon mutters, still sounding embarrassed slightly when he glances over at him. His expression softens and his eyes roam to Jeongguk’s cheek. “So pink,” he says, reaching out to press a hand against it.

“You can hit me too if you want, during sex. A few good, hard slaps.”

“You’re ruining this tender moment we’re having,” Namjoon says.

He shuffles over on the sheets and kisses Namjoon on the mouth and he responds by almost immediately enveloping Jeongguk in his arms and placing several kisses on his head. “I’m being direct with my sexuality,” Jeongguk mumbles against his chest. This appears to be his favourite position.

“Okay. What's the safe word?"

"Aardvark."

"That's so specific..."

"Because you can say it with a gag in your mouth," Jeongguk explains and Namjoon laughs so loudly he sounds like he's sobbing.

"I wanna blow your mind next time."

Namjoon wipes at his eyes. “You already blew my mind.”

He wants to know every single thing Namjoon likes so he can make sure every sexual encounter they have leaves him thinking it was the best yet. He reckons this is a bold goal.

It’s okay, they have a lot of time.

"So, quick break and then round two?" Jeongguk eventually says.

"Are you fucking kidding? I threw out my lower back, I think I'm going to need disc therapy."

"Okay, ten minutes."

They lie together on the damp sheets like this for several minutes, dozing off, when Namjoon seems to lift his head a little to look up.

“Did you break my headboard?”

“Take it out of my check.”

 


 

Jeongguk is chewing on a sandwich during their lunch break at Namjoon’s favourite café as his boss carefully reads through their year end balance sheet, making notes with his pen.

“You know, back when,” Jeongguk starts, leaning in slightly, “back when I was doing my shows, I considered quitting and just doing them for a living.”

Namjoon looks up from the balance sheet, blinking with his glasses down towards the end of his nose. He looks adorable. Jeongguk wants to shift in and kiss him but he just keeps chewing loudly, grinning.

“You’d be able to make a living from that?” Namjoon asks, furrowing his brows and putting down sheet of the paper, leaning back in his chair questioningly.

“Easily,” Jeongguk says, picking at his teeth. “I racked in a couple thou’ one night.”

“Wasn’t half of that from me?”

“Probably,” Jeongguk ponders.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Namjoon says and Jeongguk raises his eyebrows.

“My breath smells like onions.” Jeongguk looks down at the sandwich wrapper and flips it over to read what it was – he rarely checks what he’s buying to eat when he’s starving. “Onion pastrami lentil mix.”

When he looks back up Namjoon is still looking at him with that goofy loving expression he gets sometimes. Jeongguk pulls a face and it is ineffective, he’s still staring.

“Let’s go buy a pen.”

“Now?” Jeongguk asks, his foot tapping excitedly on the floor.

“Yeah. This exact moment."

 

*