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A fuck up

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The sunset was supposed to be pretty? Don’t fuck with him it was anything but. It was a flaring insult to his senses and as he sat by the river glaring at the setting sun he wished he had brought some alcohol with him. He wanted to get drunk, he wanted to get wasted.

Not only that he wanted to erase his memory and he wanted to throw himself in the river too. Wash his stupid self away. One stupid mistake. One moment of fuckery and he had almost lost everything. He still might. He still could lose it all.

How the fuck could he had been so stupid? Hadn’t he been praising his damn self all this time? Laughing at the kids? Wasn’t he basically one too in the end then? Because he had fucked up big time and look what he had done? He had nothing, he had no one and the things he wanted he had almost broke in the rush to get what he had lost and be normal.

Why couldn’t he just be satisfied with day to day. Why did he have to crave more and bigger things? This sleepy foolish town was supposed to be the end of it all. He should have just wasted away and found something else to plug the fucking hole. Not go beyond himself and end up in this fucking mess.

It was never supposed to be like this. He was never supposed to come here and he was never supposed to get that idiot involved or put in danger. Not just that, she had done nothing wrong. she was nothing like everyone else and her small body was-

Adachi flung his hand over his eyes as he fought back the rage and the tears. Trying to clean up his mess had just caused a bigger fucking mess in the end. He had never known it would bite him on the ass like this but he had never known what kind of emotions those two could inspire. He had already suspected about her. Nanako was so precious and nothing like what tired him out.

Her father on the other hand, that wasteful detective that he could run circles around. Damn it, Adachi was never supposed to care about him too. How the hell had the Dojimas entrapped him like this? How had he gotten into this situation? It sucked.

It hurt. He felt sick, worse than when he realized what had happened to that bitch he had pushed into the tv. Sicker than he had felt on realizing there were kids playing cops and robbers in the fog hunting him.

How was he supposed to fix this beyond what he had already done? The deal with Igor had been painful but he was still back where he started and lacking so much. He was still on the outside looking in and Nanako was still so still in the hospital bed. Dojima that idiot was still hungry for answers and trying to escape the hospital.

The evidence was gone, all of it but where did that honestly put him? Dojima was like a dog with a bone and with Nanako injured like that it was only a matter of time until he poked his head where it really did not belong. Adachi simply could not let that happen.

Even if it meant walking away, giving everything up. he couldn’t get a call like that again. He could not deal with seeing those things again. Dojima so pale and still, Nanako’s frail body when she was so sweet and active.

This hell town held two good things in it. Two things made leaving his house worthwhile and he had fucked up those two good things. If only he had walked away from the bitch in the beginning. If only he had not seen that stupid thing on the tv. If he had not come home that night frustrated with the hints and the drunken jokes and wanted something real and normal so badly that he would have tried anything.

But ifs were for brats weren’t they. He had to be an adult about this and accept his fuck ups. He had fucked up. He didn’t care about the others, or his reputation. His job either, all of that he would give up in a heartbeat. He just wanted his two good things safe and he wanted everything gone and erased. He would go back to April if he could and start from there.

He would rather the drunken clinginess and the long stares and silences. He would rather have the moments of questioning every hand brush and touch than this mess. He would rather have days at Junes spoiling a little girl behind her father’s back and giving the man hell at work. He wanted back his boring peaceful days but only if those two were a part of it.

There was no hiding it, the tears were most certainly coming now. He was not even going to fight them, night was fast approaching and after the last few weeks he was allowed a few tears without judgement. He had endured a lot of craziness, too much madness and currently he was up to this shit to his neck.

He was a bigger stupider brat than he accused the others of being. He wiped his face with his sleeve before he gave up and ignored the rawness of his throat. A few moments for this before back to the grind and before he snuck back into the ward. Pretend like everything was normal and he was normal and count down until he granted Igor’s second request.

Anything for those two and with Igor lighting the way, he honestly could not fuck this up. if he was left to his own devices things would get fucked up again. No matter what that long nosed man wanted Adachi was going to give it to him. In order to see father and daughter healthy and happy again. Then one last curry dinner, one last sushi dinner before everything ended.

“Adachi-san?” Adachi moved his hand in time to see Souji a little further down walking along the river bank. “Are you okay?” the kid was the last to talk with dark eyes and that slumped demeanour. It was annoying how hard the brat had been chasing his tail even if he didn’t know.

“No I’m not.” He sat up and wiped away the stray tears. “Neither are you I’m guessing.”

“They have high hopes for Nanako.” Souji’s shoulder’s lowered as he watched the ground. “Dojima-san is strong as well.”

Strong and stupid that was more honest. Still while they had high hopes for Nanako, Adachi was not going to take the chance. He had gotten them into this so he would take them out of it. No matter the cost. If the cost had been allowing the brats to try their hands at him he would have been down and he would not have held back either.

Dojima and Nanako, far better than he deserved and everything that he wanted. While he felt for certain like he could not have them he was doing fine. It was ironic how much he knew about Souji while the boy knew nothing in return. Slightly amusing but he was far more focused on the two things that gave the town meaning to him.

“He’s going to pull through.” Adachi forced a smile as he got to his feet. A quick dusting relived his of dirt and some the grass. A lint roller or the sort would fix him right up but he was too tired to care. Both of them would be saved no matter what he had to do. They would be back to normal, better than normal and none of this shit was going to happen. None of these games were going to pull his two precious people into the line of fire ever again.

“Yes they will. I believe in them.” Souji’s smile was a little tensive but his eyes showed how much he felt about what he was saying. Such determination and will in such young eyes. Even though Adachi really didn’t want much to do with the brat he could do him a favour or two.

“Here.” He said after he reached into his pocket to snag the small doll he had been carrying around mostly as a joke. The cell phone strap police bear went sailing through the air to land in Souji’s outstretched hand. “Hold onto this.” He said softly, he could still remember winning it. Nanako already had one and she didn’t have a phone so Adachi had ended up keeping it. “Keep believing in them.”

Even though he thought all of that was bullshit and that one had to verify things themselves. Make changes themselves for themselves. He was a big believer in that. The kid could hold down the fort. Adachi on the other hand had an appointment in the velvet room.

He already knew they were going to lose time and he was going to have to make different choices. Hopefully his memories went along with him or things could get ugly once more. Or worse.

The moment he left the riverbank the sun finished its descent. The cold chill that settled in felt really appropriate. Adachi had no idea what exactly the brats were up to but the way he figured it, the sooner he got it over with the sooner his two special people would be alive, well and safe. That’s all he really wanted.