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Wedding gifts

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Gwen's wedding was, admittedly, so very Torchwood. Only a Torchwood operative could mange to get pregnant with an alien shape-shifter baby on her hens night, and have its psychopath mother stalk the bride to be all the way to the altar to come rip it from her body.

Yet despite everything, if they had to take a vote as to which had been the worst thing they'd had to deal with at the wedding, Gwen's mother in law, Brenda, was polling strongly.

She had a loud and grating opinion on everything from the bridesmaids dresses, to the seating arrangements. And don't even get her started on the debacle of a ceremony, the last minute halt to proceedings, and the faked pregnancy.

'Two dresses!' she cried. 'That woman's got more dollars than sense. And how dare she carry off such a stunt! I knew she was trouble. My Rhys deserves better.'

Jack could clearly understand why Rhys himself was giving her a wide berth. All things considered, he'd probably been doing that for years.

Later, Gwen was standing at the bar, getting herself another glass of champagne. In the background she could still hear Brenda, harping on about the flower arrangements.

'I should have bought a fucking tranquilizer,' she muttered to herself.

'I've got some in the back of the SUV if you're interested', came the whispered voice in her ear.

She spun quickly, startled by the sudden sound. 'Jack! Oh, it's only you! One of these days I'll learn to keep my mouth shut.'

He laughed. 'Never. Offer still stands, by the way.'

'Thanks, but I think we've had enough to contend with today, don't you?'

Jack sighed. 'In laws. Can't live with 'em,'

'Can't kill them,' Gwen finished, and they both laughed.

'What's say I run interference for a while, let you enjoy your evening?'

'I'd say you're worth your weight in gold, Jack Harkness.'

As promised, Gwen managed to enjoy the remainder of the evening, even forgetting about Brenda for some time. Her tirade of grievances somehow silenced, and when she finally caught sight of her, she was very subdued.

Just what had Jack done? He too, seemed to have disappeared for a time.

She managed to spy Ianto nearby and asked him if he'd seen Jack.

'I think he's out in the lobby.'

'What's he doing out there?'

'Trying not to get evicted from the premises.'

Gwen didn't want to hear any more. She marched out to the lobby to see for herself. When she found him, he was in the process of waving off a rather irate looking hotel manager, and grinning smugly like the cat who got the cream.

'And just what have you been up to?'

'Sorting out your pesky mother in law problem. She's good now.'

'What did you do?' She asked it in that authoritative tone.

'Trust me, she won't remember any of her grievances against you today. She's got other things on her mind now.'

'Such as?'

'Oh, there might have been a certain guest who may have had a bit too much to drink and flashed her the family jewels.'

Gwen clapped her hands over her mouth. 'You didn't?'

'My wedding gift to you. Plus, they're very memorable. Ask anyone. The only thing she'll remember about the big day was the drunken flasher guy.'

'Well, now I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar.'

'No, but after I convinced them that we saved the entire place from alien invasion, they let me off with a warning. Thought I might check out the dance floor next.'

Gwen sighed. 'Just so long as you're planning on keeping your clothes on.'

'Only so as not to outshine the bride on her big day.'

'You're all heart.'