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“Jude,” Robert says, whining a little. “Judesie. That Benedict Clumberhatch person is much better-looking than me, look at that.”

He turns his laptop and shows Jude the screen. There’s a picture of the man’s face on there, a still from the Sherlock show, Jude assumes.

“It’s Cumberbatch,” Jude says. “Why do you say that?”

Robert holds up the laptop so that they can both look at the screen. “His cheekbones, his eyes, the hair! He’s perfect, that freaking Slumbermatch.”

He closes the laptop and sighs, head resting between his hands.

“Cumberbatch,” Jude says automatically. “And yes, Ben’s quite attractive, I suppose.”

Robert looks up. “Ben? What’s that, you’re pals?” He says the word as if it’s a particularly nasty disease.

“Er, I know him,” Jude says slowly. “He’s a nice chap.”

“Great,” Robert says, slumping down on the table. “My own Watson, in love with another Holmes.”

Jude grins. “Don’t be ridiculous. I could never leave you, oh baby, oh darling.”

The look Robert throws him is filled with scorn, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Besides,” Jude continues, “You’re funnier.”

“No I’m not,” Robert says. “I’ve read some interviews.”

“Yeah, okay, maybe you aren’t,” Jude concedes. He thinks for a moment. “Your name is better?”

Robert scoffs. “It’s not better, it’s just easier to pronounce. I mean, when you have a name like Benedict freaking Cumberdash at least you know there’s only ever going to be one of you.”

Jude sighs and doesn’t take the effort to correct him this time. He taps his cheek with his fingers in thought while Robert keeps moping.

“Oh,” Jude says suddenly, sitting up. “I’ve got it.”

Robert looks at him, clearly not expecting anything that might change his mind on the matter.

“You’re the better kisser.”

Instead of accepting the compliment, Robert starts to wail. “What? You kissed him too? Judesie!” He hides his face behind his hands.

Jude puts up his palms in an attempt to calm him down. “It was ages ago,” he said. “I didn’t even know you back then. I hardly remember it.”

“You don’t?” Robert asks, peeking at him through his fingers.

Jude shakes his head. “Hardly.”

Robert lowers his hands. “Poor Humberclash,” he says with sudden glee. “That unimpressive, huh?”

“Absolutely,” Jude says.

Robert grins. “Awesome. Score one for team Holmes!” He claps his hands in excitement.

Later that night, Jude texts Benedict. Robert found your pic online. Was jealous. Had to tell him he was a better kisser than you to calm him down. Mind if we stay in tonight? See you soon pretty miss u xx


- End