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I bloom just for you

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The first night they stay together at the studio, Hoseok thought that Yoongi’s intentions were... nastier. The older, more experienced producer asked him to stay longer and Hoseok, the studio’s newbie, thought there were hidden reasons for Yoongi to invite him to stay at his private studio room after work hours on a Friday.

Hoseok is new, and very impressionable, so he agrees to it in a heartbeat—“Sure, Yoongi-ssi! It’d be an honor.” —without really thinking this through. Yoongi flashes a brief smile before shying away, as he usually does, and it’s then that Hoseok does process all the informations, and well, Yoongi is pretty hot, and cute, a little smaller in height, but with big and handsome hands. Yeah, Hoseok can see that.

Therefore, he figures it wouldn’t be too bad if the producer tried something with him, as long as Yoongi didn’t force him into anything.

In which case, Yoongi would reveal himself as a jerk, and Hoseok would most likely be unemployed by the next day. That would suck, because he liked Yoongi. And he was loving the job, so far everything looked like a damn dream, and Hoseok likes to be seen as an optimistic person, but it is really hard to believe a job like that could exist and be handed to him. So he worked extra hard for it, and losing the opportunity because of a situation such as this...

He strongly doubted that, but first impressions aren’t always the most reliable. Yoongi is very professional, and respectful towards everyone Hoseok ever saw him interact with, especially Hoseok himself, so it would be really disappointing, and sad, if he ever did anything remotely abusive.

Hoseok’s worries, however, were for naught.

That night, Yoongi showed him his private studio for the first time, looking like a parent really proud of his children—and rightfully so, he had some expensive, beautiful babies in there.

When he eventually asks if Hoseok’s hungry, and offers him a drink, Hoseok thinks this isn’t bad at all, he would certainly enjoy a make-out session, especially with the song that’s playing in Yoongi’s expensive speakers at that precise moment.

However, literally nothing happens.

Nothing of the sort, at least. Yoongi sits by his side on the comfortable couch and they drink, and eat when the pizza arrives, as Yoongi chooses something to watch on Netflix, and the night passes amicably—by the end of it, Hoseok feels like they’ve been best friends his whole life.

Yoongi is easy to be around, and when he gets talkative, it’s the most fascinating thing that Hoseok has ever witnessed. He’s got a nice sense of humor, he is a great listener, and talks about a huge variety of things. But, mostly, they talk about music, and their passion for it.

And they share a beer, maybe risk mixing a song, and suddenly Hoseok’s falling asleep. It’s probably around five in the morning, Yoongi invites him to go to the rooftop and watch the sunrise, but Hoseok doesn’t think he can keep himself awake any longer.

“It’s okay, you can take the couch. I have a futon.”

“Oh, okay.” Hoseok lies down, blinking sleepily a few times. “Yoongi?”

“Yeah?”

“Wake me up before the sunrise, I’ll go.”

He catches the way Yoongi smiles softly before completely blacking out.

He woke up almost midday, with Yoongi inviting him to a barbecue restaurant, which he promptly accepted to.

“You didn’t wake me up? For sunrise, I mean.” He’s confused, because if they’re going out for lunch then sunrise’s been a while ago.

“It’s okay, we’ll watch the sunrise next time.” Yoongi replies, sounding completely honest. Not in the slightest upset. “You were sleeping like a rock anyway.”

He chuckles at the end, and his gums appear. Hoseok thinks he might be blushing.

Next time. Hoseok cheered up at that—next time sounds great, he’s really glad there’s going to be one.

And there are, indeed, lots of those.

He’s only a little disappointed that that’s all there is to them—mixing songs, producing, trying different things and coming up with their own songs, drinking, eating, watching netflix and sleeping at the studio. It’s actually great, he thinks maybe Yoongi will make some kind of advance sometime soon, but that never happens. Hoseok bites his tongue every time he thinks about how he originally thought that Yoongi might have had second intentions.

God, he wishes.

Hoseok wishes, and one time they start drinking way too soon, and he is a lightweight, and Yoongi is focused on the song he has to finish—this time, it’s real work, and Hoseok is only there to cheer him on and give him his opinion. The thing is, after only one beer, Hoseok’s opinion is way too biased.

“It sounds perfect, hyungie,” He tries for the umpteenth time, tone whiny and body sprawled on the floor of Yoongi’s studio.

“It’s not dancy enough,” Yoongi drank, too, only out of stress. He’s sober, mind you, Yoongi is very very professional.

“Of course it is! I’ll show you.”

Hoseok jumps up, offers his hand to Yoongi and waits.

“Hoseok, no,” Yoongi says, pointedly, eyes glued to his monitor.

“Hoseok yes!” He shouts a little too loudly, hands tapping Yoongi’s back, then grabbing his chair and shaking it—just a little.

“I have to finish this now, it’s serious, Hoseok-ah. Don’t be silly.”

He sighs, pulling back. “It’s already finished, and you know that. We’ve been working on this track for days, and it’s been three hours since the last minimal modification we made on it. And it’s not because you can’t find what’s wrong, it’s because there isn’t something wrong. It’s perfect, hyungie, and if you step away for a moment and just listen to it, dance to it, you’ll feel it too! Trust me. Give it a chance.”

Yoongi squints, eyes locked on Hoseok’s in that very intimate way he always does when Hoseok gets too talkative, but as soon as Hoseok’s discourse ends, he looks away fast, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Hoseok sighs. Sometimes, Yoongi’s a little harder to deal with, but he always finds a way to take him out of his shell.

He goes back to tapping Yoongi’s back.

“C’mon, Min Yoongi, dance with me.”

He says it generically, flicks Yoongi’s ear while he’s at it, and Hoseok never meant to ask Yoongi to actually dance with him, just along him—technicalities—but he’s being annoying now and Yoongi stands up with a determined look in his eyes.

“Sure,” he answers with a bite that makes Hoseok chuckles, because it sounds like Yoongi just agreed to murder someone—probably him, with the way he’s been looked at.

Which sounds a lot more accurate when Yoongi steps into his personal space, eyes cast down and body stiff.

His foot is tapping along the song, but Hoseok can’t breathe properly with him this close, much less think.

“I’m here, so what?” Yoongi’s tone is defying, he sounds like a spoiled brat and that snaps Hoseok out of whatever he has going on.

He laughs, first, then gently puts his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders.

He’s learned that Yoongi isn’t big on hugs or too much physical contact, but he’s fine with some body parts, such as his arms. His shoulders. It’s fine to tap his upper back, too. And hands. Ridiculously, Yoongi is big on holding hands.

Not that he gets to see that a lot, but it’s clear as a day how much Yoongi cherishes it when the rare occurrence of hand-holding appears. Usually, it’s when they’re working on a song, and Yoongi’s hand casually finds him above the table or on the chair, and he presses above it with the softest of touches.

And, since Yoongi stepped into his personal space, Hoseok figures it’s fine to have some physical contact going on. He still watches for Yoongi’s reaction, carefully, worried about stepping over any boundaries.

Yoongi looks fine, eyes still on the floor, and Hoseok gently swings him along the rhythm of the song, hands slowly going down to Yoongi’s biceps, upper arm, and, finally, hands. That’s when Yoongi raises his head, but his eyes are closed now.

They swing, and Hoseok spins him, which brings a laughter out of Yoongi.

It’s beautiful.

At the end of the spin, Yoongi’s eyes snap open. “You’re ridiculous.” He accuses, one hand flying to Hoseok’s chest as the other one is still laced with Hoseok’s.

“Focus on the song.”

“I am! Trying, at least.”

“Good. Then keep doing it.”

He huffs, and this time his eyes are open, and they’re like scorching flames on Hoseok’s skin. Their intensity is so strong that it makes Yoongi look mad with him, but he knows Yoongi isn’t—there is no pout on his lips.

Hoseok notices his free hand accommodated itself on Yoongi’s waist, there’s still a small distance between them but it’s easier to dance this way, every move his body does resonate on Yoongi’s body as well, as he conducts them through the song until it ends, and then it starts again, because Yoongi’s been listening to it on fucking loop for hours, and this is so funny and yet Yoongi never stops him, just allows Hoseok to keep dancing until there isn’t really any space in between them and Yoongi’s eyes are still as intense, and he leans his head to the left, eyes falling through the slope of Hoseok’s nose to his lips, Yoongi is looking like that to his lips and Hoseok’s brain screams with him.

It’s been months, months, and this is actually happening. Yoongi bites the plump flesh of his lower lip, drags his teeth through it, turns the pinkish tone into red for a second, and looks back up into Hoseok’s eyes.

Yoongi kisses him, and drunk Hoseok’s mind whirls. Yoongi’s kissing him. He can’t fucking believe it, and he hates the fact that he’s kind of high, worries he won’t remember the kiss, even though he knows he’s not that drunk, only high, just one beer, focus on the kiss! But Yoongi is pulling back already, lips a bright pink and slightly parted, eyes opening slowly and just that by itself it’s a punch to Hoseok’s heart.

They never talk about it.

Hoseok’s mind, however, revisits it almost every second of each passing day, bringing back the feeling of Yoongi’s lips pressing against his, their mouths parting and adjusting, the slide of their lips together and Yoongi’s tongue dipping into his mouth, caressing and swirling and stealing the breath away from Hoseok.

Why won’t they talk about it?

It drives him insane, really, to the point Hoseok is downloading a damn dating app and trying to go on dates just so he’ll stop thinking about Yoongi’s damn kiss all the damn fucking time, because Yoongi acts as if it never happened and Hoseok feels like he’s actually going to die.

At first, he gives up before even getting to the dates—no, he’s not ready for that.

(He doesn’t want to forget it, he doesn’t want the memory replaced by someone else’s lips, he would never forgive himself for that.)

But then, even when he gets to the dates, and he somehow manages to get to the kissing, it’s empty.

He’d never replace that beautiful memory for this.

And even if some dates go well, and a few kisses are maybe okay, he still thinks about Yoongi’s kiss at least once a day. (Twice.)

His friends say he’s in love.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about Jungkookie’s lips the whole year he went on exchange to Canada. Like, we kissed for the first time the weekend before he left and then that piece of shit left me for a whole year, I thought I was going to die. Several times.” Taehyung explains, ignoring the look of disgust on Hoseok’s face. And the “awn” sounds he makes at the same time.

“So that’s why you flew to Canada during summer vacations, you piece of shit,” Hoseok says, pointing a finger to Jungkook’s face.

“Why are we both suddenly pieces of shit?” Jungkook asks, eyes finally leaving the Nintendo Switch on his hands to look at them. “I got called a piece of shit by my own boyfriend and now you’re calling him a piece of shit, like, is that the word of the day or something?”

“It would have to be expression of the day, love, piece of shit isn’t a word.”

Jungkook’s annoyed-dimples appear at the corner of his lips as he judges his boyfriend in silence, but he ends up nodding. “Curse of the day, cool, we should have that. Make it official.”

Hoseok deeply sighs. Whatever just happened in front of his eyes is exactly why these two are together.

“You’re both useless, this isn’t helping me at all. I should try Namjoon, why did I even come here?”

Both Taehyung and Jeongguk shrug.

“He’s gonna tell you the same thing, however, hyung,” Jungkook says, eyes big and innocent, blinking a few times before concluding his line of thought. “You’re in love, and you have to do something about it.”

Sure enough, that’s too what Namjoon tells him. Ever the optimistic, Hoseok thinks that at least Namjoon says something more about it. Something that can actually put some light on this whole situation. “Either to pursue him or to move on from him, you’ll have to do something to deal with this situation, Hoseok-ah. There’s no running from it.”

Hoseok sighs, giving the biggest pout he's ever given ever since he was a small kid asking his mother for a candy before bed—he got hot chocolate, so it was a very powerful pout, mind you.

“He did it, he was the one who kissed me, so he should be the one doing something about it. Why won’t he just kiss me again, Joon-ah?”

“I don’t know, but he’s not doing it bud. I don’t even know how did you two kiss and then proceeded to act as if nothing happened. Sounds at least awkward to me.”

Hoseok smiles, it’s a small smile but with so much sincerity in it.

“It’s just how it is, things are never awkward when there’s just the two of us.”

Namjoon pushes his tongue out, faking a puke. “Sorry, that’s just, that was so natural and so sickly sweet, how the fuck didn’t you think about being in love? Sorry, man, you’re obviously gone. Rest in pieces.”

Fuck you,” Hoseok says, pushing Namjoon away with real strength, but he knows Namjoon is right.

Fuck, fuck him so much. Fuck him sideways. Just, simply, fuck him.

How the fuck would he approach Yoongi with that?

It’s days, weeks, and Hoseok is still thinking about a way to tell Yoongi that he’s in love. Jimin, a new friend from work, suggests a more casual approach instead.

That sounds clever, it sounds actually way fucking better than just dropping on someone that you’re completely smashed and in love with them. Still, he can’t come up with a solution, because everything Jimin suggests has already been done.

Casually.

By Yoongi himself.

“Take them on a nice restaurant for lunch,” Jimin says, not knowing who they are talking about and completely respecting Hoseok’s privacy.

“We… we already do that. Frequently.”

“A… nicer restaurant, perhaps?”

“They’re really picky with their restaurants.” Hoseok points out, giving a half-hearted smile.

Jimin is trying, and he’s so thankful for the help, he didn’t want to turn down every one of the suggestions but there’s not much he can do about it.

“Coffee, maybe? Like, a very cute, lowlights, kind of shop?”

“Their favorite coffee shop is exactly like that, hyung, I’m done for, this is a lost cause.”

“Cinema, then!” Jimin talks over him, trying to sound hopeful and excited. “It’s a cliche, sure, but that’s exactly why it’s a winner. It makes your intentions pretty clear, my friend, trust me.”

Hoseok blinks twice. The “it makes your intentions pretty clear” part is what makes his brain give up.

“Uh, we went to the movie theater like last week, they were screening this old movie that he’s really fond of…” Hoseok slips, of course he would let a pronoun escape, but Jimin doesn’t even bat an eye about it.

“Uh. Right. So, invite him over to your place? Cook him something, perhaps watch a movie with him? To be honest, that’s an ideal first date, intimate and cozy.”

Hoseok sighs.

“Hm, we kinda did that, too. A time or two.”

Jimin’s eyes narrow at him.

“Gift him something, then.”

Hoseok looks away, ashamed. “Uh…”

“Oh by the lord, Hoseok, you two are dating already! What are you whining about, you’re clearly the only one who hasn’t noticed that yet!”

And yeah, maybe Jimin has a point, but they’re not. Dating, that is. Yoongi’s just a very considerate person, and an amazing friend. He’s seen Yoongi doing the exact same things with others, maybe not spending every Friday night with them at his private studio, yes, but hanging out and gifting your friends isn’t something unusual. It’s actually super nice, and Hoseok would never change that about Yoongi, but he wonders if he ever kissed them too, like he did Hoseok.

God, Hoseok never saw himself as a monogamist, even if he didn’t see himself as polyamorous, either, but he so hopes that Yoongi doesn’t go around doing that with anyone. Not like he did it with Hoseok, not when it felt so special for him.

“Do you know anyone who’s been his friend for longer? Like, a flatmate, or a childhood friend, someone he’s friends with for more than five years.” Jimin asks, like it’s his last hope on Hoseok’s case.

“Jiminnie, I might actually know someone I could talk to! Thank you!” He gives Jimin a tight hug, which leaves Jimin smiling from ear to ear, glad to have finally helped him somehow.

That’s how Hoseok gets to Kim Seokjin, Yoongi’s flatmate. They shared a dorm during college, and have been friends ever since—also sharing a flat for years after college, and still to this day, although now Seokjin owns another flat on the same building, and they’re not officially flatmates anymore, they’re still flatmates.

They have the keys to each other’s flats. They water the plants when the other isn’t coming home, and stuff like that. So, yeah, Hoseok met him when Yoongi took him home to show him his sound system.

Hoseok has Seokjin’s number because Seokjin asked for his, and texted him at least once a week to check up on Yoongi when Yoongi didn’t succeed in satisfyingly texting him back. He’s usually pretty chill, but when he’s traveling the check-ups are more constant.

He never eats, that one, is he eating? Head on the moon, I tell you, always forgets it.

They meet over brunch, which is great, because it gets Seokjin in a great mood.

Hoseok too, if he’s to be honest.

It’s not as hard as he thought it would be, opening up with Seokjin, and so Hoseok ends up telling him more than he had planned. He didn’t mean to mention the kiss, but he does.

Maybe because it’s always there, at the back of his mind, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to be brought back to life. He hopes Yoongi doesn’t kill him if he ever finds out.

“The question here isn’t if he likes you, Hoseok-ah. It’s if you really like him.”

He’s not sure if Seokjin is being deep or if he’s simply bullshitting.

“What? What do you mean, did he… say something about me to you?”

Seokjin waves him off.

“No, nothing like that. But he definitely likes you, I know him well enough to determine that, the key point here is that you’re gonna have to be patient.”

Hoseok blinks twice. In his heart, he knows that sounds plausible. (In his brain, not so much.)

“Okay. I’m listening.”

“It’s not my place to tell you, Hoseok-ah, and you look like a great guy, but I can’t do much more than advise you to be really patient with Yoongi. If you really like him, I mean. You’re gonna have to give him time. And I can’t be sure about how long, it could be a month or a year. Maybe more, although he kissed you, right? So yeah, I think a year at most.”

He doesn’t get it, Seokjin is being too cryptic but at the same time, it makes complete sense. From what Hoseok knows about Yoongi, he also knows Seokjin is right.

The whole “it could take a month or a year” is a little bit obscure, but Hoseok’s always felt like Yoongi needed space in certain aspects, so it didn’t seem too weird that he needed time as well.

It was just a little too maddening.

“I keep getting the thoughts he may not like me that way. You know? I just feel so special, like the connection we share is so strong, but then he’s gone and I’m not so sure anymore. I mean, I know it’s normal, and completely okay, but then he kissed me and it messed up my head real bad because he won’t talk about it. Or kiss me again.” He takes a deep breath, and lets it all out.

“I get it, man. Just trust me on this, he feels it too. Yoongi doesn’t kiss people he doesn’t feel deeply connected to. Like, ever. You’d think he’d do it when he’s drunk, but not Yoongi.”

“Really?”

His face flushes, and Seokjin chuckles.

“Ah, you’re cute, Hoseokie.”

He grunts and looks away, embarrassed.

“I feel like I’m sixteen with my first love on the neighbors’ daughter. Ridiculous.”

“Chaotic bi culture. I respect.”

“Aish.”

“Hey. Just enjoy it, Hoseok-ah. Don’t overthink it, and, as I formerly said, be patient.”

Sounds actually pretty damn good, only if Hoseok wasn’t so damn anxious most of the time.

Still, he follows Seokjin’s advice, and tries his best to ignore how his heart aches when he sees Yoongi with someone else, when he’s not invited to lunch or dinner, when Yoongi forgets life outside his studio exists, and he barely gets a text message, until Friday night arrives and Hoseok sure is by his studio’s door, with a smile, and Yoongi always lets him in.

No exceptions, even when he still has a lot of work to do, Hoseok can entertain himself well enough, and they enjoy each other’s company in comfortable silence as the studio empties and everyone leaves for their homes.

But they stay.

And they won’t talk about it, the kiss, or what it meant, or what they are, or if they’d like to do that again, and Hoseok’s fine with that, now.

For a few months, he’s actually fine with that. He remembers Seokjin and his advice, and Hoseok wants to be patient. Even if he doesn’t know why Yoongi needs the time, and he would love to know because then it would mean that Yoongi trusts him a lot, he wants to give him all the time he needs.

However, our brain, sometimes, it doesn’t work as we wish it to.

Sometimes, it will slowly convince us everything we believe are lies, and it will push us to make stupid decisions.

That’s why Hoseok agrees on a date that Friday night, nine months after meeting Min Yoongi, two months after their one and only kiss.

His brain has convinced him that Yoongi, in fact, doesn’t see him like that, and he shouldn’t turn down a date. He should go out, clear his head, try to move on.

Maybe talk about it with Yoongi, after. Definitely say something, if it’s too hard to move on. But never push Yoongi into reciprocating his feelings, not that. Ever.

He’s so aloof that Friday that Hoseok forgets to tell Yoongi he won’t be going to his private studio that night. In fact, he isn’t even sure he actually lived through that day, it’s all mechanical and he’s probably going to regret that a lot later, because he was never good at operating by sheer muscle memory.

Hoseok only hoped that he didn’t do anything absurd such as storing food with important files. Hard disks and kimchi aren’t a great combination.

It’s ten p.m. when he gets the call, Yoongi sounds so worried that Hoseok’s world crumbles down. He forgot to tell Yoongi.

“I didn’t tell you.” It’s supposed to be a question, but it leaves his lips as a statement because he already realized what the answer is. “Hyung, I’m so stupid, I’m so so sorry, I forgot to tell you I had a date tonight.”

“A… a what?”

Hoseok gulps. “Uh, you know, my mom is kind of always trying to set me up on dates with her friends’ daughters and stuff like that, and it’s been a while since… she last did that, so I felt bad turning her down. And here I am.”

“No, yeah, I get it. Totally. Have fun, Hoseok-ah. Sorry to disturb y–”

“No, hyung, nothing to be sorry for, I’m the one who screwed up, really, I’m gonna make it up to you, I swear.”

“Don’t think about it, Hoseokie, go enjoy your date. Is she… is she nice?”

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl, but… my mind is really elsewhere.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s a pity. Well, enjoy the company at least.”

“Yeah, I might leave soon, though. Just drop her home and call it a night.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Hoseok fears the line might have died, but Yoongi coughs and speaks again. “Uh, you can come here, if you want? It’s still early for us. For our timetable, I mean.”

Hoseok chuckles, and it’s his first honest smile the whole day.

“Fuck, yeah, I’ll be there in one hour tops. Want something from the market, hyungie?”

He can almost hear Yoongi smile softly.

“Bring some donuts. I woke up craving sweets today.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, but bring an Americano too.”

Hoseok hisses, but dutifully says he’s going to get it for Yoongi before ending the call.

He feels lighter after that, and taking the girl home, it’s like he’s waking up for the first time that day.

Going to the market is like he’s getting ready for something so exciting he can barely keep himself still.

Heading to the studio, Hoseok can’t control his heart.

 

Fuck. He’s really going to have to talk to Yoongi. Something, anything, Hoseok has to be honest with him.

Maybe next week.

 

Unlike it usually goes, Yoongi opens the door to his studio room and doesn’t move. He opens his mouth, then proceeds to close it. He repeats the procedure once more, before stepping aside and allowing Hoseok in.

Closing the door behind them, instead of leaving it to Hoseok.

For the first time, Hoseok has to admit, things do feel a little awkward between them.

“Sorry I called you, really, I shouldn’t have–” Yoongi scratches the back of his head, looking to his left instead of looking at Hoseok.

He chuckles, nervous because of Yoongi’s behavior. “Hey, hyung, it’s fine. I told you, it was over anyway. If anything, you gave me an excuse to politely call it a night.”

“Okay, yeah, it’s just, I should have texted or something. I didn’t think before acting. I… I didn’t see time passing and when I saw the clock and you were nowhere, I got worried. It was just, uh, dumb.”

“No, no it wasn’t, we never… Of course you thought I would come, I should’ve said something, it was just a weird day. I’m sorry, hyung.”

Yoongi shakes his head “No, you don’t have to, ah, are you hungry? I ordered pizza.”

Hoseok notices he is, in fact, really hungry. Maybe because he barely ate the whole day, not even touching the food at the restaurant.

“Yes. Yes I am.”

He’s glad when Yoongi smiles at that, and they slowly fall back into routine. Listening to music, eating, drinking, watching something on Netflix, falling asleep.

The next week goes in a rush, like everything decides to happen at once—he barely gets to even go out to eat, much less eat with Yoongi. It’s takeouts for everyone, eating as they work, and Yoongi is probably tucked inside his studio.

“Is this extra?” Hoseok asks, Thursday night, when they’re all staying late to finish a mini album.

“Huh? Oh no, it’s for Yoongi-nim, but he said he’d come to eat it when he’s hungry.”

Hoseok laughs.

“Yeah, sure.”

He takes the package to Yoongi’s door, knocking twice.

No one answers. Hoseok insists. Maybe he’s got headphones on, and isn’t listening.

He tries opening the door, but of course it’s locked. Hoseok rings the bell, already reaching for his phone inside the pocket of his jacket when Yoongi finally opens the door, eyes widening when he notices Hoseok standing at his doormat.

A very inviting “go away” doormat, with a cat giving you the middle fingers. Hoseok finds it very cute and charming, just as Yoongi himself.

“Hoseok-ah.”

“Here, it’s your dinner.” He offers the food containers and Yoongi lets the door fly open as he reaches to get them.

“You didn’t have to…”

“Of course I had to, it’s late. I know you prefer to eat here, anyway.”

“You’re not eating?” He asks, sounding worried.

“Yeah I am, but they need me back in my cubicle.”

“Ah,” he sounds disappointed, Hoseok thinks, a sparkle of hope igniting his chest, because he never gets tired of deluding himself. “Well, good luck there, Hoseokie. And thanks for bringing me the food.”

“Don’t mention it, hyung.”

He’s already backing away when Yoongi puts his head out of the door and asks:

“We… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Uh?”

“Will you… be available tomorrow night?”

Yoongi looks impossibly flustered, and it looks like he’s avoiding the word “date”. Hoseok nods, smiling.

“Yeah, yes hyung, I will. See you tomorrow.” He gives a small wave before turning on his heels and running back to work.

Hoseok’s heart. Hoseok’s heart is a treacherous little thing, and it will be the death of him.

When he’s back, everyone gives him some type of weird look, but everyone’s got a job to do—a lot of it, in fact—before going home, and everyone really wants to go home as soon as they can, so no one wastes their time saying anything, quickly going back to their half eaten takeouts and more work.

Friday night, they get wasted.

Well, probably everyone gets wasted, most going to a club somewhere, others home, but Yoongi and Hoseok stay at the private studio and drink away until they sleep like the rocks they wish they were.

It doesn’t take much, the week’s exhaustion finally catching up to both of them. Lying down on the floor of Yoongi’s studio, they drink raspberry wine and the sweetness of it doesn’t make it any less effective, Hoseok’s head spins even if he’s not moving, and his lips tingle.

He bites down, memories of their kiss flooding his mind, unasked.

Yoongi moves at his side, then stops. He’s closer now, arm pressed against Hoseok’s.

They were talking about plants, or clouds, Hoseok can’t say for sure, but now they’re not talking anymore. He feels like Yoongi wants to talk.

Yoongi doesn’t.

The hangover the next day is monumental. They laugh it off, careful not to be loud, and eat the sweetest breakfast at the bakery nearby, even though it’s past lunchtime.

Hoseok goes home with a heavy heart.

He still hasn’t talked about anything with Yoongi. He will. Next week, he won’t run from it this time.

That Monday, Hoseok arrives at work to a surprise waiting for him on his desk. It’s a sunflower, a single sunflower in a pretty arrangement. It’s simple, it’s small, and a beautiful decoration to his work desk.

There’s no card, no tag, no anything. He thinks maybe someone put it there by mistake, but no one claims it the entire morning. When he goes out for lunch, Yoongi’s waiting for him. Things are calmer at the company now, and they can enjoy a meal together peacefully.

It’s right when Hoseok is drinking his water that Yoongi asks about the sunflower, and Hoseok obviously chokes.

“Did you like the sunflower?” Yoongi drops, casually, as he serves more rice to himself.

Hoseok’s eyes water, and he takes a moment to recover.

“Uh, yeah, it’s beautiful. Was it you…?”

Yoongi nods, eyes flying up to him and then going back to the rice bowl.

“Went by a flower shop this morning and they had the most beautiful sunflowers I’ve ever seen. I immediately thought of you.”

Hoseok holds his breath. He wants to scream. He can’t scream, but he’s sure doing it in his head already.

“Oh. You… yeah, I told you they’re my favorite, right? Haha, thank you, hyung, you really didn’t have to.”

Yoongi smiles at that, cheeks flushing. “Nah. Now your cactus isn’t alone anymore. He deserved a friend.”

He laughs, and it sounds strained at first but he slowly relaxes as the tension on his shoulders ease. “Mr. Spike is really thankful for your consideration.”

Yoongi scoffs, but he looks like the definition of soft, at least on Hoseok’s dictionary. He’s screwed.

Hoseok is screwed for good. There’s a chance Yoongi is different, and maybe that means Yoongi is finally falling for him too, Hoseok knows people have different timings and that’s the reason why most relationships fail at the very start, or even before they start.

Maybe that’s what Seokjin was talking about.

He’s been coming by Hoseok’s workplace, too, grabbing a coffee as if there wasn’t a coffee machine inside his own studio, making small talk and asking about his day. He’s been dropping little gifts, too, replacing the sunflower every week before Hoseok arrives to work, leaving snacks and even chocolate once, later asking if Hoseok tasted them like he’s making some kind of research on groceries and not simply gifting him things. Little things, meaningful things.

Things he’s never seen Yoongi gifting anyone else with.

Hoseok decides to be bold the next time that Yoongi invites him out to dinner, just because it’s the perfect opportunity to laugh it off and play it as a joke in case Yoongi reacts badly. It’s the end of the expedient, and his coworkers asked him to deliver something to Yoongi for them, which Hoseok happily agreed to.

It’s still Tuesday, and Friday can’t come fast enough, but Yoongi thanks him for bringing the package and asks “Hey, are you free tomorrow night? I wanna check a new restaurant nearby, Seokjin recommended it.”

“Is it a date?” Hoseok asks with a grin, blatantly teasing.

Yoongi stutters, and even his ears become red. Before Hoseok screws up everything pulling the “laugh it off” card way too soon, Yoongi manages to voice something.

A single word.

“M-maybe?”

It’s a true wonder how Hoseok doesn’t combust right on spot.

“Oh.”

“If you want to, I mean, it’s not, uh, mandatory…”

“Yoongi.”

“...You’re not obligated to accept, especially because you have no idea, uh, I’m complicated…”

“Hyung.”

“...People experience attraction in different ways and everything but…”

“Hyung!” Hoseok shouts, raising both hands to grip Yoongi’s shoulder and get his attention.

Yoongi’s eyes finally meet his, and the elder gulps.

“I…”

“A date is perfect. I’d very much like it to be a date.”

Yoongi blinks, then he slowly nods, and opens his mouth. For a few seconds, nothing comes out.

Then he speaks, in a low and steady voice:

“I’m demisexual.”

 

Hoseok loses the grip of his hands, lips parting in brief surprise.

Brief, because soon it all makes sense. This is what Seokjin was talking about. Probably. Very much likely, one hundred percent sure.

And Yoongi must take his silence as a bad sign, because he steps back.

“I understand. Whatever you decide, I won’t hold it against you.”

“No. No. Hyung, I… it’s fine, I’m just… surprised I didn’t even think about it. I should have, oh my god, did I ever make you uncomfortable? I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more thoughtf–”

Yoongi laughs with his whole body, eyes crinkling and gummy smile on full view.

He looks so damn happy, it blows the air out of Hoseok’s lungs.

“No, you never… You were always very thoughtful, Hoseok-ah, even if you did, it would be my fault for not telling you, but no. You’re a great person.”

He wrinkles his nose. “I feel like I’m being praised for the bare minimum.”

“Sometimes, you’re the only one doing the bare minimum.”

“That’s… sad.”

“I know.”

They both laugh, this time, eyes meeting shyly and looking away, only to stare back and be caught at it.

“So…” Hoseok clears his throat, suddenly very nervous. What does it mean?

“It means I really like you, although I might have given you the wrong impression before. I always did.”

Oh, he didn’t mean to ask that out loud, but he’s glad that his brain to mouth filter apparently short-circuited.

“Always?”

“Yeah…” Yoongi scratches the back of his neck, looking down. “Um, I don’t know if I can explain it in a way you’ll understand, but you were always special to me?”

They just went from we’re cool, we’re friends to I’m confessing my undying love for you, and Hoseok needs a little time because he isn’t the one making the confession.

That’s why he dumbly asks:

“Are you asking me that?”

Yoongi’s face grows pink in embarrassment. “No. No, um, you… I always knew it was different with you. I wanted to cherish it, whatever it was. I cared a lot about you even though we just met, uh, this kind of thing.”

Hoseok nods, looking composed although he is dying.

So much makes sense now he will combust for sure. He should have thought about it, because he remembers all the nights he spent hearing about Namjoon’s studies on genders and sexualities, but he also remembers demisexuality being rare.

Namjoon lifted the hypothesis that the reason behind it was that people didn’t know much about the ace spectrum in the first place when Jungkook looked really interested in Namjoon’s study, saying he could identify himself really easily with demisexuals, and even Taehyung agreed.

“People used to think we were dating because Jungkookie only ever lets me be clingly to him.”

“Well, in people’s defense, you are dating now.”

“Not the point here, Hoseok.”

Yoongi taps his feet, looking nervous again, eyes shooting up the ceiling as he bites his lips. Hoseok realizes he didn’t say it back yet, and suppresses a smile.

“Yoongi.”

“Hm?”

“Me too.”

“Uh? You too… You’re demi, too?”

Hoseok chuckles, shaking his head. “No, I meant to say I like you too. A lot.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Nice.”

Hoseok laughs, unable to keep it in. Flustered Yoongi is the best thing he’s ever witnessed, and his awkwardness is nothing but cute.

“So a date, huh?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you my boyfriend now? Or do I need to buy you flowers and kneel...”

“No, no, uh, I mean, yes, but no flowers or kneeling necessary, I–”

And even though Hoseok’s still dying on the inside, he’s not going to waste the opportunity of making Yoongi flustered now that he knows how easily he can do it.

“Yoongi. Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

The elder huffs, blowing the hair on his forehead before taking three steps in Hoseok’s direction and grabbing his tee’s collar, pulling Hoseok closer to him.

“I said yes already, and smugness doesn’t suit you,” Yoongi whispers to his lips, still looking flustered, but strong-willed.

Hoseok shrugs, but before he can reply with something even cockier, Yoongi’s kissing him, and his mind comes to a halt.

Yoongi’s kissing him. It’s a little aggressive, nothing like their last—and only—kiss, but it’s not for long. Yoongi’s lips melt against his, the grip on Hoseok’s collar loosening as well, hands sprawling on his chest and sliding up to his neck, where Yoongi grips with the right pressure, sending a jolt down Hoseok’s spine.

Yoongi nibbles at his lips, other hand going down Hoseok’s chest and finding his hand. Yoongi gently places Hoseok’s hands on his waist before pressing their lips together again, this time licking Hoseok’s lips and prying them open.

His mind is just as blank as the first time, but Hoseok understands Yoongi just gave him consent to touch, and that’s enough for him to urge his hands to move, even if it’s careful and gentle, as he allows Yoongi in and their tongues finally meet again.

Maybe it’s Yoongi, or maybe it’s him first, but then they both sigh into the kiss, and things quickly escalate from there.

“Is this okay?” Hoseok asks, in between kisses.

Yoongi furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“This. Everything. I’m not going too far?”

Yoongi stops.

“It’s been months, Hoseok. This is perfectly fine, believe me.”

“Ok. Ok, uh…”

“I’ll tell you if it’s too much. Don’t worry about it.”

“Great, perfect, really, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way”

Yoongi chuckles, cheeks suddenly a bright red. “Then fucking kiss me, I’m really uncomfortable now.”

Oh. He is going to die.

Hoseok kisses him this time, and it’s the first time, and relishes in the thought that it won’t be last. He’s going to do it again, Yoongi wants him to, they’re boyfriends now.

It’s pure experimentation at first, Hoseok pecks and nibbles, presses stronger and parts his lips, licking Yoongi’s, who promptly parts them for him, but Hoseok takes things carefully, slowly, and he briefly wonders if Yoongi is bored—considering how he was kissing Hoseok before—, but the sigh he drinks from Yoongi’s lips says he’s doing just fine.

Yoongi guides them to the sofa, sitting Hoseok and the kiss turns into pecks until Yoongi is fully seated in his lap, and they go right back into it, Yoongi’s hands getting tangled in his hair and his hands firmly grabbing Yoongi’s waist.

Hoseok gives in, letting Yoongi control the kiss because of their positions, but it’s just as slow and exploring as the rhythm he set, and they only stop when their breaths become scarce.

Yoongi is breathing hard, and it’s probably the best thing he’s ever seen—wet lips almost purple, black hair utterly disheveled, chest heaving, eyes staring right into Hoseok’s.

Their noses touch for a brief moment, then Yoongi slides, dropping a kiss to his jaw, ear, neck, until he lies his head on Hoseok’s shoulders and there he stays, regaining his breath and peppering kisses.

“I still have to go back… to work.”

The devil straddling his legs chuckles. “Good luck with that.”

But Hoseok ends up laughing too. “Thanks, my dearest boyfriend.”

Yoongi bites his neck, playfully.

At least Hoseok thinks it’s not going to leave a mark, it’s been a while since he’s got a bite there so he can’t really tell.

“Okay, I’m good now.” Yoongi pecks him on the lips once more, getting off his lap and fixing his clothes.

Hoseok watches, still not sure if his legs can support him. He drops his head on the sofa and stares at the ceiling.

“Is this really happening?”

Yoongi throws a pillow at his face.

“Stop being embarrassing, or this will be your shortest relationship ever.”

Hoseok chuckles, lifting his head to look at Yoongi’s face. “How could you know that?”

Yoongi ends up laughing, and he wins another kiss, so really, who cares about his past unsuccessful romantic endeavors?

Certainly not him.

 

Taehyung thinks a barbecue is a perfect opportunity to finally meet the Min Yoongi, the man who finally managed to get Jung Hoseok on a leash.

Not literally, although Hoseok wouldn’t exactly be opposed to that. As he made sure to state, only to fluster Yoongi, of course. It always worked wonderfully, and Hoseok was still very much not single, thank you.

Seokjin was also happy to see him again, and meet his friends, so there was no running away from it. They would end up eventually meeting, anyway. Hoseok didn’t want to throw Yoongi under the bus like that, but well, Seokjin was going too. They were stronger than that, and getting along with the friends is a very important part of any relationship. And really, what harm could his friends actually do?

(As long as they keep Taehyung and Namjoon away from everything inflammable, not much.)

Jungkook and Jimin do their best to help with that, one handling the stove, the other handling the grill. When Yoongi and Seokjin arrive, they have it all pretty under control, and ready to start the feast.

If it should be awkward, at least at first, the barbecue turning out to be a complete failure. But it’s not. It’s almost unrealistic how quickly they fall into intimacy, and it’s probably all thanks to Yoongi’s first words when he sees Jungkook.

“Wait. You’re the flower shop guy.”

Jungkook’s expression lights up. “Oh. Oh. That single sunflower bouquet was for Hoseok hyung? Oh!” He eyes look like they suddenly hold a thousand stars, and he turns to Taehyung with a huge smile. “Remember the guy I told you about? Every week, the same bouquet–”

Taehyung bursts into a joyful laughter. “Yes, oh my god, Jungkookie has teared up like three different times talking about you. And it’s you!! I like you already, you’re approved, barbecue is over. We don’t need to hold this any longer.”

Or maybe it’s Seokjin’s first words right after that.

“So you’re the dumb fuck. You let this idiot walk out of the flower shop without a card or anything that would say he was the one giving Hoseok the damn flower.”

Taehyung immediately gets defensive. “Hey, watch out how you talk about my dumb fuck!”

Jungkook nods until he realizes what Taehyung just said, and then he slowly looks at his boyfriend with a betrayed look in his eyes.

Either way, after that, it’s all fun and games.

Quite literally, for some reason, Jimin appears with a board game to determine who’ll do the dishes, and they end up playing all the imaginable board games there are available in the house—which ends up being too many to count, Namjoon having his whole collection exposed by a very thrilled Taehyung and Jungkook. They almost forget to eat.

(They end up doing the dishes together.)

 

Dating Yoongi isn’t very different from what Hoseok was used to do before that. Except, there’s a lot more of the hand holding business.

Like. Triple the hand holding. He isn’t sure if Yoongi ever lets his hand go, to be honest. It’s oddly comforting, Hoseok never knew he was the type to enjoy that, but when Yoongi held his hand, he held it with purpose.

That and, of course, the kissing, sure make it all completely different, but what Hoseok feels is—it’s not that different. Those are details, and great ones at that, but their dynamic doesn’t change. Their talks and their Friday nights at the studio, how they use their time together and what they like to do and talk about—it’s all the same.

Highly comfortably so.

Hoseok wasn’t used to that, in particular. One time he tells Yoongi about his past… tries at this relationship thing. That is, by itself, something entirely new.

His past partners didn’t seem to be comfortable at all listening to Hoseok’s past relationships, like that was some kind of jealousy trigger instead of just a very intimate opportunity to open up. He himself refrained from talking about those, even though he knew there were no lingering feelings, besides wishing they were doing fine (and a healthy and harmless bit of animosity).

Yoongi, on the other hand, listened to everything intently. Sometimes, Hoseok thinks he’s going to take out a notebook and start writing down notes on it. Probably on what not to do—hopefully. He’d also have a great guide on how to make Hoseok break things up with him if he wanted to.

His own past relationships are close to nonexistent—due to his sexuality, Yoongi’s been through some things he says he’d rather avoid.

“Strong friendships usually quell the human thirst for affection, anyway. And they’re not half as demanding as a relationship.” He says, one Saturday night, sprawled on Hoseok’s bed. “I took some time to understand myself, too, and most of my experiences were before that, it’s only natural they weren’t the most pleasant to me.”

Hoseok slides down on the mattress, lying by his side and looking into his eyes, a reasonable distance between them—not too close to make them cross-eyed, not too far to make it way too impersonal.

“How was it, kitten?”

The pet name slips through his lips unintentionally—they aren’t big on pet names, but they’re not against it either. It just slips their mind, which is great because they work together, but sometimes Hoseok will say something and Yoongi melts, like right now.

His cheeks flush a light pink and he blinks slowly, lips parting on a shy smile.

“You mean, discovering my sexuality?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with.”

Yoongi leans closer, hair tickling Hoseok’s forehead, and drops a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“I already said I always feel comfortable with you, Seokie.”

He did, and Hoseok likes to listen to it again every now and then. It’s good for his (mild) anxiety most people don’t even know exists—but Yoongi does, and Yoongi understands.

“Sure, I’m just saying because I don’t want to intrude.”

Yoongi nods, with a lazy smile. “Well… I guess it’s the common ace experience, isn’t it? Just the usual, you’re raised to think a certain way, but you start noticing that you have to force yourself to meet those expectations. Everyone felt the same to me, girls or boys, and that was troublesome enough, right? But it wasn’t just that, it was a complete lack of attraction. When there was a spark, as small as it might be, it was something. And I just jumped into it. Dived straight into any kind of feeling I might get, not really caring about gender at this point anymore. I just wanted to feel what everyone talked about. Desire. I was supposed to feel that, right? If I couldn’t, then there was definitely something wrong with me.”

Hoseok kisses his cheeks, nose and forehead, just because he can. Yoongi lies on his back, letting out a small and almost imperceptible sigh. Hoseok pecks his lips.

“It’s really hard, hormones helped at first, I guess, sometimes I could just… get out of my body, I think. Dissociate. Get through it. Understanding I didn’t have to force myself was the hardest part, after that… I could deal with hormones alone, it was way better than having to face myself after forcing all those things I couldn’t feel. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really, although life would have been easier if we weren’t taught everything revolves around sex.”

Hoseok doesn’t need to be as Yoongi to relate to that. He understands.

“How long it took you? To understand it, I mean.”

“Around twenty-one, twenty-two, I took some time to myself and it was the best thing I ever did. Focused on music, started producing, just… Healed, you know? I was, hm, sick, from all the abuse I forced upon myself. I thought, well, you must be asexual. And rolled on with that. Wasn’t totally healthy, either, although Seokjin hyung would be the best person to talk about that. Me, personally, I was so glad I was free that I didn’t mind sacrificing other things. I had my friends. I lived with Seokjin. I’d visit my parents sometimes, and that was enough to get by.”

“But avoiding relationships was something bad, too?” Hoseok asks, curious. He doesn’t want to make Yoongi feel like his sexuality is something interesting to study, but he craves understanding and listening to him talk about it.

Doesn’t matter what he is, but his experience in life.

“Not exactly avoiding them, but avoiding to think about them. I pushed away any thought of intimacy, when I noticed people started to get more attractive as time passed by and we grew closer, I would immediately pull away. Distance myself before anything happened. I… well, there was a bit of a trauma there, right? Getting into all that mess again, I didn’t want that. And who’d understand an asexual? It just seemed unlikely, but I wouldn’t even try it. Sometimes I’d get some kisses and then give up and run away. Seokjin kept talking to me about it, he was very patient and all that, tried to convince me people who deserved me would understand it, but I wasn’t eager to go through any of that. He was there for me, so I eventually opened up about feeling things, and being afraid of these feelings. He was the one who found out about the ace-spectrum, and even though all the controversy that happens around that topic, he only cared about my understanding of myself. Anything that made me see I wasn’t weird, nor alone, was valid. And he was right. Took a while, but every time I felt weird about myself I’d read someone talking about their own experiences as demi and things would just feel right again. It didn’t matter that a part of the community wouldn’t accept it, because it made me accept myself.”

Silence comfortably falls between them, Yoongi’s eyes falling from the ceiling to Hoseok’s face, Hoseok’s eyes going down to Yoongi’s lips, and there’s really nothing to say.

Only an unreasonable—and yet, very reasonable—urge to kiss him.

Hoseok leans slowly in his direction, presses their lips softly while their eyes meet, not closing them until Yoongi closes his own, and presses stronger.

His calloused hand finds the back of Hoseok’s neck, urging him closer.

“You’re beautiful and fucking valid,” Hoseok whispers against his lips, opening his eyes the slightest necessary to see the man in front of him.

Yoongi chuckles, shaking his head. “I know. But… thanks, Seokie.”

They’re a few months into the relationship, and it’s almost a relief how they take everything without hurry—naturally, at their own pace, just enjoying each other and each other’s company. He’s never felt more at peace.

If he was a little afraid in the beginning, to the point of asking Taehyung if there was any tips on what to do and what not to do, by now he’d understand Yoongi meant it when he said there was nothing he could do to make him uncomfortable.

“If you care enough to worry about that, Hoseok hyung, it already means you’re doing the right thing. In any kind of relationship.” Taehyung said, Jungkook’s head on his chest.

The younger looked up, pulling down his hoodie to meet Taehyung’s eyes inquiringly. “Since when are you so well-versed on this subject, babe? You literally confessed saying I could kiss you or something when I said I didn’t know how to say goodbye to you before traveling.”

“I’m not, I have no idea how I still managed to get you. But since I did, and still do, it must mean I know something.”

Hoseok grunted, knowing that nothing pleasant for him could come out of this. “Please wait before I leave to start making out, I’m still here–goddammit, you guys...”

It usually goes like this, Yoongi’s legs getting tangled with his, Yoongi pressing his hip gently against Hoseok’s thighs, careful to apply the right pressure for it to be pleasant for them both, and they kiss until their lips are sore, or they get hungry, or the television show they were waiting for starts, and maybe once Yoongi offered to help with his erection, but Hoseok politely declined, even though, oh god, yes he wanted that, especially at that moment. But not as their first time, although he’d be fine with it if that was what Yoongi wanted—but Yoongi only offered to help, so no.

(Maybe he wasn’t ready, being with Yoongi made him think about things differently—sex was no more an obligation, a requirement for their relationship to be a relationship. It was just an extra, a detail, something that would happen when it had to, when they wanted it to. And, sure, every time they made out a little too intently, Hoseok wanted to. He’d bite Yoongi’s neck and wonder how he’d moan if they were doing it, but there was no vitality to it. He thinks back to all the relationships he had that ended when sex became a detail, and cherishes how Yoongi and him are the exact opposite of those.)

A part of Hoseok thinks Yoongi is more worried about him than about the act itself, or how he might react to it or feel. Hoseok cares maybe a little too much, so maybe he’s right. After all, it’s not Yoongi’s first time. It’s their first time, and that is what’s a little nerve-wracking no matter the circumstances.

And not, at the same time. It’s gonna happen when it happens. That’s how it should be.

However, it was never like this for Hoseok, so Yoongi might be seeing right through him. There’s a small fear, no matter how hard he fights it, that something is bound to go wrong.

They’re just too good to be true, and all that jazz. Drama about the first time of things dictating the whole relationship—like it wasn’t a constant practice, always improving, getting to know each other was even better than reaching the so-called “perfection”.

This now is exactly like each and every single one of their last times making out—only, somehow, with more intent. He can feel it in Yoongi’s touch, appreciative all over his body, urging him closer even where there’s no space at all between them. His feverish kisses, the way he licks and bites Hoseok’s lips as if he’s desperate for something, something only Hoseok can give him. Desperate for Hoseok.

He has this way of making Hoseok feel like his skin is burning everywhere Yoongi touches him, like he’s the most important thing in the world, and Yoongi lives to cherish him.

Yoongi runs his hands down the t-shirt and stops at the hem of his pants’ waistband, unbuttoning it so fast that Hoseok startles.

He meets Yoongi’s decided gaze, lips parted and voice breathy when he calls a low and deep “Seok.”

“Hm?”

“I want you.” He raises his head, reaching for Hoseok’s lips and biting it, dragging his teeth and kissing him. “Do you… want me, too?”

It’s almost a scoff, the violent huff of air that leaves his lips. Want is the magic word, and what Hoseok has been waiting to hear.

“Yes. Yes, I want you, Yoongi.”

The smaller man smiles smugly, lying down comfortably again as his fingers graze Hoseok’s v-line, sinking in the waistband of his boxers.

“Great.”

Honestly, at that moment he only thinks of whipping that smug look off Yoongi’s face, diving for his neck and ravishing it until Yoongi’s reduced to a breathless mess under him.

He takes care of Yoongi’s jeans as well, just unbuttoning them as Yoongi did to his, grabbing the hem of his shirt and lifting it first, taking it off, and throwing it on the bed as he goes back to Yoongi’s neck, collarbones, chest—until Yoongi is pulling him up, kissing him breathless, biting a little too strongly and forcing Hoseok’s eyes open in surprise.

He’s met with mischief.

“Take off my jeans already. And yours while you’re at it.”

“Demanding.” He breathes out, kissing Yoongi briefly after that.

“You have no idea.”

Hoseok chuckles, obeying nonetheless. It’s not like he’s not eager to see just that. Yoongi sprawled naked on his bed, skin everywhere for Hoseok to kiss and caress as he pleases, to his heart’s fucking content.

Maybe he wishes there were candlelights, and a glass of wine, although that’s just stupid and not at all natural —he still thinks Yoongi should get all that, but there are going to be other opportunities. Lots of them, hopefully.

He’s way more careful with Yoongi’s jeans than with his own pants, simply standing up and just sliding off of them in what’s probably a very ungracious manner, but Yoongi seems pleased with how fast Hoseok is back in his arms, kissing him, and everywhere their body touches is set on fire.

Yoongi pulls his shirt up and off the way, hungry for more, and Hoseok couldn’t agree more. All fabrics between them should definitely go. He takes care of that, toying with the band of Yoongi’s boxer, just a suggestion, in a slight teasing light, which gets Yoongi’s attention and consent.

A smile, it’s all there is to it, and he knows that they’re good to go.

Yoongi pushes him to the side, laying Hoseok down, and slides his boxers off way more swiftly now that their legs aren’t tangled anymore. He helps Hoseok with his own boxer, and takes a minute to admire the sight—all of it, now that Hoseok’s the one sprawled on the bed. There’s a smirk on his reddish lips, and it goes straight to Hoseok’s dick.

Yoongi raises his eyebrows, probably ready to tease him, but Hoseok whimpers —it’s not intentional, but it’s effective. Their eyes meet and there’s not only a spark, but a whole damn fire.

It’s his turn now, it’s only fair, but it’s so hard to keep himself collected as Yoongi works his mouth and hands all over Hoseok’s body, and all he can do is grip his shoulders, maybe pull his hair, all in search for purchase.

Especially when Yoongi licks his lips, almost in a kittenish way, eyes focused on Hoseok’s leaking cock.

Feels like dizziness, the wave that hits Hoseok’s head, clouding all his senses.

It takes everything in him to nod when Yoongi looks up, looking for consent even though the act itself seems like an aggression.

It’s the sexiest, most amazing thing Hoseok has ever seen, Yoongi licking the head of his cock and going down on him like it’s the best thing he’s ever had in his mouth. Until he urges Hoseok to move, he stays dead still—all but his heaving chest, where his heart beats like its doing the most not to give up and simply die.

It’s not much, he doesn’t want Yoongi choking or hurting, just a few circled motions which Yoongi takes so well, adjusts quickly, pulls away to lick his lips and fuck, taste them, peppering kisses on Hoseok’s thighs and all the way up.

When Yoongi kisses him, positions reversed, it’s gentle and demanding. There’s a lot of spit and he’s not even bothered by it, just wants to taste more, have more, let Yoongi drink the moans right out of his mouth as their bodies press closer and this time there’s nothing to separate them, the relief of it being almost stupidly unbearable.

Hoseok breathes in and out, steady, although he isn’t really nervous. When he speaks, it’s calm and decided, despite being almost a whisper. “Yoongi, since it’s the first time… I want you to have complete control to do anything you’d like and stop anytime you’d like… What I’m saying it’s… I want you to top, if that’s alright.”

Yoongi’s reaction is immediate. He smiles almost too gently, and Yoongi shouldn’t be doing that to his heart right now.

“If that puts you at ease, yes, I’d love that.”

“I… It’s not that, I’m not… I’m not worried, I just think it would be the best, unless you want me to…”

Yoongi pecks his lips, twice, three times. “It’s perfect. We gotta prep you.”

“Might… might not be that hard.”

He raises his eyebrows in clear surprise. “Really?”

Hoseok smirks, biting his lips, and shrugs.

“See for yourself.”

Yoongi laughs, and it’s honestly the hottest thing so far. His careless laughter, head thrown back, gummy smile, closed wrinkled eyes—Hoseok gets a heart boner, and now he knows what that consists of. Jungkook is always talking about it, every time Taehyung so much as breathes. It must be it, definitely, and his heart beats heavier in his chest as Yoongi stretches to get the lube beside the bed, already familiar with its location because Hoseok made sure to show him the first time he came over as his boyfriend—playfully, of course, but not just that.

All part of making Yoongi feel comfortable, little things that made sure he’d feel at home, not only when he was at Hoseok’s apartment, but whenever he was with Hoseok.

It’s a form of art how Yoongi stands there, naked, confident, just a smidge disheveled and sweaty, lips still wet and purple from kissing him. Hoseok thinks back to the first day he was invited to the private studio, and now he wants to laugh. Months later, and he wouldn’t change a single thing about how they got here.

There’s a sense of finality, and he feels the same from Yoongi, but it’s not out of impatience. If anything, it’s eagerness.

When he climbs back into the bed, crawling in Hoseok’s direction and caging him, lube and condom dropped beside them, the cap is open and there’s a small quantity spread on Yoongi’s fingers already. He drops a kiss to Hoseok’s lips as the other hand spreads his legs, and Yoongi pulls away just enough to gauge Hoseok’s reaction when his lubed fingers touch his entrance.

It’s really not that hard, as he “predicted”, due to his night activities on Thursday, but Yoongi doesn’t seem to care about that at all. He’s still careful, searching for the right spots and putting just enough pressure for it to be pleasant, massaging Hoseok’s walls and honestly, just teasing him to no end.

He’s starting to regret this now, he should’ve been the one teasing Yoongi. Although, no, this was exactly what he wanted. Yoongi is comfortable, confident, and he’s not leaving, nor stopping. There are no signs he’s changing his mind anytime soon, and Hoseok hopes he’s gonna be able to provide the necessary aftercare, everything else doesn’t really matter, even if Yoongi’s taking to damn long to add that gorgeous third finge— Oh.

“Like that, Seokie?”

“Please, Yoongi, I–”

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re doing great, I love you.”

The second he says it, Hoseok’s eyes blow wide. It’s not something he can avoid, and Yoongi mimics him only a second later, although he keeps his lips shut tight, he stops moving his fingers inside Hoseok, body stilling.

“Do you?” Hoseok asks, low, blood ringing through his ears.

Yoongi relaxes at that, sighing. “Yes, sorry, I didn’t mean to spring that out on you, especially not like this–”

“Me too.” Maybe if he had said it sooner, Hoseok would be afraid to say it back. But now, now with his heart boner and all that shit he’s been thinking for the past weeks, he’s not. “Yoongi, I love you.”

Yoongi’s breath hitches, audibly and desperate. “Oh, fuck, can I…”

“Yes, yeah, I’m ready.”

“Great, let me just…”

It’s endearing how Yoongi loses composure for a moment, struggling to even open the condom package, which Hoseok promptly offers to help with. It’s so cliche, but it’s their first, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Let kinks and other shit for later, Hoseok isn’t moving from where he is lying—Yoongi seems to think the same, although neither of them voice it. There’s a lot to learn about each other before going there.

I wanna see you, of course they both want that.

Yoongi positions himself and presses carefully, sinking in slower although this time it clearly looks like he isn’t having much fun with that. He’s grateful that Yoongi’s going slower for once, however, even though they’re both equally eager. It means he’s going to enjoy it more on the long run, and Yoongi knows that.

Hoseok raises his head, even using his arms to sustain him as he reaches for Yoongi’s focused face, and kisses him. Sweetly, pressing their lips together almost too chaste for the moment, until Yoongi bottoms out and they sigh into each other’s mouths.

Then, Yoongi kisses him deeper, messier, hungrier.

When Hoseok moves, just to make sure Yoongi knows he’s okay, he’s met with a thrust that puts them right back where they were before, a surprised moan leaving his lips. Yoongi swallows it, before pulling back with a determined look in his eyes.

“Did you like that? Gonna make you feel good, Seok. Tell me what you like, baby.”

Hoseok nods, speechless, but in a great fucking way.

Yoongi fucks into him until they’re both panting, Hoseok angling himself as best as he can to help, really trying to say what he likes—only, he finds himself enjoying everything a little too much, and soon enough, he’s way past the point of saying anything, senses too overwhelmed to even distinguish what makes him feel better. It’s all great, and maybe a little too much, he’s getting over sensitive and Yoongi seems to catch up with that, supporting himself on one arm and reaching for Hoseok’s cock in between them, stroking it tentatively at first, and then along with his thrusts.

“Yoon– yes, that,” Hoseok moans as Yoongi’s thumb slides through the slit, spreading the precum accumulating there.

“Cum for me, baby. Are you going to?”

“Ye– uhm, I–”

He can barely keep his eyes open as his orgasm wrecks through his body, Yoongi’s thumb still pressing against the slit, hips still working to keep the steady thrusts until Hoseok stops cumming.

Yoongi leans down, letting go of his cock and supporting himself on both arms again to drop a kiss on the tip of his nose.

Hoseok wants to laugh. Maybe cry a little, too, and that’s the most absurd thought he’s ever had. Definitely. He’s not the type to cry, at all, especially not after, or during, sex.

“You can keep… going.”

Yoongi didn’t stop, but he slowed it down so much it looks like he’s going to stop. He smiles, pecking Hoseok’s lips.

“Kiss me?”

“... Okay.”

Really, who is he to say no?

Hoseok laces his fingers in Yoongi’s hair, they’re wet but their texture is just as amazing as always, and he kisses Yoongi with everything he has.

Yoongi keeps the steady and slow rhythm until he cums, trembling in Hoseok’s hands, crumbling down into Hoseok’s arms. It feels great to be loved, but Hoseok thinks it feels greater to be loved by him. It feels greater to be loved by someone you love too.

“Just a second, I’ll take care of you.”

“All the seconds you need, kitten.”

Yoongi looks up at him lazily, lips parted on a contented grin.

“I do fucking love you, you know that, right? Wanted to make it all special when I told you, but well. I fucking do.”

“Sleep makes you foul-mouthed, baby.”

“Fuck it.”

Hoseok chuckles, and the movement seems to steer Yoongi awake. He pushes himself up and pulls out of Hoseok delicately, careful not to hurt him.

He’s preparing himself to go after Yoongi on the bathroom, maybe fill his bathtub and find a way they can both fit in there, but Yoongi comes back with a wet towel first—and Hoseok doesn’t mind at all that it’s the wrong towel for that. It’s going the be the right towel from now on, anyway.

Yoongi fits in his arms perfectly, sighing in content as he lies back down again, almost moaning into Hoseok’s ear like he just experienced another orgasm just from lying down with him.

The heart boner thing, maybe.

“I wasn’t sleepy at all but now I am,” Hoseok whispers like he’s sharing a secret.

“Great, because I’m gonna fall asleep in less than a minute.”

“A good night kiss, then?”

Their teeth clash a little, because of their smiles, but it’s really just perfect.

 


 

So, did you buy him flowers?” Seokjin asks through the phone call as soon as Yoongi picks it.

“Yeah, I stopped by the flower shop nearby before coming to the company.”

“Great! What did you buy? A bouquet?”

“Sunflowers, and no, that would be too scandalous. I wanted something simple and the guy working there did a great job with the arrangement.”

“Good, good. Was there a note, something romantic?”

Yoongi goes silent. “Uh?”

“Like, a card, with it, or something? Just saying your name or whatever.”

“...”

“Did you gift it to him yourself?”

“No, I left it at his work desk?”

“For fuck's sake, Yoongi, how’s he going to know that it was you?”

Yoongi stares at the screen of his computer for several seconds, hearing Seokjin grunt and grumble like an old man.

“I’m gonna tell him.”

“You fucking damn better, and the flower shop guy just let you do this foolishness, the godfuckingdamn airhead, the two of you–”

Yoongi turns off the call with Seokjin still going at it, but he ends up calling Seokjin again a minute later.

“Rude, stupid and fucking rude–”

“Hyung, what if he doesn’t like me? Or, think I’m weird? Because I’m...”

That seems to stop Seokjin’s rambling. The elder takes a deep breath.

“Yoongi.”

“Yeah?”

“Of all the stupid shit you’ve ever said, this one is the worst. I literally told you Hoseok came after me to talk about you. He’s head over heels for you, do you think understanding you will make him think you’re weird? You’re not that dumb, stop underplaying yourself.”

“Right. Right.”

Seokjin chuckles.

“Can’t believe you just agreed with me when I explicitly called you du–”

“Hyung?”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

Yoongi turns off the call hearing Seokjin’s yelling with a peaceful smile on his lips.