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The Darkness We Tell No One About

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"I put my feelings in a spoon

Try to carry them to the moon

Spill my love these tears from above

The wound cut down to the bone

Leave me, leave me all alone

Cause the knife was too sharp"

It was the last hour of work on a Friday afternoon and Shane was just idly checking his e-mail and watching the clock when he was broke out of his boredom by Andrew.

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" Andrew asked, trying to sound casual as he leaned against Shane's desk and sipped his cup of tea. It might have sounded causal if his voice hadn't have done that little cracking thing that it did when he was nervous.

Shane took a deep breath, his eyes still appearing impassive on the computer screen though he wasn't seeing it at all now. "No I'm not doing anything. Why?" Shane asked even though he knew exactly why. His fake carefree voice was much more convincing than Andrew's; he'd been perfecting it his entire life.

"Can I come over tonight?"

Shane's eyes scanned the office around him. Everyone else had that Friday afternoon vibe and hardly anyone was working; most people were conversing between themselves or goofing off so he knew that they weren't paying him and Andrew any attention. Even if they had been it wasn't like they would know what they were talking about; it all sounded so NORMAL. But of course it wasn't and now Shane was thinking about it and it seemed so obscene to be thinking about it in such a public place.

"I don't know…..I'm kind of beat" Shane said, dramatically leaning back in his chair and yawning for extra effect. How would he look if he said yes automatically? Plus, leaning back like this gave him a perfect excuse to see Andrew's face which dropped dramatically at Shane's words.

"Please?" Andrew said a bit desperately. Shane felt himself break out in a cold sweat at the look on Andrew's face. He could only describe it as HUNGER and not the hungry look any kind of food could illicit from him on a Worth It episode. It made Shane feel a bit proud of himself; gold tipped food couldn't get that look but HE could. But mostly it just made him feel unbelievably aroused.

Sometimes, Shane would say no just to remind Andrew that HE was in control of this situation. But this time he couldn't do it; not when Andrew was giving him that look like he was something to eat. In all fairness, it HAD been a long time…..

"Okay, I suppose that would be alright. Come around about eight" Shane said, doing his best to sound like he was just indulging Andrew and hiding the fact that he was unbelievably excited himself.

Andrew's face lit up; a wide smile broke out across his face before he caught himself and tried to look relaxed. Shane loved that smile just a little bit.

"Okay….okay. Great….see you at eight" Andrew said, nodding and making a move to leave.

Suddenly feeling brave in the midst of the crowded office and bolstered by the adrenaline of excitement to come, Shane whispered just low enough for Andrew to hear, "See you then…..slut"

Shane wanted to leave Andrew with something to tease him and he wasn't disappointed. Andrew nearly dropped his cup, sloshing tea on the floor next to Shane and giving him a bashful, embarrassed look as his cheeks colored. Then without even a word, he drank the rest of his tea like it was a shot and dashed off away from Shane.

Shane leaned back in his chair and grinned, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to get anymore work done today or think about anything else.

***
"But then I met you

You took away my blues

But I don't want to fall in love with you

Cause one day one day

I'll sing the same sad song for you"

The first time it happened, it was of course an accident. There was no way it could have not been accident; Shane wasn't THAT kind of guy. Well, at least he hadn't thought he was.

Andrew had been having a party at his house. Shane didn't care much for parties but it was mostly people they worked with so he didn't have to do too much socializing with people he didn't know which was the biggest downside of most parties. Actually, he spent most of the night talking to Steve which seemed ridiculously fucked up when he looked back on it later.

Shane was the last one left at the party because he had offered to help Andrew clean up; he was after all, the good Mid-Western gentleman his mother had taught him to be. He felt bad for Andrew seeing the trashed state of his place; that's really all it started out as. Andrew was profusely thankful for the help and after gathering up the garbage and sweeping a bit, Andrew asked Shane if he'd like to stay for a drink and maybe watch a movie. Shane wasn't dying to leave like he normally would have been so he agreed.

They had kicked back on the couch and Andrew had broken out a bottle of whisky and a couple of glasses. Shane had already had some beers during the party but he wasn't wasted and so he didn't feel the need to shy away from the whisky. Which, turned out to be fantastic, not the cheap stuff he usually bought for himself. Maybe Worth It had given a taste for better quality things; really Shane thought though that Andrew was probably already that way.

Shane was having a good time with Andrew. They didn't talk that often or hang out much but as they watched TV and chatted it seemed they had more in common than Shane realized that he was laughing more than he had in a long time.

Shane could have blamed it on the alcohol but honestly he hadn't been that drunk. He could have blamed it on the fact he hadn't gotten laid in a long time but honestly he had better self-control than that even when he was horny and slightly inebriated. The truth of the matter was that he didn't know what to blame it on because nothing like this had ever happened to him before. His relationships were pretty normal, his sex life was pretty normal…..there was no explanation for how he all of sudden went from watching TV with Andrew to fucking him on the couch.

Shane didn't know who had started it; there was the little touch of hands together, the graze against a leg that was meant to be an accident, leaning in entirely too close while talking and the brush of hot breath against each other's faces.

And just like that they were throwing off their clothes in a desperate haste, limbs and sweaty bodies entwined. There was nothing nice or romantic about it. Shane had never thought about having sex with Andrew before but if he had, he might have thought Andrew was the romantic type of guy. And Shane would consider himself not exactly romantic but a gentle guy. Neither of those turned out to be true that night.

It wasn't like a romance novel; actually, it was just like porn. Shane had never had sex that felt like porn before but that's exactly what this was like; rough, dirty and completely devoid of any feelings but pure lust as he fucked Andrew on the couch, the floor, against the wall, his bed. It was quite impressive really…..and completely uncharacteristic.

Shane didn't even recognize himself. Andrew wasn't the first guy he'd been with but he was usually on the receiving end of things; it turned out he was really loving the giving end of things. And by giving what he really meant was TAKING. When Andrew's fingers had dug into Shane's shoulder a bit too roughly, Shane had slapped Andrew across the face; maybe too hard to be playful but not hard enough to be serious about it. The effect on Andrew was VERY apparent; he gave a moan Shane would never have expected to come out of his mouth and grabbed Shane's dick so forcefully the message was quite clear. Surprise…..Andrew liked it rough. Bigger surprise…Shane liked being rough.

The more Andrew moaned and gasped and called his name, the rougher Shane got. He wasn't unfamiliar to the occasional slap or hands around the neck during sex but this was nothing like that. Shane would have called it hate fucking if he'd been describing someone else but was reluctant to call it that from himself. But the slapping, hitting, biting just kept getting worse and less playful; Andrew became more and more appreciative and Shane got more and more excited. And the obscenities? Shane didn't even know he knew so many dirty, sexual slurs but they all came rushing out of Shane's mouth as he practically smothered Andrew into the mattress and came like he never had before.

Shane had woke up the next day in Andrew's bed but Andrew was already up and out of bed which was probably a good thing. Shane's first thought was that he was consumed with shame over what he had done. He'd quickly thrown on his clothes which were as crumpled and dirty as he felt and tried to think about what to do.

Shane was ashamed of the way he'd acted; what had gotten into him? He had NEVER acted like that before. But more than that he was ashamed that he was THAT guy; a cheater. He wasn't dating anyone at the moment but he knew Andrew was. It was a pretty recent development; him and Steven had finally given in and admitted they liked each other which everyone else had known for forever. Shane didn't know how serious it was but he'd seen them kissing a few times at the office when they thought they were alone. Even if he hadn't he knew it was serious enough that he shouldn't have been FUCKING Andrew. Shane felt like shit; he HATED cheaters and now he was one.

When he couldn't hide any longer, Shane had drug himself through the apartment to find Andrew, trying not to recall every single spot along the way that they had fucked last night. He found Andrew at the kitchen table drinking coffee and looking at his phone. He looked so damn NORMAL Shane was a bit shook. Looking at Andrew you'd never know anything had happened. Having no idea what to say, Shane took the seat across from Andrew.

Andrew looked up at him but didn't say anything. He didn't seem ashamed or embarrassed; he just seemed to have nothing to say, Shane sighed heavily…so it was going to be this way…

"Are we going to talk…..about what happened?" Shane asked.

Andrew put his phone down and causally took a drink of coffee. "What about it?" he asked. He might have been talking about the weather for all of the emotion he betrayed. Shane was beginning to see why Andrew had been the Buzzfeed 'creep' in all of those videos. His lack of emotion was a bit psychotic. Though, of course, he seemed to have no shortage of emotion last night…..

"Dude…..what the FUCK?" Shane found himself bursting out. At least that got Andrew to smile a bit.

"I mean, seriously…..what the fuck? That was…that was really fucked up" Shane said.

Andrew grinned slyly over the top of his coffee cup. He looked a bit creepy; for some reason, Shane was a bit turned on by it. "You seemed to enjoy it" was all he had to say for himself.

Shane could feel his cheeks turn pink. "Well, yeah…..no shit I ENJOYED it" Shane said, feeling too hot and flustered. "But well, the problem is that you aren't single. What about Steven?"

Finally, some emotion flooded into Andrew's face. His expression fell and he looked down at the table, shame in his eyes. "Yeah…..I thought about that….."he said quietly.

Shane was beginning to think Andrew was stranger than he realized and for some reason he was feeling more attracted to him while simultaneously being a bit disgusted. "What do you mean you thought about that? Are you and Steven together or not?" Shane asked pointedly.

The look of shame increased on Andrew's face and he didn't look at Shane. "We are" he admitted.

"Then what's there to think about? Like….I'm a cheater now. You're a cheater. This isn't okay, Andrew" Shane said firmly.

Andrew looked up sheepishly at Shane; he liked Shane's firm voice. Shane would forever know that because of last night.

"Me and Steven don't do that" Andrew admitted.

Shane felt tired and sighed heavily. "What, you don't have sex? He doesn't essentially beat you while doing it? He doesn't treat you like shit even though you seem to love that?" he asked unabashedly. Shane already knew the answer; he doubted he and Steven were having sex yet. And if they were he knew for a fact Steven didn't have that darkness in him capable of hurting Andrew like that. Even now, Shane could see bruises on Andrew's neck and arms that he had put there; Steven could never do that.

"Both" Andrew said quietly.

"Andrew…..fuck…..we can't do this…..you can't act like this is okay!" Shane said, feeling exasperated. How had he gotten into this position? This was so very WRONG…..and yet it almost seemed like Andrew wanted it to keep going. And if he did…..Shane knew he was in trouble because he wasn't sure that he had the self-control to stop it. Despite how fucked up it all was, he couldn't deny that last night had been the best sex he'd ever had. Andrew had ruined him for everyone else; how could he say no to doing it again if Andrew wanted to?

"I know Steven…..he'd be upset if he knew what we did last night. He would not be okay with it" Shane said with certainty. Steven was one of those few adults who actually were pure of heart without being too tainted by the sadness and jadedness most adults his age had acquired. He would have been absolutely appalled if he could have seen Shane and Andrew last night.

"Just because you and Steven aren't having sex doesn't mean it's okay for you and me to" Shane said. He knew he wasn't wrong.

But then Andrew gave him that LOOK…..it was sadness and want and need and desperation…..it was so many things in those deep cold eyes of Andrew's all directed at Shane like a spell. It was a bit unnerving but no one had ever made him feel so MUCH just by a single look. It was then that Shane knew he was a goner.

"I need this, Shane…I don't know why but I just…..really need it like THAT…Steven couldn't possibly understand. I don't WANT him to understand…..I want him to stay the way he is. I don't want to make him dark. I don't want to ruin him" Andrew said, sadness creeping into his tone.

And that was how it had started. Shane could have, should have, argued because it was messed up and wrong whether Steven would have understood or not because they were still betraying him. But in that moment they gained an unspoken understanding. They were going to put aside their morals because they both had desires that possibly no one else could or would understand and they were going to use each other for them. They were going into this knowing that they were using each other and what they were doing was wrong.
****
And they were going to hate themselves and each other while they did it.

"I look at you

You look back at me

I can see you're lonesome just like me

And here they come

These waves of fear

Cause one day, one day

I'll sing the same sad song for you"

Shane was restless all afternoon while he waited for eight o clock to come. He didn't want to appear desperate so he had told Andrew a later hour but now he was wishing he hadn't. He felt fidgety and jittery and because of that he had come home and ended up cleaning his entire apartment before settling in and playing the most violent game he had on his PlayStation to burn steam. He was sweaty and jittery and already half hard no matter what he did and it was frankly a relief when he heard a knock at his door at five minutes to eight. Andrew, who was always habitually late for everything, was always, ALWAYS early when he came to Shane's place.

Shane practically dropped his controller but forced himself to take a deep, long breath before going to the door; he was after all the one in control. He had to get a hold of himself.

Shane opened the door to find Andrew standing there looking totally normal. His expression wasn't betraying him yet other than a bit of pink on his cheeks. Shane couldn't help but notice he was looking too fine in his tight gray sweater and black jeans that perfectly curved to fit his bum. His hair was perfectly combed and probably had product in it; he definitely had cologne on because Shane could already smell it. Shane felt a bit shabby in his t-shirt and shorts; at least he'd showered…..

"Hey" Andrew said. He put his hands in his pockets and gave Shane a small, shy smile. It was actually a bit charming, considering what they were about to do.

"Hi" Shane said, feeling that churning wave of excitement beginning in his stomach. He was already beginning to sweat.

Shane opened the door wider; he tried to tell Andrew to come in but his lips seemed to stick together. It was fine though; Andrew knew enough to take it as a cue to come in. These evenings weren't characterized by much talking.

Sliding into the room, Andrew made a beeline for the couch and the remote. He was already flipping through YouTube videos when Shane offered him a drink. It wasn't really a question; it was part of the process because they always had a drink.

"Yeah….I'll take a drink" Andrew said, smiling at Shane from couch.

"What do you want?" Shane asked. His heart was moving entirely too fast and he still felt jittery; he could skip the drink honestly but he wasn't going to break the process by betraying how eager he was. It had been entirely too LONG since Andrew had asked to come over and Shane simply did not initiate these encounters; it was part of his appearing in control.

"Anything you've got is fine" Andrew said cordially. He always said that…he always was so agreeable it was ridiculous.

Shane went into the kitchen and poured him and Andrew each a glass of white wine. Of course, it was something much more fine than he'd normally buy; he always saved the best for Andrew. The guy had had a $200 cocktail for work after all; plus, Shane figured if a guy let you fuck him like Andrew let him fuck him then he deserved the best.

Shane returned with the drinks and he and Andrew managed a tentative conversation. Shane asked about his latest project on Worth It; Andrew asked about his current episode of Unsolved. It was all very civil…..and forced. When he saw Andrew at work it was never like this; they had the casual conversation between each other that they had managed that first night before they'd gotten complicated by fucking each other. At work it was easy to pretend all that didn't happen and that they were entirely normal people; here it felt forced because they both knew this was really nothing more than a booty call.

After about ten minutes of forced conversation, they had finished their wine and Shane could already see Andrew was slowly inching his way over toward Shane until their thighs were touching. Andrew was wearing jeans but Shane was wearing shorts and the contact almost seemed as if there was nothing between them. He could feel Andrew's body heat radiating through his clothing; Andrew always felt like he was perpetually on fire.

A moment later, Andrew was on him. Shane felt his face gripped by two strong hands, his lips consumed by Andrew's mouth. And god did Andrew know how to kiss…Shane felt a jolt of desire flood through his body, making him feel dizzy. Andrew kissed like he was trying to consume you, all open mouthed and with a tongue that knew exactly how to move in your mouth to make you start trembling and moaning at its touch. And that was one of reasons that Shane didn't let Andrew kiss him on the mouth. Actually, this was pretty forward for Andrew; he must be pretty horny because he was normally so passive.

Shane gripped Andrew's shoulders tightly, digging in properly with his nails even though he wasn't sure how much Andrew felt it through his sweater. He pushed Andrew back, giving him a hard look he knew Andrew would appreciate. "What do you think you're doing? "he asked severely, looking into Andrew's eyes.

Andrew's eyes were so deep and full of pure FEELING it was sometimes hard for Shane to look into them. But right now they were full of need; Andrew's naturally pink lips puckered out at the loss of contact. "I….I…I was just….."he tried to say but he knew as well as Shane did that they didn't do this.

"I know what you were doing but you know we don't kiss on the lips. So, I'd suggest you find something else to occupy yourself with" Shane said savagely. It was so much easier once they'd gotten to this point, the point where they were in the headspace of their desires and they didn't have to overthink every word.

Andrew's cheeks blushed deep pink; it looked great on his naturally pale complexion. He seemed to debate about what to say before deciding to say nothing; his entirely too pink lips found a spot on Shane's neck and began sucking and biting in such a way that Shane couldn't help but fallback against the couch, a moan escaping his lips unbidden. Well, this was cheating, really because they didn't leave marks on each other anywhere that anyone could see them…..but Shane allowed it because he was that horny and Andrew really could do things with his tongue. Andrew's chest was pressed against his own, their racing hearts beating somewhere close to each other, Andrew's lips and teeth teasing a spot on Shane's neck that he would have to explain away tomorrow. This was cheating and Shane was going to allow himself a moment to cheat as well. Digging his long fingers into Andrew's hair, he let himself play with his ridiculously soft locks while Andrew pulled at his flesh.

There were two reasons he didn't let Andrew kiss him on the lips. The first was fairly simple; he was too damn good at it. Shane had never met anyone who could kiss like Andrew could. Usually kissing was what you did to get to the main event but when Andrew kissed you, it was like it WAS the main event. He could kiss you so deeply and erotically that you felt yourself being drawn away from yourself to him…..it was almost like he could own you while he was kissing you. So, yeah…that was unacceptable.

The second was more complicated; kissing on the lips was something you did when you were in a relationship. It was tender and intimate and personal…none of which could characterize his relationship with Andrew. They fucked each other and that was it…they couldn't have this too. Somehow, ironically and despicably, Shane felt that was something that Andrew should reserve for Steven.

Shane allowed himself a few shameful minutes of feeling Andrew's skilled lips against his neck, playing and pulling at Andrew's hair before he regained himself. "Alright…..that's enough of that" Shane said roughly. He grabbed Andrew's head in his hands and savagely pushed it toward his lap. For good measure, he pushed Andrew's face into his crouch. He could already feel Andrew's hot breath through his shorts as he huffed out a breath at the loss of contact.

"You know what to do" Shane growled. And growl was the right word; it didn't even sound like him. He sounded like the animal that he became during these encounters.

Andrew DID know what to do; he nodded quickly as his shaky fingers began pull at Shane's pants while he slipped into a crouching position on the floor. With Andrew between his legs, looking so red in the face, desperate and with that HUNGRY look again, Shane went from partially hard to painfully hard in a matter of seconds.

God…..Andrew looked so good like that…he stared down at Shane's cock with those deep, needy eyes for only a few seconds before his perfect lips wrapped around the tip and began to suck so hard Shane couldn't help but hiss out in pleasure. He reflexively gripped the couch for a moment before his fingers found his usual spot on Andrew's shoulders, digging in deep as he held onto the wave of desire making his head feel dizzy and drunk. This time, he knew he dug in deep enough; he could Andrew hiss slightly around his cock at the contact.

Andrew's amazing mouth skills weren't just for kissing; he gave the best blow jobs of anyone Shane had ever been with. His tongue and mouth were relentless, the pattern of where he licked and the force of sucking was so varied and unpredictable that it never got boring and always left him right on the edge of coming without actually going over the edge. He loved it and he hated it a bit too.

He could feel that dark fury of desperation building up like a storm cloud until it exploded. Grabbing Andrew's hair in hard fistfuls, he yanked Andrew's head so hard that he whimpered out pitifully before he was pushed down all the way on Shane's cock. "Come on…..surely you can do better than that" Shane barked in his 'being condescending to Andrew' voice.

Shane's whole body trembled as he got that delicious feeling of his cock hitting the back of Andrew's mouth, his dick completely enveloped in warm wet heat for a few seconds before Andrew started chocking.

It was a dick move; it was pretty much the rudest thing to do when someone was doing you the favor of sucking on your cock and Shane would never have done it to anyone else. But Andrew was different; a lot of things were different with Andrew. He liked being treated like shit for one thing. And he was just too damn hot like this for Shane to show anymore restraint.

Andrew's mouth popped off of Shane for a moment and even though Shane gasped slightly at the break of contact the image of Andrew chocking from his dick was worth it. His face was flushed red, his hair mussed from where Shane had pulled it, his eyes streaming, leaning over gagging, spit pouring out of his mouth. For a moment, Shane waited for Andrew to get sick but he didn't; that was a first. Shane felt a wave of pleasure at the revelation that they must have done this so much that Andrew was getting used to deep throating which was great new for Shane. Hell of a lot less messy too…..

"Ah, too much cock for you?" Shane asked in the dark trembling voice he'd found he had only with Andrew, surveying him from his position on the couch like he was a king and Andrew was his slave.

Andrew coughed a few more times before he managed to speak. "No…..no…..sir" he said.

Sir…..that was something that Andrew had started saying a couple of encounters back. Shane loved it; no one called him sir. It was powerful and quite amazing to feel respected when he was clearly disrespecting Andrew.

"Then what's with tears, huh?" Shane asked darkly, rubbing a finger along the water had come from Andrew's eyes when he was choking.

"Nothing….nothing, sir" Andrew said quickly….obediently.

Shane rubbed the water on Andrew's face for a moment before pulling his hand back quickly and slapping him on the face. He whimpered from the pain but he didn't pull back. "Well, then….stop being a pussy" Shane hissed before grabbing Andrew's hair and yanking him back down. He didn't force it all the way but he kept his hands knotted in Andrew's hair to keep him in place.

Shane didn't want to be the first one to start moaning; getting lost in the feel of Andrew's skilled hot mouth around him he had to keep his mouth shut, his moans dying in his throat. It just felt so damn…..good…..

It was a relief when he could feel Andrew slowly rutting against his leg as his sucked on Shane's cock and he began to gently moan against him. Andrew was cheating again…..he was getting desperate because Shane could feel his erection straining against his jeans and he was trying to gain some sort of touch, any kind of touch.

Andrew's movements were getting faster, trying to rub himself against Shane and Shane was feeling drunk on the desire flooding through him. He'd been so close to coming for so long that it was actually painful. He was desperate to lose himself in Andrew…..but he wanted to hear Andrew ask for it first.

Grabbing Andrew's head roughly again, he saw a slight look of panic flash over Andrew's face for a second as if he was afraid Shane was going to slam him on his cock again; it gave Shane a thrill.

"Hey…..what the hell are you doing?" Shane asked, holding Andrew's face in his hands.

Andrew actually had the indecency to look SHY and INNOCENT as he looked up at Shane. "I…..I was…..I was sucking your dick….sir" he said.

Shane was fairly sure he was going to explode soon; this was just too good. "That's fucking obvious" Shane said condescendingly. "I meant, what are you doing with this….."

Shane reached down and grabbed Andrew through his jeans, earning him a delicious, pitiful moan. He tried to push himself against Shane's hand desperately but Shane slapped him again…..harder this time. He actually saw some water come to his eyes that time.

"I asked you a question…what were you doing there?" Shane asked again.

Andrew's eyes were closed, his long lashes slightly damp; he rubbed his face against Shane's hand gently; the one that had just slapped him…It was too tender a thing for them but Shane allowed it because Andrew looked so damn pitiful. "I was trying to rub myself…..I'm just so….hard…"he admitted.

"You want to do it yourself? I could let you fuck yourself and just sit back and watch? Is that what you want?" Shane asked severely. He'd made Andrew do that once…it had been quite a thing to watch, Andrew jerking himself off while he begged Shane to fuck him. Shane was too desperate to do that now.

"No! That's not what I want" Andrew said a bit desperately, shaking his head against Shane's hand.

"Well, out with it…..what do you want?" Shane demanded.

Andrew opened his eyes this time, piercing Shane with the openness and rawness in them. "Fuck me…..please fuck me" he begged.

Shane's whole body trembled with need at that desperation, his cock twitching. "See, all you have to do is ask for what you want, you little slut" Shane hissed but he was already at Andrew's neck, biting him and sucking at the skin near his collar bone so desperately it was as if he could actually CONSUME Andrew in some way…his hands grabbed Andrew's back pulling him to him so they were pressed against each other. The harder Shane bit Andrew's skin, the more he tipped his head back to give Shane more room, panting and moaning with each labored breath.

Shane actually really wanted to kiss Andrew on the lips; he settled instead on ripping Andrew's sweater roughly over his head, kissing, nipping and scratching a furious pattern across Andrew's chest and back.

It was ridiculous they were not in his bedroom yet and Shane began to push Andrew roughly backward toward his bedroom, never quite letting him out of his vampire like touch so that they mostly stumbled toward his room.

Shane pushed Andrew all the way back toward his bed and when they had finally, FINALLY gotten there, Shane pushed him backward onto the bed, grabbing Andrew by the belt and trying to make quick work of it while Andrew lay there impassively in his touch.

Shane's hands were shaking with need as he fumbled with Andrew's belt. When it was finally open, he pulled Andrew's pants and underwear off together in a quick, desperate action, watching Andrew's erection spring forward impressively. Shane felt his mouth water and grow dry almost simultaneously.

Shane was always a bit amazed seeing Andrew spread out on his bed, naked and waiting like that. Andrew looked nothing like Shane did unclothed. Where Shane was always a bit self-conscious about his body, what with its long limbs and his too skinny physique that showed exactly how much he never did any kind of physical activity, Andrew obviously did not have any of those concerns. He wasn't what Shane would call buff but his whole body had the trim, toned look of someone that clearly worked out and was active a lot so that all those rich meals he was always eating didn't show on body. He looked exactly like Shane had always wanted to look and was clearly what Shane would have considered out of his league so it was always a surprise to find him in his bed. He looked exactly like the kind of guy that would be with someone classically attractive like Steven. Shane didn't know why that thought began to make him feel jealous all of a sudden. Shane swallowed hard and forced himself not to think about Steven; if he did, then this would all start to feel wrong.

Shane realized he must have been staring at Andrew for too long because he was suddenly looking at him differently. He still had the heat and need in his eyes but his expression was softening. He reached a hand out toward Shane to try and touch him.

"Shane…"

His voice was soft, needy for sure, but soft…..kind. It was somehow all wrong and for some reason it made Shane angry. He didn't know why he was angry. Was he angry at Andrew for putting him in this position? Was he angry at himself for having these desires? Angry he was a cheater? Angry that he didn't get the parts of Andrew that Steven got? Was he angry because of all of that?

Well, it simply didn't matter. Shane felt his anger and lust rise inside him and let it take over, overshadowing everything else. Shane pushed Andrew's grabbing hand out of the way and with a swiftness that surprised him and Andrew, grabbed him and flipped him over so that he was pressed into bed, face down.

Shane quickly threw his off his clothes and climbed up onto the bed behind Andrew. God…..Andrew had such a nice ass. Shane let his hands travel over it, feeling the perfect firmness of his muscles before letting his fingers travel in between his cheeks and beginning to tease Andrew's entrance. The moan that broke from Andrew's lips was nearly Shane's undoing.

"Do it, Shane…..fuck me!" Andrew said. There was a slightly hard tone to his words that wasn't usually there, as if he too was a bit pissed off and tired of waiting. Shane kind of liked it; who didn't like someone begging them to fuck them? But he liked telling him off more.

"Shut up!" Shane barked, grabbing the back of Andrew's head and pushing it down into bed so hard that Shane could hear little more than a muffled moan into the blankets. Reaching across Andrew to his nightstand, Shane reached out to grab a condom.

With one hand sliding it onto himself, his other hand began the process of opening Andrew up, sticking one, two and then three fingers into him too fast so that Andrew was moaning and grabbing onto the blankets in desperate fistfuls. As soon as Shane had gotten the condom on, he was already pressing the tip towards Andrew's entrance. Not bothering to be gentle, Shane pushed himself all the way inside in a swift motion.

Andrew cursed and Shane moaned loudly in the silence of the room. Andrew was so tight, so unbelievably perfect…Shane grabbed onto Andrew's hips as he felt himself dizzy and heady at the delicious pressure and began to thrust in a fast and furious pace, burying himself deeply each time.

Andrew was a mess beneath him; moaning, panting, arching up to Shane as he wriggled insensibly on the bed. The noises coming from him were dirty, pleased and slightly pained…after a while he began to call out Shane's named like it was a kind of mantra.

"Shane…..Shane…Shane….."

With every call of his name, Shane pushed into Andrew, feeling his impatient need to orgasm begin to build up. No one said his name like that and Shane would never get tired of hearing it; Andrew said his name like it was something halfway between a curse and a prayer.

Shane was hitting Andrew's prostate with each thrust when Andrew's calling of his name began to be less of his name and more of a moan.

"I'm…..I'm…..going to…"Andrew began to say. His voice was so quiet that Shane could barely hear him over the loud sound of his thrusts and his own grunts.

Shane could tell Andrew was getting close to coming because he sounded so very desperate. "Wait" Shane breathed darkly in Andrew's ear, his own voice breathy and needy with his own closeness. He liked to come first; he liked to be able to look at Andrew's face when he came.

"I…..I…..don't think….I….can" Andrew said desperately, gasping. Shane himself was close…..so close…..Shane knew Andrew could wait if he asked.

"Yes you can…..and you will…I said so" Shane said, leaning down and breathing it in Andrew's ear. The whimper that came from Andrew was excellent…..

As Shane's orgasm began to build up like a wave, he dug his fingers into Andrew's hips hard enough to guarantee that he'd have bruises tomorrow; he gave a final few last thrusts and came so hard that it shook his entire body.

As he rode out his orgasm, Shane felt himself collapse against Andrew's sweaty back, gasping for breath. For a few minutes, he just lay like that, wanting to feel Andrew's skin against his own in his post orgasmic state and being oddly comforted by the sensation of Andrew's heavy breath against him.

When his cock grew slack, Shane pulled out of Andrew with a mutual groan. Andrew made no move to turn around without Shane telling him to and Shane was pleased with the obedience when he knew he had to be dying to come himself. Shane discarded the condom and wiped himself off before he grabbed Andrew roughly and turned him around.

"Andrew, look at me" Shane commanded. He climbed on top of Andrew, sitting slightly on his lap so that he could take him roughly in hand.

Andrew looked up at Shane, his face flushed deep red and covered in sweat; he was gasping and looked desperate. When Shane grabbed his cock and began to pump it hard and fast, Andrew's head fell back against the pillow, eyes tightly shut.

Shane's hand didn't wave on Andrew's cock as his other hand reached up and grabbed Andrew's neck roughly, squeezing enough to choke him slightly. "Hey! I said look at me" Shane commanded.

It got Andrew's attention; his eyes snapped open as he choked. And there were those EYES…

This was almost as erotic and powerful feeling as it was to actually fuck Andrew. Looking into his eyes as he gradually coaxed an orgasm from him, Shane could see every little reaction, every little emotion…it made Andrew so vulnerable and exposed while Shane got the luxury of not having to betray anything; at his most vulnerable moment, Andrew's face was being smashed into the bed.

Slightly increasing the pressure on Andrew's neck, Shane leaned close to Andrew's face, looking into those eyes as he said, "Come for me, Andrew"

That's how easy it was; Andrew's breath hitched and told Shane the simple command was nearly enough to get him there.

Shane increased the hardness in his voice. "Come on, Andrew…..be the dirty, disgusting boy you are and come for me"

It was just like Shane had pushed a button with those words; as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Andrew's face was drawn in pleasure, moaning out Shane's name one last time as come spilled out over Shane's hand and onto Andrew's stomach. Andrew's labored breathing began to slow as his orgasm tapered off and his cock began to grow slack in Shane's grip. Even so, Shane found himself unable to let go for what was probably too long, watching Andrew's come slowly run down his hand and away from him. When he finally tore his gaze away and let go, Andrew wasn't looking at him anymore.
****

"Two people in a room

Two pieces of my heart

You're all I need tonight

At least we've got a start"

Shane hated this part of the evening; his lust had fizzled out and he always had that post orgasmic sense of neediness and clinginess. Of course, he couldn't say anything to Andrew and because he couldn't express any of this he always ended up coming off angry and bitchy.

Andrew was already getting dressed; his perfect butt had already disappeared into his perfect jeans and he was throwing his sweater over his head. Shane hadn't made any effort to get dressed, just slipped under the covers of his bed up to his waist; he never could manage to do much after Andrew left and anyway he was tired and felt a bit shitty.

"Leaving already?" Shane asked. He knew the answer; aside from the first time, they never actually slept together. They both knew this so the words came out and echoed surprisingly loud in a room that had been echoing with their obscenely loud moans minutes earlier.

"Yeah…..I've got an early day tomorrow so…..yeah….I got to get going" Andrew said, setting on the edge of the bed and tying his shoes; he was resolutely not looking at Shane. It was a shit excuse and they both knew it.

"You could always crash here, you know" Shane said. It was like his mouth had a mind of his own because he had not meant to say that AT ALL…this was verging on territory that they didn't discuss, crossing lines they didn't cross. Shane hated he showed his hand even a little bit letting that slip. It was just that this was the point where he began to feel used. Which, of course, he WAS…..Andrew WAS using him and Shane WAS using Andrew. They both were okay with that and Shane didn't WANT a relationship with Andrew or anything anyway. He just felt like maybe if he got to sleep next to Andrew after all this, waking up to the smell of his cologne and musk and feeling his body heat radiating next to him before he took off in the morning maybe he wouldn't feel quite so….sleazy.

From where he was sitting behind Andrew, he could see his shoulders slump, as he looked down and then up with a heavy sigh. "Shane…..you know I can't do that" Andrew said tiredly.

Right….right…Shane DID know that….he knew that they both agreed to fuck each other and pretend it wasn't wrong but the second that they did something anywhere close to softness or tenderness it was automatically TOO much. Normally it didn't bother Shane that much but he was just really having an off night; he could feel that hurt bitchiness rising inside him and he wasn't able to stop it.

"Do you ever think maybe you should tell Steven about all of this?"

Andrew was looking down at his lap; he turned slightly at Shane's comment but not enough to really look at each other's eyes. "Of course I think I should tell him…but I'm not going to. Not now, at least. He's not…..well, you now, he's not….."

"He's not fucked up like us?" Shane supplied. When Andrew looked at him, he gave him a self-depreciating smile. There was something nice about sharing something together that no one else knew about , even if it was really messed….and maybe just because it was.

Andrew gave him a slight grin back. "Yeah….exactly" he agreed.

There was not much else to be said and Shane knew Andrew was going to leave. He felt a bit odd, like he was empty; that feeling only increased as Andrew got up off the bed and began to walk toward the door. "Well….I'll….uh…..see you on Monday. Yeah?" Andrew asked

"Yeah" Shane agreed.

Because really….what else could he say? Andrew would leave and Shane wouldn't see him, talk to him or text him all weekend. They'd go back to their own separate lives, only occasionally thinking about each other either out of guilt or to relive the great sex they'd had. They would see each at work on Monday and it would be like this had never happened; they'd be able to have a totally normal conversation. Nothing would be strange at all between them…..and then, eventually they would get horny and start the whole strange cycle again.

And somehow, in their fucked up minds and worlds…that would be just fine.