Chapter 1: Their First Time.
It was a late February night or an early Saturday morning. Mulder was sitting at a bar drowning his sorrows in liquor, at the news that was given to him early in the afternoon while he was at work. He was no longer going to be working The X-Files division alone and the higher-ups were assigning him a new partner. He knew four facts about this person. One; she indeed was a female (he knew her name) and two; the fact she was sent to spy on him.
He downed a tequila shot and repeated her name Dana Katherine Scully over and over again until he was familiar with it. After he got the news he went and looked Dana up; she had a thesis called Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation that she had written when she was just 23 years old in 1986. Which yes may have been pretty good it made him hate her even more because she was a scientist and would probably call him crazy.
Mulder was on his 5th round of Tequila shots and half tipsy, half drunk. When he heard a feminine voice beside him asking for two Mama Mia cocktails. He turned his head to look at her. She was beautiful, she had fiery red hair and beautiful crystal blue eyes. She caught him looking at her and smiled. Which made him blush but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was wearing a white lace dress. It was elegant but revealing at the same time. Just seeing the beautiful woman in front of him sent impulses from his brain to his groin.
"So your an ABBA fan then," Mulder said shly.
"Yes kind of... but it's also a really good cocktail."
"Oh is it now, I might just have to try it. So, what brings a lovely woman like you out to a place like this?"
Scully started blushing a lovely shade of crimson at the compliment. When she actually took a moment to look down at the man sitting on a stool talking to her, she noticed that he was wearing blue Levi jeans, with either a brown or navy v neck t-shirt (she couldn't tell in the dim lighting and smoky atmosphere of the bar) with a leather jacket placed over the back of the stool.
"Me..." Scully turned, pointing toward Ellen who was dancing with a couple of men "and my friend Ellen" then turned back to look at him "We are actually out for my birthday, anyway I better get going before she gets herself into trouble"
"Bye, I hope you enjoy the rest of your night"
"Bye and you too" and Scully rushed off to find Ellen and Mulder watched her walk away.
Later that night
Scully was exiting the restroom at the back of the Bar, after seeing Ellen off safely to her taxi and was getting ready to catch her own home for the night. She was so lost in thoughts over the man she had spoken to earlier with his deep hazel eyes and mousy brown hair, well-defined jawline, and 5 o'clock shadow forming... when she accidentally bumped into someone (she wasn't paying attention) and said "Sorry" without even looking up.
"It’s okay, and Hello again"
Scully recognized the voice and looked up at him. It was the man for earlier the one she could not stop thinking about.
"Hello" she smiled softly, looking up at him (he was taller than she had initially thought). "It's nice to see you again"
"It’s nice to see you too, my name is Bob"
"Seriously, your name is Bob?" she said laughing.
"No, but it’s nice to see you laugh"
"Thank you my name is Katherine," Scully said with an impish smile. "What would you like me to call you?"
"Oh, Bob is fine... for now. Katherine is a lovely name"
Scully could feel "Bob's" eyes running the entire length of her slender body. Memorizing each and every detail of her; working his way from her legs to the curve of her hips, to the hilt of her breasts and finally landing on her sparkling blue eyes. His deep hazel eyes were full of desire... for her and it sent little butterflies fluttering in her stomach and her own desire building between her thighs. She thought it had been a long time since any man had looked at her the way Bob was looking at her right now. She felt wanted and needed. The last relationship that she was in was incredibly messy and ended badly. And in that moment, Scully decided to let her inhibitions go out the window, the realization freeing her.
Without warning or much forethought, she rose up on her tiptoes and gently placed her mouth against his, tasting the liquor he had earlier in the night but also hints of lemon and salt.
He pushed her against the wall placing his hand on her hips. She could feel his erection against her thigh and she hummed against his lips in excitement, as he swayed his body against hers. She opened her mouth to let his tongue slid against hers, his tongue felt soft and sensual yet sweet and sour as it was invading her mouth, over and over again and she couldn't care less. She ran her tongue against the inside of his lips before nipping and biting his bottom lip with her teeth while his fingers were slowly working their way from her waist and up her torso.
Scully broke the kiss and whispered into "Bob's" ear. "We should go somewhere more private" and he agreed, releasing her from his wanton grasp and followed her out the door.
Mulder managed to flag down a taxi and when it slowed to a stop, he opened the back door for "Katherine" and helped her into the taxi.
"A true gentleman" the comment instantly made Mulder smile, as he walked around to the other side of the taxi and slid into the seat next to her.
Mulder told the taxi driver the name of his apartment complex. The male taxi driver said something about it being about a 20 minute ride and Mulder nodded in understanding to him.
Scully was drifting her hand over his stomach feeling every ab, before working her way down to the bulge in-between his legs. She started to work on undoing the belt buckle on his Levi's, her delicate fingers undoing it with ease and then yanked the zipper down with impatience; a small grunt escaped his lips when he felt her tiny, warm hand wrap around his penis and pull him out of his boxer shorts, exposing him to the cool air circulating in the cab.
Mulder shuffled slightly so he could take off his jacket and placed it on top of his groin, to cover himself from the potentially prying eyes of the taxi driver should check the rear-view mirror. She ran her forefinger along the underside of his penis from root to tip, spreading his pre-cum around the head and back down again. Scully wrapped her tiny hand fully around his width and started sliding and pumping her hand up and down his shaft. Mulder's head fell back against the seat, in pleasure, biting his bottom lip to stay quiet. She leaned down and brought her red luscious lips to the tip of his cock, darting her tongue out to taste him. She swiped her tongue around the circumference of it before bobbing down and back up again quickly. His undoing was when she placed his entire erection into her wet mouth.
A very loud free-spirited grunt came out of his lips which made the taxi driver look at the wing mirror at what Scully was doing underneath his jacket. Mulder looked into the rear-view mirror and caught the taxi driver's eyes trying to decipher what was happening in the back of his cab causing him to grin, and the driver to instantly blush but then he felt Scully's teeth lightly scrape against his shaft and was immediately brought back to what she was doing to him. Her tongue darting, swirling and licking her hand in a smooth well-practiced movement, while still moving faster and faster up and down his cock. He could feel Scully taking all of him into her throat before devouring him whole. She hollowed her cheeks, sucking with intensity as her mouth bobbed underneath his jacket, his penis was throbbing and twitching as her hand cupped and squeezed his balls, surprising him. He could feel his impending desire overwhelm him, his toes curled, his hands grabbing the back of the seat cushions as his cock twitched into her mouth, his hot semen flowing freely down her throat. She wasn't letting go until she drank every last drop.
The taxi driver stopped the car as she let his penis go with a loud pop. Mulder quickly put himself back into his Levi's before paying the man and leaving an amazing tip. He caught Scully shivering as the cold wind hit her skin and sent little rows of goosebumps up her arms, so he pulled her warmly against him, interlocking their fingers, walking her carefully towards the entrance to his apartment complex.
Scully felt like a horny teenage school girl, but she didn’t care. The desire to have him inside her was only fueled by what she had just done to him in the taxi-cab. She had never done anything like that before but the prospect of being caught excited her in ways she had never imagined possible. The butterflies in her stomach were no longer fluttering it was more a pleasant buzzing, she felt like she was floating and the only thing keeping her grounded was his hand holding hers. He led her towards the lift which she was thankful for because she didn't want to walk up several flights of stairs in her heels, as the lift door opened he pushed her inside and pressed the button to his floor.
Mulder frantically covered her mouth with his, pushing her lightly so that her back was flush against the lift wall. She felt his fingers slide roughly up her thighs, his fingers were cold but soft and leaned his body against hers. She could smell his Brut aftershave, it was quite a strong smell, spicy yet masculine. He lowered his head into the crook of her neck and his fingers moved her pants to the side and started running lines on her inner folds. His mouth started kissing, gnawing at her skin and she felt his beard leaving red little scratch marks everywhere he had been. Suddenly the lift stopped, sending Scully flying into Mulder's arms which made them both giggle.
Mulder walked Scully to apartment 42 he managed to unlock the door but it took several tries because Scully kept distracting him with her wandering hands, trailing up his torso then switching it up by traveling further down to his still semi-hard lower appendage. As soon as the door swung open he picked "Katherine" up, kicking the door closed behind them before dragging her towards the kitchen and dumping the keys on the small table on their way past. Her heels were digging into his back as she wrapped her legs around his waist. When they made it into the kitchen area, he lifted her up with ease onto the kitchen counter, lifting her dress up around her hips. "Bob" lent down and started placing small tantalizing kisses on her inner left thigh slowly working his way up and then moving to her right thigh, completely ignoring the apex in-between her legs, he could smell her arousal and his cock strained against his denim jeans. He placed one of his hands on her knees opening her legs a little wider for him to have better access, placing two digits into her tight tunnel curling his finger after finding the soft squidgy spot which instantly made her scream out in pleasure, he looked up at her, noticing that her face was flushed and her breathing had become erratic as her torso heaved up and down, her breasts bouncing with every erratic breath. His fingers started pumping in and out slowly at first but getting faster at each passing second. Scully’s eyes fluttered shut, as the intense feeling of her growing excitement began creeping, flying, spirling and tingling inside her lower belly, every one of her nerve endings was on fire. Mulder moved his mouth to her apex and his tongue licked each side of her vulva before diving into her entrance, pushing it in as far as it would go.
"Fuck" she screamed, to which he breathlessly replied with "You're.. so wet and tight. You're driving me crazy!"
Scully's knuckles were turning white as she held on tight to the lip of the kitchen counter. Mulder moved his tongue to her sex flicking, swishing and lapping her up like a goddamn ice cream cone of the sweetest kind; she tasted like strawberries with a hint of honey, her smell was lavender and roses and her skin was as soft as cotton. The things he was doing with his tongue were sending impulses and twitches down her legs and the pressure inside her was building, as her screams were getting louder too. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, and her inner walls started twitching in time with the thrust of his long fingers. She was so close to the edge of pure ecstasy that she just barely heard him say "cum for me Katherine" and that was all it took. She lost control, falling into pure bliss, as her whole body started convulsing against his fingers her tunnel contracting and relaxing. He withdrew his fingers and stood up letting her head fall onto his shoulder as she rode out the aftershocks of her subsiding orgasm.
When Scully was able to put two coherent thoughts together, she carefully and slowly eased her body off of the edge of the counter and quickly removed her dress and heels, depositing them on the floor. She walked a few steps behind him into the lounge room in just her lace nude panties before laying down on the sofa, waiting for him to join her but Mulder could not takes his eyes of the ravishing woman relaxing in front of him. When her eyes locked onto his (a quite demand passing between them), he quickly undressed under her appreciate eye. He was in awe of the stunning semi naked woman in front of him, his eyes scanning her exquisite breasts so beautiful and perky, nipples rosy and taut. The sight of her literally took his breath away. He noticed the very pleasing to the eye underwear but they needed to go, so he lowered himself in front of her and watched as she knowingly lifted her hips, as he slowly and sensually peeled the underwear down her alabaster thighs and smooth calves, slowly tickling her ankles before throwing them near her dress.
"Umm, that’s better" but before he could say anything else she pulled him onto of her.
His erection was now sitting on her flat stomach, his hands found her breasts while his lips found her lips, again. Their tongues danced the tango swishing and gliding, his hands running lines on the underside of her breasts and then moving up towards her nipples, watching as they became hard under the touch of his hands and fingers, he rubbed them... flicking and toying with them. Their kisses became deeper and hungrier.
Mulder looked into her eyes and all he saw staring back at him were pools of desire hidden behind her long flirtatious lashes. His kisses moved from her lips down to the crook of neck nibbling the soft spot behind her ear and then down to her clavicle and finally to her breastbone.
Each frantic kiss and tender suck was making her breath hitch in anticipation of what he was about to do to her, he was leaving little snail trails of saliva and purple and red blotches in his wake. Scully could already feel the pressure building again, making her yearn for him to be inside of her. When she tried to grab the edge of the sofa, her sweaty hands would slip off the material the sofa was made out of, which she only now noticed was leather.
As soon as his lips touched her nipples, her hands grabbed the arm of the sofa successfully this time, grabbing it with all her force as her back arched off the sofa in response. His tongue circling each nipple with feather like touches, his other hand nibbling and rolling the other nipple so it didn't feel left out of the fun switching between them and repeating the same process over again. Mulder's tongue and finger were doing such exquisite things to her. Delicately touching her and leaving her wanting more. He moved away, briefly and she desperately missed his warmth, she was watching him with greedy, lustful eyes as he ripped open the foil packet and placed the contents, a neon green condom, on his tip. She sat up and pushed his hands away rolling down the piece of latex down his shaft herself. there was something erotic about her doing it for him. Maybe if his new partner was like "Katherine" they would get along amazingly.
Mulder carefully lowered himself down on top of her lithe body, maneuvering his erection slowly towards her entrance as he didn’t want to go too fast too soon, in case he hurt her.
Yes, he had only known her a few hours but being with her felt like he had known her his entire life. He slowly started moving into her, inch by inch, letting her adjust to his girth as his lips found hers again, absorbing the words and hums of her voice as he fully enveloped her in his loving embrace, her walls clutching him like a cozy blanket all snug and warm. He asked if everything was okay and she nodded, not being able to put a thought together to speak the words out loud, looking down at her the lust for him (and him alone) was sending him and his intense desire for her crazy, causing him to start rocking his hips back and forth pulling himself nearly all the way out and then plunging all the way back into her at an extremely slow and torturous pace.
Every time he did this action her back would arch off the sofa, her breasts would press against his upper torso. Her hands were moving through his chestnut hair, pulling his face down so she could kiss him, there tongues sliding and slipping against each other with a passion neither had felt in a long time. Scully sucked his bottom lip into her teeth and started sucking, gently nipping and toying with it. With each rock of his hips, her whimpers and moans got louder and louder until she couldn't take his deliberately slow pace anymore.
"Faster... Harder." was all she could manage between kisses and thrusts and her hands moved from his hair down to his bare ass squeezing her nails into it, a signal she needed more from him at this moment.
He took her directions, gratefully and started moving his hips frantically... harder and faster and deeper, and knew she was close because every time he hit her cervix he could feel her wall clamp down on him. Her nails digging little half moon shapes into his back, the heat radiating off both of them was fogging up his apartment windows in the chill of the cold winter night.
Scully's breath was ragged and so was his, as he leaned back a little to admire her. She brought her finger to his mouth, so he could coat it in his saliva before bringing it to her sex, circling faster and faster meeting his thrusts. The pressure building, back arching, sweat forming, toe tingling, walls pulsing, name screaming as they fell off epiphanies edge together.
She was milking him for everything he was worth and he was still pulsing inside of her literally giving her everything he was worth, he slowly peeled himself off her body before removing the latex from his softening penis before wrapping it up in a tissue and throwing it in the bin.
Mulder turned around, noticing "Katherine" was already putting her dress back on and picking up her heels. When she said;
"That was amazing, Bob, thank you but I should really get going"
"You could stay a little longer... I wouldn't mind" Mulder tried not to sound desperate, he just really didn't want the night to end.
"I can’t... I’m sorry, but I did have an amazing time" Scully said, walking towards the door opening it and he quickly walked towards her, turning her around to face him and kissed her passionately and with intent.
"Something to remember me by" "Bob," said. looking down at her with an impish smile plastered on his face.
"Thank you, I don’t think I will ever forget tonight... truly" "Katherine" smiled before walking away, around the corner and out of sight.
If only she knew how right she would turn out to be...
Chapter 2: News
Their First case and more.
so I stuck a little bit to canon with the first part of this chapter up until certain points which I need to fit my agenda. After this I kind of speed up the timeline sorry about that but it is needed.
Thank you to @icannotjustify on twitter for the beta reading, you're amazing.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
One month later
Scully was walking down the dark corridor, towards the X-Files office. She found herself suddenly hesitant about knocking. Fox Mulder was his name, a joke throughout Quantico "Mr. Spooky" as everyone liked to call him. She knocked and entered the room.
"Nobody here but the FBI's most unwanted," Mulder said without looking to see who had entered. Scully recognised his voice instantly, it was the voice of the man she had met a little over a month ago in a bar on her birthday; the tall man with the hazel eyes and chestnut brown hair. Scully nervously walked into the room and looked around spotting the I Want To Believe poster and some pictures covering the walls. He turned to look at her and she smiled.
"Agent Mulder? I’m Dana Scully I’ve been assigned to work with you"
"Oh, isn’t it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" All he kept thinking was oh god why did it have to be her. The woman that he couldn't stop thinking about, the woman the entered his life on February 23rd and gave him all the pleasures of life and leaving just as quickly as she appeared in his life.
"Actually I’m looking forward to working with you. I’ve heard a lot about you" Scully blushed at that statement and so did he, both knowing the double meaning behind her words.
"Oh really…. I was under the impression you were sent to spy on me"
"If you have any doubt about my qualifications or credentials,"
Mulder stood up, taking a piece of paper from the pile on his desk (the phone acting as a paperweight). "You’re a medical doctor, you teach at the Academy. You did your undergraduate degree in physics. Einstein's twin paradox, a new interpretation Dana Scully senior thesis. Now that's a credential... rewriting Einstein"
"Did you bother to read it?"
"I did, I liked it." Mulder smiled at Scully, he could tell she was more than a little annoyed at him but she smiled back.
He carried the slide wheel to the other side of the room and put it on the projector.
"So, your name isn't really Katherine, is it?" he said trying to break the awkward silence and getting back to the flirtatious conversation they were just having.
"And your name isn't Bob..." she smirked "but I can see why with your first name being Fox, you'd go with that instead"
He gave her a teasing glare "You’re an FBI agent. You didn’t say anything about that either"
"So are you, and I can say the same" she replied quickly the banter was, thankfully, heating up again.
"Touché, Miss Scully" the comment made Scully giggle and he made a mental note to do that more often. Mulder clicked the projector on and started talking about the case.
This flirtatious nature between the two of them was going to make things very interesting.
24 hours later Scully’s Motel room
Scully was typing away on her rather chunky laptop, trying to get down everything she had heard and seen during the case thus far. Mulder being extremely weird and spray painting a giant orange X in the middle of the road and later in the same spot, their so called lost nine minutes, which she didn't even believe happened. A thunderclap rings out and the power goes out. ‘Great’ she mutters to herself. She walks through to the bathroom carrying a candle, wearing her red bathrobe. She moved the shower curtain aside, turning on the tap for the bath. As she looked at herself in the mirror at her loose curly hair, she sighed and disrobed, revealing her silver/white bra and matching underwear. She ran her hand along the waistband of her panties, starting from her stomach and moving around to her lower back that was when she felt the two raised bumps she hovered her fingers over them; making sure she wasn't imagining the eerily familiar bumps. Before exiting her room in a hurry she remembered to turn off the bath.
She knocked on his motel room door. Mulder walked towards his door carrying a candle in his hand, only to find Scully standing there in a red robe, visibly shaken and scared.
"I want you to look at something"
"Come in..." Mulder's mind was working overtime, as flashes of her naked sweaty body underneath his invaded it, her flushed cheeks and look of pure ecstasy on her face; it was amazing and beautiful. He shakes his head to try to get rid of the thoughts because this was most definitely not the time to fall down that rabbit hole again.
Scully rushed in past him, turned around and slipped her robe off of her lovely, delicate pale shoulders. She stands there, vaguely embarrassed and almost naked, in front of him and looks over her shoulder at him, her eyes flutter down to her back worried. Mulder is still holding the candle, he kneels down and brings the candle up to the skin on the small of her back, following the length of her spine. His desire for her was starting to make itself known against his trousers.
"What are they?" she asked questionably "Mulder what are they?"
Mulder smiles even though she can’t see him. "Mosquito bites"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he chuckles. "I got eaten up a lot myself out there"
Scully hastily pulls her robe back on her shoulders and slips her hands around his waist, bringing her body close to his in a grateful hug. He smells a little musky and sweaty from his run but he also feels warm and snuggly in her embrace. She brushes her fingers lightly against his back under the hem of his t-shirt and begins to relax, listening to the sound of his heartbeat her anxiety slowly slipping away. Scully's fingers move down his spine and she heard Mulder's heart beat a little bit faster.
Mulder smiles at his partner feeling her cold skin against his, she smells of honey and jasmine. It's a smell he’s never going to get used to. His breath hitched when she moved one hand to his stomach, his erection pressing against her thigh. He wants to kiss her so bad that he leans down, unexpectedly and placed his lips on her, tasting the salt of the rain with a mix a red wine on her lips. She pulls away apologising profusely, looking at him and all she saw was the desire there in his eyes... just for her.
"We really shouldn’t... we’re on a case," she says half-heartedly.
"Ok" he can't say he’s not disappointed but she is right, even though he really wants to continue to kiss her and make her feel the way he does.
She moved towards the bed as endorphins flooded her system and images of him flashing before her eyes; his body in hers dripping, slipping, sliding and grinding in and out of her. If he looked over at her now, he would notice that her cheeks were flushed. She laid herself down facing the window trying to will the thoughts away and he moved toward the other side of it sitting down staring out the window, trying not to look at her and changing the subject.
It was late June now; their bond had grown and was stronger now than when they first started and she was slowly learning to trust him, after the conversation on the bed that late rainy night in Oregon. He had opened up and told her of his sister's abduction when he was younger and she could tell it was hard from him to talk about it, there was sorrow in his voice and he couldn't look her directly in the eye.
Since then they had a fair few hard cases.
There was this one case where a man could squeeze himself into small spaces like the old folklore of "the folding man". She had been at home one night when he squeezed himself out of her vent and into her apartment. Even though she and Mulder had agreed not to sleep together again after that fruitful night back in February, he had found himself once more in her bed all hot naked and sticky. She was thankful he was there that night because the alternative could have been so much different and deadlier. They had had a hard time explaining to the cops why he was there but didn’t question them on it.
Couple of days after that they had The Jersey Devil Case and oh boy that was a strange one, involving a half-man that turned out to be a half-woman / half - beast creature and right in the middle of the case she had her godson, Trent's, birthday party that she attended; it was nice to see Ellen, of course, as they hadn’t had time to catch up since her birthday. One of the father's of Trent's friend asked her out on a date that day but she politely refused because she knew that she would be thinking about Mulder the whole time anyway.
After that there was the case in the Arctic, they had sex there too even with suspicious living extraterrestrial parasitic organisms invading the human body but the prospect of being caught overruled their judgment.
Then there was a case with twins but they weren't twins because it turned out there were a lot of them and the Government called it the Eve project.
"When aren't the Government involved," she thought, sounding like Mulder which made her giggle.
She was sitting alone, typing away on her PC, having learned just a few days ago of her father's passing. She was so desperately trying to stay strong and not to cry, but the more she tried not to think about it the more she did and the tears started flowing freely down her face. She was done sitting alone, wallowing in self-pity so she got up grabbed her keys coat, badge, gun, and bag before locking up the X-files office and walking to her car.
She was finally home after stopping at the grocery store on her way back, she was carrying two large brown bags full of fruit, salads, and plenty of orange juice, and trying to open the door to her apartment. She briefly thought about how her favorite fruit and veg would be coming into season soon but she couldn’t shake the feeling of what Mulder had said before he left; thinking back to that moment she recalled how he had called her Dana instead of Scully, which made her flinch at the sound of her first name coming from his lips. She had thought that they that she would always be Scully to him, and he would always be Mulder to her and never Fox. even saying it out loud sounded weird. She was so tired and emotional much more than usual but she just put it down to long nights, a stressful job and it is the being off the week leading up to her period. (Scully was aware that she did occasionally get quite moody and tired as a result).
Once she had finished putting away her shopping, she walked through the hallway to her bedroom removing her uncomfortable work clothes and leaving them in a pile at the foot of her bed (she made a mental note to clean it up in the morning) and she crawled onto her bed foregoing her sleepwear and nightly routine because her sheets smelled of him, which made her smile. As soon as her body relaxed into the mattress and her head hit the fluffy pillows, she fell into a blissful slumber.
Meanwhile at Apartment 42
He had called her Dana in a moment of understanding and comfort, it was meant to sound sincere but it came out kind of creepy. What the hell was he thinking? Scully had fast become the only stable fixture in his life, keeping him grounded and from running off half-cocked into the night, chasing monsters and little green men. Disputing everything he thought he liked in a woman, she challenged him in so many ways and he liked her for it.
They had agreed on no sex a few months back but that hilariously flimsy agreement didn't stand too long much to his relief, they either ended up in her bed or his couch when in DC or rental car and dingy motels, when on an X-File case. The tension between the two of them would become too much some days and they would hate each other and then some days they would fuck it out till the morning sun rose. Mulder started kneading the leather couch as memories of her came flooding back to him, the way the sun hit her fiery copper hair and how it would make a small halo above her head which he thought was adorable but also turned him on at the same time, the way her pale complexion would flush with arousal and her cheeks would turn a delightful shade red whenever he was close to her; either touching or just by breathing on her slight, delicate neck. He had started to notice that her alluring blue eyes would be brimming with desire whenever they were left alone for more than 5 minutes, the way her breath would hitch whenever he touched her, or when he would place lovely kisses on her neck and breasts.
God the way she would scream his name, like a mantra over and over again as an orgasm would override her body, forcing her body to twitch and convulse around him. He was so hard, even now, just thinking about her but he was brought back to reality as he heard someone shout across the street and realised his hand was underneath his boxers, wrapped around is member moving at a steady pace up and down his shaft as he reached his tip, spreading the leaking pre-cum around the circumference of his throbbing head; a small strained grunt, unconsciously tumbling from his slack jaw.
Ignoring the shouts from out on the street, he returned his thought to his beautiful partner - straddling his cock, riding him up and down as he caught her nipple with his teeth nipping and sucking - his hand began moving faster and faster on his shaft - bringing his finger down to her sex that was wet and dripping for him - he felt his balls tighten and his penis twitch and he moaned her name uncontrollably as he felt hot cum spurt from the depths of his balls and drip onto his hand and stomach, leaning over to grab a tissues to clean himself up before throwing it into the wastebasket and letting his eyelids fall closed until sleep caught up with him.
Scully's Apartment Early morning
Scully woke up, the sun was just coming over the horizon and trickling through her open window, normally that kind of thing wouldn't have woken her up but last night she forgot to close her curtains when she climbed into bed.
She groaned, as she swung her legs off the bed, looking at her clock and reading the time 4.32am, it was far too early to be awake. She tried to stretch and wiggle her body but came to the conclusion, that she must have slept in some very weird positions last night due to the fact that her lower back was killing her right now, and that her boobs were sore and swollen. Scully stood up all the blood seemed to rush to her head and she felt dizzy and sick, so she made the quick dash to the bathroom as the contents of her stomach emptied itself into the toilet bowl. A sudden cold sweat developed on her pale, freckled skin, she sat down on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor for a good few minutes before standing up and grabbing a washcloth to wipe the sweat off her skin. After she was finished throwing up and dabbing a wet washcloth on her face, she crawled back into her bed to try and get some more sleep before her hospital check up.
Scully rolled over carefully, so as not to upset her stomach again and contemplated phoning Mulder to see if he was also sick... maybe from the dinner, they had shared the day before? But did not want to worry him so she put the phone back down closed her eyes and went back to sleep.
5 hours later, Gynecology Outpatients Department.
Scully was sitting in a chair, waiting for her doctor and long-term friend Dr. Rachel Richards. They had gone through Medical school together and managed to stay in touch when she had been transferred to the FBI. She was there to have her annual pap smear test, this time she just wanted it over and done with so she could get back to work. Rachel walked in and sat down at her desk, across from her and started typing away at her keyboard bringing up her medical history records.
"Dr. Scully, I know it's early but I'm pleased you could make it"
"It's fine. It's me, Rachel, you can call me Dana. And thank you I'm sorry I had to cancel so many times... I know I shouldn't neglect myself, it's just that work has become my main focus"
"You're right, your health is important, Dana but I’m glad you're here now." there was a slight pause but Rachel carried on "So, Dana did you bring your urine sample?"
"Yes," Scully lent down and retrieved a small container full of urine out of her bag before handing it to Dr. Richards.
"Ok, so as you know we test for pregnancy before doing the smear test," Rachel said, pulling out a pregnancy test from her cabinet and dipping the stick into the yellow liquid and sitting it off to the side on the metal table.
"Yes. I'm aware but it's unlikely to be positive"
"While we wait for the results I need to ask you some questions, very personal in nature"
"It's ok. Go ahead"
"Are you sexually active right now, Dana?"
"Yes," Scully said a bit too quickly, which made Rachel smile.
"Any unprotected sex?"
"No. I'm always safe, you know that"
"And how many sexual partners have you had in the last 6 months?"
"Is he cute?"
"Rachel" Scully said, shock but began to laugh at the indulgence of friendly gossip about guys.
"What? I'm only asking in doctor/patient confidentiality remember?" Rachel said smugly.
"Yes, Rachel. He's cute... really cute, in fact"
"Good to know! So, I need to do some blood work but once the pregnancy test completed and I check it, you know... just in case, Mr. Cutie Pants wasn't so safe we can get on with the smear test"
"Rachel, he's not like that... he's nice and would never put me in a position like that"
"I'm just kidding. I'm sure you're not pregnant"
"Ok. It's my least favorite part of coming to see you, you know"
"It's every woman's least favorite part of visiting me, Dana"
Scully rolled up her shirt sleeve before lowering her arm and presenting the crook of her elbow to her friend. Dr. Richards put a rubber band around her upper arm and tapped her vein to find a good one to take blood from before inserting the needle and drawing a small tube of blood from her.
"All done..." she smiled, tapping the spot the needle was removed from "I will check on the pregnancy test now so we can move forward"
Dr. Richards set the vials of blood down on the blue plastic tray in front of her before picking up the pregnancy test to find out the results.
"Well, Dana, I think congratulations are in order"
"You’re pregnant. How exciting!"
"Exciting? No. No, it's not possible! I can't be..."
As always thank you for reading,
please tell me how you think I'm doing.
Chapter 3: Questions
Thank you to the amazing @icannotjustify for beta reading and making this chapter perfect.
a massive Thank You to @PrincessSiobhan for the medical knowledge for the pregnancy
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“Dana, I know you're scared but it's going to be OK. I’m going to book an appointment for you in Diagnostic Imaging to find out how far along you are and then you can make a decision about whether this is something you want... or not" Rachel said she could see Scully in shock.
Scully couldn't breathe she felt dizzy and sick. She couldn't think straight and her heart was racing faster and faster, thumping like a runaway train that would most likely hit a wall at some point. There was a baby growing inside of her womb but she couldn't help asking herself the same questions over and over again. Was she happy? Was she scared? Did she want a baby? Would she tell Mulder? So many questions, and so far not many answers.
"Dana? Is that OK?" Rachel asked, concerned for her friend.
"Humm… sorry. What did you say?"
"I asked if it would be OK to book you an appointment for later today?"
"Yeah, that’s fine. I.. umm, I just have to make a phone call but later today is fine"
While Rachel was making the necessary calls and arrangements. Scully stood up and stepped out of the room, running to the restroom and emptying her stomach once again into the toilet bowl.
When the dry heaving had come to an end, and the tears had stopped falling down her cheeks she grabbed a tissue and dabbed her face and neck, to remove the sweat and tears. She stood up and walked over to the sink and had a good look at herself in the mirror; she was pale but flushed and in all honestly looked like shit.
She muttered under her breath ‘Aren't pregnant women supposed to have a glow, yeah right’.
She wiped some stray tendrils of hair that were sticking to her face, out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear.
Suddenly the thoughts started rushing back into her brain, almost screaming at her to come up with some logical answers and solutions to this very big problem she now found herself grappling with. What would she do with her career now? Could she have... both? Could she really do this? Could she really have a baby with someone she works with but doesn't really know?
She stood up straight and straightened out her pantsuit jacket and smoothed down the matching pants and then walked out of the restroom with her head held high. She walked up to the nurse's station and asked if she could borrow the phone, the nurse just nodded in response (this happened a lot, so she knew the drill).
Scully rang the X-Files basement office hoping he would be there, it rang three times before he picked up causing her level of anxiety to rise again.
"Hello, this is Agent Mulder."
"Mulder it’s me"
"Are you okay Scully?" She knew Mulder was starting to worry now, she could hear it in his voice.
"Yeah, I’m... fine. I was just letting you know that I won't be coming into work today as I need a few more tests done."
"Are you sure everything OK?" Mulder asked, dubious of the tone of her "I'm fine". It was more high pitched than the normal way she spoke when she was actually fine.
"I’m fine" Jesus, she knew she sounded pathetic down the phone line.
"I’m fine" or "It's fine" was her go-to word for getting out of a situation she didn't want to talk about.
"I will see you tomorrow, Mulder. I'm sorry, really"
"OK, but I' here if you need me. Take care of yourself. Goodbye, Scully"
Scully hung up the phone and walked back out into the exam room, to wait for Dr. Richards to tell her what time the next appointment was, what time her life might come to an end, or maybe a new beginning. She still wasn't sure... yet.
"Hi. So, Dana, I have booked you in for an appointment in about an hour or so. Once you have decided what to do, I can stay on as your doctor or--"
"Can we discuss it after the ultrasound, please?"
"Yes, of course. I can see that you're having trouble with this, and I would hate to add to it"
"Thank you, Rachel" Scully grabbed her things and went to find somewhere open and alone so she could think clearly about her next steps.
It didn't take long for her to find a secluded picnic bench far enough away from the hospital so that she could think but close enough that she was only five-minute walk from where she needed to be if Rachel called her back unexpectedly. Unexpectedly. This whole damn situation was unexpected and scary.
The late June sun was starting to warm up her pale, Irish skin, the blossom of the trees swaying in the gentle breeze, she could actually hear the grass blades rustling against each other and people whispering in the distance. The hum of the hospital aircon being carried off like white sand on a beach.
As she sat there looking on into the green grass trying to absorb the information which she had just been given. Could she really bring a child into this world? Would she even be a good mother? Would Mulder be a good father? Does Mulder even want kids? Do I even want kids, right now? Am I stable enough to raise a child? But the one question that kept coming back up no matter how much she forced it down was "Did she want a baby?" she was only 28 years old... unmarried, alone, everything she wanted in life had just gone up in smoke, over a quick fuck with her FBI partner.
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into an hour. She was walking down the busy corridor through the maze of people weaving, bustling about around her. She finally found the room she was meant to be in and in the past hour she had decided to keep the fetus growing inside her. She walked up to the exam table and laid flat on her back with her shirt undone and her skirt lowered waiting for Rachel to appear.
Rachel came into the room about ten minutes later and proceeded to set up the ultrasound equipment quietly, and asked
"How are you feeling, Dana?" She was worried for her friend, because she hadn’t seen her this upset since Med school, and what she must be going through.
"I'm not sure, to be honest. I think.. I’m still in shock. You know?"
"That’s understandable, really. Is it a good shock or bad shock?"
"I’m not sure... just yet"
"Are you going to tell the father?"
"I’m still not sure I want to keep it, so I don't know if I should tell him... until I make a decision either way," Scully said, as her eyes threatened to tear up, but she was determined to stay strong and that this little hiccup of emotions would not happen.
"Ok, I need to see how far along you are, and then we can discuss your options"
"Ok. Thank you, Rachel"
"My apologies, this is going to be slightly cold because our warmer broke yesterday"
Rachel applied a generous amount of blue gloop over Scully lower abdomen, she was trying not to think about it and not let her emotions get out of control, as the wand slid across her belly and she went into full Doctor mode; explaining to herself what the ultrasound actually does.
‘An ultrasound travels through soft tissue and fluids but bounces back, this is how an image occurs. The term ‘Ultrasound’ refers to a sound with a frequency the mere humans can not hear, the frequency is between 2 and 18 megahertz’. Oh god, she couldn’t think straight and Rachel was presumably saying something very important to her but it wasn’t registering and then she heard it... a small tu thump. Tu thump. It was beating fast like horses galloping in a meadow. It was beautiful. It brought tears to her eyes once again. She had never heard something so pure, so innocent and so very magical. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.
Rachel moved the wand over the upper part of Dana's stomach and she heard it thumping around the silent room, again. She was brought back to the present when she heard Dr. Richards trying to get her attention and finally registered the words inside her mind.
"Dana, you're expecting twins"
"Oh my... God"
And then all of her pent-up tears started flowing freely. She was happy, beyond happy even because there was not one but two babies growing inside of her at this precise moment in time. She started to picture twenty little toes and fingers and two beautiful heartbeats. How could she have ever considered terminating? She knew now, that she wanted to be a mother.
"Both of the babies heartbeats are between 110-160bpm, you’re about 17 and half weeks pregnant which means you conceived on or around the 23rd of February," Rachel said with a heartwarming smile. She could see the realization wash of her friend and she knew everything would be alright.
Scully was so lost for words, her breath stolen as she watched what was happening on the monitor in front of her. She was mesmerized by the black and white fuzzy image, just staring at these two tiny, beautiful humans in their shared blob sac, living and thriving within her.
"Would you like to know their sex? It might be a little difficult but if they cooperate we should be able to see" Scully nodded silently, tears in her eyes.
Rachel continued by squirting some more blue goop on Scully's abdomen and started to move the wand around trying to get an exact reading.
"This one over here..." she said, pointing to the left and up a bit "is a little girl, and the little fighter over here is a boy. You should start to be able to feel them pretty soon, I have been told it feels little flutters at first but don’t be alarmed if you don’t feel them moving until after 20 weeks"
"Wow..." She was still staring at the image on the screen as a picture was being printed out for her "OK"
"Here is some tissue to clean yourself up and then we will book you in for an anomaly scan which consists of a crown to rump, abdominal circumference, length to femur and will also look at the brain and face, their hearts, stomach, gastro system, bladder, limbs and lungs." Rachel looked at Scully, and noticed she had a smile on her lips and twinkle in her eye. "But you already knew that being a doctor yourself, of course"
"I did but thank you for telling me. It was actually quite reassuring" Scully said, laughing.
"I hate to bring it up but, have you decided what you want to do from here on out?"
"I have... I've decided to keep them. I have never experienced something so pure and precious in my entire life"
"So, are you going to tell him?" Rachel said referring to the man, that dana had mentioned.
"I don’t want to discuss it, Rachel. I’m sorry"
"It’s fine, just come back in a couple of weeks like we discussed, also here is a prescription for prenatal vitamins and folic acid"
"Thank you again. Bye, Rachel"
"Goodluck. Goodbye, Dana."
3 hours later Scully's Apartment
Scully finally walked back into her quiet apartment after getting the shock of her life. She had got stuck in traffic on her way home and finally sat down after depositing her keys, bag, and gun, coat and shoes by the door. She clasped her hand around her face, her elbows on her knees, finally letting the emotions of the day take over and the warm hot tears started to fall down her pale, freckled skin. Was it out of happiness... or sorrow? She had to tell someone or it would rip her apart keeping a secret like this to herself. She looked down and her stomach and placed her hand there and started rubbing it in small semi-circles. Could she really do this, or was it the fear talking? She didn’t know what to do but for now, she needed to sleep and work and then face her problems tomorrow.
The phone started ringing, pulling her from her reverie.
"Hello Dana, it’s Jack Willis"
"Oh, hey Jack. It’s nice to hear from you. Is everything OK"
"Yes, everything is fine. I was wondering if you could help me out with a case?"
"I do owe you one, don't I? May I have the details?"
Jack and Scully continued discussing the final points of the case, they intended to stake out a bank that they believed was being targeted by a pair of married criminals.
26 hours Later Hoover building
The sting didn’t quite go as planned, both Jack and the assailant got seriously wounded and the assailant ended up dying in the hospital. Mulder soon became convinced that it was the assailant Dupre's consciousness that survived... but in Willis' body.
Mulder walked casually towards Scully and tossed a card at her, saying
"Happy Birthday, Scully"
"That's nice, but you do know that it was my birthday a few months back. You were there, remember?" Scully said, with a crimson blush quickly appearing on her cheeks.
"Oh, I’m never going to forget," He raised his eyebrows and her in recognition of the night together "but it isn't from me... it’s from Willis, actually. I thought you both had the same birthday?"
"Well, that’s news to him. I asked him to sign it and oddly, he signed it with his left hand"
"You mean you tested him," Scully asked, a hint of skepticism in her voice.
"Yeah. After I found out that the evidence from the Phillips murder was missing"
"Sorry, what evidence?"
"Well, the print we lifted... what was our best lead is now gone, someone stole it before the lab had a chance to look at it"
"And you think Willis is responsible?"
"To be honest. I’m not sure Willis is Willis anymore, Scully"
Scully sighed and rolled her eyes at him.
She had a sudden thought occurred to her, since they were playing a game of back and forth questions. She decided to ask him a question because she was feeling a little brave and if she didn't ask him now, when would she?
"Mulder? Have you ever thought about stopping?"
"I mean, settling down and living something approaching a normal life, possibly... with kids?"
"Can’t say that I have, Scully" Mulder looked at Scully, trying to read her facial expressions but he couldn’t figure it out "My work to find Samantha, and the truth about her abduction is still out there and it means a lot to me" He tried again to read her but she was keeping her emotions close. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, no reason"
She tried not to sound disappointed by his answer but she wasn't sure that it came off like she wanted. Mulder shrugged the question off and they carried on talking about the case, shooting off his theories and Scully shooting him down just as quick.
36 hours later
Scully was sitting in an ambulance on her way to hospital, and all she kept thinking was... Mulder was right, Willis wasn’t himself at all. She had told Willis about the pregnancy in fear of him hurting her or the two babies growing inside of her but he didn’t even bat an eyelid at the news, he just didn’t care. The man that stood in front of her in that horrific moment was not the man she once cared for so deeply or the one she had come to know so well.
The next morning before Mulder rushed in... the only words Willis could manage to say were ‘Sorry. I'm so sorry’ and he all did was look at her... and then down at her stomach. He was finally the man she knew (or so she hoped) and it was in that moment she realised she was a fool, thinking that she could work the X-files and be pregnant with not one life inside her but two and now she had full confirmation from Mulder himself that he didn’t want kids nor did he want a life with her. They were just co-workers to him, possibly friends who slept together out of lust and desire for one another.
As she lay on the ambulance stretcher in fear and praying that her beautiful and desperately wanted babies were OK. It was in that moment she made a vow to herself and her family that she would never jeopardize any of them ever again, even if that meant running and never looking back.
"Do you want us to phone anybody?" there was a short pause before quite possibly the most upsetting question she would hear today "The father, maybe?"
"No, he’s not in the picture. Please, can you call my sister?"
"Why didn’t you tell anyone, Dana?" Melissa asked, astonished to have her baby sister lying in a hospital bed with fetal monitor strapped to her growing belly. She was standing at Scully's bedside, wearing a navy sundress with a grey knit cardigan and blue leather sandals, her red hair hanging in loose curls just below her shoulders.
"Missy, I only found out a few days ago... cut me some slack", Scully said, she was still in shock about the news that she found out a few days ago and telling someone else, even if it was her own sister made it sink in a little more. Made it real... and slightly daunting.
"This is something Mom and Dad expect me to do, not you. What if you had been hurt, Dana?"
"Well, I wasn't. I’m fine and the doctors have assured me that the babies are perfectly fine too"
"Did you say babies... as in plural? As in more than one child?"
"Yes." Scully said, shyly.
"Dana!" Melissa was getting rather angry and frustrated with her now. She had been beyond reckless and their folks wouldn't like it. Melissa stared at her sister and thought. Why did my sister have to be so loyal and stupid at the same time? She was the bookworm of the family, the one who got straight A's in school. Yes, she had boyfriends but they were more than tawdry flings with strange men.
"God, Missy. I'm sorry. Don't you think this is hard on me too? I had to make a difficult choice the other day, and you don't seem to care" Scully’s voice was filled with sorrow and began wavering, as the tears were brimming on her inner eyelids. Why did this have to be so hard? She thought.
"I do. Dana, you know I care about you... you're my baby sister. I just want to know why you didn't at least tell Mom?"
"Are you kidding? And have her look at me the way you are now"
"I’m sorry, Dana. Do you know who the father is?"
"Yes, of course! He's just not in the picture any longer and I've accepted that, so you should too. Please, for me and them" Scully said, matter of factly while touching her stomach to make her point.
Melissa sighed and rolled her eyes at Scully then turned around, spotting a tall man with the brown hair outside the room walking towards them.
"Who is that tall, handsome guy coming this way?"
"Shit! Missy, don’t let him in please!" Scully said, yanking the blanket up to cover her stomach, her heart started racing and blood rushed to her ears.
"Why? Who is it, Dana?"
"Mulder, my partner at the FBI. Don’t let him see me like this, please don’t let him in and do not tell him about the pregnancy" She was pleading now, begging her older sister to give her this one thing even if she was angry that she kept her pregnancy from her for days. Melissa gave Scully a questionable glance, before walking over to the door and stepping out of the room before Mulder made it inside.
"Agent Mulder?" Melissa asked, staring at the tall man in a shitty brown suit with speckles of mud and dirt.
"Yes. Who are you?" Mulder said, with a straight face and wondered who this woman was that standing in front of him and blocking entry to Scully's room.
"Melissa Scully. Dana's older sister"
"Is it OK if I go in there..." He asked, pointing behind her, his facial expression was straight but his hazel eyes told a different story "to see her?"
"Not at the moment, she needs to stay calm and get some sleep. She's been through a lot recently" Melissa said glancing back at her sister then back at Mulder, hoping he would believe her.
"What do you mean? Is everything OK?" Mulder was starting to sound worried, and scared for his partner and friend.
"She fine, really. She just needs some sleep. Why don’t you go get a coffee and I will meet you down in the cafeteria in a minute. I just need to speak with Dana for a moment"
"Ok. Can you tell her that I'm sorry?" Mulder asked, and then walked off down the corridor with his head hung low, looking like someone who had just had his heart ripped out and gave it away. Melissa watched Mulder walk away before stepping back into Scully’s room.
"Oh my God. He's the father, isn't he?" Melissa said, it wasn't a question it was more of a stunning realization spoken out loud.
"Yes" Scully replied, looking at a small sludge stain on the ceiling basically anywhere but at her sisters disapproving and shocked eyes.
"Are you really not going to tell him? He's worried about you, Dana. He wanted me to tell you that he was sorry"
"I'm not interested in what he wants right now, Missy. Can we discuss this later, please? I need some sleep"
"Fine. I will see you in a little while" Missy said, as she walked out of the room slamming the door behind her and going to find Mulder and ask him a few questions unbeknownst to Dana.
Melissa walked through the winding corridors, walls plastered with photos of babies and parents and small thank you notes. She passed by nurses and doctors to find a small cafeteria where Mulder was sitting in a brown leather seat, sipping his coffee.
"So, Agent Mulder" Mulder jumped then found a small smile, "How well do you know my sister?"
"Quite well, I would say. Why?"
"Oh, I bet you do," She chuckled, as she sat opposite Mulder having a good look at him. "Dana really is fine, I promise. She's just tired from everything she’s been through. You don't have to worry" She looked deeply at him, her feelings mixed . If he was the father, why wasn't Dana going to tell him? She looked around at the doctors chatting amongst themselves and sank a little lower in her chair, the intense smell of coffee invading her nose with hints of stale food mixed in with bleach and sanitizer. It was that very distinct "hospital" smell.
"I understand. I just wanted to see her... check for myself" Mulder's words carried meaning and thoughtfulness. Melissa could tell he was holding something back.
"She’s made an impression on you I can tell," Melissa said, as a statement, looking Mulder directly in the eyes.
"You could say that, yes. She's an amazing partner to work with and an incredible friend. I don't know who else would put up with my hellish theories or madman rants" Mulder's look was full of caring and meaning, every word heartfelt and the raw emotion was starting to creep onto his face, his hands not knowing what to do fidgeted with his coffee cup. Every time he thought about Scully strapped to that radiator in pain, hurt him a little more.
"Dana is an amazing sister, so I'm not surprised to hear you say that" She knew there was more to his and her sister's story. So, she decided to be blunt and asked "So how long you been sleeping together?"
"Were not..." Mulder tried to say, but his face said one story and his body language told another. His cheeks were red, eyes were full the tears brimming on the edge ready to fall at any minute.
"Yes, you are! Do not lie to me, Agent Mulder" Melissa said, she was pushing her luck and she knew it.
"We meet on her birthday before we worked together and we agreed to stop... but we didn't. I put her in the line of fire and she didn't deserve that. She deserves better but I can't give it to her. She deserves everything... the whole damn world and I wish I could give it to her but I can't. I'm a mess" His eyes puffy and red now and small droplets of water began to fall from his long lashes, down his cheeks, and onto his lap.
"Thank you for being honest with me. I really should get back to her... I will come to find you when she wake's up"
"Thank you for the company," Mulder said, before looking back down at his coffee.
"My pleasure" Melissa stood up and walked away... and quickly out of sight.
Melissa had learned something by talking to Mulder; he cared deeply for her sister, it was more than a friendship or work colleagues or even people who just slept together occasionally.
She walked back into her sister's private hospital room. She needed a few questions answered before she told Dana about what she knew. There were now two fetal monitors on her sister's admin, Dana looked asleep but she knew better.
"Dana, I know you are awake"
"What do you want now, Missy?"
"I want to know the truth about the babies inside of you"
"Ok, what would you like to know?"
Melissa started off with the easy questions first, before diving in with what she had to tell her younger sister.
"Firstly, how far along are you?"
"Wow! That's amazing, Dana. Do you know the genders, yet?"
"Yes, a boy and a girl"
"He loves you" it wasn't a question but a statement, of the facts that Missy had collected while talking to Mulder.
"No, he doesn't. All he cares about are the X-files and finding the answers to impossible questions"
"I don't believe that, Dana. How can you be so sure? Have you asked him?" Melissa asked, kindly.
"Yes! I asked him, he was pretty sure and I understood" Scully took a long pause before she spoke again, looking at her sister and started to cry "I don’t know what to do, Missy. Everything is a mess"
Scully's heart rate spiked, the monitors went crazy and everything went black.
quick note Not every chapter will have an episode in.
Thank you for reading,
please leave me a review and tell me what you think.
Chapter 4: Disheartened
Thank you to the amazing @icannotjustify for beta reading and making this chapter perfect.
And a massive Thank You to @PrincessSiobhan for the medical knowledge for the pregnancy
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
I woke up, dark and cold. Where am I? Why am I here? What's happened? What's that beeping in the distance? I feel so tired. Why is that? I can feel my eyes slipping shut and then there all I can see is black.
I woke up again, the room is brighter now. The beeping was more clear and less far away. I was in the hospital, oh god, but what happened? How did I end up here? Wait, what was that underneath my skin? I placed my hand there but my hand cannot detect what it is. I can feel it bubbling and popping, then I remembered there were two lives growing inside of me, was it a kick or a punch? It felt weird and wonderful. Was it the little girl, or was it the little boy. I started imagining what they would look like. Would they have red hair like me or brown hair like Mulder? What color eyes would they have, blue or hazel or even brown? What would they look like? Would they look like me? Or more like Mulder? Or a bit of both of us... I can feel the corners of my mouth starting to peek as the images flood my senses. But I was starting to feel tired again. I tried to fight my eyelids closing but couldn't. Why am I so worn out and tired? I don’t want to go to sleep, not yet but my body was starting to give. So this time I’m going to give in and fall into the darkness.
Here I am again, alone in the hospital room. It appears to be night time. I’m more alert now, the bleeping monitors seem to be gone, the room was silent all you can hear was my shallow breaths. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the overhead fluorescent hospital lights. I tried to move my arm but I soon realised there was an IV line attached to me. I couldn’t read what the labels said but I did try. I slowed down my breathing and lent my head against the pillow and I felt it again; a small flutter inside of me. The movement still light from within me. Not detectable to outside forces. I have been looking out for the feelings since Rachel told me what to look out for. The feeling of bubbles, butterflies and soft pops, like popcorn popping when heated. They were playing a game of tag inside my womb, I wonder which one of them is winning. The feeling was fleeting and gentle, but feeling this for the second time or even the first time, it was surreal. I knew through the ultrasound that there was life inside of me but feeling them move made it more real, I marveled at the two lives inside of me. The lives, that me and Mulder had created together. I immediately touch my stomach, more protective now than I have ever been and I’m going to need help to achieve this.
Scully woke up, confused and uncomfortable and sore. The light from the morning sun streaming through the open window, bleeding and seeping through her closed eyelids, her hand still resting over her stomach protecting her babies from the outside world. She slowly started to open her eyes, feeling unbelievably groggy. She could feel the warmth of someone holding her hand in their own.
"Mulder" Scully quietly rasped out
"No, Dana. It's Melissa"
"Where is he? Where is Mulder?"
"Does he know?" Scully started to feel worried and afraid that her little secret was a secret no more.
"No, don’t worry. Only immediate family know, which is basically just me at the moment" Melissa comforted her, the statement sounded a bit harsh but she meant every word. She still wanted Dana tell Mulder or at the very least, their parents.
"Are they OK?"
Worry lines were appearing on Scully's face and her heart was starting to beat a little bit faster in her chest, breath becoming uneven and ragged as she worried for the safety of her children.
"Yes, they're both fine. Don't worry, Dana"
"I felt them. I think I felt them for the very first time" Scully said, her heart starting to slow down and her breathing returning to normal or as normal as it could given everything she was currently going through. She smiled, marveling at the feeling she had felt previously.
"What did it feel like?"
"Amazing, beautiful, surreal and weird, so many different things. I don't think I can put into words." Scully tried to explain to her older sister, still beaming.
"Could I feel them? Would that be OK?"
"It would be but I still think it’s too early for anyone else to feel it," Scully took a pause, still curious about how she ended up in such a state "What happened to me? How did I end up with an IV drip? Everything was fine" she looked over at Missy fully taking in her appearance, her dark denim jeans, light blue tank top and knit cardigan, her pale complexion, and red baggy eyes, like she hadn't slept in days.
"You had a small bleed, it happens.... pretty common. Apparently, it's due to a small abruption- which is when a small part of the placenta comes away from the wall of the uterus. It’s no big deal according to your Doctor, who apparently you went to med school with. She said most people are fine but sometimes it’s a warning sign that a large abruption might happen. For this reason, she has advised that you not go back to work for a few days and certainly not be in the field, for at least a week."
"I am so sorry" whispered Scully, not knowing whether she was apologizing to herself, Melissa or her twins.
"The doctor said you need to keep an eye on it and stay off of your feet and not to overexert yourself, which might mean less or no field work after the week off"
"Missy, I need to work. I need something to keep me going"
"You can, it just needs to be limited field work or stay at the desk"
"How do I explain that to him? What do I say? Mulder will want to know why I can't be out in the field with him"
"Well, how about you tell him the truth!" Melissa snapped
"No! Missy, I can't tell him the truth... it will ruin his life's work"
"Sure, fine, I get it. You don't want the guy that loves you and is the father of your children to know about your secret" Melissa took a deep breath trying not to get angry at her younger sister or letting her temper fly off the handle. She managed to calm herself down and spoke again, more carefully this time. "What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know... I just don't know. This whole situation is ridiculous"
"I know you don’t. Do you want me to send him in?"
"Can I ask you a question before I go get him?"
"What's his first name?"
"Fox, but he hates it... so just call him Mulder"
Melissa smiled and Scully mouthed "thank you" before she watched her walk out of the room to go find Mulder.
5 minutes later
"Hey Sunshine," Mulder said, as he entered Scully's hospital room with a smile on his face.
"Hey Mulder," she said, with a smile and her face instantly lit up just seeing him. She hadn't realized how much she missed him the last couple of days "How are you feeling?"
"Shouldn’t I be asking you that?"
"Oh, I’m fine... nothing to worry about"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure, Mulder. I just need to stay out of the field for a little while once they let me go home"
Mulder was being flirty and they both knew it. "I’m sure that can be arranged" he sat down placing his hand over hers as they stared at each other, not knowing what to say next.
Melissa coughed and cleared her throat, "This would be the time for me to leave" Scully broke eye contact with Mulder to look at her sister and smiled before speaking her next words
"Don’t go far... I still need to talk to you about something"
"I won't. I'll just be down the hall, when you need me"
"Bye, Fox.... and Dana"
Scully smiled at her sister knowing that Melissa was teasing them both before she left the room, silently shutting the door behind her.
Melissa watched the two of them interact through the small window, watching as they talked and shared looks with each other oblivious to the outside world. She watched the way Dana’s eyes would light up and smile whenever Mulder would say something. They were clearly flirting and teasing each other... then there were the subtle little touches between them both; Mulder would place his hand on Dana’s arm or hand and instead of flinching or pulling away from it she would simply encourage it and thrive in it. It appeared to make her come alive. She could tell that Dana was herself around this man. Melissa had seen her with other boyfriends and long-term partners, catering to their whims and needs but not with him. Not with Fox Mulder. It was different with him. Looking at her now, she realized that her baby sister, Dana, loved this man sitting in front of her. So why could she not tell this man the truth? What was stopping her from being happy?
Several hours later
Scully and Melissa were sitting, together in her hospital room. Mulder had just left for the day to go back home, he had desperately wanted to stay but Scully insisted that staying would do him no good, there was no point in staying because she knew he needed a shower, fresh clothes, something to eat and more than two hours sleep. She had reassured him that she was going to be fine and nothing bad was going to happen if he left for a while, he made a quippy comment about how she was always looking after him even when she is in hospital.
They were deep in conversation, when suddenly Melissa spoke up after thinking about what they had just discussed more deeply and came out with the line, that startled her sister "So, Dana... when were you going to tell me?"
Scully sat up straighter and looked at her sister questionably, wondering what was going on and replied with "About what?"
"Hmm…. I wonder" Melissa looked over at her sister now, wondering if she had an idea of where she was going with this conversation but she suspected that she had no clue "About being in love with your platonic Mister Mulder?"
"What? I’m not in love with Mulder. We're friends, and co-workers" Scully shot back confused and defensive.
"Could have fooled me"
Before Scully could reply Rachel walked in, wearing her ever-present white lab coat, blue scrubs and some small white trainers with a stethoscope hanging around her neck, she pressed the hand sanitizer before picking up Scully’s chart.
"Hello, Dana. How are you feeling?"
"I’m fine. I just need to know... are the twins OK?"
"They’re fine. I don’t know if Melissa told you what happened and why you'll be staying here an extra couple of days"
"Yes, she did thank you"
"As you are aware, you will need to stay off of your feet for minimum of a week and no fieldwork. Since everything is going well you will be discharged tomorrow. If nothing else goes wrong, of course. We'll be keeping a close eye on yours and the babies vitals overnight... just in case"
"Thank you, Rachel"
"It's my pleasure, Dana. I will come back in a few hours before I clock out, to see if everything still OK with all three of you"
"I'll see you later, Dana"
Dr. Richards gave a small smile before putting Scully's chart back at the end of the bed and walked to the door, closing it softly behind her.
Melissa turned to face her sister and asked "Dana, I know you know her from med school, but have I ever met her before? She seems so familiar to me"
Scully chuckled "Yes you have"
"Where?" Missy asked, confused.
"Do you remember that one summer when we were in California on a vacation, I had just finished my first year of Med School and we had been invited to a beach party? How the sun was a mix of yellows and oranges glistening on the sea, as it was setting over the horizon and we had to sneak out because Mom and Dad specifically told us not to go out because we had Mass early the next morning. We snuck out anyway, had to climb out of the window but anyway, we finally got to the beach and there was a massive bonfire going on and quite a lot of alcohol floating about" Scully looked at Missy and giggled, remembering that night so vividly. "We met Rachel at the beach as she lived close by, fast forward slightly and after smoking some weed and drinking quite a few liters of alcohol later. We watched Rachel end up walking along the beachfront with some tall, blonde and athletic 20 something and you paired up with some guy called Gary and ended up in his backseat"
"You can stop right there, Dana. I remember. That's the same Rachel, huh?" Missy said, going as red a tomato from all the blushing she was doing remembering that unforgettable night.
"Yes, it is," Scully said, laughing at her Melissa's crimson colored face.
"They were good times, carefree and fun"
"Yes, they were." Scully said, simply.
"Did you end up with anyone that night?"
"No, I didn’t. And I really should have learnt my lesson, it should have stayed that way" Scully said, with a sound of deep regret.
"Do you regret what happened?" Melissa asked, glancing down at Scully who was running small circles with the palm of her hand on her soon to be growing in size belly.
"No, I don’t... at first I did. I thought about how stupid I could be, to sleep with my FBI partner and develop feelings for him. It was such a stupid and dangerous thing to do... but when I saw them on screen, Missy, I cried so hard. It was incredibly emotional, they were so beautiful... they took my breath away. It sunk it more when I felt them kick earlier, I can’t really describe the feeling it wasn't a kick per say but more of a gas bubbles or a popping popcorn feeling. It was a big shock as you can imagine, some little part of me wished it had happened a bit later on in life, but to put a simple answer on your question... No, I will never regret having them" tears starting to fill the corners of Scully's sparkly blue eyes, as she thought about the lives growing inside her, her hand rubbing her stomach protecting them, loving them... and trying to give them more, for Mulder. They deserved to know him in some way too.
"Dana, why don’t you tell him how you feel, he obviously means a lot to you and the feeling is most definitely returned, even if you don't believe so. You also need to tell him about the pregnancy, it's not like you'll be a bit to hide it forever"
"Missy, I asked and he said that the search for his sister was so important to him right now, he said in not so many words... that he didn’t want me or a family. He's never going to give up looking for his sister and the truth about what happened to her, and if I was in his position I don’t think I would ever stop looking for you. I can't take that away from him, what if he can find out the truth but me and the twins somehow stop him from getting all the answers he has ever wanted in life?" tears were now burning down Scully’s pale freckled complexion, and she was starting to hyperventilate and hiccup.
"It’s not my story to tell, I’m sorry"
"I understand," Melissa didn’t but she could tell talking about it was upsetting her sister so she knew to leave the subject alone. "What are going to do from this point on?"
"I’m going to need your help actually; yours and Rachel’s but once I tell you, you can not under any circumstance tell anyone. That includes Mom, Ahab, and especially Mulder" Scully said so matter-of-factly it was starting to scare her sister.
"Dana, you're scaring me," Missy said, her voice wavering the anxiety creeping up on her, body stiff and concerned.
"I promise I’m not in danger, I just need your help. Promise me."
"Thank you, so I'm really going to need your help with…"
Scully and Melissa's trailed off, talking about the specifics of what she needed help with and how. When Rachel returned later that day, they filled her in on the plan they had come up with and yes Rachel agreed that Scully was going to need her help, sworn to secrecy as her friend and Doctor.
The Next Day
Scully was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed finally in some comfortable clothes ready to go home, after being stuck in the hospital and wearing unflattering hospital gowns and not having her creature comforts, it was starting to drive her mad. Mulder was keeping her company for a few hours while Missy went home got some sleep and have a shower.
Mulder and Scully had talked about a lot in a short few hours together and Skinner had approved her time off from the X Files. She had come up with a cock and bull story saying something along the lines of it was exhaustion and blood pressure from her adrenaline with the Willis case, as far as Skinner was aware he had no reason not to believe her, as she was a doctor herself but Mulder on the other hand, was less convinced by the story she had concocted, he knew she was keeping something from him. The harsh reality was she was going to have to start to distance herself from him and it was going to hurt... both of them, terribly but it had to be done. Yes, she may have only known him a short time but they had spent nearly every waking moment together, either in the field, in their basement office... or in her bed or on his sofa.
Rachel walked into the hospital room with Melissa close behind her. She looked over at her sister knowing she didn't go home and get some sleep but instead spent her time in the cafeteria drinking coffee.
"You’re all set to go, Dana. I just need you to sign the discharge papers and you can leave. Remember what we talked about... your going to need help that first week, as to not over exert yourself and end up back in here"
"I can help you Scully" Mulder piped in, hoping and praying that Scully would accept the offer. He wanted to help her, in any way that he could.
"I’m sorry, Mulder. Missy already volunteered to come home with me and make sure I settle back in, and said that she would help with anything I would need over the week" Scully thought it was a better time than any to start distancing herself from Mulder, but she accidentally caught his eye, after what she said and he looked lost and defeated, maybe even sad... he certainly was not going to make this easy on her, not that it should be. This was going to hurt her too, and she knew it but was trying not to dwell on those feelings, for the health of their babies and herself.
"Oh ok, can I pop around in a few days and check on you?"
"Of course, Mulder"
Mulder felt his heartbreaking, the feelings he had for his partner so evidently making themselves known. Why was so distancing herself from him? Why was she being cold with him? Why was she being so professional all of a sudden, after everything they had been through together in the past couple of months. He thought they had moved past this, but he was so wrong... maybe she didn't feel the same way he felt? Maybe she only saw them as FBI partners who had sex occasionally. Not even friends with benefits because that would mean they actually had to be friends and with the vibe, she was giving off now... it was anything but friendly.
Scully sighed, as she grabbed the papers signing them before grabbing her bag and following Mulder, Missy, and Rachel out the door, looking one last time into the room she had stayed in for the past couple of days and hoping that she would not have to be back in here anytime soon. She didn't think she could handle that kind of worry on top of everything else.
Mulder placed his hand on the small of Scully’s back and she felt a pang of guilt flood her system. She was going to miss this... the little touches, their closeness, and their friendship but most of all their love for each other.
They parted ways... and Mulder slinked off wounded, to find his car and go home to his apartment alone. He was going to hate her for what she doing to him and he might never forgive her, but she didn't think she deserved his forgiveness anyway.
Scully felt the prick of her eyes starting to fill up with water, with uncontrollable tears " Damn hormones", she thought.
Melissa looked over at her sister and asked if she was OK, Scully simply nodded and carried on following her sister over to her car. When Mellissa looked over at Scully she could read her like an open book, here stood her sister full of regret and sorrow, damn this was going to hurt so much. Scully slid into the passenger side of the car and Missy slid into the driver's seat before looking her sister in the eye.
"You don’t have to do this you know. You can always..."
"No, I’m sorry. This has to be done. He can't--" Scully trailed off, hot tears streaming down the naked skin, of her flushed cheeks.
Melissa leaned over to give her a hug, understanding her reasoning but not accepting it.
At the end of the day, it was Dana’s choice to make and she had chosen what she was going to do. And she had to be there for her, she had to step up and be her big sister standing by her no matter what... after all that is what sisters were for.
They drove back to Scully's apartment in silence.
Thank you for reading,
please leave me a review and tell me what you think.
Chapter 5: Journal.
This chapter will be journal style (dear diary) layout, but within the moment flashbacks, so we get both sides of the story as well as thoughts and feelings.
a huge thank you to @icannotjustify for the much-needed beta reading on this chapter :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
A week has passed since I got back from the hospital, things have been going well. Missy has been here the whole time, she made my spare bedroom into her own for now and for the foreseeable future. She has got her crystals, her rugs, and plenty of clothes. I think at this point she has more clothes than I do. She’s worried about me, but she needn’t be... I’m fine. I have rested well, she has taken good care of me. When Melissa first proposed the idea of sharing my apartment with her, I thought she was mad, yes we were close as sisters but we hadn't lived together since we were kids, a time when we would fight all time; be under each other feet as they say. I have actually come to enjoy her presence, she makes me feel less lonely. For which I am thankful for, especially with me starting to pull away from Mulder much to both his and Missy dismay. Melissa thinks I should tell him about the twins, but I just simply can’t for my own personal reasons, of which she knows, and also doesn't agree with. I hope Mulder thinks I’m pulling away because I got hurt on a case, well two cases as of this date, he also probably thinks I blame him for my misfortune, how wrong he is about that. I love him so much, for the two little lives that now grow inside me. Not just because of that though but because he courageous, loving, compassionate, humble, and so many more wonderful things. Yes, he can be stubborn and arrogant but that is just who is it's a part of him nothing more, nothing less and I love him all the same. I can be myself around him, no fear of judgment, or reprieve. He sees me for who I am and not for who I pretend to be. But with all of that said, I known that what I am doing to him, is going to hurt more than anything he has felt before, including the loss of his little sister. That kind of grief and not knowing, the pain and remorse, that is the kind of pain that’s going to tear him apart. I wish when the time comes he knows how sorry I am and how much pain this is also going to cause me, too. I know he probably won’t ever forgive me but it has to be done.
Yours faithfully Dana.
It’s now the end of August and I’m 22 weeks along, a lot has happened in the past three weeks since I last wrote in you. I don’t know where to start, well logically the beginning would help, wouldn’t it?
I started back at work, it was a relief and worrisome at the same time, monday started out of really good, I arrived at work full of joy at finally getting out of that small apartment and back to normality or something close, at least. I walked into the X-Files basement office, somewhat nervously but Mulder looked pleased to see me, and in all honesty... I was starting to miss him, I know I shouldn’t, I know it's wrong. I need to distance myself from him or that is what my rational mind kept telling me at the time. But at that moment my heart won, I enjoyed it and reveled in it for that tiny fleeting second and I was happy with him, to be near him, together... with him.
Anyway, I sat down at the desk, we talked about my time off, we laughed at how evidently there were pencils in his ceiling because he was bored. It very quickly became time to get down to the nitty gritty aspect of our new case, and oh the joy... I’m barely back five minutes and we have another case. I made Mulder laugh with that comment.
I had missed his smile, the way his eyes would light up and instead of a frown line small smile lines would appear on his face, my feelings became more of a need and showing themselves at the worst possible times, during the day, that I could have those types of feelings. He told me about the case, and how it started out years ago when he worked for the Violent Crimes Section (VCS), Mulder carried on with his story but the main point, I gathered, was that he was young and green, that he had hesitated a minute too long to take the perp out because there were hostages and for this said mistake on his part the perp, John Barnett was his name, shot two agents because he got trigger happy one day and killed seven people. Mulder told me at the time he didn't need my assistance as he and I both knew I needed to take it easier as suggested by my friend and Doctor, Rachel Richards. And at the time I wanted to protect him and be his partner, that was my job after all, but evidently he was right. What he neglected to tell me at the time which I found out later is that his old boss said he was coming after him, and that's the real reason he didn't want me there. To protect me.
I spent the rest of the week, mulling over what I had missed when I was at home, taking it easy and relaxing, which wasn’t a lot. I wasn’t really surprised, because he did come and visit me loads when I was at home. The rest of the week passed by uneventfully... Missy cooked, I told her it wasn’t necessary but she kept insisting that just eating junk food everyday was not healthy for anyone and I didn't want to hurt the twins.
On Thursday, Mom came to visit... checking up on me (and probably making sure Missy and I hadn't killed each other yet), we sat her down together and told her I had spent time in hospital recently but not the reason behind it or any of the gory details behind the case and left it at that. Missy as per usual made the snide comment that I should tell her and if looks could kill I would most definitely be dead five times over. Mom stayed and cooked us a meal, caught me up on what's been going on at our local Church. Missy wasn’t really interested in Church ever since she became a Wiccan, I didn't really care about her beliefs but I listened anyway. It turned out there was a man that my Mother was trying to set me up with but I very politely declined, telling her I wasn't interested in a relationship right now, that my work was very important to me at this time in my life. It was only a half lie.
By the time I had finally started to feel comfortable in my apartment, doing absolutely nothing but taking care of myself and the twins, it was suddenly Friday. Mulder had just got back from the case and it was getting late, we were both sitting in that little basement office we both had come to feel more at home in, he filled me in on the details of what had transpired and how a female agent, got shot and how John Barnett grabbed another hostage bating Mulder into making another terrible mistake. Barnett had a gun to her head and he watched on as she pleaded for her life, and that's when Mulder told me that he pulled the trigger and explained how Barnett eyes glazed over and he fell slowly to the floor, they rushed him to hospital and all I kept thinking was what if I was that female agent? Would I have survived such an attack? Mulder finished his story and I asked what was going to happen now, he told me about the hospital flying in surgical specialist to save his life, but he flatlined on the table. He was kind enough to take me home that night and boy, thinking back now that was the wrong move. I knew Missy was at our parent's housekeeping Mom company because she no longer had Dad around. I invited him in and he moved to the couch, again I don’t know what I was thinking, it seems so ludicrous now when I think back on it, iI was meant to be pulling away not inviting him into my apartment... just the two of us, alone. At first we were just talking and thinking about work, throwing ideas and theories about Bigfoot and then he kissed me out of the blue his warm, soft pouty lips touched mine and it felt incredible (I didn't realize how badly I wanted them on me all of the time), so succulent and so luscious and tasting of strawberries and damn I just couldn't help myself, my mind screaming inside my skull to stop... to end it now, before it went too far. I kissed him back our tongues slipped and slid against each exploring each other's mouths, the feeling was unbelievably sensual and it sent desire between my legs. I got caught up in the moment, I suppose. And then he started running his hand down my arm, working the buttons on my shirt but that was when it hit me my brain finally caught up with what was happening and I pulled away so abruptly, how could I let this happen? We shouldn't be doing this! We really shouldn't be doing this! Kept running through my mind over and over again. This had to stop, I had to make it stop right now, before he found out that I was keeping him from his children. I told him, very loudly to get out, go get out and he did, slamming the door behind him. I collapsed onto the couch, in tears, caressing my growing belly and apologizing to the twins.
Mulder was walking to his car after just being thrown out of Scully’s apartment, they weren't really a couple yet but somehow had stumbled into their very first fight (and he didn't know how), the rain falling on his face rivulets dripping from the tip of his nose into the water puddles as he stepped off the concrete curb and onto the gravel road.
His mind revelling in what had just happened between them, as he got into the car watching as the rain hit the windscreen pitter patter against metal and glass like steel drums in an Orchestra, as he stared out and thought to himself...
I kissed her! What the fuck was I thinking? Shit, Shit, Shit... what have I just done? I didn’t mean to, God I'm such an idiot, but Scully was so beautiful. These days she had an undeniable glow about her that I can’t quite put my finger on but the glow suits her so much, I couldn’t help but kiss her. I was caught up in the moment and I thought she wanted it too. I know she did, I could see it in her eyes, those eyes. Damn, she even kissed me back! Her beautiful lips so red and ready for the taking so full and soft her skin beautiful with her freckles poking through her light makeup like little star constellations in the night sky.
She ran her hand through my hair and let me trail my hand up her arm to the crook of her soft, lithe neck. I mean, fuck... she even deepened the kiss, causing me to start undoing the buttons of her shirt, but only because I had missed her so much. SO DAMN MUCH! Her love, compassion and strength.
She kept me where I belong,
I loved her so much, not that I would ever tell her that, she would probably run a mile in a heartbeat if she knew how I really felt about her, and us. And now I know my feelings aren't reciprocated because she pulled away from me and threw me out without a second thought, here I sit now as the fall falls outside the window I can feel the warm tears fall down my cold face. I am such a fucking fool, I pledged to myself to never fall in love with another co-worker again, not after Diana, but I guess history was meant to repeat itself because I find myself loving Scully with everything I have and am and damn it hurts, it hurts so damn much that I can barely keep from losing myself in the darkness. I need to get out of my head... I need a drink, a long hard stiff drink. I need to forget.
I need to stop loving her. I need, I need... fuck what do I need and who am I kidding? You can’t just stop and forget and not love someone like Dana Katherine Scully. She's unforgettable.
I instantly rang Missy, I needed her and within thirty minutes she was here for me and the twins. I bet she broke every speed limit to get to me but I know she would do anything for me. She opened the door and ran to me, as she hugged me my knees gave way beneath me and we both crumbled to the floor, I cried for hours in her arms and she let me. It's all a bit of a blur now when I think about it, I remember telling Missy what I had done, through my breathless sobs. I told her that I tried not to love him, tried hating him with every fiber of my being but I just couldn’t do it. How could I possibly hate someone who gave me the most precious gift anybody could offer another person. She sat silently with me, saying nothing but held me as tight as she could without hurting me (and the babies) as I just sat there pressed to her warm chest and cried for hours. When I composed myself and got up, I expected her to shout or scream but she stayed silent, thoughtful even. She must have sensed how much he meant to me and how the next few months were going to affect me. Missy took me to bed, undressed me and she slid into the bed next to me and hugged me like we did when we were kids. She has always had such a soothing presence, and soul. My big sister. I make a note to tell her how much I love her in the morning.
The weekend passed like a blur, I don't really remember much apart from staying in my bedroom and crying more than I thought physically possible. I was a mess but Missy stayed with me through it all, guiding me back to life and keeping me from falling off the edge of a cliff and into a bottomless abyss. It looked so welcoming, I was almost mad at her endless ability to never give up. She has always been the more positive of the whole Scully clan, except maybe for Mom.
The start of a new week arrived sooner than expected and I was apprehensive about the day ahead of me. Mulder hadn't called all weekend, I honestly didn't know how I was going to react to him or the way he would react to me, for that matter. To say I was incredibly nervous and ashamed was a gross understatement. When I walked into the office, things were different... there was a tension between the two of us, it was suffocating. Anyone who came down to deliver a file would be able to feel it as soon as the door swung open to let them enter. As the day passed he would talk to me like it was any other normal day in the office but his body language was off, like a man who was confused and conflicted, hurt and broken. Who could blame him for feeling such things? After the way I treated him last week, when all he wanted was to show me that he cared. The hours ticked by unbelievably slowly only occasionally punctuated by small talk, and I could tell there was a strain on our relationship now, a strain I never wanted but didn't know how to avoid, he was pulling away from me... maybe it for the best, but boy did it hurt. It hurt more than I ever thought it would. It hurt deep down in my soul, and I hoped that the twins couldn't feel it in their warm, cosy home they were building inside my womb.
Where do I begin? So much happened. I wasn't in the office that morning because I had a doctors appointment, at just over 22 weeks pregnant it was time for the often terrifying anomaly scan. I didn't want there to be anything wrong with my babies, not that I would love them any less if there was. I would always love them more than life itself, regardless. They were my whole world now, and I would do everything in my power to keep them safe.
Missy took me to the appointment; I think she was more excited than I was, I didn't think that was even possible but it was... I was just so nervous about seeing my babies again, seeing their tiny bodies and hearing their heart beats, not in unison but as a one two count, like the pulse of a planet around its star. It was music to my ears, every single time I heard it. My heart beat furiously in my chest, sweat was forming on the palms of my hands. I think Missy could sense my nervousness and concern for their wellbeing. She looked at me and smiled, reassuringly. I would never be able to repay her for the calmness she brought to our lives during these hard times.
As Rachel called us unto the exam room, Missy grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers, squeezing gently for reassurance with a small gentle smile on her lips and in that moment, I knew everything was going to be OK. Stepping into the room, I carefully laid on the hospital bed... it was cold and uncomfortable.
Missy sat beside me, while Rachel sat down in her rolling office chair; she already had my medical records on the computer screen and she grabbed some of the jelly, squirting it onto my bare stomach. It was slightly warmer this time but still cold and sticky. I think I would always hate the stuff because it got all over my clean clothes, and in creases but let's not go there.
Minutes passed by as Dr Richards probed my abdomen with her wand, searching for the twins. She found my brave, sweet little boy first and made a comment about it still being a little boy which caused all three of us laugh. It took another twenty minutes for her to do the anomaly scan and as far as she was concerned everything appeared to be A-OK. She found my strong, independent little girl next and again everything checked out just fine.
Rachel hit some kind of button combination on the keyboard in front of her and suddenly the empty room, filled with my little girl's heart beat, with the perfect rate of a healthy growing baby, it bounced and echoed off of the four walls. Missy eyes went wide and I began to cry immediately. It was a mixture of delight and relief, I worry before every appointment that I won't hear those sounds, hearing it again makes me believe in miracles. It was so beautiful, the feeling of joy overwhelmed me. She moved the wand to the position she knew the little boy was and it looked like he was playing kick about with his slightly bigger sister and we got to hear his heart beat too, in the quiet empty space between hers. I did worry very briefly about his smaller size, but logically as a Doctor, I knew one twin was almost always bigger than the other, receiving more of the nutrients.
Missy commented that it sounded like water sloshing in a bucket - maybe even alien like, she also said it sounded amazing and pretty cool. At the time the comment made me smile, and laugh but now I think about it just makes me want to cry. If Mulder was there in that room with me it would have been something he had said with a wicked grin and knowing that makes me want to cry for days, maybe even months. I’m starting to question why I am doing this and if I'm doing the right thing, but then one of them would kick or move around inside of me and all of the self-doubts would dissipate in that very instant. They brought me back from the brink more than I care to admit, made me want to be stronger for them and myself.
It was full of pain and anger. Mulder had gotten called upstairs for a meeting with the FBI higher-ups, apparently, they didn't like how he dealt with the last case, but let's face it... what's new there? They're never happy with our work. It's so frustrating, sometimes. He became snappy towards me after that meeting, like he focused all of his anger, pain and betrayal on me and only me. By the end of the day I was getting fed up with him, so I started giving as good as I got and after a solid thirty minutes of us bickering back and forth, a strange electric sticky atmosphere starting lingering in the office like a bad smell and then that's where I left it for the day. I was so fed up with Mulder, this mess and life in general. So I went home to soak my horrible day away in the bathtub. Just me, the twins and the smell of jasmine and vanilla candles. Complete silence. It was amazing.
Was unexpected to say the least, let's just say I need to be more careful now, wait you don't even know what I am on about. Let me explain; I had gone out to lunch because I really needed to get away from Mulder, he was still acting like an ass so I left without so much as a goodbye but what I hadn’t noticed was my ultrasound photo had fallen out of my work bag and was laying on the floor, face up for all too see and ooohhh boy what happened next was… well, I don’t know how to put it. How do you deny the existence of something, when the proof of said something is grasped in your hand?
Mulder was sitting at his desk staring at his blue computer screen, he was meant to be typing up a field report or something along those lines, for a case. Scully had just left, the tension between them amplified by the events of the past couple of days; it was hot, electric, unforgettable and full of sexual tension, pheromones and raging hormones. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but it was definitely there and it was confusing as hell, given everything that had transpired lately. He spun around on his chair like a kid not being able to focus on anything, trying to clear his head and thinking what he could pass the time doing before Scully got back from her lunch break. As he spun around again, he noticed something shiny catch the corner of his eye, he thought he imagined it so he spun one more time but it was still there. So he stopped spinning not feeling the slightest bit dizzy, he stared at that spot before curiosity got the better of him, stood up quickly and started to walk over to see what this thing was, as he moved closer to it he could tell it was a kind of Polaroid photo, or looked about the right shape and size for one at least.
He bent down picking this photo up and staring at with such intensity (his eyes almost hurt), he realised it was an ultrasound photo but he hadn't seen one of them in a very long time, not since his mother and father had shown him of a blurry version of baby Samantha. Running his fingers over the gloss and then the edge of the photo, he realised it was not one but two photos that were folded perfectly flat together. He used his fingertip to pull along the crease unfolding the second, underneath the other, looking at the first photo it was misprinted, missing the name of the mother of who it belonged to. Did they fall out of a file? Mulder wondered and kept reading, the first thing he noticed was a string of numbers of what he assumed with the medical patient ID number, it read 'twin A GA=21w2d'. Mulder read some other information on the grainy images, not really understanding it but the date popped out at him - 21/08/1993 10:53 AM. He looked at the second photo as the information absorbed into his brain, again the first line was missing at the top of the photograph but it read 'twin B GA= 21w2d' the date was the exact same but the timestamp read 11:23 AM. So many thoughts were running through his head. Whose ultrasound photo was this? Is this Scully’s? Wait, she wasn’t here Tuesday morning! Is she pregnant? No, she can’t be she would have told me... wouldn’t she? It can't be possible, we used protection! It can't be ours, can it? His mind in overdrive , thoughts piling up like X- File cases on his desk, he stood there just staring at the photos in his hands, losing all track of time, when suddenly Scully walked in.
Scully stood there, staring at the man in front of her with two photos in his hand and all she could think was shit! She stood there, in quiet fear, watching Mulder’s facial expressions changing as his thought process ran through the possibilities over and over again. She had to think quick, needed a way out.. a way to explain herself and the photos.
"Mulder" Scully's voice wavered, very briefly before she steeled herself against his questions and possible accusations.
"I’m sorry, Scully... it's really none of my business"
"It’s not mine" Scully quickly added with determination and authority hoping and praying against everything that Mulder would believe her bold face lies.
"I didn’t think it was, you... you would have told me. I know that" Mulder said, more a statement than anything, and walked over to her, placing the photos in her hands before sitting back down at his desk.
Scully walked over placed the photos in her work bag, sitting opposite him before speaking "It’s my friends, I haven’t seen her in a while and she wanted my medical opinion on the photos you that you just saw, she was checking everything was alright and that the doctors weren't lying to her. I'm sorry if you got scared, unnecessarily"
Mulder took a long pause looking at Scully directly in the eye "Oh, OK... and is it?"
"Yes, everything looks fine"
"So this friend of yours I take it she having twins? That's so huge, and amazing!"
"Yes. Yes it is, she's very happy. I'm very happy for her. I don't think she ever thought it was something she would get a chance to do"
"That's great. Do you know if they are identical or fraternal?"
"That's so nice! I'm happy for your friend too, Scully. I don’t quite know how she is going to manage but I imagine that she is strong and capable like you. I don't know if could find the time for kids, especially with work" Mulder said, honesty. It was raw emotion, he didn't usually let this side of him out very often but when he did he meant every word he said and she knew it. It was the final nail in the coffin of her decision to keep this information from him, she didn't need to be told a third time how unprepared or unwilling he was to allow kids into his chaotic life.
"It is nice, marvelous in fact. I’m sure she will be fine, she's strong then she looks. I truly believe that"
"She sounds nice. Is the father involved?"
"No" Scully snapped, not meaning to her emotions just got the better of her in that moment. Mulder gave her a questioning eyebrow and she looked down at her hands. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude about it, it's just very personal to her and not my place, you understand. She's nice... I think you would like her"
"Would I? Does she live in the DC area?"
"No, no actually she flies back home to San Francisco tomorrow. I wish you could off meet her"
"It’s quite alright. Maybe when she brings the little ones for a visit to see their aunt Scully, huh? Shall we get back to work?"
"Maybe. I don't know how likely that is. Yes, please" she looked at him again and started secretly having a conversation with him, but without him even knowing what was really said.
Mulder looked back at the computer screen, he could not stop thinking about those photos he held in his hand. What if they were Scully’s? What if they were his children? Do I even want children right now? He sat there, deep in thought, when the answer finally came; Yes! He would want kids with Scully. The idea of little uber Scully's running around was unbelievably amazing and he would give them everything he never had as a child. All the love in the world if he could, he thought long and hard about it, it was a nice idea but never gonna happen because Scully would never lie to him, right? He pushed all thoughts of family out of his mind.
Friday Came and went and the weekend was much the same, nothing important happened. Which leaves me with this past week full of highs and mostly lows, I arrived at work Monday morning, dreading the time spent in that small office. Everything seemed to be going wrong for me that day, my stomach had ballooned overnight it felt like, I wasn't surprised but I was kind of in shock. My work shirt no longer fit properly (the lower buttons refusing to go into their connecting holes), my waistline has also widened considerably and I haven't bought any maternity wear yet. The tight material of my regular clothing wouldn't budge an inch to cover the bump that had started to develop.
I ended up going to work in a black turtleneck sweater and casual black trousers being held up with a hair tie around the button and the buttonhole. Luckily, it was kind of cold that day as autumn was starting to make itself known. On the way to work my car broke down but I managed to phone a repair service who got me started back up and running, of course, that made me two hours late and Mulder was less the impressed.
The day had passed so slowly, with Mulder complaining about everything and anything he could think of, it felt almost intentional. It got to the point that I was ready to cry or throw something at him and tell him to get his damn head out of his ass but I kept quiet. Every now and again I caught him looking at me, with his big hazel eyes (that mysterious mixture of green, blue and brown) at first I saw sadness, hurt and resentment, but I looked deeper and saw something I wasn’t expecting I see... love. I saw a deep-seated and overwhelming heartbreaking kind of love, the kind of love that made me think if I traveled to the other side of the world he would follow me, that if the world was ending he would be by my side (and shit, I actually think I would ask him). The sort of love you only see in movies, because how can something that pure and unaffected exist in the real world? I know from my own personal romantic history, that people usually ruin that kind of connection, either through fear or a misunderstanding.
I got up after I realised this new piece of information, grabbing my bag and running to the nearest restroom. I locked myself inside a cubicle, not caring who was around me and sat down on the toilet seat lid searching and rummaging through my work bag looking for the photos of my babies, tears started streaming down my face stinging my eyes with the pain of them. Why did he have to look at me this way? Why today? I felt like I was drowning unable to stay afloat, the emotion and my damn pregnancy hormones made such an awful combination. Fuck, it was the worst feeling in the world. When I finally pulled myself together and told myself to get a grip, I wiped my eyes and walked out with my head held high, walking back into the X-files office Mulder gave me a small smile but said nothing, so I just sat down and carried on working. I think he could tell I had been crying, and didn't want to upset me more, he could always tell when I wasn't in the mood for his jokes or prying questions. It was one of the reasons I loved him, no one else had ever known that well.
Scully had just walked in, I could tell she had been crying. I don't know why or what happened. She's been pulling away from me as of late. She's stopped talking to me confiding in me and just keeping everything bottled up. It fucking hurts. I don't know why she is doing this to herself, or us. I thought we were headed somewhere good, but everything crashed back down to reality... when I tried to kiss her the other night.
I wasn't expecting her to pull away from me, it made me angry and confused initially but I soon came to realise that it hurt so much more than I even dare to admit to myself. I look at her now, sitting in front of me and I can see she is hiding something from me, but there seems something more like it's not just me she is hiding from but is hiding something from herself as well.
I don't know why she is closing herself off like this, were growing apart and it scares me to death. The idea that I could lose the best thing that has happened to me in my miserable life. I wish she would talk to me or at least go back to the way we were. I would take friendly co-workers over a potential ruined relationship, if it meant I could keep her in my life. But something is going to give because at the moment it feels like I am living in my own damnation or possibly it's karma biting me on the ass, maybe I deserve it. I’m going to look away from her and talk about the case, like nothing ever happened. We're good at ignoring the problem at hand.
Mulder started speaking to me a little more, though I could tell he was still distancing himself from me. It was hard to deal with but it was for the best, and saved me from doing it on my own. It was mutual, like everything we did, even if he had no idea why it was happening.
Wednesday was full of similar cordial but distant FBI partner discussions and work.
After I got home from work that night, something was completely different about the apartment, something I wasn't expecting. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Missy had asked Rachel to come over and surprise me with a little get together to try and cheer me up. It was her only day off and she chose to share it with me, I felt so honored (we hadn't really spent much time together since left my Medical career behind and joined the FBI three years ago). I told Missy there was no need to do this for me, but as usual she didn't listen and I was thankful for once she knew what I needed, there were two women in my life willing to stand by me, putting a hold on their own lives to pamper me and make sure I wasn't alone in the decision I had made to keep this from Mulder.
Over the next few hours, we just sat around drinking, and relaxing on the couch together. It was non-alcoholic, sparkling apple cider for me while Rachel and Missy share a bottle of red merlot between them. We were each wearing a green face mask and casual clothes. I was wearing a new baggy sweater and navy blue leggings, my sister was in her pajamas and Rachel was wearing some light grey jeans and a yellow and black striped t-shirt.
We laughed and let loose, all needing the release it turned out. I couldn't stop smiling, I felt so loved, wanted and free. One of the twins (I wasn't sure which one but Rachel seems sure it was the girl based on the placement she remembered from the ultrasound footage) kicked that night and I remember grabbing Missy's hand as fast as I could and placing it on my lower abdomen. She had been wanting to feel one of them kick since I told her I was pregnant but kept missing the special moments over the next few weeks. That night she felt it, a full-blown punch and or kick and her face lit up, like a kid in a candy store for the first time. She was ecstatic and witnessing this between my babies and their aunt was the most beautiful thing to see... the joy and pure amazement on Missy's face is something I will never forget and always treasure.
When I woke up Thursday morning I felt rejuvenated, like a new person as they say.
Mulder and I got straight down to business and talked about a new case. I wasn’t very happy about how this information came about. Why? I hear you ask, well because it was from his ‘informant’, whom I have still yet to meet and do not trust.
The case was about a possible encounter between a long haul trucker and a UFO in Tennessee; which could possibly mean flying out of state and I hate flying. It also wasn't going to be a fun trip in my current predicament as my feet would begin to swell and it would be uncomfortable being in such close proximity to Mulder, on a plane where I couldn't escape, he was bound to suspect something.
Today (which is Friday), Mulder and I spent most of the morning putting the final details in place, for example, which motel we were going to stay at, plane tickets and our car rental.
I left early, just after lunchtime because I was feeling noticeably huge and tired.
Missy keeps telling me I'm tiny and that my bump is barely noticeable (that you would actually have to know I was pregnant for your attention to be drawn to my stomach) but I don't believe her, especially looking at myself in a mirror.
She just doesn't understand I suppose, as she isn't the one carrying two little beans inside her like I am.
Mulder also said he had plans this evening which is nice, it would be good for him to get out of that small basement office for a while to meet and socialise with someone other than me.
Missy also went out for the night, meeting up with some friends. She deserves the break for all that she has done for me lately and it means that I get some time alone for a little while, and it also means I can write in you.
I can't tell her how I'm truly feeling about everything right now. I feel like it's something I need to keep to myself until absolutely necessary, otherwise, she will only worry and I don't want to burden her any more than I already have.
Yours faithfully Dana
Meanwhile at apartment 42
Mulder was sitting on his brown leather sofa watching the ESPN highlights with the volume muted, not really paying attention to the flickering images in front of him.
He was too busy thinking deeply about the fact that he had lied to Scully when he had told her that he was going out with some friends, it was becoming way too easy to lie to her like that easily and the worst bit about it was she believed him.
There was a knock at the door that gently brought him out of his reverie. He walked over and opened his door, not bothering to look who it was, so he was a bit surprised to find a tall red headed woman standing there a little nervous.
"Hi, Fox. Umm… I was in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by. May I come in? I think we should talk."
"Melissa. Hi. Yeah, of course, you can. Ignore the mess... I wasn't expecting guests. I'm sorry"
"No. I'm sorry for stopping by without warning" Melissa gave Mulder a soft smile as she walked into his apartment, looking around. There were dishes piled up in the sink, the small desk near the window was covered in files and papers as far as the eye could see. There was a small, old TV in front of the brown leather sofa.
She noticed dirty clothes flowing out of the washbasket near the door to the hallway and chuckled to herself when she realised she could definitely tell it was a bachelors apartment, in all honesty, she thought it looked like a frat boys dorm room but made no comment when she sat down on the sofa.
Mulder walked over to where the TV remote was sitting and turned it off before looking over at Melissa and asking "Is it about Scully? Is she alright... has something happened to her?"
"No. Dana’s fine" of course Mulder first thought would be of her sister "She’s just been having trouble since the Willis case. Which I think you would agree is understandable, based on the fact that they were a couple for a while. It's just really shaken her and I don't think she anticipated the feelings it would bring up"
"Yes, I understand. I just hope will she be OK"
"She'll be fine, it’s just going to take her some time. I actually came to see how you were doing after Dana’s hospital stay. You seemed worried"
"I’m fine. It was just a bit of a shock. I know that she's OK now" Mulder said, defensively.
"Fox, please... don't lie to me. I can tell you not fine. Really, how are doing?" stressing the word HOW to try and get her point across to him.
"Melissa I…." Mulder tried to think of something to say, keeping his eyes focused on anything but Melissa in fear of breaking in front of Scully’s sister.
"I’m not going to push but I'm here if you need to talk about it or anything, in fact, I’m here as a friend... there will be no judgment from me, I promise"
"Thank you, Melissa"
"It's my pleasure. Please, call me Missy. We're friends now" she said laughing and giving him a wide, friendly smile.
"OK, Missy. In that case, you can call me Mulder now"
"Nope, not a chance, I like calling you Fox. It is your name after all and I think it suits you" Missy said, still with a smile on her face and trying to keep herself from laughing more.
"Fine" That was it, they both fell into a fit of laughter.
"Oh, I almost forgot. I bought a six pack of beer but left it down in my car in case you weren't in... or would let me in"
"Why wouldn't I let you in? You’re Scully’s sister"
"I just thought... but you're right. I will be back in five minutes, just going to run back down to the car and get them and then we can talk about anything you want" said Missy, as she rushed downstairs to grab the beer from her car.
A couple of hours later, the beer had been consumed. They had split the six bottles, three each. Mulder had down his just a little too quickly, while Missy was making her final bottle last.
Mulder wasn't used to having friends over (usually preferring to drink alone) and it soon became apparent that he did indeed call Missy a friend. They laughed and talked about Scully and her childhood... they talked about everything and anything. He was actually enjoying himself, forgetting at least for a little while about his problems, that was until he let his mind wander back to present day Scully, if she was really OK and why she had been pulling away from him the last few weeks.
"I miss Dana" Mulder blurted out, he was slightly tipsy maybe even full blown drunk at this point and thinking about her, his brain just couldn’t catch up with what he had said.
"I know you do, Fox. I can tell you she misses you too. I hope that helps... a little"
"I know you mean well... but it doesn't. Do YOU know what I've done wrong? What did I do to upset her? Or did I do something that made her angry? I just don’t know why she's pulling away from me now, when everything was going so well between us. I know you say it's the Jack Willis case that is taking a toll on her but it feels like more, like it's me. Like me, existence in her life is the problem. Missy, I need to know... did something else happen? Did I do something? I want to fix it before it's too late"
Shit , thought Missy. She had to be very careful in choosing her words right now, so that she didn't accidentally give anything away but damn this was hard, all she really wanted to do was tell him everything about the twins and about why Dana was closing herself off to him.
Missy knew if she did that Dana might never forgive her. would she do it anyway? Without help. She is after all a Scully woman stubborn to the bone.
"You didn’t do anything, I promise. She's just got a lot going on at the moment, has to work through some stuff on her own and then she will be her old self again. Stronger even. She cares about you a lot, don’t ever forget that... OK? Just give her this time"
"I love her" Mulder said, before retreating back into himself and locking his emotions away again.
The room fell silent as the words hung in the air; Missy couldn’t think of anything to say to allay his fears any more than she had. She could see Mulder’s eyes begin to fill with unshed tears. Why did the situation have to be so damn hard on everyone? Why couldn’t Dana just say how she really feels? She thought about what she should say next, or what to do next as she got a little closer to him and gave him a hug, hoping to steer him into a more lightweight conversation, she succeeded and they talked about sport, aliens and even Scully some more; his favorite subject.
I haven’t had time to write in you, during the last couple of weeks. I can't believe it... time has been flying by. I’m now 26 weeks and bigger than ever. I didn’t feel like I needed to write in to be honest life was good, Mulder and I have been really good or so I thought but I will get to that in a little bit.
We have had a couple of weird cases as of late and with that in mind. I'd like to tell you about some friends of Mulder's I met... the Lone Gunman. What an experience that was!
Their names are Richard ‘Ringo’ Langly, Melvin Frohike, and John Fitzgerald Byers.
Langly is tall with long blonde hair and wore a t-shirt with his favorite band on, The Ramones. Frohike is short with dark hair, personally he gives me the creeps but I think that to do with him having the hots for me, which is a little bit "eww" for my taste and then there is Byers, loves his suits apparently and was also taller than me and had brown hair with a brown goatee beard which I think looks good on him.
I don't think you could find three people more suited to be friends, and friends of Mulder's if I were being completely honest. The fact that they were hackers and had helped Mulder out of sticky situations, it was nice to finally meet them.
Anyway, what you really want to know is... what happened today, right? Oh god, where do I start? So, I was pottering about my apartment doing laundry, cleaning dishes etc.
Missy had gone over to Mom’s again because we both needed a break, we were starting to get underneath each other's skin and feet a little bit. I had just sat down on the sofa wrapped up in a warm, cozy blanket and just about to relax after all the housework I had done, when there was a knock at the door. I grunted and muttered some inappropriate language under my breath as I stood up; my back, feet and ankles were swollen and sore.
I really wasn’t in the mood for company but there I was opening the door anyway, only to find Mulder standing on the other side; in casual jeans, a brown T-shirt and leather jacket, as autumn was upon us I admit it had been getting a little brisk outside.
He looked at me and smiled and that’s when I realised what I was wearing. I stood there in an oversized baggy black sweater and regular grey leggings because even though I was huge, I still wasn't ready to wear maternity clothes while in the comfort of my own home.
I couldn't help but sigh as I let him into my apartment.
He had brought beer and a movie, and make himself at home sitting on my couch without asking me. Not that I would have said no, it was nice to see him.
It was nice. I have to admit that I had missed him a great deal and it actually felt like old times.
Mulder put the movie that he had brought along, into the VHS player and sat back down next to me on the couch, offering me a beer that I politely declined which got me a world famous Fox Mulder raised eyebrow but he didn’t say anything, saving me from having to mention why I wouldn't be drinking tonight, or any other night for a while. I grabbed the nearest pillow to try and help hide my growing belly from him. I decided to sit close to him but far enough away that he couldn't touch me, much to his obvious disappointment.
An hour disappeared without my even noticing it, the alcohol flowed freely... at least, on Mulder’s part anyway. He finally looked relaxed in my company, I was equally as relaxed to be around him again, and making comments about the film he had chosen for us to watch. Ironically, Mulder had picked 'Aliens' which in our line of work made me laugh out loud. He knew I hadn’t seen it, and yes I have seen the first one but not Aliens, or Alien 3.
I had made a promise a couple of months back, to watch it with him and tonight I made good on that promise. Mulder kept looking at me in a certain way, like he wanted to say something or something was weighing heavily on his mind but he didn’t know how to bring it up without ruining our night, which was going well up to this point, thankfully.
It was starting to make me uneasy. We were enjoying ourselves, I thought. But I could tell something was coming like an oncoming storm, questions that I didn’t have the answers for... not right now and I didn't want to get into another fight. Not tonight.
Another hour and a half went by and the credits started rolling their way down the TV screen. Mulder lent forward grabbing the remote from between us on the couch and putting the TV on mute. He looked directly at me and said that the only thing they got right about the aliens was their color which made me chuckle softly.
He looked at me again and smiled, causing my sweet innocent chuckle to turn into a deep, from the bottom of my stomach laugh and then his smile turned serious and that was when it all went wrong. So wrong!
Mulder looked directly at Scully, big blue eyes studying her pale complexion. He had been wanting to ask her a few questions all night but couldn't think of the right way to ask them. They were delicate and ran the risk of upsetting her even more than he knew she was. He took a nervous swig from his bottle of beer, hoping for some liquid courage after the turmoil his mind had been putting him through, thinking it best to just come out, ask and hope against everything that he got the truth and some answers he was looking for, from her tonight.
The way Mulder said her name made her heart jump, her nerves kick in and the blood rushes to her brain in the anticipation of what as going to happen next. She knew it was coming but she wasn’t ready, would she ever be ready? All the lies had been piling up over the last few months, and the idea of explaining it all now filled her with level of stress she didn't know was possible.
"What changed?" whispered Mulder, still looking deeply into her eyes.
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck Scully thought, but said "What do you mean Mulder?"
"Don’t play coy with me, Scully. Let me be more clear, what happened between us? We were happy, we were spending nearly every waking moment together and then one day we weren't. I want to know why? What happened? What could I of possibly done to deserve this from up? Tell me... Please"
"Well, I don't know what to say... a lot has happened recently, and that case with my ex really affected me. Honestly, it made me reevaluate things" Scully offered him, at least she wasn’t completely lying to him now.
"So everyone keeps telling me. I just don't believe it... it feels like more than that. Like I'm responsible for, at the very least, a portion of the reason you've pulled away from me" Mulder muttered underneath his breath "Reevaluate what, Scully? Us? Your job? What?"
"Life, Mulder. The unnecessary danger I put myself in everyday... I don't want to be killed. There are things I want to do with my life" Scully said, it was the honest truth.
"That doesn't really explain why you stopped talking to me... don't you think I would understand if you wanted to avoid dangerous fieldwork? I don't want you to be hurt because of me, you should know that by now" he looked at her, starting to see the water brimming in the corners of her eyes "At some point... we stopped being friends, you stopped confiding in me, and now you won’t let me touch you. I'd like to know why. In the past month you have changed in so many ways; the clothes you wear, the way you act at work, the way you respond to me. It scares me. Scully, please, just tell me why"
Scully looked at him, deep into his hazel eyes that portrayed so much raw emotion, he was hurting more than she thought and quite possibly may be more than she was. She hated what she was about to do and for once she was absolutely certain he would hate her too.
"We were never friends, Mulder! Not even lovers, it was just a fling and I'm sorry you thought it was more but it never was. We're just two people who work together, OK? I haven’t changed, you're just seeing the real me. I told you when we first met, in that dingy bar that I didn’t want a relationship and I still don’t. It was just easy sex, for me. Do you understand now? Just sex, nothing more" she replied, matter of factly and without a shred of emotion. It was so ice cold, she scared herself. She figured that if she said it in such a way, Mulder would have no choice but to believe her.
"You're lying, Scully! Not just to me, but to yourself. Why would you say that? How could you use me, after everything I told you. After everything we have shared about our lives," Mulder was red-faced and angry, his fingers clenched into a fist in his right hand and nails digging into the palm.
"I was sent to spy on you, and that’s what I did Mulder. I spied and fucked you, to get close to you and learn more... and reported back to them. Like I was always supposed too. You never knew me!"
Mulder couldn’t take it anymore, he grabbed the back of her neck and brought his lips to hers and kissed her, roughly. Scully put both of her hands on his chest, pushing back against his force and slapped him as hard she could, the sound of it ricocheted around the silent room.
"Ha! I knew it... God, I knew it. I mean a lot more to you than just a "work colleague". I see the way you look at me... with love and adoration. You can't fake that, Scully, as much as you might pretend you can... you fucking can't! You love me, and I think you should start being honest with yourself about the way you feel, before it's too late to do anything about it... before I'm no longer here to do anything about it. Do you really want to risk me not being here, when you finally come to your senses?" Mulder was practically shouting at her now, his anger being expressed more freely and uncontrollably than it had been given the chance to lately, mind racing and heart pumping.
"Get the fuck out now! I am done with you and your bullshit, Mulder! You don't know me or what I want in my life. Leave me home, immediately and don't ever call me again or stop by unannounced" Scully screamed, at the top of her lungs not caring about the neighbors anymore, she was so incredibly angry at him. How dare he say these things to her! Mostly, she was angry with herself though. She had made such a mess of her life and the very idea that he wouldn't be there when she got her shit together infuriated her, so she used all that pain and anger to make him leave.
Mulder stood up, grabbed his coat and opened the front door of her apartment "See you Monday!" he threw over his shoulder at her and then slammed the door closed.
Scully struggled getting up from the couch and walked over to the door, knowing Missy wasn’t going to back that night and locked it. She was about to go back to the sofa when her knees gave out and she fell to the floor, her back flat against the door, elbows on her knees and hands cupping her face as she cried for everything she had done to him and everything she was going to do, before finally whispering "I love you" into the empty room.
Unbeknownst to Scully, Mulder had not walked directly to the elevator, he had also fallen to his knees with his back flush against the other side of the door, tears streaming down his face and collecting into puddles on his lap.
It was late and he knew nobody would be around and he whispered ‘I love you’ into the poorly lit and empty hallway. He loved her so damn much, every waking moment was spent thinking about her, the way her body would react when they were in the same room. The electricity between them. He couldn’t be the only one to feel it, could he? Why would she do and say these things to him? How could she do this? Why does it feel like his glass heart had just been shattered into a thousand million piece? How could he fall in love so deeply, with everything he had and be told it was a mistake on his part? Damn her, damn the relationship! He got up and walked to his car, muttering something about needing another drink, a stronger one and just drove, ignoring the speed he was driving at.
So, that’s when I decided I needed to write in you. I’ve been a fool, thinking I could be his friend and work colleague, his feelings run deep as do mine. I know I have hurt him, beyond repair lately but he hurt me more than words can express tonight so I hurt him back just as hard, just like children fighting on a playground, scoring points. I just wish we had said something different instead of arguing, that he didn't bring it up all, when he knew it would only make things worse between us. Skinner approved my ‘Vacation’ time, without prying into why I wanted it now, which means I won’t be seeing him Monday morning. Fuck, I love Fox Mulder. I do. Everything he said was true, I shouldn't have expected less from a man who desires the truth from everyone he meets. I cannot believe the things I said to him tonight. I didn’t mean them. I hate myself for saying such things but it worked, he left and won’t be coming back anytime soon. I hope! Actually, that's another lie... I'm terrified he won't ever come back to me, that I've ruined the only good thing that's ever happened to me. Here I sit alone, like I thought I wanted, but I wasn't really alone, I had my babies... my last link to Mulder. Both of them were kicking and punching my insides, at least they weren't going to leave me, the thought of making me laugh. But I know the reason they're kicking so violently, they are protesting what I have just don't to there father. Even in utero, I can tell they love him. The irony of it all is... I’m doing it from them. I will always put them first. Nothing will be placed above them, not even my love for Mulder.
Yours faithfully Dana
This will be the last entry for a while, and all I’m going to say is... it's done!
Yours Faithfully Dana
Apartment 42; realtime.
Mulder was way past worried at this point, because he hadn't seen or heard from Scully in almost three weeks, and was staring down a nervous breakdown over her absence in his life.
Not since they erupted at each other in her living room that fateful weekend. Maybe he was stupid to expect to see her Monday at work like everything was still normal and they hadn't said horrible things to each other but what he didn’t know at the time was Skinner had approved four weeks vacation time for her.
He knew that she was angry at him but didn't think she wouldn't call or email in that time frame. It just wasn’t like Scully. Regardless, of how their relationship was at any time, she would always let him know she was fine. That fact alone was troubling him.
So, after he had woken up from yet another night terror(something that had disappeared from his life since meeting Scully) he decided to go visit her and apologize, to grovel at her feet if necessary, to tell her how he really feels about her, and prays she feels the same way too. He couldn’t lose her not now, he couldn't go back to his dark, lonely existence. It would destroy him.
He poured himself a mug of coffee and sat at his tiny kitchen table watching the sun come over the horizon filling his living room with light and thought long and hard about the different ways he could say I’m sorry. After a minute he found one that felt right on his tongue and didn't leave a bitter aftertaste, he quickly got changed into some sweatpants, a cream and brown shirt and slid his cold black leather jacket along his arms.
Grabbing his keys, gun, and badge and quickly slipping his feet into his sneakers, still thinking about Scully, and then went down to his car got in and drove straight to her apartment complex.
Twenty minutes later he had parked and was staring up at her bay window but made sure he was out of sight, in case she decided to look out of her window at that unfortunate moment, still debating on what to say and what he should do. Now he was doubting if he should do this at all, so he sat there for another ten minutes before saying to himself "it’s now or never"
Mulder stepped out of his car looking around at the scenery before him, the trees looked bare and were covered in small water drops and he could smell the rain from the night before, puddles reflecting the morning light bouncing across the windows of the surrounding environment, the air was brisk and cold as he held his jacket against his chest as not to let any wind onto his chest. He put one foot in front of the other until he reached Scully’s door, knocking once and waited; there was no reply, so he knocked again and still nothing and he couldn't make out any sounds. It was silent on the other side, causing a bad feeling deep within, so he went to find the landlord expecting to have to show his badge to him but the poor old man actually remembered him from all of the times he had slept over at Scully’s apartment, handing the key to Mulder without a word. He walked back up to her apartment, putting the key in the door and unlocking it... what he saw next, wasn’t something he was expecting and it shocked him to his very core, brought tears to his eyes. Mulder walked into Scully's apartment finding it bare and Barron and he fell to his knees crying, the last thing on his lips was her name.
ooo What a Cliffhanger, please don't hate me ^^ hehe.
Thank you for Reading.
please tell me how you think, I am doing.
Chapter 6: Bella Vita (Beautiful Life)
Here is the long awaited Chapter Six
I am So Sorry for this Chapter taking so long, my laptop broke for three weks just after i had finished hand writing this chapter.
A big Thank You To @icannotjustify on Twitter For Beta Reading this again for me.
Also a big Thank you to both @PrincessSiobhan @LuzXRayMD for the medical knowledge in both countries
With out further a do Chapter Six.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
A few hours had passed since he arrived and Mulder was still laying scrunched up in the fetal position on the living room floor of Scully's empty apartment, after having cried so hard that he had fallen asleep from the sheer exhaustion of it all.
There was a small rattle on the other side of the front door (the doorknob being turned) but Mulder still didn't rouse from his spot on the cold, hardwood floors. He vaguely heard soft footsteps making their way across the room towards him but he still did not move. Honestly, he didn't know if his limbs would even work after all this time of inactivity and knew that he didn't have the brain power to deal with whoever it was. He was hoping that they would see that he wanted to be left alone, and leave without bothering him. He was wrong.
Suddenly, he felt warm delicate hands trail over the expanse of his back, trying to sooth his rigid body and the impossibly soft whisper of his name and yet, he still didn't acknowledge or move in response. Mulder just didn't care anymore, not after everything that he had lost.
It wasn't until the fourth or fifth time of his name being gently said from behind him, with a small hint of sadness in the voice that he indeed recognised it as HIS name... and the voice saying it. He rolled his stiff body over towards the sound, to find a petite redheaded woman kneeling beside him, her eyes were red and puffy and her complexion was pale, her cheeks wet and cold. She looked heartbroken, as her thumb make careful slow circles on his upper arm. Then and only then did he speak, moved to do so by her presence in his life again.
"Scully?" he whispered, barely audible to the human ear and through silent tears.
"Yes. Mulder, It’s me. I’m here"
Mulder immediately lifted his head up and into Scully’s lap, not even noticing the small round baby bump covered by a navy blue turtleneck, and cried; letting go of every stupid thought that his brain had concocted in the last few hours.
"Shh. It's OK. I'm here. I'm sorry, Mulder... just let it all go. Everything's OK now" Scully whispered over and over again until his heart-wrenching sobs turned into small quiet cries, her hand still caressing his arm.
When Mulder finally managed to control his emotions and get control over his tears, he sat up straight, eyes coming into focus and settling on her stomach and then travelling up to her chest and finally to her face; to those crystal blue eyes that he loved.
She nodded, a smile beginning to appear on her face, to the question he was about the ask. Mulder looked down at her perfectly round pregnant belly and then back up to her eyes again. He was shocked... but so so happy. No words were ever spoken, because there were no need for them, they both knew what it meant. Scully nodded her head, as Mulder placed his large right hand on her stomach and he could feel a tiny creature move within the safety of her womb, smiling from ear to ear.
He thought to himself that it felt like... an alien kicking against his palm. He was still smiling when she looked at him, his facial expression saying everything that needed to be said. Mulder was beyond thrilled, knowing that it was his child that she was carrying, that they had created this perfect being together... he quickly looked up again, searching her eyes for the answer and she whispered.
"It's a girl"
And looked back down at her stomach, still able to feel his perfect little girl moving around, so full of life and kicking beneath the taut skin. He was so mesmerised, eyes growing heavy again after the emotional roller coaster of the past few hours. But he felt safe and loved by the family that he had found. Wasn't alone anymore. Sure, it was unexpected but definitely not unwanted, and he was going to love Scully and his child with every fibre of his being. Mulder's eyes slipped shut, a feeling of warmth and contentment flooding through his body.
He woke up again, not knowing how long he had been lying there but it was dark out and he could tell that he was alone. Scully was gone. Mulder sucked in a breath, and tried to remember if she said she was leaving, or if... and then it hit him. He realised that she had never been there, that they weren't about to be parents and that his life was just as empty as before. Obviously, it had all been some elaborate and sick joke his subconscious had played on him. And he broke down again, rocking back and forth his hands pressed to his eyes, tears escaping through his fingers. How could this be happening? Why had she left? He felt no emotion... just complete and utter emptiness. It was the only way he was going to cope and he blacked out again.
Several hours later.
Mulder woke up, a broken shell of himself. He was dehydrated and sore, the upper part of his body on the rug in her living room and his hips and legs on the hardwood floors where the sofa usually is.
Figuring out that he had passed out for the second time in a matter of hours, in Scully's empty apartment, he tried to move, to get up but it was difficult because his knees and hips hurt and he had somehow given himself carpet burn on his cheek during his breakdown.
He could smell her in the carpet that he had clearly crawled onto at some point during the night and wanted to get away from it. It was too much, he wanted to get away from all of it. From her, from DC.. and from himself. Why was he such a fuck up? He hated himself so much right now.
Mulder stood up feeling completely numb to his core, absolutely heartbroken and just a bit woozy on his feet. Oh, and starving... he hadn't eaten since, he couldn't even remember and he had no idea how long he had been here. His heart started racing, the fear and pain consuming him... he had to leave this place, go for a walk, do something. He couldn't just stand here, he had to find her, to explain to her how he felt; to ask her to come back to him. He tried to take a step, put one foot in front of the other but fell to the floor, his body was too heavy and sore to move... he felt paralysed.
But he to push through the pain, needed to move, to find her and he had to turn his sorrow into something more productive, something that would make him move from this spot and turn his life around. Because what he was feeling now was too much for him to handle it and he knew that it would eat away at him, little by little. That it would consume him and swallow him whole, that this kind of sorrow would bury him alive.
Forcing his body to move, using all of the strength in his arms that he could muster right now, he pushed himself up and off the ground. Once he was standing upright, he forced his legs to move, one foot in front of the other just barely making his way to her bedroom. Looking at the emptiness of the room, he almost couldn't breathe. There were so many memories made in this room of them, laying naked sharing moments no one else would see just the two of them as their souls would merge and their hearts would sore and sparks would fly as the lovemaking erupted into the stratosphere. And now all that's there are dust particles shimmering in the rays of the sun coming up and streaming in through the window.
He shut the door and walked over to her bathroom everything was gone in there too; her little shampoo bottles, the array of candles... everything but he could still smell her perfume lingering in the air, standing there he just stared at the empty shower cubicle and remembered the beautiful things that happened there. The way the water would bounce off her beautiful pale skin and down her face sliding down her upper torso and onto her legs, the simple pleasure she got from the hot water hitting her face and washing away her troubles from the long days they shared together at work or on the weekends. He liked it when Scully was make up free and naked in the shower because she was so natural and free...and he could see every freckle and every blemish, even that beauty spot she liked to hide but he not so secretly loved. Suddenly, Mulder closed the door, slamming it with an unexpected force desperately trying not to dwell on the thoughts that invaded his mind.
He really needed to get the fuck out of this apartment before the sorrow and the despair got to him, before it swallowed him whole leaving him paralyzed and broken beyond repair. He quickly ran to her front door shutting it and locking it behind him. Not even knowing where to start; was she even classified as a missing person yet? It occurred to him that he didn't even know how long she had been gone. Would the FBI even help if she went of her own free will? Jesus, what if left because she felt smothered by me. Did the new Assistant Director know where she was? It was possible, she must have left her job. Did she tell the AD and not me? Probably. Does her family know? Surely, if she was going to leave town Mrs Scully would know, maybe Melissa knows something? What about her doctor friend? He would try all of them, and if they didn't know... he would do it himself.
Mulder didn't even realise that he had arrived at his car, he was so consumed by his thought. He stopped for a moment, gathering himself and then open the car door and sat down heavily, in the driver's seat. The car was empty, much like his life, but still memories of the past came flooding into his mind.
He took another deep breath, his heart breaking all over again. Scully had told him once 'I wouldn't put my life on the line for anybody but you'. So what's changed? Why now? Mulder slammed his clenched fists against the steering wheel, anger finally taking over and he began shouting, screaming and letting all of his frustrations out but it was only met with silence in the empty car. After calming down, he turned the key in the ignition before driving to the Hoover building.
He soon arrived at Skinner's office and the secretary, Arlene, shot him a weird look before telling him to sit down and that the A.D. would be out in a moment to talk with him. Mulder hadn't even looked into a mirror since waking up in Scully's apartment and he didn't know how long he had been there, in fact he didn't know what day it was nor did he care.
"Come in Agent Mulder Take A seat" Skinner opened the door to his office, gesturing for him to join inside.
Mulder looked up at the man speaking to him, he was wearing a clean-cut dark suit, white shirt and a tie to match, he was between 40-50 years of age and wore wire-rimmed glasses.
He stood up wobbling slightly, then walked into the office and sat down watching A.D. Skinner walk behind his desk and take a seat. Once Skinner sat down Mulder finally had the courage to speak.
"Sir, have you heard anything about Agent Scully?"
"No, I haven’t Agent Mulder. Has something happened?" Skinner asked, looking intently at the younger Agent in front of him, and he instantly knew something had happened.
Mulder's floppy brown hair was dishevelled and stuck in parts to his forehead, his suit was crumpled and he wasn't even wearing his suit jacket anymore (he had tossed it onto the back seat of his car in frustration) and it looked like he hadn't slept in days. Maybe even a week. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like the slightest noise would set him off. Skinner hoped that he didn't have his gun on him, because it was an accident waiting to happen if he did and that was paperwork he had no interest in filling out.
"Yes! Umm, actually... I don't know. I understand that you approved a four-week vacation, for Agent Scully. But I... I went to her apartment... and it was empty!"
"Hmm. I don’t know what to say, Agent. Is it possible she has moved?"
"It’s not that, Sir. I believe that she would have said something... if that was the case"
"Well again, I don’t know what to say. I'm sure it's nothing. Perhaps, she just needed a break. Listen, I will let you know if I hear anything but as far as I am aware Agent Scully will be back in two weeks"
"Thank you, Sir" Mulder sighed, walking out of the office and contemplated whether to go down to the office or to just go home, but quickly decided to gone down to the basement office, hoping he could find something about where Scully had gone and maybe he would ring the Lone Gunmen and see if they could track her whereabouts if he didn’t have any luck. He hoped that he would have luck, that she might have left some clues that he had missed before, in their office... because it was THEIR office.
Many Hours Later.
Mulder walked into his apartment and threw his keys, badge and gun on the table near the front door completely missing the mark and not really caring enough to pick it all up.
Sitting down on the brown leather sofa, his mind was in utter turmoil, knowing that he should try and get some sleep but also knowing with 100% certainty that he wouldn’t be able to because the love of his life had walked out on him without telling him what he had done and leaving no a note, nor an email. Literally nothing. Almost like she had never existed in the first place.
He could see now, all those little things that he missed over the past couple of months adding up and it suddenly made sense. Scully had been pulling away from him, they'd had, what he thought were small arguments... hell, they'd had big arguments too, and maybe it was all meant to brace him for future events. Maybe she was trying to tell him something this whole time. But this was his life, which meant that even when something good happens in it, it always goes horribly wrong; his sister went missing, Phoebe manipulated him and Diana left him. Mulder thought he was finally able to let someone back into his life, into his heart even though he didn't trust easy, but he trusted Scully with every fibre of his being and she betrayed him, like everyone else. She made his life mean something, and now it was empty again.
Mulder doesn't know what to do now, or where his life is going, or who he is without Scully in his life. It felt like he was forever going to wander this world broken and bleeding and beyond repair, having lost it all, or everything that matters to him. And now he had lost the only person that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with and her name was Dana Katherine Scully. He found himself dreaming of Scully in shades black and white, like a scene from the silver screen.
They were walking in the moonlight and she pulled him close but in split second, before he could kiss her, she disappeared and he was all alone again. Mulder woke up in tears the realisation that even after everything that had happened, all he wanted to do was hold her, overwhelming him. He had taken his time with her for granted and knowing that he didn't get to say I love you, might be his greatest regret.
It has been almost two whole weeks since I wrote in you. by now Mulder will have found that my apartment is empty and that I no longer live there. Knowing him, as well as I do, he has probably been asking himself what he did wrong. And whether or not there is something he can do to fix what happened between us. But the truth is... he never did anything wrong. I don't think he could, that's how pure he is. It was all my fault and I wish I could take it back but it's too late now.
If I haven't made it clear, I moved out of state over two weeks ago and the only people that know where I am are my older sister, Missy... and my Doctor (and good friend)Rachel.
I haven’t had the strength to even tell my mother yet, all that she knows is that I have moved, that it was an extremely personal decision and I am safe and sound. She couldn't resist asking me one question though, she asked if it had anything to do with Mulder and I said that it didn't. I don't know if she believed me but she appeared to accept my answer. I did ask her to keep an eye on him though and she offered to try but thought it might be difficult seeing as she doesn't know him very well.
Missy will be taking a flight back to DC soon, to give the finalisation papers I signed to my landlord and end my lease for good. Giving it some thought, that apartment would be too small for me, Missy and the twins anyway. She has also been getting increasingly worried as my pregnancy progresses. I try to tell her not to be, that everything is going well so far... but I don't think she ever expected to be in this situation and honestly, neither did I. I thought I would be married, and that maybe we'd start with having one child. But things never turn out the way you expect or want.
I am now 30 weeks along, and she's worried that I'm isolating myself from everyone and everything... and in a way I suppose I am. It makes things easier and means I don’t have to make attachments here, in case I don’t want to stay for whatever reason. I don’t know where I am going, or how I am getting there or what the future holds. So for now I am going to say goodbye
Yours faithfully Dana
Mulder was sitting in Mrs Scully's house this was the second time they had met since Scully had disappeared. The first time was when Mulder had rung Mrs Scully and asked if she had seen or heard from Scully in recent weeks. What he had learnt from the conversation was; Scully had called her mother often but would not say where she was or why she so abruptly ended her lease and moved. Mulder and Mrs Scully had met at a diner near the Hoover building and from that meeting she invited him around for a small dinner a few days later.
He thought Maggie might be pitying him but also knew that she was obviously missing her daughter too. He pushed aside all of the thoughts that were creating turmoil in his mind, every waking second of the day, so he could be there for Scully's mom and this dinner would be a nice escape from his thoughts, at least for a few hours... so he had agreed.
Mulder was now sitting at a small round table in the middle of a beautiful kitchen, the colours warm and welcoming. He sat there staring at two pictures hanging on the wall, there were all sort of photos of a loving family well cherished but one in particular caught his eye; there were two young children playing on the beach caught unawares in a perfect moment, one of the children was Scully. Mulder took an educated guess that the younger boy was her brother, Charlie. They were building a sandcastle, they must have been between five to six years old. He thought that they could easily be mistaken for twins. Mulder couldn't shake the image of the dream he had a few weeks ago of him, Scully and their little girl growing inside of her belly. He shook his head, trying not to dwell on the memory but he could feel his eyes threatening to tear up and fall down his cheeks... that when Mrs Scully caught his attention and asked him something.
"Pardon, I didn’t catch that can... can you say that again please, Mrs Scully"
"Maggie, please. I was asking... if you're OK. You look pale all of a sudden like you've seen a ghost"
"Yes, I'm fine... thank you. I was just wondering if you had heard from Dana again?"
"No, Fox. Not since the last time we had spoken. I know you're worried, but when she's ready to tell us what has happened and where she has gone... I'm sure she will let us know"
"Thank you Mrs... I mean, Maggie"
Maggie could see that the young man sitting in front of her was battling within himself and that he carried a pain deep inside, she could also see he cared about Dana and from the way her daughter had spoken about him she knew that her daughter cared deeply about him too. But what she could not understand is why Dana moved so suddenly and didn’t tell anyone why and for what purpose, knowing Dana as well as she did she knew there must be a reason and for which in time she would let everyone know but for now she wasn’t ready and so as Dana's mother, she would not push her for information and let it happen when the time is right.
"It’s my pleasure, Fox. I hope you like lasagne... you look like you could do with a good warm home cooked meal at the moment" Maggie said with a smile.
Mulder nodded and watched Maggie head back into the kitchen and plate up their dinner.
I am now 32 weeks pregnant and a lot has happened in the last two week not with me per se, but with everyone else in my life... and by everyone I mean, Missy and Mom.
I should really start from the beginning or it's not going to make any sense.
Mom phoned me a couple of days ago, and as you know I have asked her to keep an eye on Mulder for me. Well, I should have been more specific I suppose; what I meant by keeping an eye on him was a phone call every now and then but my Mom had other ideas and I’m still not sure if it’s a good thing or not. Apparently my Mom did indeed ring Mulder and they had met up for dinner near where I used to work. She said that he seemed to enjoy the company, but on the other hand something was off with him. She said that Mulder looked sad, but more than that... he seemed a shell of the person that I had described to her over the past year, she said he looked like he was on autopilot.
Speaking when meant to, eating when told and I would say sleeping whenever but we all know Mulder doesn't sleep. As you can imagine, my Mom was confused by all of this. So she took it upon herself to invite him to dinner at her house and oh boy when Mom said that I was left speechless. I didn't know whether to be glad or slightly concerned about it. Mom said that the dinner went well, considering and that they ate lasagne which she later found out was one of his favourites. He asked about me a lot, to which I am not surprised. I think about him a lot, too. Mom says she doesn't understand why I just can't tell him or her where I am or why I moved. She also doesn't understand why I don't just declare my feelings for Mulder. I tried to tell her that I didn't have any feelings for him but she simply said "you're my daughter, and I know when you are lying" nothing more needed to be said after that. I mean, what could I say in response? She was right and we both knew it.
I remember the phone line went quiet for a few minutes. I suppose neither of us knew what to say, so we sat there for a moment listening to each other breathing from three thousand miles away, the silence quickly becoming uncomfortable. I honestly didn’t know what to say, so finally Mom spoke again... telling me about what she and Mulder had spoken about, which was kind of embarrassing on my part. Apparently Mulder was eager to listen to stories about me and Charlie when we were younger and with each story told he seemed to relax more and more. She said that his enjoyment of her stories made her laugh.
Mom said she was going to invite him along again, just to make sure that he's quote-unquote OK and has a decent meal inside of him, because she thought he wasn't eating well. Not that I've ever seen him eat well, of course. I thanked her for being welcoming to Mulder and I meant it, this little act of kindness from my Mom meant the world to me. I think that's one of the reasons she did it, because she knew it would make me happy. After we said our goodbyes, I sat there in silence as I tried to process the things that my mother had told me. What if Mulder did want kids? He would have been a great father and a great husband. He's so passionate and so loyal. My one, my everything, my soul mate. But I soon realised that this kind of thinking was ridiculous, especially in this instance. A couple of hours later I was still sitting on the sofa, until I finally made my way to bed which has been getting more difficult these days because my stomach is huge. I feel like a whale and I am definitely waddling now. Anyway, I climbed into bed clutching one of Mulder's shirts which I took without him knowing. I needed something, and it was easily pilfered during one of our nights together. I can smell his scent clinging to the peace of cloth as I hold tightly in my hands and began to cry. Damn, I was missing him so much. If there is a light at the end of the tunnel... I can't find it. I don't know if I can do this alone. I'm scared.
I need him, I love him. Thinking about him hurts so much, anyway let's change the subject.
Missy went back to DC to see Mom but mostly did it to hand in my end of lease notice on the Georgetown apartment, but what she found there she wasn't expecting. Let me elaborate.
Mulder had been virtually living in Scully's empty apartment for the last two weeks, eating sleeping... kind of. It was the only way he could think of to be close to her and what they had. Maggie bless her heart had no idea where Scully was, and he didn't want to keep putting her through the pain of all of his questions that would remain unanswered until the right time came. Scully had changed her number. Missy had blocked or was avoiding his calls. So, he had taken three weeks of ‘Vacation' time, to recharge and try to work on the X-Files but it wasn't the same, he had no one to bounce ideas off or to challenge him and he found himself slipping deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. He felt numb to everything and anyone, even though the numbness of everything he still felt anger, but not at Scully... no, he would never be angry at Scully. It was more at himself for falling in love, or specifically his love for Scully. She was the best damn thing that ever happened to him and he was angry at the fact that he missed all of the signs again.
So there he was laying aimlessly on the floor staring at the ceiling like he could burn a hole in it by just thinking and staring, when the door handle rattled because someone was putting a key in the lock and unlocking it. He immediately grabbed his gun and in the blink of an eye he was standing at the door, watching as it flew open and suddenly there stood before him a tall redhead, also known as Melissa Scully.
Both were shocked to find each other there; Missy wasn’t expecting Mulder to be there at all and Mulder wasn’t expecting to see Missy, maybe Maggie or the landlord but definitely not her. They stood there, silently, for a few minutes neither saying a word, just staring at each other.
Finally Missy broke the spell of silence.
"What are you doing here Fox?" she asked.
Mulder said nothing and carried on staring at her, so Missy tried again.
"How long have you been sleeping on Dana's living room floor?"
Still Mulder didn't answer. He was somewhat embarrassed at being caught in such a stalker-y position.
Missy looked around the room noticing a pile of clothes (dirty and clean), food wrappers and a blanket in the middle of the room. He saw the expression on her face change, from one of shock to sadness.
She sighed when she realised that he had clearly been sleeping here for at least two weeks. Mulder looked terrible; he was unshaven, slightly skinnier and then she saw the look of loneliness in his eyes. He was full of sorrow and she couldn't handle it, knowing she was a small part in why he was in this current state.
"How did you get a key?" she asked.
And finally he answered, but it came out more like a whisper...
"The building manager"
There was another long pause before he spoke again, the expression on his face never shifting from that of a broken soul, "How is she?"
"She’s good, Fox" Missy said calmly, collecting herself and staying as neutral as possible.
"Where is she?" he asked.
Missy sighed before replying, she knew where this conversation was going and had to keep her feelings about the situation on check.
"Fox, it is not my place to say where she is... it’s hers. I only came back to terminate the lease. I'll be giving the papers to the landlord and then be leaving again"
"Why did she leave?" Mulder's voice was still coming out more like a whisper, because he was trying to stop himself from breaking down and crying in front of Melissa "Why did she leave!" he asked more forcefully.
Missy could see the pain hidden behind the cool facade.
"It’s really not my place to say and I would prefer you stopped asking me"
"But you know... don’t you? You know why she left, and why she didn't tell me?"
"Tell me! Just tell me why... I need to know" Mulder's demeanour changed in a flash, he was starting to get angry.
"I can’t. I'm sorry, Fox. It's really not my place, you know I would if I could" Missy looked at him, the sound of remorse in her voice. She so desperately wanted to tell him everything, because she thought he had a right to know. She was cursing herself for ever agreeing to help in this ridiculous charade now. Dana had said it would be a one in a million chance that she would run into Mulder and now look where she was.
Mulder slowly walked towards her, his body language radiating waves of anger like nothing she had ever seen before. And it was starting to scare her but damn him if she was going to let him know that. Missy stood up straighter, and steeled herself against what was coming next.
"But you can... where is she? I need to find her! Tell me... I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I DID!" Mulder shouted, in Missy's face but she would not be intimidated into giving up her sister, not by him.
"Dammit, Melissa, just tell me!"
"No, Mulder! I will not tell you... and I suggest you pack your things and leave, right now. Do you understand me? Dana doesn't live here anymore and you have no right to be here either"
Mulder noted that she had not called him Fox before he began shouting again
"If you want me to leave, then tell me what I want to know! You’re meant to be my friend Melissa. Now tell me where she is!"
"I am your friend, Mulder. So, please don’t make me choose between our friendship and my sister, because Dana will win every time!"
"You have made your choice then, but I will find her... without your help" Mulder grabbed his stuff and stormed out of Scully's apartment (knowing that he could no longer stay there), slamming the door behind him the sound echoing in Missy ears.
"Fuck you!" Missy said, cleaning up after him.
Dammit! Why did he have to be here, and why did she agree to this?
So, as Missy explained it to me... she wasn't very happy with me. I wasn't expecting him to be sleeping in my apartment. I thought…
Dammit, I thought he would just get over it and move on with his life... after all the X-Files were his life but I should have known better. Why did he have to want and need me the way I wanted and needed him? Why was he making it so fucking hard on the both of us? I will never forget Fox William Mulder. After all, he will always be the love of my life and the father of my children. No one will ever compare to Fox 'Freaking' Mulder.
Yours Sincerely Dana
It had been seven whole weeks since Mulder had last seen Scully, which to him felt like years, maybe even a decade and he was missing her so much. He was sitting in his dark empty apartment with empty bottles of whiskey scattered around him and a half full one on his coffee table just screaming his name, there were also empty food cartons strewn around the place, and on every flat surface.
The very few pictures he had of Scully were clutched close to his chest, his head hurt like hell but his heart and soul were numb. Mulder had received a phone call from Skinner saying that Scully had just emailed in her resignation and that he had, with no other choice, accepted it.
Ever since he had seen Missy... everything had become so real. Scully had indeed left him for good and she certainly didn’t want to be found, not be him or anyone else it seems. Melissa knew both why she moved and to where but refused to tell him, and he knew, now of course, that he shouldn't have gotten so angry at her but he missed, fuck that... still misses Scully so much. He had stopped going around to Maggie's because she probably also knew by now where Scully was and would not help him either, and he didn’t want her pity nor her sorrow.
He felt truly and utterly alone. It was the life he chose after all.
Melissa and Scully were taking a leisurely stroll through Corona Heights Park, to look at the view of San Francisco spread out before them. It was somewhat warm for a mid October afternoon but not overly hot and there was nice, gentle cool breeze blowing through Scully's long grey maternity dress occasionally, causing her shoulder-length red hair to billow out in all directions around her pale freckled and slightly pink face (redden from the effort of carrying two growing babies in her enormous belly and then unseasonable warmth) and the trees were swaying, it was a calm and serene vista.
Missy had wanted to get out for a few hours, and after finding the park a couple of weeks ago, asked Scully along too. Who immediately agreed that it was a good idea, as the apartment was becoming suffocatingly small to her ever-expanding size.
She was now thirty-six weeks pregnant and radiating beauty even if she didn't feel like it. Which she didn't, in fact she felt like a whale... a whale with giant ankles and mood swings that made her unrecognisable even to herself. She had finally told Maggie, her mother, where she was and why she had left and explained it had nothing to do with Mulder and that it wasn't his fault in any way, shape or form. That it was entirely her decision, and it was made after much thought and heartbreak. Maggie wasn't exactly happy about the situation but agreed to her youngest daughters terms, not to tell Mulder and she also agreed to be Scully's second birthing partner.
Maggie had arrived yesterday and was staying with her daughters at their apartment not too far from Corona Heights Park. Rachel, her Doctor, had flown out from DC too, so she could deliver the twins when they decided to make their big entrance into the world.
Scully was taking it slow, as the weight had her waddling along like a duck these days, but she soon got tired. Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks, feeling a sharp sensation flood across her lower belly, telling herself it was nothing, that it was probably just Braxton hicks. Scully continued walking further along the path at the top of the hill. She had been getting minor pains all day, so it didn't seem unusual.
Ten minutes later, she was sitting on a park bench when she shouted for her sister, Missy.
Scully was fighting back the tears, the pain had gotten stronger and more acute as time passed. Missy was off in her own little world, communing with nature or whatever (Scully didn't care right now) and wasn’t paying attention forcing Scully to shout again to get her attention.
"Melissa Ann Scully! Get over here right... NOW!"
Missy stopped abruptly at hearing her full name and turned on her heel to look at where the noise had come from, only to see her younger sister pale as a sheet and pain evidently wrote on her face, so she ran full pelt to see what was going on.
"Dana!? Dana what’s happened? Is everything OK?"
"Yeah, I think the babies are coming. Missy, I need you to drive me to the hospital and can you please ring both Mom and Rachel, to meet us there"
"Ok… umm. I should ring them first, right? Dana?" Missy said, suddenly overwhelmed with the situation "Or should we go straight to the hospital, Dana?"
She was getting very flustered and concerned about her ability to help her younger sister through such a massive, life-altering event.
"Calm down, Miss. I don't think the babies are coming any time soon because the contractions are still too far apart. Breathe"
"I WAS breathing, and then you decided to give birth in the park"
"I'm not giving birth in the park. You're driving me to the hospital, remember?"
"The hospital. Yeah, okay! Let's go!" Missy mumbled, quickly pulling herself together and helping Scully up from the park bench and back down to the car, as best she could given the fact her sister was racked with waves of intense pain every now and then.
Missy had just turned the car on Market Street when she heard Scully wince in pain, the contractions were still ruffly ten to fifteen minutes apart, but clearly the pain was getting worse. If the gasps, cuss words and white knuckles from her sister were any indications. She had managed to get hold of their Mother and Dr Richards, they were both on their way to the hospital to meet them there. Thankfully, they had packed Scully's overnight bag for the hospital and it was already in the car (and had been for a while).
"Missy! Please... God, say we are nearly there!" Scully pleaded with her older sister, tears forming and almost spilling from the corners of her eyes.
"We are, but we're also stuck in traffic. I'm sorry. Maybe I should've taken a different route?"
"Damn! Ahh, fuck. Just... keep... driving!"
"Dana, breathe. I promise we are going to be there soon... if this traffic jam would just break and let us through" Missy's hands was gripping the steering wheel tightly, she was worried she might break it. She felt helpless and scared but she was trying to remain strong for her sister.
"Missy, please! I don’t think I can do this... not without him here! God, just make it stop. I don't want to do it anymore. I can't... what am I going to tell them when they're older? How can I ever make it up to them? Or him"
"God, Dana. I wish you would have let me tell him... so he could be here with you. He deserves to be here. And I wish I could make it stop and take the pain away... but I can’t"
Now tears were brimming on the edges of Melissa's eyes.
Miraculously, the traffic started moving again, slowly, but at least it was moving. They were halfway to the hospital at this point (Missy knew this because they had done a dry run a few weeks ago), but still that wasn’t enough to settle both of their nerves or stop her from wishing that she could take the pain away for her sister, emotional and physical at this moment.
Another contraction had come and gone, and Scully really didn't want to do this without Mulder but there was nothing that could be done now. A decision had been made, and as much as she wanted to change it, it was too late. How could she have been so stupid? How could she leave him? How could she take the opportunity to see his children being born away from him? She had been scared... and selfish, and was regretting it now. Scully's contractions were slightly closer together now, only a short eight minutes apart. She could feel tight and sharp pull of her uterus preparing itself and knew it was only going to get worse and that it would probably take hours and she already feeling so tired. Looking at her sister, she tried to distract herself watching as Missy yelled and cursed the traffic delay which made her giggle despite the pain.
They had just turned off of the extremely busy freeway and were now on the home stretch to the hospital.
Scully, Melissa, Maggie and Dr Richards (Rachel) had all arrived at the maternity unit of Zuckerberg General Hospital within a matter of minutes of each other.
Scully's private birthing suite was an absolutely gorgeous room, open and spacious with a faux dark wood linoleum floor accented with dark oak panelling on the walls with small lights built in and a comfy hospital bed placed in front of it.
There were also two single cushioned and very comfortable reclining armchairs, for visitors or in the case, Melissa and Maggie, situated in between them was a two-seater pull out sofa, all backed up against floor to ceiling windows with a breathtaking view of San Francisco. Off of the main room there was an en suite bathroom tiled with a mixture of colours (light grey, navy blue and chocolate brown) with handrails at every convenient spot, there was also a generously sized and deep bathtub.
Scully was laying on the hospital bed pillows squished behind her back, as Dr Richards began her first internal exam quickly realising that her friend and patient was barely only five centimetres dilated.
Scully wasn't happy about the slow progress but also knew that there wasn't much she could do. It was truly down to the primal urges of her body now to complete this task. She was in it for the long haul. And all she could think about was Mulder not being here, to be with her and the babies.
After the exam had been completed, Dr Richards asked Scully what pain relief she would prefer, slightly chuckling at the quick response of - Nitrous Oxide.
Rachel explained that she really wanted her to have an epidural in the rare case there was a need for emergency medical intervention. The trained medical doctor side of Scully's brain was inclined to agree but her personal side, her maternal instinct and heart overruled that, plus she wanted to be able to move about and not be confined to a bed. Dana Katherine Scully was a strong independent woman who could do this, even though she would think differently every time a contraction hit. She would stick to her plan, natural or not at all. Well, not at all... but she'd survive the pain if it came to that. Dr Richards smiled, at her friend and then left the room. Giving the family their last few hours of privacy before everything about their lives changed.
Scully had started pacing around the hospital room trying to walk off the contractions even though they were painful she really wanted to push through it and progress her labour but her mind kept wandering back to Mulder, memories of their time together and what he was now missing, because of her decisions. She couldn't think about him now, it was too much, so she shook the thoughts off and continued trying to get through this moment in time. Scully knew that she was just overly emotional with what was going on. She was so deep in thought she had not noticed that they had bought in two resuscitators and an extra cot. Missy asked what the resuscitators were for and she explained there were there in case the baby wasn't breathing, Scully sighed at Missy look of horror but a contraction came thick and heavy.
12 hours later.
Scully's waters had finally broken (thankfully, on their own) and she was now eight centimetres dilated, which meant that labour would progress quickly now.
The contractions were coming thick and fast, the pain was slowly escalating and nothing that she had ever experienced in her life up to this point compared to it. Her stomach was tight and hard, her back was sore and throbbing and the gas that she was taking before each contraction was having little effect. They had asked her if she wanted anything different to ease the pain but she refused. Scully was determined to do this but soon became enveloped by fear, and starting to feel like she was in far too deep.
1 hour later.
Scully was feeling the intense need to push, it was a weird feeling - painful and throbbing, kinda like she need the toilet but the feeling would not go away.
Two midwives had now entered the room as well as Dr Richards. They were also ready for her to start pushing.
Scully was terrified and anxious but it had all come down to this. She was alone and there was no going back now. She had to bring these perfect little humans into the world, protect them the best she could and love them, always.
"Dana, listen to me. I'm going to need you to start pushing with the next contraction, OK?" Rachel said in a clear and calm Doctor Voice.
Scully only nodded in response, gripping Melissa's hand with enormous strength. Her legs were in stirrups and then another contraction hit.
"I need you to push for 10 seconds, then stop and breathe"
Scully held her chin to her chest, scrunching her face up and pushing... and pushing into her bottom. The older of the two midwives counted to ten, the burning, searing pain was sharp and never-ending that was coursing through the lower part of her body.
"Stop pushing! Dana, you can breathe now"
Twenty minutes had gone by, nothing was happening and everyone was getting worried but no one was admitting it. Scully turned to her sister her panic rising and written on her face. Were the babies OK? Was she already failing as a mother? Why weren't they telling her what was wrong?
"Missy, I can’t do this... not without him... please" Scully demanded, face bright red from all of the pushing she was doing, sweat forming on her brow and her eyes were red and puffy from the tears streaming down her face. She was looking at her older sister, Missy, in the eyes pleading with her... begging even, because she was no longer above begging.
"Where is Mulder? I want him... NOW!" she turned to Maggie "Please Mom, I shouldn't of run away... I need him…" Scully stopped talking abruptly as a searing, burning pain (like she was on fire between her legs) started again, another contraction hitting and she pushed down with all the force she had.
"Dana, you’re crowning and on your next contraction I'm going to need you to push again. And after that... if you want to, you can feel down there... Go ahead"
Scully slipped her hand down between her legs, trying to reach around her belly for the baby and touch it's soft, sweet head. She smiled briefly, as her fingertips brushed across her quite a lot of fluffy hair.
"Can you feel baby number ones head?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah... I can... wow!" Scully breathed out. Scully didn’t care if it was covered in amniotic fluid, blood or any other mysterious liquid that was currently. She was just happy that one of her babies was finally, nearly in the world and tears of joys suddenly filled her eyes.
"Oh my god, Mom... they have hair" she said, somewhat shocked.
"Yes, sweetheart" Maggie said, proudly.
"Alright, Dana. We're going to need you to push again..." Dr Richards asked, and all Scully could do was whimper through her tears in response "I know, I know... but you're nearly there. Ready?"
Scully nodded, and squeezed Missy's hand (probably breaking it in the process) as she pushed and felt a sudden gush as the baby slipped out of her body, and the burning and the stinging stopped... momentarily and the quite room was suddenly filled with the sounds of a newborn crying and taking its first breath. Everybody let out a sigh of relief, one down... one to go.
"And we have a boy! Congratulations, Dana. Missy, are you cutting your nephews cord? " Rachel questioned. She wasn't sure who was cutting which cord, but she knew Missy and Maggie would be cutting one each, to be a part of the event. Missy's darted towards her little sister, unsure but Scully just gave her a simple nod.
She rose from the chair beside Scully, and walked closer to the hospital bed and Dr Richards and took the scissors, cutting the umbilical cord and watched as the little baby boy was placed on Scully's bare chest, his intense cries quickly turned into small whimpers and then stopped altogether.
As soon as the little boy was placed on her skin, happiness and joy overwhelmed Scully and she couldn't help but stare down at her son; his head full of red hair, eyes the that brand new dark blue and his pouty bottom lip trying to find her nipple, his skin a soft pink and touching hers, it felt exquisite, his delicate angelic little hand clutched in a little fist this was a picture of pure beauty, and the love she felt for this little human wiggling and squirming against her was undeniable. She marvelled at the life she had created with Mulder.
"We are going to need you to start pushing again, this little lady will be on her way very quickly now... and while you're helping us help you, we will wipe down, and weigh your son for you"
Scully simply nodded, still in awe of her son’s beauty.
The younger looking midwife took her son off of her chest just in time, because another contraction hit. Scully's legs were still in the air, but this contraction was more painful then the last few... it was intense and made her feel like she was about to die.
They were fierce and wrenching as her darling little girl started crowning, Scully tried to push more but she was just so tired and exhausted but she knew it was now or never and so she pushed again and in one fluid motion sharp and sudden her daughter was out.
"She's strong that little girl of yours. Congratulations, again, Dana. Maggie, I believe it's your turn to cut the cord now"
"Yes" Maggie smiled, and walked over to Rachel and cut the cord.
After a very tense moment, the room filled with the cries of her second child and everyone breathed again. Rachel quickly passed the squirming newborn to a nervous Scully and watched as tiny baby pawed at her mother's chest and suddenly stopped crying and instead started hiccuping which made everyone giggle and laugh, causing the little girl to look up directly into Scully’s eyes and blink rapidly.
Scully broke down in front of everyone, holding her daughter to her breast, whispering and wishing for Mulder to be here, so he could see this beautiful, perfect human they had both created.
"I'm sorry. I'm just a little sad that their father couldn't be here"
"It's OK. We just need to get her cleaned up now, weigh her and you've thankfully already delivered the placenta without any problems..." Rachel took the baby girl from Scully, who promptly started crying again and nodded over to Maggie and Missy crowded around her baby son "your mother is holding your son, you can have him back whenever you want"
Scully nodded, as the fatigue suddenly took over and her eyelids began to get heavy, looking at her Mom and then at Missy, she whispered "thank you" before closing her eyes.
"Oh my god, Dana, you're amazing! We'll all be here when you wake up, get some rest. I love you, so much" Missy said, praising her little sister and kissed her forehead.
Missy had gone down to the hospital cafeteria to get herself and her mother coffee and healthy banana bread for a snack. Maggie was staring, absolutely mesmerised by them, at her brand new grandchildren. They were cardboard name placeholders tapped to the single crib the twins shared together... the small blue card read - Baby Boy Scully. Born 19th October 1993. At 13.20pm and the matching pink card was practically identical save for the gender and time of birth - Baby Girl Scully. Born 19th October 1993. At 13.25pm.
just some quick notes;
Places such as park, Roads, Hospital can all be found in San Francisco,
I'm sure pictures i found did not do it justice.
On Other notes Chapter Seven is written and will be uploaded with the next
week or so.
Chapter 7: Family Where Life Begins & Love Never Ends.
Family Where Life Begins & Love Never Ends. a Journey into Motherhood.
Thank you too @icannotjustify for beta reading this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Scully woke up, slowly and groggily, to the sound of not one but two crying infants and her mind began to race with worry. Were they OK? Was something wrong with them?
She opened her eyes, sat up and looked around the room scanning it like the mama bear she was now, trying to find where the noise was coming from. She noticed her mother Maggie and sister Missy standing in the corner of the hospital room, they were each holding a baby and trying desperately to calm them both down, to no avail.
"Mom? Is everything OK? Why are they crying like that?" Scully asked, concerned.
"Yes! Everything's fine, Dana. They're just very hungry and they miss you. They miss their mom... I'm so proud of you, honey. You were so strong and brave and now you have these sweet, little babies to care for"
"Can you show me how?" Scully asked, in a small whisper as her cheeks began to flush. She felt extremely awkward and shy about asking for help but remembered that her mom had told her that she had successfully breastfed two of the four children.
Maggie walked over and placed Scully’s son in her arms, being careful to support the head before grabbing a pillow to rest under her daughter's arm and grandson.
Scully carefully lowered her top and unclipped her nursing bra, revealing her left breast.
"OK, Dana, bring him to your breast... make sure to support his neck, shoulders and back" Maggie said, clearly and calmly so Scully could follow her instructions, step by step "Now place his nose level with your nipple..." as she did, her little boy opened his mouth and latched on perfectly.
"You're a natural," Maggie said, smiling and leaving her daughter to feed her grandson in peace while she tried to help Missy with her brand new granddaughter.
Several hours Later
Missy and Maggie had left about twenty minutes ago because it was getting late, and visiting hours were over. Scully was now alone, in her private room on the maternity ward, with her two babies fast asleep in their crib next to her.
She looked at her slumbering daughter first; skin pink and soft, eyes shut showing off her long eyelashes, sweet heart shaped lips a rosy colour, she was so dainty and the way her tiny fingers opened and closed near her chubby little cheek was mesmerising and then looked over at her son, he was the mirror image of his sister except that he definitely had Mulder's nose, long legs and plump pouty bottom lip, his forehead scrunched up in thought, he looked so picturesque and pure. They were both so perfect.
Scully turned away from them, laying her head back against the large soft pillow and stared up at the boring white hospital ceiling. Her eyes were stinging from the tears unshed and her mind wandered to Mulder and what kind of father he would be (that's if he wanted to be one). She could picture his face lighting up when they called him Dada for the first time or when either of the twins took their first steps towards him, could imagine it all. They're whole lives together as a happy family but they weren't and this was all a daydream that would never become a reality and for that Scully was sorry, so very very sorry... to Mulder and their children.
She looked at her babies again one looking identical to her and one looking identical to Mulder. Scully would tell them about him; about his brilliance, his strength and his undying determination for family, compassion and loyalty. And one day if they choose to, when they were older, she would not stop them from finding him. They deserved to know their father and he deserved to know them. She can only hope that one day they would all forgive her... and that she'd be able to forgive herself for such a terrible decision made in sadness and fear.
She quickly fell asleep again... until their next feeding, in an hour or two.
12 hours later
Melissa and Maggie were back at the hospital, to help Scully out and were currently fussing over the two little ones, while their mother sued the bathroom.
Maggie looked up at her daughter, as she walked back into the room, grandson fast asleep in her arms. "Have you thought of names for these little people, who are so adorable, that we can’t keep calling them baby boy and baby girl can we, Sweetie?"
"Yes, Mom. I have chosen names" Scully answered, shaking her head.
"Wanna share with the rest of the class, Dan’s?" Melissa said with a mock sound in her voice and a smile on her lips.
"Well, I'm naming my little boy William Jeremiah. Williams first name is after both sets of grandfathers. Plus, it's also Mulder’s middle name and it just feels... right" Scully paused, looking at both of them for reactions. So far so good she thought "And I am naming my little girl Ellissa Claire, ‘Ellie' for short," she said, finishing her sentence.
"Oh... they're both such beautiful names, Dana," Maggie said looking down at the tiny baby boy all wrapped up in a blue and yellow blanket "Hello, sweet William"
Scully smiled as little William started squirming for another feed. Melissa was holding her niece Ellie, and sitting on the sofa looking out across the city of San Francisco.
The Next Day.
Maggie was sitting on a comfortable old, winged armchair in her newly acquired hotel room waiting for Scully to call and tell her that she had been discharged from the hospital, the twins were doing amazing so there was no reason they couldn't come home today. She sat there pondering the idea of phoning Mulder, not necessarily to tell him about the birth of his children even though she really wanted to tell him but to, in fact, tell him that she had indeed finally seen her daughter and that she was doing OK in her new life. She picked up the landline and dialled his home phone number, she had come to learn it from all of the times she had rung Mulder to check up on him over the past two and a half months. She was getting especially worried these last two weeks because he stopped coming around and answering the phone, she could see that he was in pain and didn't want him to do anything too drastic. The phone rang and rang until finally, she got his answering machine, letting out a small sigh before listening to the beep and leaving a message for him.
"Hello. Fox, it's Maggie. I just called to let you know that I have finally seen Dana and she is doing well, I promise. I know you miss her but you need to give her time to get her life back together before you try to contact her. Please don’t do anything you may regret later... I worry about you. I will call in a couple of days to check up on you. Goodbye for now" with all that needed to be said Maggie put the phone back down on the receiver, staring at it for a moment longer before thinking about how lucky her daughter was to have a found a man that cared enough that she had to get involved. She was feeling defeated but would not give up on him, in hope that he would not give up on himself, or on Dana and their little family.
Maggie got up to go down to the hotel restaurant but was stopped short at the door by a call from Scully to come to pick them all up from the hospital. When she asked what her daughter meant by ‘all' Scully simply said that apparently, she had actually broken a couple of Melissa's fingers. Maggie laughed quite a bit in response to that revelation.
Ten minutes later Maggie had arrived at the hospital, and walked up to Scully's room with two infant car seats in each hand, ready to take her two daughters and her two grandbabies home. She put down both car seats and strolled over to the crib to look at them, and found little William, dressed in a fluffy white all in one button up onesie, with a grey alien on it with the words "I am going home" printed underneath, Maggie smiled as she picked him up and rocked him back and forth in her arms and looked over at Scully who was in the middle of feeding Ellissa.
"Honey, who brought William’s outfit?" Maggie questioned, curious.
"Mulder" Scully answered, smiling but there was an obvious sadness behind her blue eyes.
She gave her daughter a puzzled look "But I don’t understand, why did buy it if he didn’t…"
"It's a long story mom but the gist of it is, he thought he brought it for a friend of mine and I ended up keeping it," Scully said, cutting her mother off before the conversation became too much emotionally.
"Oh, OK" Maggie was still confused by the whole situation but didn’t want to push the matter any further for fear of upsetting her daughter.
Scully looked away, the memory of the conversation she had had with Mulder flooding her mind. He had bought two matching outfits for her ‘friend’ and she asked "why?" and his reply was "I thought they were cute and it's a nice gift" then quickly added "plus the aliens are the right colour" and Scully had hidden a giggle at the time. She smiled now, as she looked down at her beautiful little girl with her brown hair, blue eyes and pale skin.
Ellissa sighed, letting Scully’s nipple go with an audible pop before closing her eyes and falling asleep. She looked over at her Mom, who had already put William in one of the car seats and was happily snoozing away too. Scully quickly fastened the latch on her bra and pulled her top up, and passed her Ellie to her Maggie for her to strap in the other car seat, while she got her belongings together and re-packed her bag to go home.
When everything was all packed, Missy picked up the car seat cradling William with her good hand while Maggie opened the door and carried the bags. Scully took one last look around the hospital room, picked up the car seat Ellie was in a blissful look on her little face, and then looked down at her daughter, whispering "I’m sorry your dad isn’t here, sweet girl... but I love you so much. Let’s go home" and walked out of the hospital room softly closing the door behind her, so she didn't wake the babies up.
November 1993, one month later
Ellissa and William were almost to one month old now and things had been very eventful over the past month. The first few days after bringing them both home from the hospital, there were constant feedings and absolutely no sleep for Scully but she quickly adjusted to this new life. And Maggie helped where she could, especially for the first few days while Melissa recovered from her hand injury bur after a week of staying with her two daughters she had to leave San Francisco and go back to DC.
Scully was trying her very best to get out of the apartment, as often as she could, with the twins while Missy spent her days at work to help pay for their new life in San Francisco. She often took them to the local park, even though they weren't old enough to go on any of the play equipment yet, it was still nice to spend time outside in the fresh, crisp and clean winter air with hints of cinnamon and coffee from the local street vendor situated in the middle of the park.
On this particular day, Ellie was fast asleep in her bassinet of the double baby buggy pram but William was starting to stir in the bassinet next to his little sister. Scully looked around and found the nearest bench so she could sit down, pick up her infant son and give him some much needed cuddles. As soon as William was against Scully’s chest she could feel the warmth of his heartbeat, and new baby smell which was mixed lavender, she thought could easily get addicted to that smell if she let herself. He slowly stopped squirming against her and closed his eyes lulled by his mother's heartbeat against his own.
Scully sat there thinking about how her life had changed so much in the last year, she thought about how much her children were changing before her eyes and had already changed so much since their birth a month ago. It felt like only yesterday they were born and now they were looking at faces, cooing with "ooh" and "ahhs" and she even got her very first real smile out of Ellie yesterday which warmed her heart and made it swell with contentment. She suddenly noticed time had got away from her and put William back in the bassinet and walk them back home.
December 1993; the twins are two months old .
Scully arrived at Maggie's house with Melissa and the twins in tow, they had all flown back east for the Christmas holidays.
The six hour journey across the country was "fun" both babies screaming because of the initial pressure in the cabin but soon, thanks to a lovely older woman named Dorothy, Scully found that if you rub the soft spot behind the babies ear it helps soothe them.
When Scully and Missy attempted it on both babies, they stopped crying almost immediately and slept through the last four hours of the trip AND the cab ride from the airport to her mother's but the twins were wide awake and very active just in time to see grandma again.
A couple of days later, Maggie and Scully were sitting on the carpet in front of the 6ft Christmas tree with red, green and gold baubles and silver tinsel and twinkly lights wrapped around it with a delicate gold painted wooden Angel on top, with an open fire flickering nearby (a metal fire guard up so Will and Ellie didn't get anywhere near it).
Missy was out doing the last minute Christmas shopping that needed to be done for the Scully family feast. The twins were fast asleep in a bassinet together (they slept better together Scully had found) while Scully and her mother were talking about what had been going on since they last saw each other.
"How have the twins been? They seem very active, Dana" Maggie mused.
"Yeah, they are... they started sleeping better when I put them in the same crib and have started accepting bottles from Melissa now, which she is happy about because she enjoys spending time with them" Scully said, smiling at the memory of the first time Melissa got William to accept a bottle without her help.
"Oh, I bet she was. You probably don't remember this but Missy wanted to be your mom when we first brought you home, she would follow me everywhere and tell our church friends that you were hers and they had to ask to hold you"
"I didn't know that. Wow, that really changed when we grew up, huh?"
"Yes, that happens with sisters but you're best friends now. Are you still breastfeeding, Dana?"
"I am... and I pump when I can, of course," Scully answered.
"That’s good, sweetheart. I assume Ellie and Will meeting their milestones on time?"
"Yes, Mom, they are. William..." she put emphasis on his full name because Missy kept calling him Will and her mom had picked it up "is responding to my voice now and smiling, he is also trying to hold his head up occasionally. Ellie is gurgling and cooing in her own sweet language, I sometimes wonder if they understand each other... the looks they share. Oh, and she also smiles and responds to my voice, too"
"That's brilliant news" Maggie beamed, causing Scully to smile (teeth and all) at the compliment on her ability " I also see my grandchildren are starting to look like each of their parents"
"What do you mean mom?" Scully asked, puzzled by the comment.
"Do you really not see it, Dana?" Scully shook her head, so Maggie continued "Well, Will has your lovely red hair and your gorgeous big blue eyes... and Ellie has quite a large quantity of brown hair on her sweet little head and I swear I can see her eye colour changing too"
"What? Don’t be ridiculous, mom!" Scully let out a small, semi-annoyed huff.
Scully didn't want to talk or think about him right now, it was hard enough to look at them every day and not want to break down in tears, without having it pointed out.
Maggie could see her daughter physically wince at the thought of Mulder but she would never lie to her, even if it made it her uncomfortable.
"Sorry, it's just that... well, I spoke to him the other day. I think he's OK, he might be a little lost right now... but OK" Maggie smiled weakly at her daughter trying to reassure Scully, though they both knew she was lying. It was the thought that counted.
Maggie could see her daughter's eyes were fighting back eminent tears and felt kind of bad but it was better that she knew. Dana gave her a small smile, then got up and wandered over to watch her slumbering children for a moment, and if she were being honest she needed a second to pull herself together.
A few days later it was finally Christmas.
Maggie, Bill, Tara, Melissa was holding Ellie and Charlie was on the floor watching William wriggle on a soft Sesame Street play mat, were all sitting around the living room opening up presents. The twins were dressed up in Christmas outfits; Ellie was in a little red tulle dress and William was in a matching little red Santa suit and both outfits had the words 'my first Christmas' written on them.
Everybody kept fussing over the twins, especially the women of the family. It was the first that Tara was meeting them, and Maggie and Melissa were gushing about how clever they both were.
Bill had asked on several occasion about the father of the twins; Scully had said it was complicated and ignored the snide remarks about being unwed and the children not having a dad or a proper family to be raised in. She was going to enjoy her first Christmas as a mother, no matter what.
The twins were given plenty of presents, in fact way more than Scully knew what to do with. Ellie kept reaching for the wrapping paper and putting it up to her mouth, attempting to suck on it. William was very relaxed, he was just looking around at everyone confused about all of the fuss that was being made about this day. Maggie managed to record everything on videotape and when the present were done, the food was consumed... everyone had retreated to their respective rooms.
Scully was laying on her childhood bed thinking about Mulder and what he was currently missing out on. She also wondered what he would be doing this Christmas in her absence, if anything at all. Scully sighed, closed her eyes and fell into a fruitful slumber.
January 1994; the twins are now three months old.
Scully was bouncing Ellie on her lap, listening for her sweet little laugh that had started happening a few days ago, and would now happen every time she bounced her daughter. It had become addictive, even more so when William would join in. There was something magical about the sound of both of her children giggling. It made her ache inside with happiness.
One bounce, two bounce... laugh. One bounce, two bounce... laugh.
Scully looked down at her daughter, who was the spitting image of Mulder now; her eyes had turned from a light blue to hazel colour, her curly auburn hair was just past her long eyelashes, and it all stood out against her extremely pale skin.
Scully bounced Ellie a couple more time before Will began to cry out for her attention.
"Okay sweetie, mommy has to go get your brother quickly but then I will be right back" Scully cooed, as her daughter looked up at her confused when she put her down in the playpen with a few soft and educational toys.
Scully went to retrieve William, who was screaming bloody murder down the corridor in their shared bedroom.
"Hi, little man. I take it you've woken up hungry. Let's see what we can do something about that, shall we?" Scully said, picking William up and started singing to calm him down until she could feed him. "Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said... but I helped him a-drink his wine"
William stared up at his mom's face, smiling and then laughed at her bad singing but it kept him from crying and so she carried on
"And he always had some mighty fine wine. Singin'... joy to the world, all the boys and girls now, joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me"
Scully was still singing as she walked through the hallway and back to the living room, sitting herself down holding William as she undid her top, plus her bra and started feeding. She carried on singing when she noticed Ellie smiling at them from her spot on the floor of the playpen.
February 1994; the twins are now 4 months old.
Scully's birthday arrived. She took the babies to visit her mom for the week, leaving her sister Melissa at home because they needed a break from each other as they were stepping on each other toes.
William and Ellissa dealt with the flight much better this time around, now that they were a little bit older and they had toys to distract and keep them happy while in the air.
William had just cut his first tooth which was a nightmare in itself and Ellie was nearly there but still a little ways off.
When they arrived at the airport, Scully placed them in their stroller to claim their luggage and then got a cab to her mom's. It was late evening when they reached her childhood home but the twins were still very active and Maggie played peek-a-boo with Ellie making her giggle, as soon as William heard his sister he joined in which made Scully and her mother laugh too.
Several hours went by of Maggie playing with the twins.
Scully had just given them both a bath, fed and changed them, placing them in there travel cots and was about to read them a story even if they didn’t understand it much.
Maggie was standing in the hallway listening to her daughter tell the story.
"Once upon a time, there was a very handsome prince called Fox..."
"Da-Da" William babbled, adorably.
"Yes, baby. Da-Da" Scully said, running a finger across his chubby little cheek.
Maggie was surprised, because she hadn’t heard either of the twins actually say a word until now but stayed quiet and carried on listening to Scully.
"He was lonely and heartbroken, because he had lost his sister to another magical kingdom in their realm and he hadn't seen or heard from her in many, many, years. One day a beautiful princess was riding through his kingdom but her horse was sick and she asked the prince for his help, but he was too stubborn to help her and refused to look at her, telling his servant she could stay the night but that she wasn't allowed to bother him. What she didn't know, was when she turned her back he looked at her and realised how pretty she was... but before he could speak she was gone" Scully looked down at the babies. William was fast asleep but Ellissa was still listening and looking at her with wide, curious eyes "The very next morning the princess got up and went to breakfast, but the prince Fox stopped her in the Hallway and said ‘Sorry my milady, I was very rude to you last night' and she answered ‘It's fine Lord Fox, I accept your apology'. She smiled at him and he looked at her in a way no one has ever looked at her before but she couldn't explain why and then he spoke again ‘You can stay as long as you need while your horse recovers, I will send a squire for the veterinarian' she replied with a polite ‘Thank you, Lord Fox,. You are too kind'. ‘What is your name milady?' the prince replied causing the beautiful princess to smile and tell him that her name was ‘Katherine'"
Scully sighed and stopped talking, looking down at both her babies again and realised that Ellie was asleep now, so she quietly pulled the wool blanket over her children to keep them warm.
Maggie quickly walked over to her room, quietly shutting the door so she wasn't caught eavesdropping on such a private moment.
Scully heard the door to her mother's bedroom close but didn't dwell on it. She was tired so she left the babies room and walked into her own while stripping off her clothes and changing into her pyjamas, a blue silk short and tank top set and slid under the covers on her bed. She lay there staring out of the small window to her right looking at the dark sky and glowing stars, tomorrow was her birthday which meant a whole year had gone by since she had first met Fox William Mulder (the man of her dreams, the father of her children, her soul mate). It was the day that changed her life... for the better.
She began to remember that night, the intensity of it, the way she took control.
Standing on her tiptoes as she placed her mouth against his and he in turn pushing her against the wall, his hands gripping her hips roughly. Could remember feeling his erection against her inner thigh, opening her mouth to let his tongue slid against hers.
Oh god, what that man could do with his tongue was amazing all of those sunflower seeds coming into practice. She felt a fresh wave of dampness pooling between her legs, looking around she was grateful that the door was closed, that the twins were asleep and could she really do this in her childhood bedroom with her mom opposite and her children next door. It had been so long since she even felt like this, her heart was thumping loudly in her chest, sweat from anticipation forming on her cold skin. She slowly slid her hand under her top moving it slowly across her skin as she mimicked his movements from that night, imagining they were his hands
running lines on the underside of her breasts and then moving up towards her nipples, becoming hard under his touch, rubbing them... flicking and toying with them, tongue circling each nipple with feather like touches, nipping at it as the fingers on his other hand rolled the nipple so it didn't feel left out of the fun, switching between them and repeating the same process over again.
Scully's breathing became erratic, her breasts were pretty sensitive already but since getting pregnant and breastfeeding they were even more so. She knew it wouldn't take long now, she moved her hand down from her breast down her stomach, slipping her delicate hand underneath the hem of her silk pyjama shorts AND her panties finding herself hot, sticky and swollen immediately dipping her finger in and around her outer lips imagining it was him
cock slowly sliding through her arousal before finding her entrance, sliding in... out, in and out, walls clutching him in her warmth like a vice
She always felt complete with him inside her
slipping in and out, her walls contracting and tightening, a signal for him to go harder and faster
Her finger moving faster and faster against her clit, bringing herself to climax she bit her lip breaking the skin and tasting the blood in her mouth as the ecstasy of release washed over her body, her nerves on fire. It felt amazing but it wasn’t enough, she wanted him and only him. She grabbed a couple of tissues to quickly clean up the mess before falling asleep.
Scully was woken up by the sounds of Ellie wanting to be fed but soon heard her mother's bedroom door opening and then the crying stopped. She could hear Maggie whisper
"Shh, sweet girl. Let’s get you changed, do you want some milk... and then we'll go see mommy, huh?"
She sighed, her head falling back on her pillow. Today was her birthday, and she was going to try her very best to be happy, for herself and the twins.
Thirty minutes later, Scully slowly walked down the stairs in a pair of jeans and a black cotton tank top with a sweater tied around her waist. Maggie looked towards the stairs, noticing daughter and looked back at the twins.
"Look who's here..." Maggie cooed at her grandchildren "They've been feed and we just about had tummy time" she directed at Scully.
"Thank you, Mom" Scully smiled and walked into the living room.
William and Ellissa spent the next few hours trying to impress their grandma by doing mini push-ups and attempting to lift their heads up to look around the large room.
Maggie had baked a cake the day before and went to get it from the fridge, she came back with it a minute later, singing Happy Birthday which the twins thought it was very amusing and watched as Scully blew out the candle, making a secret wish. After they ate some cake, she spent time playing with Ellie and William before beginning their nighttime routine, which involved Scully bathing, feeding, changing them and putting them in separate travel cots before continuing her fairy tale story from the night before.
"Katherine had been staying at Lord Fox' Castle for a couple of days now. And even though when they'd first met she thought he was a big bad meanie, she very quickly ended up becoming his friend. Sadly, her treasured horse, Queequeg, was not getting better but actually much worse as the days passed. Lord Fox asked if the princess wanted another horse but she explained this one meant a lot to her as it was from her parents. Days turned into weeks, and she didn't realise just how much she was falling in love with the prince, she came to call her best friend... well, not until one special day when they were having a picnic in the royal gardens, his chestnut hair caught the sun and she admired him more then she should. Their hands touched for the very first time that day an electricity sparked between them. She did not think it was wise to act on her feelings not unless he was willing to marry her. More weeks passed and they grew closer and closer. So close, that Katherine's... Mother and Father came down from their kingdom by the sea to meet Lord Fox. They liked him just as much as the young princess did, soon after they arrived the prince asked her father's permission for her hand in marriage and he approved. The very next day he proposed and two weeks after that there were married in a beautiful wedding, full of golds, silver and flowers. It was like something out of dream, the princess and prince were so happy they were finally together and that nothing would ever stand in there way. And they lived happily ever after" Scully finished, releasing both children were sleeping. She soon drifted off in the rocking chair holding a hand out to each of them. Scully needed to feel connected to Mulder, and their beautiful babies were the perfect way to make that connection.
April 1994, the twins are now 5 and half months old.
Spring was finally in the air, turning cold days into slightly warmer ones and daffodils were starting to bloom and Easter was just around the corner.
Scully had been attending bounce and rhyme and story time session at the local library which consisted of reciting simple songs and nursery rhymes with William and Ellissa.
She found it was a really good way to meet other parents and a good opportunity for the babies to mix socially with other children their age, to learn new things in an educational environment... and it made her feel less alone. Ellie and Will were doing amazing, hitting all of their milestones head on.
William had just started rolling over from his tummy onto his back (Ellie had been doing it for a few weeks) and they were both now supporting the own heads and sitting up with cushions. Will appeared to have a fascination with eating his feet and toes while Ellie, on the other hand, kept giving him disgusted looks. They babbled frequently in their own little alien twin language, and they could now both say the word "Dada". Scully thought it was cute that they knew who he was, but it also hurt because he wasn't there and she was starting to miss him terribly. Over time she briefly even contemplated moving back to DC or possibly ringing him and asking for his forgiveness but thought better of it as time went on.
Scully was looking forward to their first Easter together. She wanted to celebrate by getting Melissa to dress up as an Easter bunny but was told in polite terms "to fudge off" because the only bunny she was dressing up as was the slutty version but that wasn't going to stop Scully. Maggie was coming to visit from DC, so they could go to Easter Mass together, as a family and then hide little chocolate eggs around the house and go hunting for them, but not too much chocolate because she didn’t want either of them getting a sugar rush, that was the last thing she needed. William and Elissa were already rambunctious enough as it was.
May 1994, the twins are now 6 months old.
Scully, Ellie, William and Melissa had all gone down to see Maggie for the weekend.
Maggie and Missy had gone grocery shopping for some much needed food because the twins were starting solids.
Maggie was making small containers worth of sweet potato and veggie mash and various fruit purees, amongst other delicious things for them to try and hopefully enjoy.
Scully was getting the twins ready, putting on there light jackets and baby shoes.
Ellie was dressed in a pale yellow springtime dress with a small ¾ white cardigan, while William was in a pair of light blue jeans with a pale yellow t-shirt with a small grey alien on the front. Scully was really into matching baby clothes, and did her best to have them in a similar style.
"Hey! Ellie, stop hitting your brother... I need to get his coat on and it’s not very nice"
Ellissa smiled sweetly at her mother and proceed to try and hit him again.
"Ellissa Claire! I said... NO!"
The little girl looked up at her mom with tears forming in her eyes and started to cry
"Oh, Ellie..." Scully picked William up and placed him in the double stroller and strapping him in, she gave him a toy to keep him entertained "Shh. Everything's okay, sweetie. I'm sorry, mommy didn't mean to shout. It's just not very nice to hit your big brother, or anyone else. It hurts, OK?" she apologised. Ellissa looked up at her mother, snuggled into her chest and slowly stopped crying.
Scully took that as her cue to put her in the stroller and go for a walk in the park.
Meanwhile same time outside and a couple of doors down from Maggie's house;
Fox Mulder was sitting in his government issued silver sedan which was full of empty food wrappers, aeroplane sized whisky bottles and some dirty clothes. He was planning to visit Maggie a couple of days ago but what he saw, he definitely was not expecting. Now he sat there staring out of the windscreen into the empty street remembering what had happened.
Mulder had just got out of his car from the space where he parked a couple of doors down from his normal spot just in case Scully suddenly turned up because he didn't want her to recognise the car and run away again. He was just one door down from Maggie's house when a taxi pulled up onto the driveway and through the window, he spotted her familiar red hair, so he quickly darted behind the biggest bush he could see and watched on.
Melissa got out the taxi, immediately went to the trunk carrying the luggage and there was so much of it for only two people. Next out was a small beautiful exquisite redhead and that’s when he realised it was Scully, it was his Scully and his heart began to pound in his chest, blood pressure going from zero to a hundred in about 30 seconds. She was as beautiful as ever, hadn’t changed a bit in the months they'd been apart. He had an urge to run to her and wrap his arms around her, but he forced himself to stay perfectly still, not to make a sound and continued watching the scene in front of him.
Melissa hurried inside with bags in tow, as Scully leaned inside the taxi, he could not stop smiling or staring at her ass, so perfect so round he shook his head trying not to think like that. because his jeans were becoming uncomfortable, stirring a deep longing desire for her to fill her completely and never let her go, again.
He couldn't see what she was doing inside the taxi but less than five minutes had passed and Scully pulled out a car seat with a small infant inside sleeping the day way. She carefully placed the occupied car seat on the grass, before reaching back into the taxi to remove another car seat with yet another sleeping infant in. Mulder noticed that one of the small babies had red hair and thought "Wow, Melissa's had twins" he wasn’t really expecting that, she didn’t even look pregnant when he saw her last in DC. Mind you, he was too angry at her to even notice if she was or wasn’t. Obviously, he had missed it. He watched Scully with curious eyes as she picked up both car seats with each hand and wandered inside her mother's house. He couldn’t see Maggie, not now that Scully was there. Mulder didn’t want her to run, this was not the best time so he left his hiding spot and bolted back to his car, jumping in and speeding back home.
Mulder was soon brought back to reality when he heard Scully singing "Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said, But I helped him drink his wine" he quickly ducked down out of view and carried on listening to what was happening outside. He heard laughing and babbling come from two small infants and quickly realised she was taking her niece and nephew out.
Scully started singing again "Joy to the world, all the boys and girls now. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me!" and he heard more giggling and laughing and the sound of stroller wheels moving in the distance.
Mulder's mind was made up he had to follow her, had to see her and speak to her. So he waited five minutes before, exiting his car and following her down the street as quietly as he could.
He followed them to the nearby park, remaining out of sight the whole time but close enough that he could hear everything.
Scully picked up the little girl, hung a blanket on the swing and placed her inside and repeated the process, unclasping the little boy from the stroller and placing a blanket behind the little boy in the baby swing opposite and slowly swinging them both, one at a time and making sure not to get to high. The infants were laughing and squealing with delight as Scully them and Mulder took a moment to enjoy watching the view before him. Scully was laughing and enjoying herself with these two babies, and suddenly couldn't shake the feeling of what if this was what he could have had with her. The dream suddenly springing into his mind, the one of him and Scully and their daughter... of them, as a family playing and running around in a field, in the midsummer sun carefree and not being chased by monsters or ghouls.
He kept staring at these two little children; the little boy coincidentally looked identical to Charlie as a child with the red hair and big blue eyes and turned his attention to the little girl with long brown hair and hazel eyes, not quite green and not blue either.
Mulder was brought out of his reverie, when the little girl looked directly at him and felt his hair stand on end, it felt like she was looking into his soul and then she spoke to him.
Mulder looked at this child and thought "Wait, what did she say? Why does she think I'm her dad? Why does Melissa's daughter think I'm her dad? Maybe I just look like her dad? It was possible! He kept staring at this little girl, fixated on her but then he saw Scully move towards the little girl so he quickly hid again and continued to listen.
"I’m sorry, sweetie. But your daddy’s not here, remember?"
"Ellissa, your Dada's not here... he doesn't even live around here," Scully said, trying not to get emotional.
Mulder could hear the way Scully's voice wavered, as she spoke to this little girl and if he didn’t know any better he would say it sounded like she was about to cry or was already crying.
"Yes, baby. I’m here..."
Listening to this a shock wave hit Mulder. There's no way he could've of heard that right, silently pleading with this adorable little girl to say it again.
"Can you say Mama again, Ellissa?"
"Good job, baby. Mama's right here and she's not going anywhere"
OH MY GOD, this cannot be happening Mulder thought. The realisation hitting him like a 40-ton Mack truck, they weren't Melissa children at all.... they were Scully's. It all made sense now, she was unfaithful and was sleeping with someone one else. It's why she moved away and didn't want anything to do with him. She'd gotten pregnant and had given birth. Scully had children! Mulder was suddenly very angry and upset that she had lied to him, because he trusted her. She had told him that she loved him and it was a lie.
Looking up, he saw Scully turn around to look at where Ellie had been saying "Da-Da" and darted out from his hiding spot leaving the park, mind in anguished turmoil and heartbreaking and bleeding in his chest. But he needed to know more, needed answers to his long list of questions about what had happened and why and if Scully wasn't going to answer them, not that he trusted her now anyway not after what she had done to him. Well, he was going to get answers regardless, so he pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and dialled speed dial number two.
"Frohike, it's me. Turn the tape off... NOW!"
To be continued...
So What a cliffhanger,
as all ways thank you for reading and reviewing.
Find me at @SerahSanguine on both Tumblr/Twitter.
Chapter 8: The Burning Question.
so following directly after last chapter
Thank you @@icannotjustify for the beta reading.
sorry it has been such a long time in between chapters
It has been a whirlwind in life for me on plus side I have seen and meet Gillian in all about Eve
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
"Hey, what’s up G-Man?" Frohike said while cooking up some Huevos Rancheros for himself, Langley and Byers as an afternoon snack. The cast iron skillet was sizzling with oil and he carefully placed six eggs in, then added peppers, tomatoes and beans.
"I need you to hack some medical records for me, ASAP" Mulder growled down the line, staring at Scully and her children.
"Yeah, no problem, whose medical records?"
"Scully’s" Mulder sighed.
"Whoa, whoa... why?" Frohike questioned, sprinkle some chilli powder on the omelette.
"It doesn't matter why. Can you do it or not, Frohike?"
"Yes, of course. We’ll get on it now."
Mulder hung the phone up and shoved it in his pocket; he was so angry... at himself, at Scully, at Melissa, at everyone. Dammit, how could he have been so stupid? So fucking stupid. He fucking loved a woman that had quite obviously cheated on him, ran away for him and left her job as his FBI partner. He felt like such a damn fool. He started walking quickly back to his car, just around the corner from the park, as soon as Scully was nowhere in sight.
Dark grey clouds started floating over the beautiful blue May sky, little raindrops falling from above but he was so lost in his mind that he didn’t realise; thoughts of Scully but more importantly he could not get passed her children... a little boy, all pale complexion with beautiful blue eyes and fiery red hair and a slightly more plump little girl with long brown chestnut hair and greenish-blue eyes. She looked so much like Samantha but this was not possible, neither child was his. Maybe when the little one called out dad she was mistaken, perhaps her real father looked like him.
He hadn’t been able to get the dream of him, Scully and their little family out of his head, even though he hadn’t wanted a family - well, not until this dream played on a loop in his subconscious, playing out numerous different happy family scenarios.
Mulder dreamt of their first Christmas together with lots of presents under the tree and him dressing up as santa, making his girls laugh. God, he loved to make Scully laugh. He dreamt of his daughter's first steps, first words. Suddenly, tears were streaming down his face and mixing with the rainwater as he reached his car, unlocked it and put the key in the ignition.
He realised he needed a stiff drink of alcohol to forget this day, forget what he saw, forget his life just for a little while, so he drove to the nearest D.C. bar.
The Next day
Mulder woke up face down on his leather sofa, still in the clothes he was wearing from the day before with empty liquor bottles everywhere and dirty clothes as far as the eye can see.
The sun was shining full force through the window, he looked up and groaned - his head hurt and his throat was sore. He had drunk his body weight three times over before getting home and then drinking some more just to make sure he got the job done.
He rolled over, swinging his legs off the sofa and planting his feet firmly on the floor and just sat there contemplating what to do next for a minute, he needed a plan but he couldn’t think straight with this epic hangover pulsing through his body.
He needed some coffee, painkillers and a hot shower immediately.
Mulder looked down at his clothes, absolutely disgusted, that he had slept in the clothes from the day before. They now stuck to his body, clinging to him from the sweat that had built up during the night, getting up he swayed on his legs ever so slightly but quickly regained his balance before walking over and turning on the coffee machine, grabbing two Advil out of the cupboard along with a glass of water. He swallowed the pills, moaning because his throat felt like sandpaper.
What the fuck had he got up to last night? It was all a bit of a blur at the moment.
He walked through to the bathroom, discarding his clothes along the way, before getting into the shower and turning it on to wash away the side effects of the night before.
One hour later: Mulder had put on some clean-ish clothes and was now sitting at his desk contemplating what to do, while drinking coffee and waiting for the information to come back from the Lone Gunmen.
Staring into his PC monitor, he tried to put things in order of his brain, when suddenly it hit him his bright idea like an epiphany of sorts, grabbing his mobile, keys and jacket before heading out the door and drove to Maggie's house, parking his normal spot before ringing Melissa Scully.
Melissa was playing peek a boo with the twins watching them laugh and smile while Scully sat on her mom's sofa drinking a small cup of tea when suddenly Melissa's phone rang - unknown number appearing on the screen.
"Melissa. It’s Mulder, can you talk?"
Scully sat there looking at her sister mouthing ‘Who is it?'. Melissa looked back at her sister with a startling impression on her face and mouthed back ‘Mul-der ’. Scully gave her a look that said take it outside before the twins made some noise.
"Of course, give me a minute? I just need to go outside where it's... quiet"
"Okay" Mulder mumbled, trying to hold back his emotions.
Melissa wandered outside, closing the front door behind herself, and sat down on the bench in her mom’s garden just underneath the front window. And without knowing it she was now in the direct eye line of Mulder, who was sitting in his car across the street.
"How are you, Mulder?" Melissa asked, her patented kindness on show.
"I’m fine" Missy could tell that Mulder was lying but didn't push the subject "I was wondering if we could meet up somewhere when your back in D.C." he asked.
"I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, after the last encounter we had. You scared me, Mulder"
"I know, and you’re probably right... but I want to apologize for my behaviour" and ask about those children I saw your sister with at the park, he wanted to add but stopped himself.
"OK, but it has to be somewhere public..."
"That's fine by me. How about you meet me at 'The Sheppard' and you decide the date and time" Mulder interrupted, not wanting to give up on a meeting that could give him the answers to all of the questions in his mind right now.
"The Sheppard works. Say this Thursday... at 7 o'clock?" Melissa offered.
"OK, see you then" Mulder agreed.
Both hung up at the exact same time. Mulder watched Missy as Scully opened the front door with the little girl on her hip and stepped backwards to her sister could come back into the house. Now that the time and date was set; the first part of his plan was achieved. Just two more days until he finally got some answers. Mulder drove off in the direction of the Hoover building.
Meanwhile, the moment Missy stepped through the door she took Elissa from Scully and wrapped herself in her niece' embrace before letting out a small sigh before answering any and all questions by her mother and sister that were likely to be headed her way any minute now.
The Sheppard 7 pm Thursday
Mulder sat at the bar, nursing a beer he had bought twenty minutes ago, he wanted to be sober when this conversation happened. But his mind was screaming for him to be drunk, he was doing the right thing he definitely needed to be calm and collected, needed to know everything about those children he saw with Scully... needed to know if they were his.
It had been all he could think about for the past two days. Work, as usual, was unproductive and Skinner even sent him home, having become tired of the brooding and angry vibes coming off of him in waves.
A few minutes later he saw a bounce of red hair come through the door, looking up what he saw unnerved him. It wasn't Melissa like he was expecting it to be. No, who he saw was more petite than her. It was Scully (his Scully) with her glowing crimson hair and deep blue eyes that had walked into the bar.
Mulder was shocked, to say the least, and it certainly was an unexpected turn of events but it gave him hope that he would actually get the answers he was looking for... straight from the source.
Scully walked over to him wearing casual dark jeans and a white blouse with a thin light jacket over the top. She looked amazing even though he had seen her just a few days ago. She would always take his breath away, he thought.
She sat down next to him quickly ordering a diet coke and looked up at him, shyly.
‘I know you weren't expecting me, but I hope you don't mind that I've come in Missy's place"
Well, yes actually I do mind! This would've been a damn sight easier if it was Melissa, Mulder thought but what he actually said was "No, I don't mind. It's nice to see you, you look good. You've changed"
"Yes. A lot has changed since..." Scully trailed off not finishing the sentence as she could not bring herself to say the words - I left without telling you why. No, I ran away like a scared child... taking your kids with me.
"Care to tell me what has changed in your life?" God, he sounds like a asshole right now but he wanted her to say it, to admit to something. When did speaking to her become so damn hard?
"Nothing... well, nothing important anyway" a brief awkward silence fell upon them, until Mulder realised she wasn't going to say anything so he just had to man up and ask and see where it went from there even if it terrified him.
"So, you've been in D.C. for a couple of days then?" Mulder thought he sounded smooth and casual but he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
"I have..." How could he know? What if he saw me with the twins? What if.. oh god. I don't think I can do this. What if he asks about them? "Why?" Scully wondered out loud.
"Well," How am I going to bring this up? Just blurt it out or dance around the fact? Then Scully looked at him with her eyebrow raised as if to continue the sentence "I saw you. Umm, the other day... at the park... with two small children"
Before Mulder could even get out the next part of his question Scully interrupted him.
"They aren't mine, Mulder. They're Melissa's kids... she came back from California with them. Completely freaked Mom out, it was actually kind of funny"
"Don't lie to me! Scully, we both know you're better than that... or at least you used to be" Mulder spat, a hint of aggression in his voice now. He hated being lied to especially by Scully and especially after everything she had done to him, he just wanted the truth. That's all.
"I heard them. I saw them, Scully. They're yours, I know they are. So, just tell me the truth"
"Yes," She took a deep breath in, willing herself to stay calm and be honest with him "They are mine"
Finally, the truth! It's all he has wanted. His whole life, ever since losing Samantha. It was all about finding the truth. He looked down at his beer on the bar top. He needed to push her just a little further, that all important burning question on his lips. "Are they mine?"
Mulder looked at her and knew without a doubt that she was lying, and she knew that he knew that too. Plus, she was way to quick and resolute with her answer... too quick on the mark as they say, to indifferent about the whole situation.
"Don't fucking lie to me, Dana! The little girl... she is the spitting image of my sister, Samantha. I want to see them, I want to get to know them. They deserve to know their father, don't you think?" Mulder knew that he was raising his voice but he didn't care right now. Scully was lying straight to his face, and refusing to admit what they both know - that he is their father.
"No! Mulder, stop!" Scully stood up, paid for her drink and walked away. Mulder quickly thumbed through his wallet putting a 20 dollar bill on the bar and running after her.
"Scully, they're my children too. You can't deny me the chance to see my own flesh and blood!"
Scully didn't look at him as she got up and walked towards the door. She didn't turn around when he called her name in the most heartbreaking anguish she had ever heard. So, he made him turn around, by grabbing her wrist and spinning her around so he could see her face.
"Dammit, Scully! I want to know my children... I have a right to see them" Mulder was still shouting. He was so damn angry at her for not letting him see his own children! He wanted to see them, wanted to get to know... wanted them to have a different relationship with him that he had with his own parents.
"No, now let me go!"
"Scully, please! I want to see them, just let me see them... once!"
"No, Mulder. Let go of me... NOW!" Scully demanded, trying to yank her wrist free and leaving the bar... to get away from Mulder.
"Fuck you, Scully!" Mulder screamed back before bending down and kissing her. It came out of nowhere, just an impulse... no thinking required. Just do!
As soon as his lips touched hers it was like magic and fireworks exploding between them.
She opened his mouth more with her own and their tongues touched for the first time in more than a year. She had missed him as much as he had missed her but she was so lost and everything was a mess. What was she doing? No, she shouldn't be doing this! Not now!
Scully pulled back, raising her hand to his face - the impact of the hit nearly knocked him off his feet. And the sound it made, you could hear it bouncing off of the walls of the dark alley.
She turned around and quickly flagged down a taxi.
"Scully, I am sorry. I really am!" Mulder tried to apologise, for what he had no idea but it felt like the correct response.
She didn't acknowledge him, didn't even respond to him as she slammed the door of the taxi and left him there on the sidewalk, only then did she let the tears fall.
For all of the consequences of their actions... and for what the future holds now.
So Thoughts? ;)
Yes, I am mean, yes I know u hate me at times hehe.
i have actually written the next chapter following this and it is with my beta reader,
but for both of us it's going to be another whirlwind of a month as were meeting in London.
Chapter 9: First encounter of a child kind.
A direct continuation from the last chapter.
Thank you Laia and Simone for beta reading for me.
I'm sorry this had taken so long but here it is enjoy :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Mulder stood there on the sidewalk stunned by his own actions and by Scully's sudden change in mood. Why had she gone from wanting nothing to do with him, to kissing him and then back to slapping him all in the span of a couple of minutes? Had he ruined the chance to finally meet his children? Had he ruined the chance of ever seeing Scully again?
He watched as the taxi drove off into the distance, standing there alone and cold when the sound of his cellphone pulled him out of his dark thoughts.
"Mulder, hey, it's Frohike. We've found what we were looking for in the medical records, are you ready for your mind to be blown?"
"It already has been. I know the results, Frohike" Mulder answered through gritted teeth, sounding hopeless and miserable.
"How? And why didn't you tell us that was the reason for our research?"
"Well, we just had a very loud conversation about it... and she finally admitted the truth to me. I don't know, I might've been wrong. I honestly wasn't absolutely sure until a few minutes ago"
The raw emotions behind the words Mulder spoke, told all three Gunmen exactly how much this had been and would continue to affect him. And they all felt terrible for him.
They had seen this type of emotion from Mulder, in the past. It was this kind of emotion that would normally proceed Mulder doing something so unbelievably reckless and get him into trouble - or almost got himself killed.
"Where are you right now? Do you want us to come get you?"
"The Sheppard. And thanks, fellas."
With everything that needed to be said Mulder simply pressed the end call button and stood there... Waiting. He knew the Gunmen would come to get him and stop him from doing something stupid, but he didn't really want to be sober anymore; he wanted to get drunk, so blind drunk that he couldn't remember his own name.
Scully told the cab driver where to go before falling apart and crying into her hands in the backseat of the taxi. She needed her mom and sister right now, even though what she really wanted was Mulder... but he would always be out of reach.
When she arrived at her mother's house, her face was all blotchy and her eyes were red, puffy and sore. Quickly paying the driver what was due Scully exited the taxi. Maggie had stayed up anxiously awaiting the return of Dana and just so happened to be looking out of the window as the car pulled up. She almost ran to the front door, opening it and engulfing her youngest daughter in a protective hug.
Maggie's heart broke as she listened to Scully's heart-wrenching sobs that were soaking through her blouse. To keep her from getting cold she walked them both silently towards the front door and away from potential prying eyes. She carefully moved Scully into the living room and onto the sofa next to the roaring fireplace.
She left Scully airing there, staring out into the abyss, before going through to the kitchen to make them both a cup of tea. She could tell that Dana was in shock. She couldn't tell what happened but she knew what went on between her and Fox was something she deeply regretted. Maggie heard the kettle whistle and was brought out of thought. Grabbing a towel, she poured the water into cups. When the tea was made, she took the cups through to the living room and placed one in front of Scully on the small coffee table and sat on the chair facing her. She waited.
About thirty minutes later, Maggie guessed Scully had still not come out of her shock state of mind. Suddenly, she heard Will and Ellie start crying and just as she stood up she heard Melissa’s footsteps walking across the landing and into the room the twins were sleeping. She heard small whispers from Melissa and then there were lullabies. Knowing the way Melissa was with the twins made her smile. She was so caring and gentle and content with them. >She would make a brilliant mother some day.
Maggie stayed with Scully till the very early hours of the morning and that was when Melissa sent her mom to get some rest, she would take over. Before Maggie walked up the stairs she took a quick glance at her girl. Missy had managed to get Scully to lie down, her lying by her side with a blanket around them. It reminded her of when they were kids sneaking into each other's beds, or when they sneaked downstairs for snack and both fell asleep on the couch.
The next morning
Missy awoke upon hearing footsteps behind her. Turning around, she saw her mom.
"Hey. sweetie. How is she?" Maggie whispered. Missy shook her head as if to say no change and Maggie sighed. Melissa wiggled her way out of the cocoon she and Scully had made to go get changed and have some breakfast.
A few hours later Missy and Maggie were sat at the small kitchen table sipping two coffees. They heard stirred movements from the living room and then they saw Scully walk through to the kitchen, taking a seat opposite them both.
"How are you feeling?"
Scully looked at her sister and felt like she was going to burst into tears again. Scully was about to speak when she heard the twins so she quickly took herself out of the awkward situation by running upstairs. She was so quick she nearly missed a step on her way up. She walked into the room where her children were and Ellie looked up at her mother wide-eyed. Her and little Will were wearing boy and girl’s version of matching onesies with little grey aliens on. Seeing that took her to resolve away and burst into tears. Both children looked at their mother with confusion.
When Scully managed to calm her emotions, she picked both kids out of the cribs and placed them on their rainbow rug in the middle of the room. Both children instantly felt their mother was upset and moved to Scully, engulfing her in baby hugs and love.
Maggie and Missy had climbed the stairs silently behind her, and stood outside the slightly open door to observe her. They both listened to the conversation Scully had with her kids.
"I met your dad yesterday, you know? I've missed him so much." Scully looked away but she could tell they were both listening, "I told him about you and things didn't go according to plan”.
"Da Da," Ellie uttered innocently.
"Yes, Ellie. I saw Da Da. And I did something very naughty."
Missy and Maggie were still eavesdropping on the conversation, trying not to move too much or make too much noise.
"Ma Ma Nau nau"
"Yes sweetheart. Mommy let daddy kiss her, and Mommy enjoyed it."
Maggie and Missy were physically taken back by what Scully had said. It was evident when they both took a sharp intake of breath.
"Mommy enjoyed the kiss a little too much, but then she got scared and hurt Daddy. Then Mommy said something she regretted and then run away.”
Scully looked at her children who were now invested in playing with their toy blocks and she whispered.
"All I ever wanted was for Mulder to be a father to you," Scully looked at Ellie who was showing her a nice tower. Suddenly she turned around to face the door "Mom, Missy you can come in now."
"How did you know?"
"Neither of you could get jobs as ninjas," Scully said smiling at them.
Even though she hadn’t spoken directly to her sister and mother, a small weight had been lifted off her chest. Missy picked up Will and Scully grabbed Ellie and they took the children downstairs for breakfast. As Scully was walking down the stairs she thought about Mulder and how she needed to fix the situation; not only for her but for the two little bundles of joy they had created.
Mulder woke up alone in his dingy apartment. He could vaguely remember The Gunmen picking him up and driving him home after the third beer and the fifth shot. He was cold and slightly sticky. The sun was out and shining directly at him. He brought his hands up to eyes, rubbing in small circles. His head felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to it.
Mulder sat up on the sofa, feeling groggy and dizzy. All the memories of what happened between him and Scully started coming back to him; of how she had lied to him for so long, the fact that he was a father to not one child, but two. He stood up, feeling nauseous, and quickly made his way to the bathroom, tripping over empty alcohol bottles and a few empty food containers. It was possible he also slipped on some x-files folders on the floor. He managed to lift the toilet seat up before emptying his stomach contents into the bowl.
After he had finished, he realised it was mostly liquid of a funky colour. He stripped off his clothes and threw them in the general direction of the wash hamper, missing by miles. Then he turned on the shower on the hottest setting his body could take, and waited a few minutes to step in and wash the filth and grime away from last night's endeavours.
The water hit his face with a welcome sting as his mind wandered to the kiss from the previous night, so full of passion and longing. He knew he shouldn’t have kissed her, but it was a spur of the moment. Mulder had missed her so much. It was definitely more an impulse than anything. He had to admit that he had enjoyed the feeling of her lips against his and swore he had heard her moan. Or maybe that was him.
As the water was hitting his face his hand had a mind of its own and it worked its way down to his cock which was now standing to attention. This happened whenever he thought about Scully. Once he realised what he was doing, he felt dirty and ashamed, but he didn't want to stop thinking about her. So, instead of stopping, he put one hand on the tiled wall in front of him and placed his head next to it, slightly bending over and wrapping his other hand around his girth and started pumping slowly.
His mind was filled with images of her.
Scully and her perfectly round and perky breasts and the perfect little pink nipples. When he saw her the day before he couldn't help but check her breasts out. They were bigger and fuller than he remembered. What he wouldn’t give to kiss and lick them, to make her squirm in pleasure. He would start by kissing her lips and working his way to her neck, then across her clavicle, leaving little bites and small red blotches in his wake. Seeing her naked was amazing, so delicate, so petite... but he knew she could knock you out with one punch.
His hand was working faster now pumping hard and uncontrolled as he thought about the apex in between her legs. Her smell would drive him insane but her taste would drive him mad! She tasted of strawberries and cream with hints of chocolate mixed in. He loved to give her that much pleasure and she would cry and beg for him as he brought her on the brink of orgasm. He would then stop, he’d do it over and over again. He would use his fingers and his tongue, swirling and flicking. Finally he would let her have her way, he would let her climax happen. Hearing his name would send him into his own climax.
His fluid squirted out of him hitting the shower wall, mixing with the running water and going down the drain.
Mulder cleaned himself off quickly, washing his body and hair before turning off the shower. He stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist just as the phone decided to ring. He walked briskly through the bedroom and into the living room, and picked up the phone before it stopped ringing.
"Mulder, it's me."
"Scully?" His voice was barely a whisper as his mind was running away from itself.
"Scully?" ( It can’t possibly be her, can it?)
"Mulder... I've been thinking about last night."
Oh, God. She’s going to tell me some bad news. She was serious about last night and she’s running away again... I can't handle this.
“What about last night?" He was hoping he sounded calm and collected because he was anything but.
"It was wrong of me to… Well, I'm sorry about a lot of things over the past 15 months... I want you to meet them and... I'm positive they want to meet you, too."
Oh God. Is she actually saying this? Is she actually letting me see my children? Is this just a good dream?
"No, Mulder. This is not a dream."
Wait! Did I say that out loud? I don't think so. Damn, she can still tell what I am thinking even with being apart so long...
"Say you come around my mom’s about 1 PM tomorrow afternoon?"
"Yes, of course. I will be there. Thank you, Scully."
Mulder was still clutching the phone next to his semi-dried hair. His heart was beating ten to the dozen, thumping so hard he felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. His stomach was doing flip flops. The reality was not quite sinking in. He was really going to meet his children. But first things first: he needed to clean himself up and do some things around the apartment.
The Next Day.
Maggie Scully's House
Scully had woken up early today. Her nerves were on edge and she wasn't able to sleep much. She knew her mom thought it was a good thing seeing Fox again, but she wasn't so sure. She knew Mulder seeing his kids would be amazing, she was just scared.
Maggie could hear the restlessness of her daughter from across the hall. She was happy to see Fox again, it had been so long. She did get worried about him. She knew that he would make an amazing father towards her grandchildren. Maybe eventually make a great son-in-law. She was just hoping that, even after everything, Dana and Fox could rekindle their relationship.
Melissa, on the other hand, had her doubts about Mulder coming around. His temper towards her had surprised her and caught her off guard. What also surprised her was how much anger he had built up inside of him and she was scared that he would take it on Dana. But she was conflicted because she really wanted to him to see his kids. Melissa was so frustrated by the situation and didn't want to say something she would regret that she decided she was going out to meet up with some friends and the local art museum.
The hours passed and Mulder and Scully got more and more anxious as time went on. Soon the clock struck twelve, Missy was already out for the day and Scully had put both kids in highchairs, ready for some dinner. There was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," she heard her mom say from the other room.
Maggie opened the front door to find a very sheepish and very nervous Fox Mulder.
"Hello, Fox. Come in."
Mulder looked at the older women with an apologetic look
"Hello, Mrs Scully. If I am too early, I can come back later..."
"Don't worry about it, I can't have you driving around the block for another half hour, can I?" Maggie smiled up at him and gestured for him to come in. When he did, so she closed the door behind him. "Dana and the kids are in the kitchen. She is in the middle of feeding them." She was so warm and welcoming towards him after so long... He wasn't expecting it but welcomed it a lot.
"Thank you, Mrs Scully."
"What have I told you about that? Please, call me Maggie."
He nodded and walked towards the kitchen. Mulder rounded the corner through the living room and towards the kitchen but what he saw kept him in his spot at the doorway.
Scully was sitting at a small round wooden table. She was facing away from him but her hair caught the sun shimmering red, orange and yellow like a sunset. Sat next to her there were two highchairs: a little girl to her right with her deep chestnut hair in a ponytail, wearing a black dress with an orange fox on it. She wore a small yellow bib stopping the food from ruining her clothes. To Scully’s left there was a little boy, every bit a spitting image of his mother, with deep red hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing some deep blue baby jeans and a baby version of a polo shirt with little socks peeking out from the table with small grey aliens on. Mulder smiled upon the sight in front of him. Both babies were splashing their food and Scully was trying to stop them and feed them at the same time.
Maggie watched Mulder as the happiness was evident on his face but he still hadn't moved. There was something else she detected, fear maybe. She gave him a slight nudge forward and it caught him off guard. He stumbled not so gracefully into the kitchen. Both children looked up at him.
"Da Da," they yelled in sync.
Mulder smiled at the two infants and answered "yes" as tears started to fall down his face. Not out of sadness, oh no. They were full of pure joy.
Scully looked up at him and could see the joy and amazement on his face. She smiled.
"You're early," she said teasing
Maggie was watching the exchange from the doorway.
"It doesn't matter. Let me introduce you to the family," Scully said with a smile. “This little boy covered in apple pie is called William, Will for short, Jeremiah Mulder" Scully got the wet tissue from the table and wiped the sticky mess off the little boy’s fingers and face. Once she finished she turned her attention to the little girl. "This little maddam’s name is Ellissa, Ellie for short, Claire Mulder."
"You gave them my last name." It was a statement but also a shock.
"Yes." The reply was short but their eyes locked and spoke a thousand words, and a silent thank you was said. "Will you help me get Ellie out of the highchair, please? And we can take them through to the living room."
Maggie had gone upstairs to leave the two parents to get reacquainted.
Mulder looked at her scared, not having a clue how to unclip this young child from the highchair. Or better yet, not even knowing how to hold a nearly seven month old. Scully looked at him and smiled, suddenly understanding his worries. She showed him how to unclip and how to hold Ellie before proceeding to the living room.
Mulder picked Ellie and she instantly wrapped her little legs around him and her arms around his neck and snuggled her head into the crock of his neck and shoulder. He could feel the warmth coming of this tiny human he was carrying, thinking of how quickly both children had taken to him almost upon seeing him. He was amazed at how much they loved him and how much he loved them in return.
Scully placed Will down on the rug behind the sofa removing any sharp object so that the twins wouldn’t hurt themselves. She placed their favourite teething toys and some block in front of him. Mulder went to place Ellie down on the rug next to her brother but she would not let go of him. Every time he tried she looked like she was about to cry. So, he tried a different approach: he lay down next to Will, stretching his long legs, and placed Ellie on his lap so she could stay with him but also play with Will.
"They seem advanced for their age," Mulder said, looking at Scully who was looking straight back at him.
"Yes, they are. They get it from you."
Mulder smiled at her. It was a sweet but also bitter, and they both knew it. "They're amazing children, a true reflection of their mother." And this time it was Scully’s turn to smile. Mulder had truly meant what he had said.
An hour later William had started fussing and was getting grumpy, no longer playing with any of the toys in front of him. Scully instantly knew what he wanted, Mulder was none the wiser.
"Mulder, I'll be right back."
Scully picked up William and took him into the kitchen, leaving Ellie and Mulder playing and laughing. Mulder tried making funny noises and faces to make her smile. Scully always knew he was good with kids, but seeing him with his own was a completely different story.
Twenty minutes had passed and this time Ellie was the one starting to squirm. Mulder tried everything to calm her down and nothing was working. She started crying and his heart broke: he didn't know how to stop her. She wrapped herself around his little finger and heart. He picked her up and wondered where Scully was, so he went to find her.
Mulder went through the hallway, and into the kitchen. When he got to the doorway he instantly went shy and slightly guilty: he saw William attached to Scully's breast.
"Oh! I’m sorry! I can come back..." He was bright red and turned shyly to go back into the living room.
Scully looked up and she felt bad for him turning away and going back the way he came. "It’s ok, don’t apologize. I could have told you what I was doing. I guess she started getting thirsty too." She turned and looked upon Ellie hugging Mulder’s side and then looked down and William upon her breast. "This one took longer than normal." She ended her sentence with a small smile.
Mulder sat down opposite her just as William was finishing up. Scully placed her breast back into her nursing bra and clasped it back up. Ellie knew what was coming and moved her hands to her mother and Mulder took that as a sign to swap children with Scully. Mulder watched as Scully did the same thing but backwards to attach Ellie to her breast. He watched, transfixed on the scene. He had so many questions. One blurted out before his mind had time to catch up.
"Does it hurt?"
She looked at him seeing awe in his eyes. He was blushing when he realised what he had said. "No it doesn't. He did at first, but we are pros at it now. The one thing that does hurt is pumping into bottles so Melissa can feed them."
"You… It looks beautiful."
"Thank you, Mulder. That’s very sweet of you to say."
Mulder gave her his full boyish smile and kept William entertained while secretly stealing glances at Scully.
Several hours passed, full of laughter and joy. Mulder helped Scully fed the twins, which turned out to be a lot messier than either adults intended. It was spaghetti which ended up not only on Mulder but the floor, table, chairs and both children including hair and clothes.
Melissa came back about three. Maggie had told her to leave Mulder and Scully alone but she wasn’t happy about it. She went right into the kitchen. But she stopped her initial plan when she saw him interact with his children and with her sister. It looked as if no time had passed between them. She did have to admit to herself that Mulder looked like an amazing dad and they looked amazing together.
Mulder helped Scully bath the kids, they played with ducks and boats and loads of bubbles. Mulder pretended to be a man with a massive beard which sent both kids into fits of giggles. His top ended up soaking wet –but it was well worth it. After the kids had finished their bath Mulder dried and changed Will and Ellie into their pyjamas, and into their cribs. He was going to read them a story but before he had a chance both kids were out like a light. So he turned on the night lights, and their spinning lullabies. Those especially made him smile when he noticed they were mini ufos and small grey aliens dancing in a circle. He stood there a few moments watching his children sleep and how peaceful they looked so quiet and so lovable. He could sit there for hours. It was pure and magic. He turned on the baby monitor before leaving the room and he left the door slightly ajar, just in case.
He slowly walked down the stairs. Seeing all three Scully women talking amongst themselves he felt like an outsider. He didn’t want to outstay his welcome, so he went into the living room with the intention of saying goodbye and grabbing his jacket.
"I really should get going."
"Nonsense!” Maggie exclaimed getting up. “Your top is dripping all over the floor. Dana will help you find one of Bill’s old tops and I will take care of this one."
"There really is no need for that, Maggie." She gave him the infamous Scully look that said do as you’re told and he did. "Thank you."
Scully sent her mother a sharp look of dissatisfaction. She knew what her mother was trying to do, and she didn’t like her to to play matchmaker. "I’m sure I can find something for you to wear. Follow me."
Maggie smiled at her daughter before she left the room. Mulder was close on Scully’s heel, she lead him upstairs and instead of going into the spare bedroom where Bill would normally stay, she lead him into her own bedroom. He got slightly uncomfortable since he hadn’t been alone with scully in a long time. He watched her search through her chest of drawers looking for something. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. He loved this woman so much but she had hurt him so much at the same time. His head and heart were in such a terminal. So, he stood there at the door, looking at her bedroom while she shuffled from side to side. Scully suddenly stopped as she had found what she had been looking for. She walked back to him with what looked like his knicks t-shirt.
"Oh, my. Scully, is this one of mine?" He tried to play it smooth but it came out cheesy and slightly flirtatious.
"Yes, Mulder. It is one of your tops. Probably from when you had dinner at my Mom’s when…" She trailed off her sentence, she didn’t want to ruin a good day with sad memories.
Scully turned around to give him some privacy. Also she felt the temptation there: to touch him, to feel his toned abs, to feel him tense and relax. It didn’t help that out the corner of her eye there was a full standing mirror, where she could see everything. It was like watching a strip tease in slow motion. Standing there she let her mind wonder and her fantasy overrun her brain. Touching him, feeling him, nibbling and kissing him, scratching her nails down his back... She had to stop thinking like this, they could never be together. It had been a fling that ended badly. Yes, they got something great out if it: two beautiful children. Mulder would never forgive her, though, she knew this in her mind. But her heart still held hope. He had finished changing and told her that she could turn around.
"I really should get going Scully, it’s getting late." He sounded disappointed
"Ok." She sounded disappointed, too. She didn’t want him to go. but she knew he had to. Today had been nice, Mulder spending time with their children and with her. She walked to the door grabbing his coat on the way.
"Thank you for today,” he said on the way out. “I really appreciate the chance you gave me at meeting William and Elissa." Things became suddenly tense and strained, neither knowing how to say bye.
"Thank you for coming. They seemed to really enjoy your company."
"Well. I certainly enjoyed it. They’re amazing children." There was a short pause before he spoke his next words. "I... enjoyed spending time with their mother, as well."
"Mulder please don’t–." She sounded sad, he picked up on it.
"I’m sorry," he quickly changed the subject. "Can I visit them again?"
"Yes , we can arrange a date and time tomorrow over the phone."
"Thank you again. For everything. I really mean it."
She could tell so. His deep hazel eyes spoke volumes, so full of truth and meaning. She really wanted to kiss him right then and there and to forget about the worries. Thing was, she knew he would kiss her right back. But would they be doing it for the right reasons?
"Bye, Dana." He turned and walked towards the car. He took a quick glance up at the sky. It was dark but clear and the stars were shining upon him.
When she saw he reached his car and got in driving away, she closed the door. Standing in an empty hallway she whispered "Bye, Fox."
Thank you for reading.
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