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Everything Wrong With: Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth

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(Opening cutscene) "Game where fans are hyped to play as Miles Edgeworth opens in the titular character's office with a prosecutor... who is not Miles Edgeworth. Teasing fucks." *ding

"Murder mystery game shows us who the culprit is cliche. Did that have to carry over into the spinoffs? I don't think that needed to carry over into the spinoffs, and your sequel agrees with me." *ding

"Edgeworth visits his office at two am for any reason. We later learn he investigated two murder mysteries back to back right before this after getting off an international flight. Edgeworth, you work too much." *ding

"Edgeworth tasked Gumshoe (a detective) with keeping his office clean. Something tells me that's not in his job description, but anything for a few extra bucks, right?" *ding

(Edgeworth held at gunpoint) "Make no mistake. Edgeworth is a complete badass in this scene and deserves major props, but... the bit about how no one gets away with murder in his office kinda makes me wonder how many times a murder's been committed here. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, jetlag, and previous cases getting to him, but I swear: this guy isn't even remotely surprised. 'Oh look, I'm in danger again... I've been these games too long.'" *no sin, though

"Edgeworth took a month off abroad after the events of Bridge to the Turnabout, but in that case, he'd just gotten back and wasn't officially working as a prosecutor. Seems like a waste to show up for only three days after chartering a private jet to get here. Was he put on leave as punishment for imitating a defense attorney? Either way, I think I know why he takes a commercial airline in the next case." *ding

"It took almost an hour for police to show up in Edgeworth's office after he calls in the murder. I get it's now three in the morning, but there are cops who those hours, and it only took half that time to get between these locations in Rise from the Ashes. Shouldn't there be less traffic getting to the Prosecutor's Office this time around, not more? Unexplained time skip is unexplained." *ding

"Edgeworth claims the culprit tracked mud all over his office, but we can't use this as evidence, regardless of who the muddy shoes belonged to. If we can track down shoeprints in AJ, a game that came out before this, we should be able to do it here." *ding

(The Logic tutorial) "Phoenix harnesses the power of spirit mediums to solve his cases, and Apollo his magic eyes and bracelet. Edgeworth? Basic deductive reasoning. You go, Edgeworth. Making Logic look like a superpower. You and Ryu both do a great job at this." *no sin

"Gumshoe must also be tired as balls after working the back to back cases with Edgeworth and having this one at three in the morning. That is my best explanation for why he has no clue what Logic is." *ding

"Edgeworth says he never asked Gumshoe to clean his office despite admitting to that very thing earlier. Which is it, Edgeworth?" *ding

(Gumshoe spends half his Saturdays cleaning this office, leading Edgeworth to wonder if he has a life) "Little early to steal my lines, don't you think? Players haven't met Kay yet." *ding

"Jacques Portsman." *ding

"Also, this dude's over-acting. You're no Matt Engarde, are you?" *ding

"Much as I like the new 'walking around' gameplay style, it bugs me how pixelated everyone's character is, especially in the facial area. I wish I could say this was made better in the sequel, but honestly? I don't think it was." *ding

"Also, why does Edgeworth run everywhere? I can understand Gumshoe doing this, but running is too indignified for Edgeworth's classy persona. Why can't he saunter about the crime scene?" *ding

"Portsman wants his picture taken with the corpse of a person he murdered. Because that's not weird." *ding

"Edgeworth means to keep his Steel Samurai obsession a secret, but still keeps a large doll of the character on the windowsill of his office for anyone to see. He will also fanboy about the show's 'high production values and riveting plot' to anyone who asks. How is this still a secret?" *ding

"Oldbag sends fresh flowers up to Edgeworth's office every month, even when Edgeworth isn't there. For a game that gets a double dose of Oldbag, did they really need to write references to her in the cases she's not in? Who thought this was necessary, and why?" *ding

("Gumshoe" written in blood) "'I identified my attacker with my blood' cliche. Really, Portsman? As a prosecutor, you should already know how many killers stoop to using these things. Step up your game, murderer!" *ding

"Gumshoe stomps his feet like a child at the thought of being a suspect in this series. In related news, this Gumshoe's fifth game to appear in, but this game is the closest he ever comes to being a defendant. I wanted to defend Gumshoe in the main series, goddammit! Maybe he'll come back in AA7 and give us the chance?" *ding

(Edgeworth claims he cross examines people in court on the regular) "No, actually. You only did that for part of a case, Edgeworth. I know it's five years and a different writer between T&T and this game, but try to remember details better, would you?" *ding

"Even after being a character for all four of the main games and testifying several times in all of them, Gumshoe has no idea what a cross-examination is. He doesn't function well on low sleep, does he?" *ding

"To my knowledge, this is the first and only game where I can click that I don't want a cross-examination tutorial and am actually not given one. I would remove a sin, if I weren't an asshole with higher standards than this." *but I won't add one either

"Portsman argues that Gumshoe waited until the night Edgeworth returned to his office and Faith caught him to steal from Edgeworth... despite possessing the key for a whole month before that. I get this is an easy argument to start with in a tutorial, but really?" *ding

"The Great Revival: Objection style." *removes a sin

"Portsman's labcoat hijinks. Why does he have one in the first place?" *ding

"Portsman insists Maggey needs no introduction... then proceeds to introduce Maggey anyway. Like Maya, it is impossible for her to appear in a game without being accused of murder. I may like the idea of Gumshoe having a love interest, even if she is a serial defendant, but this is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them!" *ding

"Why are there red feathers on Maggey's guard uniform? That's... an odd fashion choice." *ding

"Maggey's glasses don't connect back to her ears in any way, shape, or form. This bothers me more than it should." *ding

(Portsman says he was chosen to run the investigation because Edgeworth and Gumshoe are both suspects to varying degrees) "Oh sure, now the series cares whether or not the prosecutor in charge had the ability to commit the crime they're investigating, or even evidence that could point to that. Sure, this statement is ironic later, but where was this energy in the first and third game?" *ding

(Kicked out of the office) "Pulling a Portsman. The origin of this move was actually Damon Gant, but 'Pulling a Gant' doesn't have the same ring to it. Not to mention, this is the only reason I remember the character at all. Much like Wellington, he is a boring, watered down rewrite of previous characters. Semi-acceptable for a mere first case villain, but considering this game came off the heels of Turnabout Trump? I sin it." *ding

(In the hallway) "What is Winston Payne doing at the Prosecutor's Office at four in the morning? I understand it's his family's obligation to appear in every tutorial case in the series, but this is some hardcore dedication that I don't believe he possesses." *ding

"Edgeworth mistakes Payne for a janitor. It's... actually somewhat funny, but sinworthy all the same." *ding

(Edgeworth promises to prove Maggey's innocence) "Um, Edgeworth? You aren't imitating a defense attorney anymore. You're back to being a prosecutor. I can get wanting to defend Gumshoe, but Edgeworth doesn't even know Maggey. The only reason we as a player don't take the accusation against her seriously is the fact that she's already been a defendant twice before this, and it won't be until the sequel that it's possible for a past client to be the culprit of another case. Why is Edgeworth not even cautious around her?" *ding

(Gumshoe comments that only a great thief could successfully break into the office of a high prosecutor) "Foreshadowing." *ding

(Bursting back into the office) "Neither police officer has any reaction towards Mr. Portsman being accused of murder. Get used to this. They're the equivalent of the court bailiffs from the main series, but were granted the ability to walk." *ding

(Portsman calls the idea of him being a killer "hair-brained") "Hare-brained is misspelled. Take this as a sin for all typos and grammar mishaps to come in the game. I'm too lazy." *ding

(The Pursuit theme) "I have very mixed feelings about this song. On one hand, it suits Edgeworth's personality and style quite well, but on the other, it doesn't hype me up as much as I expect Pursuit themes to. It's more of a quiet smirk than a shout for joy and victory. Which is characteristic of this game and it's main character, sure, but it still feels lacking. You know?" *no sin until I sort out how I feel about this

"Portsman thinks it's possible to remove only one set of prints when wiping something down that has multiple. That's... not how wiping works." *ding

(Figuring out the person who held Edgeworth at gunpoint and the killer are two separate people) "I hate to rain on what is actually a good twist, but shouldn't Edgeworth have realized this earlier? Edgeworth never saw the former, but he did hear Badd's voice, didn't he? And if he thinks Portsman is the killer, shouldn't he realize that the two men don't sound anything alike? The only reason this is never brought up is for the player's benefit, because we never actually heard a voice in the gunpoint scene, but even so: couldn't Edgeworth have just made a comment about it and have us take him at his word? I'm overthinking this when I could just as easily sin." *ding

"It's explained later, but why does no one think it's weird that Portsman was working and visiting Criminal Affairs well into the early morning? Between him, Edgeworth, and Payne, I think this game is implying that's a regular thing for prosecutors in this series. And I know Blackquill has insomnia, but do none of you ever sleep as well? Why is this even a thing?" *ding

"The Truth theme. I don't usually remove sins for these, but this one is by far my favorite, beating out even Dual Destinies." *removes a sin

"In the end, Portsman killed his own partner because... he caught him snooping in another office? Overreaction much? If Faith really was half as loyal to Portsman as Gumshoe is to Edgeworth, they probably could have talked things out. Only if Faith threatened to tell others about Portsman and open the rabbit hole into his other deeds would I believe Portsman had to kill him. But I get this case was somewhat supposed to parallel with The First Turnabout, so... whatever, am I right?" *ding

"So wait. Badd broke into Edgeworth's office and saw the body of his fellow detective and the writing that framed another, but... gave zero fucks that one of his colleagues was dead and just went out on his merry way? Suppose he hadn't ran into Edgeworth for a minute. Would he really have left Faith's body where it was to be discovered who knows when? He wouldn't have even left an anonymous tip that there was a man down? I get he had to protect himself and all, but some colleague he is!

"And why is Badd the one who gets his hands on the evidence and not Portsman? Even if Portsman had to shoot a bitch, he still could have stolen the evidence when he was done, right? We already know he was over in the files because he's the one who wrote Gumshoe's name, meaning he was clearly willing to stick around after his crime. Why did he not then take what it was his express goal to obtain? Were the two men after different pieces of evidence? Turnabout Ablaze is such a self-induced blur in my head that it's a distinct possibility, but a sin nonetheless because I really don't remember. And sure, maybe that's more my fault than the game's, but-" *ding

"I like the idea of a Confrontation-Presto in concept, but this song is repetitive as fuck and doesn't hype me up in the slightest. Not to mention that, with only one exception, it will only play for the killer in any given case of this game. The sequel game uses it better, but that doesn't do much for this one, now does it?" *ding

"Gumshoe is eager to pat Portsman down from head to toe? That beats my fanfiction." *ding

(Portsman yelling) "No." *ding

"Where was Portsman hiding a whole ass videotape in his person? His clothes are not loose enough for him to stuff it down his shirt or anything, and I doubt his pockets are big enough, so what gives?" *ding

(Portsman eats gold) "Since I highly doubt that medal is pure... yeah, this breakdown is toxic. I hope they take him to the hospital after processing his arrest, or some of the other metals commonly in the alloy will kill him before trial." *ding

(Maggey says she's glad she was never in a hostage situation) "Foreshadowing?" *ding

(First mentions of the smuggling ring) "More foreshadowing. Also, this one feels weird in retrospect. Chronologically, Turnabout Airlines happens before this case, and that one discusses the smuggling ring and its influence is some detail, so... why are Edgeworth and Gumshoe acting like they don't know anything about it? If you have to do this for the player's sake, maybe don't tell all your stories in a fucked up time order. This may not be as egregious as it was in Dual Destinies, but it's close." *ding

(Gumshoe remembers details from Turnabout Reminiscence. I say Reminiscence because Kay wore, but never brought up the Yatagarasu symbol in Kidnapped) "That case was seven years ago. If you think Gumshoe remembers relatively minor details that far back, even on his first case, you are giving him way too much credit. Is the entire last leg of this case just going to foreshadow what's to come? I think the entire last leg of this case is solely devoted to foreshadowing what's to come. And things that have chronologically already happened, but you know." *ding

(Edgeworth explaining who the Yatagarasu is to the player) "Exposhadowing narration of the worst kind. It's also ending narration, to boot." *so TWO sins are added

"When did Edgeworth or the police put the chessboard back together in his office? Who magically mended the tea set? This is never explained." *ding

Total Sin Tally: 48

Sentence: Basketball Games with Portsman