You know, I'd never thought about what it would be like to lose him. I never thought that there would come a day when he wasn't there. I always thought I would die first. With my asthma and small stature combined with my apparent attraction of bullies I thought I would go down first. Bucky was always protecting me. It really wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be big and strong so I could protect my mate. I wasn't, I was a weakling. I couldn't even get through one of Bucky's heats without almost turning blue. He was so understanding. He understood that I couldn't do it. I tried so hard to satisfy him in heat, but he understood why I had to resort to other things most times. When he went off to war, I was distraught. I had agreed to let him go. I couldn't have stopped him, but I was desperate to go with him, I tried everything. I committed federal offences, lied on my papers, to try and get into the army. Then Dr. Erskine found me. He said I was perfect. I was just what he was looking for. Then came the serum. I looked totally different. I felt totally different, but I still hadn't found Bucky. They treated me like their own personal doll. I let them, of course. I didn't care what they did to me as long as they helped me find Bucky. Wherever in Europe he was. I needed him. I didn't expect to find him the way I did.
After rescuing him from the clutches of HYDRA, he had to spend time in the medical tent. They wouldn't let me in because we weren't physically bonded and no one would listen to me when I said our souls were intertwined. They barely even let me through when he told them they could. I walked in to see him.
"Buck, are you OK?"
"I'm fine, are you OK?"I laughed kneeling beside his bed.
"You're a lot bigger than I remember."He mumbled."I smiled at him. He was just as I remembered him to be. I pressed my hand against his forehead.
"You're hot, Bucky, you're really hot."I muttered and he chuckled.
"I'm in heat, the beginning stages, but heat nonetheless. That's why they let you in. I acted like I was farther along than I actually was."I licked my lips and stood slowly.
"Let's get you somewhere more private."I picked him up, mostly because I could, and carried him out to my tent. Captain America didn't have to share his space with others. He had already stripped off most his clothes, but I did take off his remaining white t-shirt and boxers. I climbed over my omega kissing up his bruised body. I took his scent in, breathing in slowly. It was the first time I could really smell him.
"You smell so good."I groaned.
"I'm glad your newly improved lungs are giving you pleasure, but I would really appreciate it if you gave me some."He whined wrapping his fingers around my neck and pulling my face to his. I kissed him with the fever he wanted me to and helped him pull off my clothing. I went to push two fingers into him, but he whined.
"I swear to God Steve."I took that as he wasn't having any of what I was trying to do. I lined myself up with him, leaned down to kiss over his neck, and pushed into him.
"Oh."I sat inside my omega and waited for his word. It came in the form of his fingers digging into the skin on the back of my neck. I moved then. I thrusted up into him once and felt him immediately respond. I'd never been able to get him to do that before. I'd always been too weak.
"Damn, you've gotten strong."He gasped.
"Super soldier serum will do that to you."I thrusted again and his legs came up around my waist. He clung to me for support in a way I never could've seen happening when I was 98 pounds of bone and skin. I lost track of the times I thrusted into him and the moans and groans he let out. I kissed over his lips swallowing those groans like they were precious to me. They were more precious than gold. I had missed him. His body moved with mine. I revelled in his dependence on me.
"Steve."He gasped as he shot up between us, but I finally had enough stamina to outlast him. I moved in and out of his oversensitive body and he keened with every movement.
"I love you."I whispered feeling the burn of my knot.
"I love you too Steve, till the end of the line."I kissed over the bond spot.
"Yes."He whispered his consent to what I wanted to do. I thrusted about five more times, then locked us together. I opened my mouth wide over his neck and bit down. He gasped letting out a high pitched moan and spilling up between us for the second time.
"Wow Buck."He laughed.
"That was amazing. It's not that it wasn't good enough before, but wow."I kissed his cheeks and then his lips.
"I love you Buck."
We only got to enjoy that bond for two weeks before he fell off the train. I never even considered mating again. When I dove my aircraft into the ocean I thought I would die with him. When they defrosted me and I woke up I lashed out. I didn't hurt anyone. I just spent long hours in a gym punching anything I could, because I couldn't handle going home to an empty apartment. I longed for my omega, my Bucky. He promised me he'd stay till the end of the line, but here I was. I was alone. I was so alone.
I was fighting the enemy. He was the enemy. I told myself I was doing the right thing. When the mask came off and I saw that face. The face I'd longed for. I couldn't fight.
"Bucky?"I whispered."Oh my God."He looked at me with such a hardened glare.
"Who's Bucky?"If I was broken before, I was shattered now.
After it was all over and I'd found him again. I took him home with me when they captured him. The only reason they let him go with me was because of our physical bond.
"So you're the owner of the teeth marks?"He asked coldly and I nodded."Then you're scrawny Steve. Not so scrawny anymore."I laughed at him.
"No, not so scrawny."He didn't remember much, but it was a start. I would wait forever for him to remember.