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The Three Adventurers and The Various Tales

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Link was covering his face, the blush of embarrassment going all the way up to the point of his ears, while Guybrush and Graham were sitting clutching their ribs with laughter and tears streaming down their faces. In the pirate’s hand was a novel-sized journal that he somehow tripped over at a marketplace and figured that it would be a fantastic idea to give it back.

That was, until, he decided to read a random page and decided to pocket the book and read it to the others in front of a bonfire. 

“This is the definition of torture.” Link mumbled deadpanned. 

“No kidding, this is like watching the murder of the English language and the murderer is using the codename ‘Jenna’.” Guybrush said between laughs as he skimmed through the pages. “And YOU’RE the unknowing accomplice.”

“UGGGH!!” Link laid his back on the floor in frustration, unaware as Graham took hold of the book and continued looking through it. 

“Heh the descriptions in this is… questionable at best. And graphic. Very… very graphic and– oh God.” Graham stopped skimming and that giggling smirk slowly vanished to horrified grimace. “Ah… well, I um… ah… G-Guybrush?” Graham tugged on Guybrush’s sleeve. “You ah… might want to look at thi– oh God, I’m going to be sick.”

“Hm? What is it?” Guybrush asked as he took a look, reading the page and trying hard not to gag. “Oh God… OH GOD. THIS IS HORRIBLE.”

“What? What’s possibly worse then Zelda, a princess and a freaking SAGE, giving some nobody the three holy artifacts AND the OCARINA OF TIME?!” Link asked, his patience slowly diminishing and sat up to yank the page out of the pirate’s hands.

“WAIT LINK NO!” Guybrush began warning.

“NONONONONO LINK!!” Graham tried reaching out only to have Link’s hand on his forehead to push the brunet away as he read the page. The silence that lingered over the three of them was painful and could be easily cut in half as they saw the blood rush from the elf’s face, his eyes widening in horror before he finally spoke up.

“We need to burn this book.” Link mumbled, turning his head to look at the others. “Now.”

“Yup! Yes we do!” Graham nodded in agreement, “Guybrush?”

“BURN IT INTO THE CLEANSING FIRE!” Guybrush shouted.

Link tossed the book hard into the fire and they watched it burn slowly. 

“It’s going to take months till I get that imagery out of my head…” Graham groaned as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I know what I’m having nightmares of.” Guybrush shuddered as he pulled his knees close to him. 

“Let’s agree to never speak of this ever again.” Link ordered.

“Agreed.” The two nodded.