It hurts to think about it. After all this time you thought you wanted to be in a caliginous romance with him but now it doesn't feel right. You know he hates the fact that you don't fit your role as a violet blood and would much rather just spend your time in your hive reading your books on history. He hates that you get away with most things because Feferi can't bring herself to not defend you. He hates your laugh and smile, he hates your clothes, your walk, your appearance, but he could never hate you blood color. And now, all you can think, is that he only loves you for your blood color. It pains you to act like your fine with it, it hurts you emotionally when you hear him complain about you, but it never hurts when he slams you against walls, or when he gives you deep bites, or when he slaps you. You only feel emotional pain when it comes to him. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you can live with being his kismesis, it doesn't work, because deep down, you know it isn't true. And yet here you are in his hive being hit by him for not acting like a true violet blood. You’re crying a little, you just don’t want to tell him, you know he’ll take it badly. You also haven’t told him how you feel about Sollux, or how you’re bigender, and you still haven’t told him how much you just want to kiss him. It hurts. Everything hurts so much. You want it to stop. You can’t handle it anymore you just want to scream at him and cry into his shoulder. You’re starting to choke out tears. He stops. He noticed. It’s over, it’s all over, he’s going to call you weak and your just going to cry more. But he doesn’t call you weak, he bends down and he looks at you. You look back at him, your scared and cold and you just want to snuggle up in a blanket with a book back at your hive. But instead of calling you weak to your face, he hugs you, and suddenly, your warm, sticky with his sweat, but warm. You automatically hug him back and cry on his shoulder. He starts to rub your back. You look at him and kiss his cheek, still crying.