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The Meanings We Give, The Light We Find

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When first I was brought into Arda, I did not know what to make of it. All was barren and cold and... lifeless. Nothing like the colorful world Eru had shown us. As for why I chose to enter in the first place? I suppose I felt rather lost, just existing out there. I thought that perhaps to enter Arda would give me a sense of purpose and offer some adventures to fill my heart. And truly, I want to work for this world, to shape it into being. But I had not expected it to be so dreary and dull.

Still, the land is a rich brown, the sky is a bright blue, and we are slowly shaping it into someplace wonderful. Ulmo has already begun taking the water and molding it into rivers, lakes and seas, becoming one with it as they tunnel throughout the earth. Manwë has taken to the air, to the wind, to the vast skies. And Varda has seated herself with Manwë, though it is not to the wind but to tiny pinpricks of light that she turns herself to, that she creates.

"Why do you think she chose her lights, as opposed to something more practical?", I ask Nienna. "For she understands that Others will come, others who will need something to give them meaning in a dark unknown world. She understands that we all must have something on which to latch our understanding...and our hope," Nienna replies.

Nienna's words are wise, and I lay back and ponder them as I look up at the skies. It is still bright enough that Varda's lights are not yet visible. But then, I think, just because you can't see something doesn't mean it's not there. I think that maybe, in order to understand the world, you must become it. Become the wind and the rain. Become the creature alone in the dark. Become the earth itself, solid in it's motion. I reach my hands into the dirt, letting it crawl up my arms and fly over my body.

Nienna doesn't know what her calling will be either. She seems content with finding new understanding each day, and with letting the world paint her, as she feels everything so deeply, the true embodiment of all the griefs and dreams of Arda. Perhaps that is her purpose. Perhaps she doesn't need to search, for it was there all along. Perhaps she is just Nienna, and I am just Yavanna, discovering this world together.

Nienna reaches out to take my hand. We just lay there for a while, letting the feeling wash over us, as the sky turns to black and the lights of Varda appear, as if they were tiny glimpses of a world unseen.