He was curious about things.
Being in this new century, with anything he wanted to know at his fingertips, was exciting. And confusing at times. But mostly thought provoking.
He could find out anything he wanted without having to track down a newspaper, ask around the neighborhood, or wonder how much of it was actually factual.
It was wonderful. It was mind-blowing.
And it was a total pain in his ass at times.
While the internet was great for some things, it also opened his mind to other things, things he had never thought of, things he had never known even existed.
And it was playing havoc with his sex life.
He and Tony had been together for six months. Six wonderful, amazing months, filled with so much happiness he couldn’t even believe it. It was hard enough finding another fella back in his day who was the same way he was, much less finding genius, gorgeous, Tony Stark.
So he really shouldn’t ask for more.
He knows that.
But he had to go snooping around the internet and suddenly his head was filled with ideas he had no idea how to explain, much less bring up to Tony.
“Babe, enough is enough.” Tony says, bringing him out of her reverie.
“What? What do you mean enough is enough? Are you breaking up-“ His heart begins to race as Tony rushes to cut him off.
“No, baby, of course not.” He says gently, leaning in to give him a reassuring kiss. He feels himself relax and holds him even closer, trying to make his heart slow down.
“Well then what did you mean…” He asks as he pulls away slightly, trying to read the expression on Tony’s face.
“You’ve obviously had something on your mind. And don’t try to say you haven’t. You get that little crinkle in your brow like something’s bothering you. You’re the one who said we need communication to work. That goes both ways. So please, tell me what’s on your mind.” Tony says so sweetly and gently it breaks his heart a little bit.
How can he tell this man all his dirty secrets after he treats him like that.
“Tony, it’s… it’s nothing. I just… I can’t tell you.” He mutters out, unable to meet Tony’s eyes.
“Did you cheat on me?” Tony asks, a slight quiver in his voice.
“Baby, no!” He insists, bringing Tony into another kiss, hating that he caused that thought in the other man’s mind.
“Then whatever it is, we can handle. I promise.” Tony pleads with him, his eyes so open and vulnerable.
That’s what kills him. Seeing that side to Tony that very few other people got to see, knowing that he trusts him like that.
He knows he can’t tell him some lie or try to brush him off. It wouldn’t be fair, when Tony was being this open with him.
“It’s… It’s things I’ve seen on the internet. It’s nothing, I just can’t stop… I can’t get it off of my mind. I’m trying, I promise…” He rambles, unsure how to explain it. He doesn’t really know where to start, or what exactly he should say.
“What is it?” Tony asks, sounding a bit more desperate.
“Tony, don’t make me-“ He begins, hoping this will all go away. He doesn’t like this side to himself, how could someone else?
“Steve, please trust me enough to tell me.” Tony says, so sternly, he feels himself snap.
He grabs his phone, and opens the web pages that are still there. Once he’s on one, he shoves his phone into Tony’s hands and hopes this isn’t the end of them.
“Here.” He blurts out, blushing and looking away. This is excruciatingly painful and he tries to even his breaths as he counts to ten.
Tony bursts out laughing, he immediately blushes even deeper in shame and wishes he had never shown Tony in the first place. He pulls away to leave, wanting to get out of the room before he breaks down into tears.
“Baby, baby no, you’ve got this all wrong. I- I thought whatever this was, it was going to be something awful, like conversion therapy. It was such a relief when I saw it was sex stuff.” Tony says, a smile on his face. At least he doesn’t look horrified so far.
Because sex stuff to him was still kind of a big deal. At least when it was like this.
Because how do you explain to your boyfriend that you might be into bondage and want to be tied up so he can do filthy things to you?
“So you’re not… disgusted by me?” He asks, needing the reassurance.
“I could never, ever be disgusted by you. Ever. I love you and I want to know everything about you. And can I be perfectly honest with you?” Tony asks, giving him a soft kiss on the lips, holding his hand while he does.
Only Tony could be so sweetly reassuring while talking about bondage equipment.
“Yes…” He says, still feeling his heart race at all the possibilities. As many times as he’d imagined this conversation, it had never turned out quite like this.
“This turns me on so. Fucking. Much.” Tony says with a devious smirk.
“Are you kidding me?” He asks, his face breaking out into a huge smile. Because of all the times he’d thought of this, Tony also being into it wasn’t something he’d thought about.
“Fuck no, if I had known this was a possibility, I would have brought this up ages ago! I just didn’t want to scare you off.” Tony says with a laugh, wrapping his arms around his neck.
“Scare me off?” He asks with a laugh, pulling Tony even closer to him. He feels freer than he has in a long time, being able to be so open with Tony.
“You’re the one who grew up in the yee old days!” Tony says, gently placing their foreheads together, leaning in close to him.
“Tony Stark, you are so beyond amazing.” He says, amazed that this his life. How did he end up with someone so amazing and accepting. And apparently also into the same things he is?
“But really, can we talk about this more? Like do you want to be the one in the equipment or-“ Tony asks, leaning back slightly so he can look him right in the eyes.
“Yes.” He blurts out, blushing again as he does. Apparently, Tony has broken more than one barrier within him.
“Oh. Ohhhhh. I’m sorry, so many bad thoughts just went through my head at once, I might have had a little bit of a seizure.” Tony says, his smile growing predatory as he brings himself closer so he’s pretty much in his lap.
“You’re ridiculous.” He says, still feeling relieved and so happy.
“But you love me.” Tony counters, grinding himself down on his hips are he speaks.
“I do. I really do.” He says earnestly, because he hopes Tony knows how much he really means to him.
“So should we go through this and order some things? Seems like it’d be a waste not to.” Tony asks as he grabs for Steve’s phone again.