Mike Schmidt leaned back into his seat and took a deep breath. He looked down at his watch to check the time; it was 4:25 am. Mike nodded at his watch before giving the cameras a peek. Bonnie was camping out in the supply closet, Chica had slipped into the kitchen, Freddy had yet to leave the stage, and Foxy was still hiding out in Pirate’s Cove. It was a slow night, but he shot a cautionary glance at the left door anyway. Foxy better not visit me again.
Mike’s eyes travelled around the office and took in the various posters and objects scattered around his space. He looked down at the desk in front of him, which was covered in papers. The phone sat on one corner of the desk; on the other was a bug-eyed plushie of Chica the Chicken. It’s creepy as fuck, Mike thought, but Doll really wanted it. He rested his arm on the desk and shot a quick glance at Pirate’s Cove through the monitor. Yeah, you fucking fox. Just try and get the better of me.
Suddenly, his arm bumped against something that definitely wasn’t paper. It was smooth, hard, and made of plastic. Mike’s eyes wandered to the object. “A DVD case?” he mused to himself. Perhaps the unlucky shmuck before him had tried to pass the night watching Fight Club. Whatever the reason, Mike reached for the DVD case and lifted it up to inspect it.
Just my luck. Much to Mike’s odd mixture of surprise and non-surprise, the DVD was for an old cartoon starring Freddy Fazbear and his merry... fellow animals. Well, calling the DVD an old cartoon would suggest that some amount of effort went into making it; what Mike had on him was a Direct-to-DVD Freddy Fazbear movie, starring the very things that wanted to kill him at the moment.
Mike studied the box-art on the cover. There was Freddy taking up the center, Bonnie shredding on the guitar, Chica doing something vaguely important looking, Foxy swinging in from a rope, and two characters he didn’t recognize; a wrinkly alligator with a saxophone and a sketchy-looking raccoon. The title read in giant letters: The Freddy Fazbear Movie: Search for the Golden Pizza . A gold sticker on the cover announced: ‘Meet Freddy’s new friends! Foxy, Albert, and Ricky!’
So, is this Foxy’s debut or something? Mike scanned the cover again. Somehow, the animatronics are less creepy than these fucks.
Mike flipped the DVD case over and read the blurb on the back. ‘All Freddy Fazbear ever wanted was for people to be happy!’ Don’t lie to me; we both know that’s not the truth. ‘When Freddy Fazbear and his best friends Bonnie and Chica hear about the mythical Golden Pizza, an artifact that can grant whoever finds it their greatest wishes, they set off to get the things they want!’ Let me guess right now: their wish is to creep out children all over the US. ‘Join Freddy and friends on their biggest adventure yet, as they encounter swashbuckling pirates, threatening storms, jazz-playing jungle animals, dangerous traps, and the most wily thief around! It’s an event that you don’t want to miss!’
Mike played with the DVD in his hands. “Well, I might as well see what all the fuss is about.” He reached into a bag that he packed for his job and pulled out several objects. These included a picture of Doll, a bouncy ball, a Ziploc bag of Goldfish, and a DVD player with several of Mike’s favorite movies. He opened the DVD player and popped open the disc area; nothing was inside of it at the moment. Mike opened the DVD and pulled out the disc, which was covered in the faces of Freddy and company. He popped in the DVD and sat back.
“It’s a miracle that this thing has its own battery,” Mike said to himself. He turned to the monitor; first, he made sure Foxy was still in the Cove, and then he spotted Freddy, who was still on the stage. “Sorry, fuckboys, you’re not getting me tonight.”
Immediately, Mike was bombarded with sounds and images. However, it was not a demon trying to burst out of the screen to kill him; instead, it was a commercial with clips of Freddy and company. “Your favorite Fazbear and friends are now on DVD and Home Video! Collect all four dvds: ‘Meet Freddy Fazbear’, ‘Freddy Fazbear and Friends’, ‘Tales of Freddy Fazbear’, and ‘The Power of Pizza’! Also be sure to watch out for ‘The Freddy Fazbear Movie: The Search of the Golden Pizza!”
“You can’t miss it for sure!” said an unblinking and stiffly moving Bonnie the Bunny.
I stand by this being much creepier than the animatronics, Mike thought.
Another commercial came on. “Come on down to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza!” the announcer shrieked into Mike’s ear, “Here, you can do all sorts of things! Eat delicious, freshly made pizza with your family and friends! Play games at our arcade! Hold parties with your friends! And best of all, meet Freddy and his friends! That’s right, kids; Freddy and company are down here, and they’re all excited to meet you!”
Freddy stood in the middle of the screen with Bonnie and Chica. “We’ll see you there!” yelled Freddy Fazbear, the bringer of terror to night guards everywhere. Bonnie and Chica said nothing, but they waved at the screen.
The commercial continued; it was most likely a newly filmed segment, with a different narrator. “Now introducing Pirate’s Cove! Come meet Freddy’s new friend Foxy the Pirate Fox! Foxy is looking for a brave crew to join in on his pirate adventures, and you might just be his ideal first mate! Sing all about your pirate adventures with Foxy the Pirate Fox at Pirate’s Cove in Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza!”
“The animation on the commercials looks better than the animation for the cartoons,” Mike mused, “Hopefully, the movie won’t be too much of a shitfest.”
There was a crash from somewhere. Mike looked up and around the office, but there was nobody to be found. He shrugged, returned to the movie, and clicked ‘Play’ on the movie. “Let’s get this shit started.”