CAPTAIN BOOMERANG HAS A CRUSH ON STARFIRE
Captain Boomerang was in his new prison that the inmates have dubbed “The Shithole”, that was right between Gotham and Metropolis. Despite the prison’s nickname, Boomerang was liking it better than the other prisons he had been in over the years. This one had decent food, the cells had a toilet, the beds were comfortable and the TV was in 4K.
One day, when Boomerang and his mates were watching TV, there was a news report about the Teen Titans saving a bank from getting robbed by balaclava, gun holding criminals.
The Press went crazy and the reporter ran over to our heroes and interviewed them one by one about the incident.
Cyborg answered “It was nuthin’. These guys were first timers. No big deal."
“We fought better,” remarked Beast Boy.
But when Starfire was being interviewed, Boomerang’s inmates whooped and hollered “I’d like to have a go at that filly!”, “I’d buy that for a dollar!” and “Christ, she’s hot A.F.!”
Boomerang looked at her. She was gorgeous. He admired her beautiful face, and her outfit. Plus she had abs to die for.
All day long, he couldn’t get her beautiful face out of his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Could it be?
He was getting a crush.
That night when all the inmates went to bed, Boomerang had a nice fantasy about her:
Boomerang’s fantasy was that he owned a nightclub; Gambling, drink, drugs, slot machines, and a sign outside the building that said “NO ENGLISH PEOPLE!”
All the customers loved him like a king and he was a God.
“Happy birthday, my captain,” said one of the staff. “And as a special treat, we have a hot number for you!”
Boomerang sat at his usual spot in front of the stage, the audience were ready for the big show.
The music began and a beautiful woman in a reveal purple dress strutted on stage. She was carrying two big feather fans and the music played a sultry Burlesque theme.
The woman was Starfire.
The audience cheered as she danced seductively, and then she removed her dress. She was now in a bikini and Boomerang was getting hot under the collar.
Starfire continued with her sexy routine. Then she stood in the middle of the stage and held the two big fans in front of her body. She then removed her bikini and covered the front and back of her body with the fans. She spun around and around and then, her back was facing the audience. She moved the fans out of the way giving the audience a great look at her naked body and buttocks.
The audience cheered like crazy.
Back in the real world, Boomerang had used his tissue and was smoking a cigarette. He had just finished pleasuring himself and felt great. It was a whole new world. After he had finished his cigarette, he went to sleep.
Over the next week, all Boomerang could think about was Starfire. He thought about her countless times when he was masturbating and even had countless dreams about her.
The crush was driving him mad. He had to get out the prison, find her and seduce her.
Well, fortunately, there is always one guard in every prison who wants to work with the criminals.
Boomerang was outside smoking a cigarette and a guard walked up to him.
“Rumour has it that you own a big mansion,” he told the Aussie. “Not as big as Wayne’s though.”
“What’s it to you?” asked Boomerang.
“You want to escape this dump and find that Starfire,” said the guard. “I could help you.”
“Piss off,” replied Boomerang.
“No really,” said the guard. “If I get you out of here, you can take me to the mansion and maybe a get some dough. Then I quit this crap job and move to Hawaii.”
Boomerang thought about this.
“Okay, deal. Yeah the mansion was a ‘Thank you’ present from Edward Nygma. I helped him kidnap a scientist and then I ended up here. So, how are we gonna do it?”
“I’ll give you some Ipecac before dinner,” explained the guard. “You’ll be very sick and I’ll say that there is a virus going around. Then I’ll take you to the hospital, but in reality, you’re guiding me to your mansion.”
“Okay,” said Boomerang.
So, 10 minutes before lunch, the guard (whose called Hagan) gave Boomerang a small bottle. He drink the liquid inside, which tasted horrid, and he made his way to the canteen.
He was sitting there eating his dinner. Nothing was happening.
Until, his stomach felt dodgy, and he felt the trembling sensation under his chin.
“Guys, I’m gonna cry ‘Ruth’,” he told his inmates.
“What does ‘cry Ruth’ mean?” asked one of his friends.
Boomerang vomited all over the floor and all the inmates cried in disgust. Hagan ran over to him.
“Oh shit! Its that virus going around! He’s got it!” Hagan cried to the other guards. “I better get him to the hospital!”
So Hagan took the still vomiting Boomerang to his car, they got inside and Hagan drove it out of the prison and onto the road.
He gave Boomerang a small green bottle.
“It’s the antidote,” he said.
Boomerang took the bottle and drink the liquid inside. After a few minutes, he was starting to feel better.
“Okay, turn left here,” he instructed Hagan.
The car arrived at the mansion. It was not as big as Wayne Manor. Boomerang and Hagan walked over to the door and there was a code machine at the door. Boomerang punched in the code and the massive doors opened.
Hagan was amazed at the size of this place. He had never been inside a mansion before.
Then Boomerang took him to the vault. He opened up the door and Hagan was blown away by the amount of money that was in there. He just drooled.
“I don’t have any gold bars, sadly,” said Boomerang. “But I do have this.”
He lifted off a boomerang from the shelf and showed it to Hagan. The boomerang had a ruby in the middle of it.
“Can I please have it? Rubies make me hard.”
“Sure, if you can catch it,” Boomerang told him.
So Hagan had to take 10 steps back, as Boomerang was ready to aim.
“Sure,” said the greedy Hagan.
Boomerang threw his boomerang at Hagan and…….
It got stuck into Hagan’s forehead.
The guard collapsed. Boomerang walked over and stood over him.
“You really thought I was going to share my shit with you?” he laughed. “Yeah, and I suppose you want me to share Starfire with you as well. You dumb twat.”
Boomerang put the body of Hagen in the storeroom cupboard.
Now, he needed to form a plan; To have Starfire all to himself, he would need to get rid of the other Titans.
So the next morning, the Titans got phone call from outside Gotham. It was man’s panicking voice.
“Oh God, you got to help me! He’s mad, you’ve got to help us or………… OH GOD, NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
The call hung up. But the Titans were able to trace the call.
The T-car arrived outside Boomerang's mansion where the call was coming from.
The Titans got out of the car and walked up to the already opened doors of the building.
“This place is the shit,” said Robin in admiration. “Let’s split up. We can sightsee whilst we rescue.”
So they all split up, Cyborg was on the bottom floor, Beast Boy and Raven were on the first and Robin and Starfire were on the second and top floor. Starfire just flew up there, whereas Robin took the stairs. And it was a very big staircase.
Cyborg entered a darkened room and looked around. He turned the flashlight on his head and shone it around the room. He walked forward and then fell straight down. When he got up, the lights turned on and he found himself in an empty swimming pool.
On the first floor, Raven and Beast Boy decided to check all the doors.
“I normally like it quiet, but this is too good,” said Raven.
They opened each door, but found no hostage, just empty rooms.
“I feel like I’m playing Hotel Mario,” said Beast Boy.
“Ugh,” groaned Raven.
But as she opened another door, there was a massive ice cannon that was activated.
Before Raven could move out of the way, the ice cannon fired a ray at her and she was trapped in a block of ice.
“Raven?” asked Beast Boy, as she ran over to see what happened to her.
But as quick as a flash, he too was shot by the ice cannon and was frozen as well.
Robin and Starfire had made it to Boomerang’s office.
They walked in and saw Boomers sitting in a chair, smoking a cigar and drinking whisky.
“Ah, Robin and Starfire, do come in.”
The duo walked over to him.
“Captain Boomerang, never met you before,” said Robin.
Boomerang had a very small ice ray underneath his desk. He had zapped at Robin’s legs and they were frozen in an ice cube.
“I stole this from Mr Freeze,” said Boomerang. “Small but effective.”
“Like your penis,” remarked Robin.
Boomerang got up walked over to Robin and punched him in the face. Then he pulled out a handgun and pointed it at Robin.
“Now, shut up and listen to me, you little shit,” began Boomerang. “I will let you and your mates on one condition.”
“What?” asked Robin.
“I get to have sex with Starfire,” answered Boomerang.
“What?” asked Starfire.
“Yep, I’ve had a crush on you for ages, Starfire,” said Boomerang.
“So, if you have intercourse with me,” began Starfire. “You would spare my companions’ lives?”
“Yeah,” answered Boomerang. “And if your answer is No…..”
Boomerang pulled out a remote control with his other hand and pressed a button. It showed Cyborg in the empty swimming pool.
“I’ll release the water inside the pool,” explained Boomerang. “And we all know your friend Robocock and water don’t mix. So, what’s it to be, dearie?”
Starfire thought for a moment, then she looked at Robin. She had no choice.
“Alright, Captain. I shall go to bed with you and partake in the act of intercourse.”
“Brill,” said Boomerang, who then looked at Robin, evilly. “Just gonna pork your girlfriend, Robin.”
The evil Aussie walked over to Starfire and took her by the hand. He then brought her over to the master bedroom.
“And don’t worry, I’m not a Harvey Weinstein type,” said Boomers. “I’ll be gentle.”
Robin watched in horror as the master bedroom doors opened, Starfire and Boomerang walked inside and the doors closed again.
Inside the bedroom, Boomerang and Starfire were stripped naked and were now in bed. Boomerang was wearing a condom.
“Once you go down under, you’ll never go back,” he told Starfire. “Oh God, this is IT!”
Starfire on top of him and they touched each other’s bodies.
“Oh God, you’re sexy!” moaned Boomerang as he kissed her.
Starfire decided to play his game and kissed him on the chest.
“You’ve done this before?” asked Boomerang.
“I’ve had intercourse, many, many times,” replied Starfire.
“Course you have, you're fit as fuck!” moaned Boomerang as they got down to business.
In the swimming pool, Cyborg opened up his chest and pressed the Emergency button.
In the master bedroom, Boomerang was actually doing it and he and Starfire were about to reach the grand finale.
They both made it and they felt triumphant.
Then Starfire laid on top of Boomerang and place her hand on his chest.
"For a vicious and loathsome crinimal,” she said. "That was quite impressive."
Boomerang lit a cigarette. Then he looked into Starfire’s face.
Then he felt depressed.
“Thank you, Starfire.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Well, luv,” he explained. “I was actually hoping to have a relationship with you. But it is not meant to be. I’m a violent bastard and you’re a super sexy crime fighting chick. We don’t mix well. And since you’re not of this world, what would our kids be like? Would they want a criminal as a dad. Jesus, I never thought about this shit until now. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“You’re human,” replied Starfire. “Humanity doesn’t know what it really wants, until they see it right in front of them. The same could be said for a celebrity crush. The fantasy is incredible, but the reality is another story.”
“Boy………,” muttered Boomerang. “Life really is a bitch, isn’t it?”
Suddenly the doors burst opened and in marched Robin, Raven, Beast Boy and Cyborg, and with them was none other than the Man of Steel.
“Captain Boomerang,” greeted Superman.
“Okay, guys,” sighed Boomers. “You can go home now.”
The Titans all looked at Boomerang, confused.
“Superman, take me back to the slammer,” said the Aussie.
So that evening, the Titans were having a Chinese.
“So how was Boomerang?” asked Raven.
“Well, for a criminal, he actually wasn’t bad,” replied Starfire. “He didn’t assault me, but he just made love to me. He had a crush and wanted to do the intercourse right. But to be honest, I’ve had better.”
She looked at Robin and winked at him.
Robin felt a bit better.
“Starfire, I do not envy you one bit,” remarked Raven.
Superman had taken Boomerang back to the prison. The inmates were happy so their mate again, and they were proud of him for actually having intercourse with Starfire.
His crush on her still hadn’t gone away, but maybe he’ll find someone in the future. A female criminal, maybe.
Maybe that chick who dresses in leather and carries a whip, he thought.