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You Shot Me a Smile and My Cares Were Gone

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Spencer knew for an absolute fact the first time he ever saw Brendon, he was in deep trouble. Or rather, once Brendon stumbled into their practice garage all nervous giggles with his mismatched clothes and long forehead, Spencer’s first thought was, Pretty. Followed by, Wait, what? Then he promptly shoved all that aside because they had practice and he just did not have time for high school crushes, no matter how cute his traitorous brain kept thinking the guy was. Nope.

Or at least that’s what he told himself. He certainly didn’t think about how lovely Brendon’s eyes were (a warm brown that he totally didn’t think about getting lost in) attempting to keep frowning instead, as they split a bag of gummy bears after practice.

“So do you think Ryan will let me in the band?” Brendon asked, so hopeful. And crap, the kid was good, but here he was worried about them telling him no. Spencer was sharing his gummy worms. How could this kid have doubts? Maybe he was glowering too much?

“Yeah,” Spencer said, fighting a smile with another frown. “You’re in as far as I’m concerned.”

Brendon’s smile was blinding and Spencer couldn’t help but finally smile back and it felt nice.

That was the first in a long line of little moments. Something so small, Spencer didn’t realize it was part of the framework that would be a soulbond.

The thing about such a bond, at least as far as he was concerned, was that it was the kind of thing that happened to other people. Sure, someone you know was bonded, but it didn’t seem like a big deal despite every educational course in school warning against bonding too early. That bonding could only happen between two willing parties. There’s a variety of different bonds with a soul bond being something you had to work toward if you both wanted it.

He had been certain that a soul bond would only happen if two people actually vocalized it and tried to form one. Spencer found first hand that you could want such a bond, both of you, and not realize it for years.

The first time Spencer became aware that he and Brendon were building toward that sort of life connection, they were somewhere in one of those states with a lot of corn at a truck stop. Maybe it was Illinois or Iowa or even Kansas.

Regardless the scenery was lacking. So bored, they were at a turnstile looking at sunglasses, both trying on increasingly ridiculous pairs. Brendon made a flourish of throwing on a pair that had two garish pink flamingos as frames and did his best Blue Steel. Spencer laughed helplessly and Brendon joined him. Just behind his breastbone he had this feeling, a warm little tickle. Something that pulsed, like it was slipping into time with Spencer’s inner metronome, ticking in step with his heart beat.

“What?” Brendon asked, when Spencer’s laughter trailed off. “Something on my face?” Brendon cheesily used his fingers behind his ears to bounce the shades up and down.

“Yeah,” Spencer said, trying to roll his eyes. His voice sounded suspiciously fond to his own ears. Brendon must have heard something, his smile shifting to something small and quiet as he took off his shades and put them back on the rack, giving his chest a little rub right over his heart.

“Come on, Spence,” he threw an arm over his shoulder. “Let’s go save Walker from the choice between red vines or gummy worms.”

“Sure,” Spencer said, wrapping his arm around Brendon’s very solid and warm back, hand resting between his shoulder blades.


It took Spencer an embarrassingly long time to realize that that feeling in his chest, a constant steady and reassuring beat, might be more than love and that Brendon felt it too. Like three years worth that included the band split where the two of them stayed together and Jon and Ryan left. Where that feeling that he’d come to associate as comfort and closeness grew almost like a favorite song playing in the background, reaching a crescendo before he realized it.

They were just about to take the stage. Spencer looked across their little huddle and met Brendon’s eyes. Brendon looked at him as if to ask, “Together?” with maybe a very quiet “yours?” and Spencer responded with “always.”

Then he realized he’d answered out loud and had only heard Brendon’s questions in his head. Ian and Dallon moved on to take their places on the stage oblivious to the moment Brendon and Spencer were having.

Brendon looked hopeful and a little scared, but Spencer didn’t have a doubt. He reached out and took Brendon’s hands.

“You mean it,” Brendon said, his voice making it more of a question than statement.

“Of course I mean it,” Spencer said, realizing how true it was. If he was honest with himself, he meant it from that first day, that first shared bag of candy. “And you do too,” Spencer said, hearing the wonder in his own voice.

“Yeah, I’ve been gone on you for approximately forever, Spencer Smith,” Brendon said, grinning helplessly.

Spencer’s face hurt with how hard he was smiling. “Good,” he said, reaching out and taking hold of Brendon’s shirt. “I’m going to kiss the hell out of you now.”

“Finally,” Brendon said, the word a puff of air against Spencer’s lips and they turned their heads ever so slightly and there. They slotted their mouths together, Brendon’s lips were soft against his. It was a chaste, sweet kiss, a promise for more late. That feeling in Spencer’s chest thrummed, feeling like the bass in a song and he realized it was a song. It was their song.

As Brendon pulled back sighing and looking gobsmacked in the best way. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Spencer said breathlessly taking Brendon’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Well, damn,” Zac said, startling them. “Now I owe Dallon $20.”

“There was a betting pool?” Spencer couldn’t even be mad. Probably from an outside perspective they’ve been completely ridiculous for years.

“Of course there was a pool.” Zac rolled his eyes. “Now have you both had enough of a moment, because there’s this whole show you’re supposed to be playing like now.”

“Yeah, right.” Brendon said, squeezing back when Spencer tightened his fingers for a minute.

“We’ve got pretty much forever so a show shouldn’t be a problem,” Spencer said, pulling Brendon’s hand up to kiss his knuckles.

Brendon smiled goofily at him, “we sure do.”