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Juice Always Deserved Better

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Juice Always Deserved Better

By CarolelaineD

So, it was one of those days that Jax was pissed off yet again, none of us had a fuckin clue what was up with him this time. His orders were to go straight to the table, also no one was to tell Juice about the meeting that would take place.

I'd parked my bike up at Teller Morrow and headed towards the club, shit that was also when I ran straight into Juice. Great I knew I'd have to lie to pull this off, hell I still had no idea why Juice wasn't to be told.

"Shite Juicy boy, ye really made me jump..."

"Chibby what's going on?"

"Nothing Juicy, so dinnae start getting yerself all worked up over it."

"Fuck you Chibs as some friend you are, maybe I should just go and ask Jax myself!"

"Aye well that might not be a good idea lad."

"Why the hell not?"

"Look Juicy it's Jax who ordered this meeting, not me."

"So why wasn't I told about it then?"

"That was Jax too, look Juice none of us know what he wants."

"Great so am I part of this club or not?"

"Juice just go and get yourself a drink or something, I'll find ye afterwards and let ye know what's going on."

"I don't want a fuckin drink Chibs, I just want some answers."

It was then that Jax suddenly walked out of the club, he took one look at Juice and then started barking out orders.

"Chibs I want you inside right now, you Juice go home, and we'll talk about this later on."


"No Juice, I said I'd talk to you later so just go."

Jax turned and dragged me with him towards the club, I watched as Juice just stood there looking so fucked up. I knew that I had no choice other than to follow Jax, soon we'd entered the club and I'd lost all sight of the troubled man.

Jax took his seat at the head of the table, for some reason I started to feel nervous as the President spoke.

"I've being given some information regarding Juice, apparently it turns out he's a wanted man!"

"Hell, Jackie lad, I think we're all wanted in one way or another."

"This is different Chibs, someone is offering serious money for his return."

"Aye and what sort of serious money are we talking about?"

"One million for his safe return."

"Shite Jackie lad that's some serious money, how do ye know about it as it might be a trap."

"Someone came to see me and showed me the cash, they'll hand it all over in return for Juice."

"Shite lad, he's supposed tae be our brother!"

"Chibs I'm well aware of that fact, we will only be using him as bait."

"Aye well it wullnae be the first time will it."

"Hey, we had no choice in prison and you know that."

"So, yer just going to kill them all then, take the money and run?"

"I'm not sure yet what I'll do, first though I have a job for you Chibs."

"Aye and just what would that be Jax?"

"I want you to get Juice drunk, just do whatever it takes to make him talk."

"Aye and just what the hell am I supposed tae be finding out?"

"I want to know if he has any idea who might be looking for him, someone must want him bad to offer that amount."

"Aye but are ye telling the lad he's bait, that it could all just go tae hell?"

"First, I want to see what Juice knows, he might even be up for the idea!"

"Aye and what if he's not?"

"We can cross that bridge if we come to it, just go and have a few drinks with him."

"I dinnae like this Jackie lad."

"I didn't say you had to like it Chibs, it's a job and I give the orders."

"Aye I guess that I'll go and do yer dirty work..."

"Good, just go to his place or take him to yours."

"Why can't I just do it here in the club?"

"Far too many people."

"Aye okay I'll get him tae come over tae my place, I'll just tell him that I've got some news."

"Good idea Chibs, I'll call you later and you can fill me in on everything."

Juice is a brother and I love the lad; I knew that if Jax's plan backfired the kid might die.


I'd gone home in one hell of a foul mood; I knew that something was going down and I was petrified. I popped a couple of oxy, I even rinsed the pills down with some strong whisky, I stood there staring at the bottle that was in my hand, I then threw it full force against the furthest wall.

I knew that the whiskey belonged to Chibs, he'd left it some other time in the past. The bottle had smashed and the glass and liquid went everywhere, I walked out of the kitchen leaving the mess for another day which was the story of my pathetic life.

I sat down on the couch and rolled a joint, I was well and truly stoned when I realized the phone was ringing in the distance. My mistake as it was actually in my pocket, I pulled it out and had to focus so I could even flip it open.

"Juice here, make it quick as I'm busy."

"Aye lad whatever, I just thought ye might wannae come over tae mine?"

"What for Chibby?"

"A few drinks maybe, also possibly tae have a talk regarding earlier on."

"Look I can't Chibs..."

"Why the hell not lad?"

"I'm way too fuckin stoned to ride a bike."

"What yer stoned right now?"

"Yeah, I also popped a couple of oxy too."

"Juicy yer a fuckin idiot lad, hey it might make my job easier though."

"What do you mean?"

"Just forget it Juice, look I'll grab some booze and be right over."

"Yeah okay then, just no crap whiskey Chibby."

"Aye lad if ye say so, I'll be there in ten minutes so hang on sweetheart."

"What did you just call me?"

I was left holding the phone, it appeared that Chibs had already hung up on me. I knew what I'd heard and what Chibs had called me, I wasn't that stoned just yet.

Fuck this, I just rolled another joint and started to relax on the couch. It wasn't too long before I heard a bike in the distance, then suddenly Chibs appeared in front of me, shit maybe I was more out of it than I thought, I had no recollection of his bike even stopping.

"Ye awake there lad?"

"Yeah I'm awake, well I think I am anyway."

I had company and forced myself to sit up, I'd expected Chibs to go sit in the chair across the room. Hell, this was Chibs after all, he sat down right beside me on the couch.

"So Juicy, what's yer poison lad?"

"A beer will do, I'm too stoned to drink anything stronger."

I opened the beer and then proceeded to drink it; I could feel Chibs watching every movement that I made.

"So Chibs what's all this about?"

"Look I'm just going tae come straight out with-it lad, I'm not pussy footing around like the rest of them."

"Okay I'm listening."

"Are ye sure Juicy lad, shite ye look totally out of it!"

"I'm okay Chibs, for fucks sake I just want to know why I'm being kept in the dark?"

"Aye okay lad, look Juicy who would put a bounty on yer head lad?"

"Fuck are you serious?"

I tried to get up off the couch, however I then fell as Chibs roughly pulled me back down.

"Sit lad and we can talk."

"Fuck you Chibs, look I need to get out of here."

"Shite lad, ye can barely even stand up."

I no longer cared what he thought or had to say, I pushed his hand away and tried once more.

"Ye wullnae win lad."

Suddenly Chibs sat over me and pinned me to the couch, I also knew that I was far too stoned to fight him off. Hell, I tried anyway though, it was then that his lips came crashing down upon my own.

Fuck I couldn't breathe, this wasn't right and shouldn't even be happening. Finally, Chibs was also in need of air, suddenly my lips were free once more, however my cock had instantly become hard.

"What the fuck was that Chibs?"

"I love ye Juicy, hell yer ma brother lad."

"Brothers don't kiss like that Chibby!"

"Yer special Juicy and I wannae help ye, but ye have tae talk tae me lad."

I really didn't want to talk to Chibs, my past was my problem and was no one else's business. How the hell could anyone be looking for me now, I thought Alex would have given up on me years ago.


I watched as the lad fidgeted somewhat nervously, I decided to let go of his face and sit back down on the couch

"Try moving Juice and I'll just restrain ye again."

"Chibby please..."

"Talk lad right now, and believe me I mean now."

The lad was so cute as he bit his bottom lip, I knew that I'd also taken a risk kissing him that way too.

"I'm not who you think I am Chibby."

"That sounds a bit dark lad..."

"I've done things, stuff that would get me kicked out of the club."

"Tell me then, I cannae try and help if I dinnae know lad."

"No one can help me Chibby."

"Juice talk or I'll hand ye over myself, one million's a lot of money."

"Shit is that what Jax wants? Hell, he'll kill me Chibby."

"Why would someone pay all that just tae top ye lad, I have a strong feeling that your hiding something lad..."

"Look Chibs if I talk things will change."

"Ye dinnae know that Juicy boy!"

"Jax will gladly hand me over, you'd just never speak to me again either."

"Try me then Juicy lad."

I watched as the lad suddenly jumped to his feet, trouble was the weed had made him clumsy. I had no problem at all grabbing hold of him, however I was a bit too rough as I slammed him against the wall.

"Why Juice? hell ye fight me at every single turn lad."

" Fuck this I need a strong drink now."

It wasn't like the lad to want a strong drink, however I soon pulled out the bottle of strong whiskey. Maybe I could get him to unwind a bit, as so far I'd learnt nothing that would be of use to Jax.

"Sit lad and we can have a drink, I'll sort Jax out if ye want lad..."

"Yeah, look just tell him I can't do it because of personal reasons."

"I'll give it a go, not that I know if he'll accept that though."

"Does that mean you'll drop it too Chibby?"

"What ye wullnae even tell me?"

"I can't."

"Aye I understand lad."

We spent the next couple of hours just drinking, Juice was starting to become well and truly wasted now. I had loads of scenarios running through my head, no one would pay a million without a damn good reason.

The lad threw his head back against the couch and had his eyes closed, I started to wonder if maybe he'd fallen asleep on me.

"Ye still awake lad?"

"Yeah I was just thinking that's all."

"Aye, so was it anything interesting then lad?"

"No, just my fucked-up life I guess."

"Ye have family Juice, we all love ye so much lad."

"I'm lucky to have you all, that's the reason why I won't risk losing what I have now."

"I just dinnae wannae see you fuck it up lad, especially if you just keep bottling everything up."

"I'll be okay."

I wasn't sure at all that he'd be okay, shit the lad was really nervous right now. I watched as he knocked back another large glass of whiskey, then the lad had decided to go and stand up.

"Juicy where are ye off tae now?"

"I need a piss."

I couldn't help but notice how unsteady he was, maybe he'd had enough drink for one night. I moved fast and jumped up to grab him, it was then that the lad threw up everywhere.

"Shit Chibby I'm sorry."

"Shite lad did ye have tae do it all over me!"

"You had better get a shower Chibby, I'll go and throw your clothes in the washer."

"Aye lad if ye would."

I went into the small bathroom and stripped, I then opened the door slightly and passed Juice my clothes. The water felt rather relaxing against my skin as I cleaned myself, I then found a large towel to wrap around my waist.


I cleaned up the floor while Chibs showered, it was then that he re appeared wearing just a towel.

"Shit I don't think I have any clothes that will fit you, I can go and look if you want Chibby?"

"No, I'll be fine lad as yours wullnae fit anyway, I'm sure mine will soon be washed and dried."

"Okay, I'm just going to change my own clothes though."

"Aye ye go ahead lad."

Chibs went and poured himself another drink, as for me I headed off towards the bathroom. I took a quick shower to get rid of the sick smell, also I felt far better once I'd brushed my teeth.

I had soon pulled on a tee shirt and some shorts; it wasn't like I planned to go anywhere tonight. I found Chibs sat back on the couch, the man was still knocking back the whisky like it was water.

"Ye wan’t another drink Juicy boy?"

"Yeah just a small one."

"Ye sure ye can handle a man’s drink Juicy?"

"Chibby just pass me the bloody drink."

"Aye have it yer own way then, just dinnae throw up on me next time."

"Look it's only because I mixed the drink with weed."

"Juice just shut up and sit yerself down lad."

I watched as Chibs patted the couch beside him, shit he was far too undressed to sit that close to him.

"Juicy sit, hell I dinnae bite lad."

I did as he said and sat on the couch, shit now I needed a drink more than ever. I grabbed the bottle and poured myself a large glass, I then went and knocked it straight back.

"Ye in a race lad, shit ye'll be sick again drinking like that."

Shit I knew that Chibs was right, I suddenly felt rather wasted and light headed.

"I think I need to lie down, maybe go to bed and sleep it off if I can. Are you staying the night Chibby, it's just that your clothes are still in the washer?"

"Aye I'll be right here lad."

I entered the bedroom and laid down; I was far too tired now to even undress myself. I woke sometime later and my head was throbbing, also my mouth felt really dry.

I pulled myself off the bed, a quick glass of water and I'd try getting some more sleep. I walked into the room and noticed Chibs was asleep, trouble was I'd also noticed something else too.

Sometime during the night he'd lost the towel, I now had Chibs on my couch asleep and naked. I couldn't help but stare at him, he was my brother and deep down I knew that it was wrong.

Shit suddenly I felt compelled to kneel down beside the couch, his breathing was heavy and he had the empty whisky bottle beside him. Maybe he was totally drunk and out of it, ever so slowly I rubbed his exposed nipple.

Chibs had groaned but never woke up, I watched fascinated as the little bud became hard beneath my touch. However, I soon found myself drawn to something else, his nipple wasn't the only thing to respond and got hard.

I ever so gently ran my thumb along his erection, I then watched as it swelled right before my eyes. I'd wanted Chibs for ages, I knew that I was playing with fire and oblivious to the fact I'd get burnt.

I couldn't help myself as I leant forward, also it wasn't long before I started using my tongue on him. The man was so fuckin hard and I wanted him, Chibs seemed oblivious to my touch and remained fast asleep.

I took my chances and deep throated him, I sucked and licked his erection until he was rock hard. I was so carried away with myself, well that was until I found a hand on top of my head. I froze and was too scared to move, Chibs could be volatile so I waited for the punch.


I woke to the most amazing blow job in my life, shit I tried my hardest to remember who I'd brought home with me last night. Shite I knew that I shouldn't have drank as much as I did, I decided to reach my hand out towards their head.

I was hoping that I'd have a rough idea which croweater it was; however, it couldn't be anyone from before as this was too fuckin good. What the fuck, I ran my hand along the head of hair. Shit or should I say lack of hair, there was only one person I knew with a haircut like that, shit this was no croweater after all.

Juice had the most amazing and talented mouth; it was just the fact that he was a bloke. It crossed my mind that I should just end this right now, however my body won the battle with my brain. I was far too gone now to even try stopping him, maybe I could just pretend I was still out of it.

I wasn't gay and this wasn't right, hell I suddenly had to wonder if Juice was gay after all. I couldn't focus or figure it out right now, I was far too gone and was about to come. Juice had one hell of a mouth on him, hell he even swallowed it all as I came.

I just lay there pretending to be totally wasted, I rolled over and made out that I was still asleep. I heard Juice go into the kitchen and get himself a drink, then at least he returned to the bedroom.

I lay there now and unable to sleep at all; this had been far from what I'd expected would happen tonight. I also realized that I'd have to keep it all to myself, I lay there for over an hour just replaying it all.

Everything was quiet when I finally moved my ass, first on the agenda was getting dressed before Juice woke up, I went and retrieved all my clothes from the dryer, in all honesty I just felt like leaving and going back home.

I figured it would be far too obvious though if I just left. so, I just stayed where I was and waited for the lad to get up. Finally, after some time Juice showed his face, the lad looked worse for wear this morning and my eyes just went straight to that mouth.

"You okay Chibs, did you sleep well?"

"Aye lad I'm fine, how about ye?"

"I don't really remember much, I guess that's what I get for mixing booze with weed."

"Aye ye need tae lay off all that shite lad, it will all just fuck with yer head lad."

"Yeah I guess so as there was the oxy too, do you want a coffee Chibby as I need one."

"Aye lad, that'd be good."

"You can't talk anyway; you drank that entire bottle of strong whiskey."

"Aye and I'm suffering for it now lad, I remember ye throwing up and then nothing until morning."

"Yeah you seemed out of it last night, hey at least you found your clothes."

"Aye we went through all of that, best is that we still have Jax to deal with."

"Yeah thanks’ for the reminder."

"I'll ring him soon lad and see what I can do."

"Thanks, Chibby."

I watched as Juice made the coffee for us both, it was like the lad had no recollection of what he did last night. Shite maybe the lad wasn't even gay after all, maybe all that shite made him off his head.

I realized that I'd have to keep my mouth shut, I might embarrass the lad if I told him what he'd done during the night. That, or the lad wouldn't even believe me to start with.

While Juice was in the kitchen I decided to give Jax a call, the call went pretty much as I expected it to go. Jax was pissed off and I was the one left to tell Juice, I had to wonder how I always needed up in the middle of things.

Soon Juice returned and sat down on the couch, I knew I'd have to tell him what Jax had said regarding all of this.

"Juice, I called Jax while you were in the kitchen."

"Yeah and..."

"Bottom line is that the club need the money lad, Jax said you'll be safe and nothing will happen tae ye."

"What if I refuse?"

"Jax says that ye'll no longer be part of the club, as family and the club should come first."

"So, I do it, that or I have nothing?"

"Hey, I'm just the messenger!"

I watched and waited for the outcome; I could tell that Juice was thinking it all over.


I couldn't believe Jax would make me do this, shit it looked like either way I was going to lose.

"What if I do it and it all goes wrong? Shit Chibs I'll lose everything including you and my family."

"How could it go wrong Juice?"

"You all want to just use me as bait, yet none of you even know what you're dealing with."

"Aye well maybe ye need tae talk tae me lad, tell me the real reason why someone wants ye that bad!"

"Great, I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No Juice, so come on out with-it lad."

"He works for some private organization; they use him as an assassin amongst other things."

"So how did someone like ye get involved with him then lad?"

"Shit Chibs you know what I do, I'm an intelligence officer for Samcro."

"So, I take it ye found out something about him, does he now want revenge Juice is that it?"

"Yeah I found out something, that the F.B.I was interested in him."

"Shite lad, ye dinnae get involved did ye?"

"He went to prison for five years because of me, I guess he now wants me dead."

"Aye well I have tae tell Jax, he'll need to know just what he's up against."

"Yeah true, I just want you to know that I'm dead if this goes wrong."

"So, this man must have some money, or is the offer not genuine..."

"Oh, has plenty of money, so do the people that he works for."

"Sit tight then while I call Jax, by the way does he have a name?"

"Yeah, it's Alex Krycek."

I was left alone as Chibs went outside to make the call, I realized that my whole life was starting to fall apart. Alex was now out after serving four years of his sentence; however, I'd changed and was no longer the Juan Ortiz that he knew.

I'd changed my look totally; I'd then gone and joined Samcro to top it all off. I'd lied to Chibs about who Alex really was, shit I'd also given Chibs a blow job and was already terrified he remembered. So far he hadn't even mentioned it, maybe he really was out of it.

All I could do was take it one day at a time, first job was to be used as bait by my own family. I sat there with my head in my hands, all I could do now was wait for Chibs to return.

Alex had money, yet I couldn't see him handing over one million for me. I knew if he had his way, he'd want to keep me and the money, it could all easily end up as a blood bath. I heard the door shut and Chibs enter, I looked up at him and struggled to keep it together.

"So, what's the plan Chibs?"

"We meet in two hours."

"What today, are you fuckin joking?"

"No, so come on we need tae go."

"So where are we meeting him then?"

"Some warehouse about an hour from here, we will be meeting Jax on the way."

"What just Jax?"

"No of course not, everyone else will meet us there tae."

"Just tell Jax not to underestimate him, I have a feeling that it might be a trap Chibs."

"We'll have ye back Juice I promise."

"God, I hope so."

"Come on then, are ye ready lad?"

"I just need to get something first; I'll only be a minute."

I went into my bedroom and closed the door, I then opened the closet and pulled out a small box. There inside were some photos and other stuff, I pulled out a random picture and just stared at it.

The photo was of myself and Alex, it was also over five years old now. Deep down I knew exactly what he wanted me for, I also knew it had nothing to do with him going to prison either.

I slipped the photo inside my jacket pocket, once I'd replaced the box I went and returned to Chibs. It was time to go and get this over with, even though I had no idea what the outcome would be.


We rode out towards the arranged location and we were all armed, yet when we arrived there were already a few cars there. It looked like the man had brought an army with him, I couldn't help but notice the look Juice had upon his face either.

"Ye okay Juicy boy?"

"Chibs I can't do this..."

"Ye will be okay lad."

We'd arranged to keep Happy and Opie out of sight for now, at the moment only myself Jax and Juice would enter. We also had Tig keeping a look out, it was then that Jax told us we were going in.

Once inside we were confronted with about twenty men, we were also disarmed within seconds of entering. I couldn't help but notice Juice keep his head down, it was like he thought no one would see him anymore.

A car door opened, and a man climbed out, he was tall with dark hair and rather good looking. I'd expected some bloke in a posh suit or something, yet this man wore black tight jeans and a leather jacket.

I waited beside Juice as Jax moved forward, he then shook hands with the man and started talking together. I listened to the conversation, yet I suddenly felt really sorry for Juice.

"You must be Alex Krycek."

"Yeah and you must be Jax teller."

"Yeah we want no trouble and just a simple swap that's all."

I watched as the man showed Jax the money, well so far so good I suppose.

"One million in cash Jax, you take it and then turn around and walk away."

"That easy..."

"All I want is Juan Carlos Ortiz, however I will kill every one of you if you try anything."

We had Tig ready to follow and knew we'd have to let Juice go, there wasn't any question regarding that, the plan was to get Juice back once we'd hidden the money.

"You've seen the money, so now I want to see Juan."

I'd noticed that Juice was hidden behind me, hell the man hadn't even noticed the lad. I turned to face Juice and hugged him, I then even kissed him on his forehead.

"It's time Juicy boy."

"Please Chibby..."

I stepped aside so the man could see him, yet Juice remained there with his head down.

"Juan come here right now."

I watched as Juice moved in front of Alex Krycek, he then just fell to his knees before him, I watched as Alex Krycek ran his hand over Juice's head, he then gave myself and Jax a dirty stare.

"What the fuck have you done to him, where the hell is his fuckin hair?"

I looked at Jax, shit the man looked really annoyed as Jax answered him.

"That's how he was when he came to the club."

"And the stupid fuckin tattoos, at least his hair will grow back and cover them up."

Something was wrong about all of this; Juice had claimed that the man wanted revenge because of him winding up in a cell. Yet Alex Krycek was more concerned with the lads looks, not with killing him.

"Right you can take your money and leave, I'm sure I'll soon have Juan back as he was before all this."

I'd had enough of this crap and couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer, I also didn't give a shite if it pissed Jax off either.

"Ye not planning on killing the lad then?"

"Why would I pay a million just to kill him, I could have done that anytime I'd wanted."

"Revenge, I thought he was responsible for ye going tae prison?"

" I went to prison because I made a mistake, I take it that Juan lied with regards to who I am!"

"Aye possibly"

I was then lost for words, Alex Krycek put his hand in his pocket and retrieved something. It was at that moment that he bent over Juice as he kneeled, I couldn't help but notice the collar he fastened around the lad’s neck.

"Juan belongs to me as he's my lover, it was unfortunate that I was indisposed and couldn't be responsible for him."

Shite suddenly everything fell into place when he attached the lead, apparently Juice had lied to us all with regards to his past.


Fuck I couldn’t believe Alex was doing this, especially as it was in front of the people who’d became my family too!

“Alex please don’t do this right here in front of them, look I’m coming, and you’ve got what you want…”

“You only came because you were left with no choice Juan.”

“Look I’m sorry, we were good once Alex but all that ended a long time ago.”

“Really! So how come you fell to your knees in front of me Juan…”

“I want to protect my brothers, please Alex you must be able to see the only reason why I did it?”

“I’m your family Juan and you’d do well remembering that.”

“You can’t make me stay with you.”

Shit suddenly Alex slapped me hard around the head, he then pulled harder than needed on the leash that he held. I couldn’t help but notice Chibs step forward, shit I knew that Alex would kill him if he saw him as a threat.

“Please Chibs don’t… I swear that I’m okay.”

“Aye it sure looks like it Juicy lad!”

“Chibs I’m begging you to just walk away for both our sakes.”

I turned towards Alex with pleading eyes, I loved Chibs and really didn’t want him to get hurt because of me.

“Alex can we just go…”

“Good idea Juan, right get in the car right now and behave then.”

“Can I at least say goodbye first?”

“You have two minutes Juan, so no funny business or else…”

I was surprised when Alex removed the lead, however I noticed that he planned to leave the collar on to prove his ownership.

“Remember two minutes Juan so make it fast.”

Most of the club hugged and kissed me, Jax even said he was fine with who I was. I did notice though that no one actually offered to help me at all, even Chibs remained in the background too.

I knew I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to the man who’d always helped me in the past, I just figured that I’d have to make the first move though. I walked over towards where Chibs stood, it was then that I could feel the warm tears that rolled down my face.


“Aye lad.”

“Do you hate me now?”

“No Juicy, I just never knew that ye were gay or intae that stuff. I guess it was just a shock at first, but hell I still love ye Juicy so much.”

“I love you Chibby, you were always there for me when I fucked everything up.”

“Aye well I’ll always be here for ye lad, he won’t hurt ye will he lad?”

“Alex just likes to play games and show his authority; I’ll be okay with him as we were lovers for years.”

“So, what happened then Juicy?”

“Alex fucked up and ended up in prison for five years.”

“So ye just ended it, ye never went to visit him in prison or anything like that!”

“The relationship had been going downhill before then, I guess I just saw it as a way out and took it.”

“Aye lad but did ye tell him that it was over?”

“No, I guess I never saw the point or thought about him getting out.”

“So, he’s waited five years just to find you did a runner, shite and ye expect him not tae be pissed with ye…”

“I’ll try and explain it to him if I can, look Chibs I really have to go now.”

“Juicy if ye need help let me know now, or try and find a way to contact me.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for everything Chibs.”

“Aye come here then lad, at least give me a hug before ye go.”

I threw my arms around Chibs and hugged him tight, to be honest I never wanted to leg go and be alone once more.

“I’ll be back Chibby, especially if the club still wants me.”

“Aye we do lad, yer good at what ye do tae Juicy.”

I couldn’t help myself as I kissed him, it had been a simple kiss but upon his unexpecting lips. I saw the look of confusion upon his face, I were just glad that he’d never pulled away from me. Worse would have been him hitting me now he knew I were gay; however my time was now up as Alex called my name.

“Here now Juan, come on it’s time to leave.”

“Yeah I’m coming.”

I knew that he’d punish me for not calling him sir, not that it concerned me right now as I deserved all I got in the end anyway.


All I could do was watch as the lad walked away, it was disheartening, and I felt so lost right now. It was like I’d just lost a large part of myself; I knew that I loved him as a brother and maybe even more.

I was just so fuckin confused right now, part of me wanted to jump on my bike and follow him. Deep down I knew that Jax wouldn’t agree to it, he’d just been handed a million dollars for Juice.

Jax just saw it that Juice would eventually return, one day he’d leave Alex and finally come back to his brothers. For some reason I felt different, deep down I was scared that Alex would keep him as a prisoner.

I wanted to learn who the man was that now held Juice, the only trouble was that we no longer had an intelligence officer as that had been Juices job. Fuck everything, I decided all I wanted to do right now was get drunk.

“Jax I’m out of here and off back tae the club.”

“Yeah okay Chibs, look I’ll join you if you want?”

“Aye the company would be good lad.”

We both got on our bikes and headed back towards the club, maybe I could talk Happy into taking this Alex guy out. Once back I parted my bike and headed straight for the bar, I then grabbed a full unopened bottle of whisky.

“How are you holding up Chibs? I know that you’re close and think a lot of Juice.”

“Yeah he meant a lot and always will.”

“I’m sure the lad will come back, after all we’re meant to be his family now.”

“Aye true Jackie lad, I just hope he dinnae get hurt in the meantime.”

“Like the bloke said, you don’t just give away a million to kill him. If that were the case, he could have killed us all, then Juice would be dead without him paying anything.”

“Aye but there’s other ways that he can hurt Juice, ye know he’s not as strong as the rest of us Jax…”

“Yeah believe me I’d noticed that about Juice, were you even aware that he’s gay Chibs?”

“No, I’d always seen the lad with some crow eater or other.”

I could tell now that the whiskey was starting to take effect on me, I started to feel really good and warm inside. There was only one problem when I drank too much, I always started to talk too much too.

“Does it bother ye Jax, the lad been gay and all I mean?”

“No Chibs, a lot of the rules in this club are well outdated. To be honest I think we should just re write them all.”

“Aye good idea lad.”

“He’ll be fine in the club, well as long as he doesn’t try it on with anyone who’s straight.”

“Maybe sometimes he does it just tae test the water, ye know tae see how the person reacts towards him.”

“Yeah I guess that I can understand that, I’m sure there will be times when he’s unsure about other people.”

“I guess so.”

“I just mean it’s his life and we should respect Juice for it.”

“Aye that’s good tae know.”

“Chibs is there something you’re not telling me; you sound a bit unsure about things too.”

“Look it wasn’t planned okay…”

“Chibs just spit it out will you.”

“I went over there last night like you asked, the lad was out of it and smoking weed.”

“Yeah well that sounds about normal for Juice, so go on carry on Chibs.”

“He refused tae talk tae me or tell me what was wrong, so I decided tae get the lad blind drunk.”

“Shit Chibs that was a bad idea after all the weed.”

“Aye he threw up all over me, I had tae have a shower and put my clothes in the washer.”

“Ha I bet that was a right sight to see.”

“Shut up Jackie lad, look he went tae bed and I took the couch. At some point during the night Juice got out of bed, I dinnae know until it was tae late.”

“Shit Chibs the suspense is killing me; can you just get to the bloody point.”

“I woke up tae the best blow job of my life, shite I just presumed it was one of the crow eaters. I went tae grab her hair and literally froze, look I knew straight away that it was Juice that I felt.”

“Did you stop him or even hit him?”

“No, I just let him carry on because it was fucking amazing, now I’m wondering if it makes me gay tae…”

“Hey, he started it, also if it was that good why would you want to stop. Shit I bet it was hard facing him afterwards, the day after and all.”

“I never mentioned it, I just made out that I were drunk and couldn’t remember anything from the night before.”

“Best way Chibs.”

“Aye but then today it all fell into place, especially how fast Juice obeyed that man and even let him put a collar on him.”

“Well I guess that’s up to Juice, at the end of the day he is a grown man Chibs.”

“Aye Jackie lad I’d thought that myself at the time.”

“So, what changed Chibs?”

“I was fuckin jealous okay, then to top it off he had to go and kiss me on the lips.”

“Shit I take it that you fancy Juice, or is it just more what he can do for you that’s appealing?”

“I’ve always loved the daft lad, I guess that I just love him even more than I thought.”

“Shit Chibs that’s a lot to take in, I take it that Juice is unaware of your feelings towards him.”

“Shite lad I dinnae even know myself until now.”

I drank the rest of my whiskey feeling rather depressed, I realized how much Juice meant to me now that it was too late.


Shit I missed the club and my brothers already, I especially missed Chibs too.

“Juan… Juan I’m talking to you.”

“Sorry I was just thinking about things.”

“Yeah, I guess you grew up a lot while I were gone, I also can’t believe you never visited me once in five years…”

“Like you said yourself, shit Alex it was five years and I had to grow up.”

“So just what was the plan then Juan, did you really think I wouldn’t find you!”

“Maybe I thought you’d have got over me and moved on Alex.”

“I’ve only ever wanted you Juan, there has never been anyone else in my life.”

“Shit Alex can’t you just call me Juice? That’s the name everyone knows me by and not Juan.”

“Juice the big hard biker brother, shit Juan you’re not cut out for that lifestyle and you know it.”

“I did okay without you, and they’re my family now.”

“You never learn, do you? Shit Juan they just sold you out and that should tell you how much you mean to them.”

“I came willingly Alex; believe me I’ll also leave if that’s what I decide.”

“Look have it your own way, all I ask is that you give me a couple of days.”

“A couple of days for what exactly?”

“To prove I still love you Juan, I want you to let me make love to you like we did before.”

“So, you payed a million, what if I decide I don’t want to stay with you?”

“I will let you go; I want you as a lover Juan and not a prisoner.”

“Fine two days Alex then it ends one way or another.”

“You won’t regret it I promise.”

I kept my mouth shut and remained silent; shit I was already starting to regret the agreement I’d just made. In the past Alex was the dominant one in the relationship, while I was the totally submissive one.

I’d let Alex do anything to me and I got off on it, now I was unsure if I wanted to go back there. I’d been young and it had all been a game back then, I myself had felt different after spending fourteen months in prison.

No one had actually molested me in prison; however I could feel their eyes boring into me. It had changed how I’d felt about been submissive all the time, I wanted to take control of my own life. Shit it was then that I realized Alex didn’t know about my past, he still saw me as the kid I was five years ago.

“Alex before we arrive theirs something you should know…”

“What would that be?”

“I went to prison for fourteen months.”

“What the hell for?”

“Weapons, look it was club related okay.”

“I get it now.”

“Get what?”

“You think you’re all grown up now, I guess prison can do that to you. Shit did anyone touch you at all Juan?”

“I was no one’s bitch if that’s what you mean, I was stabbed though while I did my time there.”

“So, do you think this makes you my bitch Juan? I take it you think you’re too grown up to play games…”

“Alex people have always just walked all over me; I’ve had to learn to stand up for myself now.”

“Yet here you are now, agreeing to give yourself up to me for a couple of days.”

“Yeah well I can’t guarantee I’ll obey you anymore, or that I won’t slip into the person I am now.”

“Don’t worry as that’s fine Juan, it will just give me a reason to punish you that’s all.”

“Look I don’t care about that and all I want is your word, you let me walk if this doesn’t work out…”

“Fine, however you have to be willing to try too Juan. I want you to give yourself totally to me, also to remember all the good times we had together.”

I knew that he had a point, I’d been so young and inexperienced when I’d first met him. I guess Alex had made me feel really special and wanted, also none of the responsibility had fallen upon me.

It had felt good to give up everything to someone else, I’d felt free and alive back then before it all went wrong. I had even wondered if Chibs would be like that, he’d always struck me as the dominant one in a relationship.

“Come on Juan we’re here now, I think it’s time we got you settled.”

“Alex who looked after the house while you were inside?”

“I paid someone, why what’s the matter Juan?”

“I guess I’d expected you to have moved, I thought you’d have sold this while you were in prison.”

“It holds far too many memories for me, believe me I’ve no intention whatsoever of selling the place.”

I got out of the car and walked towards the house; I’d spent many days in this house with just Alex. At the time I’d been young and had a crummy little bedsit, it had felt good to be here all the time with him.

“I came by a couple of times, I guess I just wanted to get my stuff in case you sold the place. No one was ever here though; in the end I just gave up and never came again.”

“Juan it was empty to begin with, I think it was a good six months before anyone came here.”

Alex opened the door and I entered the hallway, shit it was like going back in time to five years ago. Everything was the same, hell even my old jacket was still hung where I’d left it long ago.

“Have you changed anything at all Alex?”

“Look no more questions for now Juan, you can see what the place looks like over the next two days. I’m sure you still remember the rules, or have you just forgot everything from our time together?”

“Shit I thought you just wanted a relationship Alex, to see if we could still connect after our time apart…”

“I’m not the one who’s changed, you are the one who decided he was all grown up now. Look I want you to feel how it was between us before, to do that you’ll have to follow the rules Juan.”

“Shit seriously!”

“Yes, you will strip and remain naked while you’re here, well apart from the collar that is. Once you’ve removed your clothes go and lay down on the bed, then I will have to administer your punishment for your recent behaviour.”

I had no idea if I could do this and play along with what he wanted, yet I stood there and started to remove all of my clothing.


I knocked back far more whiskey than usual, well at least Jax wasn’t despised by me or my feelings. Part of me wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything that had happened recently, the main thing been my own sexuality.

Jax had said that Happy might know the man who now held Juice, apparently, he knew quite a few people in that line of work. Not that I wanted to face him while I were this drunk, after a few hours’ sleep I might be up to the questions Hap would throw at me.

It was some time later that I finally managed to get my head down, yet I woke and felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. Painkillers was what I would need before talking to Hap, I downed a couple and was soon ready to face everyone.

I found Hap to be sat at the bar in his usual spot with a drink and talking to Jax, well at least I wasn’t the only one that looked like shite right now. In all honesty Jax looked like he’d been awake for hours, I hadn’t seen him look this rough in a very long time either.

“Ye look like shite Jackie boy…”

“Hell go and take a look in the mirror Chibs, well unlike some I’m out of here as I have places to be and things to do.”

“Do ye need a hand without lad?”

“I’m fine Chibs and you’re not up to doing much anyway.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence Jax, fine I guess I’ll catch you later then.”

Once Jax was gone I went and sat next to Happy, however a drink was the last thing I wanted right now as I’d consumed enough to last a lifetime.

“What are ye up tae then Hap?”

“You don’t have to butter me up Chibs, Jax already said that you wanted a word with me.”

“Aye lad if ye dinnae mind that is…”

“No just fire away.”

“Jax said ye might know the man that has Juice, or maybe at least have heard of him.”

“You mean Alex Krycek?”

“Aye Hap, so do ye know anything at all and what he might be capable of?”

“He works for some secret organization known as the consortium, he’s a lackey and part time hitman. I met him some years ago, it turned out that we both had the same job to do.”

“What a target?”

“Yeah, not that it mattered who did it as long as it got done.”

“So, who ended up killing the target in the end?”

“We worked together Chibs, we both decided that we’d just torture the man until he died.”

“Great, so Juice is with some psychotic fuck then!”

“Chibs, Alex Krycek is a hitman just like me.”

Shite I suddenly realized just what I’d said, I’d implied that Hap was also psychotic. Well he was, not that we were stupid enough to say it to his face though.

“Sorry I dinnae mean that Hap, look is there anything else you know about him?”

“He was once an F.B.I agent, however I heard that he then went and betrayed his partner.”

“Shite so he betrays his partners and cheats on them, so he might cheat on Juice then.”

“Fuck Chibs get with it will you, he betrayed his work partner as far as I know.”

“So, what do ye think Juice’s chances are with a man like that?”

“Hell, I’ve no idea, what we did was about eight years ago and he could have changed.”

“After the hit I had a few drinks with Alex and we got drunk, however he then said he had to get home to his lover.”

“Thanks’ for this Hap, Juice was the best at finding out stuff and I’m useless when it comes to electronics.”

“Same here Chibs, maybe we might get him back and everything will be okay.”

“God, I hope so Hap, I never realized just how much I miss him.”

“Well I’m here if you need anything else Chibs.”

“I appreciate that, well I suppose I should go and clean up the mess I made at Juices place.”

My head felt better, so I got on my bike and rode off, I’d always had a key to his place in case the lad had any problems. I had to admit that it felt strange coming here today without him, I opened the door and was met with total silence.

Everything was exactly how I’d left it earlier on, well I decided that I’d make a start getting rid of the numerous bottles. It wasn’t long before I’d returned the kitchen to its clean self, I knew that Juice had serious issues with everything been organized in his place.

Once I’d emptied the ashtrays of joints, I went to check out the bedroom, I thought I might as well clean it just in case he came back home. I made the bed and cleaned up the best I could, I then grabbed his jacket and went to hang it up.

I opened the closet and grabbed a hanger; it was at that moment a box fell down from the top shelf. Shite it had only just missed ma fuckin head, I bent down to pick it up and return it to its place. Apparently, the box had come open upon impact with the floor. There all the contents lay spread out in front of me. I could see that they were all photos and picked a couple up, it was then that I was shocked when I saw what and who was on them.

Nearly every photo was of Juice, I also noticed that a few also had Alex Krycek on them too. I also noticed that every single photo had the same thing in common, both men were naked on them all.

Curiosity got the better of me and I looked closer at them, it turned out that Juice was also wearing a black collar too. In some the lad was spread eagled on the bed, then in some of them he was on all fours.

Juice was restrained and blindfolded in most of them, also the majority would be rated as serious hardcore porn. It would appear that Juice had been one hell of a kinky bastard in his past, he also appeared to have a thing for large objects going up his ass.

Even in the photo I could see the handprints that covered his ass, the lad had one hell of an amazing body and shouldn’t hide it with baggy clothes. Suddenly I wanted him as mine, I also wanted far more than just a blow job too.

Shit I didn’t give a fuck about my sexuality, all I wanted was my cock buried deep inside his tight backside and claim his body.


I did as Alex asked and removed all of my clothes, I soon noticed that he was still the same and soon picked them all up. That was a trait that we’d both shared over the years, everything had a place and should be kept there.

“I will look after your clothes for now Juan, just go and lay yourself down on the bed.”

“It’s Juice, no one calls me Juan anymore…”

“In my home it’s Juan, everything has to be how it was between us before you changed.”

“Alex please can’t you just accept…”

“Juan do as I say or the punishment will be far worse, that I promise.”

For some reason I felt more nervous than I ever had in the past, Alex had to accept that I was no longer that lost kid. I had to admit that I’d liked it back then and he’d known just how to turn me on with every touch, I was young and had felt free from all responsibility.

I also knew that punishment with Alex was always just that, I didn’t want to antagonize him more than necessary so I went to the bedroom as told. Shit I then just froze and stood there in the doorway, everything was exactly the same as it was five years ago.

“Shit you really haven’t changed anything have you Alex…”

“No as I liked it how everything was back then, it’s just a shame that you had to go and mutilate your hair like that. What the hell were you thinking Juan, you know how much I loved grabbing you by the hair as we made love.”

“I grew up and changed Alex, I’ve already told you that I moved on with my life.”

“Only because you forgot all about me, you never gave a shit about me once I were inside did you?”

“I grew up so just accept it.”

“I don’t believe you, give me a couple of days Juan and you’ll be begging me to take you back.”

“Yeah you believe whatever you want Alex, you never change and always have to be right all the time.”

“Look just drop it, go lay down on your back Juan and don’t make this any worse for yourself.”

“I thought this was meant to be a punishment, well I guess you won’t be using the whip on me then.”

“Enough fuckin questions, move your ass now Juan or you’ll suffer far worse pain than the whip would cause.”

I decided to keep my mouth shut for now and do as he asked, it couldn’t be that bad if he wanted me on my back. I made my way towards the large four poster bed; I then lay right in the middle like old times. I also made a point of laying on my back as he’d instructed, however at the moment Alex just stood there like a statue staring at me.

“Despite the ink you’re still as gorgeous as ever, shit I’ve no idea what would possess you to get that many tattoos.”

“It was part of the man who I became Alex, my new life and my new family to go with it.”

“I’ve already told you that I’m all the family you have and need, just give it time Juan and you’ll see it my way.”

Suddenly Alex moved and started stripping out of all his clothes, within minutes he’d exposed the body that I still remembered. I had to admit that he was still as gorgeous as he’d always been, I felt far more conflicted right now than I’d ever done in my whole life.

I watched as Alex came and sat beside me on the bed, he then reached over towards the bedpost and grabbed something. Shit I couldn’t believe that he still had the restraints attached to the bed, the leather restraints hung from all four posts taunting me of times gone by.

“Put your arms and legs in place Juan, don’t make this any more difficult than it need be.”

I did as Alex had asked, soon I lay there spread eagled on the bed like some sacrifice on an altar. It didn’t take him long at all to have me fully restrained either, part of me didn’t like this inability to fight if the need arose.

I guess certain aspects of the club had changed me forever, especially my outlook on life and my survival. In the club I had to be prepared for anything, which also meant the need to fight at short notice. That was why Alex restraining me like this scared the shit out of me, it made feel so vulnerable and open to attack from anyone. This was my old life when I had no enemies at all, shit now I had more than I ever thought possible.

Suddenly I found my thoughts drifting back towards Chibs, I’d kept my mouth shut for many years with regards to my feelings towards him. Then one night I get carried away to the point of giving him a blowjob, I guess that I was just lucky that Chibs had no memory of that night whatsoever.

Then I remembered how Chibs had looked at me earlier on, that was the main reason why I couldn’t help kissing him on the lips. I knew however that I’d be dead had Chibs remembered, I’d also be thrown out of the club too. Shit suddenly Alex grabbed hold of my cock, he also made a point of squeezing it far harder than was needed.

“What were you thinking about Juan?”


“Don’t lie to me Juan, I’m not stupid and can see the way your face changes along with other parts of your body.”

“Just my friends that was all.”

“Was one of them special to you, as in a sexual way?”

“What gives you that idea, we are brothers and part of the same club.”

“What about the one you kissed goodbye? Brothers don’t kiss like that upon the lips Juan!”

“Chibs is different, he was the one who stood by me and helped me when I needed someone.”

“So, there was nothing going on sexually between the two of you then?”

“Shit it’s a biker’s club and everyone is straight.”

“Well that’s good to know, I guess you kept your own sexuality quiet Juan?”

“I had no choice if I wanted to be part of the club.”

“I guess you’re telling the truth.”

Finally, he loosened his tight grip on my cock, however within seconds he had it deep within his mouth and I was lost. I withered around on the bed like a wanton slut, five years later and he could still turn me on in seconds.

Alex worked up a rhythm and I felt every nerve in my body tingle, then suddenly my balls tightened up as I neared orgasm. Shit I’d just been on the verge of ecstasy, well that was until Alex moved away from me.

He’d only gone and replaced his mouth with something far worse, the bastard had only gone and put a fuckin cock ring on me. I knew that he was planning to make me suffer now, knowing Alex he’d make me wait hours before I’d find release.

Suddenly I’d lost all track of thought and rational thinking, it was then that I felt his lubed finger slip inside my ass and searching for that special spot. It wasn’t long before he worked a couple more fingers inside me, then he started stretching me with his long elegant and talented fingers.

Shit suddenly he pushed them deep inside me and brushed against my prostate, then just as fast the fingers were gone, and I felt empty once more.

“Juan listen to me, come on focus on what I’m saying to you.”


“I’m going to unfasten the restraints; you will then have five seconds to roll over onto your stomach.”

I lay there as Alex unfastened them all. It was then that I rolled over and prayed he’d fuck me now. Well within minutes he’d secured me with the restraints once more, he then went back to playing with my ass.

Every time Alex caught my prostate I whined and jumped beneath him, shit coming was the only thing on my mind at this moment and I was beyond desperate now.

“You’re so tight Juan, how many has there been in the last five years to fuck your sexy ass.?”

“None, god Alex please there has only ever been you.”

“Good, however I won’t be letting you come anytime soon as that’s part of your punishment Juan.”

I knew that he wasn’t joking, and it would be a punishment, it was then that he removed all his fingers once more. Shit it was then that I felt the pain as he shoved the giant butt plug deep inside me, just to make it worse he forced it against my prostate.


Shite, I’d never in my entire life felt this way about a man before Juice. I slipped a couple of the extremely graphic photos into my pocket, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t miss a couple as there were so many.

Once all sorted, I locked his house back up and headed towards home, I knew exactly what I planned to do once I got back there and was alone. I arrived home and parked my bike, I then had a couple of strong drinks before heading towards the bedroom.

It wasn’t long before I lay on the bed with my own cock in my hand, it also wasn’t long before I became as hard as rock. I soon started to jerk myself off, I knew it wouldn’t take long as I looked at the photo I held.

Also, I had the memories of the amazing blow job the lad had given me, the time I’d even come in his mouth and he’d swallowed it all. I knew afterwards that I’d played ignorant, however that had been one experience I’d never forget.

Soon I was coming with more force than ever before as I imagined it was him, suddenly I felt so exhausted and lost at the thought of everything. I lay on the bed wondering if it were just the sex I wanted from him, it didn’t take me long at all to reach a decision regarding that matter. No matter what I knew just what I wanted, I had feelings for the lad and wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anyone before.

I had to admit that I’d always loved the lad in one way or another, it had just taken his actions to make me realize how much. I could have just brushed the blow job off, put it down to the lad been overly drunk and out of it. Even though I couldn’t deny that he was sober when he’d kissed me, or just how he’d kissed me upon the lips.

I also couldn’t understand just what he’d see in me, I was way older than him and had a really short temper around people. Of course, there had been times that Juice had seen that side of me, there had also been the times he was on the receiving end too.

I was far from proud as to the way I’d hit the lad; it was just sometimes he scared the hell out of me. Right now, I had visions of the lad been held against his will, what if Alex Krycek never let him go and it was too late to express my own feelings.

It was then that I felt sick and wanted to throw up, I didn’t like the idea of never seeing Juice once more. If I wanted to think clearly, I had to slow down and not rush into anything, also I’d need to get some sleep too.

I’d fallen asleep where I lay, come morning I still had the photos of Juice in my hand. I kissed one of the photos and looked at it, then I decided to put them under my pillow for safe keeping and away from prying eyes.

I would have loved to keep the pictures with me as a reminder, however I knew that they could fall into the wrong hands. Juice would never live it down, especially if it were his brothers that found them. Worse would be Tig as he’d get off looking at them, shit he got off looking at a fuckin corpse and was as perverted as they come.

I was soon showered and fully dressed once more, it was time I went over to the club and see if anyone had heard anything with regards to Juice. However, upon arriving I found hardly anyone here, well it turned out that Happy and Jax were inside and might be able to help me.

“Hap can I have a minute?”

“Yeah of course you can, so what’s up then Chibs?”

“You said that you know this Alex Krycek that has Juice…”

“Yeah somewhat, it’s not like were best friends or anything you know.”

“Look is there anyone who knows where he lives?”

“I’ve no idea Chibs, people in my line of work like to lie low you know!”

“Aye I cannae understand that lad.”

It was then that Jax came over and joined in on the conversation, boy was I so thankful too that he’d heard me talking to Hap.

“Chibs why don’t you ask Tig as I’m sure he’ll know.”

“How the hell could Tig know where this man lives Jax?”

“Hap and Opie held back out of sight, they had our back and kept watch just in case we encountered any problems.”

“Aye I’m well aware of that Jackie boy.”

“Yeah well Tigs job was to watch everything else, I believe he even followed them when they left.”

“So ye mean he knows where the lad is?”

“Possibly if he followed them all the way, you’d have to ask Tig to see if he knows.”

“Aye I’ll give him a call now, I take it he’s not here as I never saw him.”

“As far as I know he’s with Venus right now.”

“Aye well thanks for the help Jackie boy, I’ve gotta get going.”

I decided to go outside the club and give Tig a call, it was finally after the sixth ring that he answered.

“Tig here what’s up.”

“Tig it’s Chibs.”

“Yeah well I’m not in today so make it quick Chibs, I told Jax I was busy and to only call if it were urgent.”

“Aye well calm yer self down Tig, this is both personal and urgent.”

“Fine get on with it then Chibs.”

“Jax said that you followed Juice yesterday, I need to know if ye followed him all the way and know where he is?”

“Yeah maybe, but then maybe not…”

“Shite Tig dinnae ye be talking in fuckin riddles man.”

“I followed them, but hell I totally forgot the name of the street or the house number.”

“Shite Tig are ye fuckin yanking ma chain?”

“No Chibs, I swear I wouldn’t do that when Juice means a lot to you.”

“Well fuck…”

“Chibs calm the fuck down and listen.”

“Why the hell should I ‘shite ye were my last chance Tig.”

“I don’t know the exact address and can’t explain it; however, I can take you there and show you the house.”

“Ye really mean it Tig?”

“Yeah Chibs I mean it.”

“So are ye willing tae take me there then, I need to know if he’s been held there against his will.”

“Yeah why the hell not.”

“Thanks, I’ll owe ye one Tig.”

“Yeah you will, but hell I was bored anyway as Venus has things to do.”

“So, when do we go then?

“Meet me outside in one hour, I’m still with Venus so come to her place.”

“Fine I’ll see ye in an hour Tig.”

I got on my bike and drove off, I felt far better knowing that I had Tig with me.


I lay there upon the bed and wanted to come more than ever, I’d had no form of sex with a man and like this for years. All I’d ever had was quick sex with a crow eater, sex with another man was far different from any woman I’d been with.

I had to admit that it felt good to give up all control once more, over the last five years I’d always had to look out for myself and could never truly relax. However, the club had taught me many things over the past few years, one was to never put yourself in a position of weakness.

Here I was without any control and in a position of total weakness, suddenly I lost all rational thought as Alex hit my prostate once more.

“Do you want to come Juan?”

“Fuck yeah!”

“I’m going to let you come in a minute Juan, I don’t want to throw you back in the deep end yet.”

“Fuck… God please Alex just let me come!”

“Fine I’ll allow it now; next time don’t beg Juan, or I’ll make you suffer far worse torture than this.”

“Fine, look I’m sorry and won’t do it again. Please Alex I do Understand.”

“Sometimes I think you understand very little Juan.”

Suddenly my erection was deep within his mouth, it felt far better than anything I’d ever known before. I’d not planned the things that pop into my head, suddenly I imagined the mouth upon me belonged to Chibs. Within seconds I came screaming.

“I take it you like that Juan…”

“Fuck yes!”

“Right I’m going to remove the restraints, then I want you to walk into the bathroom.”

I did as Alex asked, once in the bathroom I just stood there and waited. Nothing had changed at all in here either, suddenly I remembered this part from long ago and what was next.

“Go and stand in the shower Juan.”

“Shit Alex no please, you know how much I always hated this part.”

“Oh, I remember only too well, this was also the reason why you’d always had to be punished so much too.”

“I don’t care, you can fuck off Alex if you think I’m having an enema.”

“You overlook the fact that you don’t have a choice, especially if you want me to let you leave here.”

“Fuck you.”

I took him unaware as I moved, I even managed to slam him into the sink. Shit he was still fast though; within seconds he’d grabbed me and shoved me to the floor. Alex grabbed hold of my head in a vice like grip, he then proceeded to slam it down against the hard floor.

I knew that I’d blacked out from the force he’d used, also the fact that I woke to the feeling of a deep pain within my head and stomach. Soon I remembered where I was and what was causing the pain, I was laid in the shower with a fuckin tube up my ass.

“I always win in the end, or had you forgotten that little fact from before.”

“What, forget what a complete bastard you could be at times!”

“Hey, you never complained in the past.”

“I told you that I’ve changed Alex, shit how much longer do I have to suffer this?”

“Only a few more minutes and it’ll all be over with.”

I’d swear that time had stood still, shit it felt more like hours than minutes as I waited.

“Right can you try and stand up Juan…”

Alex helped me get back up into a standing position, he then just yanked the tube straight out of my abused backside.

“Shit you’re a fuckin bastard.”

“Juan just shut up and move over to the toilet.”

I sat there and my stomach was in complete agony, I’d swear that Alex used far more water than was necessary so that I’d suffer more. Suddenly the pain got worse as my stomach cramped up, it was then that I emptied my body of its contents and all the water.

“How are you doing Juan?”

“Just leave me the fuck alone will you…”

“No come on as you need a shower now, also you will be punished for your behaviour while in here.”

“You’d have punished me one way or the other no matter what I did, you always found a way in the past.”

I had to stand there and feel humiliated; Alex was far from gentle as he washed and scrubbed my body. It was like he was trying to scrub away my past and the last five years, not that it’d work as Samcro were my family.

“Right get in the bedroom and lay down on your back.”

“Like I have a choice.”

I went into the bedroom and lay back down on the bed, I knew within minutes I’d be restrained once more and unable to end this. This time though Alex also did something else, he grabbed a pillow and shoved under my ass making me even more vulnerable.

All I could do was lay here and wait as he walked away, this time I was surprised when he returned holding a blindfold.

“You’ll accept your punishment Juan; however, you won’t see it coming until it’s too late.”

Suddenly I was plunged into darkness and jumped as his finger entered my ass, soon I realized he was applying plenty of lube which was good. It was then that I felt the butt plug once more, it was rather uncomfortable, but I’d had far worse before.

“Lay there Juan, soon I will come and replace it with an even larger one.”

Ha like I could do anything else other than lay here, also I hated it when I had no concept of time whatsoever. To me it felt like a lifetime as I waited for Alex to return, I was bored out of my head and my cock already ached.

He returned silently and I was unaware he was even there, well that was until he yanked the plug out and replaced it with a larger one. It hurt and he was far from gentle as he forced it in, it was like he wanted it to go deeper than was even humanly possible too. At this rate I’d come from this alone, shit that was when I felt the cock ring ending all thoughts of release.

“How’s that feel now Juan.”

“I’ve had worse.”

Shit I never could keep my mouth shut and had to have an answer no matter what, I paid the price as he pressed the butt plug even further in and I couldn’t even come.


I rode over to meet Tig as arranged, I was just so grateful all was not lost, and he’d lead me to Juice. Well I was hoping he was still there, for all I knew Alex Krycek could have taken him anywhere by now.

I pulled up to find Tig already ready and waiting for me, he was stood against his bike on the driveway and waved towards me. Great so much for going straight over to see Juice, I could tell that Tig wanted to talk to me first.

“Ye ready Tiggie?”

“Chibs does Jax know that you’re doing this?”

“I dinnae think he gives a fuck.”

“This Alex bloke paid a million dollars for him, us turning up there could start a fuckin war with the club!”

“Look Tig if ye dinnae like it dinnae come, however I guarantee ye that I’m going and alone if need be. Juice is a brother and I haven’t forgot that, also he’s not just some fuckin bargaining chip.”

“Yeah I get where you’re coming from Chibs.”

“So, are ye with me or not Tig?”

“Yeah I’m with you brother.”

“Thanks, Tig, it really means a lot tae me.”

“Right let’s get this over with then shall we.”

We set off and Tig went ahead of me, I was surprised to find the house was within an hour ride from the club. It appeared to be a really quiet street, hopefully that meant no one would pull a gun and start something.

Once parked up we took a look around and got our bearings, well at least there was only the one single car on the driveway.

“So, what’s the plan Chibs?”

“Plan? We just knock on the door and take it from there.”

“Shit really! Come on, out with the real plan.”

“Look around Tig, shite we cannae start a war in a built-up place like this.”

I watched as Tig took a good look around, he couldn’t help but see the dog walkers and even the kids playing.

“Yeah I see your point.”

“Look if he’s here I don’t think Alex Krycek will start anything; we’re only asking if the lad’s safe that’s all.”

“Fine can we just get this over with then, hey so who’s the one doing the knocking anyway?”

“I will Tig so dinnae worry yer self.”

We walked towards the front door and I knocked gently on the door, I then kept my hand on my gun out of habit as we waited. Finally, Alex Krycek himself came and opened the door, I guess I expected him to have other people here with him.

“What can I do for you gentleman?”

“Look ye know who we are, I just had to know where Juice is and know he’s okay.”

“You know that Juan is here with me, also believe me he’s safe and no harm will come to him.”

“Shit all I want is tae see the lad, I need to know that he’s happy with this arrangement…”

“You have no rights at all mister… sorry what did you say your name was?”

“Chibs, not that it has anything tae do with ye.”

“Look I paid your club good money to have Juan here, he is now mine for the foreseeable future.”

“Look just let ma see him and we’ll leave ye alone.”

“Very well, it’s not like I have anything to hide from you.”

He stood back and gestured for us to enter his home, we were then shown into a small study.

“Please have a drink while you wait.”

“We’re fine, just show us Juice and we’ll be out of here.”

“Very well, it’s just you caught us both at a bad time.”

“Aye and just what the hell do ye mean by that?”

“We were very intimate when you knocked on the door, I just need to go and see if he’s decent or not.”

“Fine ye go and do that then.”

Shite his smart cocky attitude was making my blood boil, also I couldn’t stand the thought of him even touching the lad.

“Ye okay Tig?”

“Yeah I was just wondering if Juice even has a choice…”

“Choice about what?”

“Been kept here, or do you think he’s been held against his will?”

“Shite I have no idea Tig.”

“Chibs if it’s his own choice we’ll have to leave him here, you’ll have to accept it’s what he wants.”

“Aye I’m well aware of that, I just want to hear it from the lads’ own mouth though.”

Suddenly Alex returned and entered the study, I just didn’t like the fact that he was still alone and without Juice.

“So, where the hell’s Juicy boy then?”

“You can see him now, come on and I’ll show you the way.”

“Aye come on then, Tig ye wait here I wullnae be long.”

“Yeah okay Chibs, I might have that drink while I wait.”

I was led along a large hallway; he then opened a door to reveal a bedroom. There in the middle of the room was a large four poster bed, in the middle lay Juice. I couldn’t help but notice both his hands were restrained, also he was covered with a sheet from the waist downwards.

I could see that his body was covered with sweat, shit it was then that I remembered the images from the photos. I had to remember that the lad had been into all this stuff, he also got off on it with this very same man.

“Juicy boy are ye okay lad?”

“Shit what the hell are you doing here Chibs?”

“I had tae see for ma self if ye were okay lad…”

“I’m fine, please just go Chibs.”

“Is he keeping ye prisoner here, just tell me the truth lad no matter what it is.”

“Look it’s between myself and Alex, however I’m here willingly for the next twenty-four hours.”

“Aye well come and find me Juicy, I wannae see ye when ye leave here.”

“I promise that I’ll come Chibs, all I ask in return is that you leave now.”

Alex returned and offered to show me out, however the man had to get his kicks before he let me leave. All I could do was stand here and watch, even my own cock betrayed me and became hard.


I couldn’t believe that Chibby had come here looking for me, I also knew that Alex would punish me because of it too. For some unknown reason he seemed to be egging Chibs on right now, it was like I were his to show off and use.

I guess I’d always been nothing more than just a toy to Alex, deep down he also knew that I fancied Chibs. I also knew when Alex was planning something and when it involved me, it was the way he just stood there watching me.

“So Chibs are you happy that he’s still alive, it’s just Juan and me have a really busy night planned together.”

“Aye well make sure you dinnae hurt him.”

“Believe me Juan can handle a lot despite appearances, he’s extremely active when it comes to the bedroom.”

“Yeah I’ll take yer word for it.”

“Juan maybe you can show Chibs, let him see how much you can enjoy it and let yourself go.”

“Please Alex don’t do this…”

I knew it no longer mattered what I thought or said, Alex would always do what he wanted no matter what. Fuck suddenly I felt the butt plug as it started to vibrate, it was only on low but it was still enough to make me moan.

I couldn’t help but see the control that Alex held in his hand, also that Chibs was looking really worried and upset by this.

“Juicy lad are ye okay?”

“I’m fine Chibby, please you really don’t need to see this.”

“See what lad?”

“Alex please let Chibs leave…”

“Look he was the one who came here to check up on you, the very least we can do is show him how you are.”

“Shit Alex show him what?”

“How much fun you’re having with me, also just what a slut you really are.”

I knew that there was nothing I could do, yet I could tell that he’d turned it up slightly.

“Juan has a state of art electronic butt plug inside him, I can stand here and make him come without even touching him.”

I could see that Chibs wasn’t leaving, why the hell did he have to just stand there and watch me in this state. Shit it was then that I felt the plug vibrate even faster, no way could I avoid the contact it had with my prostate. I couldn’t lay here still and remain quiet, not even if my life depended on it.

“So, Juan should we let Chibs watch while you climax, show him just how desperate you really are.”

“Please Alex…”

“Don’t beg Juan, well it appears he’s a little shy but don’t worry.”

“Is the lad okay?”

God could Chibs just fuck off without asking so many questions, hell this was so fucking embarrassing.

“Juan’s fine, however, soon he won’t care who’s in the room watching him. He will only care about one thing, believe me he’ll be beyond desperate and want to come.”

“Aye well I have tae be going, look just show me and let me leave.”

Fuck Chibs was really just going to stay here and watch me, I bet he’d go back to the club and tell them all what I’d done. I also had this deep-down feeling that they wouldn’t want me back, yet without them I had no one left.

“So, Juan, should we do it slowly. That or I could just turn is straight up to max, show Chibs the slut you really are.”

“I’m sure you’ll just do what you want Alex, hell you always have.”

“Very true, also you do need to be taught a lesson or two.”

Shit suddenly it all became far too intense, Alex had decided to go straight to maximum after all. I couldn’t help myself as I started moaning out loud, also I was getting louder by the second. I started to thrash around on the bed in desperate need, not that I could move much due to the restraints.

“Fuck it, please let me come Alex…”

“Beg like you really mean it Juan.”

“Alex please I can’t take anymore, let me come and I’ll do anything you say.”

Shit I was so fuckin desperate and looked pathetic, yet there stood Chibs just watching me.

“Do you really want to come Juan.”

“You know I fuckin do…”

“You’d better behave then and stop swearing.”

My body felt like it was going to combust, also I was wet from all the sweat that covered my entire body.

“Do you think that we should let him come Chibs?”

“Shite, the lad looks so desperate and in pain.”

“Yes, but you have to admit that he’s such a turn on too!”

“Aye that he is.”

I couldn’t believe that Chibs was still here and replying to Alex, to them I must have meant nothing at all.

“Very well I’ll let you come Juan.”

Suddenly the butt plug stopped vibrating, I then just lay there panting and out of breath. At lease I no longer had to feel the pressure against my prostate, fuck that was when Alex grabbed the sheet and pulled it off me.

I lay here restrained and naked in front of Chibs, not that there was a damn thing I could do about it either. I felt so embarrassed, I soon noticed that without the plug and sheet my erection was going down.

I watched as Alex came over to the bed, he then knelt down beside me and spoke to me softly.

“Let me take that ring off now Juan, you’ve done so well and I’m pleased with you.”

“Thank you, Alex.”

“Hey, don’t thank me yet Juan, it’s not quiet over just yet.”

“Shit what the hell do you mean?”

I lay there as Alex removed the cock ring, he then just kissed me on my forehead and stood back up next to Chibs.

“Keep watching Chibs, you’ll see just how amazing the toys are that you can buy nowadays.”

Shit suddenly he turned the plug from zero to max within seconds, I couldn’t help but scream as I came all over my stomach and chest. That was the last thing that I’d remember for a while, suddenly everything went black as I passed out.


Shite I’d just stood there and watched the lad until he passed out, I’d never felt so turned on as I had while watching him.

“Shite is the lad alright?”

“He’ll remain like that until he recovers, I assure you that I’ve not harmed him in any way at all.”

“Aye well ye would say that, so when can the lad leave if that’s what he wants?”

“He will remain here with me for another day.”

“Aye then what, are ye just going tae let him go?”

“If that’s what he wants yes, that was the agreement that I made with him.”

“What so ye hand over a million for a few hours sex?”

“I’m confident that Juan will want to stay, also this goes way beyond just sex with us.”

“I think you underestimate the lad.”

“Time will tell, shouldn’t you be getting back to your friend now…”

Great I’d forgotten all about Tig, great I bet he heard all the noise Juice had made too. I walked into the study and found Tig where I’d left him, I couldn’t help but notice the gun in his hand either.

“Are you okay Chibs?”

“Yeah, put the gun away and let’s get going.”

“What about Juice, are we just going to leave him here with Krycek?”

“Aye for now we are, apparently we have tae trust Alex here tae do the right thing.”

“I will keep the promise that I made to Juan, how about you come back tomorrow and see for yourself.”

“What for? I thought that ye were letting the lad decide for himself…”

“Oh, I am so don’t worry, however if you’re here you will see for yourself.”

“Aye okay then, what time?”

Make it about three tomorrow afternoon, twenty-four hours from now.”

“Aye I’ll be here dinnae ye worry.”

“Oh, I’m not worried, three tomorrow it is then.”

“Aye, come on Tig it’s time we left.”

We got back on our bikes and headed back home, well maybe back to the club for a few drinks first. I poured myself a large whiskey, god I was in need of it after the day I’d just had.

I’d never seen the lad like that before in all the time I’d known him, hell I’d never even see him fully naked before either. There was also the fact I’d been rock hard as I’d watched him, shit it had been like watching the best live porno ever.

I’d been to Cara Cara, I’d also had my fair share of women too over the years. Juice though was different, I’d never felt this way about anyone before. I’d never been so turned on before either, also to top it off it wasn’t even a woman that had made me feel like this.

I had no idea what it was that the lad had, I did know however that I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. In all honesty I’d always been drawn to Juice, at first it had been in a somewhat different way though. The lad grew on you, shite and he also had the most infectious smile.

I knocked back a few more whiskeys, in all honesty I didn’t want to go home and be alone. Fuck it, tonight I’d just get drunk and stay here with my brothers. I didn’t know how to move forward, hell or even know what I truly wanted.

A large part of me wanted to be with Juice, yet I was scared that I’d drive the lad away with my behaviour. What if I confronted him and had been wrong, it could have just been the drink talking the night he gave me the blow job.

Maybe Juice was drunk and was unaware of what he’d done to me, he had also been doing weed too amongst other stuff. So, I would just tell him what he did and get it over with, well that was if he even decided to come back to the club.

From what I could make out Juice had been partners with Alex for a few years, it also looked like they shared a lot of kinky shit together. I knew that Juice was the needier one by his nature, shit what the hell did I really know about the man.

I’d always felt needed when Juice was around, it was like the lad was scared of been alone. I knew that I was jumping the gun a bit anyway, all I could really do was forget it all and wait until tomorrow came.

If Juice decided to stay that would be the end of it all, there wouldn’t be any point saying anything to him with regards to my own feelings. I downed a couple more glasses of whiskey and went to find an empty room, hopefully I’d drank enough so I’d sleep like a log.

The first thing I did was remove all of my clothes, some sleep and everything might look better in the morning. The minute I lay down everything changed, a naked image of Juice popped into my head and I couldn’t sleep.

To make it worse I remembered how he’d lay there cuffed, unable to do anything at all as he came all over himself. Suddenly I found myself hard despite the whiskey I’d drank, I also knew I had no chance of sleep unless I relieved myself first.

I lay there and started to jerk myself off, I knew it wouldn’t take long with the images I had inside my head of Juice so wanton. I’d never had a relationship with a man or even wanted one in the past, also I’d never wanted to think about having a man fuck me either.

I did start to think about it all though, god how would it feel to have my cock buried in his tight backside. Just pounding in and out of the lad as he cried out my name, fuck it was then that I felt the start of my own orgasm.

As I came, I knew just what I really wanted, I had to have the lad even if it was just once. Within seconds I came all over my own hand, by then I were too tired and fell into a deep sleep.


I woke up sometime later totally exhausted, that was also when everything from earlier came back to me full force. I remembered where I was and whose bed I was in, that also made me wonder where Alex had got to. Well considering the bastard had left me fastened to the fuckin bed, all I could do was lay here and wait for him to return.

I knew that I’d promised Alex at least another twenty-four hours, I just hoped that I didn’t live to regret my decision. Shit it was also at that moment I remembered Chibs, how he’d seen my naked body and me behave like a slut in front of him.

I bet I’d lost him as a friend and a brother, shit I bet he went home and threw up at the thought of what I really was. I had no idea how long I’d lay here just thinking, yet I was so pleased when Alex finally returned as I had cramp in my arms and legs.

“How are you doing Juan.”

“You bastard, I can’t believe that you did that in front of Chibs and then just left me here.”

“I don’t understand what the problem is, shit Juan it never bothered you who saw you naked in the past.”

“Yeah only because they were fuckin strangers, Chibs is my brother and will fuckin hate me now.”

“Juan you must be fuckin blind.”

“What the fucks that supposed to mean Alex?”

“The man was desperate to come when he watched you, he would have fucked you there and then if I’d let him.”

“You’re nothing but a liar, shit Chibs isn’t even gay.”

“You were always so blind and still are, you fancy the scot don’t you Juan.”

“It has nothing to do with you Alex so just drop it.”

“Answer me Juan, remember that you’re in no position to piss me off.”

“He’s my fuckin brother…”

The next thing I felt was Alex’s’ fist as he punched me full on in the stomach.

“You think you’ve grown up Juan, you also think that you know everything.”

“Well I’ve learnt that I don’t have to suffer you Alex, hell or all the shit that you dish out.”

Shit suddenly Alex punched me hard in the stomach again, I knew that come tomorrow I’d be black and blue.

“I can’t do this, look just remove the restrains and let me leave here.”

“You’re not going anywhere Juan, a paid a fuckin million to have you here.”

“Yeah well I’ve changed, and you can’t make me do anything Alex, shit it’s been five years.”

“Twenty-four hours Juan and I’ll let you go, fight me and your friends won’t ever see you again.”

“Is that a threat, Chibs will come here looking for me.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this, it was good once Juan and I love you so much.”

“So, what’s the catch, what the hell do you want from me until I can leave here?”

“You’ll let me do whatever I want Juan, to your mind and your body.”

I knew this was bad, however I knew Alex could make me disappear if that was what he wanted. Alex would have his own way once more, that or I’d suffer and never see my family again.

“Well Juan what’s it to be?”

“Fine you have a deal Alex; some things never change do they…”

“I love you so much Juan, I just can’t understand why you hate me so much that’s all.”

“If you love me, you’ll remove all the restraints and make love to me, yet you always hit me and have to be in control all the time.”

“I can’t change who I am Juan…”

“Yeah well I did change and grew up Alex.”

“Juan you can’t even behave yourself, and fight me all the time.”

“Yeah just like you can’t even prove you love me; words can be cheap Alex.”

I closed my eyes and lay in silence as I’d had enough, it was then that I felt his hands on me as he removed the restraints. After that I felt a warm cloth as he cleaned up my face, then before I knew what was happening he had me in his tight embrace.

“I’ll show you how much you mean to me Juan. Also, how much I really do love you.”

Alex was so tender as he kissed me, first on my cheeks and then upon my lips. Soon I was becoming really turned on. Before I could blame it on the butt plug he’d used on me, this time I had to accept it was Alex that was doing it.

“You’re gorgeous Juan, I will do anything to make you stay and want me.”

“Alex, I don’t…”

“No talking Juan, just lay there and feel everything that I do to you.”

Suddenly he moved his mouth away from mine, he had now clamped it tight around my tender nipple. I struggled so hard not to moan out loud, however I knew from the start it was a losing battle.

I’d always been vocal when it came to sex, I also knew that I’d come apart before he finished with me or even touched my erection.

“Are you hard for me Juan…”

“Fuck yes it’s for you’ please just fuck me Alex…”

“I’m going to make love to you Juan, I have five years to catch up on lover.”

“I need to feel you inside me right now.”

“I see you’re still a demanding little slut Juan.”

“Fine make love to me Alex, make me feel really good.”

It was then that I felt his mouth upon me, my cock felt like it was inside a warm vacuum of pleasure. Alex took my cock as deep as it would go, after that he also started sucking on each of my balls in turn. I was in heaven right now, yet this small part of me wished that it was Chibs that I were with.

Trouble was I knew Chibs would never want me in a sexual way like this, also at least I felt somewhat safe here with Alex. It was then that I felt him part my ass cheeks and enter me, he then started working up a rhythm in and out of my ass.

It wasn’t long before I came all over the bed, then not long after I fell asleep in Alex’s arms and never even dreamt of Chibs.


The next morning, I woke and felt like shite, yet I knew I that I had to get up and sort myself out. I had until three today to get my head sorted out, as after that it might just all be over if Juice decided to stay with Alex. First on the agenda was to sober up and go home, also take a shower and get cleaned up too.

I guess I’d also have to decide whether I was going on my own or not, I’d forgot all about asking Tig to come with me. Shite then I had to wonder if it would even be safe to go alone, deep down I knew that I had to go even if it meant going alone.

I got out of bed and grabbed all of my stuff, I planned to grab a strong black coffee before setting off for home. It was still early and the clubhouse was deserted, well it looked like I’d have to make my own coffee then.

In the space of an hour I’d sat here and smoked loads, I was even on my second cup of coffee too. I heard the door open and instantly looked up to see who had entered, I had to admit that I was surprised to see Happy here so early.

“Ye shit the bed lad?”

“No, I just had some stuff to do that’s all.”

“Ye okay Hap?”

“Yeah my bike’s having problems, I just thought I’d fix it before the garage opened.”

“Aye good idea.”

“Any news on Juice yet Chibs?”

“I have tae go see Alex Krycek at three today, he said that the final decision must come from Juice.”

“I’m surprised he’s willing to let Juice go, especially after paying that kind of money to get him back.”

“Aye Hap so am I, I just dinnae want tae be walking in tae a trap.”

“Who are you taking with you Chibs?”

“No one as of yet, I was trying to decide if I should just go alone.”

“Like fuck man!”

“Look Hap I won’t risk anyone else getting hurt, I’ll go alone if I have tae.”

“Hey Chibs, Juice is still a brother.”

“Aye I know that Hap and that’s why I want him back here.”

“How about I go with you, I’ve met the bloke and have a feel for shit like this.”

“Ye dinnae mind lad…”

“Of course I don’t mind Chibs, I’ll fix my bike and be at yours by two.”

“Thanks, it really means a lot Hap.”

“Go home then and sort yourself out Chibs.”

“Aye, I’ll see ye at two then.”

I went and got my bike then rode home, I had to admit that I felt a lot better taking Hap with me. I knew he wasn’t one to be crossed by anyone, no matter who they were.

Once home I took a long shower, soon I was dressed and ready to go. It was a shame that I still two hours before Hap was due over. Maybe I could clean the place up a bit while I had time, I was hoping I could talk Juice into staying here if he came back.

I also knew I’d have to explain a few things to the lad, like how I suddenly wanted him as far more than just a brother. Maybe I could just bring him back and get him drunk, a few drinks and then just blurt it all out. Okay maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, well I knew I’d have to move, or I’d drive myself insane.

I decided to spend my time cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, in all honesty both rooms were long overdue a good clean. I’d hardly been here, and the bedroom literally took minutes to make the bed and clean, after I quickly ran the vac over the place and was pleased with my progress.

Once all sorted I started pacing up and down once more, it was only a few minutes later that I heard Hap arrive outside. I rushed over and opened the door ready to leave, shit that was when I noticed Hap turn his engine of and walk towards me.

“I thought ye would wannae get going Hap, I’ll be ready in a minute!”

“Chibs we’ll be way too early if we set off now.”

“God, I need a fuckin drink, all this waiting’s doing ma head in.”

“Chibs you can drink as much as you want later after it’s all over with.”

“Right ten minutes and we leave here Hap.”

“Juice means a lot to you doesn’t he Chibs…”

“Aye lad that he does, I think I love him…”

“Yeah we all love him too.”

“No not love him, I’m in love with him.”

“Shit are you serious Chibs!”


“What if Juice doesn’t want to come back.”

“Then I’ll never tell him, it will be easier on everyone that way.”

“Yeah for him because he won’t even know, what about you though Chibs?”

“I’ll have tae live with his choice lad.”

“Shit life can be so fucked up.”

“Aye ye can say that again Hap, come on I need tae get out of here.”

“Yeah okay we’ll ride over and wait until three.”

“Aye if ye say so Hap.”

“Chibs I’ll deal with Alex Krycek, you just need to find out what Juice wants to do. You need to make sure it’s his choice, for all we know Krycek could be blackmailing him.”

“Aye true.”

Finally, we were on our way and I was a nervous wreck, to think this would all be over within the hour.


I’d woke with a body that ached beyond belief, also I could feel the warm body that was pressed against me. All the memories from last night came flooding back, I remembered how Alex had made love to me and I’d craved it more than life itself.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, it should have been so easy to just walk away and forget about Alex. Now he’d changed all that by making love to me, shit I realized just how pathetic and needy I really had become.

I knew that I’d wanted Chibs for a long time, yet part of me also still wanted Alex too. Now I’d have to re-evaluate my feelings for Alex, our relationship in the past only ever included him been in charge. Did I truly love Alex as a person, or was it just the sex that still appealed to me?”

Shit why did my life always have to be so fucked up, I never seemed to get anything right and sometimes wondered why I still bothered. I knew I’d have no problem with Alex wanting me, he’d always loved me and would always be there for me too.

Then there was Chibs, shit a man who’d perhaps hate me now with a passion. He’d seen me kneel before Alex, he also now knew that I was a gay and wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me. I was just a fucked-up idiot, I knew that I was also lucky Chibs hadn’t remembered the blow job and what I’d done to him.

Now my head ached from all this thinking, I guess that I’d always found it hard making my decisions in life. Also, it wasn’t just Chibs either as there were my brothers and the club too.

It was then that my thoughts turned to Chibs once more, the man who’d seen me naked and watch me behave like a slut as I came. I’d felt so sick and cheap at the time, yet Chibs had just stood there silently watching me. He’d not even tried to leave, hell or even turn away for that matter.

I started to wonder if Chibs had even been turned on by how I behaved, that or had he just stood there and watched me in disgust. It was at that moment that I realized it all fell onto me, I could choose Alex or the club and Chibs.

I loved the idea of been part of the club as it was my family, also there was the freedom that my bike gave me too. It was obvious that Alex hated my hair and the tattoos, would he also refuse to let me keep my bike too.

Basically, would he just go back to his old ways, how long would it be before he would want to be fully in control once again. At present I had no idea what to do, maybe first I should find out what my brothers thought of me after everything.

I lay there just thinking as Alex remained fast asleep, it was then that I could hear a phone ringing somewhere in the distance. Alex was alert and instantly awake within seconds, he then gave me a lingering kiss before getting out of bed.

“Stay there Juan.”

Like I really had anywhere to go at the moment, I watched as he pulled the phone from a draw and looked at me. I looked as he smiled and then left the room, it annoyed me that he’d left the room to take the call.

I decided to lay there quiet and try listening, I guess I was interested in who he’d be talking to that he had to stop me from hearing it. Alex was always the on in charge while I was left in the dark, that’s why I couldn’t understand why it worried him if I heard.

“Two days, yeah I’ll do the best I can, but you know who I work for Mulder.”

So, it wasn’t the consortium, whoever Alex was talking to was called Mulder. God I so wished I could hear the other side of the conversation, I listened once more as Alex resumed the conversation.

“Sorry look I’m stressed right now and will deal with it soon, yeah it’s a risk and I don’t want to end up back inside already. Fuck you Mulder, it’s not your neck on the line is it?”

Great either Alex was seeing someone else, that or he was double crossing the consortium once again. I knew if I stayed this would become my life once more, I’d thought the club was bad at times, but it was nothing compared to the people Alex knew.

I knew what Alex did, I also knew the men he worked for too. Shit so many facts to take into consideration, also so little time to work it all out and make a final decision. I heard the toilet flush and then Alex returned, he came over to the bed and lay back down beside me like nothing had happened.

“Let me make love to you again Juan…”

Shit I realized that there was also my name to add to that list, would Alex ever accept that my name was now Juice. In five years, I’d become someone else, Alex would have to let Juan go and accept the past was just that.

“Alex my name’s Juice now, can’t you at least respect it and call me it?”

“Fine if it makes you happy, Juice can I make love to you…”


That one word was all I managed to say, I had to wonder if this would be the last time I’d do this with Alex, all I knew was that the clock was ticking and that time waited for no one.


I was so thankful that Hap had agreed to come with me to see Juice, I had no idea how I’d react if the lad decided to stay with Alex Krycek. We both parked our bikes up and headed towards the front door, I knocked and then we stood there and waited to see if anyone would even answer. It wasn’t long before Alex appeared at the door, he opened it and had this smug smile on his face.

“Come in, I’m glad that you decided to show up as we’d arranged.”

“Yeah so am I.”

It was like he already knew what Juice had planned to do, hell maybe he did! Suddenly I felt sick inside with worry, maybe I was just setting myself up for a big fall.

“Come in, you can both take a seat in the study.”

“Where’s Juice?”

“I’ll go and get him now, please just sit for a couple of minutes.”

Well Alex appeared really happy and confident about everything, while the only thing I could do was sit here and wait. Finally, he returned with Juice in tow, well at least the lad looked calmer than last time I’d seen him.

“How are ye doing Juicy boy?”

“I’m fine Chibs, I’m glad that you and Hap came.”

“You’re still a brother Juice and we love ye.”

“I’m grateful, I guess I thought you might all hate me now…”

“Aye well ye thought wrong lad.”

“Thank you, it means so much to me.”

“Aye well have ye made a decision yet lad?”

I watched as Juice looked around the room, he looked at all of us without saying a word. I could see that he was deep in thought, also I knew the lad was finding this really hard.

Juice had a really soft side to him and wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, yet this was a decision where someone would get hurt no matter what. It was like time stood still before anyone actually spoke, it was Alex in the end that broke the silence.

“Juan only you can end this, no one will hate you no matter what you decide.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Aye lad, what Alex just said is true. None of us will hate ye, but it has to be ye that decides what ye’ll do.”

“Fine I get it.”

“Juicy boy have ye even made a decision?”

“Yeah Chibs I have…”

“Come on then out with-it lad.”

“It wasn’t a spur of the moment thing, I thought about everything and what I really want from my life.”

“Aye I can imagine it wasn’t easy lad.”

“I’m so sorry Alex, I love you so much but I’m not that person anymore. I want the life back that I have now, my family and the club.”

“Juan please…”

“I asked you to call me Juice, hell you can’t even manage that can you. I’ll never be Juan again, I’m Juice now and the club are my family.”

“You won’t change your mind, will you?”

“No Alex, I’m sorry but it ends right now. I just want to grab my jacket and go home.”

“Fine I’ll go and get it for you.”

Once Alex left the room I relaxed somewhat, even though I knew Juice was struggling to keep himself together right now.

“Ye okay lad?”

“Yeah I’m fine Chibs, just a bit tired that’s all.”

“Aye I’ll take ye home on ma bike soon.”

“I’m so fucked up Chibs, shit I’m scared of been alone again. I always think about everything too much, everything gets confused in my head when I think too much.”

“Look ye can stay at my place for a few days lad, get yer head sorted back out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Aye I’m sure Juicy boy.”

It was then that Alex entered the room and handed Juice his cut, I had to admit the man looked really upset.

“I’ll always be here for you Juan no matter what, if you change your mind come and find me.”

“Yeah okay and thanks for understanding Alex.”

Suddenly Alex put his arms around the lad and hugged him tight, I could see the endless tears that fell from him as he lost the man he loved. I knew that Juice would need time to deal with this, also I’d prefer him to be at my place so I could keep an eye on him.

“Come on lad it’s time we made a move.”

“Goodbye Alex.”

I noticed that Alex was too upset to even answer the lad, I’d just be happy when we left in case Juice changed his mind. Within five minutes we were out of there and on our bikes, Juice rode on my bike with me as we finally headed for home.


I felt bad that I’d just gone and left Alex like that, I just had to admit that deep down it was for the best as he wouldn’t change. At least I still had my family that would support me, plus I was glad that I had Chibs too.

It also felt really strange having to ride with him, I could even feel his heartbeat beneath my hand as I held him. This time I had an excuse to hold on to him tight without him questioning it, the hardest part would be having to let go again.

Chibs had decided that we’d go by the club first despite how nervous I was, then afterwards I would stay with him for a few days until I sorted my head out. Well at least going to the club meant I could collect my bike and it was safe, it wasn’t like I could afford another one anytime soon.

The minute we arrived everyone met me and gave me a hug, well at least they all appeared okay with me for now. Sometime later after a few drinks it all started to change, paranoia was starting to rear its ugly head once more.

I’d heard Tig make a couple of jokes, as usual it was a sexual joke and seemed to be aimed at me and my sexuality. Like an idiot I tried to listen in and see what exactly was been said, apparently Tig was telling Chibs to try it on with me in his own crude way.

“Chibs just go for it, he’s a quick and easy fuck so what’s the problem?”

“It dinnae seem right after what he’s been through, also… oh never mind Tig.”

“Is it because he’s a man, just close your eyes and pretend he’s a crow eater.”

“Aye that sounds like something ye would do Tig.”

“Yeah and why the hell not!”

“So, I fuck him and have some fun, like I said I couldn't do that tae him.”

Jesus it sounded like Chibs wasn’t even into men, Tig wanted him to fuck just for the hell of it like I meant nothing. Is that all I’d become around here, a joke to just be used and thrown away afterwards. I had to get out of here and fast, my head was swimming and I wanted to throw up.

“Chibs I’m going now, look I can just stay at my own place if you want?”

“No Juicy I’ll come with ye now, I dinnae want ye to be on her own for a while.”

“Great thanks for the concern…”

“Aye well ye dinnae sound tae pleased lad, so what’s up with ye then?”

“Chibs I’m just tired and want some sleep, look I’ll just use a room here then you can stay.”

“No, come on I’m ready now.”

I followed him outside, and the night air helped clear my head, at least it was only a ten-minute ride to Chibs place.

“Come on in Juicy boy and make yer self at home, do ye want a drink or something?”

“Yeah something strong would be good.”

“I’ve got the usual whiskey.”

“Yeah that’ll do.”

I sat down on the couch and waited, within seconds Chibs passed me a large glass of whiskey. I thought nothing of it as I drank it all straight down, fuck I suddenly realized just what a big mistake I’d just made.

I lay my head back against the couch, shit I was struggling not to throw up and it was a losing battle.

“What the hell are ye thinking lad, ye cannae drink it that fast.”

“Just leave me alone Chibs.”

“Ye cannae talk tae me about anything lad…”

“And say what? I’m a total fuck up at everything I do, oh and just to top it off I’m also gay!”

“Do ye think that bothers me lad, I dinnae give a shit about her sexual preferences or what ye do.”

“Maybe it bothers me that you stood there and watched, Jesus Chibs you should have just left.”

“Aye well I dinnae have much choice lad, not that ye have anything tae be ashamed about.”

“Are you gay Chibs, he'll or maybe even bisexual?”

“I’ve no idea lad, it’s not something I’ve given much thought to.”

“Jesus Chibs, do I have to make it simple for you and spell it out…”

“Aye maybe ye do lad.”

Shit I knew that I was asking for trouble, I was surprised that Chibs hadn’t already smacked me.

“Fine I’ll just ask you out right, Chibs do you want to fuck me?”

“Juice what the hell’s got into ye lad!”

“Fine, did I turn you on then…”

“I think we've had way too much tae drink Juicy.”

“Fuck you Chibs, all I want is an answer.”

“I think ye need tae go take bed lad, sleep it off and we’ll talk in the morning.”

Maybe he was right, and I’d drank too much, if I kept it up I might lose Chibs for good.

“Fine you’ll have to move though.”

“Juice just take the bed, I’m not tired and will eventually fall asleep on the couch.”

“If you’re sure Chibs…”

“Juice go and get some sleep lad.”

I did as Chibs had asked, soon I was glad to finally be in a comfortable bed and relax. I stretched out and went to get the pillows how I wanted them, it was then that my hand found something hidden under there.


I poured myself another large drink, I knew I’d need Juice to calm down before I’d be able to tell him anything. At the moment I’d no idea what was wrong with him, he was just acting rather paranoid at the moment. I’d been surprised that he’d actually come back with me to my place, to me it felt like the lad was blaming me for everything.

Soon the whiskey started taking effect on me, I lay my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. I’d lied to Juice just so he’d go to bed, the lad would need plenty of sleep and a clear head for morning.

It felt strange knowing the lad was here and, in my bed, what I’d give to be in there with him right now. Soon I was drifting into a deep sleep right where I sat, it was the sudden loud bang that brought me back to reality.

I opened my eyes and the first thing I did was grab my gun, yet all I saw was Juice just standing there. Apparently, he’d been the one that slammed the door open, I also noticed that he was still fully dressed too including his boots.

“I thought ye were off tae bed lad?”

“Fuck you Chibs, there’s no way in hell I’m staying here with you.”

“Calm the hell down, what the hell am I supposed tae have done now Juicy?”

“You just wanted to use me, get your kicks out of fucking with my head.”

“Juice I’ve no idea what yer talking about lad, calm down and we can talk.”

“Fuck you…”

I stood and went to grab hold of the lad and soon realized my mistake, the lad had been fast and was now stood there with his gun pointing at me.

“Shite Juicy it cannae be that bad, ye know ye wullnae shoot me…”

“Do you really want to try me?”

“I came and got you, all I wanted was for ye tae be safe.”

“You just wanted me, nothing more than that Chibs.”

“Ye have lost me lad.”

“You just wanted to use me, well fuck you because I’m leaving.”

“Please Juice.”

“Goodbye Chibs.”

“Shite Juice I’m in love with ye.”

“Shit Chibs you’re even sicker than I thought, just go and look on your bed if you want something to jog your memory.”

“Fine ye stay there then.”

I walked into my bedroom and saw the problem, shit I’d forgot all about the photos I’d left under the pillow. I rushed out of the bedroom so I could explain myself to him, that was when I knew it was too late as I heard his bike start up.

I presumed that Juice would just go back to the club, it wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go as he hated been alone. I grabbed my own cut and soon headed out; I’d had a few drinks but should be okay to ride.

Well at least it was late and the roads were now deserted, at least I’d be at the club within no time at all. I pulled into the Teller Morrow lot, the first thing I noticed was the lad’s bike. Well maybe I should say the lack of his bike, shit where the hell would Juice go now.

I decided to call in now since I was here, maybe someone had heard something from the lad or seen him. Inside I found Jax and Hap, other than them two the club was relatively empty.

“I thought you’d gone home Chibs.”

“Aye Jackie lad so did I!”

“Did you forget something?”

“No, I’m looking for Juice as he disappeared on me.”

“Only you could lose someone Chibs.”

“Aye well it’s not funny Jax, he was pissed off with me and I’m worried about him.”

“I’m sure he’ll turn up, maybe he’s just gone to let some steam off.”

“Aye maybe, I’ll take a ride around and see if I can find him.”

“Yeah okay call if you need me, night Chibs.”

“Aye goodnight Jax.”

I went back to my bike and left, where the hell would the lad go? Maybe he’d decided to go home after all, well I knew I had nothing to lose by trying. Yet when I arrived the place was in total darkness, also the drive way was empty too.

Well I still had the lads key on me, I’d just take a quick look and see if he’d even been back home. I found all the cupboards open in the kitchen, it appeared he’d been back and was looking for something.

It wasn’t like I had a clue as to what it was, I decided I’d also check the bedroom as I was here anyway. There on the bed was the open box of photos, it also looked like Juice had ripped a lot of them up too.

Then my thoughts turned to Alex Krycek, the man who’d been a huge part of the lads’ life in the past. Just maybe Juice might go back there if he felt used by me and the club, I guess he didn’t really have anyone else left.


I’d never felt so betrayed and used as I did right now, Chibs had even tried saying he was in love with me so I’d stay there with him. Why the hell was the man so desperate to fuck me, secretly I bet that he and Tig had made a bet and put money on it.

Well I refused to be used like that by any of them, I’d decided it was something that I never wanted to happen again and that part of my life was over. Ha yet here I was willing to go back to Alex, maybe I’d been too hasty, and he might change after a while.

I’d decided to call home first, like an idiot I thought it would all be over if I just destroyed all the photos. After I’d ripped a few I’d burst into tears and gave up, I realized that there was no point as nothing would change that easily.

I couldn’t change what Chibs had already seen, shit or what he’d seen me do right in front of his very own eyes. The pictures were just secondary to everything else, I guess I’d just hoped for an easy escape route out of this mess.

In the end I’d just left them all on the bed and had ran out, maybe out of sight I might just forget about them all for now. I’d go and see Alex, even if he hadn’t changed, I knew he’d give me the punishment I so much craved.

I pulled up outside his house and turned my engine off, the first thing I noticed was the car on the driveway. I only had two questions running through my head at the moment, whose car was it and dare I still knock?

I guess I could have always just gone back home, ha what when I knew that would mean been alone once again! Well I figured Alex could either let me in or turn me away, without knocking I’d never know.

I got off my bike and walked over towards the door, I couldn’t help myself as I felt the car on my way past. Well it appeared to be cold, whoever it was had been here for a while. Fuck this, I had no idea why I were so afraid to knock.

Finally, I plucked up the courage and banged on the door, within seconds I noticed the light that came on from within. I was taken back as the door finally opened, it appeared that it wasn’t Alex and I’d never seen this man before.

“May I help you?”

“I’m looking for Alex Krycek.”

“And just who might you be?”

“I could ask you the same question, look I need to see him right now…”

“Look mister whoever you are, Alex is inside and too busy to see anyone right now.”

“Look I don’t give a shit, just tell him it’s Juan.”

“Yeah Alex has mentioned you a few times.”

“Look I just want to see him as it’s urgent.”

“Are you sure that’s what you really want? Oh, and by the way I’m special agent Fox Mulder of the F.B.I.”

“Shit you’re a fed, oh god is Alex alright?”

“Yeah, he’s more than okay, I can show you if that’s what you really want…”

For some reason I didn’t like his attitude but followed him inside regardless, it wasn’t long before I realized we were heading towards the bedroom.

“Where the hell is he?”

“Here take a look for yourself.”

I looked into the bedroom and suddenly wanted to throw up, I really couldn’t understand the sight before me as this wasn’t the Alex I knew. There on the bed lay Alex, to top it off he was also naked and cuffed to the bed.

“What the fuck have you done to him?”

“Hey, don’t blame me, I only did what he wanted me to do!”

“Like hell, he would never let anyone do this to him…”

“No wonder you were so easy for him to manipulate, fine just give me a minute then.”

I watched as this Mulder bloke moved, he went over towards the bed and knelt down beside Alex.

“I’ll remove the gag; you’ll then have five minutes and he can tell you himself it’s what he wants.”

I was so confused and emotional right now, hell I didn’t even know if I wanted to scream or run. Mulder removed the gag and kissed Alex upon the lips, he then just turned and left us both alone.

“Juan come over here.”

“What’s the point Alex, shit why the hell would you do this to me now?”

“I’ve always been like this; I just knew that it was something you’d never do to me Juan.”

“It’s not whether I could do it or not! It’s the fact that you never even asked me or told me about it.”

“God I’m so sorry Juan.”

“How long have you been with him Alex?”

“It started long before I went to prison, at first it was just the one night a week that I never saw you.”

“You fuckin bastard, so all that shit you spewed out about loving me…”

“Juan, I do love you, but I could never give up what I do with him no matter what.”

“So basically, you’d have two timed me if I’d stayed, hell you always have been two timing me and I’m just fuckin blind.”

“I’m sorry but I can’t change the past Juan.”

“Fuck you and fuck him, where the hell has he gone anyway?”

“Juan don’t be fuckin stupid, he’s FBI and gets pissed off easy.”

Fuck this as I was beyond listening to anyone now, first Chibs and now Alex too.


I rode over to where Alex Krycek lived, there outside was a car along with the lad’s bike. Well at least I now knew where the lad had got to, not that I expected Juice to listen to a word I said now. I knocked on the door and waited, soon some bloke answered the door to me.

“Do you lot ever give up, two in one fuckin night!”

“Where’s Juice?”

“What’s it to you?”

“He’s a brother and I want tae see him right now, I wouldn’t try stopping me either if I were ye.”

“Look I’m a federal agent and a pissed off one at that, he’s talking to Alex and no way am I letting you in there with him.”

“Look just let me see him and I’ll leave.”

“You can leave now, or I’ll have you arrested.”

“Ye dinnae scare me at all.”

“I want no trouble tonight; I’ll pass a message on and that’s all you’ll get.”

“Aye just tell him that Chibs is looking for him will ye, also tell him he’s got it all wrong tae.”

“Fine I’ll pass along the message.”

As he shut the door, I knew there was nothing I could do, well other than walk away that is. I went over to my bike and tried to think, shit I had no way of talking any sense into the lad now.

I couldn’t decide whether to stay or go home, maybe I could wait a bit and catch him as he left. My biggest problem was the fact I hated waiting; it was also freezing cold out here now.

I waited for a while; however Juice never came out in the time I was there. All I could do now was go back home; I’d just have to hope that the fed passed my message on to Juice. Even so I knew Juice might not listen, especially after I’d told him that I loved him.

From his point of view, I was as low as they came, to say something like that just to get him into bed. I set off and headed back home, not that I knew what I’d do once I were back. I had to admit though that it felt good to be back in the warmth, I grabbed the open bottle of whiskey and decided to go to bed and drink until I passed out.

Shit I then realized the photos were still there, I knew this was what had started this whole string of events. I felt pissed off and shoved them in a draw out of sight, just the sight of them made me want to throw up now.

I finally lay down on the bed with the booze, shit all I could smell in the bed was Juice from earlier on. He’d still be here now if not for me, my stupidity had drove him away.

I should have destroyed the photos; no I’d hid them in my bed and then let Juice sleep there. I drank far more than I should, not that it mattered as I was past caring about everything.

Deep down I had a feeling I’d fucked up with the lad and lost him for good, shite the lad was highly strung out at the best of times. I guess that was one of the things I loved about the lad, he was so different to the rest of my brothers.

Juice was soft, he also tried way too hard to please everyone around him no matter what. That was not his best quality though, I knew that a lot of people took advantage of him and his good-hearted behaviour.

The more I drank the more depressed I became, yet no matter what I couldn’t stop myself from finishing the rest. Slowly my eyes started to close and sleep finally came, yet it was far from pleasant when it did claim me.

I dreamt that Juice had gone back to Alex, also that I spent the rest of my life alone and without him. Then I dreamt that Alex was constantly getting beat up by Alex Krycek, I suddenly jolted awake and sat upright in the bed.

Shite I hadn’t even realized the empty bottle was still in the bed with me, well that was until it fell onto the floor. I was an idiot and had drank far too much, for all I knew Juice might need me.

All I really needed was to get some decent sleep, I was just drifting off to sleep as my phone rang. I fumbled in my pocket and realized I was still dressed; however I was so pleased when I noticed that it was Juice calling me.


“Juice talk tae me lad.”

“I can’t Chibs…”

“Please I’m here for ye lad…”

I could hear other voices in the background, I could also hear someone yelling at Alex not to do it. Shite my mind was really working overtime now, I grabbed my cut and headed back towards Alex’s place once more.


It was then that Mulder came back into the bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice he had his gun drawn this time. Shit it was like time just still as I stood there, it was then Alex who spoke first.

“Mulder put the fuckin gun away.”

“He has to learn Alex; you shouldn’t have fuckin brought him back here!”

“Yeah well I did…”

“He’s just a low life fuckin biker and thug.”

Now the bloke was really starting to piss me off, to be honest everyone was pissing me off right now.

“Fuck you, you think you’re better than everyone else just because you’re a fed.”

“Yeah well I’m the one who can arrest you, also the police are on the way.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

With that I lunged at Mulder and punched him in the face, he then stood there holding his bleeding nose.

“You’ll do time for that…”

“I don’t give a fuck, you deserved that and more!”

It was then that the bastard went and pulled out his cuffs, he also removed the safety on his gun.

“Move now, go in the kitchen and sit the hell down.”

The fed looked really pissed off with me now, I just had to hope he wasn’t trigger happy too.

“Yeah whatever, look I’m moving.”

I went into the kitchen and sat on a chair, within seconds he had one arm cuffed to the back of the chair.

“Don’t fuckin move…”

“Shit where the hell are you going?”

“Just to free Alex before the police arrive.”

Within minutes Mulder returned with Alex, well at least the man was no longer naked and would hopefully deal with the fed.

“Juan, I told you not to mess with him.”

“Shit you think I’m scared of a fed Alex!”

“What the hell happened to you Juan, I thought you got what you wanted earlier today?”

“I grew up and learnt everyone just lies and uses me.”

Shit it was then that I heard the sirens in the distance, the bastard really had called for backup. I was cuffed to a fuckin chair for crying out loud, it was about then that the panic started to set in.

Everything had been good only a couple of days ago, now I knew I’d gone and lost it all including my family. Mulder left the room and went to answer the door; it was then I took out my phone. I had Chibs on speed dial and pressed the button, yet I lost my nerve the minute I heard his voice.

I managed to say his name, it was then that I heard Mulder shouting at Alex. It was then that the room filled with noise, there was shouting and a couple of officers were here to arrest me. I knew I’d go down this time, I’d just punched a federal agent for fucks sake.

“You should have left Juan; prison will be the end of you and you know it.”

“Yeah well it shouldn’t bother you Alex, at the end of the day you’ll still have your boyfriend.”

“I’m not fucking playing Juan; you won’t survive in there alone and you know it.”

“Yeah well it’s not like I get a choice is it!”

“Yeah you do, shit this is all my fault as I brought you back here.”

“How the fuck do I have a choice…”

The police removed Mulders cuffs and returned them to him, it was then that I was re cuffed with both hands in front of me now.

“I can go with you; shit I still love you so much Juan.”

“Alex they won’t just let you tag along for the hell of it to the station.”

“Fuck the station…”

With that Alex moved fast, it was then I heard Mulder yelling at Alex not to do it. Too late as Alex brought up his fist, shit blood went everywhere as he punched the officer in the face.

“You’re under arrest for assault, turn around now.”

All I could do was stand there and watch as Alex was cuffed, I couldn’t believe he’d done that for me. We were soon both led out and into the waiting police van, reality set in as the van doors were slammed shut on us. It wasn’t until the van moved that Alex spoke, I had to admit that he sounded genuinely concerned about me and how I was doing.

“Juan I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done, all I ask is that you find it in your heart not to hate me.”

“Alex I’ve never hated you; I just wish you’d told me that’s all.”

“Yeah I was a fuckin idiot, I guess I just didn’t want you to look down on me and see me as needy.”

“Great is that how you see me then?”

“Juan, I love you, but alone you could never be what I truly need.”

“So why the hell get arrested then?”

“I still love you no matter what, I don’t want to see you hurt or dead Juan.”

Alex turned and kissed me on the lips, shit I was now far more confused than ever.


I rode over there as fast as I dare go, everything there appeared the same as it was before. I parked up and got off my bike, that was when I noticed the front door wide open.

Well it appeared that the fed was still here, along with the car I also noticed Juice’s bike still here too.

“Hey ye know where Juice is, I need a word with him right now…”

“He’s not here.”

“Where the hell is he, Juice wullnae have left without his bike.”

“He would if he had no choice.”

“Just fuckin tell me, I have no problem hitting a fed believe me.”

“Yeah well Juice thought the same way as you, now he’s on his way to the local police station.”

“Ha I take it the lad did that tae ye nose then!”

“You won’t be laughing when he goes to prison, hitting a federal agent is a serious offence.”

“What yer pressing charges then?”

“Too damn right I am, everything was going alright until he showed up.”

“Aye well that wasn’t his fault, that bastard even paid tae get the lad back.”

“Yeah well he’ll regret it now too.”

“Aye well I dinnae give a shit about him, I bet he’s hiding now the lad has been arrested.”

“Alex is my lover; he also isn’t the type to run away from his problems.”

“So, what’s a fed doing with a convict then.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Look you get him out here, that or I’ll make it ma business.”

“He’s not here Alex got arrested along with Juice.”

“Just what the hell went on here?”

“Alex got himself arrested on purpose, he did it so he could protect Juice.”


“Yeah well he didn’t think Juice would survive prison alone.”

“Aye but I thought ye said Alex was yer lover.”

“He loves Juice, however it’s complicated and Alex needs more than Juice can give him.”

“Such as…”

“Look Chibs Alex needs a master at times too, however Juice hasn’t it in him to take on that kind of role.”

“Aye well the lad has problems of his own.”

“Yeah well Alex still loves the lad and has a soft spot for him, that’s why he wouldn’t hang him out to dry.”

“So, he really did it just tae protect Juice, shite what will Alex expect in return?”

“I’ve no idea, I guess you’d have to ask Alex that.”

“Can’t you just drop the charges, hell then neither of them would have tae go tae prison.”

“I can’t as Alex hit a police officer, also I’m going to have to explain this to my boss.”

“Aye I can imagine that’ll be hard, especially him been a criminal and all.”

“Look you know nothing about me or Alex, at the end of the day I have a job to do and need to go.”

“Aye I’ll send a prospect over tae collect his bike, is there anything else here that belongs tae the lad?”

“No just the bike.”

“Okay I’ll head off towards the station then.”

“I doubt they’ll let you see him now, lose the cut and pretend to be a relative or something. It might just work, other than that you haven’t got a chance in hell.”

“Aye well thanks for the advice.”

“Look I’ll do my best to get them kept together, also Alex has some serious contacts inside that will help with protection.”

“Aye Juice wullnae cope tae well in prison, last time he ended up stabbed after he was used as bait.”

“Yeah he does seem rather unstable.”

“Juice has issues; however, the lad has his heart in the right place and always puts everyone else first.”

“Does he know you love him?”


“Does Juice know that you love him?”

“Of course he does, he’s my brother.”

“Yeah right, I think there’s a bit more to it than that and I am a top profiler.”

“Aye well the lad dinnae know nothing, he thinks I just said it tae make him stay with me.”

“Right you get going, I’ll get in touch with the police station.”

“Aye I’ll be on ma way then.”

I made my way to where they had Juice, hell I knew better than anyone that this would finish the lad off. I thought about Juice and how much I love him, also about the reasons why I felt this way.

It was after midnight when I reached the police station, I then did as the fed said and removed my cut before entering.


It was late when we finally arrived at the police station, we then had to go through the usual process of getting booked in. In no time we found ourselves both locked in a cell together, I went over to the bed and lay down with my eyes closed.

I was extremely tired, also hung over and more pissed off than I thought possible. Deep down I knew that it was my own stupid fault, I was the idiot that hit him knowing that he was a federal agent.

“Juan talk to me…”

“My name’s Juice for fucks sake, stop calling me Juan all the time as it pisses me off.”

“I’m sorry, fine Juice will you talk to me?”

“What do you want Alex?”

“I need to know that you’re okay.”

“Yeah life’s a bed of roses, shit I’ll go down for this no doubt about it.”

“It’s natural to be scared.”

“I’ve done fourteen months before; shit I was stabbed after my own club used me.”

“I have contacts inside and can make sure you’re looked after.”

“Alex just leave me alone, I’m tired and I don’t need this shit.”

I turned away from him and faced the blank wall, I knew I were falling apart and didn’t want Alex to see me crying. Part of me hoped we’d be here a couple of days, hell at least then I’d only have to suffer Alex and that was bad enough.

I tried so hard to fall asleep, yet it just felt so cold and depressing in here now. I had no idea how long I just lay here wide awake; it was sometime later that an officer banged on the cell bars.

“Good news gentlemen.”

I lay there and totally ignored the guard, if I were lucky he might fuck off and leave me alone. Finally, I heard Alex moving around, it wasn’t long before he went to the bars to talk with the officer.

“What’s the good news, are you going to release us?”

“No such luck Mr. Krycek.”

“So, what is it then?”

“The court has managed to fit you both in at ten.”

“What tomorrow?”

“Yeah, like I said ten tomorrow.”

Shit now I really did feel sick, I wasn’t mentally or physically prepared for prison. I jumped down off the bed, shit I only just made it to the toilet before throwing up.

“Juan… Shit Juice are you okay?”

I collapsed to the floor and was struggling to breathe, suddenly it had hit me full on what I’d done. Now I would have to deal with it and live with the consequences, that I was a fuckin idiot and wouldn’t survive this. Soon Alex was there beside me, he pulled me up off the floor and held me in his arms.

“Jesus just fuckin breathe, come on Juice don’t fall apart on me now.”

He held me until my breathing started to even out once more, shit I knew the court would be my first hurdle and major ordeal before prison.

“Juice talk to me, shit you’ll have to man up if you end up inside.”

“Fuck you Alex.”

I managed to push Alex away from me and stand up, I then returned back to my bed and hoped to forget it all for now.

“Look I’m sorry if I sounded harsh Juice, it’s just there’s men in there that’ll eat you for breakfast.”

“God can’t you just shut the fuck up, just leave me alone and stop talking to me.”

“Fine have it your way then, however you’ll need me inside.”

Deep down I knew he was right; shit I’d had half the club with me in prison last time and suffered. I shoved my head under the pillow to block everything out, mainly this hell hole along with Alex.

I had seven hours and then I’d be facing the judge, also prison not long after that. Anarchy biker smacks fed; great it was obvious which way the jury would go on this one. I guess that was the price of been a son and an anarchist, plus a biker just to top it off.

Suddenly I could hear a really loud voice, hell there was no mistaking that Scottish voice. I couldn’t face Chibs right now, I knew that I was far too emotional and wound up.

The guard came and told me to move, apparently Chibs wanted to see me and then Alex.

“Like hell am I seeing him, I know my rights and you can’t force me…”

“Juice do you want me to talk to him and see what he wants?”

“Yeah go knock yourself out Alex, you can also tell him to leave me the hell alone.”

The guard opened the door and led Alex out, I just buried my head again and tried to sleep. It was so hard at first to just switch off, yet when I woke it was already breakfast time. One hour was all I had left, I guess then I’d know what to expect in the near future.


I’d placed the cut in the pocket of my bike, I then pulled out a plain black hoodie and put it on. Once that was all done, I also removed all of my weapons, well at least I now looked somewhat decent and respectable.

Once I was fully sorted, I entered the police station, it was really late now and quiet so I knew they might not let me in. I walked over to the desk where an officer sat, he soon looked up to see who’d entered the building at this hour. I guess not many people came at this time of morning, I was just thankful that he was polite as he asked if he could help.

I had to think fast and say I was the lad’s brother in law, I had to speak to one of them so I could arrange a lawyer. Soon he disappeared and went over to the cells, I then patiently waited to see Juice and how he was holding up.

The officer returned with Alex Krycek instead and told me to follow, soon we were being escorted into a small room. The officer then searched me for weapons and illegal substances, he then went and cuffed Alex to the table.

“You both have ten minutes, after that I want Mr. Krycek back in his cell and ready for court in the morning.”

“Aye I appreciate this.”

The officer then walked out leaving us alone, well it looked like I’d have to deal with Alex as Juice was a no show.

“So, where’s Juice, I take it he’s refusing to see me then!”

“Shit are you just following us everywhere, first the house and now here.”

“No, I’m following Juice, he’s the only one I’m concerned about.”

“I can take care of him.”

“It’s because of ye he’s here now.”

“Hey, he chose to smack a fed, I only did it so I can help him.”

“Ye know the lad wullnae survive prison, I take it he’s mentioned the past?”

“Oh yeah his last time in prison, the time that he wasn’t in there alone. Juice went in there with his so-called brothers, the same brothers that used him and nearly got him killed.”

“We tried to protect him.”

“Well maybe you should tell Juice that, you all used him as fuckin bait and got him stabbed.”

“Aye we made mistakes, I’ll admit that, but the lad deserves far better.”

“Juice has always deserved better, far better than any of you have ever treat him.”

“Look I know that ye hate me, but can ye afford tae turn away our help?”

“Firstly, I don’t need any help, secondly I don’t hate you Chibs.”

“Aye well ye could have fooled me.”

“I can’t hate you because of Juice, he needs you and some stability in his life.”

“Aye but he’ll go down for what he’s done, I won’t be able to offer him any stability then will I…”

“Look I’ll do the best I can on the inside if we end up there, I have contacts and will try to get him with me.”

“So just what is it ye expect me tae do then?”

“I’ll need you to visit him, try and get him to talk to you about things. I need him to be safe, also he’ll need someone when he comes back out.”

“Aye well that might be hard, ye see how he is with me and won’t even look at me.”

“If you love him don’t give up, visit him every week if that’s what it takes.”

“Aye I’ll do the best I can.”

“That’s all I ask; I’ll arrange a good lawyer and everything else for him.”

“Just promise me ye’ll look after the lad, no taking advantage of him either.”

“Have you truly looked at Juice, he’ll be safer with me than someone else’s bitch in there.”

“So ye plan tae use him then.”

“No more than I ever have, I can’t go all soft in here or we’ll both end up dead. I need everyone to think that he belongs to me, that way he might survive this and be left alone.”

“Aye ye have a point.”

“Now we’re clear on everything you’d better get going, please try and be at the court and offer him some moral support.”

“Is that wise!”

“Yeah as Juice won’t be able to hide in there, also he’ll see that you’re trying to help him.”

I said goodbye and left the police station, once outside I felt like I could breathe once more. I went back to my bike to sort myself out, I felt far better once I was armed and had my cut back on.

Soon I rode away from here and Juice, the question was whether I went home or back to the club. Part of me didn’t want to be alone, yet could I cope with the questions from my brothers right now.

Well I only had a few hours anyway before court, maybe I’d just go home and avoid all the alcohol there. I wanted to be up early and have a clear head, afterwards I’d face the club and my brothers.


I couldn’t even face eating at breakfast time, I felt far too sick and just wanted to go home more than anything. Yeah right like that would happen, knowing my luck I wouldn’t see home for a very long time.

Alex on the other hand was different, he tucked into the food like a starved man. I guess he was far luckier than me though, he had experience and knew how to take care of himself inside.

Once breakfast was over, we were both told to stand up, it was then that we were led outside and herded into the awaiting van. Once inside I felt violently sick despite the lack of food, I guess the next stop would be the court itself.

I could always pray that I got a lenient judge to deal with the case, yeah sure when I was just the bad ass biker in all of this. Once there we were told to wait, apparently our lawyer wanted a quick word before we were called.

Our lawyer finally appeared and sat down, he then shook both of our hands in turn.

“I’m Paul Taylor and I’ll be representing you both today, if either of you have any questions I’d ask now.”

“So, what are our chances then?”

“I’m afraid you Juan are a biker, also Alex here is well known in certain circles. Look I’ll do the best I can, however at the moment the judge has being called away to his chambers.”

“What for?”

“I’ve no idea, hopefully I’ll be told something soon.”

“What sort of time am I looking at for hitting a fed?”

“You could be out in a couple of years maybe; it’ll depend if they have anything else on you?”

“Not that I know of, well apart from the time I was in prison before.”

“So, they might see you as a re offender, look I’ll go and see if anyone knows anything yet.”

“Thanks, I’d appreciate that.”

“Right Alex you’re to wait here, while someone will escort Juan back to the holding cell.”

“Why does Alex have to stay here?”

“No idea, oh apparently someone named Mulder wants’ a word.”

“Alex why does Mulder want to see you?”

“Just go Juice and do as they say, I’ll let you know what he wanted when I come back okay.”

“Whatever! I bet you just go and disappear on me…”

“Juice, I swear that I won’t leave you. Please just trust me.”

“Yeah okay and thanks.”

I was once again led into the holding cell, however this time I felt far more alone than ever. The longer I remained alone, the worse I became, and paranoia was starting to set in once more.

Was it all just a big set up, would I end up in prison alone with no one to help me? It was over an hour and Alex still hadn’t returned, maybe I had to face the fact he wasn’t coming back and I was truly alone.

After another hour someone finally came to get me, at first, I’d expected to see Alex. My heart sank at the sight of the court official stood there; I knew the time had come to face the judge.

“Juan Carlos Ortiz, please follow me to court room number one.”

“Where’s Alex Krycek, he’s supposed to be here with me?”

“As far as I’m aware he’s already in the court room, someone else took him there straight after his meeting with a federal agent.”

“Shit how long did it last?”

“No idea when it started, I just know it’s just finished.”

“So nearly two hours then.”

“Look no talking now okay, otherwise you’ll be charged with contempt of court.”

I remained quiet as the large doors opened in front of me, I quickly scanned the room so I could see who was here. Straight away I noticed Chibs, well at least he’d removed his cut before entering. Shit I could be a selfish bastard at times, I should just be grateful that Chibs had come no matter what.

Not one single other member of the club was here, that was when it hit me how much I truly loved the man. I then noticed that agent Mulder was also here too as he smiled at me, yet right now I hated the man more than ever.

I only saw Alex once I got near the front, god how I was so pleased to see him stood there! I knew if I went to prison, I’d need him there with me, shit then it hit me just what a needy pathetic bastard I really was.

Then suddenly a thought just popped into my head, it was then that I felt like I was suffocating once more. I’d suddenly realized that Alex could end up in a different prison to me, I could still end up alone to be raped and beat up.

I collapsed to my knees unable to stand any longer, in all honesty I thought I was having a heart attack. Within minutes there were medics knelt down beside me, they then placed an oxygen mask over my face so I could breathe once more.


Everyone was told to remain seated; I couldn’t go help the lad even if I wanted to. I had to just sit there and watch as the medics dealt with him, I then noticed that Alex was also at his side. The judge ordered us all to remain quiet, the court would resume one Juice was ready to face the judge and his sentencing.

I felt so jealous as I watched Alex holding the lad in his arms, I could also tell that he kept whispering things to him too. Deep down I hoped he was offering him encouragement; the lad would need every bit of help he could get.

Soon they were able to remove the oxygen mask, Juice looked pale but at least he could breathe once more. The judge banged the gavel, suddenly everyone in the court went quiet and listened, obviously the time had come to deal with the matter at hand.

“Right I will start with you Mr. Krycek.”

Alex nodded his head and spoke quietly; one word passed his lips and that was yes.

“The police officer who made the claim of assault is not here, also he’s removed all the reports claiming that you actually hit him. I take it that there were no other witnesses, also that the officer in question had provoked you?”

“Yeas that’s correct.”

“Well due to the lack of evidence I have little choice in the matter, your case has been dismissed. You Mr. Krycek are free to leave, you may step down for the time being.”

Now I really felt pissed off, Alex was free, and Juice would end up in prison alone. I watched as the tears rolled down the lad’s face, Juice also knew what Alex going free meant for him. It was only a matter of minutes before the judge carried on, I guess Juice was about to be sentenced now and it would all be over.

“Juan Carlos Ortiz.”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“You were charged with hitting a federal agent, is that correct?”


“The said agent is here in the courtroom today; he would like to take the stand and say a few words of his own.”

Agent Mulder walked over and took the stand, shite now Juice looked as white as a ghost. The lad was going to fall apart again at this rate, prison would be far worse than what he’s facing now too.

“Juan I’m aware that things got out of hand, however I believe that you have learnt from what you did. Hitting a federal agent, hell hitting anyone for that matter isn’t acceptable. Do you understand that, are you even sorry for what you did?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“Very well, I think you’ve suffered enough after just one night in a police cell.”

“Yes Sir.”

“That’s why I’ve decided to drop all charges.”

I watched everything else in a blur, my main concern was for Juice only. The lad collapsed to his knees once more and was now sobbing, he never even heard the judge adjourn the court.

I rushed over to the lad and knelt down beside him, I then just held Juice as close to me as physically possible. Someone else came over and led us into a private room, I was told that we could stay here until Juice was ready to leave.

“Juicy talk tae me lad.”

“I fucked everything up Chibs.”

“Hey, it’s all over now, on the Brightside you’re free and not going tae prison.”

“Yeah but what have I really got left now?”

“Juice ye’ll always have me, I meant it when I said I love ye tae lad.”

“Please Chibs I can’t deal with that right now, all I want is to get the hell out of here.”

“So, where do ye want tae go lad?”

“Anywhere, well as long as there’s strong alcohol and no cell bars.”

“How about over tae the club then?”

“I don’t know…”

“Why, what’s the problem Juicy?”

“Do they really want me back Chibs, shit they soon sold me off like I was nothing to them.”

I knew the lad was confused and felt used, hell I would have felt the same if I brothers had done that to me.

“They’d have come and got ye lad if it were permanent, however Alex had said he’d let ye go.”

“Fine I guess we can go to the club then, at least that way I’ll know where I stand with them all.”

“Aye good idea lad.”

“After a couple of drinks, we can have that talk Chibs, well that’s if you still want to by then?”

“Aye lad of course I want tae talk, I think we’ve both fucked up and not just you.”

“Yeah but mainly me!”

The lad always had to be so hard on himself, however before I replied someone knocked on the door.


I’d heard someone knock on the door, however right now I wasn’t up to dealing with anyone.

“Chibs can you see who It is? Also, can you try getting rid of them too.”

“I’ll do ma best lad.”

I watched as Chibs went over and opened the door, well at least I recognized the voice straight away.

“Juicy Alex wants a quick word with ye, do ye want me tae let him in?”

“Yeah it’s okay Chibs.”

Alex walked into the room and stood there, hell he looked far more nervous than I felt right now. There was also the fact I didn’t know what to even say to him, I guess it was strange having both the men I loved in the same room.

“Are you okay Juice?”

“Yeah, I’m doing okay Alex, was there anything particular that you wanted to talk about?”

“I guess I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Why are you going home now?”

“No, I’m moving on Juice, I’m planning to sell the house and everything in it.”

“Why where are you going?”

“I’m not sure yet, I guess it’s something that I should have done a long time ago. I’m really sorry for everything Juice, I should never have forced you to come back with me!”

“For what it’s worth I’m glad you did, I still love you Alex and you’ll always mean a lot to me.”

“Yeah I know it can be hard Juice.”

“Ha which bit?”

“When you’re in love with two people at once, I know where your heart is Juice and you need to move on too.”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough…”

“Yeah well me leaving should make it easier for you.”

“Is that the only reason you’re leaving Alex?”

“No, look I love you and Mulder. I’m doing it so that both my lovers can have a chance at happiness.”

“How the hell did you come to that conclusion, is it just your way of running away from everything Alex?”

“I don’t know what gave you that idea, I’ve never ran away from my problems Juice. Mulder said he’d drop the charges if I left with him, so I guess I get to keep him happy and you out of prison.”

“So, you did it for me too…”

“Yeah Juice, move on and be happy with your life.”

“I’ll never forget you Alex, I’ll always love you too.”

“Likewise; you always meant a lot to me Juice. You have someone right here who loves you, try and let him in Juice if you can.”

“I’ll try, make sure you take care of yourself Alex.”

Shit I couldn’t stop the tears as he came over, it felt strange knowing this would be the last time I’d be in his arms. Alex finally bent forward and kissed my cheek, he then whispered in my ear.

“Chibs loves you Juice, he’s loved you for a long time and never told you.”

“I know, yet I always pushed him away.”

“Promise me you’ll look after yourself, move on and forget about me.”

“I’ll try and move on; however, I’ll never forget about you Alex or what we shared in the past.”

“Same here.”

Alex stepped away from me and smiled, god I felt so lost and confused right now.

“Goodbye Chibs, make sure you take care of Juice.”

“Always, ye can count on it.”

“That’s what I like to hear, take care Juice.”

With that Alex turned and walked out of the room, I was left just stood here with Chibs.

“Ye’ll feel somewhat lost at first lad, hell he was a big part of yer life Juice.”

“I survived before when he went to prison, I’ll be fine in a while Chibs so don’t worry about me.”

“I always worry about ye Juicy and always will.”

“Yeah I’m lucky to have you.”

“Shall we get going then, ye still want tae go tae the club?”

“Yeah, we might as well, at least that way it will be over and done with.”

“Aye okay, ye’ll have tae ride with me then lad.”

“Okay, is my bike still at the house?”

“No, I sent a prospect to collect it in the van, it’ll be back at the club now waiting for ye.”

“Looks like I’ll be going to the club no matter what then, thanks for going with me Chibs.”

“My pleasure lad.”

We left the court house and soon found Chibs bike, well I knew it wouldn’t take long to reach the club house now. Deep down I was scared that they’d all hate me, that they no longer wanted me as a brother.


It was early afternoon when we arrived, I knew that the club would be busy as the garage was still open. I parked my bike and waited for Juice to get off, I then took a slow walk over to the clubhouse with the lad.

“Are ye ready tae do this Juicy?”

“Yeah come on.”

We walked in to find Jax and Opie talking, both looked up to see who’d entered the place.

“Hey Juice, it’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back Jax, I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome…”

“You’re a brother, your sexuality doesn’t bother us at all. Well as long as you don’t try it on with anyone, unless they’re not straight and then it doesn’t matter.”

” Yeah I accept that Jax and thanks.”

“No problem, also we’d have got you back one way or another.”

“Yeah Jax I know you would.”

“Chibs don’t just stand there, get Juice a drink so we can celebrate his return.”

“Aye Jackie lad I’m on it.”

I went and prepared a drink for Juice and myself, I then watched as he sat there with Jax and Opie. For some reason I suddenly felt really jealous, even though I knew my brothers were straight.

It wasn’t long before I’d knocked a few drinks back myself, the last twenty-four hours or so had being truly trying on my patience. I had one more drink and that was enough, if I didn’t move, I’d fall asleep right where I sat.

“Juice I’m off to find an empty room, I just need tae get ma head down for a bit.”

“Chibby it’s only early evening!”

“Aye well I hardly slept last night, look I’ll see ye later okay.”

“Yeah okay.”

With that Juice turned away from me, it was like I no longer mattered to him now he was back here. Maybe it was the drink and lack of sleep, well I’d found a room and would try to get some shut eye now.

God the bed looked so inviting and comfortable, I removed my cut and just lay down fully dressed. My thoughts soon returned to Juice and the last few hours, well at least he was back where he belonged and that was good.

Shite then another thought suddenly hit me, could I remain in the club if Juice didn’t want me? I knew that it would tear me apart in the end, I couldn’t see him every day and not be able to hold him.

I guess I was just a stupid old fool, the lad was gorgeous and could do far better than me and I knew it. Finally sleep claimed me, however the dreams soon came thick and fast. I dreamt that Juice had left me for good, I was to spend the rest of my life alone and without him.

When I finally did wake up it was now dark, I managed to look at the clock and see that it was nearly midnight. I had to wonder if Juice was still here, I’d only meant to sleep for a couple hours at the most.

I grabbed my cut and headed out, the bar had very few people still here now. Apart from Juice there was only Jax and Tig, I noticed that Juice was falling asleep as he leant against the bar.

“Juicy wake up.”

“What do you want Chibs…”

“Tae see if yer okay, also tae see if ye want tae stay at ma place?”

“Like fuck, shit I can still remember the last time I was at yours.”

“I promise ye it won’t be like that.”

“Chibs just go home, look I’m staying here so leave me the hell alone.”

“Aye have it your way lad, just promise me ye won’t ride until ye sober up.”

“I’ve only had two alcoholic drinks Chibs, also you’re not my father and can’t tell me what to do!”

“Aye, I’m sorry lad if I care tae much.”

“Goodbye Chibs.”

“Bye lad…”

I could take a hint; I knew perfectly well when I wasn’t wanted. Fuck this and fuck them all, I’d just go home and suffer by myself. It was breaking my heart as I watched Juice, I’d never seen him behave this way with me before.

I never looked back as I walked out, I just got on my bike and rode home. I had to admit that it felt strange now I was here alone, it was hard to believe I’d been here only a few hours ago with Juice.

I grabbed a full unopened bottle of whiskey, I then turned off all the lights and made my way to the bedroom. Once there I stripped out of all my clothes, I was tired but really in need of a shower.

Just over an hour later I was back in bed, I planned to just lay here and drink myself into oblivion and forget everything for a while. I ended up falling asleep after only one single glass, yet I had no idea at all as to what had woken me. I was lucky and far too tired to stay awake; I was literally back asleep within seconds.


I’d just behaved like a complete bastard towards Chibs, that or like a spoilt brat who couldn’t have their own way. The man was trying so hard, yet here I was pushing him away at every single turn. All I’d wanted was time alone to think, ha then as usual I hated it when I was alone.

If anyone was totally fucked in the head it was me, I fucked up all the time with everything I did. I knew deep down that I wanted Chibs, yet I was scared and found it easier to push him away.

I believed though that I’d pushed him too far tonight, if I didn’t do something, I risked losing the man for good this time. I grabbed a quick shower and changed clothes, I then made sure I had the key I needed with me.

Once at Chibs place I let myself in quietly, the kitchen appeared to be empty. It was then the same with the living room and bathroom, well it was either the bedroom or he’d gone out. I knew that Chibs wouldn’t leave home or go far without his bike, also I’d noticed his cut hung on the back of the kitchen chair.

I opened the bedroom door as slowly and quietly as possible, there on the bed I could make out the outline of Chibs. Next to the bed was an open bottle of whiskey, I was so pleased to see that it was still nearly full too.

I’d decided what I’d do, and I just had to have the nerve to see it through, well without running out of here and away from the man I loved. I stood there and removed all of my clothing, after I just stood there a few minutes as nervous as hell.

Fuck it, it wasn’t like I had anything to lose at the end of the day, I pulled the cover back and slid inside the bed next to him. I gently put my hand out and was taken aback, I hadn’t expected Chibs to be in bed naked.

He was lying on his back with his arm over his face, so I lay my head on his chest and played with an exposed nipple. Suddenly an arm went around me shoulders and held me, I lay there holding my breath until Chibs finally spoke.

“God Juicy, hell I thought I’d lost ye for good!”

“No chance, I love you Chibs and always have.”

“Aye well remember it works two ways lad, it wasn’t something I’d just said in the heat of the moment.”

“I know that now, so you’ve no objections to having me here in your bed?”

“Of course I haven’t, I wouldn’t want you anywhere else Juice.”

“Chibs I need to be honest with you, I don’t want any lies or secrets between us.”

“Aye well I totally agree with ye there lad.”

“I need to tell you something Chibs, shit it was something that I did to you…”

“Out with it then lad if it’ll make ye feel better.”

“I’ll understand if you want nothing to do with me after I tell you, what I did was wrong and I’m sorry.”

“Juice just tell me!”

“I gave you a blow job when you were drunk.”

“Aye I know Juice, believe me I’m not sorry you did it though.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since the night you did it, I woke to the most amazing feeling ever. To be honest I thought it was a crow eater at first, well that was until I touched your head.”

“Yet you really don’t hate me for it, I thought you’d be disgusted and hate me and…”

“Juice just shut the fuck up and kiss me will ye…”

I kissed the man as he’d asked, something just clicked, and I was finally where I wanted to be.

“You deserve far better than me Chibs, shit I don’t even know how you put up with me?”

“Juicy boy yer the one that deserves better, you’ve always deserved better and always will.”

I fell asleep secure in the arms of the man I love, finally I was at peace with myself and the world.

Juice Always Deserved Better

By CarolelaineD