I’m nervous. I can cheer in front of hundreds of fans at competitions and football games. I can make the toughest guy at this school flinch with fear just by a flick of my eyebrow. I can sing and dance at regionals, sectionals, and even nationals. But this is by far the scariest thing I have ever done. Which is saying a lot considering my father is Russel Fabray. But anyway, I am so scared. Only one other person knows what I am going to do after I sing this duet with Rachel. There is so many things that could go wrong. But if things go right, this will be one of the happiest days of my life.
I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today
Oh god, I feel like I am going to throw up. This is worse than the morning sickness I had with Beth. What if I choke up?! She’s going to say no and make me pay for the years I spent tormenting her. But how is it possible to be that beautiful with a broken nose?? Damn Finn and his stupid giant body.
My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'
She sounds perfect as always. Honestly, this girl is truly a star. She is going to get of of this god forsaken town and become a force to be reckoned with on Broadway. One day all of us will see her name in lights and in the papers and on the news. One day she will be above us all. Who am I kidding, she is already above us all. Okay Quinn stop with the intermonologe, focus on trying not to mess up and/or puke everywhere.
I feel pretty
Okay Quinn times up. Grow a pair and TELL HER!
...Wow Q, yell a little louder why dont you, I don’t think Russia heard you...
“Yes Quinn?” He looks at me expectantly yet still with an undertone of encouraging. Im honestly starting to regret I told him…
“I have something I would like to say, to Rachel actually.” I look at her a smile softly. She looks back at me confused but answers for Mr.Shue “Sure, but it will have to wait till glee is over. We really have to work on our set list.” She goes to walk away from her stool and I reach out and grab her wrist softly, turning her to face me.
“Actually Rach, it can’t wait. If I do, I don’t know if I’ll have the courage any other time.” I move my hand from her wrist to hold her actual hand. “Quinn? What’s going on??” She looks up at me looking slightly scared and nervous. It hurts to see that but, I deserve it, dont I? I take a deep breath and look her in the eyes “When I was a little girl I always had expectations of me. From everyone around me. My mom, my sister, and especially my father. I was told what was right and what was wrong. It was always black and white in my family. When I first met you the black and white suddenly weren’t the only colors. All of a sudden there was greens, reds and blues. Yellows, purples and oranges. But there was grey. SO many shades of grey. And it became too hard to see past all these colors, so I did the one thing that made me think would make it better.” I take another deep breath to calm my erratically beating heart. “I lashes out on you. I tormented you and made your life hell because I couldn’t understand why there was suddenly more than black and white. I figured it out eventually what these colors meant. But by then I had was too damaged. I was too far into this terrible awful habit that I couldn’t shake. It was my default.” I can tell everyone in the class is confused and undoubtedly annoyed by how long I Have been talking to rachel and how quite as well. So I shorten my speech up as much as i could and spoke loud enough where the entire class could hear me. “I am so so sorry for everything I have ever done to hurt you. I am sorry that I didn't have enough courage to stop the bullying quick enough. I am sorry it took me this long to finally be able to say this out loud. But there are only three things I am 100% certain that I am not sorry for.”
“And what are those things Quinn?” Rachel asks me, the whole class murmuring their agreement and nodding their heads.
“Well the first thing is I am not sorry for going through my pregnancy with Beth.” I pause and look up to lock eyes with Puck and nod softly to him in acknowledgement.
“And the other two?” I hear rachel ask and quickly look down to look into her eyes so she can see the honesty in them.
“Taking the amount of time I did after the bullying stopped to make sure that I was ready and healed to say what the third thing is.” I pause briefly, but obviously too long because I can hear Santana telling me to “Hurry up cause she needs to get her macks on with Britts.” I take one last steadying breath and look around me at the family I have chosen. Mr.Shue, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Puck, Sam, Santana, Kurt, Brittany, Sam, and Finn. I look to to the final person on that list and smile with tears in my eyes and squeeze her hand. “The third thing is that I am in love with one Rachel Barbra Berry.”
..”HOLY CRAP I KNEW IT!” Santana’s voice cut through the tension ridden silence.
Then all hell broke loose. Finn started yelling about how I was ruining every good thing in his life. Santana kept yelling about how she knew how “Fabgay” I was for Rachel. Brittany was saying something about Lord Tubbington coming out. Puck was saying how hot it was for his baby mama and jew babe to be together. Kurt, Mercedes and Tina were saying how crazy it was and if they think this is a phase or not. Artie and Mike were talking how statistically the bullying was a reflection on her self hate because of the way she was raised. Sam was talking about white chocolate and how he could get them jobs as mocha and cream? Mr. Shue was trying to calm everyone down. Rachel.. She has yet to say anything. She is just looking at me with the big doe eyes holding unshed tears. I see one tear fall And I quickly wipe it away with my thumb on my free hand. I keep my hand there and maintain eye contact with her “Rach, what’s wrong? Talk to me please.” I ask her softly. She looks down and mumbles something I can’t understand, so I tilt her chin up and ask her to repeat herself. I can vaguely hear the whole class quiet as they see me tilt her chin but I couldn’t care less. “I said,” she starts catching mine and the classes full attention “Kiss me Quinn Fabray before I start babbling an-” I cut her off with a gentle press of my lips against hers. She is still tense after a few moments of my holding my lips against her so I go to move back. But before I can, I feel her release my hand, wrap her arms around her neck and pull me back down crashing our lips together kissing me with such an urgency i can only kiss her back with. We kiss till both of our lungs are burning with the need for air and reluctantly part. I rest my forehead against hers and feel the way my heart swells with complete fullness. I open my eyes and turn my head when I head a throat being cleared. I look over and see Mr.Shue standing there with a soft smile and blush on cheeks from witnessing the kiss me and Rachel just shared. “Well Quinn, Rachel I believe you to have somethings to discuss and sort out so you two are free to go the rest of the day. But be back tomorrow ready to work your butts off. Got it?” I smile and nod at him. I pull away from Rachel long enough to grab our bags and hear our fellow gleeks groan about him being unfair. I chuckled and met rachel at the door. I reached for her hand and she held hers out to meet mine. I knew as we walked out that door hand in hand with the gleeks groaning behind us and the warmth in my chest and heart, that me and Rachel no matter what would be together for the rest of our lives.
“And that is the first time I ever told your Momma I loved her.” I said to the little brunette with green eyes sitting on my lap.
“And you and Momma have been together ever since??”Lexa asked in return. I hummed a yes quietly with a smile on my face. I turn my head when I hear a soft knock on the door. I smile when I see my wife walk in. “MOMMA!!” she yells and jumps out of bed and runs into Rachel’s outstretched arms. “Hey little one, shouldn’t you be in bed asleep by now?” my wife inquired looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I blushed sheepishly and replied “She wanted to hear our story about our first I love You. I couldn’t not tell her.” Rachel laughed loudly, making me chuckle as well. “Yea! I think it was sooooo sweet of Mom to do it how she did, dont you think Momma?” Lexa looked at Rachel with the same wide doe eyes she has. Rachel looked at me and smiled widely “Well of course I do! I wouldn’t be Mrs. Berry-Fabray if I didn’t now would I?”
I laughed at the joke and made my way to my girls and kissed Rachel’s cheek. Lexa groaned and I laughed as I picked her up and laid her back in bed. “Lexie let me tell you one day you will find a boy or a girl who you will fall so in love with. And then it is us who will be groaning at you for the kisses and hugs you will give each other.” I tucked her in and handed her, her favorite stuffed raccoon from Auntie Tana. Lexa smiled up at me and Rachel her eyes starting to droop and said “She will have eyes bluer than the sky and hair made from gold silk.” I looked and Rachel shocked at the words our 8 year old just spoke. Rachel looked at me and said “don’t look at me, she got the smooth talking from you.” and walked out of the room.
Their fates bound from lifetime to lifetime. One way or another these two will always find eachother.