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Counting The Cost

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You've just finished reading the last page of the book, which has turned out to be a journal written in Henry's surprisingly neat handwriting, when you hear the sound of the door being unlocked. Quickly, you slam the journal shut and jump up from your seat, thoughts flying through your mind as if there's a hurricane inside your head in an attempt to make sense of everything you just read. Henry is Hyde and Hyde is Henry and nothing makes sense and yet so many things make sense and you're scared to see just who it is that's opening the door because you're not sure exactly who you'd prefer to walk inside.

"I was hoping that you wouldn't find that," Henry says, grimacing. You sigh in what could be disappointment or relief or maybe both, you're not really sure.

"How?" You ask, taking a half a step back as he takes a step forward.

"How did I become Hyde?" Henry replies, stopping where he stands. "I don't remember, not entirely. It was a long time ago and the early days are hazy, plus there's the fact that Hyde has torn out several of the pages over the years."

That would explain why some of the pages from the journal appeared to be missing, you concede to yourself before asking, "But why would you do that?"

"Because I wanted to find a way to separate good from evil," Henry says with a sigh, "Or at least that's what I told myself."

You nod, opening your mouth the ask him something else, but he cuts you off by asking, "May I please have my journal back?"

You nod again, walking closer, acutely aware of the fact that all you're wearing is one of his shirts over your underwear, and hold out the book for him to take. Henry does so, taking the journal and tucking it back in the bookshelf before saying, "We can talk more later. I did promise to make you dinner, after all."

"Dinner can wait. I want to talk now," you say in return. Henry sighs and then nods, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat next to him. You walk over and take the seat next to him, pulling the shirt you're wearing down so that everything is covered even though you're not sure why that would even matter here and now, with him.

"How are you here right now?" You ask, but what you really mean is 'why has it been so long since Hyde has been here?' From what you'd read in the journal, Hyde had been taking over for longer periods of time, to Henry's distress, but now it's been several months since you've seen Hyde. You wonder if Hyde knew this was going to happen. Probably, since he did warn you it would be a while before he returned to you. Henry is silent for several long moments before he finally says, "I managed to create something that would allow me temporary possession of myself once more. The only problem is that I don't know how long it'll last. It could be for the rest of my life, it could be three more weeks, or it could be until next Tuesday."

"Did Hyde know?" You ask, because you need to know, because it's been months and speaking his name still hurts and he could've told you, he could've told you everything, and he didn't. You hope desperately that whatever Henry made doesn't last for the rest of his life because you're sure that if you could just see Hyde one more time, you'd be okay, or at least that's what you tell yourself before feeling as if that's immensely selfish because you know how much pain Hyde has brought you and Henry and God only knows who else.

"To some extent, but not completely," Henry replies before looking at you, his blue eyes meeting yours, and you're angry and relieved all at once. Henry leans back into the couch before saying, "If you don't mind, I have a question of my own to ask you."

"Of course," you say, wondering just what it is he wants to ask you because it could be one of many things and you just don't know which it could be. You don't have to wonder long because then Henry is asking, "Just how do you know Hyde?"

"Hyde and I," you begin, try to think of a good way to say that he's been fucking you and hitting you and biting you and using you for you don't even know how long now and that you've enjoyed every minute of it before finally deciding on, "He and I have been...involved...for some time now."

Henry is silent for a moment, simply looking at you and blinking before saying, "Well, that certainly explains a lot."

"I suppose so," you say with a shrug, looking down at the hem of the shirt you're wearing. There's a loose thread at the bottom, you note to yourself.

"You love him," Henry states, simply and you look at him in shock. You most certainly, absolutely do not love Hyde. It's true that you miss him more than you should, that you still have his ruined shirt tucked away in a drawer in your bedroom, that seeing him always excites you no matter what he's done or is going to do to you, no matter how many times he's hit you, but none of that means that you love him.

"I don't love him," you say, but it sounds weak even to your ears. Henry raises his eyebrows at you and that's all it takes for you to grab him by the shirt and pull him closer to you as you press your lips to his in an attempt to prove that you are absolutely not in love with Hyde, because if you were, then would you do this?

You realize too late that the answer to that question is yes because Hyde is Henry and Henry is Hyde and you know that Henry knows this too by the fact that he pulls away from you almost instantly once your lips meet his.

"You shouldn't do that," Henry says, his eyes meeting yours. In his eyes, you can see an unexpected sadness.

"And why not?" You ask in return even though you're fairly certain you already know the answer.

"Because," Henry begins, before stopping, crossing his arms, and then continuing, "Because I need to know if you want me for me, or if you're just using me because you can't have Hyde."

"I want you for you," you reply, even though you know that's not completely true. You know that if he didn't look so much like Hyde, you probably never would've looked at him twice. You'd tried so hard to move on from Hyde, only to meet someone who is and isn't him when you least expected it. Do you love Hyde? Perhaps. Do you want Henry because he is more than just a reminder of Hyde? Perhaps.

Henry sighs and then he's leaning in and pressing his lips to yours and all you're unable to remember what it is you were thinking of prior to this moment. You raise one hand and rest it on his jaw as you return the kiss in full. You kiss him and he kisses you and then you're pulling apart in order to catch your breath.

"This is a horrible idea," Henry says while pulling his sweater off over his head.

"Oh, probably," you say, standing up and pulling the white shirt that you now know to likely be Hyde's because it's far too similar to the ones you've seen him wear before, along with the fact that the sweater Henry just tossed to the floor seems to be one of, if not not the most casual items of clothing he owns. You toss the shirt to the floor to join his sweater, leaving you in just your underwear and Henry in just his trousers. You undo the clasp of your bra, push the straps down, and let it fall to the floor before pulling your underwear down and kicking them away. Henry looks up at you with something halfway between amazement and desire in his eyes and then his hands are on your hips, his long fingers splaying across your skin and he's pulling you into his lap.

You're struck by an intense feeling of déjà vu as you settle in his lap, unable to stop yourself from thinking of the time Hyde showed up, with that cut on his side, and how the two of you fucked on your couch in a position similar to this. Desire pulsing inside of you at the memory, you reach out and run your fingers along the scar on Henry's side but then his hands move from your hips to your hair and he's kissing you and all you can think about now is Henry and the feeling of his lips on yours.

All too soon, Henry is pulling away from you, the both of you breathing heavily as he rests his forehead against yours. This close to him, you're able to see the green flecks in his otherwise blue eyes and can't help yourself from wondering if Hyde has them all well. After a moment of simply gazing into your eyes, Henry asks, "Do you mind if we take this to the bedroom?"

"Not at all," you reply, standing up and offering Henry a hand to help him stand as well. He stands and then the next thing you know, he's smiling and then he's picking you up so that you're slung over his shoulder. You laugh, smacking him on the back as he carries you all too ungracefully to his bedroom before half setting and half tossing you onto his bed.

You lay back on the bed and realize that behind Henry is the door to the closet, which normally wouldn't be something worth noticing except for the fact that Hyde's coat is in there. Swallowing heavily, you turn your gaze to Henry and just Henry, watching him as he kicks his shoes and socks off and unbuttons his trousers before pulling pulling them down and then he's standing there, completely bare, his cock not yet completely hard but still completely sizeable. Now that you know the truth about him and Hyde, you can't help but compare them more fully. Henry's hair is still tied behind his head, while Hyde's hair is always loose and wild around his face. You think that Hyde is maybe just a bit more beautiful than Henry or maybe Henry is just a bit more plain than Hyde, because their faces are mostly similar except for the color of their eyes and the shapes of their mouths and the sharpness that Hyde has and Henry lacks.

You let your gaze travel from Henry's face and down to his body, noting that their bodies are the most similar thing about them, from their shoulders to their arms to their long legs, though you note that Hyde is thinner than Henry, who is perhaps just a bit softer than Hyde is, and you wonder why that is. Your gaze lingers on his cock because it's one of the few things that hasn't changed between Henry and Hyde, the cocks of both being long and thick and just all-around big, whether hard and leaking at the tip, or soft and hanging limply between their legs, or somewhere in between. When you manage to pull your gaze away from his cock and look back up at Henry's face, you find him looking at you as well, his gaze darkened with lust as it trails along your body.

"Well?" You ask, raising your eyebrows at him. That's all it takes for him to join you on the bed, his lips meeting yours as he straddles your hips. Your mouth moves against his in a kiss that's all slow heat, his tongue entangling and dancing with yours as one of your hands trails down his chest to his cock. You wrap your hand around him, stroking him to hardness as he moans into your mouth. His hips buck into your hand as you run your thumb over the head of his cock.

"Stop," Henry hisses out, breaking away from the kiss, and you immediately pull your hand away in surprise as you ask, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Henry replies, smiling sheepishly. "I just don't want a repeat of last night."

You nod, understanding, remembering how he'd come too soon, before wondering if he just wants to skip straight ahead to the main event. You wouldn't mind if he did, but the fact of the matter is that you don't yet think that you're wet enough to accommodate his cock. To your surprise and delight, Henry chooses instead to place a quick and almost chaste kiss to your lips before trailing a line of kisses down your neck, down between your breasts, down your stomach, and then stopping once he gets even lower.

"May I?" Henry asks, looking up at you from between your legs. Unable to make yourself say anything because you know your words would fail you if you even tried to express how much you want him to do this, you simply nod in reply. Henry's gaze lingers on yours for a moment more but then you're laying your legs over his shoulders and his mouth is on you, kissing up one of your thighs before settling on your sex, licking and sucking at the lips of your sex before circling his tongue around your clit.

You reach down and yank the tie from his hair so that you can better tangle your finger in the brown waves, and do so as a moan spills from your lips. One of his hands grips your thigh almost right enough to hurt while the other comes to join his mouth as he slips one long finger into you and then another, fucking you with them as his tongue flicks at your click. You grip at his hair tighter, so tightly that you're sure it hurts, but Henry only moans against you in response. A third finger joins the two already inside you, stretching you and filling you as he fucks you with those fingers of his.

You can feel the pleasure inside of you growing and growing and growing before it explodes and you buck against Henry's mouth as you come with a moan that's more of a scream than anything else. Henry waits until your orgasm subsides before pulling his fingers from you. You release your grip on his hair to allow him to sit up, and watch him as he does so. His eyes, burning with desire, meet yours as he raises his fingers to his mouth and sucks the taste of you from them. The sight fills you anew with lust, along with the sight of his cock, hard and throbbing and flushed and practically leaking at the tip.

"I need you," Henry states, simply, and you marvel at how calm he manages to sound before replying, far less casually, "I need you too."

"Good," he says, settling himself atop you, reaching down between your body and his to grasp at his cock, aligning himself with your sex before pushing into you until he's sheathed completely within you. You wrap your legs around your waist as he fucks you, hard but somehow gentle at the same time.

"More," you say, because all the gentleness in the world isn't quite enough, because you need more than gentleness, you need the pain and the hurt and the satisfaction of a fuck that's harder and faster and just more than what Henry's giving you write now. You need Hyde, you realize, as Henry complies and presses his lips to yours in a sloppy kiss to quiet his moans. One of Henry's hands comes between your body and his once more, reaching down to where the two of you are joined, finding your clit and rubbing it in time with his thrusts.

You dig your fingers into the skin of his back and come for the second time this day with a moan that's only partially muffled by the pressure of Henry's mouth against yours. Henry's thrusts grow sloppy and uneven as your sex clenches around him, and before long he's coming as well, spilling inside of you while groaning against your lips.

After his orgasm and yours subside and you disentangle yourself from him, Henry pulls out of you and lays down beside you and you and he simply look at one another. In his eyes, you can see a softness unlike any other you've ever seen before, a softness that makes you hate yourself because he's been nothing but amazing towards you and yet it's not enough, not really, because he's Hyde but not really and Hyde is him but not really and it doesn't make sense that you prefer Hyde to him but yet it does, at the same time.

As you lay there, in the middle of your musings and mental ramblings, you realize that neither of you ever did eat dinner. Henry wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer to him and you find that you don't really care much about dinner anyway and it's not long before the both of you are drifting off to sleep.

When you wake up, he's still in bed with you, still asleep with his hair covering his face. You simply lay there for a moment, blinking sleepily, looking at him before reaching out and softly brushing his hair out of his face. As you do so, he yawns and reaches up to encircle your wrist with his long fingers before opening his dark eyes and looking at you.

"Good morning," Hyde says, smiling.