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Snow Falls On A Blank Slate (A Bad Fanfiction)

Chapter Text

The prophecy tells of a girl.

A girl with flowing hair, clear skin, and a dazzling smile that could melt even the iciest of hearts. This beautiful girl will defeat all evil and be beloved by all. Her name...

Is Y/N.


"Y/N, sweetie, it's time to wake up," Her Mother called from downstairs.

Y/N stirred from her sleep. She stretched and rubbed the sleep of her eyes before pushing off her favorite colored blankets. It was the first day of her new school and she could hardly wait to start the day.

Downstairs, Y/N's mom was in the kitchen, fiddling with something in the drawer underneath the sink. When she noticed her daughter standing in the doorway she quickly shut the drawer and put her hands behind her back.

"Hello, darling," She said. "Are you excited for school?"

"Mhm." Was all Y/N responded with as she poured herself a bowl of cereal.

South Park High was the closest public school, so, after escaping her abusive father and moving into the chilly town of South Park with her mom, Y/N was enrolled right away. Despite her mother's worries, she actually looked forward to starting this school as a senior. Anything was better than her old hometown. It carried too many bad memories.

Once Y/N was finished, she rushed upstairs to change. She wore a simple t-shirt, black skirt, stockings, her favourite coat (because it was snowing), and a pair of mittens. After checking herself out in the mirror to make sure she looked kawaii as fuck, Y/N grabbed her backpack and waited in front of the door. Her Mother didn't want her walking to school for safety reasons and the bus was too expensive for them, so she was going to get driven there. It felt like forever but eventually, Y/N's mom came downstairs wearing a black dress and stilettos.

"Ready to go, my little mushy bear?" Her Mother cooed.

Y/N groaned. "Moooom stop, I'm like, an adult." Much to her dismay, this resulted in a pinch on the cheek.

The two got into the car and they listened to Y/N's favorite song on the way to school. She looked out the window and watched the buildings and trees pass. Colorado was a nice change of scenery for Y/N. It rarely snowed in her hometown. There was nothing very out of the ordinary until two things caught her eye: A cafe (She noticed this mostly because she liked getting snacks after school so that would be a good place to check out) and a ridiculously tall man standing amongst the trees. When Y/N was researching South Park, she couldn't find much information other than a few odd sounding news articles, but she did find out that it was known for having some interesting occupants.

The car rolled up to the school building. Y/N's mom turned down the radio. This always meant they were going to have some serious talk.

Her Mother smiled wistfully.

"I can't believe my baby's growing up." Y/N could hear the tears threatening to spill in Her Mother's voice.

Y/N smiled back. "I'll always be your baby."

Those five words made the waterworks run and Y/N was forced into a tight hug.

"Good luck sweetheart." Her Mother pulled back and sniffed.

"You too." Y/N started to exit the car before turning back to say,

"Thanks for everything, Mom."

Chapter Text

There were a few things that Y/N noticed were very different from her old school. For one, kids were allowed to be a lot more reckless and the teachers didn't seem to give two shits about anything. Another difference Y/N noticed was how instead of picking on her, the kids just ignored her. It was a nice change, to say the least.

The first four periods went by relatively smoothly and nobody made fun of her name during the roll call. When lunch came around, Y/N sat at an empty table in the corner of the cafeteria. Everybody was too caught up in their own groups to notice her sketching in her notebook and eating the school's soggy spaghetti by herself. That was until a girl with straight black hair and a purple hat approached her table.

"Hi, new kid!" The girl smiled sweetly. "Is it okay if I sit with you?"

Y/N didn't have a chance to respond because the girl had already sat down across from her.

"I'm Wendy Testaburger. What's your name?"

Anxiety began to bubble up in Y/N's stomach. Having to introduce herself was always an absolute nightmare.

She took a deep breath and said. "Y/N. My name is Y/N."

Wendy blinked a couple times before saying. "That's a beautiful name. How is it spelled?"

After explaining how Y/N's family often had bizarre names and that she was bullied for it in her old town, the two ended up having a nice, friendly conversation about school and how Y/N was adjusting. Wendy seemed like a genuinely good person. She told Y/N how she was considering joining the student election but was nervous to do so as she wouldn't have the time to do all of her studying. It was clear how set she was on success and Y/N couldn't help but envy her for it.

"And that's why I always carry baby wipes!" Wendy concluded. Y/N snorted out in laughter, much to her embarrassment. Lunch was going to end soon, as there were people already heading out to their next classes. There was a beat of silence between them before Wendy's face went serious.

"Since you're new here, I am morally obligated to warn you about this," She leaned closer to Y/N and lowered her voice. "In this town, there are some people you want to avoid." She pointed to a table of boys, focusing on the larger of the bunch. "That's Eric Cartman. Whatever you do, don't listen to him. Don't even go near him. He's a bigoted pig and he's always trying to rope people into his schemes." Wendy pulled away and smiled. "Anyway, it was nice getting to know you, Y/N. I'll see you around?"

Y/N nodded and as if on cue, the bell rang.


After school Y/N planned on visiting the coffee shop she saw that morning. Her mom had called as soon as she stepped out of class saying that she was going to be working double shifts. This was a little weird considering it was Her Mother's first day of the job, but Y/N decided not to dwell on it.

The town was pretty damn small so it wasn't that hard to navigate to the coffee shop, but it was still a far walk. Along the way, she noticed that there was a blonde boy from her school that was taking the same route. She remembered briefly seeing him a couple times in the hallway and once in the cafeteria. Not wanting to make it awkward, she tried to stay a good ways behind him, which was fairly easy considering that he was taking quick, jerky strides.

They passed by the woods from before. The boy covered his ears and lowered his head while they did so. The man was gone, of course, but Y/N couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Finally, the coffee shop came into view. There was a big sign that said "Tweek Bros. Coffee", which Y/N took mental note of just in case she wanted to stop by again. The boy entered and she followed in suit. There was a man behind the counter staring at her eagerly.

Before Y/N was able to walk up to the counter, the boy turned around to face her.


This took Y/N by surprise. "I wasn't?" She said like it was a question.

"YES YOU ARE. Oh Jesus, you're gonna kill me aren't you..." He pulled at his wild mane of hair.

The man behind the counter, still smiling, looked down at the boy.

"Now, son, you're going to scare away our valuable customer," He then fixed his stare on Y/N. "Welcome to Tweek Bros Coffee. We are locally sourced and use non-toxic ingredients in all of our products. Can I interest you in any of our specials?"

Y/N ordered a hot chocolate and left as quickly as she possibly could. This time on her way home she avoided the woods.

Chapter Text

[Unknown] 2:46 AM

You don't know me but I have to tell you something important

[You] 2:47 AM

who is this

2:47 AM

Just call me Douchebag

You're already getting involved with people who you really shouldn't trust

I should know

I was the new kid once too

2:48 AM

is this about Eric

2:48 AM

Partly. Don't go near anyone in his group


Don't go back to Tweak's Coffee

Don't trust anybody

Don't go into the woods

2:49 AM

1. Why the hell were you following me

2. This means i can't trust you either

3. I wasn't planning on it

and 4. What's with your cryptic shit

Read at 2:49 AM

Y/N gave up on waiting for a response at around 3 in the morning. Something about Douchebag's messages left a sick feeling in her stomach, similar to the one she got by the forest.

"Don't go into the woods" they said. They knew she was at the coffee shop, which meant they probably also knew her route to school. Y/N tried to remember if anyone else was at the cafe but her only memories were of the blond boy and the man behind the counter, who must have been his dad.

Still feeling nauseous, Y/N managed to go back asleep.


The blaring white lights of the school reminded Y/N of her old town. Although it was different, school is school and it fucking sucks when you get 4 hours of sleep. She went through her classes in a haze, the chattering of the halls a little too loud and the clocks a little too slow. Somehow, finally, lunch came around and Y/N felt a little relief. Internally, she reminded herself that there were only three more periods to put up with before she got to go home.

Her steps felt heavy as she trudged through the halls into the cafeteria. Unfortunately, the lunch table she had claimed the day before was already taken. The boy sitting there had a sheet of paper spread out on the table and he was drawing on it with crayons. Y/N approached the table carefully. He didn't seem necessarily threatening, but the words from Douchebag stuck with her.

"Lou, lou, lou, I got some apples..." The boy sang under his breath. Y/N stood there awkwardly. "Oh, w-well hey there!" He stopped drawing to look up at her. His eyes were a pale green, which complimented his aquamarine windbreaker. Y/N couldn't help but notice a scar that ran down his right eye.

"Uh, hi..." Y/N wasn't sure what to do so she just sat down. She remembered seeing this kid with Eric's group and anxiety bubbled in her stomach.

The boy tilted his head slightly. "You must be the new kid, right? Everybody's been talkin' about you." He said. "N-nothin' mean, of course!"

Y/N nodded slowly and began to unpack her lunch. The boy looked a little embarrassed before going back to drawing. After a little bit, he began humming the same tune from before.

It was getting awkward so Y/N decided it would be best to break the ice.

"What's your name?" She asked in between bites of her favorite sandwich.

"W-why, my name is Butters. Well, not really, that's just what everyone calls me." Butters' words trailed off at the end and he rubbed his knuckles together under the table.

"What are you drawing?" Y/N's gaze lowered to the sheet of paper. On it was what looked like an anime girl in a pink dress.

Butters face went pink and his gaze flitted past Y/N then back to his paper.

"Just a character I like."

"You're pretty talented." Y/N said, honestly. It really was a good drawing, especially considering he was only using crayons.

His cheeks got even pinker somehow. "O-oh hamburgers, I don't know about that..."


All of a sudden orange-clad arms wrapped themselves around Y/N's shoulders and she was being pulled back into somebody's chest.

"WHAT THE FUCK," Y/N heard herself shout.


The arms let go of her and another boy plopped himself in the seat next to Y/N. He wore a ratty orange parka that covered most of his face.

Y/N looked around to see if anybody noticed the commotion, but the other students didn't seem to bat an eye.

"A-ah, Y/N, this is Kenny." Butters shuffled a little uncomfortably in his seat. "Don't mind him, h-he's real sweet once you get to know him.

Kenny pulled down the hood of his parka and stared at Y/N in amazement. It was kind of weird because of how close he was.

"You're the new kid?" He said.

Y/N nodded. The school was pretty small but there was no way she could be the only new kid.

"Awesome. You should come hang out with me and Butters after school."

"I don't know about that..." Butters looked at his own lap with a slight frown.

Kenny scooted away from Y/N and leaned across the table. "Did he say something?"

Their voices lowered and Y/N watched, still eating her sandwich.

"W-well I never asked them so they'd probably ground me if I left without their permission."

"Maybe this weekend?"

"Maybe..." Butters' voice sounded doubtful. Kenny glanced back at Y/N and sat back in his seat normally.

He grinned and said, "You should hang out with me and Butters this weekend."

Y/N gave weak smile. She definitely remembered seeing Kenny with Eric. So much for listening to Douchebag.


After school Y/N was stopped by a kid in a blue chullo hat. He was really fucking tall and Y/N wasn't interested in pissing him off, so instead of running away she stayed put.

"Why were you following Tweek yesterday?" He spoke in a monotone voice. Also what the fuck did he just say.

"What?" She asked. This felt very similar to her encounter the day before.

"You were following Tweek. Why?" He said, staring at her with a rather blank expression.

"Tweek?" Y/N was starting to wonder if it was common in this town to have weird nicknames, especially considering how nobody questioned her own name.

"Yes, Tweek. He is the love of my life." The tall boy's tone wasn't very convincing of his statement.

Y/N sighed. "I think there was a misunderstanding. I was just stopping by the coffee shop and he happened to be walking there too."

The boy stared at her some more. She noticed that his eyes were almost electric blue.

"CRAIG," A shriek came from across the yard. They both turned around to see the blond boy from before, who Y/N now knew was Tweek, sprinting at them.

Craig looked down at Y/N. She looked into his eyes some more, before glancing down to see his middle finger facing her.

"JESUS, CRAIG SHE'S GONNA KILL YOU, YOU KNOW??" Tweek was already next to them. Craig put his hand back into the pocket of his blue jacket.

He took Tweek's hand into his other one and simply said, "No, she's not."

Tweek gave Y/N a suspicious look, muttering something under his breath. The pair walked off to join two other boys near the gate. One of the other boys, a brunet, whispered something to Craig. Craig then looked directly at Y/N, who turned away quickly.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. Y/N took it out, just to find that her mom was working double shifts again. With another sigh, she walked home.


[Unknown] 6:02 PM

Y/N I need you to listen to what I'm saying

[You] 6:30 PM

at this point im considering blocking u

6:31 PM

Don't do that. You have to trust me

6:31 PM

ok but why are u bothering me

theres other new kids

6:31 PM

Yes, of course there are

But you, Y/N, are a protagonist

Just like me.

Read at 6:32 PM

Chapter Text

The protagonist is, quite generally, the main character of a story. Within one universe you may have millions upon millions of stories. This, of course, means you need enough protagonists to lead them.

Not all stories are made equal, though.

Finding a protagonist can be just as difficult as finding a four leaf clover. This isn't because protagonists are rare, (in fact, 1 in 4 people are protagonists- and this is counting humans alone) but rather because they usually blend in with everybody else. For example, let's take a story about the war of two mighty kingdoms. There would be at least one protagonist, perhaps a knight, a princess, or even a commoner. Many people say that everybody leads their own story, which, sadly, is not true. Some people are born to be in the background, others in the spotlight, and some, both. It's a complicated world.

There were three generations of protagonists in one family. Some say there was one ancestor, Juliet, who started it all, but there was no proof of her ever having any relations to the family. A woman named Mary-Sue was the one who began the protagonist lineage. Unlike many others before her, she was shameless with her power. Many people fell for her. Mary-Sue was said to be one of the most beautiful women alive- at least that's what the men who knew her claimed. She was both scandalous and pure. Bewitching to behold, Mary-Sue accepted the adoration.

Nobody knew about her daughter.

MC was hidden away from the public and given up for adoption. She grew up to be pretty, but plain. She was loved by many yet still settled down with the wrong man. MC found out about her mother much later in life. The only person to truly hate Mary-Sue was her own daughter.

Never, MC decided. Never will she let her own child go through the same pain.

There was a prophecy given to MC during the Matsuri Festival she went to with one of her ex-boyfriends.

"A girl with flowing hair, clear skin, and a dazzling smile that could melt even the iciest of hearts. This beautiful girl will defeat all evil and be beloved by all."

A very blank description of a supposed beauty, it surely was.

When Y/N was born, she knew right away.

A protagonist, like her, like her mother, and possibly like her distant ancestor.

It's a complicated world.


Two months passed and no more warning messages from Douchebag. Every day after school Y/N's mother would text the same thing:

"Working double shifts, I can't pick you up :( Stay safe! Love you <3"

During lunch, Y/N would either sit with Wendy or Butters and Kenny. On some days it would just be Butters staring into his lunch gloomily. On others, nobody would show up and Y/N would watch the other students screwing around while she ate her sandwich.

Everything felt more normal than it did when she first started school.

That was until the first day of October.

She was on her way to class when she saw a group of boys surrounding something, all talking and laughing. Y/N decided to see what was going on.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" A boy with brown hair, who she learned was named Clyde asked.

Y/N had to peek over the shoulder of somebody to see who they were talking to. A girl with a black ponytail was in the center of the group. She seemed completely unfazed by the amount of attention she was getting.

"Yes." Was all the girl said.

Someone tapped on Y/N's back and she spun around.

"Hi, Y/N," Wendy smiled at her. "I'm trying to get everyone to class. Ayano is new here and people are going crazy."

Y/N nodded. "I know what that's like."

"Yeah... It doesn't help that she transferred from Japan. Do you think you could help me?"

"Sure," Y/N shrugged. "What do you need me to do?"

Wendy thought for a moment. "Just try to get Ayano away from these guys."

"Got it."

Y/N pushed her way through the crowd and gently grabbed hold of Ayano's wrist. Ayano looked down at her hand slowly.

"Come on, where's your first class?" Y/N asked quietly.

"Uh, hey, what the fuck are you lesbos doing?" Eric said. He was in the front of the group.

Shit. Y/N kept her hold on Ayano and pushed through the crowd again. People turned to look and some tried followed them as she guided her through the hall, into the bathroom.

Ayano stared at Y/N. She dropped Ayano's hand.

"Do you have your schedule?" Y/N asked.


"Do you know where your next class is?"


The bell chimed throughout the school.

Y/N sighed. "Fuck we're gonna be late."

Turns out that Ayano and Y/N shared their first period together. They also do end up being late.

"Sorry, Mr. Hupp, I was just helping Ayano find her classes." Y/N huffed once she entered the room, the new girl on her heels.

Mr. Hupp shrugged. "Okay, whatevs. Take a seat guys- I mean girls."

Ayano sat next to Y/N.


During lunch, Y/N sat with Butters. Kenny had been absent for the last few days.

"Have you met the transfer kid?" Y/N started up the conversation once Butters took a seat. That day she had a sandwich (like usual) and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Butters set down his lunch tray before responding. "Hmm, the Japanese one? We have Science together,"

"Mhm," Y/N mumbled through her sandwich.

They made small talk until the detention bell rang. Ayano walked up to the table holding a box in her hands.

"O-Oh, hi there new kid!" Butters greeted. Ayano gave a brief nod to him, then turned to Y/N. She set the box on the table.

"Thank you for helping me." She gave a curt bow, then walked away.

"A gift? Golly, she must be real nice." Butters' eyes widened at the box.

Y/N agreed.

Inside the box were chocolates.


Rumours spread like wildfire. Some were about how Ayano's parents were dead and she was living on her own. Others claimed she was a serial killer, which explained her deadpan expression (Craig took personal offence to this). The most prominent theory throughout the students, however, was that she and Y/N were in love.

Y/N didn't hear about this until about two weeks after meeting the new girl.

It all started when the school was called for an assembly.

Y/N looked around for Kenny or Butters or Wendy to sit next to, but Kenny and Butters were sitting with Eric and Wendy was nowhere to be seen. She settled on sitting next to Kevin from her Computer Programming class.

After a few minutes of chatter, Principle Morris requested everyone one to quiet down. It took a few tries, but eventually, the students lowered their talking to a point where they could move on with the assembly.

"So, here comes Wendy Testaburger," He nodded off stage and Wendy stepped up to the podium. "Everybody shut up and listen." Principle Morris then walked off to stand with the other staff on the sidelines.

Wendy shuffled a few pieces of paper before smiling up at the crowd. The screen behind her clicked on to show a slide that simply said "Welcome Ayano Aishi!".

"As you may know, we have recently introduced a Japanese transfer student to our school," Wendy began. "In honor of her joining us here at South Park High, we have put together a slide celebrating her culture and sexuality."

"OH JESUS CHRIST NOT AGAIN!" A cry was ignored from a couple rows down from Y/N.

The next slide showed two venus symbols interlocked and the word "Yuri" above them.

"Yuri is a form of art that represents the love of two women. Much like yaoi, it is made to show that all love is magical." A mix of groans and cheers were heard throughout the audience. "I would like to thank the artistic students that offered to create these next slides. As you can see in Heather Nishimura's piece-" The next slide presented an image that made Y/N's head reel. It was a drawing of her and Ayano cuddling in a bed. She tuned out as Wendy then presented several more drawings of her and Ayano doing various things, explaining whatever yuri was along the way.


The end of school couldn't come soon enough. Y/N purposefully avoided Ayano the rest of the day, which didn't take too much effort as Ayano seemed to avoid people in general. Eventually, the final bell rang and Y/N was free at last. That was until she was stopped by Eric and his gang while she was at her locker.

"So you are a lesbo." Eric said as if it was a great discovery.

Y/N knew she wasn't supposed to talk to him, but this was too much anyway. She felt betrayed by Wendy and all those people that drew her with Ayano.

She slammed her locker shut and faced Eric.

"I don't like girls, and if I did, why the fuck would I like Ayano? We talked once. ONCE." She said, her face already heating up.

One of Eric's friends, a boy wearing a red and blue hat spoke up. "Well, you did take her to the bathroom with you."

A taller boy wearing a green ushanka nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and I heard that you both showed up late after."

Kenny said something too but it was muffled by his parka.

Y/N gritted her teeth. "We didn't do anything! I was helping her find her classroom!"

"Whatever," Eric said casually. "Either way it's super hot. Later." He and his group sauntered off. Kenny stayed behind though.

Y/N's face was still blazing with anger and embarrassment. She turned to Kenny.

"What the fuck do you want?" She said, tears threatening to spill.

He pulled down his hood.

"Why do you care so much if people think you're a lesbian?" He asked in a tone more serious than she was used to him having.

"I don't have anything wrong with gay people," She sighed. "Just... Why Ayano? And why does everyone freak out so much over little things here?"

Kenny looked a little relieved for some reason. "Everyone's just- bored I guess. After a while, it'll fizz out."

Y/N nodded but didn't feel much better. Kenny seemed to notice. Luckily, the hallway was clearing up a bit so it didn't feel too weird to stand there and talk.

"Y'know Tweek and Craig?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah..?" Y/N figured they were basically the token gay couple of the school.

"Literally the exact same thing happened when we were kids."

Y/N held back a laugh. "What do you mean?"

"We had an assembly about yaoi. Wendy showed pictures these Asian girls drew of them. Later on Tweek and Craig actually got together," Kenny explained. Y/N didn't hold back that time and actually snorted out in laughter.

"What the fuck is wrong with this place?" She snickered.

"Everything," Kenny smirked. "Anyway, even if you aren't a raging homo like those guys, I bet you can deal with this. Also..." He folded his arms. "We should really hang out sometime. I know Cartman is a fucking douche, but Stan and Kyle are pretty decent."

Y/N considered this. Stan and Kyle did seem a little less douchey than Eric. "Okay. Do you have a phone or..?" Y/N asked.

"How about you give me your number and I'll call you later?" Kenny offered.

Y/N scribbled her phone number on the back of an old quiz and handed it to him.

She walked home feeling much better than she did before.


Y/N is crawling behind the couch. The yelling is unyielding. She hears a crash and Her Mother cries out. As the noises continue, the more they fade into static. Soon, it's too loud and Y/N has to cover her ears. She can no longer make out voices, just the continuous static. It starts at her feet, then it washes over her ankles. Pitch black shadows are slowly making their way over her body. The static still grows louder. Something is watching Y/N.



"AH!" Y/N screamed as soon as Her Mother's voice pulled her from her nightmare. The sheets were drenched with sweat, sticking to Y/N's bare legs.

Her Mother rushed to her side. "Oh my goodness, are you feeling alright? You look so pale..."

Y/N rubbed her stinging eyes. "Nuh uh." She croaked

She ended up staying home from school. At around 12 she felt better, but still a little nauseous. Her phone vibrated.


[Douchebag] 12:01 PM

What did I tell you

Chapter Text

Hi everyone! I just got to 100 hits and I know that's not a lot but
1. This is my first official fanfic
2. This is lowkey a shitpost
So yeah, I'm glad some of y'all are checking it out. Also I had an idea.
If you have an OC (Any fandom is fine, but I'd prefer if you keep it within the story's universe) that you'd be fine with me adding, please send some info! I'll credit you in the notes!
I'll be updating relatively soon but I've been busy so ya know. I'm determined not to abandon this shitty fic. oKAy have a nice day ily bye

Chapter Text

Everything hurts. Y/N tries to move, but it's like some invisible metal blanket is weighing her down. She manages to lift her eyelids just enough to make out the muddy ground she's being pushed into. Her ears are ringing. Suddenly, Y/N feels herself falling.


The sound of several feet crunching twigs and leaves thumped louder and louder before coming to a full stop.

"Oh my God dude, did she die?" A voice said above her.

"Mhmh." A different, muffled sounding voice disagreed.

"Maybe low blood sugar?" A higher voice suggested.

Information slowly seeped into Y/N's brain. First, what her name was, then the realization she was lying face-down in the dirt, THEN a reminder that she was hanging out with her new friends in the woods, like teenagers do. The boys were just about to load the firecrackers into the crate. Y/N was supposed to stay behind to make sure nobody caught them.

She opened her eyes and relief seemed to sweep through the boys as one.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, don't scare us like that." Stan sighed. Y/N was going to say something but her mouth felt numb, so instead she mumbled incoherently.

Kenny knelt down to help her up.

"You okay, Y/N?" Kyle started hovering over her, in a rather motherly fashion. They began walking toward the crate they had abandoned.

Y/N shrugged. "I'm fine. Just tired,"

"How much sleep did you get?"

"Not much." She admitted. It was true, the past few nights had been very weird. Either she was staying up until dawn with her eyes glued to the ceiling, or she was having fitful nightmares full of skewed memories.

The group huddled around the firecrackers.

"You know, you should probably be getting eight to ten hours of sleep." Kyle crossed his arms. Kenny pulled out a lighter.

Y/N rolled her eyes. Something told her this lecture wasn't going to be the last from Kyle.

"I know, mom, jeez." She said, sarcasm being muffled from the authenticity of her statement.

Stan told everyone to back up. They did.

Kenny lit the fuse.

There was a hissing noise, then smoke, plastic, and guts shot everywhere, accompanied by rapid, angry bangs.

Y/N let her arms drop from her head and looked around. She had run at least a yard away from the explosion, and so had Kyle and Stan. The remains of Kenny coated the ground and the sides of trees. Y/N stared at the gory mess, completely stunned.

"O-Oh my God," Stan breathed. "They killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!" Kyle shouted.

Who were the bastards? The firecrackers? Probably. Themselves? Maybe.

Y/N had never seen an actual human die in real life. Nothing can actually prepare you for it, especially when it's something sudden, like a firecracker accident or a boomerang attack that came from miles away. It can take you a while to process what just happened. For some people, they shut down completely. For others, they launch into panic mode. It depends on the person.

Kyle, Stan, and Y/N walk back to their own respective homes.

The next morning at school, she saw Kenny in the hallway. Once again, Y/N was put into shock.

Didn't he die?


"You...," Kenny started, eyes wide.

"I...," Y/N was dragged into the janitor's closet. She hoped he would explain what happened the day before.

"You remember," Kenny managed to say. After a moment of awkward staring, his lips stretched into a wide grin. "You remember!"

"How the fuck are you alive?!" Y/N blurted, interrupting Kenny's ecstatic celebration.

He took a deep breath but he never stopped smiling. A little calmer, Kenny smirked up at Y/N.

"That would take wayyy too much time to explain. It involves Cthulu. Anyway, you remember!"

Y/N couldn't help but still be confused.

"Do the other guys know or..?" She tilted her head to the side.

Kenny's smile faded.

"No," He sighed. "I've been trying to tell them for years but they never remember."

Y/N nodded.

"I don't die as much as I did when I was a kid, so you'll probably be able to finish the year without any trauma," Kenny thought for a moment then said with total seriousness, "Not from me at least."


Around 5 PM the doorbell rang. Y/N paused her music and rolled out of bed reluctantly. She really wasn't looking forward to talking to a Jehova's Witness or a Girl Scout, but she knew that there was an off chance of it being someone of importance. She opened the door and was met with a rather disgruntled looking man in a dirty red flannel. He stared at her, bewildered, until Y/N started to get creeped out and broke the silence.

"Can I... help you?" She asked, suspicious.

The man looked away, probably thinking.

"Uh, yeah," He said. "What town is this?"

"South Park?" Y/N said it like a question.

The man's eyes widened.

"Wait... What's the date?" He asked, his voice rising.

"It's," Y/N checked her phone. "October 22nd."

The man's eyes somehow got even wider, but he maintained his composer and simply said "Huh."

"Do you need the year too?" She said, half joking.

The man nodded. Y/N immediately felt a little guilty.

"It's 2018."

He made a sort of wheezing sound.

"Sir, are you okay?"

"Did you say 2018?" The man was clutching the side of the doorframe to keep himself steady.

Y/N backed up. "Uh yeah. Should I call somebody or do you need-"

He doubled over, making more wheezing sounds that vaguely sounded like either laughing or sobbing.

Y/N wasn't really sure what to do so she whipped out her phone and dialled her mom.


"I don't know, he's just, like, hysterical or something." Y/N mumbled into her phone. She told the man to wait on the porch and she was now in the living room.

"Did you ask for his name?" Her mother asked, sounding as concerned as ever.


"Then do that!"

Y/N sighed. This guy was clearly not alright and for all she knew was gonna snap and kill her at any moment. With her heart beating her throat, Y/N stepped outside. The man was on the steps with a cigarette. When he turned and saw her, he put it out.

"Sorry I was-" He said. It seemed like he was much more stable.

"It's fine. Hey, uh, what's your name?" Y/N asked nervously.

"Tim. I'm really sorry about all this."

Y/N wasn't really sure what he was apologizing for, so she just shrugged.

"I'm Y/N."

Tim quirked his brow.

"Could you repeat that?"

Y/N sighed.

"Y/N. It's weird, I know."

He nodded and mumbled another"sorry".

Y/N went back into the house and updated her mom.

"What about his last name?"

"Oh well, I didn't think we'd need it."

"Y/N! I need to do some research on him so we know he's not a rapist or a serial killer."

Once again, Y/N went back outside and asked for his last name, which was Wright. Again, she updated her mother inside.

"Okay... I haven't found anything on him. I'm on my way home as we speak."

Y/N stepped outside (AGAIN) and approached Tim who was staring at a plant with an odd amount of interest. He didn't notice she was there until she cleared her throat.

"So, my mom says you can stay the night on the couch." Y/N said.

He looked genuinely surprised.

"Oh, uh, you really don't have to do that-"

Y/N shrugged again.

"I mean, clearly you're lost."

"You could put it that way."

Y/N eyed him suspiciously at that statement.


[Douchebag] 5:42 PM

What the fuck are doing and why are you ignoring me.

You don't let random strangers into your house.

You're a protagonist, literally everything you do has the possibility to become a big deal.

Please respond.

[You] 6:27 PM

woah desparet much

i was eating dinner damn

6:28 PM


Oh so you've been eating dinner for the past few months?

That guy could kill you, you know.

6:28 PM

honestly im more worried about you. ur the one stalking me.

plus he seems nice

kinda weird tho

6:29 PM


6:29 PM
well not like crazy weird

more like sad weird

he doesnt really talk that much

6:34 PM

Whatever. Just be careful.

Chapter Text

Teh town had gathrd to finally say goodbye toY/N. she diYd from overdose on yaoi when she saw Crag and Twerk smooch on tge cheek. Her coffin was layed into the ground. Her Moyther cried and so did Kenniiiiiieth. She never got to fulfill her profcee (so sad). alSO Clyde kept dabbing and cryin hystericly so tOke had to walk him home early. Jeff TEh Killar (husbando X3) and Cartman were doin he doo in the graveyard while Damnian watched. Stand and Kule were also doin the doo but not on the graveyard just ner e it and kYle would glare at Cartman evry now and then cuz they were tryin to see who could doo better. bUtters ate butter and threw up on Y/N's coffin thne got embarrased and ran away and Kenny ran after. Kenny then dressd like a princess to make Buttyr fell bettter. They also dood but even better than Jeff/Cartman and Stan/Jyle but nobody saw accept juSes. Randy was also theere but he was drunk and kept tryin to flirt wth Slendyman cuz he was also ammune to Slendy powers. tim had a seizure. Dipper was also thee dor some reason and he was confusd cuz the last thing he remembrd was goin to TAco Bell. Ayano saty in the garsss and thot how 2 kill craiha nd Twek for killing her 2nd love. she was rlly mad cuz she Nevr got to doo Y/N. twekks daddy was there with coffee for every1. dipper ahd some coffee and shidded his pants. then he had flsahbacks from when he went to taco bell then eh rushed ot the bathroom that was in the middle ofr wh graveyard. cRaigs little sister Trcia (or ruby as she somrtimes was claled) played hardcore yaoi drama CDs on a sqpeaker as Y/N's mother was draged away from her daughtrs grave, cryin hystericaly. cRaid snd Twdeke swre nt there tho athey were at craifs house Playing with Stripe (i bwt u thot they were also doin the doo but no they are children u pervert wtf is rong with u). Lu Kim gave out asamples. they were ok.



Chapter Text

Tim was gone the next morning. Mom and I searched the house, just in case he took something. Like I expected, he didn’t steal anything. What he did do however, was leave us 50 cents on the kitchen counter. I pocketed the money just as Mom left for work.

I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when I got a phone call from Wendy.

“What’s up?” I greeted with all the cheer I could muster, considering how tired I was and the fact that there was still toothpaste in my mouth.

“Hey girl! We haven’t been talking much and I was thinking about heading to the fair with some friends. You in?”

“Oh, uh, sure. When?”

The truth is that I’d never had many female friends (or friends to begin with). I was used to the guys, but girls? For most of my life I actually avoided large groups of girls, as to them I was more often than not their next victim. South Park was already strange enough, though. Maybe I could actually fit in with my peers. This time it’ll be different , I told myself.

“10 am. Red’s driving, so I’ll just text you when we get there. Oh yeah, and where’s your address?”

Did her tone change? I gulped.

“1234 Rogers Street,” I answered with a little less enthusiasm.

“Okay, great. See you then!” Wendy hung up.

Thoughts spun in my head as I finished getting ready. My outfit for the day consisted of a Chaos! At the Middle School Dance t-shirt, a black and white checkered skirt, black leggings, black boots, and purple lipstick. Just as I finished checking myself out in the mirror- because as shitty as I felt, DAMN was I hot- a text from Wendy buzzed on my phone. Quickly, I shoved my phone, keys, and wallet into my black leather purse and bolted out the door.

Surely enough, double parked in front of my house was a pickup truck with oversized wheels and various alcohol themed stickers on the back window. I approached it cautiously, gripping onto my purse strap as hard as I could. The window rolled down, revealing a girl with almost unnatural red hair and large sunglasses.

“Get in, loser.” She peered at me from behind the sunglasses.

Wendy leaned toward the window from the passenger seat.

“Oh my God, don’t listen to her Y/N!” Wendy was clearly trying to hold back a laugh. Red grinned.

“But seriously, get in,” Red said. “My dad’s only letting me borrow this thing for like 3 hours.”

I hopped in the back seat, next to Bebe Stevens. On the other side of her was Nichole Daniels. As soon as Red hit the gas, I realized how surreal it was to be in the same car as four of the most popular girls in school. I glanced at Bebe, who was applying mascara in a handheld mirror. She noticed me and smiled sweetly. 12 year old me would be amazed.

“Y/N!” Wendy drew my attention. “You haven't formally met anyone right?”

I nodded. Being so close to Bebe that our arms touched wasn’t helping my shyness.

“Well, as you should know, that’s Red,” Wendy flourished. “Her dad owns the bar up north,”

“Right, because that’s the most interesting aspect of my life.” Red sounded like she would’ve flipped her hair if she weren’t driving.

Wendy rolled her eyes.

“This is Nichole,” The girl in question waved from across the seat. “She’s dating the richest guy in class.”

Nichole giggled. “You make it sound like that’s why I’m dating him. Anyway, nice to meet you Y/N!”

“Nice to meet you,” I mumbled.

“And I’m Bebe,” She shut the mirror with a dramatic click. “By the way, one- your outfit is adorable and two- I totally ship you and Ayano. Yuri is the cutest, right?” All the other girls agreed.

“Not as cute as yaoi though,” Nichole added.

My heart sunk. I remembered why I hadn’t been talking to Wendy. The whole thing with Kenny dying and Douchebag being mysterious had totally taken over my mind. Ayano was even avoiding me, so how could they still think we were together?

“Ayano and I aren’t a thing,” I said firmly.

Bebe continued. “It’s so sad how people have to hide who they really are. I thought Tweek and Craig made being gay, like, a normal thing here, but I guess not.”

I sighed. On a normal day, I would have fought harder to get my point across, but I was exhausted and didn’t want to blow my chances with befriending the popular girls. I scooted more towards my side of the window. Red pulled up into a parking lot, which was right next to the woods.  

The fair itself was small, which I was very much thankful for. Navigating through large crowds had never been my forte. The girls and I ogled at little nick nacks and homemade jewellery, discussing which were “totes adorbs” and “the ugliest fucking thing I have ever seen in my goddamn life”.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” Bebe clasped a black choker with a silver, upside-down cross around my neck. “This totally completes your outfit, right ladies?” The other three Mmhm’d in approval.

The girl behind the booth rolled her eyes and ashed her cigarillo. “So, like, are you posers gonna buy it or are you just gonna stand there and squeal like a bunch of interactive Barbies?”

Bebe grabbed my shoulders and stared me straight in the eye.

“I swear to God, Y/N,” She spoke like I was deciding the fate of the universe. “If you don’t buy this choker I will murder you in your sleep.” The other girls Mmhm’d once again.

Luckily enough, I had just the right amount of money to buy it, despite not having bothered to check my wallet beforehand.

We neared the end of the fair, and that’s when I saw it. A booth labelled “Art Appreciation” with the largest crowd I had seen all day. Nicole seemed to notice it too and pointed.

“What’s going on over there?” She nudged Wendy.

Wendy perked up. “You guys are gonna love this one! The Asian girls are selling their Y/Ayano fanworks- like last time, remember?”

“Y/Ayano?” I cringed.

“Come on, Y/N!” Bebe grabbed my hand and led me, along with the other girls, into the crowd. I recognized most of the people there and tried to keep my head low so nobody saw me. Bebe had managed to push her way through so I could get a good look at dozens of prints and paintings of Ayano and I doing various cutesy activities together. Tweek’s dad had just finished purchasing a painting of Ayano sleeping on my shoulder. He looked directly at me, smiled in that artificial way, and disappeared back into the crowd. I shivered because that was one of the worst nonverbal interactions I’d ever had with a grown man.

“Look, they even have keychains!” Bebe dangled two chibi-styled enamel charms of me and Ayano in my face. I forced a smile.

Nicole grabbed my arm. “Have you seen this one yet?” She motioned toward a crude sketch of me on top of Ayano with a look on my face that I had certainly never made before.

“It’s great,” I mumbled half-heartedly.

My heart sped up with every coo the people around me gave the pictures. Red said something and Wendy laughed. Another purchase, another praise. Nicole clapped at a drawing. Everything kept getting louder and louder, yet felt muffled like I was underwater. More people seemed to be lining up; they must have saw me. A yell. Then silence. Then cheering. I looked up to realize I was face to face with the girl herself- Ayano. She was nothing like the pictures. Not that shy, blushing school girl with a hand up her skirt. She was cold, quiet, stoic. She wanted nothing to do with me, and I, likewise. When I looked into her eyes there was a brief moment of understanding- or so I thought. In one swift move, Ayano planted a kiss on my cheek, then turned away and ran. The crowd went wild.


I took a running leap onto my bed and immediately started sobbing. What the actual fuck? Why would she do that and how come nobody noticed how upset I was? I stopped crying when I remembered that I still had makeup on. I let the weight of gravity pull me off the bed, onto the floor, before standing and walking all the way to the bathroom. Mascara was still running down my cheeks and my purple lipstick got all smudged, so needless to say I looked very much like an edgy teen protagonist.

After washing up I headed back into my room. My phone lay face up on the bed, revealing two new messages:






I’m running late again sweetie. See u soon <3


I sighed. There was nothing better to do but get another lecture from Douchebag, so why not?

[You] 12:23 PM

wus poppin B

[Douchebag] 12:23 PM

Please never text me that ever again

Anyway, how are you?

12:24 PM


12:24 PM

I’m not forcing you to respond.

I know what happened

12:26 PM

wow great to kno


12:27 PM

Im kinda pissed sorry. How are you

12:27 PM

I’m fine

12:27 PM


12:28 PM
Are you my friend? Sorry this is weird

12:28 PM

Well idk ur kinda stalking me

Why do you wann know u like me or somethn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

12:29 PM

Nope. I was just wondering

12:29 PM

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

12:29 PM

Please stop

12:29 PM

Nope im ur friend now

12:29 PM


12:30 PM

wOW that was quick

12:30 PM

I need to go now. Stay safe

12:30 PM

Dang ok bye


I set down my phone and stared at the wall. That tiny conversation gave me whiplash, which was mostly my fault as I was the one who declared our friendship. Was I seriously friends with my stalker? I barely knew them, too. Well, at least I wasn’t in love with them or some shit. I’d watched some Stockholm Syndrome documentaries back when I was in my True Crime phase. The whole idea of a victim falling for their captor gave me the creeps.

I laid down and took off my new choker. I don’t think I remembered the last time I had a full night of sleep. Resting my eyes couldn’t hurt…



The noise startled me awake. My room was dark. How long did I sleep in? I checked my phone, which read “10:02 PM”. Jesus, I guess I really did need sleep. Then I remembered the bang. I practically rolled out of bed. Granted, it was probably Mom, but still, what if it was robber? Luckily I was in my socks. I had lots of practice sneaking around the house without making noise, mostly because of my father.

I padded slowly down the steps, careful not to step anywhere that looked suspiciously squeaky. There was no more noise downstairs, I noticed. It was completely quiet, besides my steadily speeding heartbeat. A scuffle came from the backroom. I hunkered down and headed to the kitchen. Nobody was there either. The back room looked foreboding, like an inky black portal, waiting for me to enter into its depths. I lowered even more just in case. The closer I crawled the harder my heart pounded, blood rushing in my ears, head full of static.

“H-hello?” I whispered stupidly.

The sound of scrambling feet, and my eyes adjusted to see a man with a paper bag over his head jump up and try to pry open our sliding patio door. Seeing this, I panicked and grabbed the nearest object- a lighter left on the side table- and ran toward him. The man realized what he was doing, and slid open the door, shutting it in my face. I pursued behind him but stopped short when I saw two other men with face coverings in my backyard, looking ready to hop the fence, waiting for the one with the bag. The three did just that, the latter with some difficulty.

Despite the adrenaline still flowing through my veins, I stayed put and coughed. My mom still wasn’t home, as far as I was aware. Did those guys take her? There’s no evidence, either, so the police probably wouldn’t care. The only other person who could probably figure out what went down was Douchebag. I had to tell him.

Chapter Text

[Douchebag] 10:14 PM

So what you’re telling me is that three men broke into your house and you didn’t call the cops?


[You] 10:14 PM



10:15 PM

Normally I would think you’re an idiot but you are in South Park so that’s fair

Anyway are you alright?


10:15 PM

i think so just scared shitless

Shes not answering holy shit

10:16 PM

Does your mom normally answer when she’s at work

10:16 PM
idk sometimes

she doesn’t usually work this late tho


10:16 PM

Call the cops just to be safe. Did you see what the guys looked like?


10:16 PM

no they were wearing masks i told you this


10:17 PM

What did the masks look like, then? It also helps if you saw their body shapes or skin/hair color


10:17 PM

the guy that was actually in my house had a paper bag over his head with holes in it

I think he had a jacket on but the lights were off so idk

10:17 PM

I’ll look into this. Call the police


“Oh damn. I’m sorry, dude.” Stan had just asked why I was standing at the bus stop. I had to explain the whole situation with my mom to him and his gang. Or, rather, him and Kyle.

“Yeah I have no fucking clue where the fatass is,” Kyle sounded kind of worried which in itself was worrying because we’re talking about Eric here.

“Wait,” A realization struck me. “What if Eric and Kenny being missing has something to do with my mom?”

Kyle’s eyes widened. “Dude.”

“I mean, I’m not saying that isn’t a possibility, but like- Cartman could be sick or something,”

“Okay, yeah, but this is South Park,” Kyle said what I was thinking.

“I know, I know. But I bet it takes a while for Cartman’s fat ass to get out of bed. We shouldn’t be getting into any more trouble before we know what we’re dealing with.”

“You have a point.”

The bus arrived so I shrugged it off, but still, it would make sense, right? Maybe those masked guys were going around kidnapping people. The police said they’d do an investigation. Ugh.

This is too much already. I thought moving into a new town would allow me to get a grip on my emotional baggage, not add to the weight. Between Douchebag, Ayano, Kenny, Wendy, Tweek, and those masked guys, I’ve already been forced to swallow enough mental diarrhea to last me a lifetime.


“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST,” A shrill voice accompanied by a loud bang pierced through the cafeteria.

I whipped my head around to see Tweek at the entry doors with the most terrified look on his face. Craig and those guys rushed to get him seated.

“Oh, that poor fella,” Butters tsked across from me.

I turned around and leaned forward to try to hear them better. Luckily Tweek’s speaking voice was nearly a shriek.


Craig put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Deep breaths, babe,”

Jimmy said something, but I couldn’t quite catch it.

“NO! You guys don’t understand, I woke up super late this morning and then I saw it. I bet it could’ve fucking killed me, man!”

I turned back to Butters.

“Have you heard from Eric or Kenny lately?” I asked.

“U-Uh, no,” Butters frowned. I frowned back.

“Are you feelin’ alright, Y/N?” He asked.

“Yeah? Why?”

“You’re just lookin’ real down. Is it the whole Ayano business stressin’ you out?”

Speaking of which, I hadn’t seen her at all today. Oh yeah, she kissed me. I forgot about that. She’s probably hiding out in embarrassment, like I would’ve done hadn’t my mom possibly been kidnapped.


“Butters, I’ll be right back.”


“Tweek, please, I need you to help me,”

“Oh God, Oh God…” He pulled at his hair and let out a noise.

The janitor’s closet felt even more cramped with how much Tweek was moving. If he would just calm down maybe I’d start to be able to figure out what the fuck was going on.

“We can bring Craig and everybody along too,” I offered.

“They don’t believe me! None of them believe me-”

“Well then they have to see it, if that’s the only way we can convince them,”

“Yeah, but-”

Eventually I convinced Tweek to ask Craig to go to the woods with us after school. Craig shrugged and said “Sure”, so all that worrying was unnecessary.

The plan was to each bring our own cameras, so we’d have undeniable proof of its existence. The only camera I could find was a cheap, 2009 Canon; my phone could be used as backup. Craig and Tweek were already by the entrance of the woods.

“Hi, Y/N,” Craig greeted monotonically.

“Ngh-” Tweek was clutching a high-tech-looking camera and wearing a pair of safety goggles and oven gloves. I didn’t even think of taking any safety precautions.

“Well, uh,” I swung my arms awkwardly while Craig stared me down and Tweek glanced around suspiciously. “Ready to get this show on the road?”

“YES!” Tweek burst as if he’d been holding it in.

“Wait- no,” Craig said. Tweek let out a jittery sigh.

“What are we doing this for again?”

Tweek sighed again, this time more irritated. “I told you! The monster!!”

“What monster?”

I butted in. “There’s this faceless guy in these woods. I saw him on the first day of school and since then I couldn’t sleep,”

“Oh, okay.” Craig put out his hand for Tweek to grab. Cute.

We turned on our cameras then set off and I immediately regret wearing a mini skirt in the middle of autumn. The couple walked ahead of me, still holding hands. Me, being the third wheel I am, felt a little bit jealous. Damn, I’m lonely. At least I have Ayano. Ew did I actually just think that.


I wasn’t quite sure where we were going, but Tweek seemed to be leading us. I trusted him, considering he’s probably had more experience with this “monster”. To be honest, part of me wondered if the tall guy was actually a monster and not a bored college student with nothing better to do than spook children on their way to school. Maybe this was pointless?


It started with a slight buzz in the head. Tweek stopped in his tracks, along with Craig. I sped up to stand next to them.

“Hunny?” Craig squeezed his boyfriend’s hand.

“It’s close you guys,” Tweek’s brows scrunched tightly together. He coughed. “Ack- c’mon,”

The three of us continued and soon the buzzing was more like static. Sort of like when everything’s too quiet and you start hearing white noise, except louder. It was familiar. At this point Tweek and I realized that we should probably keep our cameras up. Looking at him and his boyfriend made me realize how much I wanted a hand to hold in this situation- and not even in a romantic sense.

“Babe-,” Craig stopped a large pine tree.
Tweek pulled at the other’s hand. “Ack- we gotta keep going.”

“It’s getting dark. We should head home.” Craig said.

“But-” Tweek glanced at me. “Y/N, you feel it too, right?”

I just nodded.

“See? We need to find it! It’s close,”

Craig put his hands in his pockets.

“I know. This was a bad idea in the first place.”

Tweek let out a frustrated noise.

“You’re not gonna leave me! We all have to get proof or-,” Tweek paused to cough. “We gotta-” Another cough.

A tightness filled my lungs like water. I couldn’t breathe- I had to get it out. Coughs racked my chest and my knees hit the ground.

Between the coughing and the static, I could barely hear Craig shout, “Holy shit, you guys!”

And then I woke up at home.

Just like John Mulaney.

Chapter Text

Unsurprisingly there was a woman in the kitchen when I got downstairs. Obviously, it wasn’t Mom, because what teenager would expect to see their own mother in their own home. The woman didn’t seem to notice me.

“Uh, hi?” I approached her carefully.

She whipped around, phone in hand.

“Hello,” She smiled nervously.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” I failed to control the fear in my voice. I’ve had way too many people randomly showing up in my house within the past week.

The woman bit her lip and shuffled a little bit.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“You don’t know what your name is?” I crossed my arms. Saying that so harshly made me feel a little bad though… The other guy, Tim, didn’t know what year it was. Maybe she was in the same boat. Well, actually, Tim had the decency to knock and she just broke in. I have some right to be annoyed.

“Oh, yeah sorry- I’m Jessica. I really don’t know why I’m here I was just trying to call-” She motioned toward her phone then dropped her arms dejectectedly.

“I won’t call the cops, so don’t worry about that.” I tried to assure her. She looked a little desperate.

I could see Jessica practically deflate.

“Thank you so, so much, I’ll get going-”

A thought crossed my mind.

“Before you go, do you know anybody named Tim?” I asked.

Her eyes widened.

“Yeah, why? Is he okay?”

“Ah, well…,” Was he okay? “I’m not sure exactly. He showed up on my front porch and we let him stay but then he disappeared in the morning.”

“That sounds like him.” She sighed. Then looked at me with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

Little did she know that I was already balls deep in whatever ‘this’ was.

“Jessica, can I give you my number?” I asked. She gave me a weird look so I took a shot in the dark.

“I know about the tall guy. And the guys with the masks.” I really hoped she understood and didn’t just assume I was some lunatic.

Lucky for me she silently gasped and proceeded to stare at me with her mouth slightly open.

I rubbed my arm, suddenly self-conscious about my bedhead.

“Did you watch the videos or-”

“Wait, what videos?” Does that mean there’s people who caught the guys on camera?

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jessica closed her eyes and shook her head. “Can you tell me everything you know?”
“Uh, so I saw this tall guy in the woods and since then I’ve felt really weird,” I breathed in. “And a couple days ago three guys wearing masks broke into my house and then my mom went missing. Other people at my school are gone too.”

Jessica nodded slowly.

“Can we sit down?”
“Oh yeah, here,” I led her to the living room and we sat on the couch. She sighed deeply.

“When I was in college I had this roommate. Her boyfriend was directing a movie. The thing you saw drove him crazy and he…” Jessica looked at me at like she was about to make a huge decision. “He killed almost all of his actors. And her.”

My mouth dropped.
“I-I’m sorry-” I stuttered awkwardly.

She smiled softly.

“It’s alright. I didn’t realize until way later. One day I woke up at a hotel. The only other person there was this guy with a camera- his name was Jay. It turned out he worked with Alex and he was trying to figure out what was going on,”

“Wait, Alex is the director right?”
“Yeah. Jay found Tim- he acted in Alex’s movie- and they worked together to sort things out. But Alex was still after them. And I guess apparently Tim had lived with the thing for most of his life? I don’t know exactly, but he was hospitalized since he was a kid. Anyways, the thing has the ability to make people forget things. I know that for sure. It made Tim and one of his friends that escaped Alex kidnap me. Alex tricked me by driving them away. He tried to shoot me.”

I leaned in. This was getting interesting.

“To make a long story short, Alex killed Jay and Tim killed Alex. Then Tim left and I never saw him again. But I found a YouTube channel where Jay was documenting everything.”

She stopped talking and put her hands politely in her lap.

“So that’s it? How long did this happen for?”
Jessica shrugged. “Well… I guess it all started about 14 years ago? I haven’t seen Tim since 2014 though. I thought it ended there, but I guess not.” She gave me another sad smile.

“That’s fucking insane! There’s a monster non-stop terrorizing people and now I have to save my friends and family PLUS deal with school.” I dragged my hands across my face.

“Um, yeah,” Jessica shuffled awkwardly. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“Y/N. I can’t believe it’s Tuesday.” There was no way I was going to school today.

“Sorry I didn’t catch that?” Jessica frowned.

“My name is Y/N” I groaned.

“Oh, sorry.” God, she was so polite.


A knock at my door interrupted the TV. Jessica offered to get it for me, but I refused. She was staying with me for at least the day because, well, she was in a different state than the last time she fell asleep.

“Hey Y/N!” Butters greeted.

“Oh, hey. How’d you get my address?”

He sheepishly toed the welcome mat.

“Wendy gave it to me… Anywho, I heard you weren’t feeling well and Ayano left you a present, so here you are.” He handed me a box and a card made of baby blue construction paper and glitter.

Ugh, Ayano. If I could never hear that name again I would.

“Thanks, Butters. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yessiree! See you later Y/N.” I watched him turn away and hop down the steps before I shut the door.

Back in the living room, I dropped my items on the coffee table.

“Who was it?” Jessica asked.

“Just a friend from school.” I opened up the card, which on the front said “For Wyen” in red glitter. The spelling of my name was honestly endearing.

Inside contained a surprisingly good sketch of a cat and a short paragraph:

Dear Wyen,

You are so nice to me and Kenny. I hope you feel better soon. If you ever need to make any extra money just holler at me.

From, Butters

I smiled. Next was the box. Inside I found another letter, a scrap of black cloth, a red bow, and what looked like a little bag hair. What the actual fuck.

“Um- Y/N, are you okay?” Jessica leaned forward to look into the box. She coughed lightly.

I took out the letter and cloths but avoided the bag. I almost didn’t want to read the letter, but curiosity got the best of me.


My mother must be so disappointed Y/N. I got the boy of my dreams. We were going to have a baby so she could get her’s too.

I’m unfaithful. You did this to me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Do I just go back to Japan? Do I stay with you? What about Taro? Do I kill him? I can’t just do that though. I earned him fair and square. Help me Y/N. I trust you enough to know what’s best.


“Is that somebody’s hair?” Jessica looked over at me, disgusted.

I let go of the letter and let it drop to the carpet. Why me?

“Most likely,” I said flatly. Kind of like Craig. What was up with that guy anyway? No, Y/N, focus. Focus on what though?

“Is there something else going on?” Jessica scooted closer.

“Apparently,” I mumbled and looked at my lap. “There’s this transfer student everybody ships me with. She’s always been kind of weird but recently she kissed me and now she just sends me this shit out of the blue.”

Tears gathered that I couldn’t blink away.

“I don’t know why all of this is happening to me,” I sniffed, definitely crying now.“I just want my mom and my friends back and I wanna be a normal teenager and I wish Ayano would forget about me an-” I sobbed and grabbed onto Jessica. She stiffened at first but put her hand on my back.

After a good cry, I pulled away. Then the realization that I just poured my heart onto a complete stranger hit me.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry-” I covered my mouth in embarrassment.

Jessica waved her hand.

“Girl, it’s totally fine. The least I can do for you is let you vent.”

“Thanks.” I got up to get us both tissues.

Upstairs, I looked out the window. Bad idea because guess what? Noodle bitch was in the backyard, staring at me with his egg face. Him and Ayano should meet up sometime. Naturally, I flipped him off, which resulted in me coughing loudly. Motherfucker. Quickly, I washed my face.

Downstairs Jessica was waiting, examining Ayano’s box. I set the tissues down.

“Hey, Y/N?”
“Do you think this person is stalking you?” Jessica asked with a nervous twinge.

“Wouldn’t be surprised.” Honestly, though.

“Ugh, this is so bad. You’re only in high school, right?”

I was a little surprised by that. Most people think I’m older than I actually I am.

“Yeah. You guys were only in college though.”
“That doesn’t make any less bad.” She sighed.

I guess it does suck that I was still technically a kid and worrying about stalkers and kidnappers that are most definitely after me.

“You can sleep here tonight. If you need anything just ask, okay?” I got up and grabbed Butters’ letter. Ayano’s can choke.

“Thanks again.”

“No problem."


I didn’t remember putting a camera that close to my bed. I didn’t even remember the last time I used an actual camera besides my phone. On it was a single video. It wasn’t a pleasant watch.

Video-me, Craig, and Tweek (who was wearing a ridiculous outfit) were tromping around the woods. Later in the video, the audio or the film would glitch out, which was weird considering I wasn’t using film. At the end, the three of us found Noodle. Everything after that was distorted, us having coughing fits nearly loud enough to blow out my ears. I think I was climbing a fence when everything went black and silent. The rest of the video was like this. I set down the camera once it was finished, then went over to my bed to scream into the mattress.

Where’s Douchebag when you need him.

Chapter Text

When I heard the window latch click my sleep-deprived mind told me it was just the wind. But then I remembered who I was and what was going on.


He didn’t have a chance to continue before I swung a table lamp with all my might. He just barely managed to remain his hold on the window sill and was now dangling out of my window.

“KENNY!” I dropped the lamp and pulled him all the way into my room with strength I never would’ve guessed I had. He ended up face down on the carpet.

I nudged him with my foot for fear I somehow killed him. Luckily, I didn’t and he pushed himself to his feet.

“Y/N,” he gasped. “Something real fucked is going on.”

Kenny explained how he was dragged out of the house and into the woods- which was apparently not a normal thing. The last thing he remembered was being in a dark room, the sound of static, and a grinning person. Somewhere around that time he ended up dying.

“Dude,” I said, my mouth agape. “There’s a ton of other people going missing. Also Ayano is batshit crazy,”

Kenny chuckled at that last comment.

“Yeah, well we all knew that,”

I threw my hands up aggressively.

“Well I didn’t! She sent me her own hair and a letter about how she needs to kill her boyfriend that’s probably locked up in her basement or something,”

He laughed again.

“We need to focus on the more important stuff. Like how others are getting kidnapped and murdered,”

A sudden wave of realization hit me. I sunk into my bed.

“Oh no, no, no…”

Kenny’s grin faded.

“I know, it’s bad. We’ll figure all of this out and find the guy who did it and-”

“It’s not just that!” I sobbed.

Then I told him about my mom, the masked men, Tim, Jessica (also that he should be quieter because she was asleep downstairs), and the evil walking spoon that seemed to terrorize me wherever I went.

“So the static that you heard was probably from that monster thing. Tweek and Craig and me went out to get a video of it.”

I grabbed my camera. We watched the video in silence.

Kenny sighed.

“This is pretty bad, even for South Park,” he said.

My hands covered my face.

“I never should’ve come here.” I willed myself not to cry again. I seemed to be doing a lot of that these days.

I felt a hand gently place itself on my back.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” Kenny said, much more scornfully than I’ve ever heard him before. “Innocent people shouldn’t have to get wrapped up in this town’s shit,”

I leaned into him. His hand pulled away but then went around my waist.

Doo do do doo do do do do, doo do do doo do do do do

I grabbed my phone. Who the fuck could be calling me right now?

It was Douchebag.

Kenny looked over my shoulder.

“Wait, Y/N,” his voice was thick but behind it was a sort of surprised joy, like when you find your childhood woobie while cleaning your room. “Is that the Douchebag?”

“Uh, I think so?” I said. The phone was ringing way longer than it usually does, kind of like the device itself wanted me to answer.
So I did what I wanted.

“Hello?” The voice that came from the other end was not what I was expecting. It was almost female- not the smart and gruff manly voice I had given them in my head. Maybe this was their sister or something. Or maybe they are a girl, who am I to assume.

“Douchebag?” I asked.

“Butstuff?” Kenny spoke into my phone. I just then realized he was laying on my lap. What the fuck and why was I kind of okay with it.

There was a beat of silence.

“It’s been a while.”
I don’t remember what happened after that. All I remember is suddenly being on the porch of a very large house in the middle of the woods. Also, static. Instantly I knew this was bad news.

“Another teenage girl… Seriously what the fuck is wrong with them,” I heard a voice behind me but couldn’t move to see who it was.

After she stepped up the stairs, a woman with long black hair knelt over me.

“What’s your name?” She demanded- I mean asked.

“Y-Y/N,” I choked out.

The woman untied me and helped me to my feet.

“Before you run away I need to ask you a few questions,” She said.

For some reason I didn’t book it and actually stood in place. Maybe because this lady was so intimidating with her goffick makeup. She was really pretty too. God, am I a lesbian or do I just want to be her?

“Did you find or were you given a game cartridge that seemed a little off?”

“No,” I answered, unsure of where this was going.

“Do you idolize any serial killers?”



“Are you bullied in school?”

“Not any more,”

“Hmm,” she squinted at me. “Do you have an abusive parent?”

“I did…”

“Are you the new kid?”



The woman nodded.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you soon. I promise nothing extremely terrible will happen while I’m around, okay?”

I wasn’t totally into the implications of her cryptic words so I just shrugged.

“Alright, you can go,” she waved me off. “My name is Jane, by the way.”

I gave her a thumbs up and ran into the dark of the woods without thinking.
Unsurprisingly, I got lost.

And by lost I mean on-your-knees-unaware-of-your-surroundings-coughing-your-lungs-out sort of lost.

So the special Y/N brand of lost.

I didn’t have my phone on me and I was in my pyjamas. It was cold, needless to say. At that point I was ready to just drop dead in the dirt, so I tried to, partly in the hope that’d I’d wake up at home perfectly fine with a mother downstairs. Part of me wished I could go back to my old town.

Our old house had a fireplace. I would spend hours staring into it as a kid. My parents thought I was nuts. My mom tried to talk my dad into getting me a therapist but my dad didn’t want to waste his money. To solve this “issue” (I didn’t see it as an issue but now I realize it probably creeped them out) my dad just stopped lighting the fire. Our house was always cold after that.
That’s what this cold reminds me of. That sort of empty chill that’s not unbearable but just enough to make you shiver. The kind that doesn’t go away, no matter how many wool sweaters and parkas you pile onto yourself. The kind that nestles itself inside your heart and refuses to leave, even when you escape that old house.

Them taking away my fire felt personal. One time I tried to relight it. It burned down the house. That was when I saw my father’s hatred for me become reality. He was always cold after that.


That’s what I needed.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands. I imagined them bursting into flame. I tried to really feel it; how it would burn and warm me up finally.

Then the craziest fucking thing happened. My hands lit on fire.

I screamed, louder than I ever had before.

“Y/N!” I heard a woman's voice shout, her voice tinged with the desperation of a pained mother.

“MOM,” I shouted back, choking back tears from the painful burning.

“Y/N,” She sounded much closer and much, much calmer now. “Sweetheart, you need to wake up.”

Chapter Text

So of course at the sound of my supposedly kidnapped and possibly dead mother I jerked awake. I was just about ready to wrap my arms around her when my eyes focused and I saw the worst fucking thing you could possibly wake up to. 

Inches away from my face was a clown. A goddamn clown. Not even a creatively spooky one either, just black and white with sharp teeth and lazy makeup. To make matters worse, my “bed” was an operating table. As far as I knew my mother wasn't a surgeon nor does she have operating tables laying around, so it wasn’t hard to guess this wasn’t my house.

I backed away from the clown (who was fucking grinning like a creep) and let my face fall into my hands. 

“Are you scared?” He asked, sounding hoarse and shrill. Kind of like It. These clowns need to be a little more original. 

I tore my hands away and glared. 

“If you’re going to kill me just do it now,” 

His face dropped into a frown. 

“I can’t, ” There was a bitterness in his voice. “I had to wake you up. Why it made me do it and not one of its little playthings I have no clue.” 

And then he poofed away in a cloud of black. 


I took my time to examine the room, now without a face blocking the view. 

It was dark, the only lighting being a single candle on an old fashioned metal tray in the opposite corner of my bed. It definitely set some ominous lighting. The walls appeared to be wooden with some fancy design. The floor looked like worn concrete and the only other furniture was a shitty wooden chair next to the bed. Not very homey, needless to say.

I was hesitant to get up. My feet were bare and as I said before, the floor was suspicious and most likely cold. Plus there was the chance that if I left the room I’d get murdered or worse on the spot, which wasn’t really a risk I was willing to take. That’s funny considering I just demanded that a killer clown do so just a few minutes ago.

I lay back on the operating table. So this was where my life has come to. My mom and all those other missing people must have ended up here. Maybe even in this exact room, in the same makeshift bed, with a shitty chair and an ambient candle. Then who knows what happened to them. And oh god, Jessica- did she call the police? Did they get her too? Panic was slowly building in my chest as unanswered questions built in my throat.

“Why?” I said out loud.

Great, and now I’m crying again.

The door creaked open a bit- I didn’t turn my head to see because at this point I could hardly prepare myself for another clown- then stopped, as if unsure. I held my breath and willed the tears to stop so I wouldn’t be a sobbing mess whenever the next weirdo came in. 

I heard the door open fully and saw the light filter in but shut my eyes. 

“Y/N..?” A familiar voice.

It could be another trick, I reminded myself. My eyes stayed shut.

A hand softly shook my arm.

“It’s just me,” They said. “It’s Douchebag, remember?”

A sob escaped my lips. I probably looked really stupid, laying on an operating table with snot and tears all over my face. This was not how I wanted to meet them face-to-face for the first time.

The lower part of the table shifted under their weight. 

“I’m sorry Y/N, I thought-,” They took a deep breath. “You know what, I didn’t think,”

Knowing I wouldn’t respond, they continued.

“I guess I thought I could protect you or something. Be the superhero, you know? But now we’re both in something way too deep. And it’s my fault. You probably don’t remember half of the stuff that happened this past year but I hope you remember the good parts. Wow that’s cheesy I-,”

“What’s your actual name?” I asked. 

“It’s Douchebag,”

“Your parents must really hate you,”

“Well who names their kid Y/N? Or Tweek? Or Pip for god’s sake,” They sounded so defensive. Maybe I was getting delirious but I chuckled.

I heard a “tch” and then, “Can you open your eyes? I promise it’s me.”

I did.

Again, another surprise, but much more welcome than the last one.

Douchebag was the most neutral looking person I had ever seen. Brown hair, brownish eyes, tannish skin, indeterminate sex or gender, not quite ugly not quite pretty. An enigma.

“Hi,” I said shakily, too caught up in their appearance.

They smiled, a perfectly normal smile.


There was a knock at the door. Since Douchebag was with me there were only a few positive ways this was about to go. I practically slid down into Douchebag in fear when the door was flung open, but luckily their response was to jump into a standing position so instead, I ended up at the bottom of an operating table looking much like an angry child at the end of a playground slide.

The person who opened the door was much more horrific than the clown. A man with slick black hair, wide and very clearly injured eyes, and the skin of which I could only describe as chewed up bubblegum. Not to be rude or anything, but what the fuck. 

“Jeff-,” Douchebag rushed to the door.

The man, Jeff apparently, just turned to look at me with his crazed, black rimmed eyes.

“Downstairs. Now,” Was all he said, then slammed the door in Douchebag’s face. Then he flew it open again, nearly knocking Douchebag back. “Bring the kid.” And another slam.

Douchebag gave me an apologetic grimace. 


The cast of characters surrounding me were fit for some kind of fucked up reality show. Or better, an anime. 

Some of them looked mostly like normal people, some of them wore masks- I recognized those- and some of them were just fucked up monstrosities that I could have gone happily never seeing in my entire life. For example, the dog. It was red and had huge human teeth. I doubt I’d ever get that out of my head.

And then there was this little girl that looked like she had absolutely no business being around people (creatures?) like these. She seemed unbothered by the things around her though, and she stared intently at me with perfectly innocent-looking curiosity. The dog sat at her feet.

To be fair, there was always the possibility that I had misjudged them completely and that this was just a home for misfits. Douchebag seemed familiar with these guys. Maybe I was just their next candidate as a resident.

But also they kidnapped me and my friends and family.

I squirmed a bit. Douchebag had placed me in against what looked like a giant TV. The people/creatures sat in front of me, some on the velvety red couches and some on the floor. Was I supposed to give a speech? A presentation? I was never good with those. They were all just waiting… Watching me. They didn’t exactly seem like the silent type of crowd either.

“It is time for introductions.” A voice in my head said. 

“Finally.” Jeff scoffed from his position on the right side of the front couch. He was shushed by the unassuming little girl.

“Please welcome, Y/N L/N. She will be staying here until notified.”

I had expected the room to break into chaos but instead, it was somehow quieter than before.

A woman under the arm of a lanky man finally spoke up.

“Repeat that.”

“Y/N L/N.” The voice repeated.

I rubbed my arm and shrugged.

“So your name is- and I swear to god I heard this- Whyen Ellen,” She deadpanned.

Jeff and some of the others cracked up at that.

Wow, this was nightmarish. Reminded me of 3rd grade.

Douchebag stood in the corner and gave me a brief thumbs up. He looked pretty happy too. Was this really making a good impression or was he just pitying me?

Through tears, presumably the boyfriend of the woman said something.

“Okay, okay, stop. She’s definitely the tragic type,”

That didn’t really make me feel better but at least everyone was calming down. I hoped there was some sort of inside joke I wasn’t in on and that’s why everyone found the woman’s reiteration of my name so funny and not that I’m just a loser with a stupid name.

“So what’s your story hun?” the woman asked.

I shrugged.

Douchebag gave me A Look and then spoke on my behalf.

“She doesn’t remember most of it but she has fire powers,”

Oh yeah, that.

The boyfriend- whose steampunk-ish outfit I was kinda digging- leaned in.

“What’s your family life like?”

Invasive question but I’m standing in a room full of literal monsters so you know what, who cares?

“Eh- bad I guess. Probably not as bad as most people. Well, actually not anymore my mom divorced my dad and he was… Shitty I guess,”

A nod of understanding from a few, including the boyfriend.

Jeff smirked.

“And lemme guess- you were bullied in school despite being a good little girl and moved here and saw a big man in the woods and now you’re here.”

“That’s the gist of it,” I was really starting not to like this Jeff guy. Or most of these people to be honest. The steampunk boyfriend guy was kind of cool but he was also sitting with his bitchy girlfriend and the guys that stole my mom.

Wait a second.

Those goggles.

That mouth guard.

Goddamnit he was one of the mom snatchers.

“Where is my mom,” I blurted out.

Silence once again.

“You’re here so…” Jeff looked around. “Okay since no one else is gonna say it, you probably killed her.”

No way.

“No way.” Yeah I feel like that’s important enough to remember.

“We should tell her our names!” The little girl clapped, clearly trying to change the subject. “I’m Sally and this is Smile.” She pointed to the red dog with human teeth. I shivered.

“Jeff,” He gave a lazy wave.

“Clockwork or Clocky is fine with me,” The woman said.

“I’m Toby and this is Masky-” He gestured to the mom snatcher wearing a white mask. “And that’s Hoody,” He gave the one in a black mask and hood a pat. Hoody looked offended despite having his face covered up. “Uh, just a heads up- they don’t really talk when they’re in the- THERE- sorry, masks. It’s a lot to explain so I’ll talk to you about it later.” Toby then smacked himself hard on the leg. Okay then.

A man in a blue mask was the next to introduce himself.

“There are two Jacks in the house. I’m one of them, the other one is a demonic clown. I’d recommend you stay away from us both.”

“Okay,” I shifted from side to side. I’d been standing for a while now and this was all very uncomfortable.

“Yeah, he’s right. Eyeless Jack’ll eat you if you aren’t careful,” Jeff grinned.

Jack sighed. “I’m just saying that she doesn’t know my schedule, that’s all,”

“Wha- What schedule?” I gathered the courage to ask.

“Ah well,” He shook his head. “Long story. Just be careful around me.”

That seemed to be everybody. 

“Um, so…” I started.

Toby interrupted.

“There- there- THERE- there’s also BEN and Jane and some others that come and go but you’ll see them around eventually,”

“Can we go now?” Clockwork groaned into Toby’s side.

The voice in my head- and the other’s heads- came back. 

“To your rooms.”

“Every fucking time I want to go out. Well anyways- see you Y/N, we outie.” Clockwork gave me a peace sign as she got up.

Douchebag led me back to my room. Jack followed us. I couldn't help but watch him from the corner of my eye. Jeff did imply he was a cannibal. But he did seem nicer than I expected- plus he was on a schedule or whatever.

“Is your room in the basement, Y/N?” He asked as we reached the door.

“It is,” Douchebag said for me.

“Oh, alright. I suppose we’ll have to get to know each other then, hm?” He patted the door down until he got to the handle. Coming to think of it, his mask didn’t appear to have eye holes. Blind maybe?

I also didn’t like the implications of what he just said.

I rushed into my little dark room, Douchebag behind me. The candle in the corner was already out. 

“Y/N, wait here, I have permission to sleep in your room tonight, I just need my things,”

“Okay,” I really didn’t want to be alone in this room.

“I’ll be really quick, I promise-” They paused. “Open or closed?”

Closed would leave me in absolute darkness. Open would allow someone easy access to my room. I’d much rather be scared in the dark.

“Closed please,”

They shut the door. This is where I’m gonna live for the rest of my life, I guess.