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A Foolishly Foolish Christmas Carol

Chapter Text

It was the evening of Christmas Eve. The sun had begun to set, blanketing the city in the amber glow of twilight; and while the region was known for its temperate winters at the expense of scorching summers that felt like the surface of the sun, there was a bit of a chill in the air- just cold enough to encourage people to wear a light coat at the very least.

But the weather was the least of anyone’s worries as the vast majority of people were scurrying around the city in preparation for the following day’s festivities, whether out of excitement or the classic last-minute rush for gifts. And just like with the rest of the city’s inhabitant’s, Christmas Fever didn’t skip over the Prosecutor’s Office as the legal prodigies, and Winston Payne, spent these final working hours on focusing for their holiday plans- buying presents online, contacting their families to make arrangements for get-togethers, and for Winston, begging his wife over the phone not to leave him for a mall Santa.

As for Edgeworth, being the logical, no-nonsense guy that he was, he had accomplished everything that he needed to do by the end of the first week in December. So with that burden off of his plate, he was able to focus his efforts on actually lightening his post-holiday load by reading a case file.

However, Edgeworth’s hopes of working in peace were suddenly dashed as Gumshoe thrusted the office door open with absolutely no warning, causing a loud bang to ring out as it smacked into the wall.

“Mr. Edgeworth! Mr. Edgeworth!” Gumshoe bellowed at the top of his lungs.

“What the devil, Gumshoe?! Are you trying to give me the vapors?!” Edgeworth shrieked, his eyes as wide as saucers as he slammed the manila folder on his desk.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Edgeworth!” The underpaid detective stated as he ran over to his superior’s desk with a look of anger in his eyes. “But I’ll have you know that I’m being unjustly bullied!”

“Gumshoe…” Edgeworth sighed with exasperation as he put a hand over his face. “If it’s those blasted Rainbow Squirts over that box of cookies again… I mean, I’ll call their troop leader again, but this madness has to stop!”

“No, Mr. Edgeworth, it’s-“

“Scruffy, quit this tomfoolery and face me this instant!” Franziska yelled as she stormed into the office with her whip at the ready.

“Look Gumshoe, I know Franziska’s whip can be quite painful after growing up in the same house as her, but as I’ve said before, I can’t control her. You might as well ask me to make the wind stop blowing.” Edgeworth calmly stated with a look of indifference, having been subjected to similar issues regarding his adoptive sister and nearly every other prosecutor in the building.

“It’s not the whippings I’m upset about, sir- well, not the main thing. No, I’m in here because Ms. von Karma is making me help her out on a case tomorrow… on Christmas!” Gumshoe yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the silver-haired prosecutor who responded by whipping the underpaid detective.

“Is this true, Franziska?” Edgeworth sternly asked with crossed arms.

“Scruffy is foolishly overreacting, Miles Edgeworth.” Franziska stated, mirroring her ‘little’ brother’s pose. “I merely told him that I need a detective to help me investigate a crime scene tomorrow so that I can construct a perfect case. But the second I brought it up, Scruffy foolishly started yelling at me and then rushed over here.”

“Franziska…” Edgeworth said as he narrowed his gaze, causing his sister to wince back.

“Ok, maybe I was a bit forceful…”

“A bit!” Gumshoe scoffed. “You told me that if I didn’t help you out tomorrow for no pay, you’d cut my salary in half after you whipped me a bunch of times! And when I tried to use the chair in my workspace as some kind of shield to protect myself, you ripped it outta my hands and broke it on the ground! Can you believe that, Mr. Edgeworth?! My good chair, ruined! Now where am I supposed to sit?!”

“FRANZISKA!!” Edgeworth roared in an aghast-filled tone with a look of utter shock.

“Don’t give me that look, Miles Edgeworth! It was cheap plastic lawn chair that was held together with some duct tape that was probably found at the dump.”

“I’ll have you know, Ms. von Karma, that I got that lawn chair from Great Will for free after 30 minutes of begging and crying!” Gumshoe objected as he glowered at his silver-haired superior.

“Whatever, Scruffy.” Franziska dismissingly stated with a wave of her hand as she kept her gaze fixed on her ‘little’ brother. “Look Miles Edgeworth, the point is that Scruffy is the cheapest and most passive detective in this city, ensuring that I can bend him and the investigation to my will with the utmost of ease.”

“I don’t care what absurd reasons you have for trying to force Gumshoe to work on Christmas, Franziska. The good detective will have tomorrow off and that’s final.” Edgeworth sternly stated as he slammed his right palm on his desk.

“But, Miles Edgeworth-“ Franziska attempted to object, but was cut off by her adopted brother.

“No buts, Franziska. Take a good look at Gumshoe- those baggy eyes, that sloppily-shaven face, that overcoat that reeks of broth and urine- what does he have to live for? This is the man who actually cried when I took him to a restaurant and he got spaghetti with parmesan cheese. He has nothing, Franziska, NOTHING! All the poor detective has going for him is the raise that I gave him back in April and the possibility that he could get Christmas off.  So by you taking away the latter from him, you run the risk of Gumshoe reaching his breaking point and killing us all!”

“Quit spouting foolishness, Miles Edgeworth!” Franziska snapped as she whipped her ‘little’ brother. “Scruffy’s a gentle giant who couldn’t even hurt a fly. The only things that foolish detective is capable of killing are time and expectations.”

“That’s what we thought about Damon Gant before it was discovered that he murdered not one, but two people with his own two hands; and this was a guy who was beloved by all, had power and influence, and was paid enough to eat a balanced diet. If a man such as him is capable of such atrocities, think of the horrors that a man like Gumshoe, who has a gun and nothing to lose, could commit.” Edgeworth stated with a worried look in his eyes

“You tell her, Mr. Edgeworth!” Gumshoe chimed in as he pumped his fist in pride.

“Then why can’t we give Scruffy New Year’s Day off? It’s only a week away and I’ll be out of the country.” Franziska pouted with crossed arms as she squeezed her bicep.

“It’s not the day off, but rather the principle behind it. You see, Franziska, Christmas is a time that encourages the expression of humanity’s most positive traits: compassion, joviality, and a desire to help those in need. That is why even though I may be partially to blame for Gumshoe’s pitiful situation, I’m using the holiday season to make things right by giving the good detective a day off, as well as a little bonus. Merry Christmas, Gumshoe.” Edgeworth said as he handed Gumshoe an envelope.

“Wow, thanks Mr. Edgeworth!” The detective replied with excitement as he took the envelope and ripped it open, his eyes beaming as he saw the contents inside. “A-A check for $500!! Sir, you shouldn’t have!”

“You speak too highly of me, Detective.” Edgeworth smirked. “Like I said before, it’s the least I can do for all the pay cuts I’ve given you over the years. I would have given you more, but I didn’t want to run the risk of you feeling awkward.”

“You fools make me sick!” Franziska venomously hissed as she whipped the two men. “I would expect this kind of foolish warmth and sentiment from a foolish fool like Scruffy, but you, Miles Edgeworth? I would have thought that if anyone in this foolish city could see past the foolish charade of this foolish holiday, it would be you!”

“Believe me, Franziska, I was exactly like you a mere three years ago. I hated Christmas, seeing it as a cruel, ironic reminder of the father that I loved so dearly being taken away from me as a boy of tender age…” Edgeworth sighed as a sullen look washed over him. “I was angry at everything- the attorney who acquitted the man I thought to be my father’s killer, the judge who refused to give me justice, and most importantly myself. Anyone who tried to help me, I turned away, enraged at how little they could truly grasp my pain. But then came that fateful Christmas season where I was arrested for the murder of Robert Hammond… You know the old saying, ‘you reap what you sew’? Well, I grew to fully understand it after that dreadful time, where my cold, merciless disposition, coupled with the overwhelming amount of evidence against me made it where virtually no one would help me, police and attorneys alike… except two people: Gumshoe…” The maroon-cladded prosecutor gestured to the detective. “And Phoenix Wright. These were two men who I had done nothing but cause pain and hardship for over the course of three months and who had the most justification to let me rot in prison; yet they were able to put those grievances aside and save my life. That, Franziska, is the meaning of Christmas.”

“How foolish!” Franziska scoffed as she whipped her adopted brother. “What would Papa say if he heard such foolish drivel spewing forth from your foolish mouth?”

“I don’t know, Franziska. What would a man who religiously believed in Santa say about Christmas?” Edgeworth smirked.

“All the more reason to hate this foolishly foolish holiday!” Franziska snarled as she pulled at her whip. “Papa loved Christmas more than all of you foolish fools put together and what did that get him? His first loss in court and death! If Papa wasn’t so foolish, he’d still be here prosecuting perfectly!”

“But I wouldn’t.” Edgeworth sullenly responded.

For what felt like an eternity, silence filled the air. The tension in the room was visible to all as Franziska seethed in anger with gritted teeth, her whip at the ready for any further conflict, while Edgeworth just calmly sat there, flashing his adoptive sister his infamous glare, and frankly, it made Gumshoe feel uncomfortable. So, in an attempt to ease the awkwardness, the detective cleared his throat, directing the attention of the two prosecutors to him as he broke the silence.

“Well, thanks again for the money, Mr. Edgeworth. It… It really means a lot to know that I have a boss who cares. I’m just sorry that I didn’t get you anything.”

“Don’t mention it, Gumshoe.” Edgeworth said with a light chuckle. “The best present you could possibly give me would be the knowledge that you’ll enjoy yourself, in addition to your presence at my Christmas party at the Gatewater Imperial Hotel tomorrow evening from five to eight.”

“I’ll be there, sir! But is it ok if I’m not there right at the start?” Gumshoe asked as he nervously scratched the back of his neck.

“Not at all, Gumshoe. But may I inquire as to why?”

“I’m inviting Maggey over to my apartment for dinner tomorrow!” Gumshoe proudly stated. “I think I have a really good chance of getting her to be my girlfriend, sir! I can just feel it in my bones… or maybe that’s just my osteoporosis.”

“Yes Scruffy, because nothing’s more romantic than sharing a single saltine cracker with the love of your life while burning a piece of cardboard for warmth.” Franziska sneered with a waggle of her finger, earning a glare from her ‘little’ brother.

“You’re wrong, Ms. von Karma, because thanks to Mr. Edgeworth’s gift, I’m going all out: non-expired meat, electric lights, and water that contains no traces of liquid and/or solid waste. We’ll be like royalty!”

“Well, I wish you the best of luck on your date, Gumshoe.” Edgeworth kindly stated as he pat the detective’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Mr. Edgeworth!”

“And while we’re on the topic of tomorrow’s party, I’m almost certain as to what the answer to this next question will be, but as your adopted brother who cares about you, I feel that I must ask it anyways: Will you be coming, Franziska?” Edgeworth warmly asked, earning, as he expected, a lash from his adoptive sister’s whip.

“Of course I’m not going, Miles Edgeworth, because unlike you, I cannot afford to lose even a single day of work! Now, if you two are done being foolish, I have a perfect case to prepare! Franziska huffed as she marched towards the office door.

“Suit yourself, Franziska. Oh, one more thing…”

“Yes, Miles Edgeworth?” Franziska asked as she turned around to face her adopted brother.

“Merry Christmas.” Edgeworth responded with a smug grin.

“Bah foolish humbug!” Franziska yelled as she whipped the maroon-cladded prosecutor.

“And have a Happy New Year, sir!” Gumshoe jovially chimed in as the silver-haired prosecutor tried to leave the office once again, prompting her to turn around again and whip him twice.

“Bah foolish humbug!” Franziska snarled as she stormed out of the office and slammed the door behind her.

“Foolish Miles Edgeworth…” Franziska mumbled as she sat behind her desk, filling out a perfect case file that would ensure her victory in an upcoming trial. “Helping those in need… Bah! Let’s see how high-and-mighty that foolishly foolish excuse for a foolish prosecutor is when the Chief Prosecutor showers me with praise for my perfect trials in the next few days. Now all that’s left to do is-“ The silver-haired prosecutor’s train of thought was derailed by the sound of someone knocking at her door. “Whip the fool who has foolishly decided to interrupt my work!”

Franziska slammed the manila folder on her desk before stomping over to the closed door with clenched fists and a death glare, growling with each aggressive step.

“I swear to God, Klavier Gavin, if you’re out there with that foolish mistletoe again, I will grab that foolish weed and shove it straight up your foolish-“ Franziska flung open the door to find not Klavier, but rather a tall woman with long, brown hair wearing a white button-down blouse, a green coat and matching athletic pants, and pink tennis shoes. “Who the heck are you?” The prodigy prosecutor asked with a confused look.

“Hello, Prosecutor von Karma. I’m Constance Courte, a professor for the judge course at the Themis Legal Academy, and let me say that it’s an honor to meet a prosecutor as accomplished as yourself.” The woman said with a look of warmth in her eyes and a smile to match, the kind of warmth one would expect from a teacher.

“I’m sure it is.” Franziska curtly responded with crossed arms. “Now tell me why you have foolishly decided to come here and interrupt my work.”

“I didn’t mean to cause any inconvenience, Prosecutor von Karma. It’s just we at the Themis Legal Academy would like to collect money to help fund our scholarship programs, and what better time than Christmas, a holiday deeply rooted in the virtues of goodwill and charity?”

“Perfect. Then I’d suggest doing so away from my office.” Franziska coldly stated as she started to close the door, only for Constance to hold it open.

“I don’t think you understand why I’m here, Prosecutor von Karma. There are hundreds of incredibly talented adolescents who would make wonderful lawyers, prosecutors, and judges who we unfortunately can’t accept into our school due to their families’… lack of wealth. But by raising money for scholarships with donations from wealthy prosecutors such as yourself, we can give them a future!”

“Are there no more state-sponsored jobs, like construction work or cleaning the sewers?”

“Well… no, Prosecutor von Karma.” Constance reluctantly stated with a look of confusion.

“And the prisons, have they been foolishly shut down and no longer needed?”

“I wish I could say that was true…. So, how much can I put you down for?”


“So you wish to be anonymous?” Constance asked with a slight glimmer of hope in her eye.

“I wish to be left alone!” Franziska roared, lashing the professor’s left shoulder with her whip. “I spend each and every day tirelessly working to forge my path as a prosecutor, and I do not intend to waste neither my valuable time nor money pandering to the foolish peasants who only serve to sully the profession! I have been forced to support the foolish establishments that I have previously mentioned via taxes and exist for the sole purpose of giving such fools like the ones you’ve mentioned a purpose in life. If these foolish adolescents are in such dire straits, they should go there.”

“But Prosecutor von Karma, can you really make such a claim with a clear conscience? How would you feel knowing that you denied an aspiring prosecutor similar to Klavier Gavin or Sebastian Debeste the chance to reach their full potential?” Constance pleaded with tears forming in her eyes.

“I would be quite happy with myself, for the only good things to come from both of them is the disbarment of Phoenix Wright and making me look better by comparison. Any fool who wishes to follow in the footsteps of those foolishly foolish prosecutors is better off dying and reducing the surplus population. Good evening, ma’am.”

“But-“ Constance tried to voice one final plea, only to be cut off by Franziska whipping her again.

“Foolish Humbug!” Franziska shrieked as she slammed her office door and returned to her desk, only to hear another knock right as she was about to sit back down. “That foolish fool…”

“GO AWAY!!!” Franziska screamed at the top of her lungs as she flung open the door. However, once again, the silver-haired prosecutor had mistaken the identity of her visitor, for instead of finding the foolishly idealistic professor, she found a crying Sebastian Debeste.

“N-Normally people don’t tell me that until after I say something!” Sebastian whimpered as he bent his baton.

“What do you want, Sebastian Debeste?” Franziska asked with an exasperated sigh.

“Is it so wrong for Debeste prosecutor to say ‘hi’ to one of his friends?” Sebastian asked with a smug grin.

“Yes, especially when that person isn’t your friend and you’re foolishly keeping them from their work.”

“Well, I just wanted to know if you’d like to come over to my house tomorrow around one in the afternoon and watch some Christmas movies with me.”

“Not in a million years.”

“You sure? ‘Cause there’ll be cookies, and candy canes, and hot cocoa, and Kay and Mr. Edgeworth and all the rest of our friends will be there- even that new guy, Prosecutor Blackquill. I heard that he’s an o-taco and really likes anime, so I picked up some DVDs of Cory in the House, the best anime ever made, to surprise him with tomorrow. So, are you interested in my saury?” Sebastian asked with his usual smug look.

“Even if I wasn’t busy with work tomorrow, I would rather do anything but that. Now if you’ll excuse me, some of us have to get back to our jobs that we’re actually good at.” Franziska sneered as she slammed the door in the weepy prosecutor’s face.

“Alright, Ms. von Karma. If… If that’s what you want…” Sebastian sullenly whimpered as he trudged back to his office, his shoulders slumped as he tried his best to hold back his tears.

It was nighttime when Franziska finally left the Prosecutor’s Office after hours of nonstop work. Of course, she was the last prosecutor to leave the building, even outstaying the Chief Prosecutor, but that didn’t matter to her as she stepped out into the darkness of night that was awash with light from the numerous cars speeding about and the streetlights scattered about the sidewalk. In fact, if it wasn’t for the cold snap that filled the air and the fact that several stores were starting to close their doors for the day, one wouldn’t even think it was night- a view that was prevalent as hundreds of people carrying stacks of wrapped boxes, resembling college students that were trying to cram every last piece of information at their disposal for an exam, and others trying to lift so many shopping bags that they looked like they were in pain as their arms drooped like snow-laden branches.

Upon seeing these fools and their labors, Franziska couldn’t help but flash them a sneer and chuckle to herself. She could not comprehend how anyone could be so foolish as to put themselves through so much trouble for a single day. But if those fools wished to foolishly subject themselves to such pain, who was she to deny them? It was no skin off her back as she casually walked towards her apartment complex which was just a five minute walk down the street. But as the prodigy prosecutor made the short trek to her home, enjoying the sight of the fools scurrying about, she saw a sight that was simultaneously amusing and aggravating.

In her path to her apartment, Franziska saw Phoenix, who was wearing that foolish grey hoodie and ugly blue sock cap that he had been wearing since he was disbarred, singing Christmas carols on the side of the sidewalk with Maya, Pearl, his newly-adopted daughter who foolishly acted and dressed like a magician, and a tall man that she had never seen before with his long blond hair styled into a drill that drooped over his left shoulder and was wearing a periwinkle suit and a pair of thin, ovular glasses. And from the look of it, they were happy- or at least everyone but the periwinkle-cladded man who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else- and Franziska would have none of that on her watch.

“Phoenix Wright, just where is your foolish mind at?” Franziska growled as she stormed over to the ex-attorney, pulling at her whip and glaring daggers at him as he just shot her a cold, aloof stare.

“Well, I hope it’s in my head. Otherwise, I don’t know how I’ll get back home.” Phoenix wryly responded with a dry chuckle, keeping his cool even as Franziska lashed him with her whip.

“Don’t play the fool with me, Phoenix Wright!”

“Whose playing?” The attorney-turned-bum nonchalantly asked.

“You know what I mean, Phoenix Wright! Just what tomfoolery are you engaging in on a public street?”

“Well, Pearls and Trucy saw a Christmas movie where the characters were singing carols and begged us to take them out to do the same. So I agreed to take the girls out caroling to help make Trucy’s first Christmas with us a memorable one.”

“Plus, how could you say no to those cute little faces?” Maya squealed as she gestured to the young girls, who stared up at her with big eyes and happy smiles.

“By asking if you have a permit saying that you have permission to carol in this area.” Franziska bluntly responded, completely unfazed by the young girls’ cuteness.

“Per-mit? What’s that?” Pearl asked with a confused look on her face as she nervously bit her thumb.

“Yes, Pearl Fey, a permit. If you don’t have one, I can have the lot of you arrested for disturbing the peace.”

“But we’re not disturbing the peace; we’re only spreading Christmas joy!” Trucy objected with a scrunched up scowl and her hands placed firmly on her hips.

“Well, tell that to the Judge when he sends you to prison for a long, long time and your family never sees you again.” Franziska sneered with a waggle of her finger, prompting Trucy to hide behind her adoptive father’s leg, seldomly peeking out to look at the silver-haired prosecutor.

“Actually, Ms. von Karma, if you are indeed the infamous prosecutor that your reputation states you are, then you should be well-aware that lifetime jail sentences are not handed down in this nation for merely disturbing the peace, especially for young children such as Trucy.” The blond man calmly stated with a collected grin. “That is, if you could actually make a case that we are indeed disturbing the peace. Now, I don’t know how you handle matters such as these in other countries, but here in the United States of America, we have Freedom of Speech, a basic liberty that allows citizens to express themselves without prosecution so long as they do so in a way that causes no damage, either physically or psychologically, or forces their beliefs unto others by law.”

“And just who do you think you are to foolishly explain legal matters to a von Karma?” Franziska hissed as she glowered at the blond man.

“You haven’t heard of me? Does the name ‘Kristoph Gavin’ ring any bells?” The man smirked.

“Never heard of you.” Franziska curtly responded.

“You must be joking. I’m Kristoph Gavin, the Coolest Defense in the West! We even faced off against each other in court last week during the trial of State vs. Sheila Fergitt.” Kristoph irately stated with a scowl.

“Oh, that explains it. You’re a foolish defense attorney, just like Phoenix Wright was. Sorry about that, it’s just that I’ve crushed so many foolishly foolish attorneys that most of them start to blend together.” Franziska sneered with a waggle of her finger, causing the blond attorney’s face to redden.

Though Kristoph, living up to his nickname, decided against yelling at the prosecutor who had so rudely compared him to his greatest nemesis in favor of taking a few deep breaths, allowing for his collected grin to return. “I assure you, Ms. von Karma, that I am no fool. I am a renowned defense attorney capable of giving any prosecutor a challenge.”

“Well, you certainly had me fooled when I crushed your foolish case to dust within the first hour. Not to mention, you can’t be all that bright if you’re associating yourself with a foolish evidence forger like Phoenix Wright.”

“Wright is too honest and naïve a man to even think of forging evidence, Ms. von Karma. No, on that fateful day, he was setup to take a fall by someone who is as intelligent as they are devious.” Kristoph smirked.

“And how can you be so sure about that, Kristoph Gavin?”

“Because unlike you prosecutors with your hearts of stone, us defense attorneys actually believe that people are innocent until proven guilty with hard evidence. So, Ms. von Karma, what proof do you have of Mr. Wright’s guilt?”

“Well, how else could that foolishly foolish attorney ever beat not only me, but also my Papa and little brother? He obviously forged the evidence in every trail he has ever won!” Franziska snarled as she whipped Phoenix, though he just responded by shooting her a cold glare.

“C’mon girls, and Kristoph, we don’t have to take this.” Phoenix curtly stated.

“Yeah, we don’t need Franziska ruining our good time! We’ll just sing our carols at Big Willy’s, the Happiest Place on Earth!” Maya chimed in.

“Actually, Ms. Fey, that description is for Disney World.” Kristoph pointed out.

“Kristoph, Kristoph, Kristoph…” Phoenix chuckled with a shake of his head. “You don’t know Maya.”

As the group proceeded to walk away, a feeling of pride overwhelmed Franziska, prompting her to make one final jab and get in the last word.

“That’s right, Phoenix Wright! Make like your attorney’s badge and disappear!”

Upon hearing this insult, Trucy marched over to Franziska with a death glare and her hands on her hips.

“Don’t insult my daddy, you nasty woman! He may not be some big lawyer anymore, but he’s the nicest daddy ever! The only reason he even presented that stupid diary page was because I gave it to him! He was so trusting and cared so much about saving my first daddy that he was willing to use that evidence with no doubts! And even after that, he didn’t hesitate to take me into his home and raise me like his own daughter because he is that nice of a man! If you’re so petty as to insult my daddy without considering all the nice stuff he’s done, then I hope that Santa gives you lots of coal!”

“I don't have to worry about that, foolish little girl, because Santa doesn't exist. And good thing that he doesn’t, because he would give you coal as well for foolishly ruining your new father’s life.” Franziska sneered, prompting Trucy to burst into tears. “That’s right, cry like the foolish little girl that you are!”

“Leave my friend alone, you mean, scary prosecutor lady!” Pearl screamed as she rushed over to Franziska and gave her a powerful kick to the shin, causing the prodigy prosecutor to scream out in pain and grip the wounded area as the younger girls returned to their wards who were merely watching the scene with looks of shock.

“I can't believe that Franziska would try to take the magic of Santa away from Trucy. Isn't that poor girl allowed a single shred of innocence after everything she’s gone through?” Phoenix angrily asked as his group resumed walking away from the cantankerous prosecutor.

“I know! She is such a Scrooge!” Maya responded.

“Oh, please. Like any ghosts would try to redeem her.” Phoenix sneered.

“Yeah, she would probably try to whip them while telling them how foolish they are.” Maya giggled.

“That woman has some serious issues.” Kristoph nonchalantly chimed in.

“You don’t know the half of it, Kristoph.” Phoenix stated.

Having recovered from her injury, Franziska snarled in the direction of Phoenix’s departing group before resuming her walk back to her apartment complex, though she was so overcome with rage that she couldn’t help but start singing.

Leeches and bootlickers and foolishly fools,

Prigs and bloodsuckers and obnoxious little mules,

Scheming shysters, equivocating liars,

Spreading forth corruption as they march across the earth,

Putting strain on their fellow men,

And living with great mirth,

Sullying everything that they foolishly see,

Striking down fools at first glance,

Just like me.


Franziska whipped a smiling plastic elf that was standing outside a beauty parlor.


Franziska tripped a woman who was carrying several presents and bags, causing her to fall flat on her face.


Franziska whipped a charity Santa who was ringing a bell.


Franziska shoved a small child who was enjoying a candy cane out of her way.

I hate fools!

I hate fools!

Fools are such hideous creatures,

Awfully insidious creatures,

Foolishly whippable creatures.

I hate fools!

I execrate them!

Franziska stopped to glower into the window of a nearby pub, where Winston Payne was drowning out his sorrows with a mug of ale.

When I see my foolish peers,

Sitting on their foolish rears,

Gulping down their foolish beers,

I hate fools!

I detest them!

I despise them!

Franziska stormed away from the pub, her efforts being focused on reaching her apartment building that was now in eyeshot.

Foolish fools who get arrested,

Beg and cry when they are bested,

Scream and plead for my mercy,

Their beings becoming foolishly pursy…

To tender me,

Diligent me,

Honest, efficient, and as compassionate as can be.

These kinds of things pique an interest in me…


I hate fools!

I abhor fools!

I loathe and abominate fools!

The world is full of foolish souls,

Bringing home pitiful bankrolls,

Foolish minds that are more like black holes,

Where basic logic I can’t see.

It’s perfectly obvious why I hate fools,

And I don’t care if they hate me.

Franziska growled as she opened the door to her apartment building and slammed it shut behind her.

Later that night, dressed in her bluish-silver nightgown, Franziska laid in her posh queen-sized bed, dreaming pleasant dreams of whipping foolish fools, when she was suddenly woken up by the sound of loud, stomping footsteps and clattering chains.

“Prosecutor von Karmaaaa…” A moaning, wailing voice whispered from beyond the bedroom door, prompting Franziska to quickly sit upwards.

“Who-Who’s there?” The prodigy prosecutor asked, trying her best to sound brave as she squeezed the life out of her covers.

“Prosecutor von Karmaaaa…” The voice said again, only this time slightly louder.

“Who… Whoever you are, it would be in your best interest not to try anything foolish!” Franziska nervously threatened, her breathing becoming shallow as she grabbed her whip from her nightstand.

At that moment, a blue, translucent man with shoulder-length white hair and glasses phased through the door and into the room, though his movement was impeded by the chains fastened to his body, which were weighed down at the ends with miscellaneous objects, such as knives, guns, and even a knee-high filing cabinet.

“Prosecutor von Karmaaaa…” The man moaned once again, though this time Franziska was able to see the pained look on his face as he approached her.

“Who-Who are you?” Franziska stuttered, her complexion becoming paler at the sight of the specter.

“Ask me who I was.” The man ordered in a hushed tone.

“Ok, then who were you?” Franziska asked with a roll of her eyes, her fear being replaced with a feeling of mild irritation, for she was in no mood for some phantom’s riddles.

“In life, I was your investigation partner, Akbey Hicks. Though knowing you, Prosecutor von Karma, you do not believe in me, yes?”

“Of course I don’t believe in you, you foolish fool!” Franziska snapped as she tried to whip the former Interpol agent, only for her whip to go right through his body, much to her shock.

“WHY DO YOU DENY MEEE!?!?!” Akbey wailed at the top of his lungs as he got in the silver-haired woman’s face, his chains rattling and clanging as his arms vigorously shook with rage.

“Alright, I believe in you!” Franziska shrieked while covering her ears. “Now will you please stop that foolish wailing and get out of my personal space?”

With a nod, the former Interpol agent slowly floated a little ways back, allowing for the prodigy prosecutor to notice his chains.

“Why are you covered in chains, Akbey Hicks?”

Upon hearing this question, Akbey held up several of the chains and gave them a good, long look before letting out a woeful sigh. “This is the chain that I forged in life. Link by link... Meter by meter... Every piece of evidence that I used to fulfill my ends at the expense of others forged this imposing chain over the course of my career. Though I can only imagine how long and heavy your chain will be, Prosecutor von Karma... I was blind! I was unable to see how I squandered my life by pushing away my friends and family for the sake of my career!” The deceased man roared with clenched fists.

“But you were always a good man of justice!” Franziska objected in a terror-filled tone.

“JUSTICE!!!? Mankind was justice! The common welfare was justice! My friends and family were justice... And yet I had failed in all of those aspects!” Akbey angrily retorted before pushing his glasses up and calming down with a deep breath. “Sorry about that. Anyways, my time in this world is nearly gone, so I'll make this quick, Prosecutor von Karma. It’s not too late for you to escape my gruesome fate... A chance for repentance and mercy...”

“You were always a good partner, Akbey Hicks.” Franziska stated with a grin.

“I know. Now you will be visited by three ghosts who-“

“What tomfoolery is this, Akbey Hicks? If you’re going to save me, then save me already!” Franziska growled as she pulled at her whip.

“As I was saying…” Akbey hissed, not pleased at having been interrupted. “Expect the first ghost to arrive exactly an hour from now. Good luck, Prosecutor von Karma, because knowing you, you’ll need it.”

Akbey then picked up his chains and slowly phased through the door in the same way that he entered the room, leaving Franziska all alone.

“How foolish!” Franziska scoffed. “That was all probably some foolish hallucination brought on by those foolish chocolates that I ate right before bed. But none the less, I have to focus on getting my beauty sleep so that I am fully alert and perfect for the busy day ahead of me.”

Franziska proceeded to lay back down, nestling herself in the comforting warmth of her clean, fluffy covers, her eyelids growing heavier and heavier with each passing second as she was lulled into a deep sleep. However, that sleep was short-lived as an hour later, the silver-haired woman was stirred awake by the loud ringing of a grandfather clock across the room signaling that it was 11 o’clock.