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"There's always next time, Steve."

Steve rolled his eyes as he shucked his coat and hung it up. "Right. Next time will be exactly the same as this time, Buck."

"Aw, c'mon, don't be like that. You gotta be positive, Stevie," Bucky protested, ruffling Steve's hair.

Steve glared at Bucky. "Really?" he complained, fixing his hair so it at least didn't look like the local mice had decided to use it as a nest.

Bucky grinned at Steve. "You love me, you know it," he teased, moving into the kitchen area.

Steve huffed quietly. You have no idea how much, he thought, just a little bitter. Okay, maybe more than a little; sue him, he'd had a crush on Bucky the entire time that they were in the orphanage, and it had only gotten worse the longer that they lived together. But in the '40s, people could be arrested, beaten, even killed for loving someone of the same sex. Maybe this was just one more way in which Steve was sick, considering that Bucky had never shown any signs of reciprocating his feelings.

Bucky had tea ready by the time Steve pulled himself out of his head. "Hey," Bucky asked, his voice quiet, concerned. "Be honest with me; you okay?"

Steve offered a small, not-quite-genuine smile. "I'm okay. And I'm always honest." The lie tasted bitter.

Bucky raised one eyebrow, but he didn't comment beyond a disbelieving hum. "C'mon, let's push the beds together," he said after they were done with their tea.

Steve wanted to protest, but he also wasn't about to pass up any opportunity to be near Bucky. "All right," he said, grabbing the cushions from the couch to use as filler between the mattresses. By the time he got into the bedroom, Bucky had already pushed the beds together. Steve helped stuff the couch cushions between the mattresses before crawling onto the makeshift bed, waiting for Bucky to climb in behind him.

He refused to feel guilty about how easy it was to fall asleep with Bucky's warmth at his back.


Bucky woke in the middle of the night with his arms around Steve, his face tucked between Steve's neck and shoulder, and his hips rocking unconsciously, rubbing his dick against Steve's ass. He froze as soon as he realized what he was doing, and then he realized that Steve was awake, practically holding his breath. "Shit," Bucky hissed, making to move back, but Steve reached back and gripped Bucky's hip hard enough to hurt. 

"Don't," he said, almost whispered. Bucky stilled, afraid to say anything. He heard Steve take a deep breath, tensing like he was steeling himself for something. When he spoke, Bucky almost wished he hadn't. "You were moaning my name."

Now Bucky wished that, for once, he was able to resist doing anything Steve asked, because he wanted nothing more than to run the fuck away. All he could do, however, was mumble, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Steve said with a fierceness that shocked Bucky. He felt Steve wriggling so that he could face Bucky. "Don't be," he repeated, a little softer this time. "I don't mind."

That got Bucky's attention. "You... You don't?"

Steve shook his head, and what he did next just about fried Bucky's brain. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Bucky's. 

It shocked Bucky all the way to the tip of his toes, but once it registered that Steve was kissing him, he groaned softly and brought one hand up to cradle Steve's face, helping guide the kiss. When they broke apart for air, Bucky studied Steve intently. "You sure?"

Steve nodded, shifting around so that Bucky was on his back with Steve straddling his hips. "I'm sure. Wanted this for a while, Buck." Steve worried his lower lip, his hand tentative as he reached for Bucky's nightshirt. Bucky helped him remove it, and then he reached for Steve's. Once they were both shirtless, Steve seemed to suddenly become shy, so Bucky reached for his hands, which were clenching and unclenching nervously, and brought them to his mouth, kissing Steve's knuckles softly. 

"It's okay," he promised in a murmur. "I want this, too." He guided Steve's hands down to his chest, pressing the younger man's palms flat against his pecs. "Want you to touch me," he added, seeing traces of nervousness still hovering around Steve's face. 

"Okay," Steve whispered, taking a deep breath. "Okay." He slowly started moving his hands, just feather-light touches at first, gently tracing Bucky's muscles. Bucky kept his hands on Steve's hips, not holding him, but just resting there, his thumbs rubbing absently over the skin. 

After a few moments, Steve reached up to take one of Bucky's wrists in one hand, lifting it up to rest against his ribs. "I want you to touch me, too," the blond confessed softly. Bucky searched Steve's gaze for a moment, but when he found only sincerity, he nodded, lifting his other hand to mirror the first. 

As Steve explored Bucky's skin, Bucky took his own time mapping out Steve's skinny frame, letting his hands skim over the warm flesh until he was hesitating at the waistband of Steve's shorts; it was the middle of summer, and both of them had gone to bed in only their shorts and shirts. "How far do you want to go?" he asked, looking up at Steve. "I'll only go as far as you want."

Steve hesitated, and then curled his fingers in Bucky's waistband, tugging lightly and looking to Bucky for permission. "Both of us," he said softly, his cheeks and chest flushed with what Bucky guessed-- hoped-- was more arousal than embarrassment.

The brunet nodded, helping Steve get rid of first Bucky's and then his own shorts. Then they were both naked, and Bucky took his time looking at Steve, shushing him gently and rubbing his palms over Steve's thighs comfortingly when the blond started to squirm under the weight of Bucky's gaze. "Well, at least you're not shrimpy all over," Bucky said teasingly, licking his lips as he finally let his gaze land where it desperately wanted to. Steve flushed even heavier and smacked Bucky in the chest with the back of his hand, muttering under his breath and scowling. Bucky just smiled and reached up to curl his hand around the back of Steve's neck, tugging the smaller man down into a kiss.

He wasn't kidding; Steve wasn't huge, not by any means, but he wasn't exactly small, either. In Bucky's opinion, he was just about perfect. Then again, to Bucky, everything about Steve was perfect. When they separated, Bucky didn't let Steve go very far. "You good?" he asked, waiting for Steve's reassurance before he let this go any further.

Steve nodded, and this time he was the one to initiate the kiss. "I'm good," he confirmed, letting his hands trail down Bucky's chest and stomach, stopping just above the thatch of hair at Bucky's groin. "Can I--?"

"Oh please God, yes," Bucky groaned, his hips moving without his consent. Steve let a chuckle escape, and when a tentative hand wrapped around his dick, Bucky took that as an invitation to do the same to Steve. Steve's gasp was music to his ears, and Bucky made himself a promise that he would spend as much time as he possibly could pulling that sound out of Steve again and again. Bucky's strokes were more confident than Steve's, but Bucky didn't mind-- the simple fact that he and Steve were here, and that he had Steve in his lap was enough for Bucky.

It wasn't enough for Steve, apparently, because the blond huffed in frustration. "I want to be under you," he muttered, squeezing the base of Bucky's cock.

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, okay, I can do that." He let go of Steve's cock and wrapped his arm around the smaller man's waist, flipping them over easily. Bucky settled between Steve's legs, and couldn't resist leaning down for another kiss. When he pulled back, he got an idea. "I want to suck you," he said, looking at Steve for approval. Steve looked like someone had short-circuited his brain, but then he was nodding quickly, almost frantically. Bucky smiled at Steve before scooting backwards until his chest was between Steve's knees, and his face was level with Steve's cock. "Never done this before," he warned. "Only had one girl do it to me. So no judging." Before Steve could spit out whatever retort was on the tip of his tongue, Bucky made him swallow it with the first lick. Steve groaned, low and drawn-out, and Bucky pulled back, frowning. "Use a pillow to muffle yourself," he warned. "Don't want the neighbors to hear." Steve looked at him with wide eyes for a moment before he nodded, and Bucky was surprised when his cock gave an interested twitch, smearing a drop of precome over Bucky's lower lip. Fuck, looked like Steve had a bit of an exhibition kink. Bucky's own cock twitched where it was pinned underneath him, and Bucky muttered a low curse before resuming his previous task, licking the length of Steve's cock in long, slow strokes before switching to soft kitten licks, working his way to the top to lap up the precome beading there. He rolled the taste around his mouth, considering, and decided it wasn't too bad-- not something he'd enjoy at any other time, but right now, he liked it.

Steve was panting, and anytime he was close to making a noise, he was quick to stifle it with a pillow. Bucky paused for a moment, listening for the tell-tale rattle of Steve's breath in his lungs to make sure that he wasn't getting overwhelmed; when he heard nothing beyond a "Dammit, Buck, quit staring," he chuckled and went back to work, this time wrapping his lips around the head and sucking lightly, smirking as much as he could with Steve's cock in his mouth when Steve didn't quite get the pillow to his mouth in time to muffle the long stream of curses falling from his lips.

Bucky wasn't stupid; he knew he wouldn't be able to take all of Steve's length in his mouth, and he wasn't even going to try-- but the idea of working up to it, of Steve's cock in his mouth, in his throat, maybe Steve gripping his hair, holding him in place while Steve fucked his mouth, the head of his cock hitting the back of Bucky's throat with every thrust... Bucky had to wriggle a hand underneath himself to tug harshly at his balls to keep himself from coming then and there. Bucky brought his other hand up to stroke what he couldn't fit in his mouth, bobbing his head slightly in counterpoint to his hand, working his tongue along the underside of Steve's cock.

Bucky didn't know how long he kept that up, only that he'd be happy to do it for the rest of forever, but Steve's hand in his hair, tugging urgently, made him pull off for a moment. "What?" he asked, looking up at Steve anxiously.

"Was gonna come," Steve answered breathlessly, his pale skin flushed a beautiful, beautiful scarlet.

Bucky chuckled. "That's kind of what I was aiming for," he smirked, and Steve smacked him lightly on the side of the head.

"I didn't-- I know a lot of girls don't like... swallowing, so I figured--" Now Steve was embarrassed, and that just wouldn't do. Bucky crawled back up Steve's body to take his chin in one hand. 

"Hey," he murmured. "Look at me." When Steve did, Bucky leaned down to kiss him softly. "It's okay. We can save that for another time, if you want." Bucky really, really wanted to try swallowing-- was surprised, honestly, at how much he wanted to-- but Steve's wants and needs came first.

Steve nodded. "I can-- " he faltered, gesturing down towards Bucky's cock, still hard. Bucky thought about it for a moment, and then shook his head.

"Not yet. There's something I-- I don't want to push you, but..."

"Buck." Steve's voice had gone soft but commanding at the same time; Bucky wasn't sure how he managed it. It was enough to get him to shut up and look at Steve, though. "Just tell me." It was an order, and Bucky was surprised at the shiver of delight that worked its way down his spine. 

"I-- One of the girls I was with, she wanted... Wanted me to go in the back door," he confessed, eyes flicking over Steve's face to land on a pillow, a blanket, anywhere he wouldn't meet Steve's gaze.

Thank goodness for Steve's quick wit, though, because the younger man pushed himself up onto his elbows and reached out to grasp the back of Bucky's neck firmly, squeezing lightly. The possessive action made Bucky's gaze snap to Steve's as he held his breath. "Bucky. Do you want to try that?" There was that tone of command again, and Bucky thought for a second that he shouldn't be so turned on by it, but, well, he was. It was hot, feeling like Steve was in control.

Bucky swallowed and then nodded. "She looked like she really enjoyed it."

Steve nodded. "We can try it, then, if you want to."

Bucky took a deep, relieved breath. "Yeah, I want to. She, um, had some stuff. Vaseline. Need it to, uh..."

"Ease the way?" Steve suggested, squirming out from under Bucky so he could root through one bedside drawer for the tub of vaseline they kept for when Bucky came home with chapped hands from working out in the wind.

"Yeah," Bucky breathed, watching as Steve made a triumphant noise and held up the tub before turning back to Bucky. 

"You want to do it, or do you want me to?" Steve asked, looking at Bucky intently.

Bucky thought it over. "You," he decided. "I don't-- I don't think I could get a good angle, y'know?"

Steve made a thoughtful noise as he knee-walked closer. "Makes sense. You wanna get on your back?"

Bucky shook his head, leaning forward and positioning himself on his hands and knees. "She said it's easier like this, so I figure we should try it this way, first."

Steve didn't reply for a long moment, and when Bucky looked over his shoulder to ask what the holdup was, the words shriveled up and died on his tongue when he caught sight of the look on Steve's face. Steve looked... hungry, really, was the only word for it. It made the breath catch in Bucky's lungs, and when Steve finally met his gaze, Bucky wasn't entirely sure what to label the choked-off moan that tried to escape him.

That seemed to be enough to snap Steve out of whatever daze he was in, though, because then he was moving forward, unscrewing the top as he came up behind Bucky. "I'm guessing one finger first?"

Bucky nodded, and then hissed when he felt the cold cream against his skin. "Jesus, warm that up, first!"

"It's not that cold, you baby," Steve retorted, and Bucky could practically hear the eyeroll. "I'm just-- gonna go slow, okay?"

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, that's probably goo-- oood," he said, ending with a moan that he hastily buried in the pillow under his face. "Oh God," he groaned, his hips moving back on Steve's hand. Fuck, that felt good-- a bit weird, and a little burning (although that was rapidly fading), but so fucking good.

"Quiet," Steve admonished, but Bucky could hear the grin in his voice. Steve took his time torturing Bucky, until Bucky was having a hard time keeping himself quiet. "Ready for another?" Steve asked after a few minutes. Bucky nodded eagerly, and then bit down on the pillow as Steve added more vaseline before beginning to work the second finger in. It burned, again, but same as last time, the burn swiftly faded. Bucky was glad his face was already buried in the pillow(although it would be relegated to the floor after tonight, because he had a feeling that it was going to have one hell of a wet spot) when Steve's fingers hit a spot inside of him that made his whole body jerk. He tilted his head to the side, just enough so that he could hiss, "There, Steve, hit that spot again."

It took Steve a couple of tries, but once he figured out what spot Bucky was talking about, he nailed it. Bucky was half-worried he could come from that alone. When Steve inquired about a third, all Bucky could do was toss his head in assent, and rock his hips back against Steve's hand. He was ready for the burn this time, and made himself relax-- Christ, if he'd known just how pleasurable this could be, he might've gone down to one of the queer bars one night.

"More," he whined, his hips rocking back on Steve's fingers, fucking himself on them. "Christ, Steve, I need more."

"I don't--"

"Your cock, please." Bucky didn't know where the words came from, but he wasn't going to take them back. Quite the contrary. "Please, Steve, wanna feel your cock in me, 'm all nice and loose now, want you to fuck me, please."

Steve sounded like he was choking on air, but as he removed his fingers-- a little too quickly for Bucky, who hissed in displeasure-- and Bucky heard the sounds of Steve slicking up his cock, he figured the blond was okay. The head of Steve's cock felt much larger, much more than Steve's fingers had, and Steve's fingers wrapped around his hips were going to leave bruises that Bucky would have to be sure his clothes covered the next day, but at this moment, Bucky really could not care less. Then Steve pushed in, and Bucky had to grab for the pillow once again, biting down on it to keep himself from moaning like a whore and alerting their neighbors to what they were up to. 

Steve stopped when he was fully seated, his hips flush against Bucky's ass, and Bucky was almost ashamed to admit he whimpered, not wanting Steve to stop. He rocked back against Steve, slowly circling his hips and getting used to the feeling of Steve's cock in his ass.

"Buck, please tell me I can move." Steve's voice was strangled, and when Bucky glanced over his shoulder, the blond looked like he was approximately five seconds away from coming. Bucky nodded, circling his hips again, and threw his head back, teeth clenched, when Steve withdrew almost all the way, only to slowly push back in; he repeated the motion several times, until Bucky had relaxed enough that Steve could fuck into him harder, deeper. Then the head of Steve's cock dragged over that spot, and Bucky's cock, which had wilted a little with Steve's first slow entry, immediately perked back up. "Fuck, Steve," he hissed, ignoring the pillow in favor of digging his teeth into his forearm, hoping the pain would distract him from coming; he wanted this to last.

Steve didn't say anything, only shifted on his knees, adjusting his angle just so, and then Bucky suddenly knew what Paradise felt like, original sin included-- anything that felt this good had to be illegal. He almost giggled hysterically when he remembered it was, that what he and Steve were doing was illegal, but the thought was quickly fucked out of him; everything that wasn't the feeling of Steve's cock sliding in and out of him, Steve's grip on one hip and his other hand tangled in Bucky's hair was driven out. "Steve, Christ, gonna--" Bucky panted, trying desperately to hold on.

"Yeah, Buck, me, too. God, feel so good," Steve groaned, letting himself fall forward until his hands were braced on either side of Bucky so he could rut into him. Bucky reached underneath himself with a shaky hand to jerk himself off, and it only took three strokes before he was coming, biting down hard enough on the pillow that he was surprised it didn't tear. 

Steve didn't last much longer, but he chose to bury his cry of release in the meat of Bucky's shoulder, teeth digging into the flesh deep enough that Bucky was surprised he didn't draw blood.

Bucky managed to roll both himself and Steve to one side so that they wouldn't be lying in the puddle of Bucky's come. It was weird, feeling Steve's cock softening inside of him, but Bucky wasn't complaining; if the price he had to pay for feeling like that when he came was also feeling a little dick-softening, he'd gladly pay it.

Out of habit, he paid careful attention to Steve's breathing; anytime Steve started breathing as hard as he was at the moment, Bucky got worried. Luckily, it didn't seem like Steve was going to suffer an attack this time; his breathing slowly calmed. Once Steve had his breath back, Bucky pulled away from him, making at face at the sensation of Steve's soft dick pulling out of his ass. Bucky flipped over so that he could look at Steve. He was pretty sure he was sporting a similar expression to Steve's: a bit dopey, completely satisfied. "I love you," Bucky smiled, leaning in for a kiss. It was only when the kiss was over that he and Steve realized what he'd said.

Steve was looking at him in wonder. "You do?"

Bucky shrugged the shoulder that he wasn't laying on. "Well, yeah. Wouldn't let just any guy put his cock in my ass."

Steve punched him on the shoulder. "Jerk."

Bucky laughed, pulling Steve closer to him. "Punk."

They settled into a comfortable silence, broken only by Steve's murmured, "I love you, too."

Bucky's smile stayed with him until they fell asleep.