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For North America

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Wade leans in, not even to do anything, just to peer at the plans, when Max shoves his gloved hand into Wade's face and pushes him away with a grumpy, "Later, Wade. I'm trying to save America."

"You said that yesterday," Wade says, 'cause now he can't help but get a little pissed. Max seems to keep forgetting that he's Canadian. America doesn't really matter to him, just the money and the perks. There are supposed to be more perks. Open-mouthed, with tongue, and no fucking saran wrap, but Max prefers close-mouthed, chaste, and a fucking dental dam between Wade's mouth and his.

"Because of the bacteria, Wade. America's interests never rest and neither can I."

It's in that same dry, serious tone that Max says, "Saving America is a twenty-four hour job."

"Yeah." Wade drops into the chair across the room. "I've noticed."


Blowing up a building, killing people, pretending to give a shit about America — it's a long, tiresome, thankless fucking job, and the last thing Wade needs right now is Max in his face about another job before he's had a shower and a beer and a chance to unwind.

"You haven't paid me for the last one yet," Wade says, because sometimes, Max needs reminders about things like that.

"Lucy will take care of you."

Lucy? Wade mouths, mostly to himself, because who the fuck is Lucy? He turns around and meets Lucy, who hands him a check.

"Are you kidding?" Wade turns to Max and holds up the check. "Is this a joke?"

Max doesn't look up from his plans. He's always reading plans. "I take protecting America's interests very seriously, Wade."

Wade holds back a sigh and shoves the check back into Lucy's hands. "Cash only. Don't ever give me this shit again."

It's no surprise that Lucy gets replaced fairly quickly. The only one with any staying power seems to be Wade, and he's very tempted to take the money and go merc.


"I'm Canadian," Wade says — again — when Max starts in on protecting, saving, helping, rescuing, shielding, defending, blah, blah, blah America.

"North America," Max says without a pause.

Wade can only shake his head. "Look—"

"The point is, Wade, that I'm a very busy man."

"Yeah, I get that."

"Then why are you bothering me?"

"Never mind," Wade sighs, and goes to blow up some more buildings and people.