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Tales of Sexcapades

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Nearly every Saturday night, for the past 11 weeks, has been appointed the Girls/Boys night by the entire glee club. That is, nearly every weekend, the whole club goes over to the Hummel/Hudson household for a gathering- however, there is a strict no-singing policy instituted, since they spend the entire week singing at school and no, Rachel, no one wants to hear you sing another power ballad about your personal issues.

All the boys, sans Kurt, go into the basement for video games, action movies and talking. The girls all go up to Kurt’s room, where they gossip, watch dramas, and wonder alike why some boys are so idiotic.

This week, with Burt and Carole in DC for the weekend, Girls/Boys night starts a bit earlier, and before splitting, everyone heads in the kitchen for a light snack Kurt had made. The girls and Kurt then head upstairs to watch Four Weddings and gossip about who knows what, while the boys head downstairs to play video games- Finn carrying Artie down while Sam bring his chair.

Mike and Finn play first, sitting on the floor in front of the TV while the other boys sit behind them. At first they’re all watching the screen, but then Puckerman starts talking- like he usually does. It’s almost always about sex, or girls. Both, typically.

“I just don’t get what more she wanted.” Puck sighs, recounting the tale of Friday night’s sexual exploit. “I mean, if she didn’t want me to jizz on her face, she should’ve spit or swallowed. When I told her that she said it was ‘Too much’ which is totally ridiculous, right?” He asks. The rest of the boys furrow their brows- most of them are pretty sure that statement was probably sexist.

“I just wish I fucking knew what girls want from sex.” Puckerman sighs, then narrows his eyes at Blaine, a smirk crawling onto his face as he gets an idea.

“Blaine. You, my friend, enjoy cock and the fuckage of said cock. Help a brother out here? How much cum is too much for a receiver to handle?” Everyone snaps their heads toward Blaine, who hums thoughtfully in return.

“Well, the average amount of semen released during ejaculation is 2.5 to 6 mL so, as long as you’re within those parameters, I think you’re okay.” Blaine shrugs, and the boys stare at him blankly.

“Uh, okay. Well what about facials? Is cum better on the face?” Puck asks, and Blaine shrugs once again.

“I mean, semen does have protein in it, but there’s no proof that it’s beneficial to your face. That, and STIs can still be transmitted that way.” Blaine says factually, and Puck groans, growing frustrated.

“Oooookay? What about fucking, then? Is 6 inches too much to handle? Because I know that that’s kinda big and over average, right?” Puck asks, and Blaine snorts out a laugh. If I can handle 8 and a half, 6 is no big deal, he thinks.

“Well, the average width of an erect penis is about 4 ¾ inches in circumference and about 5 ½ inches long. The average vagina is about 3 inches deep, so an average size guy like yourself will certainly be able to reach her cervix.” Blaine says with a smile, beaming at the looks of disbelief from around the room.

“And for guys? Where’s their G-spot thing?” Artie asks, and Blaine grins.

“For men having anal sex, it only takes about 4 inches to stimulate the prostate with anal penetration.” Blaine informs him, and Puckerman huffs from across the room.

“So what you’re saying is Kurt is small?” Puck asks, annoyed.

“No? I’m giving you facts here.”

“Then fucking tell me how to make a girl like my sex better!” Puck shouts, startling the boys who were previously distracted by the video game.

“Step one is respecting her.” Blaine says, and the boys let out a long ‘Ooooh’. Puck rolls his eyes then pat’s Finn’s shoulder.

“My turn, move over.”


About an hour later, as the boys are discussing basketball and their upcoming March Madness brackets, Kurt bounds down the stairs, in grey sweatshorts and a Dalton Athletics T-shirt he told from Blaine back when they had first started dating. He sneaks in behind Blaine, who’s sitting on the couch, and wraps his arms around his neck, planting a barely-there kiss on his cheek.

“Hey.” Blaine says softly, the other boys still yammering on about sports and other things Kurt doesn’t give a shit about.

“Hey.” Kurt says in return, softly circling his finger around Blaine’s chest, who hums at the motion.

“What’s up?” Blaine asks, ignoring Artie and Sam who are waggling their eyebrows as him.

“The girls left. They had a bridesmaid fitting at 4 so, I was wondering if you wanted to come up with me and hang out.” Kurt says, tapping lightly on Blaine’s nipple at the words “hang out”. Blaine hums affirmatively and stands up, meeting Kurt at the bottom of the stairs and taking his hand.

“Guys, I’m heading upstairs now. See ya.” Blaine says with a wave, rolling his eyes at the whoops they receive as he lets Kurt lead them to his room.


Blaine sits on the bed and watches as Kurt finishes picking up, folding stray blankets and setting them on the floor, to be moved to the hall closet later.

“You know, Puckerman was getting sort of….” Blaine trails off, trying to think of a word that summed up exactly what happened downstairs.

“Annoying?” Kurt offers as he picks up the last blanket, a large crocheted one he got for christmas a few years ago, and Blaine huffs out a laugh.

“Kind of. Idiotic? Pretentious? A little bit sexist and very sex obsessed?” Blaine says, as Kurt folds the final blanket and sets it on the piled.

“How so?” Kurt asks, sitting next to Blaine and running a hand along his thigh.

“He just kept asking me about sex and stuff and I just… didn’t want to say anything about it to him.” Blaine sighs, and Kurt tilts his head in curiosity.

“Why’s that?” He asks, and Blaine looks up at him.

“Well… I just didn’t know if you’d be okay with it.” Blaine answers truthfully, although he’s still not completely sure he wants to tell them either, in case it makes them uncomfortable. Especially Finn, who he's pretty sure wouldn't be too thrilled hearing about how much his friend love's his stepbrother's cock up his ass.

“The other guys tell their sex stories, right?” Kurt asks, and Blaine nods with wide eyes.

“Oh yes. Very intricately.” He says, and Kurt shrugs.

“Then tell them. I mean, don’t go into too much detail or talk about the.. I don’t know, kinkier aspects of it? I mean,” Kurt sighs, organizing his thoughts before continuing. “Tell them what feels good and what it’s like or whatever, but leave some of the detail and intimacy just for us.” Kurt says, and Blaine nods, eyebrows knitted together.

“Of course, Kurt. That’s just for us.” Blaine says sweetly, then grins and he stands up. “Thanks for that, Kurt. Puck seemed kind of annoyed with me earlier, and he does have another sexcapade later tonight so, I guess I’ll go tell h-”

“Absolutely not.” Kurt scolds, grabbing Blaine’s hand and pulling him close so that he’s standing between Kurt’s legs where he’s perched on the bed. “I believe you need a refresher course.” Kurt flirts, and Blaine smirks.

“You’re just horny.” He teases as Kurt unbuckles his belt and yanks his pants down his thighs.

“And I invited you up here specifically for sex. You're not ducking out on me early. Now come here and let me sexcapade you.” Blaine laughs and lets himself be pulled onto the bed, his pants sliding the rest of the way down and falling to the floor.


Except Blaine can’t stop thinking about what he said to Puckerman earlier, even when he’s lying on his back and Kurt is three fingers into his asshole. As Kurt slides his fingers out and lubes up his condom-sheathed cock, Blaine really starts to wonder. What is the difference between 6 inches and 8 inches? He can certainly take 8 well enough, would 6 feel the same, or not good enough? What about if Kurt gets another growth spurt in the cock department (which he shouldn’t since they stop growing as late as 18, but still. Kurt’s 18 right now anyways)? Will 9 inches feel like too much? If the prostate is 4 inches deep, is he missing out on something by his boyfriend’s cock being too big?

Blaine’s pulled out of his thoughts as Kurt enters him, in one long, languid push. As Kurt brushes his bangs out of his face before fucking into him at a quick, practiced pace, Blaine realizes he doesn’t give a shit.

He doesn’t give a shit, because Kurt’s cock is in him right now and it feels like Kurt was made specifically for his ass. His size and shape and girth and his everything is perfect enough for Blaine.

More than that, he knows exactly which buttons to push to get Blaine close quicker. He knows exactly what to say to make the heat start pooling low in Blaine’s belly. He knows that if he smacks Blaine’s ass or thigh once or twice it’ll not only feel good for Blaine, but the reverberations from the action and the way Blaine spasms around his cock will feel good for him too.

He knows damn well that when he grabs Blaine’s cock, leans in close and whispers, “Come for me, beautiful”, that Blaine will obey and splatter pearly white all across his chest and Kurt’s fist.

Blaine knows what buttons of Kurt’s to push too, however. Once his head clears from his orgasm, Kurt’s still fucking into him, at a slow sharp pace which Blaine knows means he’s close, so he clenches around Kurt as he comes, causing him to moan just a bit deeper in pitch than he normally would, which makes Blaine's hear flutter every time.

Kurt disposes of the condom and wipes Blaine clean with a tissue, covering them up under the comforter as Blaine cuddles into his chest.

“That was a really great refresher.” Blaine mumbles, and Kurt chuckles softly.

“I thought I was just horny.” Kurt jokes, and Blaine smiles, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s chest.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, B.”