Work Header

That Fanfic where Shrek is a Kingsman and GORILLAZ are helping him to rescure CORY IN THE HOUSE from Darth Vader ad other Bad Guys X-TREME

Chapter Text

A long time ago, in the Year 30,000,000 BC, there was a pack of Ogres, where their cold and calculating leader, Shrek, was leading. The ogres were among the most feared species, because they were unpredictable, monstrous beings, they ate people, people feared them. The Ogres had several enemies throughout their existence, witches, elves, pookies, etc. Their allies were the Donkeys, but their worst enemies were the Cybertonians, organic metal beings from the planet Cyberton, their leader, Megatron, was a cruel Decepticon dictator who commanded a pack of evil Cybertonians, Megatron destroyed the entire population of Shrek.
Megatron killed each of the ogres. Shrek wanted to face Megatron. "But Shrek, that's crazy, you could die!" - Donkey told Shrek, preventing him from going. "I do not care donkey, Megatron must die, I must banish him ... Better outside than inside" - Shrek told Donkey coldly, in that. Donkey insisted more, but Shrek ignored him, and turned around and left.
Shrek had managed to kill several Deceptics, Starscream had seen it, so he quickly went to the throne where Megatron was. "Lord Megatron, the Ogre we thought was dead has returned!" - Starscream commented to Megatron. In that Megatron gets up from his throne and grabs Starscream from his neck and strangles him. "Oh, Starscream, only someone as stupid as you could be scared by an insignificant Ogre, that's why you're still not a leader. Make our guest comfortable, have fun a little "- Megatron tells Starscream while speaking to him in a low voice. "Everything you say, L-Lord Megatron, just ... S-let me go, Or ..." - Starscream pleads. "Or what?" - Megatron shouts as he squeezes it tighter. "Nothing! He would never question his magnificent and glorious leadership, my lord! "Starscream tells him, almost without a voice. "GO!" - Megatron yells at him whipping him on the ground. "Yes, my lord" - Starscream transforms and flies away. "asshole ..." - Starscream whispers.
After half an hour, Shrek was able to reach Megatron's lair. "Megatron! I have come to recover what you have stolen, Fiona, my children, my swamp, my friends, my troop, it is time for you to pay ... and I will charge you "- Shrek shouts angrily at Megatron. "As you say ..." - Megatron rises from his throne, and lights your cannon towards Shrek. "Until the last ogre ..." - Megatron shoots ... Smoke Shrek remains alive, he does not understand. "Everything is fine Shrek, now you are safe" - Donkey appears with a huge hole in his body. "Donkey! Because you did!? - Shrek grabs Donkey. "It's time to start over... Shrek ... it's time to write your own ... fairy tale ... Shrek." - Donkey dies in Shrek's arms. Shrek hugs Donkey on the ground while he cries, but then turns to see Megatron furiously with tears in his eyes, in that he gets up off the ground and grabs his sword, runs towards Megatron, Shrek is shouting "THIS IS FOR DAMN FUCKING BASTARD! "- Shrek.
Megatron shoots Shrek several times, but because he was too fast, he can not give it to him. Shrek manages to pull the barrel from a snarl, Megatron to be helpless Shrek manages to tear off several parts of the body, hurt him and almost kill him (He also takes an eye). Megatron having no defenses, is thrown to the ground, Shrek goes to his head. "THIS IS YOUR END, MEGATRON! RINDETE OR DIE! "- Shrek was threatening him with the sword in his head. As the ground was so damaged it breaks, and fall into the icy water, where Shrek freezes, and Megatron manages to ascend the throne again, almost or has strength, only had his right leg, an arm and a half, and half a head. Megatron could not reach to climb the whole throne, so he drops into the water. It seemed that the two of them had died, there was nothing left, just a ruined throne, rubble and a lot of Decepticons around the hole.
From the heights comes Starscream towards one of the ends of the hole. "Oh ominous day, our beloved and glorious leader Megatron, has left us without hope, with unfulfilled promises, a broken dream. He left us empty-handed, he did so much for nothing, at least eliminated our only obstacle, the battle of the ogres is over ... "- Says Starscream" And now what are we going to do? "- Question Motormaster. "... Praise your Lord Starscream." - Starscream laughs…

2015 D.C. England.
They were Harry Hart and Shrek on a mission flying a Kingsman helicopter, they were chasing a pirate helicopter that had stolen the queen's crown. "Hey Harry, I need you to tie this rope to one of the doors, so I can throw myself and place the bomb, which is already activated" - Shrek tells Harry as he is tied to a rope. In that Shrek jumps from the helicopter and falls to the enemy helicopter, in which one of the pirates gets up quickly and pulls a sword from his coat. "ARRR, SHIT OGRE, YOU JUST INVADED THE BOAT OF THE CAPTAIN PANZON GORDOTE" - The captain started attacking Shrek, but as Shrek was extremely skilled, he easily dodged the sword.

"Shrek, remember the plan, take the loot, put the bomb, and go, it's not that difficult, you only have fifteen seconds, hurry up, or we both die." Harry says through the microphone to Shrek, "Quiet Harry, I'm just playing a little here. "- Shrek comments as he fights with the captain. It is an epic fight worthy of gods. "5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ..." - Count Harry. "Sorry captain, but it's time to go, Better out than in, right?" - Shrek grabs the crown, drops the bomb and jumps out of the helicopter as it explodes.

Shrek returns to the Kingmsan helicopter "SHREK, ARE YOU CRAZY ?, That could have cost you your life." - Exclaimed Harry. Shrek sits next to Harry, "Come on Harry, it's not the first time something like this has happened on a mission, and we've already saved the world about 3 times." - Shrek recharges himself in the seat. "But that cost you Eggsy's life. Do you remember Shrek? "Harry angrily answers Shrek. Shrek has a panic attack and destroys everything, in that he accidentally throws the crown into the void of the cold mountains. Shrek recovers the reasoning, looks around, looks at the shattered helicopter, has the cloudy view, looks at Harry screaming at him, Shrek has depression decides to jump out of the helicopter. "SHREK, NO!" - Harry exclaims. Shortly after launching Shrek faints, so he did not die, as he was attached to the rope. In that Harry makes a heroic act and takes it to the new Stateman Offices.

Much later in the Stateman barracks, Shrek was in the office of the head of the Stateman, "Did he want to see me sir?" - Shrek distressed asks with his head bowed. "Agent Shrek, for the memorable rescue mission to the crown of the Queen of England, Harry told me a bit of information which surprised me about you Shrek, is it true that you had an attack of anger?" - He wags his cigar by the nose. "Yes, sir." Shrek answers in a low voice. "What's going on with you Shrek ?, you were not like that." - answers his distressed boss. Shrek does not answer, and starts breathing hard. "Easy Shrek." - Ginger puts her hand on Shrek's shoulder. "AWAY FROM ME" - Shrek responds with a sudden movement. "I'm sorry to tell you this Shrek, but you're officially fired, hand over your items" - The head of Stateman stops and sits down again. "But sir, you can not fire me, I'm one of the best agents here, the crown is still around, surely the pirates were not the only ones, and we do not know why they want it" - Shrek raises his head. "Sorry Shrek, there's nothing you can do" - the Head Of Stateman turns to look out the window. In that Shrek looks at him angrily fixed by the reflection of the window.


Ginger accompanies Shrek to the exit, Shrek wore a black jacket and a very long black cotton coat and an umbrella, since it was raining outside, "I'm sorry Shrek, I think it's the best for everyone, including you" -Ginger hugs Shrek to fire him. "Do not worry, I'll be fine." Shrek lets go, and turns around and starts walking, she sees him walking, until he disappears into the fog.

Shrek walks through the fog, walks on a stool on the left side of the street, out of nowhere he was in London, he is sad, thieves with a group of Furrys had beaten him and stolen the umbrella. In that Shrek comes to his apartment wet. "Shrek was waiting for you" - A mysterious woman's voice comes out of her apartment, Shrek turns on the light and sees that it is Princess Leia. "Princess. What are you doing here? "- Shrek leaves his vest. "I need your help, the president of the United States, is at risk because he was kidnapped this afternoon" - Leia gives a box with photos to Shrek. "Cory? But if he is my best friend. "- Shrek tears his eyes and gives half a turn. "There are rumors that it was Emperor Palpatine, others say it was the Lord Starscream, but there is no evidence really." - Leia tells Shrek by giving Shrek a folder. "What we do have proof is that Palpatine built a death star, and he wants to destroy the white house, maybe you can help with something" - Leia tells Shrek and Shrek grabs the folder. "I'm sorry, I can not do anything, I'm retired. I'm not a Kingsman anymore. "- Shrek returns the folder. "I never said we needed a Kingsman." - Leia stands up from the chair. "... I will join the team again." - Shrek squeezes Cory's picture.

Later Shrek is in his bed watching television "Several people have acted strangely for a supposed second moon that is seen from space, either day or night, politicians have ..." - Talk Circuit on television. Shrek holds his phone (A Samsung Galaxy 5) Shrek marks Barry Benson but does not answer. "Hi, Barry? I am Shrek, I know we have not spoken for a long time, but you have to overcome the death of Johny Test, it was not your fault, but I need to form the team, Cory is in danger of death, there is not much time left, if you listen to this message, please answer, I need your help, I'll contact an old friend. " - Shrek leaves a message for Barry, so he meditates for a while, gets out of bed and takes his coat. "Of course not, I would not let a tyrant hurt our planet earth, of course I control everything in order, for something I'm the chosen one. Believe me, everything that opposes, will be eliminated, our world has to be cleansed of the unwanted. I do the best for me. Till All Are.... "- Shrek sees talking to Starscream on television and turns it off.

Shrek goes outside, it's still raining, he gets in a corner and asks for a taxi. A taxi stops and Shrek goes up.
"Where do I take it, sir?" Ron Weasley turns around. (In this universe he had failed, so he was expelled from Hogwarts and became a taxi driver in London) Shrek is silent for a while. "I need to go to HM WormWood prison ... an old friend needs me." Shrek smiles and puts on a hat. "As you say" - Ron lights the car and they fly.