Rick returned home in a rush, carrying multicoloured crystals for Beth.
He stepped out of his portal and accosted a grown-up young man wearing a red waistcoat.
"MoORrty! Have you been in the garage fucking with my stuff?" He drooled.
The young man shook his head. "My name's Mharti and I'm looking for Doc."
"What dimension are yoOU from?"
"This one, sir. You look like a cleaner version of Doc." He was carrying a yellow kite with a red tail, and the string wrapped around his hand.
"Cleaner? WhoOO's Doc? A Rick?"
"He's a time traveller, and I have to perform oral sex on him to time travel."
Rick's jaw fell open. "What? Are you related?"
"He's my grandpa, but that's the only way I can protect him, sir."
Rick thought it was grand to camouflage his brainwaves with Morty Waves. But oral sex...
"Can you demonstrate?"
"Can you time travel me back to before I lost Doc?"
"No. I can portal you to wherever he went, MhHARti. Just tell me where he went."
"He went... he went... that way!!!" Mharti yelled and pointed down the street to McDonalds.
Rick sighed. He went into the garage and fired up a location-tracker device. He came out with its antennas up and flashing.
"Have you got anything of his, Mharti?"
Mharti felt inside his mouth. "Here's something of his."
Rick couldn't believe him. "A pube? That'll do, Mharti." He tucked it between the two antennas in an anti-gravity lock and pressed some buttons. An arrow showed up on screen and pointed the other way from McDonalds.
Mharti noticed. "But I want to go to McDonalds, sir!!" he cried.
Meanwhile, Morty had been kidnapped by the strangest Rick he'd ever met. He knew it wasn't his from the untidy way he was dressed. His hair looked like a bunch of zigzags and he had his balls hanging out.
"Rick," he managed. "You've got your balls out."
"Yes, Mharti. The time travel car won't start again. You know what to do!"
Time travel? This Rick had invented time-travel instead of a portal gun?
"You have to go down on your knees and lick--"
"No, Rick, NO! HELP!"
Rick's hand clamped down on his arm. "What's wrong, Mharti? You've never said 'No' to your dear old grandpa before."
They... they were from the same dimension??! And still related? He knew Ricks did horrible things to Mortys, but this was another level...
"Uh, Rick, I just don't feel well today, that's all..."
'Rick' steered him inside a dusty old garage where a huge beige dust sheet covered a car.
Morty's eyes widened as 'Rick' felt around his balls. "Now, Mharti, now!" He pulled the dust cover from the car in one cool, swift movement, and revealed a DeLorean. He raised the passenger door upwards.
"Mharti, you didn't do anything, but hop in."
"No, Rick, you've lost your mind." Morty couldn't help put stare at Rick's dangly cock. This was worse than Mr Jelly Bean. No, nothing was worse than Mr Jelly Bean, he corrected himself.
"Who's this 'Rick'?" said Rick, wonderingly.
"What's your--your name?"
"Doc Smith, and you're Mharti McDonalds. Although you've lost your waistcoat and your kite. And you look a little younger, too." He paused. "Have you been time travelling and changed time again? Because you faded last time. You know what to do!" He put a hand to his cock and tried to slap it upright. "I need a little pill."
Morty watched Doc fumble in his lab coat then trouser pockets. He wondered who Mharti was.
While he was distracted, Morty backed off and headed for the garage's entrance. Where he met Rick.
"Rick!! I never thought I'd be so glad to see you!" He hugged his grandpa. "Take me home please."
"Quiet, MoORty--" he wiped drool from his chin "--I've brought a very special someone with me."
Outside, Mharti waved. "I'm Mharti," he said. And he was wearing a really old fashioned red life preserver.
"Rick, Doc invented time travel not interdimen--" he began.
Rick said, "I know, Morty. I've even EXperienced how for myself, but that's not important right now.
"Rick, I don't--I don't understand. Doc wanted me to lick his balls to start the car."
"That's how it works, Morty," said Mharti happily. "Then grandpa and me go on adventures."
Morty backed off, appalled. He backed into Rick, and felt the antennas in his back. It zapped him. "RICK!! It hurts, Rick! It hurts so much!" He fell to the floor.
Doc rushed over. "Mharti! Is he going to die?" he asked Rick, then noticed Mharti for the first time.
Rick burst out laughing. "You've got your balls drooping out," he said. "They're even more shrivelled up than mine."
Doc scowled, revealing lots of lines in his forehead. "Which year are you from?" he asked.
Mharti replied, "They hop between places, Doc! He showed me one where everybody's a giant farting ass. There's one where chairs sit on people, and..."
Morty rolled onto his boot and clutched his ankle. "Aowww!! Pleeease, Mharti! Help me! I've been burned."
His Rick got out an injection and stabbed Morty in the ass. "Relax, Morty. We've been here before." He injected healing serum.
Morty got up immediately. "Thanks, Rick," he said, rubbing his ass. "What is that?"
"It's a location-finding device, Morty! That's how I tracked you to this garage! How did Mharti do it, I don't know. But I do know that's how we found you and Doc with his zipper open!!"
Doc fumbled his balls. "Someone's got to start my car, and I need them licked real bad, Rick. I need them licked all the way up my butthole. Mharti can't do it any more; his saliva is weak and thin. I need it fresh! I need a new Mharti."
Mharti looked glum. "But Doc! I've been travelling with you for years, and this is how you repay me??"
"I needed to time travel back to before you lost your touch, Mharti. I need to go back a few years before you started dating that chick, Jennifer, who had your kids. I need to time travel back before you had that accident!"
"But, Doc," Mharti whined, "we stopped all that with time travel! You helped me pass my test. You helped me keep my arm, and you stopped me from being fired!"
"But I need it, Mharti. You have to think about old grandpa for once. I can't reach my own balls. God knows I've tried."
"You need a transplant," suggested Rick, who had been listening. He took out his portal gun and fired it at the wall. He stepped a leg through. "This is the best hospital in the galaxy."