In which Dick and Jason act as overprotective brothers, sneaking around to "oversee" the dates of Tim and Conner, Damian and Jon, and later, even Bruce and Clark. Their family is not amused.
“Jason! Jason! Jason!”
Jason heard Dick screaming his name the minute Dick turned the corner and started running up the hall.
Dick bolted into the library, jumping onto the sofa Jason was sitting on and tackled him back. Jason’s book fell to the ground, and Dick sat on his stomach, hands on either side of Jason’s face, squishing his cheeks together.
“Jason! You’ve got to help me!” Dick said, breathing hard.
Jason frowned at him the best he could. He probably looked like an angry pufferfish. He tried talking, but his words came out all jumbled.
“No, no,” Dick said. “You don’t understand! It’s an emergency!”
Jason tried to tell Dick to ‘get off me, you stupid oaf’, but it obviously did not translate.
“Jason, I can’t do this by myself!” Dick whined. “I need someone’s help, it can only be you!”
Finally, Jason twisted his head out of the way, glaring up at Dick. “What the fuck, Dick?” he asked, pulling an arm out from under Dick’s legs and rubbing his cheek. “What are you talking about? And get off of me!”
Dick climbed off of Jason, and Jason went to sit back up. Then, Dick lay down on his lap, trapping Jason under him again. Jason rolled his eyes while Dick sobbed loudly into the cushions.
Dick rolled over onto his back. “Jay!” he gasped. “I need your help!”
“Then can you tell me what’s wrong?” Jason asked, showing his obvious frustration.
Dick took a deep breath. “Tim’s going on a date.”
“So?” Dick asked, sitting up so abruptly Jason flinched. “He’s our baby brother, Jay! He’s- He’s only eighteen!”
“He’s an adult now, Dick,” Jason said, reaching over to grab his fallen book. “Just like you and I. He can do whatever he wants.”
“But, Jason! You don’t get it,” Dick said. “He’s going on a date! With a boy.”
Jason’s eyebrows rose at that. “…And?”
“And don’t you want to know who it is?” Dick asked, throwing his hands up in the air.
“It’s Conner. Kent,” Dick said. He waited a beat. “Jason, how are you not outraged by this?”
“Because I really don’t care who Replacement’s dating, Dick.”
“Tim’s taking him on the yacht ride tonight. Alone.”
Jason’s eyes snapped up. “Alone alone?”
Dick nodded gravely. “Just them.”
Jason snapped his book shut. “Is this the first date?” he asked.
“Nope, nope, not okay,” Jason said. “Who knows what’s going to happen on their little escapade? What if he kidnaps Timmy? Oh, no, that’s not happening.” Jason turned to Dick. “We have to do something.”
“That’s what I said!” Dick exclaimed. “Poor Tim. He’s not going to know what hit him!”
Jason’s eyebrows furrowed. “Okay. What are you thinking we should do?”
Dick’s smiled. “I thought you’d never ask, Jaybird!”
“Wow, it’s really quiet out here,” Conner murmured, staring out over the ocean.
“Yeah, it is,” Tim agreed.
“Reminds me of Kansas,” Conner said. “But even more quiet, actually. On the farm, there were always crickets, the wind, Ma and Pa Kent bustling around the house. Out here… nothing.”
“Kind of eerie, isn’t it? I mean, we’re so close to the city, yet… we can’t hear it,” Tim said.
“I like it,” Connor said. He smiled at Tim. “It’s private out here. It’s like we’re finally alone.”
Tim laughed quietly, resting his head on Connor’s shoulder. “Hm, I like it too.”
Above them, at the helm of the yacht, Dick and Jason glared down at the couple.
“They’re going to kiss,” Jason hissed.
Dick clasped a hand over Jason’s mouth. He pointed down at Connor, gesturing wildly.
Jason rolled his eyes. “Didn’t you hear them?” Jason asked. “They think it’s completely silent. If Connor could had his super hearing on, he’d have done something about it already.”
Dick sighed. “I guess.”
“So what’re we going to do about the inevitable kissing?” Jason whispered. “For all we know, it’s going to end up with him sucking out Tim’s soul!”
Dick made a face at that. “I don’t- I don’t think it will be that drastic, but you’re right. We can’t let Tim get too emotionally attached to him. Tim’s going to end up heartbroken, I just know it. Nothing ever goes right with dating aliens.”
“So what do you think we should do?”
Jason shrugged. “Whenever I want to stop something, I just jump out of wherever I’m hiding and start shooting people.”
Dick frowned. “That’s not a great approach, Jay.”
“Well, I never thought I’d be staking out a date, Dickie.”
“Wait, shh! They’re talking about something else again!”
Jason gasped. “Not talking, Dick! They’re arguing.”
They both leaned forward to get a better look at the couple. Tim had taken his head off Connor’s shoulder and was making sharp gestures while talking.
Connor sat up in his lounge chair, a frown on his face as he listened to Tim. Then, he responded, also gesturing sharply. Tim scoffed, rolling his eyes before crossing his arms and turning away from Connor.
“So they’re not going to kiss?” Jason asked.
Dick grinned. “Looks like it,” he said. “To a job well done!” He gave Jason a high five.
Not done, obviously, mostly because I did not know how to keep going with this, haha.