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Rule No.1: No Swearing in the Commons

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“Fuck!” Katsuki erupted and slammed a hand down on his desk. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

He glared at the computer screen, his anger and annoyance melding together into one ugly lump of emotion. How the fuck had he ended up banned from this stupid kids game?! He’d invested too much time and money into this account to have to start all over again with a new one! Again!

Katsuki scowled at the failed login and quickly grabbed his phone. He needed to let the group know that they couldn’t farm Darkmoor today. Fuck. He almost had the complete gear set too.

Fuck Me Daddy

wtf are you doing in my swamp:
I fucking got perma banned again, wtaf

bold & brash, more like belongs in the trash:
What happened this time babe?

wtf are you doing in my swamp:
fuck if i know. some little shits prolly snitched my ass for “swearing” or some shit. not like you can fucking swear on this piece of shit game anyway D:<

Long Tall & Handsome:
This is the 3rd time Katsuki.

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
we were supposed to farm darkmoor bruh

bold & brash, more like belongs in the trash:
fuck :( you gonna make another account kacchan?

wtf are you doing in my swamp:
I’m gonna fucking have to. just hold up, lemme cancel my fucking membership and get my shit done and over with. fucking unbelievable.

Long Tall & Handsome:
Pick a better name than Tarlac. who wants to willingly be known as Tarlac?

wtf are you doing in my swamp:
Fuck you half n half. Tarlac is a rad ass name, tf

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
Tarlac does sound pretty manly compared to the other choices

bold & brash, more like belongs in the trash:
...eeeeehhhhhh :/

wtf are you doing in my swamp:
Eijiro, you named yourself Belgrim, fucking Belgrim. and Deku, you’ve got no right to complain. who tf names themselves Digby?

bold & brash, more like belongs in the trash:
But kacchan, you guys dared me to ;3;

Long Tall & Handsome:
Just meet us in front of the library, realm stormzilla

wtf are you doing in my swamp:


Katsuki huffed and set his phone back down. Who the hell did they think they were? Tarlac was a fucking great ass name!

His anger had simmered down some after the brief conversation in group chat. Which was all well and good; he didn’t feel like destroying his computer anymore so he’d count that one as a win. Katsuki cracked his fingers and quickly pulled up Chrome and made his way back to the Wizard101 website, ready to make another account for the third time. He should really learn to stop swearing in the commons if he wanted to avoid getting reported. Though it wasn’t his fault everyone was a damn scrub and couldn’t handle reading words.

Katsuki quickly went through the motions of character creation. His characters never changed, the only thing changing was their school as he maxed out wizard after wizard. He wasn’t all too fond of the weaker schools: balance, death, ice and life, but they certainly had their favorable points. They were a bitch to play through, but he appreciated when others came in for support. He just wasn’t the support type.

Fire was more his speed. Strong and versatile, just like him. It had been the school of his very first wizard, and to say that it was his favorite school would be an understatement. After all, who the hell got to summon a damn dragon to do their bidding? Nevermind that that spell was annoyingly overtime. It made him feel pretty damn cool.

He groaned as he was forced to play through the tutorial and smashed the space bar, eager to just get to the game and skip all of the dialogue bullshit. He already knew how to play, fuck.

About ten minutes later and he was finally able to walk around the commons. Not that he could go anywhere else though, the shitty tutorial still wasn’t over. He needed to hurry the hell up and unlock more of Wizard City before he could meet up with everyone else. He’d feel like a loser if he had to port to the bazaar or some shit.

Unlocking everything took another fifteen minutes, and by then, he was just about over being a noob again. How the hell had he tolerated this shit before? He was weak as all fuck. It was a good thing he had a group to help him level up quick. If they spent their time on here right, he could probably be farming Darkmoor (like they were supposed to be doing already) this time next week. Or maybe in two weeks. He didn’t really want to spend that much time on this shitty game.

He sighed to himself in relief when he finally walked up to the library and promptly switched to the correct realm. He was ready to level the fuck up and get shit done.

“baby!” Digby, or rather Izuku, was the first to speak up, his text box appropriately shading itself a light green.

Katsuki smirked and smashed the space bar in rapid succession, causing his character to jump up and down repeatedly. “hey babe, miss me?”

“I always miss you Kacchan.”

“ga ay.” Honestly, the fact that Wizards even bothered censoring such a harmless word still irked Katsuki to his very soul. He hated having to type around normal ass words, it was annoying as fuck and wasted too much time; however he could understand the swear words, it was a game geared more towards kids after all, but to censor gay of all words? Really? Thank God for open chat though. If he had had the ordinary text chat shit, he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to type half the things he did.

A character to his character’s left, Belgrim StrongFist, walked up next to him and waved. “welcome back Tarlac ThunderFlame lol.”

“took you long enough.” Out of the four of them, leave it up to Shoto to have one of the most normal and boring names in the game. How the hell was he gonna give him shit for his name when he named himself Scot IceFlame? Sure it fit him, but Scot? Foreal?

“aye, fo ok you Scot.”

Digby walked up to Tarlac and jumped right next to him. Katsuki could just feel that there was a grin on his boyfriend’s face right now. “Tarlac, you shouldn’t say such things in the commons. isn’t that how you got,” Digby typed, maxing out his speech bubble. “banned again?” He finished with the second bubble.

Katsuki scowled. Looking back on it now, he should have known swearing in the commons was a shitty idea. Too many trigger happy pansies liked to hang around there. How they got off on repeatedly reporting someone for a damn word was beyond him, but he’d be damned sure to not let that shit happen again. Not because he didn’t wanna get banned again (totally wasn’t the reason), but because he didn’t want to give those fuckers the satisfaction.

“you right, you right.”

“aye bro, you need a new mount?” Belgrim asked, the menu icon popping up above his head. Shit, was he really going to gift him one? Right the fuck on!

Tarlac jumped in acknowledgement. “heck yeah I need a new mount. my dude is slow as all hel.”

“k. what you want?”

“can i get that crocodile thing?”

“yeah, no prob bro.”

Katsuki smashed the spacebar eagerly and quickly clicked the gift icon when it popped up a moment later. Crocogator was his favorite mount. He liked the way it looked ridiculous and badass at the same time, kinda like Deku. “thanks.”

Belgrim jumped and then it was Scot’s turn to speak up again. “let’s just get you leveled up Tarlac. I think we can get you to krok before we call it a night, side streets and all.”

Katsuki nodded. Nevermind that nobody could actually see him. “alright, let’s go then.”

With his newly equipped crocogator mount, he quickly waddled towards the entrance of Unicorn Way, the ultra noob street, to begin his journey to max level for probably the one hundredth time in a row. At least they’d be done with Wizard City in a matter of hours. That could take up to two days (assuming he’d even bother with the side quests, which he did because if nothing he was a completionist) if he decided to solo and didn’t budget his time properly. If anything, he’d probably just log into Deku’s account and use his wizard to help himself when nobody else was on.

It was annoying having to balance two tabs at the same time, but hey, whatever works and gets him through with all the noob shit faster.

Too bad Deku can’t do that with his wizard anymore.

Katsuki frowned at his computer screen as he watched Deku decimate the ghost goons with a sandstorm. The crew had joined what couldn’t even be considered a fight to help fill his quota--which he was more than happy about--but at the level they all were, it was like he wasn’t even needed. He was beginning to get bored as fuck and they barely even started.

“fo ok, i forgot how sh itty it was to be a godda m noob again” Fire may have been a pretty strong school, second to storm Katsuki would argue, but its accuracy was a complete dumpster fire. If the health wasn’t so shit for storm then he would have just played storm instead. Its accuracy was still bad, but it was still better than fire’s.

They all moved out of the street and onto the sidewalk once the kill animation completed. “maybe try not to get perma banned again this time then. you’ll only have to be a noob if yo” Scot sent the first speech bubble, “decide to make a storm after u lvl this wiz.”

“myth could be cool too kacchan. i don’t think any of us have made a myth wiz yet.”

“spirit schools are sh itt tho :/” At least that’s what Katsuki thought anyway. Not like he’d ever bother to play as one of them before, but he knew they were shit from the way Deku complained about them sometimes.

Life was the only acceptable school as far as Katsuki knew. Yeah there was a lack of good attacks but they were almost a necessity when playing. It had been Deku’s first school on his first playthrough of the game. He had also played through as death for his second wizard, which actually wasn’t too bad (according to Deku) if you could look past the weaker attacks (totally looking at you you shitty ass Scarecrow). But other than that, it was pretty well rounded for support. But nobody had played through as myth yet. As far as Katsuki knew, it was pretty well rounded, but he could never get the appeal to it. The colors looked pretty gross too if he were being completely honest.

Maybe he’d give it a go some other time.

Digby did the bee dance as he typed. “that’s mean Tarlac, you know i mainly play spirit.” He started the dance again, his speaking speech animation making him stop.

“that’s only cause you’re obsessed with support schools”

“you guys wouldn’t last without my help ;3;” Well, he had a point.

Tarlac jumped and Katsuki snickered at the jumping animation of his crocogator mount. It looked funny. “true. but you kept complaining about the attacks so i might pass.”

“I think myth is the only heavy hitter for spirit. pretty well rounded too.” Belgrim piped, his character running in circles, not caring if he got pulled into a fight. He’d just one shot them with a wand attack, no big deal.

Scot was the only one standing still. “You should try it out sometime tarlac. It would be a nice change of pace for you”

“you implyin’ something thermof ok?”

“only that you ever play the same schools all the time”

“well,” Digby sends, “he’s not wrong.”

Tarlac turned around to give Digby his back. “guess no head for you later then.”

Katsuki snickered with a grin as he watched Digby run around Tarlac and jump in real close, their characters practically melding together. He was jumping pretty furiously. “no! I’m sorry baby, i didn’t mean it D:”

“woah there friends, you might need to slow down”

“can you guys at least port to your house before getting busy?” If there was ever an emoticon that could wave hands, Digby probably would have been spamming the hell out of it by now.

However, Digby didn’t stop jumping, leaving Katsuki with the impression that maybe there was something being offered here. Katsuki quickly left clicked on his name in the chat window to whisper to him. “u want sum fo ok”

He was quick to whisper back. “b itt ches love sticks”

“Ben is a h o”

“good thing i’m not fo oking ben then. i’ll be over in ten.”

“right you are scot.” Digby finally stopped jumping and ran up to Scot. “and that’s exactly what i’m doing, so brb afk.”

“Digby don’t forget to take your laptop with you!” Belgrim quickly typed before Digby disappeared, his character just fading away.

Scot turned to Tarlac. “great, now it’s going to take longer to finish wiz city.”

Tarlac jumped. “thanks for scoring me sum fo ok Scot. i’ll make sure to double tab it while we’re busy”

He could feel the eyeroll from where he sat in his room. “i’ve only got a couple hours left before i gotta head to work, so save some for AFTER we finish” Oh yeah, that’s right. Sometimes Katsuki forgot that they all didn’t live nearby, or even in the same time zone.

Shoto lived on the east coast while Eijiro, Izuku and Katsuki were on the west coast. Well, at least Eijiro was on the same time zone and lived relatively close by in Arizona. Izuku and Katsuki were the only ones of the group who actually knew each other in real life, Izuku being the reason that Katsuki was even playing this game in the first place.

“well, at least one of us is a responsible adult.”

“Belgrim, dude works at macy’s.”

“could be worse though. I could be like you and work at a sh itty gas station” Ouch.

Katsuki glowered at his computer monitor. He honestly had no idea if he should be angry at himself, the situation or Shoto. Because he technically wasn’t wrong--working at the gas station was fucking hell. If he had to go through one more attempted robbery, he was fucking out, a paying job be damned. Maybe Deku could get him a job at Costco with him. “i honestly have no idea who i should be mad at right now because you’re fo oking right”

“lol come on guys, lets keep going so we can get to krok”

“yeah, ‘cause this is the only job you have. let’s go.”

“ouch, that hurts bro. I’m just looking for something that works for me is all”

“Belgrim, you must know playing this game 24/7 won’t pay the bills, right?” Katsuki didn’t know it was possible for the stupid wizard characters to give a look of concern, but he’d be damned if Scot wasn’t doing exactly that. What the fuck?

“x sigh x” Belgrim typed out. “i’d tell you guys how i get my money, but i don’t wanna be perma banned”

Katsuki chuckled to himself. He already knew how and had some of his friends merchandise tucked away in a drawer somewhere. Dude probably makes bank. “nah, it’s gee, was just teasin’ and all.”

Tarlac jumped, turned around, and waddled briskly towards Private Connolly at the front of the street to turn in his quest and get the next one. The xp, or experience points, was enough for him to level up, and he jumped in celebration. Finally, ya boy was up to level three.

He ported back to his friends and continued his brisk pace to get the noob street over with.

Katsuki checked the time when they were finally wrapping up the street, his mind wandering back to Deku. What was taking the little shit so long? He said he’d be here in ten minutes, it’s been nearly twenty.

However, he didn’t have time to let his anxiety and concern grow any larger than it already was because the doorbell chimed through his apartment, signalling that he had a guest. Katsuki quickly typed out ‘afk’ (away from keyboard) before shooting out of his seat and hurrying towards the door.

He grinned when he opened the door, his boyfriend standing on the other side with his own lopsided grin in place. His chest was heaving and his breaths were coming out loudly, like he’d just run a marathon or something. Bitch probably ran all the way from his house to Katsuki’s. Wouldn’t be a first. “Did you run all the way here Deku?” Katsuki raised an eyebrow and moved out of the way to let Deku inside.

“I ran to the donut store before running here.” He produced a small bag from behind his back and pecked Katsuki on the lips. “To apologize for my perceived betrayal.”

“It’s gonna take more than just a donut for me to forgive you, shitty Deku.” Katsuki teased. He knew where this was going to lead; he anticipated where this was going to lead.

Deku wet his lips and looked his boyfriend up and down, his green eyes hungrily eating him up. “I can think of more ways to gain your forgiveness Kacchan.”

“Fuck yeah.”

Fuck Me Daddy


wtf are you doing in my swamp:
log onto my account and quest my ass, i’m about to time the fuck out

Long Tall & Handsome:
of course you are.

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
might be a little tmi

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
did Izuku bring his laptop with him?

wtf are you doing in my swamp:

Long Tall & Handsome:
oh… i didn’t know it was possible for someone to bend like that

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
I bet he does yoga.

wtf are you doing in my swamp:
stfu, i’m busy. we’ll be back in a little bit

Long Tall & Handsome:
They butt called me a few weeks ago and i honestly feel really bad for their neighbors. I also know why izuku named the group chat what he did. There are just some things you don’t need to know about your friends Eijiro.

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
I accidentally walked in on them one time when i was visiting last summer. I think it made me kinda gay

Long Tall & Handsome:
Eijiro, if that turned you on you were probably kinda gay to begin with

Eijirou "The Rock" Kirishima:
Well damn. How tf am i supposed to be mixed a n d gay in arizona lol

Long Tall & Handsome:
I’m guessing you just don’t. Sorry.


“Did you have to send them that picture?” Izuku mumbled, thoroughly exhausted. He’d come over to give and receive, and receive he did--just not in the way he was expecting. He was glad Ochako had talked him into doing yoga, it had greatly improved his well being in more ways than one. The sex was an added perk.

Katsuki grunted and rolled over onto his back. “Afraid I accidentally sent a dick pic? It’s all about the angles, they’re not gonna see anything.”

Izuku groaned and rolled over onto Katsuki and gave him a lazy kiss. “You just wanted a picture of us to jack off to in the morning, didn’t you?”

“What of it? I know you save my dick pics Deku, don’t fucking try to hide it.” A fierce blush erupted on Izuku’s face, the red contrasting nicely against his green hair.

He sputtered for a moment before giving up his attempt at refuting what they both knew to be true and instead pouted at his boyfriend. He pushed on his chest so that he was now sitting up and properly straddling Katsuki. Lord have mercy on his soul for what he was about to say next. “So what, you wanna make a sex tape then?”

Katsuki’s dick twitched at the suggestion. It wasn’t missed by Izuku based on the way he began to move against him either. “Not now, we gotta get to fucking Krok before half ‘n half has to get to work. When he logs out then hell fucking yeah.”

Izuku sighed, ceasing his movements and rolling off of Katsuki. “Alright. Guess we can do that in the morning then. I’m probably gonna knock out by time we get to Krok.”

Katsuki yawned. “Yeah, same honestly.”

“So, morning tape?”

Katsuki nodded. “Morning tape.”

Izuku smiled and scooched over to the edge of the bed to grab his and Katsuki’s laptops. The one good thing about meeting with everyone online was that they didn’t have to get dressed to meet with their friends. They could just lie there naked with each other in their soiled sheets like the nasty people they were--it was fantastic.

They both booted the game up on their computers, Izuku yawning as he pushed himself up so that he was sitting up against the headboard. Katsuki was too lazy to go to that extreme, instead deciding to just lie the computer right on top of his chest and give into the dinosaur arms.

Izuku snorted but didn’t say anything. It was cute.

Katsuki scowled at his screen. “Where the fuck did those idiots go?”

Izuku quickly clicked on Digby on the character selection screen and hit play. When he loaded back into the game he immediately clicked the friends list and, sure enough, both Scot and Belgrim were no longer online. “Wow.” Izuku deadpanned. “Maybe Eijiro fell asleep and Shoto had to go to work early?”

Katsuki sighed. Didn’t sound too unusual. Whatever, he didn’t wanna get to Krokotopia today anyway. “Wanna fuck around in the commons?”

Izuku shrugged. “Sure, why not. Lemme just go on my noob. I usually end up getting muted when I’m in the commons with you.” Katsuki lightly smacked at Izuku’s arm.

“Not my fault everyone playing this game is a stupid fuck.”

“That including yourself?”

Katsuki turned his head to look up at Izuku and his stupid shit eating grin. Nerd thought he was so funny, huh? Well, let’s see who's laughing now. Katsuki hurriedly clicked on Izuku’s character before he could switch and clicked the report button. Izuku gasped a second later, his hands slapping over his mouth.

Katsuki looked over at his computer out of curiosity before snorting a laugh. Holy fuck, he just got him temporarily banned. “Kacchan!”

Katsuki laughed before logging out and slamming his computer shut. “Rule number one bitch: no swearing in the commons.”