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The Ballad of Miss Edith

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“Drink your tea, Miss. Edith!”

Dru scolds but her voice is playful and sweet because she doesn’t want to hurt Miss Edith’s feelings, after-all. She’s her best friend in the whole world and her counsel means more than she can say and she wants to keep her forever and ever so she strokes her hair and tells her she’s the sunshine she’ll never get to see again.

But that doesn’t change the fact that she must drink her tea because otherwise it’ll get cold and then the biscuits won’t taste as good and with a tip of her head and a point of her finger, she tells her this.

“Miss Edith! You mustn’t say such things. That’s so naughty and Daddy will be cross!”

Miss Edith says that Angelus is obsessed with the Slayer - that there’s a burning under his skin and his heart is sick with her - and it makes Dru want to poke pins in Miss Edith’s eyes.

I’m Daddy’s princess,” She sniffs. “He loves me and I love him and my lovely Spike loves him and we’re a family. The bad Slayer is just a silly toy. She has hair like sunshine and her skin is so very much like snow... but Daddy likes dark things, so she won’t do.”

“I know Grandmummy had yellow hair,” She rolls her eyes at Miss Edith’s reply and clenches and unclenches her fists. Her sharp nails cut into her palms, carving moon-shaped crescents into her skin and her hands drip crimson onto the lovely tablecloth she’d chosen for their tea party. “Now look, you’re ruining our happy day and I’m so angry at you, Miss Edith, I could very well cry and you’re still not drinking your tea.”

“Grandmummy wasn’t special like I am,” She continues to defend herself against Miss Edith’s mean criticisms, “Daddy liked her spirit and the way she’d hurt him and make it feel good in all the wrong places and all the filthy words she’d whisper in his ears. Psst, not me, though. Daddy would never say those things to me. No bites or slaps or slut, whore, bitch, cunt… only darling, love, precious, princess… only nice things for Dru.”

“It does mean something!” Miss Edith is really trying her patience now and she’s very close to taking some scissors and cutting up all her lovely dresses, “Daddy never showed kindness to anyone but me. So deliciously cruel and evil and never, ever kind. Not until he was the Angel beast.”

Miss Edith says that maybe things were better that way and Dru slaps her so hard, her tiny body knocks over the tea she’s hardly touched and she flies into the wall with a crunch.

“The Angel beast forgot about his Princess. He left me alone. Well… not alone because I always have my dark prince, my Willy, and I love him. More than all the stars in the night sky and the grains of dirt and sand on the Earth. But now Daddy’s back and I have both my boys and we’ll play together forever.”

She picks Miss Edith up and dusts her off and puts her back in her chair. She doesn’t say sorry because Miss Edith started it and she pushes the plate of biscuits towards her and hopes that’ll finally make her want to drink her tea.

She’s always had a sweet tooth, Miss Edith, so Dru thinks the bribe will probably work.

“No need to play such a sad tune, Miss Edith!” She smiles at her friend’s concern that Angelus’s head is still full of the Slayer, “Daddy’s just playing, too. He’ll have his fill of the slayer. Ooh, quite literally too. I see it now. She’ll cry and protest but no-one’s as strong as Daddy. He’ll hold her down and then he’ll be inside her and she’ll weep and weep but she’ll come and come, too, because no-one’s as irresistible as Daddy either.”

“Miss Edith!” She squeals, covering her mouth, “That’s so naughty, asking questions like that! But you’re my best friend and we’re two lovely girls at a slumber party so I will tell you the answer is yes… Daddy has a beautiful cock and he uses it so well and makes you feel so good on the inside… but that’s because your insides have always had his name on them and they’ve always belonged to him.”

“What about Spike?” Dru blinks blankly, “My lovely prince will learn to share. I share with you, don’t I? I share my secrets and my heart and my lovely tea that you don’t drink.” She frowns at that, her crimson lips forming a pout as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“I’ll tell you a secret now, Miss Edith…” She doesn’t wait for Miss Edith’s reply before she’s whispering and leaning over the table conspiratorially, “Sometimes I like it when Daddy hurts me. My lovely Spike never, ever will and that’s wonderful but… sometimes I burst into flames when Daddy spanks me and makes me suck him and holds me down when he’s buried inside… that other place…”

“No, the Slayer can’t know,” Dru shakes her head maniacally at Miss Edith’s suggestion that his body, his desire, his obsession... it all belongs to Buffy now, “The bad slayer doesn’t know him. She doesn’t know what makes him ache and plant a fire in his veins or what he wants and desires and craves and all the bad things he spent years practising on me. She doesn’t know the demons in his head, the burning baby fish swimming all around!”

I’m his masterpiece,” She says proudly. “He told me so. His lovely, dark princess. She can’t taste him. He tastes bitter like blood to her. But to me, he sings the sweetest tune.”

“Let him then!” She growls, so very close to tearing Miss Edith’s lovely, dark hair from the roots because she’s so impetuous and desperate to upset her, “Let him fuck the slayer, let him have his revenge on her. Naughty girl made him feel like a nasty human. You know what, Miss Edith? If Daddy’s head is so full of her, if his heart is sick with her, maybe he’ll make me a sister! Then we can all play together. I don’t mind. But things will be like they were before. You’ll see. Me, Spike, Daddy and Grandmummy. We’ll be together because the moon said so.”

She sings a jaunty lullaby as she pours the tea – only for her because bad Miss Edith still hasn’t touched a drop and the biscuits will taste so dry now – and she’s such a nice princess that when those naughty lawyers bring Darla back and the slayer is buried in dust and Daddy loses his soul and the Whirlwind comes around again, she doesn’t even say I told you so.