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Harm Gets Her Way

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“Spike is god’s gift to women.”

A silence much like one would expect after the explosion of a bomb or the sudden evisceration of a baby filled Angel’s office. Everyone stared at Harmony, who had burst in, rather agitated, and stated this.

She crossed and uncrossed her arms, rolling her eyes. “I know. It sounds so lame. And it’s not like he isn’t an insensitive jerk sometimes, but I do think he was put on earth to make up for itchy nylons or shoes that pinch your feet or something. I mean he is THAT good.”

Angel opened and closed his mouth. “Thank you, Harmony, that will be all.”

“No it won’t. Because you’re not sharing! And it’s, like, blasphemy! You’re a GUY. It’s totally not fair and on behalf of the women here I am making a stand.” She raised her chin defiantly, stomping with one delicate heel.

Angel suddenly found all eyes on him. “I’m not sleeping with Spike,” he said.

Harmony tossed her head. “Sha! The nose knows.”

“I’m not. I’m really not.” Angel looked from one unconvinced face to another. “Come on, guys. You know I’m not gay.”

Lorne leaned back on the couch. “Lambchop, no man is straight enough not to find the Spikester yummy.”

Gunn raised a hand. “Uh... I am.”

Wesley glanced side to side, unsure. “I only make exception for George Clooney, myself.”

Gunn squinted at his friend. “George Clooney?”

“I felt I had to contribute something to the conversation.”

“Yeah, but, seriously, Wes… I’d have thought you’d say Brad Pitt or something.”

“I don’t know. Something with his eyes...”

“Ugh!” Harmony balled her fists on her hips. “This is serious. I am NOT leaving until you agree to hand over the goods, bossy! And don’t think you can threaten me with firing, because I have Sheila in Demon Resources on my side!”

Angel covered his eyes.

Gunn gathered up his papers. “I’m seriously needed somewhere far, far away from here.”

“Me too,” Wesley said, adjusting his tie. “Busy… artifacts to decipher, you know…”

The two men bustled past a smug-looking Harmony and out the door.

Angel looked at Lorne. “Aren’t you going to desert me too?”

“Never, Angelcakes!” Lorne wriggled his shoulders, getting a bit more comfortable. “I want to see you deliver ‘the goods.’”


The green demon shrugged. “Harm might be evil, sweet cheeks, but I hold the strings to company gossip and CANNOT afford to miss this one.”

“Come on, bossy. Fair’s fair. You want to do your job without me or any of the secretarial pool?” She smiled as he blanched at the thought of actually learning all the buttons on his phone. “That’s right. You have the key in your top-right desk drawer.”

Angel scowled. “Top LEFT drawer,” he said, petulantly getting out the keys to the manacles.