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Double Trouble

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Taetae

heyyyyyy

Uncle Hobi

hey

how’s my favorite nephew???

Taetae

I’m ur only nephew

Uncle Hobi

ok

hey

how’s my only nephew???

how’s your first day at camp?

you’d better make me proud

mesmerize all the other campers with your dazzling personality

become the talk of the whole camp

Taetae

uh actually

I’m already the talk of the whole camp

not in the way you’re thinking of, tho

Uncle Hobi

you don’t even know what I’m thinking of

Taetae

I don’t, but I bet it isn’t this

I’m the talk of the whole camp because there’s this other camper, a new guy

Uncle Hobi

what did he do????

Taetae

nothing

but he has my face

HE HAS MY FACE

WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME FACE

Uncle Hobi

WTF

Taetae

RIGHT??????

like, he has red hair and I don’t

BUT HIS FACE

IS MY FACE

see why we’re the talk of the camp now lol

Uncle Hobi

omg how is that even possible

Taetae

maybe he’s my evil doppelganger

he’s gonna kill me in my sleep

what do I do???

I’m still so young

never been to the grand canyon

I can’t die yet

Uncle Hobi

ok you can’t give up so easily

you gotta show that evil doppelganger who’s boss

you gotta go out there, challenge him to something you’re good at

beat him fair and square

and he’ll know not to mess with you

Taetae

ok I will!!!

I’ll challenge him to a burger eating contest

even if I lose, at least I’ll get to eat burgers

Uncle Hobi

that’s my boy! that’s the attitude!

Taetae

thank u uncle hobi

btw how’s dad doing?

Uncle Hobi

Namjoon? he’s at his office

working his ass off like he always does

Taetae

he needs to get some rest :/ it’s Sunday

Uncle Hobi

yeah I know… but you know the kind of person he is

but don’t worry, ok? you enjoy your camp

uncle hobi is on it

I’ll take care of him

when did I ever not take care of him

Taetae

thank u, ur the best uncle ever :((((

what will we even do without you

Uncle Hobi

lol actually I should be the one thanking you guys

for letting me stay for free

saves me so much rent

Taetae

both u and I know that u can afford ur own place

ur just staying with us because u know neither dad or I can cook

but it’s ok to stop being selfless sometimes, u know?

like, if u meet a cool lady at a bar it’s totally ok to go talk to her instead of thinking

“oh no it’s eight pm gotta go home and cook or namjoon and taetae will eat each other”

Uncle Hobi

lmao how did we even end up on this topic

I’m fine with my current life you dumbass

I’m not even into ladies

anyway

go on, enjoy your camp

send me updates on your evil doppelganger

Taetae

I will

…wait, what if…

all this time

I’M the evil doppelganger, I just didn’t know?

Uncle Hobi

a philosopher like your dad, I see

genes don’t lie

Taetae

dude I was adopted

Uncle Hobi

yeah but still

anyway, update me on your doppelganger situation

and have fun

Taetae

I will!

pet tannie a lot for me

love u <3

Uncle Hobi

<3 <3 <3

 

**

 

Hoseokie-hyung

Joon

I know you’re busy and I’m sorry to bother but

do you by any chance know what Jungkook usually does in the summer

Namjoonie

Jungkook?

Why bring him up right now?

Of course I have no idea what he does during summers

Haven’t been in touch with Seokjin for, like, two years

Except for that time he sent me a link to a porno by accident

Hoseokie-hyung

dude I know it’s been awkward between you and Jin-hyung after your divorce

but it’s been like how many years?

Taetae is in high school already

and Jungkook should be too

don’t you ever wonder what he’s up to?

Namjoonie

I trust Seokjin to take good care of him. He’s always been a better dad than I am

Taehyung got the short end of the stick, being stuck with me

I bet if he weren’t like 3 years old and couldn’t choose for himself he’d have gone with Seokjin too

Hoseokie-hyung

asfshajfkdfga what the fuck, Namjoon

how are you not a good dad???

literally how???

look how well Taetae grew up

everyone loves him, even the Roomba never stops following him around

Namjoonie

That’s because you basically raised him on your back

It was all you, not me

Hoseokie-hyung

wtf how could you say that

ok I may have taught Taetae to curse, to clean the shower drain and to castrate cows

but you taught him to read and to appreciate nature and to love

you’re the best dad ok even if you think you’re too busy making ends meet to be one

I bet rich Jin-hyung and his vineyards have nothing on you

anyway I’m just gonna continue talking since I bet you’re crying and can’t reply to me

so if you don’t know what Jungkook does when it’s summer

Jin-hyung doesn’t know what Taetae does during summers either, right?

Namjoonie

Yeah of course he doesn’t

And I’m not crying, just accidentally poked my eye with a finger

Hoseokie-hyung

yeah, right, I totally believe you

guess it makes sense that Jin-hyung won’t know, tho

like, it’d be so embarrassing for you if Jin-hyung knew you always send your son to that camp where you and hyung first met 20 years ago because you’re sentimental like that lol

Namjoonie

Omg you’d better not tell him

Hoseokie-hyung

I won’t tell him lol I don’t even have his number

Namjoonie

Why are you bringing up this whole topic anyway?

Hoseokie-hyung

no reason lol it just occurred to me

Namjoonie

And more importantly, how did you even teach Taehyung to castrate cows? We don’t have cows?

Hoseokie-hyung

the neighbors next door have 7, goodness Namjoon you need to stop working and look around sometimes

Namjoonie

Wow that’s why I keep hearing moos in the middle of the night? I always thought it was my imagination?

Hoseokie-hyung

ugh I’m staging an intervention

get dressed properly in an hour

I’m gonna pick you up take you out to that underground rap thing I told you about

I won’t take no for an answer

Namjoonie

But I’ve still got this huge-ass powerpoint to work on

Hoseokie-hyung

who cares about powerpoints I bet you’re 2 days ahead of schedule anyways

Namjoon

Actually it’s 3

Hoseokie-hyung

SEE???

no more questions

I’m gonna be a proper big brother today and steal you out of that stupid office of yours and show you a good time

 

**

 

Dad

Kookoo

How’s your first day at camp going?

Kookie

uh

not too bad i guess

Dad

Made any new friends?

Kookie

um

kind of

i guess?

Dad

That’s great! Tell me all about him!!!

Kookie

uh there’s this guy, we’re rooming in the same cabin today

Dad

Only for today?

Kookie

uh yeah, um we kinda… got in trouble

but don’t get mad ok??? its all rly innocent

like, he challenged me to a burger eating contest

but we didn’t have that many burgers

so i said hotdog eating contest

so we had a hotdog eating contest

Dad

You’d better tell me you won

Kookie

it was a tie

bc we ate all the hotdogs the camp has to offer

and now the camp has: 0 hotdogs

and the camp counselor got mad bc he really liked hotdogs??

especially the chili cheese kind

so he made us stay in a special secluded cabin that’s like all dirty and stuff

so that we’ll reflect upon our wrongdoings

and there’s no dinner for us today

not that we’ll need it tho since we’re both bursting at the seams

Dad

LOL

MY KOOKIE GOT DETENTION

Kookie

kind of, yeah

Dad

I AM SO PROUD

SEE THOSE TEARS IN MY EYES

Kookie

why are u proud omg shouldn’t u be mad

Dad

My Kookie’s first time… in detention… in fifteen years

I’m so glad

I spent so many years wondering what went wrong

Why is my child such an angel??? I asked myself

He needs to learn to break rules! slash the teacher’s tires! set fires to scooters!

BUT FINALLY YOU GOT DETENTION

I LOVE YOU SON

I AM PROUD

Kookie

uh ok i guess?

Dad

Anyway, tell me all about your new friend!

Kookie

haha i guess we’re just rooming together today tho

so tmr we’ll be sent back to our respective cabins and wont talk again

he seems to have a lot of friends already so he prob wont want to hang out with me anymore…

Dad

Ugh Jungkook

You can’t always have that kind of attitude

I know you’re a shy baby

And trust me, dad was once a shy little fawn too

But look at me now, sending flying kisses at your teachers and embarrassing you at PTA meetings

If I can do it so can you

Believe in yourself

I bet you’re sitting on that dirty floor in your new cabin writing in your diary or some shit

But you gotta stop that, get up this instant

And talk to your new detention mate

No excuses

Kookie

ok dad

Dad

Dad just wants the best for you ok

Love you

~hugs and flying kisses~

Kookie

love u too

~hugs and flying kisses~

 

**

 

Taetae

um

Uncle Hobi

hey what’s going on?

what’s my favorite nephew up to?

good news btw, I forced your dad to come to a rap event thing with me

actually we’re in the middle of the event right now

so call you back later?

Taetae

why did u never told me

i had a twin

Uncle Hobi

oh shit

omg tae the lighting here is super bad and its fucking loud so let me get out of here and we can talk

wait for me

wait

just a couple seconds

taetae???

why aren’t you picking up????

please pick up the phone

please

shit

 

**

 

( × ) KOOKIE’S ONLINE DIARY ( × )

Date: Jul 8 th

Weather: good enough

 

ok this is weird af but i need to write my thoughts down to sort them out ok!! i haven’t even told dad about this bc im afraid he’ll be sad or sth so im just gonna write it down here / (⁎˃ᆺ˂)\

so, im at camp

i hated it, no lie, so many strangers and a lot of them are regulars who already know each other and i already have trouble making friends as it is? but then some ppl started waving to me and calling me taehyung? wtf im not taehyung i don’t know any taehyungs so i told them im not taehyung but they just laughed and thought i was joking, it was so weird / (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)\

until i saw the real taehyung and my head goes “fuck, we’re identical” / (,,๏ ⋏ ๏,,)\

ok he has chestnut hair and dad had mine dyed red but minus the hair we’re still identical??? do u have any idea how weird that feels??? ok u probably don’t… / (´・×・`)\

anyway long story short taehyung and i got into trouble and we got sent to a shitty secluded cabin and he seemed pretty nice and smiled at me a lot and we were both just lounging in bed (ok he’s lounging in bed but im on the ground because the power outlet is on the ground and i gotta keep my phone charged at all times) and then i had this sudden surge of courage and i decided to talk to him!! (ok who am i kidding my dad put me up to it lol) /(=✪ x ✪=)\

and then we started talking and we discovered, like, we were both adopted and the only child in the family, and we both have single dads, like what a cool coincidence is that?? and we were joking like maybe we should set our dads up and make them get together, but we knew it wouldn’t work out bc we live so far from each other lol. besides, i cant just introduce my dad to any random guy i come across, right?? kim seokjin is amazing and beautiful and precious and deserves only the best!!!! U( ÒㅅÓ)U

so that’s what i said to tae and he was like “nooooo MY dad is better” (AS IF) and then just to prove to me how hot his dad is he takes out this picture on his phone…

and i recognize him

i recognize him AS THE MAN IN THE PHOTO ON MY DAD’S DESKTOP BACKGROUND (乂☉ェ☉=)

like ok i knew my dad used to have a lover and they adopted me together and then they split and we never heard from the other dad as far as im concerned (but dad still kinda loves him lol he’d sometimes stare at his wallpaper with that faraway look in his eyes)…

but they never told me that i wasn’t the only one they adopted???

I HAVE A BROTHER!

I HAVE A TWIN!!!!!!!!

HE’S RIGHT HERE IN THE FCKING ROOM!!!

AND THEY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HIM!!!!!! ଽ ฅ૮( ꒪〰꒪)აฅ

like ok im sitting here, shell-shocked and just typing away bc i have no idea how to process this information

i showed tae a photo of my dad too and he said yeah, he’s seen him on his dad’s phone too, except… wait, isn’t his dad my dad?

his dad = my dad

my dad = his dad

his dad + my dad = his dad + his dad = my dad + my dad = 2(his dad) = 2(my dad)

omg i cant do math im so sorry

and i think tae is crying in his bed…

its so weird to see him cry bc he looks just like me? so its like seeing myself crying?? i don’t want to see myself crying wtf

i’ll go cuddle with him i guess

it’s 100% bc i just don’t like the idea of watching myself cry and also bc its kinda cold, not bc now that i have a new brother im gonna protect the shit out of him ok

all right fine maybe it kind of is

 

**

 

Taetae

uncle hobi?

sorry for the radio silence

are u still up?

Uncle Hobi

TAE WTF IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING

AND YES OF COURSE IM STILL UP WTF HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO SLEEP W/OUT A REPLY FROM U

and also namjoon hasn’t come home yet and I’m up waiting for him

but that’s beyond the point

are you ok????

pls tell me you’re ok

I can explain!!!

pls don’t hate your dad

he has his reasons, I promise, please

Taetae

wtf dad hasn’t come home yet????

Uncle Hobi

yeah, we were at the underground rapper thing together but I got your text and rushed outside

couldn’t get back in with the crowds so I texted him that I’ll be waiting at home

don’t worry too much, though, the event goes on till really late and the rappers there often start chatting and end up getting beer somewhere else

Namjoon is a big boy he can handle himself

Taetae

ok, i hope he’s safe ;_;

u haven’t told him about my text, i hope? ><

Uncle Hobi

well I tried to

but this isn’t a matter I can talk to him about over text and the venue was super loud so he prob didn’t hear me call and never picked up

so yeah he still doesn’t know

anyway, I can explain, ok? your dad… well, both of your dads…

(you know about the other dad now, right?)

(if not… surprise?)

Taetae

yeah i know about him, kookie told me

Uncle Hobi

good

was worried I might have leaked vital info

so both dads agreed that they want their kids (that’s you and Kook) to have a happy, uncomplicated life

and telling you guys that there’s another one of you would of course make things complicated

you would want to meet each other

but if you meet up it will involve your dads meeting up too

and they really don’t want to meet up, especially not in front of you guys

because there’s gonna be #angst and #emotions and they don’t wanna affect you

so it’s like, they decided to part civilly

each take one kid, pretend it never happened

but it doesn’t mean that your dad doesn’t love you, Taetae

I can’t vouch for the other dad since I haven’t met him for a long long time but

Namjoon loves you so much, he wants only the best for you

He’s always beating yourself up for not being a good enough dad

Taetae

what nonsense is that

he’s the greatest dad

Uncle Hobi

exactly

he just doesn’t think so

sometimes he’d be like ~emo~

“oh if only Jin had taken Taehyung!!! he’d cook for him, buy him Gucci, get him an expensive camera, fund him to go to art school!!!! he’d know what to do when he gets sick and kiss him when he puts him to bed and taehyung would get to run around in the vineyards like the free spirit he is and omg maybe Jin should’ve just taken them both instead of letting me take Taehyung!!1!one!”

Taetae

omg how could he

how could he feel like that

we might not have a lot of money but EVERYONE at school envies me for having such a great dad????

don’t get me started on why my dad is the literal best???

actually that was how kookie and I discovered we’re twins lol we were arguing about whose dad is better and that led to us comparing dad pics

i’ll hug him a lot when i get home

but um, actually, now that we’re on the subject of home

i have a… question

Uncle Hobi

lol this Kookie sounds like a feisty soul already

and sure, fire away

Taetae

hypothetically speaking, would you help out if…

if after this camp ends, I come home but it isn’t actually me

Uncle Hobi

oh god are you thinking what I’m thinking

Taetae

like, what if kookie comes back to our home and pretends to be me

will you help us out? help him act more like me, stuff like that

hypothetically?

Uncle Hobi

goodness

Taetae wait that’s a lot to take in

so what you’re saying is that

you two are gonna switch identities

you’re gonna go to live with Jin-hyung

Kookie’s gonna come live with us

Taetae

yeah, hypothetically

Uncle Hobi

but why?

Taetae

I told him how awesome my dad is and he wanted to meet him??

come on, just think about poor bunny kookie

knowing that someone as awesome as kim namjoon exists… but never getting to see him in person

and here’s the perfect opportunity for him to actually live with him, in the same flat

wouldn’t that be cool

don’t make kookie sad

imagine his sad face, u wouldn’t make him sad would u

Uncle Hobi

I don’t even know what Kookie looks like lol

Taetae

exactly like me, so just imagine my sad face

Uncle Hobi

ok…

hypothetically…

if that were to happen…

yeah. I’ll help

I’ve always kinda wanted to meet Jungkook too

Taetae

yeah!! I told him all about u too!!!

I bet he’s gonna love u, he likes dancing too, u know?

ur gonna have so much fun together!!!

Uncle Hobi

haha I’m sure I’ll like the kid

and I promise not to say anything to Namjoon as of now

but you guys gotta plan it well

can’t have your dads noticing right away

Taetae

they won’t! they don’t even know we met up at the camp, so they won’t be able to put two and two together

and we’ll plan it well!!

we already exchanged numbers

since we can’t hang out together all the time at the camp, or lisa and the others are gonna get suspicious lol

so most of the time we gotta conspire thru text

Uncle Hobi

oh right, you’ve got school friends with you at the camp

you’re not gonna even tell your school friends?

Taetae

I wanna, I hate keeping things from them

but I can’t

bc they might give it away

u know lisa is great friends with her mom and tells her everything and her mom is also dad’s colleague so…

no, too risky

and if i don’t tell lisa i can’t tell anyone else because lisa is my bestest friend

so i can’t tell them

Uncle Hobi

a very covert operation indeed

but uncle has faith in you

you guys can pull it off

Taetae

yay!!!!

I’m so glad we have ur blessings now

it means that u, uncle hobi, who knows my dad better than anyone else

supports the idea of dad and other dad meeting again

or else u wouldn’t have agreed to this idea

since the two of us switching places kinda involve dad and other dad meeting

because how else are we gonna switch back lol

Uncle Hobi

well yeah, I guess I always kinda secretly thought they deserve a second chance together

they were so young then

basically broke up over nothing

all those things they fought over… they were really insignificant

there were issues with some of Jin-hyung’s rich old great aunts or something but they’re prob all dead now

and I know Namjoon still misses him…

can you believe it, so many years

he never moved on

Taetae

that’s good news then because other dad never moved on either

kookie says he uses a pic of dad as wallpaper

Uncle Hobi

what?? he put faces of namjoon all over the wall??

Taetae

no wtf it’s the wallpaper for his pc not the wallpaper for his house

Uncle Hobi

thank goodness Namjoon might be my favorite person but I still wouldn’t want 1,000 Namjoon faces staring at me from the wall

 

**

 

Taehyung

I love u

ur the bestest dad in the world

Dad Joon

Huh? Why?

Why say that all of a sudden?

I love you too