how’s my favorite nephew???
I’m ur only nephew
how’s my only nephew???
how’s your first day at camp?
you’d better make me proud
mesmerize all the other campers with your dazzling personality
become the talk of the whole camp
I’m already the talk of the whole camp
not in the way you’re thinking of, tho
you don’t even know what I’m thinking of
I don’t, but I bet it isn’t this
I’m the talk of the whole camp because there’s this other camper, a new guy
what did he do????
but he has my face
HE HAS MY FACE
WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME FACE
like, he has red hair and I don’t
BUT HIS FACE
IS MY FACE
see why we’re the talk of the camp now lol
omg how is that even possible
maybe he’s my evil doppelganger
he’s gonna kill me in my sleep
what do I do???
I’m still so young
never been to the grand canyon
I can’t die yet
ok you can’t give up so easily
you gotta show that evil doppelganger who’s boss
you gotta go out there, challenge him to something you’re good at
beat him fair and square
and he’ll know not to mess with you
ok I will!!!
I’ll challenge him to a burger eating contest
even if I lose, at least I’ll get to eat burgers
that’s my boy! that’s the attitude!
thank u uncle hobi
btw how’s dad doing?
Namjoon? he’s at his office
working his ass off like he always does
he needs to get some rest :/ it’s Sunday
yeah I know… but you know the kind of person he is
but don’t worry, ok? you enjoy your camp
uncle hobi is on it
I’ll take care of him
when did I ever not take care of him
thank u, ur the best uncle ever :((((
what will we even do without you
lol actually I should be the one thanking you guys
for letting me stay for free
saves me so much rent
both u and I know that u can afford ur own place
ur just staying with us because u know neither dad or I can cook
but it’s ok to stop being selfless sometimes, u know?
like, if u meet a cool lady at a bar it’s totally ok to go talk to her instead of thinking
“oh no it’s eight pm gotta go home and cook or namjoon and taetae will eat each other”
lmao how did we even end up on this topic
I’m fine with my current life you dumbass
I’m not even into ladies
go on, enjoy your camp
send me updates on your evil doppelganger
…wait, what if…
all this time
I’M the evil doppelganger, I just didn’t know?
a philosopher like your dad, I see
genes don’t lie
dude I was adopted
yeah but still
anyway, update me on your doppelganger situation
and have fun
pet tannie a lot for me
love u <3
<3 <3 <3
I know you’re busy and I’m sorry to bother but
do you by any chance know what Jungkook usually does in the summer
Why bring him up right now?
Of course I have no idea what he does during summers
Haven’t been in touch with Seokjin for, like, two years
Except for that time he sent me a link to a porno by accident
dude I know it’s been awkward between you and Jin-hyung after your divorce
but it’s been like how many years?
Taetae is in high school already
and Jungkook should be too
don’t you ever wonder what he’s up to?
I trust Seokjin to take good care of him. He’s always been a better dad than I am
Taehyung got the short end of the stick, being stuck with me
I bet if he weren’t like 3 years old and couldn’t choose for himself he’d have gone with Seokjin too
asfshajfkdfga what the fuck, Namjoon
how are you not a good dad???
look how well Taetae grew up
everyone loves him, even the Roomba never stops following him around
That’s because you basically raised him on your back
It was all you, not me
wtf how could you say that
ok I may have taught Taetae to curse, to clean the shower drain and to castrate cows
but you taught him to read and to appreciate nature and to love
you’re the best dad ok even if you think you’re too busy making ends meet to be one
I bet rich Jin-hyung and his vineyards have nothing on you
anyway I’m just gonna continue talking since I bet you’re crying and can’t reply to me
so if you don’t know what Jungkook does when it’s summer
Jin-hyung doesn’t know what Taetae does during summers either, right?
Yeah of course he doesn’t
And I’m not crying, just accidentally poked my eye with a finger
yeah, right, I totally believe you
guess it makes sense that Jin-hyung won’t know, tho
like, it’d be so embarrassing for you if Jin-hyung knew you always send your son to that camp where you and hyung first met 20 years ago because you’re sentimental like that lol
Omg you’d better not tell him
I won’t tell him lol I don’t even have his number
Why are you bringing up this whole topic anyway?
no reason lol it just occurred to me
And more importantly, how did you even teach Taehyung to castrate cows? We don’t have cows?
the neighbors next door have 7, goodness Namjoon you need to stop working and look around sometimes
Wow that’s why I keep hearing moos in the middle of the night? I always thought it was my imagination?
ugh I’m staging an intervention
get dressed properly in an hour
I’m gonna pick you up take you out to that underground rap thing I told you about
I won’t take no for an answer
But I’ve still got this huge-ass powerpoint to work on
who cares about powerpoints I bet you’re 2 days ahead of schedule anyways
Actually it’s 3
no more questions
I’m gonna be a proper big brother today and steal you out of that stupid office of yours and show you a good time
How’s your first day at camp going?
not too bad i guess
Made any new friends?
That’s great! Tell me all about him!!!
uh there’s this guy, we’re rooming in the same cabin today
Only for today?
uh yeah, um we kinda… got in trouble
but don’t get mad ok??? its all rly innocent
like, he challenged me to a burger eating contest
but we didn’t have that many burgers
so i said hotdog eating contest
so we had a hotdog eating contest
You’d better tell me you won
it was a tie
bc we ate all the hotdogs the camp has to offer
and now the camp has: 0 hotdogs
and the camp counselor got mad bc he really liked hotdogs??
especially the chili cheese kind
so he made us stay in a special secluded cabin that’s like all dirty and stuff
so that we’ll reflect upon our wrongdoings
and there’s no dinner for us today
not that we’ll need it tho since we’re both bursting at the seams
MY KOOKIE GOT DETENTION
kind of, yeah
I AM SO PROUD
SEE THOSE TEARS IN MY EYES
why are u proud omg shouldn’t u be mad
My Kookie’s first time… in detention… in fifteen years
I’m so glad
I spent so many years wondering what went wrong
Why is my child such an angel??? I asked myself
He needs to learn to break rules! slash the teacher’s tires! set fires to scooters!
BUT FINALLY YOU GOT DETENTION
I LOVE YOU SON
I AM PROUD
uh ok i guess?
Anyway, tell me all about your new friend!
haha i guess we’re just rooming together today tho
so tmr we’ll be sent back to our respective cabins and wont talk again
he seems to have a lot of friends already so he prob wont want to hang out with me anymore…
You can’t always have that kind of attitude
I know you’re a shy baby
And trust me, dad was once a shy little fawn too
But look at me now, sending flying kisses at your teachers and embarrassing you at PTA meetings
If I can do it so can you
Believe in yourself
I bet you’re sitting on that dirty floor in your new cabin writing in your diary or some shit
But you gotta stop that, get up this instant
And talk to your new detention mate
Dad just wants the best for you ok
~hugs and flying kisses~
love u too
~hugs and flying kisses~
hey what’s going on?
what’s my favorite nephew up to?
good news btw, I forced your dad to come to a rap event thing with me
actually we’re in the middle of the event right now
so call you back later?
why did u never told me
i had a twin
omg tae the lighting here is super bad and its fucking loud so let me get out of here and we can talk
wait for me
just a couple seconds
why aren’t you picking up????
please pick up the phone
／ ( ･ × ･ ) ＼ KOOKIE’S ONLINE DIARY ／ ( ･ × ･ ) ＼
Date: Jul 8 th
Weather: good enough
ok this is weird af but i need to write my thoughts down to sort them out ok!! i haven’t even told dad about this bc im afraid he’ll be sad or sth so im just gonna write it down here / (⁎˃ᆺ˂)＼
so, im at camp
i hated it, no lie, so many strangers and a lot of them are regulars who already know each other and i already have trouble making friends as it is? but then some ppl started waving to me and calling me taehyung? wtf im not taehyung i don’t know any taehyungs so i told them im not taehyung but they just laughed and thought i was joking, it was so weird / (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)＼
until i saw the real taehyung and my head goes “fuck, we’re identical” / (,,๏ ⋏ ๏,,)＼
ok he has chestnut hair and dad had mine dyed red but minus the hair we’re still identical??? do u have any idea how weird that feels??? ok u probably don’t… / (´･×･`)＼
anyway long story short taehyung and i got into trouble and we got sent to a shitty secluded cabin and he seemed pretty nice and smiled at me a lot and we were both just lounging in bed (ok he’s lounging in bed but im on the ground because the power outlet is on the ground and i gotta keep my phone charged at all times) and then i had this sudden surge of courage and i decided to talk to him!! (ok who am i kidding my dad put me up to it lol) ／(=✪ x ✪=)＼
and then we started talking and we discovered, like, we were both adopted and the only child in the family, and we both have single dads, like what a cool coincidence is that?? and we were joking like maybe we should set our dads up and make them get together, but we knew it wouldn’t work out bc we live so far from each other lol. besides, i cant just introduce my dad to any random guy i come across, right?? kim seokjin is amazing and beautiful and precious and deserves only the best!!!! U( ÒㅅÓ)U
so that’s what i said to tae and he was like “nooooo MY dad is better” (AS IF) and then just to prove to me how hot his dad is he takes out this picture on his phone…
and i recognize him
i recognize him AS THE MAN IN THE PHOTO ON MY DAD’S DESKTOP BACKGROUND (乂☉ｪ☉=)
like ok i knew my dad used to have a lover and they adopted me together and then they split and we never heard from the other dad as far as im concerned (but dad still kinda loves him lol he’d sometimes stare at his wallpaper with that faraway look in his eyes)…
but they never told me that i wasn’t the only one they adopted???
I HAVE A BROTHER!
I HAVE A TWIN!!!!!!!!
HE’S RIGHT HERE IN THE FCKING ROOM!!!
AND THEY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HIM!!!!!! ଽ ฅ૮( ꒪〰꒪)აฅ
like ok im sitting here, shell-shocked and just typing away bc i have no idea how to process this information
i showed tae a photo of my dad too and he said yeah, he’s seen him on his dad’s phone too, except… wait, isn’t his dad my dad?
his dad = my dad
my dad = his dad
his dad + my dad = his dad + his dad = my dad + my dad = 2(his dad) = 2(my dad)
omg i cant do math im so sorry
and i think tae is crying in his bed…
its so weird to see him cry bc he looks just like me? so its like seeing myself crying?? i don’t want to see myself crying wtf
i’ll go cuddle with him i guess
it’s 100% bc i just don’t like the idea of watching myself cry and also bc its kinda cold, not bc now that i have a new brother im gonna protect the shit out of him ok
all right fine maybe it kind of is
sorry for the radio silence
are u still up?
TAE WTF IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING
AND YES OF COURSE IM STILL UP WTF HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO SLEEP W/OUT A REPLY FROM U
and also namjoon hasn’t come home yet and I’m up waiting for him
but that’s beyond the point
are you ok????
pls tell me you’re ok
I can explain!!!
pls don’t hate your dad
he has his reasons, I promise, please
wtf dad hasn’t come home yet????
yeah, we were at the underground rapper thing together but I got your text and rushed outside
couldn’t get back in with the crowds so I texted him that I’ll be waiting at home
don’t worry too much, though, the event goes on till really late and the rappers there often start chatting and end up getting beer somewhere else
Namjoon is a big boy he can handle himself
ok, i hope he’s safe ;_;
u haven’t told him about my text, i hope? ><
well I tried to
but this isn’t a matter I can talk to him about over text and the venue was super loud so he prob didn’t hear me call and never picked up
so yeah he still doesn’t know
anyway, I can explain, ok? your dad… well, both of your dads…
(you know about the other dad now, right?)
(if not… surprise?)
yeah i know about him, kookie told me
was worried I might have leaked vital info
so both dads agreed that they want their kids (that’s you and Kook) to have a happy, uncomplicated life
and telling you guys that there’s another one of you would of course make things complicated
you would want to meet each other
but if you meet up it will involve your dads meeting up too
and they really don’t want to meet up, especially not in front of you guys
because there’s gonna be #angst and #emotions and they don’t wanna affect you
so it’s like, they decided to part civilly
each take one kid, pretend it never happened
but it doesn’t mean that your dad doesn’t love you, Taetae
I can’t vouch for the other dad since I haven’t met him for a long long time but
Namjoon loves you so much, he wants only the best for you
He’s always beating yourself up for not being a good enough dad
what nonsense is that
he’s the greatest dad
he just doesn’t think so
sometimes he’d be like ~emo~
“oh if only Jin had taken Taehyung!!! he’d cook for him, buy him Gucci, get him an expensive camera, fund him to go to art school!!!! he’d know what to do when he gets sick and kiss him when he puts him to bed and taehyung would get to run around in the vineyards like the free spirit he is and omg maybe Jin should’ve just taken them both instead of letting me take Taehyung!!1!one!”
omg how could he
how could he feel like that
we might not have a lot of money but EVERYONE at school envies me for having such a great dad????
don’t get me started on why my dad is the literal best???
actually that was how kookie and I discovered we’re twins lol we were arguing about whose dad is better and that led to us comparing dad pics
i’ll hug him a lot when i get home
but um, actually, now that we’re on the subject of home
i have a… question
lol this Kookie sounds like a feisty soul already
and sure, fire away
hypothetically speaking, would you help out if…
if after this camp ends, I come home but it isn’t actually me
oh god are you thinking what I’m thinking
like, what if kookie comes back to our home and pretends to be me
will you help us out? help him act more like me, stuff like that
Taetae wait that’s a lot to take in
so what you’re saying is that
you two are gonna switch identities
you’re gonna go to live with Jin-hyung
Kookie’s gonna come live with us
I told him how awesome my dad is and he wanted to meet him??
come on, just think about poor bunny kookie
knowing that someone as awesome as kim namjoon exists… but never getting to see him in person
and here’s the perfect opportunity for him to actually live with him, in the same flat
wouldn’t that be cool
don’t make kookie sad
imagine his sad face, u wouldn’t make him sad would u
I don’t even know what Kookie looks like lol
exactly like me, so just imagine my sad face
if that were to happen…
yeah. I’ll help
I’ve always kinda wanted to meet Jungkook too
yeah!! I told him all about u too!!!
I bet he’s gonna love u, he likes dancing too, u know?
ur gonna have so much fun together!!!
haha I’m sure I’ll like the kid
and I promise not to say anything to Namjoon as of now
but you guys gotta plan it well
can’t have your dads noticing right away
they won’t! they don’t even know we met up at the camp, so they won’t be able to put two and two together
and we’ll plan it well!!
we already exchanged numbers
since we can’t hang out together all the time at the camp, or lisa and the others are gonna get suspicious lol
so most of the time we gotta conspire thru text
oh right, you’ve got school friends with you at the camp
you’re not gonna even tell your school friends?
I wanna, I hate keeping things from them
but I can’t
bc they might give it away
u know lisa is great friends with her mom and tells her everything and her mom is also dad’s colleague so…
no, too risky
and if i don’t tell lisa i can’t tell anyone else because lisa is my bestest friend
so i can’t tell them
a very covert operation indeed
but uncle has faith in you
you guys can pull it off
I’m so glad we have ur blessings now
it means that u, uncle hobi, who knows my dad better than anyone else
supports the idea of dad and other dad meeting again
or else u wouldn’t have agreed to this idea
since the two of us switching places kinda involve dad and other dad meeting
because how else are we gonna switch back lol
well yeah, I guess I always kinda secretly thought they deserve a second chance together
they were so young then
basically broke up over nothing
all those things they fought over… they were really insignificant
there were issues with some of Jin-hyung’s rich old great aunts or something but they’re prob all dead now
and I know Namjoon still misses him…
can you believe it, so many years
he never moved on
that’s good news then because other dad never moved on either
kookie says he uses a pic of dad as wallpaper
what?? he put faces of namjoon all over the wall??
no wtf it’s the wallpaper for his pc not the wallpaper for his house
thank goodness Namjoon might be my favorite person but I still wouldn’t want 1,000 Namjoon faces staring at me from the wall
I love u
ur the bestest dad in the world
Why say that all of a sudden?
I love you too