And it starts
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when you lose yourself
For a minute or two
Shane was standing in his usual spot at the Stardrop, nursing his third pint in silence. Emily was making small talk with him about some bird that she took in that had a bad wing, however he was quite disinterested at the moment. Had it been a different night, where he had less on his mind, he may have entertained the conversation. After a moment, Emily seemed to get the message and fell silent. Noticing his demeanor she opened her mouth as if to ask Shane what had him bothered, but shut it and walked away.
Shane's thoughts drifted to the farmer for what seemed like to be the hundredth time that day. He's been trying to shake his latent thoughts about her and how he fucked things up again. After getting drunk by the lake with the new farmer Kenzie on his birthday, they hooked up in a drunken passion, ending with two very satisfied parties. After the first time they had sex together, they made it clear to one another that all they were doing together was hooking up. No strings. No feelings. Just the occasional drink and fuck together. They never spoke of their "agreement" to any one and things were going well. Until he just had to fuck it up.
He started to notice that when he would meet up with Kenzie, where ever it may be that night, that his heart would start to race in anticipation. His palms got sweaty when he was around her, he began questioning how he looked and what he wore when they met up. He found himself becoming reluctant to leave her place when ever they hooked there. Until one night he didn't leave. Not at first anyway.
'That fucking night' he grimaced as he recalled. He had just gotten finished cleaning her up from that evenings rendezvous when Kenzie asked him if he wanted to stay. Truth be told, he didn't think twice about accepting which should have been his first fucking clue. It was already nearly 1 AM and with it being the end of fall it would be uncomfortably cold if he decided to trek back to Marnie's. With a sly smirk, he crawled back into bed with her, pulling her against him firmly. It was dark, but he could have sworn that he saw a smile on her face as she nestled her face into the crook of his neck. Soon, she was snoring softly next to him, fast asleep.
In that moment, he felt like he could have stayed there forever and be completely happy. The flickering, dying embers in the fire place danced on her bare skin as he watched her sleep. He found himself running his fingers through her soft brown curls, letting out a content sigh before he slowly started to let himself drift off to sleep. That is, until his fucking brain caught up with him. His eyes shot open as a feeling of dread overcame him. He was fucking falling for her. His heart instantly began to race and he felt like his throat was closing up. He had to get out of there. He shot out of her bed, leaving leaving the half awake, disoriented farmer wondering what the hell happened. He muttered something about Marnie needing him while he was getting himself dressed. He saw the farmer's eye brows knit together in confusion and he swore that he saw a flash of disappointment cross her features before he rushed out the door into the waiting autumn night.
At this revelation, Shane abruptly ended their hook up agreement, still much to the confusion of Kenzie. He couldn't risk continuing the "relationship" that he had with her and not fuck himself up more than he already is. However, in the back of his mind, he knows that it's already too late. He can't get her out of his mind, hasn't been able to for weeks.
Snapping back to reality and his beer, he finished his pint and motioned for another. Soon enough, he was sipping on a new glass to try and forget. That is, until she walked in.
As you stand, under the bar lights
And the band plays some song about forgetting yourself for awhile
And the piano's this melancholy sound check to her smile
And that white dress she's wearing, you haven't seen her for a while
Shane heard her melodic voice before he saw her, his blood running cold. He has successfully avoided her for weeks, the reality that he was going to see her for the first time since that night hit him like a ton of bricks. His hands gripped his beer tighter, feeling the tell tale sighs of anxiety panging in his chest. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily to try and regain composure. Shane felt his chest loosen a bit and he let out a relived sigh, resuming with his previous action of sipping on his beer. It was then when he allowed himself to glance in Kenzie's direction. She was making her usual rounds at the saloon, that perfect fucking smile on her lips, her group of friends in tow. His jaw clenched slightly as their group settled in their usual spot. The blonde guy with them broke off to order their drinks and Kenzie's stuck out to him like a sore thumb. 2 Gin and Tonics, her usual.
He heard bits and pieces of his and Emily's conversation as she worked. Shane, for the life of him, couldn't recall his name.The blonde was going into details about how their Solarian Chronicles game went that day, apparently Kenzie now joined them every Saturday to play. 'Tch, wouldn't taken you for the gaming type Kenzie. You keep surprising me.' he thought as he took another swig of his drink. Really, he didn't know too much about her interests at all. That was one of their agreements when they started fooling around that he insisted on, not wanting to get attached. What a load of shit. Shane knew, he fucking knew as soon as he slept with her the first time he was fucked. He knew that he was going to end up getting attached. But he refused to listen to his instincts and fell for the first girl to give him affection. What a pathetic excuse for a living being.
The blonde, which he deduced was Sam based on the conversation he overheard, gathered the group's drinks and made his way over to their usual spot. Shane's curious eyes followed him as he handed Kenzie both of her drinks. He watched has she threw back one of the drinks, as per usual, the empty glass being taken away by the black haired emo beside her. Sebastian. Shane did a slight eye roll and let out an annoyed huff. That emo fucker, standing too close to Kenzie for his liking, threw an arm around Kenzie as he sipped his beer. The two of them were entertaining some kind of story being told by Sam. From anyone else's point of view, it just looked like a friendly gesture. But Shane knew better. He saw right through the fucker, jaw clenching again as jealousy bubbled in the back of his throat.
Shane's attention snapped back to his beer, suddenly very aware at how much he was watching the group. He started to feel uncomfortably warm, a combination of the alcohol finally hitting his system and the warm fire next to him. The light above him flickered slightly as he ran a hand through his messy hair and pushed the sleeves of his Joja hoodie up. Someone, most likely Pierre's kid, had changed the song on the jukebox. A soft piano ballad began playing, followed by a few guitars. If Shane wasn't as intoxicated he probably could have named the band, not that it really mattered at this point. He closed his eyes again, trying to get the image of Kenzie out of his fucking head. He was unsuccessful so far, as the image of her in that white winter dress, showing of those fucking curves, was already etched into his mind. Swallowing thickly, he reopened his eyes, downing the rest of his beer. Making quick eye contact with Emily, she was already working on getting him another drink.
But you know, that she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning, she's holding her tonic like a cross
The room suddenly spinning, she walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume, you can see her lying naked in your arms
Shane knew that she was watching him too. He could feel her curious eyes on him, when she thought he didn't notice. Unbeknownst to her, however, he always noticed. For a moment, he let him self entertain the idea that maybe she missed him. That maybe, just maybe, there may be something salvageable from this fuck up. 'Pft. Who would miss me. I'm not worth missing.' he thought to himself defeatedly. Emily handed him the beer she started for him earlier, a worried expression crossed her features but she said nothing and went back to work. Unknowingly, his eyes drifted again to the group on the other side of the saloon. Pierre's daughter was playing Journey to the Prairie King as always. Sam was watching over her shoulder, looking as though he was trying to give her advice while she was playing, much to her annoyance it seemed. Kenzie and Sebastian, however, were not with the other two, much to Shane's displeasure.
It appears that they were entertaining their own conversation, a bright smile on her face as Sebastian leaned down to whisper something in her ear. Shane watched as a blush creeped across her face, a blush that he was very fucking familiar with when they were intimate. Then it was her turn to whisper in the emo's ear, giggling as she did so. Shane could see a smirk cross the other man's lips while Kenzie started sipping on her drink, running her fingers through his fringe briefly. It was then when Shane had made unintentional eye contact with the fucker, Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed together trying to figure out why he was watching their interaction so closely.
"Shit.." Shane mumbled, breaking eye contact and looking down at his beer. He rested the back of his head against the cool brick wall behind him, closing his eyes. 'Fucking idiot, you need to stop watching her.' he thought to himself. He let out a long exhale before opening his eyes again and, to his horror, Kenzie was making a beeline towards him. 'Shit...shit...shit...' he repeated in his head as he watched her approach him. He hasn't spoken to her in person since that night. That awful fucking night.
"Shane!" Kenzie exclaimed as she approached him, that fucking perfect smile was plastered on her face. Shane was avoiding looking at her in the face, his gaze was fixed on the beer he had in his hands. She stood in front of him now, taking a long sip of her drink before she spoke again. "How've you been? Haven't really seen you 'round lately." she stated, her brown eyes looking up at him. 'Heh. Small talk. Thought you were more creative than this Kenzie.' Shane thought to himself, still avoiding eye contact with her. "You see it." he mumbled, barely audible. He chugged some of the beer in his hands before continuing. "What do you want?" he huffed out, trying to fix his gaze on anything else besides her perfect fucking face. He knew if he did, he'll be done for. He couldn't let himself do that.
Kenzie looked a little taken aback at the gruffness of his tone, he can see her face fall from his peripheral vision. She reached out and rested one of her hands on his bicep, Shane nearly flinched feeling her cool hand his warm skin. 'Don't. Fucking. Look. At. Her.' he mentally scolds himself, running a hand through his hair trying to calm himself down. She's so close that if she tried, she probably could hear his heart pounding in his chest. The familiar scent of honeysuckle and lavender came off her in waves, invading Shane's thoughts. His mind briefly flashes back to that night again, remembering how the light from the fire danced on her bare skin. He swallowed thickly, resting his head again on the brick wall behind him.
"Shane..." she started again, looking down at her hand on his arm. He closed his eyes again, trying to focus on his breathing. He heard Kenzie let out a small sigh before opening her mouth again to speak, "..It meant something to me too." she whispered, almost seemingly to herself. Shane's heart stopped, his brain almost ceased to function. His eyes snapped open to find her brown eyes staring into his. Kenzie gave him a sad half smile, squeezing his arm one last time before letting him go and walking back to Sebastian waiting on the couch. Shane stood there frozen, trying to process what just happened has he watched her retreating form.