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Raccoon Eyes

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Video opens on Bucky sitting in front of the screen, apparently just having finished arguing with someone off screen from the death glare he’s giving them. Reluctantly looks at the camera

“Ok, so, SOMEONE insisted I should do a makeup tutorial video because I’m a … role model? For omega guys, embrace your femininity, I'm not sure who told you I'd be a good role model, seriously, no one should -“

Someone off screen whispers something, and he corrects course

“Um. So this stuff … This is going to be kind of experimental because I had to go buy new stuff because, uh, there was an accident. This, um, this is skin colored liquid stuff, and this is skin colored powder stuff. It appears the liquid goes on first. Then - um -“

Someone offscreen whispers “Stop saying um”

“I’ll say um if I fu-“


“This is lipstick. This is blush. Easy enough. There are now FIVE BAJILLION COLORS one can put on one’s eyelids, I picked 4 and Natasha took the blue away so now I have three. There’s a pencil eyeliner, I didn’t like the feel of the lip liner so I destroyed it, and to hell with mascara I hate it and you can’t make me wear it.”

Holds up a handful of makeup stuff, as mismatched as a magpie nest.

"But look the point is, this doesn't have to be that expensive or that complicated. You dive in, learn the basics, and play with it. You'll buy plenty of crap that doesn't work out, and that's ok. Keep at it and you'll find stuff you like. You have to be shitty at this before you get good at it. Which shows you exactly how much I've done this since I stopped being a POW, because I'm still crap at it. I'm doing it anyway, and if you want to also, you should."

Puts on foundation

This feels weird. Like I have paint on my face.”

Further along w foundation

“It’s not so bad when it’s thinned out.”

On neck

“I am … really glad … I shaved with the razor with like, twelve blades on it. So smooth. I thought it was excessive. Lookit that, I’m like a salamander.”

Putting on powder

“Thaaaaat’s better. This says shine control on it, which, that’ll be nice, if it works, but I’ll probably get all sweaty later if I have to go fight someone. We’ll see how it stands up in combat.”

Looking indignant at someone offscreen

“Soldiers can be pretty too, Natasha.”

Putting on lipstick

“Yeah I know it’s too red, but I was in the makeup section having a mild psychological meltdown when an old Latina lady came up and tried to help me, because she thought I didn’t know what I was doing and she was right, and I don’t know much of what she said but she handed me this one and said ‘Bonito’ so I bought it.”

Many short cuts of attempting to put on eyeliner

Bucky now has way too much black eyeliner

“Color is hard, so I’m going with black.”

Puts on way too much black eyeshadow

"This is on purpose. I want eyes so smoky I look like a raccoon."

Takes off the lipstick

“You know what I think I need one or the other. Stupidly garish lipstick or stupidly excessive eyeshadow. Not both, for me. You? You do whatever the fuck you want. I have now made an aesthetic choice. Decisions are hard. Chapstick is fine. Oh and hey, sunscreen is a good idea, even chapstick oughta have it now.”

Has been cleaned up a little in between takes, probably by Natasha, but is still sporting black eyeshadow like it’s camouflage

“So, um, I’m done here. You have most likely learned nothing. Except maybe that when you’re flailing around in front of the mirror with makeup, just do whatever the hell you want, it’s for you, not anyone else. Nobody knows how to use this shit anyway, they're all faking. And if somebody - some worthless piece of tripe - tries to tell you that you're a guy, or too masculine, so makeup isn't for you, tell them it's your own fucking face, you'll fuck it up however you want to, just like they fucked their own face up. You tell 'em I said that."

Kisses at the screen. Cut.