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In which a goofy Male Human, a year after clearing a 3-year long ‘game’ and creating a new universe to reside in along his many human and troll friends, finds himself victim to repressed feelings of melancholy and loneliness, --

Chapter Text

You are not sure when it all started.

To be fair, you were never the sort of person to analyse the psychological impacts of certains feelings and whatnots -- that is what Rose likes to do, not you. Hell, they bore you to death. Not that there is anything wrong with that; You just prefer to take things at your own pace, to follow wherever the wind takes you. Okay, that analogy might be too literal. But the point you are making is clear.

You never really paid much attention to it. Sometimes you do, for the slightest moment before it is gone with the wind. (You can already hear Karkat’s exasperation at your lame movie references. And the wind pun.) Like the first morning you spent in Egbert Residence 2.0(Dave dubbed your house that), when your ears were greeted with the absence of sounds from the kitchen -- gone were the sounds of someone whisking noisily against the inner surface of the mixing bowl, the sound of flowing water from the kitchen tap, the deep, mellow-toned humming of that piano refrain you used to play. Then you received a snap from Dave, and found a picture of a fossil that looks like a mix between a banana and Hella Jeff’s face. And that was it.

Or maybe you were just idling around the house, with nothing better to do, when you catch yourself feeling restless -- incredibly restless to the point that it felt suffocating. But you always managed to cover it up by finding something to do. (and that was how you ended up on the receiving end of Rose’s passive-aggressive affectionate gestures after pulling a prank that Went Too Far. You stopped pranking for a month afterwards. ) You were not the kind of person to dwell on depressing things. After all, why would you do that, when you could be having a great time instead?

Today however, was slightly different.

You were attending a party at Rose and Kanaya’s place. It was more of a gathering, just the 12 of you hanging out; Catching up with Roxy about what is new at Carapace Kingdom(Technically you could have ask Rose, but asking Roxy gives you a chance to make conversation), trying to ignore Terezi’s tauntings on everything you do(and failing miserably), chatting with Jade like the dorky siblings you two are(according to Dave, the ultimate dork himself), playing pranks with Jane(need you say more?), laughing at Karkat whose face had turned a brighter shade of red than his blood colour when Dave performed a rap that he wrote for his troll boyfriend in public (which was just a rap with a combination of very crappy pick up lines that actually do not make sense at all), you get the drift. By you, you do not mean yourself, you mean you. Like you, the person who is reading this, not you, the goofy windy boy. Okay, this is getting really stupid, you are a terrible narrator and storyteller etc, moving on.

You were hanging with Dave and Karkat for a bit, when you tell the two that you should be heading home(there was a fair tomorrow morning that you wanted to attend), but not before vocally recalling that you were supposed to return Rose the vampire rom-com movie CD you borrowed. You then proceeded to question, albeit maybe a little defensively, the couple on their presumed lack of response. Dave told you to chill and that no, they were not giving you a funny look, he and Karkat had used to watch rom-com movies all the time on the meteor, where he found his love for watching 50 different variations of the “potential kismesis is my moirail’s matesprit-crush” trope, insinuating that you seemed to be the only one embarrassed by this. Now that you think about it, they are probably not wrong; You do have a weird problem with admitting that you like “stereotypical girly things”, even though you really do not mind any other guy doing them.

Karkat asked you what movie you had borrowed. Upon hearing the name, his face wrinkled in disgust, and proceeded to express about how bad that particular movie was. You protested that you thought the movie was nice, in which Karkat responded that he was not surprised to hear you say that, since it took you three years to realise that con air was bad. Your immediate reaction was to counter that it was not a bad movie, just not the best you had seen from Nic Cage.

You and Karkat then proceeded to have a one-sided debate on what deems as a bad movie and what does not, which basically consisted of Karkat going on about a full-fledged analysis on different aspects of film, and you teasingly calling Karkat a film nerd who did not know how to enjoy movies without reading too much into the plot.

Dave then interjected, saying that as much as he enjoyed his boyfriend’s enthusiasm in movies, the two of you were being utter movie fanatics and there was only so much movie-nerding-out he could understand. Well, not exactly -- what he said was some sort of weird metaphor. You were not sure -- his rants are even more confusing offline than online.

Before the conversation could digress, you tell them that you should really be making your leave; Human kingdom isn't exactly near Carapace kingdom. Dave mentioned that you could ask Jade to teleport you back home and stay a little longer, but you didn't want to bother her. You bid your goodbyes to the two lovebirds, already planning the next set of teases for the couple. You are such a great wingman.

You walked down the stairs from the balcony to the kitchen, the aroma of Jane’s cheesecake filling your surroundings. You still find it amusing; 4 years ago, you would not even be within 10 foot range of the cake, but today, you had taken a slice of cake without complaint. Hell, you even kind of enjoy it? Maybe you did not really hate Betty Crocker products. Or rather you mind them less once people stop shoving cake down your throat, namely your Dad, then your Nanna.

Dammit you miss your Dad. It has been four years, but you miss him all the same. You used to wonder if he would ever appear in dream bubbles. Now you wonder less. But that is a thought for another time.

You walked across the living room, smiling amusingly at the sight of Dirk and Jake doing some strange form of light-hearted wrestling (it is nice that the two of them reconciled with one another) as you headed towards the hallway, the chatter from the living area becoming faint. You soon stopped in front of a door with an elaborate lettering of the name ‘Rose’ on it, making a mental note to suggest that she adds Kanaya’s name on the door, with the amount of time she spends in her girlfriend’s bedroom. Hehe.

...There is something you were forgetting here.

You knocked on the door and opened-


Rose was staring at you; Not exactly in the usual manner, which felt like she could look into your soul, so she was probably drunk. Oh, Kanaya was there staring at you too. Sitting on a bed. Arms around shoulders and waist. Disheveled hair. More under-dressed than you preferred.

You averted your gaze and absconded the fuck out of there.

You immediately left the party and rushed home, trying to look unfazed by the scene you had just seen, though probably failing -- you were never good with maintaining a poker face. You berated yourself for your stupidity. Rose often told you that opening a door immediately after knocking on it is counterproductive, but it was a habit that was hard to break. Well, you certainly learned your lesson.

And uh……wow. Fuck.

You had joked about Rose and Kanaya spending too much time in the bedroom together, but you never thought about them doing, well, that. You were probably the least experienced in romance amongst your friends, but you were pretty sure they are a bit too young to have sex, even if they were married. In human standards, at least. What was the troll age limit for that kind of thing anyway? Or the age limit in this universe?

But either way. Fuck.

Somehow, you ended up wondering if Dave and Karkat-okay no. No. Ew. You were not thinking about this. You were not going to think about your friends making out because god that is so fucking weird.

And you failed at not thinking about it. The image of your friends making out gave you a shudder. Gross. Urgh.

Okay, maybe you jumped to conclusions. Maybe they weren't about to have sex. The Rose and Kanaya you knew wouldn't make such a brash decision. Ahh, but then again, she was drunk, which was very strange and you would definitely ask her about it tomorrow. To add on, they were in a very intimate pos-BLUHHHHH YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE IT STOP BEING STUPID AND STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

And so, you spent the rest of the trip back home reminding yourself not to think about it, which in turns made you think about it, so you switched on your phone to play Sugar Squash(which, according to Dirk, was a game similar to a game on earth called Candy Crush), before realising that playing on your phone and flying at the same time was really dangerous, so you kept your phone and the images START COMING AGAIN OH GOD.

Halfway through the flight, when you have successfully broken the cycle of thinking about weird shit, A cold wind swept past you, causing a sudden chill. Maybe you should have asked Jade to warp you back home. But then again, you always enjoyed flying around, whether be it night or day, rain or shine(that being said, flying in the rain is pretty fun until the part where you caught a cold).

You wished you were able to manipulate the wind like how the people of Earth C had thought you could, because that would pretty awesome. You can manipulate the wind, just not as much as people believed. For one, you can't control the entire weather. You can create tornadoes and blow out forest fires though. That's pretty neat and useful.

Luckily, the wind died down into a calm breeze, making the rest of the flight back home pretty relaxing. You ended up spending the rest of the flight gazing at the scenery below you as a distraction from Rose and Kanaya’s underdressed-GAHH NO.

The streets seemed empty, but then again it's really dark and really hard to see. The only reason why you had yet to be lost was because of your ‘windy instincts’. A familiar note was produced, one of desolation, but you could not really put a finger on why. Something just felt...missing from your life.

God, you could not believe how sentimental you were being right now. Rose and Kanaya having sex must have set something off in you.

What a weird night.

You had a feeling that your days were about to get weirder.

Before you knew it, you had arrived at the front your doorstep. You unlocked the door, and stepped into the apartment.

Silence greeted you at your doorstep, though not unexpected. It still gives you an unsettling chill. You would think that after living in the same apartment for a year, you would have gotten used to this atmosphere. Locking the door behind you, you started to make your way towards the stairs to wash up and head to bed.

You were supposed to go to sleep.

But here you are in the present, lying on your bed, and just thinking, quite unlike your usual self. Thinking about Rose and Kanaya. Thinking about Dave and Karkat. Thinking about Jake and Dirk. Thinking about dating. Thinking about relationships. Thinking about intimacy and make-outs (not the act of doing it, the concept god dammit!) Thinking about your relationships. Thinking about the last time you have thought so much.

Thinking about the meteor trip. Thinking about how you kept on anticipating the end of the meteor trip so that you could get yourself out of the misery zone of solitude. Thinking about how things are definitely better than before. Thinking about how despite the many friends you have, you are not sure about that.

Thinking about how embarrassing it is that you are getting all contemplative and angsty right now. Thinking about how you were a much stronger person when you were fighting for your life. Thinking about how you have nothing to complain about, and that others have struggled as much as you did, if not more.

Thinking about how silent your apartment is. Thinking about how you really, really do not like it.

A surge of irritation rushes in, and you would have probably cracked up a tantrum if you were not feeling so exhausted at the moment. You groan to yourself, resting your arm over your eyes. God, you are such a mess. You did not retcon your timeline to mope around. You were supposed to be happy.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You retain most of your interests you had 4 years ago, such as PRANKING and watching TERRIBLE MOVIES THAT ARE NOT TERRIBLE IN YOUR OPINION. You still have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, though explored less these days. You have also begun to develop an interest for ROM-COM MOVIES, as a result of being friends with a certain Rom-com nerd. You have a new favourite pastime of FOOLING AROUND WITH YOUR WINDY POWERS and FLYING AROUND IN THE SKY TO BE A NOSY LITTLE SHIT TO UNSUSPECTING CITIZENS OF HUMAN KINGDOM.

It has been over a year since you beat Sburb, and you, as messed up as it is, pretty much feel like the most miserable creature to have ever exist in all universes at the current moment.