Being an adult sucked, all his dreams and hopes had gotten sucked away long before he had the chance to chase to even try to capture them. It had been just enough to exist and make it through each day.
Why fight and make himself look good? Why fight to be above everything when in the end talent barely mattered to anyone? You could fumble and bumble and still make it. It was better to forget about all those things, all those ambitions and cling to the little things that weren’t so bothersome.
Of course he had gotten over his head in the end hadn’t he. He had allowed the rush and the power to get to him. What had taken him down those pegs again? Oh yeah, fucking kids. The world was funny like that.
Usually kids would never make it that far, usually the world stopped that nonsense in its tracks but things had ended up differently this time hadn’t it. Those kids had pushed him and pushed him until he had ended up where he currently was.
He was accepting of it. Those were the rules so he was going to follow them. Besides it was a lot safer in here than out there. There were things he had not even known he had wanted or valued until they had come at risk.
How the hell had he gotten attached to people? Gotten attached to things when he was the way he was? It was never supposed to be important, it was never supposed to be taken seriously and yet he had stupidly gotten involved and attached hadn’t he?
He had made a place for himself when he had been determined not to do that. Not to play by their pace. He had gotten trapped and god it sucked but- he was thankful too.
They had not even known anything. That sleepy boring town had seemed just a bit brighter with them around. Even the annoying kid that got him in trouble he had been alright. Excluding the meddling and basically everything else.
That aside the warmest feelings that Adachi had ever experienced had been when all of them had been together. it was hard to ignore it. It was hard to pretend that those nights watching Dojima had not been amusing.
The night that Dojima tried to drink him under the table. The older man had always lost, always and Adachi had been the one to haul him home every time. He had gotten tipsy a few times but never as trashed as Dojima got.
It was hard to pretend that those times were not dear to him. He had to be honest with himself even if he decided to lie to others. Dojima, Nanako and the kid. They had been precious to him and when he had realized he might lose them…
He had not reacted well. He had done stupid things but he had never wanted her hurt. Wanted Dojima thrown off his rhythm yes but Adachi would have easily killed anyone that tried to harm Dojima. It would have been easy too. That big man that was more fragile than people imagined.
It was shameful how easily he had gotten Adachi to care and it was a fucking shame that even now, even here he still gave a shit about all of them. He could see Dojima anytime if he wanted but it was still too painful. There were things he did not want to have to say. Things he did not want to see. So he would ignore the persistent bastard.
“Sir you’re wasting your time.” The guard had a friendly face. “He’s not going to see you.” Dojima shifted the bag that he held into his other hand as he nodded. “You seem like a nice guy, it’s sad to see you get turned away time and time again but he won’t see you. He won’t even see his lawyers.”
“I see.” No Dojima did not see at all but he had to act as though he did. “Have you seen him?”
The guard looked slightly guilty before he nodded. “Charges aside he’s a decent sort. Does what he is told to and you don’t have to worry about him wasting time or trying to start something. I think he’s trying to serve his time as quietly as possible. I think it would move faster with company but he has to know what he’s doing.”
“And you can’t exactly give gifts if the person won’t see you huh.” Dojima muttered. “Even though he is on good behaviour so he can receive them.”
“Well about that Sir.” The guard shifted. “He said he doesn’t want you depositing any money either. I mean that’s his wishes and he doesn’t cause any trouble or anything so please don’t. he’s serious.”
It was actually hurtful but Dojima found himself smiling at Adachi’s antics. “Tohru, you’re really pushing me away aren’t you.” He sighed before he opened the bag. “I’m sorry to do this but do you want this to make a salad with? I brought it here but it seems it won’t be wanted or needed.”
“Oh…” The guard’s brown eyes shone with happiness. “Thank you!”
“Adachi-san.” The voice came when he was trying to get some sleep. He rolled over and sighed to let the person know he was listening. “That detective came by again today. I turned him away again.”
Persistent bastard. “Thank you.” Adachi muttered. “Keep turning him away, don’t take his money either.” Any money he could spare was better off being spent elsewhere. Things for Nanako, things for the house. Hell maybe an investment in some cooking lessons.”
“Is it really okay to turn him away like this?” The guard was too kind. If Adachi was playing a different sort of game it would be so easy to take advantage of him. “He looked kind of sad.”
“It’s better this way, I want him to stop thinking about me.” Adachi muttered. “He has better things to do than run after me in here. I’m not going forward, he is.”
“If you say so.” The guard muttered. “I took the cabbage he brought for you.”
Only in dreams could he find true peace, only in dreams could he be honest. Only when he closed his eyes and went to that place was Adachi allowed to relax. After everything, the only place he could feel good was dreams.
Igor had come to him early in his sentencing. Just because he had lsot did not mean it was over. Adachi was not going to die because he had lost, he wanted to live and because he had wanted to live Igor had shown him someplace amazing.
He knew that he was asleep but everything was different. When he slowly opened his eyes he saw a world of white. There was no sound and when he stood up and walked he knew his body in the real world would be still in sleep.
There were no other sounds besides his footsteps as he walked. With concentrations the white took colours and then shapes. The small sleepy town he had hated and accepted came to life with every step. People and animals came alive and moved as though they had life.
They were not what he was looking for however. His clothes changed until he wore a simple raincoat over a suit. Above him the sky changed until a light grey covered the new sky. Clouds swelled above him and burst.
The rain was no bother to him, he walked down the streets, avoided the cars on his way to his destination. When he made it to the shrine he did not have to look far for what he was looking for. He saw the blue umbrella first. She was crouched next to the shrine a fox as her company.
Adachi reached out his arm and a large yellow umbrella formed in his grip. He opened it as he took a few steps forward. “Nanako-chan!” When she turned at his voice his heart melted. “It’s time to go home.”
“Tohru-san!” She was so excited she almost dropped her umbrella. He run to him was stopped when she ran to hug his leg. “Are going to Junes on the way home?”
“Hmm I don’t know.” Adachi mused. “Should we?”
“Yes!” She laughed. “Let’s go to Junes.”
“But Papa said you just went there yesterday.” He tapped the top of her head lightly. “Well I guess we could make the exception this time. We need more food to cook. We’ll appease Papa somehow right?”
It was ironic and sort of sad how he ignored reality like this but it did not matter. This was what worked for him. Things like this got him through the day. Things like this was what made the pain worth it.
The door opened before he could use his key. He rolled his eyes at the man waiting for them in the doorway. “Move so Nanako-chan can get in properly.” He scolded. “I hope you didn’t try to cook again.”
“We went to Junes!” Came the happy squeal from Nanako as she made a dash for inside.
“Sellout.” Adachi groaned.
“We will discuss these spending habits and this spoiling of yours.” Dojima said as he removed the bag from Adachi’s grip. “Later he promised with a kiss to his cheek and a nip to his exposed neck.
“The fucking neighbours Ryotaro!!” Adachi snapped as he shoved his way in. “Think before you act. At least close the fucking door first.”
“Decency.” Adachi hissed as he toed off his shoes. “I’d rather not be the hottest topic of neighbourhood gossip again.”
“They hear you night after night so you already are.” Dojima tossed out as he passed him to go to the kitchen. “Nanako hurry and wash up so we can eat. If you’re quick enough you get the cakes from Junes that I brought home!”
“I’m sorry who spoils her again?” Adachi muttered as he locked the door. “Damn soft pervy detective.”
It was not real but considering how things currently stood it was what he had. Adachi cursed the sunlight that entered his cell and rubbed away at his face. The tear tracks were still there. The entire thing was a blessing and a curse.
Nothing like that had ever happened. He had his doubts to whether those things would have ever happened but those two were so damn important to him and they were what he wanted.
He had lusted for Dojima but he had wanted the complete package. All he had wanted was everything and he had done nothing too scared of losing what he had. Now he did not have any of it and nothing would ever be the same.
Nights he had spent wishing he could have a kiss. Nights he had enjoyed spending at that house because it had felt like a home. All he had now were his dreams. They were better off away from him, they were so bright and good. Without him they could stay that way.
“Daddy?” Dojima jumped and slammed the photo facedown on the counter. “When is Adachi-san coming back home?”
“Not for a long time honey.” He was unable to stop himself from rustling her hair. “I’m sorry but you know he has to go away for a while.”
“And we can’t see him?” Her eyes were so wide and sad. “We can’t even call? Write?”
“The moment you can baby I’ll let you.” Dojima promised. It was not enough to appease her because when she turned and left the room he saw her sulk. Dojima picked back up the photo and sighed at it. Sooner or later Tohru would see him, he just had to be stubborn about it. He just had to keep working at it.
He doubted the man that had worked to protect him the way he could. Fight to keep him as uninvolved as he had, he doubted that man cared nothing for him. Adachi cared, he was just being stubborn. First he would keep working on him. Then he would bring that stubborn cuss home where he belonged. Dojima could wait.