Why wouldn’t the alcohol drown out the guilt? No matter how many she had, no matter how drunk she got, it was still there, an unwelcome emotion but one that she couldn’t rid herself of. She shouldn’t have let it get that far and she knew she would never forget how he had looked at her when she ended things. How the joy of seeing her had fallen into despair. He had quickly wiped all expression from his face, but for a fraction of a second, how deeply she had hurt him had been clear.
She should have been more upfront with him, explained that it was never going to be anything more than a few flirts and stolen kisses. Her heart had taken her elsewhere and she should have told him. If she was being honest, she should have never gotten involved with him in the first place.
She took another swig from her mug as Maryden switched songs. Sera’s song. Poor Maryden was going to eventually have to accept that Sera would probably never return her affections. She sighed heavily. Unrequited love seemed to be the theme this evening.
A loud bellowing laugh rang across the bar and she turned her gaze in it’s direction. Whatever story Krem was telling must be a good one judging by Bull’s laughter. She had intended to drink alone but spending time with Bull and his crew seemed far more appealing tonight. She ordered another mug and made her way to where the Chargers were seated.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Boss! Good to see you. Have a seat.”
There were no empty chairs, but since she was already slightly tipsy, she felt bold enough to take a seat on Bull’s lap. He raised his eyebrow at her but accepted it, wrapping an arm around her waist.
“Krem has been entertaining us with dirty jokes. Tell her the one with the three Chantry sisters and the cat.”
Krem’s face grew red and he shifted in his chair. “Not really appropriate for her ladyship Chief.”
“Nonsense. So there where these three Chantry sisters—”
Krem jumped up, cutting Bull off as his face grew even redder. “Another round Chief?” He turned and headed for the bar, not bothering to wait for Bull’s reply.
She waited until Krem was out of earshot before letting a giggle escape. Poor Krem. He was clearly mortified at the thought of sharing his joke with her. She was no stranger to dirty jokes but before Bull could finish this one she decided to help Krem out and distract Bull with his favorite subject.
“Bull, earlier I received a report that our scouts have stumbled across another dragon and it’s becoming a nuisance and a danger. You wouldn’t be interested in a dragon hunt would you?”
Another giggle as Bull’s eye lit up, followed by a giant smile. “When are we leaving?”
“I have a few things to attend to here in Skyhold, but plan on two days from now. That also gives us time to convince a few of the others to come with us.” The others didn’t find it as much fun as Bull, but she could probably convince Blackwall to join and maybe Varric if she spun it into an opportunity to gain inspiration for a novel.
As they were discussing their plans, Krem returned, carrying several pints in each hand. He handed them out before returning to his seat.
“Krem. The Boss is taking me dragon hunting,” Bull said, grinning from ear to ear.
She could see the tension leave Krem instantly with the subject change and when he glanced at her, she winked and received a smile in return, his gratitude clear before he looked away.
(Several hours and drinks later)
She had moved beyond slightly drunk into very, very, drunk. She had finally managed her goal of forgetting her guilt and was enjoying herself. She couldn’t credit the drink with all of it though. If she was being honest, a lot of it came from just being around Bull.
She had been wary of him at first, he had been open about only joining to spy after all, but over time he had become a friend, someone she could be honest with and who made her feel safe, relaxed, and happy. He had tightened his grip on her waist at some point to keep her from falling out of his lap and face diving into the floor. She maintains that she had not almost done that exact thing no matter how much he insisted that she was seconds away from it.
The downside to her lap sitting security was the effect his tighter grip on her waist was having. How good it felt pressing into her side. Her mind kept wandering to how his hands would feel on her bare flesh and she had to fight back a moan at the thought.
She tried to keep her attention on the conversation, but she couldn’t focus. Her head was too full of Bull. She’d pushed her growing feelings for him down for months but now that he was Tal-Vashoth, now that there was even a chance of a future with him, she had embraced them.
She leaned her head down against his chest and closed her eyes. This was nice. Snuggled against him, she took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He smelled wonderful. This was exactly where she wanted to be, snuggled in his arms, and she was going to enjoy their closeness for as long as she could.
She wasn’t sure how long she had laid against him, eyes still closed, listening to his heartbeat, when he stood suddenly, scooping her into his arms bridal style.
“Looks like it’s past the Boss’s bedtime.”
She heard a few snickers from the Chargers as Bull began to carry her towards the door. She knew by the sudden silence and cool air that they were now in the courtyard, the only sound Bull’s footsteps as he made his way towards the stairs leading into the main hall.
“I know you aren’t asleep.”
She opened her eyes to look up at him. “What gave me away?”
“Excuse me. I do NOT snore,” she protested as she crossed her arms.
“Yes you do. You can ask the others, but don’t worry, it isn’t loud enough to disturb anyone. It’s kind of cute.”
She felt her cheeks grew warm and she hoped she wasn’t obviously blushing. He carried her the rest of the way to the door heading up to her quarters, before setting her down gently.
“Can’t beat front door service.” She motioned for him to bend down towards her before kissing his cheek, her lips lingering longer than they should have.
“Careful Boss. Wouldn’t want to make Cullen jealous.” He chuckled as his hand brushed the spot her lips had touched.
She cringed as a twinge of guilt hit her. “Oh no, that’s not...he’s not...we’re not...that’s done and over.”
“Really?” he asked, his eyebrow arched. “I’m sorry to hear that. He’s a fool.”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t him. I ended it. He was getting too serious and I realized that I didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t fair to him.”
“Better a little hurt now than a big hurt later. Goodnight Boss.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed before turning to leave.
“Bull!” his name bursting from her lips automatically. He turned back to her, his head tilted slightly as he waited for her to continue.
She stood frozen for a moment, debating being completely honest with him, before replying. “The reason I couldn't give Cullen my heart, it already belongs to someone else.” The look she gave him leaving no room for doubt as to who exactly owned her heart. She held her breath as she waited for his reaction.
He took several steps towards her, forcing her backwards until her back hit the wall. “Who is it that you do want?”
“You,” she whispered. He grabbed her wrists gently and pulled them over her head with one hand as he easily lifted her off the ground until she was eye level with him. To anyone who walked in on the scene, it would look like she was in danger but fear was not the emotion she was feeling.
“I’m not sure if you know what that means, of what you would be getting yourself into.”
She lifted her legs, wrapping them around his waist as best as she could and pulling at him with her heels to encourage him to move closer to her. She wasn’t strong enough to force him but he still moved forward, pressing his body against hers, pinning her to the wall with his torso.
They stayed like that, staring at each other, her heart beating so fast she was afraid it would burst from her chest when he spoke again, “Last chance to change your mind.”
Her only answer was to lean forward as far as she could and kiss him with everything she had, pouring every ounce of desire for him into it. The hand holding her arms above her head released its hold and slid down her body to cup her face, his other cupping her behind, as his tongue slipped between her lips. She sucked on it slightly, Bull moaning at the action, the sound sending a rush of heat to her core as his hand slid down her body to palm her breast. He growled and broke their kiss. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”
“Then perhaps we should take this to my room.” She had barely finished when she found herself thrown over his shoulder as he slung open the door leading to her quarters, his long legs easily taking the stairs three at a time while she admired the muscles of his back and the curve of his ass.
When they reached her room, he gently flipped her off his shoulder onto the bed and stepped back. She watched as he removed his shoulder guard, belt, boots, and finally his pants. She wasn’t surprised to discover he didn’t bother with small clothes, her eyes roaming over his naked body appreciatively, before he spoke. “Your turn.”
She climbed off the bed and started to pull her scarf off but he stopped her. “Leave it on,” his voice firm and commanding, leaving her knees weak and her body aching with desire. She dropped the scarf and slowly began to remove the rest of her clothes, watching him the entire time until she stood naked before him. The way he looked at her sent a fresh wave of heat to her core. No one had ever looked at her that way before and it made her want him even more.
He closed the distance between them and hooked a finger around her scarf, tugging the fabric slightly. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” the word barely a whisper.
“Get on the bed.”
She obeyed the order, crawling on the bed to give Bull a nice view of her backside and waited.
“Lie down with your head by the bottom corner and put your hands above your head.”
Again she obeyed and she watched as he undid the rope holding the curtain of the elaborate canopy bed and used it to tie her hands around the post, tight enough to hold but not hurt. Her body was vibrating with anticipation when he joined her on the bed, the wood creaking under his weight. He reached for her scarf again, this time pulling it up and using it to blindfold her. She felt a moment of panic, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and she called out to him. “Bull?” her voice shaking.
“I’m here Kadan.” He slid his hand down her body, the tips of his fingers just barely grazing her skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. “I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. If you need to stop, simply say ‘katoh’ and it stops.”
She took a deep breath and calmed herself before she nodded. “I’m okay. I trust you.” She knew Bull wouldn’t hurt her but she had never given up control to anyone before and while it was thrilling, it was also terrifying.
She felt the bed shift as he moved and then his mouth was on her breast and all her fear fled her, replaced with pleasure. He swirled his tongue around her nipple and she gasped, before he moved to her other breast, giving it the same treatment. As he continued to switch between them, she felt his hand slid down her body, the roughness of it surprisingly pleasurable against her soft skin, until he reached the apex of her thighs and slid a finger between her folds. Her back arched and she pulled at her restraints, wishing desperately that she had her hands free to touch him.
When he pulled away, she whined in frustration but it quickly turned into a moan as his tongue began to trail down her body until he settled between her legs. She threw her head back, moaning loudly as Bull worked her with his tongue. She felt like her whole body was on fire with desire as he pleasured her with his mouth. Under his skillful ministrations it didn’t take long until she cried out, her orgasm hitting her hard. While she tried to catch her breath, he moved back up her body, kissing her softly before sliding inside her.
He kept his thrusts slow at first, allowing her body time to adjust to his girth and she was grateful. She was no virgin but she had never been with anyone quite as large as he was. He peppered kisses down up her jaw before capturing her lips again. After a few minutes she grew frustrated with the pace and dug her heels into his back. She broke their kiss to beg him for more. “Please Bull.”
She couldn’t see his face and when he didn’t respond she started to speak again but suddenly he changed the angle of his hips and began slamming himself deep and fast into her. She gripped bedpost, arching her back and filling the room with the sounds of pleasure.
She could feel her orgasm building and as it crashed over her she cried out, her walls tightening around Bull and sending him over the edge with her. He thrust into her few more times before pulling out and carefully climbing off of her. A moment later she felt him untying her hands and she pulled her scarf down off her eyes. She watched as he headed to her wash basin, before returning with a damp cloth, which he used to clean her up. When he was finished he tossed the rag to the floor and joined her back on the bed, pulling her into his lap.
Before she could ask what he was doing, he began to rub her shoulders. “Mmmmmmmmmmm,” was all she could manage as he worked out the slight ache and stiffness. “Are you okay after that?”
“I’m better than okay Bull.” He chuckled as his hands slid up her neck, continuing until he was massaging her scalp. “That feels amazing.” She sighed in contentment and closed her eyes, relaxing against him. She felt herself begin to fall asleep and when Bull noticed, he took her into his arms and gently laid her down on the bed.
He pulled back the blankets and placed them over her before tucking them in around her. Finally he leaned over and kissed her lips softly. “Good night Kadan.”
“Good night vhenan,” the words coming out mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.