Actions

Work Header

Magic Creatures

Work Text:

1. Here, Boy

Standing at the base of the staircase of the Sorrel-Weed mansion, Ryan called out for whatever had barked to come down while Shane whistled.

There was another bark and they heard the sound of another bark and heavy footfalls. They looked up at the top of the stairs. Ryan let out a shriek.

A thing that looked like a bear and a Tibetan mastiff had mated to create it came down the stairs, slowly at first and then at what seemed like a trot.

"It's a hell hound!" screamed Ryan.

It leapt in the air and landed on top of Mark the cameraman.

"Mark!" yelled Shane before he realized the animal was wagging its tail and licking the cameraman's face with pronounced affection.

"Let me rub your belly," said the cameraman. "Show me your tummy."

It flopped on its back and Mark rubbed its tummy. "Hello, Cerberus, hello!"

"Mark . . . what's going on?"

"Puppy misses its master."

Ryan began shooting Mark with holy water, which Mark swatted away without burning. "The power of Christ compels you," said Ryan.

"I'm not a demon!" sighed Mark. "I'm a pagan god."

"Oh, you mean like Krampus," said Shane.

"Try Hades."

"Woof," said Cerberus.

2. The Worst Worth It/Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural Crossover Idea Ever

Steve Lim turned to the camera standing next to Andrew and said, "We are in Houston, Texas."

Andrew said, "What are we doing today?"

"We're having a rare meat episode. We're starting with chupacabra also known as goat sucker. The next meat will be Bigfoot in Willow Creek, California and last but not least is a Tessie steak from Lake Tahoe. Which one of these will be worth it?"

Adam quietly gagged off screen.

3. The Supernatural Can Be Cute

Ryan sighed. He had managed to convince Buzzfeed to fund a trip to Japan not only with Shane and Mark but also Rie to act as translator and facilitator. They were supposed to go in search of haunted castles, and search the countryside for kappas, an amphibious being that could be merely mischievous or quite dangerous, or oni, which were horned demons. In any case, he was hoping for something that would impress the people back home.

Instead, he found himself watching Shane and Rie play with a little blond boy with a fluffy tail and two small ears on top of his head on an empty beach. At first, they thought he had been an abandoned child that needed to be taken to the local police but a surprising transformation had changed their mind about that.

"Shane, Rie," said the little boy.

"He's so cute," said Rie.

"Oh, my God, why are you playing with him? Are you crazy? He's full of evil!" said Ryan. He had already wasted an entire squirt gun's worth of holy water on it to no effect.

"He's not a bear, Ryan," said Shane.

"This is a tanuki, a Japanese racoon dog. They're legendary for shape shifting and playing tricks on people," said Ryan. "Did you not do any studying for this trip?"

"No," said Shane.

"I will be the only surviving member of this group," said Ryan darkly.

"Lunch," said Mark, walking towards them holding up a bag with five bento boxes in it he had gotten from a restaurant on the edge of town.

"Why did you get five?"

Mark pointed to the tanuki.

"Don't feed him! Once you feed an animal, he'll keep following you!"

The End