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kiss full of color, makes me wonder where you've always been

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“James, please go get your pyjamas on and brush your teeth,” Harry pleaded for the third time that night. It was already nine thirty, and he wanted to rip his hair out. His four-year-old son jutted his chin out and stomped his little foot defiantly.


“No Daddy, no sleep! I’m not tired!”


Harry felt hot tears prick his eyes as he turned around to take a deep breath, not wanting to take his anger out on his son, no matter how frustrated he was. The wailing baby in his arms had finally calmed down now that she was drinking from her Daddy, and Harry looked down to find Hadley sucking away steadily, soft blue eyes staring up at him as she clutched his chest. Harry sighed, feeling a bit calmer just looking at this precious angel and knowing he had stopped her fierce cries.


Gently, he thumbed away a stray tear on her ruddy cheeks that were red from crying and stroked her fine brown hair. She was nearing two, and there wasn’t much curl to her hair yet, but Harry sensed that as she got older little ringlets would form, similar to his own hair.


Making his way into the kitchen, he sat down defeatedly. James was absolutely refusing to listen tonight, and Harry knew the last thing he should be doing was give in and let him stay up – he would be cranky tomorrow and his sleep schedule would be royally screwed up. However, Harry was almost five months pregnant and feeling all kinds of overwhelmed today, and he didn’t know if he had the energy and patience to deal with James’ tantrum at the moment.


Sighing, he ran his hand through his long curls, letting his eyes close for a moment. He was exhausted. Hadley whined, and Harry could sense that she was about to start crying again.


“You’re hungry tonight, huh peanut?” Harry whispered, gently resituating her so she could drink from his other breast. Immediately, she latched on to his nipple, resuming her greedy suckling as she stared up at her Daddy. Harry felt overcome with love as he watched his baby eat. She was so beautiful, and Harry loved that he could do this with all of his kids. Harry had developed breasts when he was pregnant with Rowan, their oldest, much to Louis’ delight. When he started lactating, he cried of happiness. There was nothing more he wanted than to be able to feed his children and bond with them in such an intimate, special way. He loved doing it, found nothing wrong with wanting to nourish and feed his children with his body. While Rowan was six and never asked to breastfeed anymore, James occasionally would mouth at Harry’s chest, suckling when he was upset or overwhelmed. Harry couldn’t wait for their new baby to be born so he could nourish them as well.


Harry stroked Hadley’s cheek, watching her soft sucking and the way her eyes were now fluttering shut, long dark eyelashes fanning across her cheeks. Harry kissed her head, inhaling the sweet scent of baby shampoo. He had his baby on his chest, and another baby in his tummy. All I’ve ever wanted, he thought.


The telly was still playing in the living room, meaning James was still refusing to go to bed. Harry breathed through his nose, willing himself to relax and not get stressed. If he didn’t get tired soon enough, Louis would take care of the situation when he got home. Fuck, Louis. He had missed his husband all day, yearning for his touch and the feeling of his lips on his. He whined softly when his mind went to this morning’s events, Louis waking him up with his warm tongue licking over Harry’s hole, but having to stop before either of them could come due to Hadley’s insistent crying. Louis cursed and apologized, promising to make it up to Harry later.


The problem was that Harry was so fucking horny, always was when he was knocked up, but his hormones had been through the roof lately. Louis was fucking him twice, sometimes three times a day, and he still felt horny all the time. Going through the day with blue balls was torture, and Harry swore he could still feel Louis’ tongue and the way it fucked into him so skillfully and perfectly. He was so frustrated that he locked himself in their room during naptime and watched one of their sex tapes - the one where Harry rode Louis into the mattress while he was seven months pregnant with James - as he fucked himself with the largest dildo he owned. It felt fucking amazing, but it wasn’t Louis, and he wanted his husband to wreck him more than anything.


He glanced up at the clock on the microwave, which now read ten o’clock. Usually Louis would text if he was running late in the studio, but he must have forgotten to tonight, too wrapped up in finishing some songs for his next album. Harry hardly could complain, though – their schedules had become much more flexible, both men able to write and work from home, recording in their studio they had built which allowed them to stay home with the kids. When they did have to go out to work, it was usually only a few days a week, the men alternating days so one could be with the children.


Yes, Harry loved Louis and that he was working so hard on his upcoming album, but he was tired and frustrated and overwhelmed and very, very horny. Not the best combination of emotions for a pregnant man.


Little footsteps down the stairs announced the presence of Rowan, who was clutching his stuffed koala bear named Kip. His bottom lip was wobbling and he fisted at his sleepy green eyes as he walked over to Harry.


“What’s wrong, baby?” Harry questioned as he took in the sight of his crying son.


“H-had a nightmare, Daddy,” Rowan hiccupped, a tear escaping as he hugged Kip tightly to his chest.


Harry frowned, beckoning his eldest child towards him so he could pull him in for a cuddle.


“That’s no good, my love. But I’m glad you woke up, so you know it was just a dream, yeah? No monsters are going to hurt you Row, I promise,” Harry murmured, using his free hand that wasn’t holding Hadley to card through Rowan’s disheveled curls. They were a duplicate of Harry’s own curls, so he knew the trouble he would go through tomorrow morning to comb through them.


Rowan nodded solemnly, leaning into Harry’s touch, eyes going wide.


“Because you and Papa are always going to protect me and keep me safe, right?”


Harry smiled at how Rowan repeated something that Louis and he told all of their children quite often. It was important to them that their children had a firm and unyielding knowledge that they would always be loved and looked after, no monsters or bogeymen able to hurt them – no matter how scary the dream.


“That’s absolutely right, baby. D’you feel better now?” Harry questioned as he squeezed his son’s shoulder.


Rowan nodded, hiccupping again as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. Lazily, he smiled at Hadley who was patting his cheek softly, giggling as he stroked her hand in return.


“Daddy, where’s Papa?” Rowan asked as he stuck his tongue out at Hadley to make her smile. With the mention of her Papa, her blue eyes immediately widened, and she unlatched from Harry to look all around her.


“Pa?” she asked curiously, squirming in Harry’s arms. Harry laughed and pulled up his shirt, watching her wiggle around eagerly in an attempt to find her Papa.


“He should be home soon, bubs. He had to work late. Do you want to go back to bed, Row? Now that you know the monsters can’t get you, hm?”


Rowan pouted and pulled his very best puppy dog face – one that he knew his fathers could not resist. Those big green eyes and pouty lips were just too precious. They had made an adorable son.


“But Daddy, I wanna see Papa! And he needs to tell me a bedtime story, please? Plus, I can’t go to bed without a goodnight kiss!”


Harry sighed, knowing he couldn’t get himself out of this one. He now had three kids – make that four, the baby just kicked to let their presence be known – that were very much awake at an hour much too late for them to be up, and his husband still wasn’t home after a very long day without him.


“Why don’t we go into the living room and watch a movie?” Harry suggested. Hopefully it would tire the kids out, at the very least keeping them awake until Louis got home. Rowan cheered at that, seemingly satisfied with Harry’s suggestion, and raced into the other room at lightning speed. Harry rolled his eyes with a fond smile on his face.


“Your brothers are super silly, aren’t they, Had?” Harry cooed to the giggling baby.


“Ya!” Hadley exclaimed loudly, clapping her little hands as she cracked a toothy grin.


Walking into the adjoining room, Harry found Rowan and James holding hands where they were sitting on the sofa. Rowan was whispering something to James, who just nodded and rested his head on his big brother’s shoulder. Harry couldn’t help but smile at how sweet his boys were. Rowan was such an amazing big brother to James and Hadley, and they both adored him in return. James and Hadley may have had Louis’ unbridled energy and personality, but Rowan was always there to help calm them down.


“Daddy, can we watch The Little Mermaid, please?” Rowan asked hopefully, his little fingers crossed as he waited for Harry to answer. James had stuck his thumb in his mouth, eyeing him hopefully as well.


“Of course, babe,” Harry replied as he sat on the couch next to them, gently placing Hadley next to him. “Do you remember how to play it, Row?” Now that he was sitting, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to get up any time soon. This couch was so comfortable, and he could feel his exhaustion sinking in. The baby was still moving around in his belly. They must want to join the party, too, he thought with a smile. He placed his hands on his growing bump, rubbing it softly where he felt his tiny baby kicking. They hadn’t learned the sex yet as they wanted to wait until the baby was born, but Harry had a strong hunch that the baby was a girl.


“Bababa!” Hadley screeched, and Harry winced at the loud noise. Before he could reprimand her, James beat him to it.


“Inside voice, Sissy, remember?” he managed around his thumb. It was a terrible habit that Louis and Harry were trying to break, and luckily James didn’t do it as much anymore, but he still needed reminding at times.


“James, thumb, please,” Harry hummed, watching as James’ blue eyes widened and slipped his thumb out.


“Oops, I forgot, Daddy!” he exclaimed guiltily. Hadley scooched over to her big brother and tugged on his hand, which he happily took, kissing her dimpled cheek after doing so.


“Kiss!” she exclaimed loudly as she puckered her lips. James giggled and gave her a kiss. Hadley’s new favorite thing was to give kisses, and she now constantly told her brothers and Daddies that she loved them. It came out more as ‘wuv oo’ than a coherent phrase, but they knew what she meant just fine. Their little girl was a ray of sunshine and she had all of them wrapped around her little fingers.


Rowan had finished starting the movie and ran back to the couch, retaking James’ hand in his. All three Tomlinsons stared intently at the screen as the opening of The Little Mermaid started. Harry felt overcome with emotions as he watched them watch their favorite movie, all the earlier struggles and drama forgotten as they sat quietly together.


Harry pulled out his phone to send Louis a picture of their little angels, knowing he would smile at the sight.


So, bedtime didn’t go as planned tonight… miss you so much babe. Wish you were here, want to kiss you more than anything. Home soon please? your H .xxxx


Harry didn’t expect a response so quickly, but his phone vibrated almost instantly after he sent Louis the text.


So fucking precious ! miss you all so much baby . soooo sorry I got holed up in the studio and didn’t realize how late it was , I’m coming home now and I’m all yours my love X


Harry smiled softly as he reread the text. All these years later, and he still got excited whenever Louis told him he was coming home. Only Harry knew that when Louis said that, he meant that he was coming back to Harry. Home was no longer a physical place, it was each other, and Louis’ home was wherever Harry’s heart was.


Ariel was singing “Part of Your World” when Louis finally got home. James and Hadley had already fallen asleep, and Rowan was mightily fighting sleep despite his obvious tiredness. Harry himself felt himself dozing off, but Louis’ arrival was enough to jolt him awake.


“Hi, babe,” Louis whispered as he came behind the couch, rubbing Harry’s shoulders and dropping a kiss to his neck.


Harry blushed as he turned around as much as he could, connecting his lips to Louis’ hungrily. He moaned as Louis ran his hands through his curls, massaging his scalp.


“Hi Lou,” he whispered, biting his lip. “Missed you so much today.”


Louis grinned softly, brushing back a curl to tuck behind Harry’s ear.


“I missed you too, babe. Always do. How were my little rascals today?”


Harry groaned as he thought about the day’s course of events.


“They are absolutely your children, Lou. Kept me on my feet all day, ‘m so tired. Just wanted you and to sleep, but they refused to go to bed, so I gave up. Think Ariel tired them out, though.”

Louis hummed, reconnecting their lips to kiss Harry deep and sweetly.


“Don’t think I tell you enough how much I love you, baby. You do such an amazing job raising our kids, all while growing another baby. I’m so thankful that you’re mine, H.”


Harry smiled at his husband’s heartfelt words and took his hand, playing with the ring on his fourth finger.


“I love you more, babe. Thank you for giving me these beautiful children and being my husband.”


Louis kissed his hand and turned his attention to their children, who were all fast asleep by now.


“H, you go up to bed now, yeah? I’ll take care of bedtime tonight, you go relax. I’ll be in soon.”


Harry nodded gratefully, on the verge of tears again at how sweet and thoughtful Louis was. Always, he took care of his family without hesitation and with no complaints. Harry had no doubt that Louis would do absolutely anything for them, and Harry felt the same way. He would go to the ends of the earth and back for his husband and children.


As Harry made his way up the stairs, he looked back to see him scoop up Hadley, who didn’t even stir (she definitely got her deep sleeping from Harry), and gently wake up Rowan. A fond feeling filled Harry’s heart to see how gentle and loving Louis was with their babies. Always, without fail.


Harry laid one hand on his bump as he walked up the rest of the stairs and into their room. He sighed contentedly as he lazily undressed and put on some old panties and one of Louis’ oversized T-shirts and laid on the bed. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. He couldn’t help but rub his belly, adoring the fact that he was carrying another child of Louis’ and that in a few short months they would meet their fourth little angel. Harry found himself humming “You Are My Sunshine” as he rubbed and patted his large bump, and before he knew it, his eyes slipped shut.


He was woken up by Louis pressing feather soft kisses to the bump and whispering sweet nothings to their baby. Louis seemed to be telling their child all about their family, immediate and extended, and Harry giggled at how seriously Louis took this. Every morning, night, and in between he would have a conversation with their baby who kicked along happily. Harry loved that their child was already so in love with Louis and his melodic voice. He could easily relate.


Louis glanced up upon hearing Harry’s laugh, a large smile blooming on his face that extended to his cerulean eyes, crinkles forming and all. Placing one last kiss right over his belly button, he maneuvered his way up to Harry, leaving kisses on every inch of skin he passed.


Harry laughed, wiggling under the insistent kisses that were simultaneously leaving him breathless and ticklish. By the time Louis made his way to his favorite pair of lips, Harry felt every ounce of stress melt away. Louis had that effect on him.


Louis’ lips were firm and anchoring, as if the way his mouth moved against his was his way of saying I’m here, I’m never letting you go, and everything will be okay. Harry couldn’t possibly love his husband more than when he kissed him like this: as if the world around them was nonexistent, and the only thing that mattered in their existence was the rhythm of their lips crashing together and the feeling of skin and bones and two halves melting into a complete whole.


Louis finally pulled away to stroke his fingertips across Harry’s cheek, loving the way his eyes resembled the forest and his pupils were the moon itself when they did this.


Harry felt breathless as he gazed into Louis’ eyes, long eyelashes brushing his eyelids every time he blinked. The freckles on his cheek were illuminated by the moonlight forcing its way through the gap in the curtains. He never knew how much time passed when he kissed Louis. What he did know, was that no amount of time would ever be enough for how long Harry wanted to kiss Louis. The moth and flame, imagine that.


“Make love to me,” Harry whispered, because anything louder than a whisper in this moment seemed much too loud, cutting the heavy cloud of love and passion that was surrounding them. Gone was the heated urgency that Harry was feeling earlier. He had Louis’ baby in his stomach, and they had the rest of their lives to look forward to.


“Always,” Louis murmured. “Whatever you want and need, baby, it’s yours.”


Harry preened, feeling a bit shy under Louis’ intense gaze. He nodded, biting his lip which was now red and raw, and let his legs fall open.


Louis groaned, eyes growing darker with lust at the sight in front of him. His beautiful, pregnant husband was laying beneath him, looking sexy as fuck. He never knew how he got so lucky.


Louis shucked his shirt off and watched Harry’s eyes travel down his torso, drinking in every inch of tanned skin that he knew like the back of his hand. Louis smirked as Harry whined, needing to be touched. Louis knew what his boy needed.


“You’re the most beautiful rose, baby doll,” Louis murmured as he took in the state of Harry. His oversized T-shirt was large, but still clung to his growing baby bump. Louis could see the shape of his tits through the flimsy material and instantly felt himself harden, his growing erection not flagging when he took in Harry’s panties. “Just gorgeous, sweetheart, wearing your pretty panties. You look so good, you know that?”


Harry nodded, because he did feel pretty, always did when he was pregnant. His confidence was heightened during pregnancies and he loved when Louis worshiped him and his body.


“All full of my baby, love, so fucking sexy. Love seeing you with our kids, love knocking you up. And I know you love it too,” Louis muttered as he pulled Harry’s shirt off. “Fuck, your tits,” Louis moaned. “Love that you feed our babies, H. Nothing more amazing than watching you nourish our children. I love you so much.”


Harry whined, feeling overwhelmed by all the love Louis was giving him.




“I know babe, I’m getting there. Patience, yeah? Want to take my time with you tonight.”


“Yeah. Love you so much, babe.”


Louis grinned. “I love you too, H. Let’s take these pretty panties off, hm?”


With all of his practice, Louis slipped Harry’s panties off with great ease, mouth watering at the sight of Harry’s already hard cock standing tall against his hip, precome leaking from the tip.


“Beautiful,” Louis licked his lips at the sight. Quickly, he grabbed the lube from their bedside table and poured some onto his fingers, spreading it and warming it up. Positioning himself between Harry’s legs, he pressed another kiss to Harry’s belly before he slowly prodded at Harry’s hole. The contact made Harry gasp, but the initial stretch as Louis inserted his finger felt so good he could cry. In fact, he felt tears as Louis pushed his finger in all the way to his first knuckle, pumping it in and out slowly.


Louis kissed his inner thigh, stroked the space behind his knee as he continued thrusting his finger, wanting to touch Harry everywhere and anywhere all at once. Harry’s whimpers told him to add another finger, knowing his baby needed more. The increased sensation caused Harry to moan and subtly push his hips down onto Louis’ fingers.


“Yeah,” he breathed so softly, and Louis knew that Harry was chewing on his lip, eyes screwed shut, a light sheen of sweat covering his chest. He didn’t even need to look to know his husband looked like a piece of art.


“Feel good, darling?” Louis asked as he pumped his fingers, marveling at how beautiful Harry was inside and out, how his body reacted so immediately to his own – like they were made for each other.


“Mhmm,” Harry moaned as Louis began to scissor his fingers to stretch him out. “Oh fuck, Lou,” Harry cursed.


Louis laughed, loving how affected Harry was already and how in tune he was with his body’s pleasure. “That’s it, baby, fuck yourself on my fingers,” Louis encouraged. “Going to be my cock soon,” he added, because he was a cheeky shit and he wanted to see how Harry reacted.


Harry moaned loudly at that, fucking himself in earnest now. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lou, fuck,” he gasped.


Louis suddenly realized just how fucking hard he was, cock trapped in his joggers. Those needed to be off yesterday. Carefully removing his fingers from Harry’s hole, Louis undressed the rest of the way, enjoying how Harry opened his eyes at the loss and watched with wide eyes as Louis took his pants off.


“Like what you see, babe?” Louis asked with a laugh, watching as Harry could only lick his lips and nod. Without forewarning, Louis reentered Harry with three fingers, biting his own lip at the delicious sounds Harry was making.


“H, gotta keep it down love, don’t want the kids to wake up,” Louis reminded him.


“Feels so good, Lou, god, never stop,” Harry cried.


“Not planning on it, Haz,” Louis promised as he thrusted his fingers purposefully, intent on finding Harry’s prostate and making him see stars. He was rewarded when Harry whimpered, hips stuttering and his hard cock twitching where it was still hard against his hip.


“Right there, Lou, fuck!” Harry’s hands moved to cradle his belly, and Louis couldn’t help but watch as his angel of a husband lost himself in the pleasure.


“Baby, you ready for me?” Louis asked gently, stilling his movements. At Harry’s confirmation, he removed his fingers, leaning down to press a kiss to Harry’s hole before he pumped more lube into his hand and spread it on his cock.


The sensation felt phenomenal and Louis moaned as he tugged on his achingly hard dick a few more times before he heard Harry’s gorgeous whimper and moved to position himself over Harry. With one hand by Harry’s head balancing himself over Harry’s body, he used the other hand to guide himself into his husband. With one swift thrust, he was inside, and he felt his eyes roll to the back of his head.


“Fuck, angel, you feel so fucking amazing. So tight, so wet for me. I love you so much.”


Instead of thrusting hard and fast, Louis took his time, thrusting into Harry deep and slow, making Harry’s toes curl and stealing the breath from his lungs.


“You are so goddamn beautiful, H. Nothing else will ever come close to you. You are my everything, always will be.”


Louis’ eyes were boring into Harry’s and when Louis finally found his prostate, Harry lost it. Tears leaked from his eyes uncontrollably, whole body feeling like a million little sparklers being lit and fizzling on the Fourth of July.


Louis paused for a moment, feeling a bit concerned. Harry was one to cry during sex, but this seemed different. More intense. Louis thumbed away the tears, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s lips.


“Harry, are you okay? Do you want me to stop? Talk to me, love.”


Harry shook his head, tears still falling.


“No Lou, please don’t stop. Feels so good, I promise, want you forever and not a day less, I love you so much,” Harry hiccupped, wrapping his arms around Louis’ back and neck, anywhere he could reach, burrowing his face into the warm skin that smelled like cigarette smoke and cinnamon.


Louis pressed his hips deeper, earning a gasp from Harry and muffled ramblings that urged him to continue and that it felt so fucking good. Louis’ heart felt so full that it could burst, like all the love for Harry he had in his chest could somehow expand and explode into the universe, into Harry as they were connected in the most intimate way.


“God, I love you so much, H. Will never stop loving you. Made for each other, you’re all mine. I’m the only one who gets to do this, god I’m so lucky. You’re fucking amazing.”


Harry was all whines and whimpers, biting at the skin of Louis’ neck as Louis thrusted so deep into his lover he swore he could taste heaven.


“Full of my baby, full of me. All I’ve ever wanted, and you’re right here beneath me, I love you baby, fuck I love you, I love you,” Louis closed his eyes as he felt himself grow close, Harry so tight and hot around him that he felt like he was choking in his love. He knew Harry was close too, had been before he even entered him, and he wrapped a hand around his cock, making Harry moan out sinfully.


“Lou… ‘m so close, babe, please…”


Louis pumped his cock harder, still thrusting into Harry maddeningly slowly. Suddenly, abs clenched, toes curled, and that beautiful mouth gasped, and Harry came hard, stars painted on his eyelids and supernovas filled the room.


Feeling his husband tighten around his cock and watching the way he came undone so beautifully was all he needed to orgasm himself, groaning as his cock pulsed inside of Harry, come filling him up as he continued to thrust slowly.


“Fuckkkk,” Louis moaned as he pulled out and watched as Harry’s red hole leaked his come. It was the hottest thing he had possibly ever seen.


“Heyyy, eyes up here mister,” Harry pouted, but even he couldn’t help but giggle.


Louis rolled his eyes, crawling up to Harry to give him a kiss.


“Oi, come off it, babe. You know you love it. And that’s how I’ve gotten you knocked up all these times, hasn’t it?”


“Cheeky,” Harry yelped, hitting his lover’s arm. “But I love you so much. Thank you for that, it was… something else. And I needed it. Need you, always.”


Louis softened immediately.


“I know my love, you were absolutely amazing. I love you more than the stars in the sky and the water in the ocean. I’m not lying when I say that shit whilst we’re fucking,” he joked.


Harry laughed and kissed him deeply.


“Let’s get cleaned up, please, I’m exhausted and think I deserve a good cuddle.”


Harry falls asleep in Louis’ arms, his favorite place to be. When he wakes up, it’s to three energetic kids, his husband, and flowers, just because, babe. As he lays in bed with his favorite people in the whole world, he smiles. He has everything he’ll ever need.